"Beauty pierces her heart and draws her into the sacred. She wants not only her wedding, but her marriage to reflect this in every way: through awe-inspiring liturgy, decor, and photographs, each infused, above all, with the radiant beauty only made manifest in sincere holiness. No matter her past, she has a love for all that is pure. She desires nothing more or less than to make a complete gift of herself. She chases fearlessly after virtue, knowing excellence is the path to true freedom, and freedom is for love. Deeply, profoundly, she is in love..."

A Prayer for the Spoken Bride, disciple of Jesus.

December 20, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

In the past few months, I've been rereading and meditating on the words of the Church found in the Catechism's article about the Sacrament of Matrimony.

I've been so moved by its language - the way in which its authors describe the nature and end of marriage, and all its essential qualities. But beautiful as they are, it can be easy to read the teachings of the Catechism contained here as spiritual reflections that feel far from our lived experiences of married life.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Nicole Sandercock Photography

But that's not what they are meant to be.

“Catechesis” is the term used in the language of faith to describe the whole effort of the Church to make disciples. So, we can understand that all the words contained in the Catechism are placed there to help form us to be better disciples of Jesus, more honest and intentional followers of Him.

They aren't just beautiful theological conjecture. The spiritual words of the Church here are meaningful for our real lives - in study and formation and prayer. They come from Sacred Scripture, the Church Fathers, liturgy, the Church's Magisterium. And honestly, praying with the very words of this section of the Catechism is a beautiful way to realize their catechetical aim, because prayer is a central way in which we live out our lives as disciples.

My own praying with these paragraphs of the Catechism has been a blessing. And should you ever choose to, I'm very confident it will bless you as well.

I found that the fruit of praying with these teachings was a deep sense of encouragement. And I really believe the Teaching Church wants married couples to find inspiration and reassurance here. So even if you don’t find in yourself the desire to sit with these paragraphs in the quiet of personal prayer, I hope to offer you a sense of that encouragement in a little poetic prayer crafted with some of the words and much of the spirit of this section of the Catechism.

I hope in it you can hear the voice of the Body of Christ - the Church Jesus left to form and guide and bring you close to Him - encouraging you in your vocation.

A Prayer for the Spoken Bride

As I live daily in the workings of the mystery of marriage,
Keep me awake to Your movement, O God.

You are the author of this covenant union and I do not stand alone. Entwined within my marriage’s intimacy is the power of Your Holy Spirit, And you will not deny me the grace which I seek.

You have created me for communion.
Give me the grace to find You in my spouse even when I forget that this very intimate belonging is Your great gift to me, through him. Marriage makes my whole life echo Your character to the world - A chance to become an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which You love.

Free my marriage from the entanglement of sin and sanctify me through the brokenness I encounter in my spouse, and he in me.
May our love be marked with a pattern of forgiveness and repair. May I experience a taste of Your holy mercy through my husband’s love for me, my husband who accepts me despite my shortcomings, who chooses me in my frailty.

Fortify my marriage against the enemy who seeks to undermine our love, to plant seeds of discontent and fear and a desire for self-protection where it does not belong.
For there is no fear in love, and in Your holy name I cast it out.

It is You who binds up my wounds - the ones that only marriage may cause me to realize I possess.
Give me Your grace, the holy life You promise me through this Sacrament, never refuse it to me. Without it I can never hope to live the fidelity I have promised. Because it is Your fidelity I have promised.

May the love of my marriage be found good, very good in Your eyes. May the sufferings my husband and I bear now as crosses in our shared life on earth become our shared offering to You - enflamed with the fire of your Holy Spirit, who guards the bond of our union.
May they be like burnt offerings made from the altar of our Domestic Church - our island of belief in an unbelieving world.

You will never leave me.
As You ask me, through marriage, to live entirely in a posture of gift, You also prepare me to receive new life in You and through You. As I learn to endure in generosity, I will find You there. In whatever way you shape my family on this earth, I will find You there.

May my marriage be for my good and the good of my husband.
May I trust in Your providence.
May I know Your intimate love.
Without you, I can do nothing.

You are the source of my marriage’s love,
You are the end of my marriage’s love,
You are Love.

