Exodus 90 Wife: Advice for Surviving and Thriving During These 90 Days
/CARISSA PLUTA
Is your husband doing Exodus 90?
PHOTOGRAPHY: KENNETH MUNYER PHOTOGRAPHY
The “rules” for Exodus may seem strict, or even impossible at first. No alcohol, sweets, or television. No meat on Wednesdays and Fridays, daily holy hour, regular exercise, and cold showers are among the list of disciplines your husband will practice.
When first hearing about all of the sacrifices your husband will make for 90 days, it’s hard not to consider how his sacrifices will inevitably affect your day-to-day life.
I’m no stranger to fears and frustrations of being an Exodus 90 wife.
While working as a campus missionary, my husband participated in Exodus 90 three times. Since moving to his new assignment in a parish, he has been participating in their follow-up program Day 91 and is now participating in their newest Lent program.
I’d like to offer some advice that has made this time fruitful, not only for my husband, but for our marriage and family as a whole
Understand your husband’s why
Why does your husband want to participate in one of the Exodus programs? What areas of his life does he need freedom in?
Understanding the driving force behind your husband’s desire to undertake this exercise will help you face any challenges you may encounter with joy and love.
Decide if/how you'd like to be involved
While there is no official “women’s version” of Exodus 90, some wives find it spiritually fruitful to join their husbands in (at least some of) the program.
Maybe you’re excited to find some new meatless meals to eat on Wednesday and Friday; or maybe the idea of meal planning makes your head spin. Maybe you want to give up television or social media alongside your husband, or maybe you’d like to do a daily holy (half) hour.
Determine how you’d like to (and are able to) participate or support your husband in this program and make your desires known.
Communicate
This program was made for your husband and your marriage, not the other way around. The conversation about this program shouldn’t just happen once before he commits to it, but rather it should continue throughout the 90 days.
Both you and your husband should communicate your concerns and expectations for the program, and address any difficulties or unmet expectations as they arise.
If there is something that truly stresses you out about the program, talk to your husband. If you feel strained and in need of extra support, bring it up. Don’t let the problems simmer until they turn into resentment.
Related: The Deep Roots of Marital Communication--And Why They Matter
Make a plan
Daily holy hour, daily exercise, weekly fraternity meetings– the extra commitments of Exodus shouldn’t require your family’s entire schedule to be flipped upside down for 90 days, but it often does require a little more planning and flexibility.
Sit down with your husband and make a plan. What does he need? What do you need? How can you ensure you both get what you need to thrive?
Find support in sisterhood
In the same way that your husband will journey with other men, a fraternity of accountability and support, it is helpful if you can find support from your sisters in Christ.
Maybe the other men in the fraternity have fiancés or wives who understand what you are experiencing over these 90 days. Reach out to them, ask how they are doing, and talk about how you’re feeling.
Pray + affirm
If you and your spouse decide that Exodus 90 is right for your marriage and season of life, know that your husband can’t do this without you.
Maybe you can set aside time each day to pray for your husband to have unwavering strength and commitment in this endeavor. Or you can work to intentionally acknowledge the improvement and growth you’ve noticed in your husband. Regularly extend words of encouragement, affirmation, and love.
Your prayers, affirmations, and support are vital to his success.
Will Exodus 90 require sacrifice on your part? Most likely. It’s not possible to separate the interior spiritual life of one spouse from the other. But if done right, this program offers you and your family far more than what you’ll give.
Exodus 90 offers freedom to men, and when you’re married, that freedom extends to and edifies your whole marriage.
