Combating Comparison + the Pressure to Please in Wedding Planning

/

ADELAE ZAMBON

 

So much pressure surrounds the planning of a wedding day.

Whether it comes from family members, social media, or your own expectations, it’s not hard to see how this season of preparation can amount to great stress leading to the big day.

My husband and I lived long distance for the duration of our dating and engagement seasons. We went through a thirteen-month immigration process for us to get married; we planned three wedding dates, two of which were cancelled after experiencing immigration delays; and he finally arrived on this side of the border 1.5 weeks before our nuptials. Needless to say, we found the months that led to our matrimony immensely stressful.

However, nothing came close to the extreme pressure I felt to have a wedding that “lived up” to the expectations of the people who would attend our day. After all, we had very generous family members helping us finance the celebration and friends from all over the world flying in for the occasion; I wanted it to be worth their while. . .whatever that meant.

In the end, my wise husband-to-be led us in devising a wedding that would reflect our journey to becoming man and wife, our values, our taste, and our finances. The event wound up being a creative, quirky conglomeration of some of our favorite things. From having a ceremony between Sunday Masses, to hosting a reception at a coffee house, to serving dinner from a taco truck and a popsicle cart for dessert, it was unconventionally unique to us.

And to this day, we still hear from countless friends and family who share it was one of their favorite weddings to attend.

If I could go back and speak a word into the bridal stress of my life:

I would tell myself to drop the performance mentality and the pressure to please.

I would challenge myself to reflect on the meaning and magnitude of the day: that my fiance and I would be forging a covenant with one another and the Lord; that this day marked the ushering-in of our life together; that it was a day of celebrating us.

I would pray with the wisdom in Proverbs that states, “Fear of man becomes a snare.”  

Truthfully, “fear of man” became an idol above my fear of the Lord. 

“Fear of man” takes priority in our hearts when we place people’s thoughts, opinions, judgments over the Lord’s. 

People-pleasing, a symptom of “fear of man,” holds us captive in fear: fear of rejection and fear of not being deemed enough. In contrast, fear of the Lord allows us to stand in holy awe of His works, which is the perfect disposition for a bride and groom preparing for marriage. 

Consider how transformative a holy awe that the Lord brought you together; that He blesses your relationship; and how wondrous it is He has planned for your future together; could be in this season.

I would renounce the spirit of comparison that time and again stole me joy during this season of preparation. 

We can easily fall prey to comparison during wedding planning; like comparing yours to another’s budget; comparing yours to another couple’s wedding details; comparing who RSVP’d to your wedding vs. theirs; comparing your honeymoon to someone else’s, etc. 

Yet, our marriages and our weddings are not meant to be in competition. Each are designed to be unique expressions of the Trinity.

So, next time you sense the urge to compare or people-please in the midst of a decision for your special day, ask yourself: “What would I choose if no one was looking? What would I choose if my fiance and I were the only attendees on the day that is, at its core, about us and our covenant with God?”

About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

INSTAGRAM