Holy Family of Nazareth, pray for us.

Amen.

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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November 26, 2021

Witnessing to the Fidelity of God in Marriage

November 26, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

The Catechism contains a section in which each sacrament is reflected upon in detail - its significance in the life of faith, its place in God's plan for us, the meaning of its ritual, its spiritual effects in our souls.

*PHOTOGRAPHY:* *Truth and Beauty Photography*

The article dedicated to the sacrament of Matrimony in particular, contains a portion which reflects on the nature of the kind of love that marriage asks of spouses - specifically the deep fidelity it demands. Nestled in there are a few paragraphs which I truly love. They begin like this:

The "intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons…demand total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable union between them. The deepest reason is found in the fidelity of God to his covenant, in that of Christ to his Church. Through the sacrament of Matrimony the spouses are enabled to represent this fidelity and witness to it.

When I read that, every word feels like it rings with the authentic character of truth.

Deep fidelity is demanded in marriage, and it bears profound witness to the kind of love that God offers - faithful, honest, personal, forever.

An unbreakable and intimate union. That's the very reason fidelity is an essential character of marriage in the first place, as an echo of the divine love it symbolizes. That truth is so eloquently explained here.

But it's actually the paragraph immediately following these that makes me love this section so much and feel a particular kind of gratitude for the bishops who made sure it was included. As you read on, you hear:

It can seem difficult, even impossible, to bind oneself for life to another human being. This makes it all the more important to proclaim the Good News that God loves us with a definitive and irrevocable love, that married couples share in this love, that it supports and sustains them, and that by their own faithfulness they can be witnesses to God's faithful love. Spouses who with God's grace give this witness, often in very difficult conditions, deserve the gratitude and support of the ecclesial community.

This paragraph plants the divine reality of God's love which marriage images into the imperfect messiness of our fallen world. And it also reminds us that our imaging of God's divine love through marriage is not something that depends solely on our own capacity. It's not some kind of task the Lord places upon us in our vocation as a spouse to see how we measure up.

Choosing to love and serve another person for the rest of our earthly life, to faithfully place their needs above our own, is no small thing. It asks for all we are capable of and more, and that's what can make it at times seem impossible. Apart from grace, it really is.

And that's the very reason, the Catechism reminds us, that it's so important for us to constantly proclaim to ourselves and others that we draw strength from God's love to live out our marital promises.

Because we can confidently trust that God's faithful love will be ever available, we do not have to fear that we will come up empty handed.

When we are weary and struggling, He can sustain us so that we can continue. Our fidelity can rest in His fidelity.

God, as the shepherds of His Church here remind us, does not wish for us to hide or dismiss our struggle. He wants us to bring it to Him so He can provide healing and restoration and renewal. We can be honest about how difficult the demands of marriage are because in that honesty we make space for God to provide.

Sometimes, I think, in our zeal to defend and witness to the greatness of this sacrament in a culture that misconstrues it greatly or perhaps has dismissed it entirely, we focus so deeply on how marriage is a reflection of the ever-faithful love of God that when we find ourselves experiencing how living that out can sometimes feel like an impossible task, it can seem like admitting to failure.

We can be tempted to think that struggle within marriage is something we must hide or pretend does not exist if we wish to give the best witness. But that's a lot of pressure. And it can set us up to bear a great deal of shame and self-blame.

What these statements in the Catechism remind us, is that when we do acknowledge our deep need for God to help us remain steadfast in marriage, far from failing as witnesses to marriage's goodness, we actually become more capable of witnessing to the faithful love it demands, showing how deeply we are bolstered up by God's grace.

If your marriage has ever felt difficult, even impossible, do not fear that you are failing.

You are not, and neither are you alone. You are spoken of in the very lines of the Catechism itself. And the bishops remind you here that you deserve to receive the gratitude and support of the ecclesial community, the whole Church family, because the kind of love marriage asks for is something beyond what we can offer in our humanness even at its best.

The community of the Church should bolster us up in the midst of our challenges. God supports us in every step, but we have to do what we can to cast off the false and very unhelpful belief that admitting to struggle in our marital relationship makes us less effective witnesses to the goodness of this sacrament.

