Becoming Rich Soil for Your Spouse
/CORINNE GANNOTTI
An image I've loved meditating on at times throughout my marriage is one that comes from the Parable of the Sower.
You've probably heard this passage from the Gospels many times before. In it, Jesus speaks to the crowds that gathered along the shoreline of the Sea of Galilee to hear him.
PHOTOGRAPHY: KELLI SEELEY AS SEEN IN ALANA AND STEPHEN’S CALIFORNIA AIR FORCE WEDDING
He teaches them profoundly through images of nature about the disposition of heart we must cultivate if we hope to be able to receive the good news of the kingdom of God, the word of love and freedom that He has for us, and be changed.
That seed of His word can only grow and flourish if sown into a heart which is open and attentive, humble and receptive - a land of rich soil. Not an open path, leaving it exposed and vulnerable to be snapped up by the birds. Not rocky ground, where roots can't take hold and the sun burns hot, withering it up. Not among the thorns which come to choke it. But rich soil, allowing for growth and life and fruit.
It's an incredibly beautiful image. In my own prayer with this story, Christ has helped me see how it applies to my life within my vocation of marriage. He has given me the beautiful opportunity as a wife to become, in some sense, rich soil for the life of my husband.
It is true that in his parable, Jesus is speaking about the landscape of the personal heart of each disciple. So I don’t mean to say that we're the responsible force for making our spouse receive and live the Gospel message. That’s the work of the Holy Spirit in the freedom of each person’s soul.
But since in our sacramental understanding of marriage we can truly say that we are no longer two but one flesh, there is a sense in which we can read this Parable from the place of our shared life in the Spirit. Doing that has been incredibly meaningful for me because it’s given me imagery to work with as I try to understand the role I play in the spiritual life of my husband and he in mine.
When I come to understand myself as rich soil for my husband’s life, I can free myself from the temptation to believe that I need to be the one in control of sanctifying him, incapable as I would be at accomplishing this task to begin with.
I am not the gardener, the sower of seeds. That is God. Tempting as it may be at times, it is not my responsibility to till and weed and prune my spouse into my own vision of spiritual perfection. Even when I long for his holiness with purity of heart because I desire his good, I do not need to direct the growth of his life of faith.
I do much more to serve and love him when I remember that I’m the helpmate. I’m not called to the work that could only ever belong to the Gardener, but I do play an indispensable role in His plan.
I have an incredible impact on my husband's experience of God's love for him. The manner in which I speak and act in our relationship does a great deal in shaping my husband’s view of himself – his goodness, worthiness, dignity as a son of God. Do I help, through my words and deeds, to cultivate rich soil in which he can confidently grow with God? Praying in this way has placed into check my own tendency for control and reoriented my heart in trust and hope – that God is constantly working for good in my husband, revealing Himself to him, sowing the seed of His word.
But how to be that helpmate, that ‘rich soil’ where the word can take root? What does it look like practically in the life we share with our spouse? Jesus helps us understand, when he goes on to teach the deeper meaning behind the veiled images of his parable. He explains,
With Christ’s words in mind, I think living as rich soil for our spouse means helping him to make sense of the movement of God in his life, to really understand and respond to the action of the Holy Spirit.
It could look like encouraging his life of prayer, protecting time for him to be alone with God consistently. It could mean listening to him share thoughts and desires without judgement or critique. It could mean being intentional with encouragement and affirmation. It could mean responding to his failures and shortcomings with compassion. It should definitely mean praying in the quiet of your heart for him to be a man of receptivity to God.
Rich soil is hearty, solid, safe. It stands between the evil one and the heart of your spouse with courage, so that nothing can steal away what God intends for good in him. It is defense against the pains and persecution that come with his life of discipleship, because the roots of faith can be nourished there - unlike out on the rocky ground. It is protection from the anxiety and materialism of the thorny world. Soil is home for a plant, and we have the gift of being like home for our spouse during our time together on earth. What an incredible gift that is.
Maybe take a few minutes today and read through the Parable of the Sower in Matthew 13. Listen to the words of Christ speaking to you gently and ask him how you may be conformed into a rich soil in the life of your husband so that He can freely sow His word in him. May Jesus give us the grace to love our spouses well, becoming like rich soil for them to grow in the freedom of His love.
About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.