Perhaps that effort can look like doing what we can to respond with compassion to the shortcomings we find in ourselves and our spouse, or availing ourselves of the graces and healing available especially through the sacraments of Confession and Communion, or even simply by beginning to pray that God would help us experience the reality of His faithfulness to us.

Far from failure, struggling in marriage allows space for God to supply that which we need, and becomes the way in which we reveal His love to the world.

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October 26, 2021

Smashing the Idol of Perfectionism in Marriage

October 26, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

Of the many ways that the vocation of marriage can shape and purify us, one I've found both fantastically difficult and incredibly freeing is the way in which it calls for the absolute demolition of the idols hidden within my heart, specifically perfectionism.

It makes those false gods obvious, laid bare in my experiences of disappointment or unmet expectation - I have to confront those experiences and ask myself honestly if they are reasonable reactions (we are fallen people that fail each other) or if they stem from casting my own vision of what my marriage and my spouse should look like, making that the most important thing.

In marriage, we walk alongside our spouse - entrusted to each other and in that union entrusted to God. Peace comes from knowing God resides there at our center, His grace present in the sacramental bond that tethers us. With His life-giving love to form our vision of what true love should look like lived out and through which to discern where we are headed, things make much more sense. We're more fully able to accept our spouse fully, loving that person deeply through seasons of growth and change and even struggle or failure.

When we enthrone Christ in the center of our relationship, we can see Him in our spouse so much more clearly and remain focused on our call to love and honor our spouse always.

But when we replace that with our own view of how we think things should be we can find ourselves trapped worshipping a false god of our own creation. We can get stuck striving for what we think a perfected marriage and life should look like, rather than what God has and continues to reveal to us.

It can be easier than I'd like to admit to dethrone God from the central place where He belongs within my marriage. To instead place my own image of perfection there and slip into caring primarily about creating the kind of life and relationship that will fulfill my personal desires and presumptions of what a holy and happy marriage or family should look like. But there's little space to live and breathe and love authentically there. We spend too much energy striving for something that God doesn’t ask of us, which will never satisfy.

The false idol of perfectionism in marriage will only fill our hearts with a spirit of comparison and the erroneous belief that once things look the way we think they should - once we fix this issue, or my spouse stops acting that way, or this life situation becomes easier - then we will finally have the happiness we desire.

Sometimes in our longing for the perfect love for which we were created, we can craft mental images that seem good but really end up distorting our vision of the good that actually lies in front of us. And Satan loves to twist those well-intentioned desires into straight up idols that stand in the way of us receiving God's goodness, and instead breed resentment, dissatisfaction, and isolation. From there it becomes ever easier to fall into despair because it seems like things may never look as they "should." This lie can keep us trapped and self-serving if we don't see it for what it truly is.

Once we get stuck creating our own vision of perfection for our marriage, placing that above all else, our real life spouse and real life circumstances may never feel like enough. They may never meet the standard we create for them and even if they do, this is a false victory rooted in selfishness. It's concerned first with what I want, creating the life I think will make me happy in the way I envision. It will always end up falling short and ultimately opposing the kind of self-sacrificial love God invites us to live in this vocation.

Marriage invites us to fight against false idols together by becoming honest together. By facing the expectations and hopes we have, placing them in right order or casting them aside when we find them becoming the things we aim for instead of God Himself.

If perfectionism creeps into our marriage, we should run to God and ask Him to show us our poverty, to help us remember that the goodness He created us for is greater than any temporal situation we can try to curate for ourselves. Place Him once again on the throne and smash those darn idols into dust so they don't stand in our way, blocking our view of the glorious life we actually have before us and the wonderful spouse we have chosen and the real moments of our day in which we can strive for holiness.

Smashing idols, working again and again in our imperfection to enthrone God within our hearts so we can love each other well and strive after what will really fulfill us, that sounds better than anything I could imagine.

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October 04, 2021

Growing in Virtue When Planning a Wedding

October 04, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

In the section of the Catechism that meditates on the virtues, there's a line that says, "the virtuous person tends toward the good with all his sensory and spiritual powers; he pursues the good and chooses it in concrete actions."

I love that sentence, because it leaves no room for mistaking that a virtuous life is one in which we distance ourselves from the "stuff" of life and focus only on otherworldly things. No - the voice of the Catechism, echoing the voice of Christ to us, helps us realize that really seeking virtue will integrate our natural lives in this fallen world and the divine life of God.

The more virtue we possess, the easier it becomes to live in relationship with the Holy Trinity in the actual circumstances of our days. And that's a relationship that involves the fullness of who we are - body and soul.

We express it through concrete actions we make, experiencing it sensorially and spiritually.

Seeking to live in this way is at the heart of everything for a Christian. It matters for our whole life long. But in a particular way, I think this sentence can hold special meaning during the unique season that is wedding planning. It's such a clear time in which we can recognize the impact of virtue.

The process of planning our wedding involves many decisions to be made about tangible things, but those things have so much spiritual and emotional significance. We have to take concrete actions along with our fiancé and our families to choose the good, discerning what that looks like practically in terms of our wedding celebration and perhaps reception.

If you find yourself in this season, know that God desires to give you His life of grace to help you live it with virtue. Consider that line from the Catechism, spoken over you.

The virtuous bride tends toward the good with all her sensory and spiritual powers. She pursues the good and chooses it in concrete actions.

What does that mean for you, as a bride?

Here are four specific virtues which I think can be especially valuable for the bride-to-be, who is longing to pursue and choose the good as she plans her wedding:

Prudence

Prudence - the ability for us to discern clearly what the true good is in a given situation and choose it, or choose the things that will help us achieve it. Prudence is the virtue which helps us to put our right reason into action.

Temperance

Temperance - the ability to seek what is pleasurable in moderation and with discretion, helping us to use created goods in a balanced and healthy way. It's the virtue that draws our desires up into our understanding of the greatest good - closeness with God.

Hope

Hope - the desire for heaven and eternal life as the true source of our happiness. It's the virtue that puts our longing to be happy in its rightful place - the heart of God. Hope keeps us from looking for satisfaction only in the world before us and so keeps us from discouragement when those things don't fulfill or satisfy our hearts.

Love

Love - the choice to love God above all things and through that love of Him, love ourselves and others. It's the virtue that shapes everything, motivating and animating all we do. Love gives us purpose, and also exists as our goal and desire.

To read more about the virtues, explore Paragraphs 1803 - 1845 in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

These and all other virtues expand our capacity to live fully and freely. That’s the kind of goodness God wants for us in the season of wedding planning and always.

Take time to ask God to fill you with these graces, to gift them to you for the good of this season you're living and for your future life. There is no shortage of opportunity to put them into action in the days leading up to a wedding, and that itself can be a gift.

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September 06, 2021

The Prayer of St. Francis: A Canticle for Spouses

September 06, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

Do you know the Prayer of St. Francis? That old peace prayer set to music in the 60's with a tune you can likely identify after only a few bars?

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURA AND MATTHEW AS SEEN IN TIANA + AJ’S FRANCISCAN UNIVERSITY PORT WEDDING — *PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURA AND MATTHEW* AS SEEN IN TIANA + AJ’S FRANCISCAN UNIVERSITY PORT WEDDING

I have many memories of singing it as part of monthly school liturgies and events at my Catholic School growing up. These days, I've found myself singing it to my infant daughter as I try to lull her to sleep in the evenings.

Swaying back and forth slowly with her in my arms, I pray the words over her life - with hope that one day she can bring pardon where there is injury and joy where there is sadness and love where there is hatred.

One night recently, while I rocked my daughter and meditated on the words I was quietly singing, the spousal quality of the prayer struck me. I was honestly overcome as I considered for the first time ever how meaningful they could be for meditation within the context of married life.

Every line seemed to take on a new shape as I began to pray them more as a wife than a mother.

A prayer that I already found such beauty in and have known for so long seemed to hold an entirely new character - inviting me to consider the ways in which God gives me a chance to love my husband.

Each petition, sung from the heart of a spouse, seemed so piercingly true. It listed exactly what I needed to bring to God in prayer as a wife.

Asking for Him to purify my desires so I could truly seek first the good of the other. Less focus on my own needs to be consoled, understood, and loved. An increase in my desire to console first, seek understanding, and act in love. Because in marriage, as in all things, it is in giving that we receive.

I became convicted through that experience that I need to revisit this prayer often. Each line offers examples of the kinds of graces I might posture my heart to receive from the Lord to then bless my spouse with.

We can easily focus on ourselves in relationships, but becoming too preoccupied on how things impact us does have a price. It can keep us from loving generously if we're not careful. It can make us much less capable of choosing to pardon injury or offer joy in the face of sadness. It makes us less willing to try and understand when we feel misunderstood.

The Prayer of St. Francis may or may not be your favorite, but its self-reflective words can offer meaningful contemplation on Christ-like love lived out.

And while St. Francis himself is not the author of this lovely meditation (listen to this great podcast from Trent Horn if you're interested in how the prayer came to bear his name), I feel confident he would encourage us to live in this way. Francis, the champion preacher of humility who was a living model of what it means to put others before self, would no doubt remind us to identify our poverty before God and beg Him for the grace we need to do what is asked of us - to make Him present through the manner in which we live our lives.

Pray with me? That God may grant us the grace to become the kind of person this prayer describes. To be an instrument of peace within our marriages. For our sake and for the sake of the one whom we love.

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

Grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console;

To be understood, as to understand;

To be loved, as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive,

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

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August 27, 2021

Restoration of the Broken

August 27, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

At our wedding reception, my husband and I had a large antique image of the Sacred Heart on display.

It had been hand painted by a religious sister ages ago, and even with its weather-worn white frame and missing chips of paint, it was glorious. One of my very favorite things.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABBEY REZ PHOTOGRAPHY — PHOTOGRAPHY: *ABBEY REZ PHOTOGRAPHY*

Having it at our reception made it all the more meaningful, because now I could keep the memory of glancing over and seeing it on its little side table as we danced throughout the night tucked in my mind forever.

I always hoped it would be a piece of art that we'd have in our future home in a special place. I imagined it hung up on a prominent wall for years to come, a treasured heirloom, an image that could easily bring me back to the real meaning of things (love, and above all the love of God poured out for us through Christ).

I imagined all this with such excited hope, but I never anticipated this simple painted piece had something to teach me about healing and restoration.

Since that night at our wedding reception, the painting has in fact held a place of importance in our home. It hung first on the wall of our two-bedroom apartment, just above the space where we liked to keep our prayer books and rosaries, next to the coziest chair we owned. Beautiful as it had always been. That is, until one evening, when for no other discernible reason except for the fact that the hook on which it was strung could no longer bear its weight, it fell.

As it hit onto our carpeted floor, which didn't do much to cushion the blow, massive shards of glass splayed out everywhere. It was shocking. The sudden crash, the devastating realization of what had just happened. I think I may have instantly started crying. My husband, in his usual calm and easy-going way, looked onto the scene and promised that he was sure things could be fixed. I wasn't so convinced.

With hot, tear stained cheeks I collected the broken pieces, certain that it was ruined. One of my favorite things about the piece, what made it so unique, was also what made it so obviously and utterly destroyed. The painting itself was layered with parts both on top of the glass and on the paper behind it, with the heart of Jesus painted right on the broken pieces I now held in both hands.

Over the course of the next week, my husband researched how he could best mend and repair it. He found special glue and gradually refastened each piece back into place, somehow managing to make them all fit again and seal together. It took serious time and care. Sometimes he would just stand there completely still for what seemed like ages, holding one piece in just the right place as the glue dried.

All the while, I sat in despair - feeling like even his best attempts could never really make it anything comparable to what it once was. There was no way the giant fractures in the glass wouldn't be glaringly obvious, even if he did manage to get it back into a single piece that would fit again into its historic frame.

If I'm being honest, I've had feelings like that about moments in my marriage that have nothing to do with a prized piece of vintage art.

There have been disagreements, arguments, and moments of serious selfishness and pride. Times when my tendency towards self-protection has motivated me above my desire for self-gift, and I have hurt my husband or he has hurt me by making those same kinds of choices.

In the heat of the moment, or the hurt that can come after, it can be easy to believe things are broken beyond repair. Disillusionment can make you believe that the kind of love marriage asks of us is more than we are capable of and we cannot bear the weight. There is a little truth there, but not its fullness. Because the immense concern of God is present to us in these places of our own weakness, and in them He can be our strength.

When situations that cause brokenness and rupture in our relationship occur, we are invited into a process of restoration that ultimately has the capacity to create something much greater than what existed before.

That restoration takes intentionality and patience. It involves real communication about areas of hurt - actual conversations in which responsibility is taken and forgiveness can be offered. It requires humility, which can be so difficult to choose, especially if we know we have wronged the one we love or if we feel hurt by them. But this is exactly where we can ask for the grace of God to strengthen us.

It is the working of His Holy Spirit in us that empowers us to choose humility when we do in fact manage to choose it. It is He who convicts us to apologize and work to mend and learn altogether better ways to love each other.

The longer I'm married, the more I'm coming to believe that the grace of this sacrament is most actively at work healing the places in my heart where woundedness still rules me - the rough and shattered ones - so that I can more freely love my spouse and receive his love in return.

In the end, my husband managed to completely reassemble the broken painting. It hangs once again, now on a wall just beside the fireplace in our current home. And it is glorious. I love it even more than I did before.

And that's not despite the glue fastened edges that are still a little obvious as you look upon it - but it's because of those broken pieces, fixed with such attention and care.

More than just a beautiful religious icon to keep in our home for years to come as I always hoped it would be, it has become a symbol of love. A symbol of the fact that broken things can always be restored.

And through restoration comes a glory greater than what was possible before. That's kind of the entire point of marriage, in a way. That's kind of the entire reason Divine Love was willing to be poured out through that fully human heart of Christ too.

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July 16, 2021

Living Courageously in Your Marriage

July 16, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

"'Have courage' we often say to one another. Courage is a spiritual virtue. The word courage comes from the Latin word cor, which means "heart." A courageous act is an act coming from the heart." - Henri Nouwen

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* *AN ENDLESS PURSUIT*

Those few sentences, nestled quietly within a reflection I recently found, felt monumental to read. They have entirely upended what I thought I knew about being courageous. They made it obvious to me with such clarity and swiftness that courage has a lot more to do with authenticity and perhaps much less to do with interior resolve than I had previously taken it to. This new consideration of the nature of courage has been both freeing and challenging, especially in what it means for marriage.

Marriage demands a lot of courage.

I would have told you that long before Henri Nouwen's words unveiled what that meant in such a radically new way for me. Before, I mostly understood courage to look a lot like strength. An image of myself ready to brace up against whatever was to come against me, with the resolve to hold my shield at attention for as long as it took to weather it. That was courage.

But here, Henri seemed to be describing exactly the opposite. An image of myself in a posture of much greater risk. Hands open, vulnerable, heart exposed and leading the way. Nothing to hide and no focus on self-protection. That's a much different way of imagining what this spiritual and moral virtue looks like lived out. But I think it's a more honest one.

Marriage does demand courage, but it's because any good marriage demands really living from the heart.

It is important to be understand our 'heart' in this context as more than just the place of our emotions. Henri speaks of it as the center of who we are at the core of our being. "The center of all thoughts, feelings, passions, and decisions."

For a marriage to be rich in this virtue, what really matters is honesty. There is no place for a lack of authenticity in what is meant to be the most intimate of our relationships.

If I dare to hope for my marriage to be truly courageous in the way that Henri describes, I need to be willing to bring my whole self to my spouse. I must dare to be fully seen for who I am.

Practically, I must bring honesty and openness to our conversations. I must work to share my thoughts, feelings, and passions, and work to make decisions together in light of them all. I can't try to self-protect and shield myself to avoid the risk of being misunderstood or feeling rejected by my spouse.

That false image of strength can never serve me here. And it couldn't be further from the kind of humility and trust required in these moments.

It can be easy to communicate well when our thoughts, feelings, and passions feel aligned with our spouses'. But courage asks for such honesty at all times, even when it's most difficult.

And doing just that is how we gain the very virtue we are longing for. In the language of faith, different kinds of virtues are described and understood in different ways. Moral Virtues, of which courage (sometimes called fortitude) is one, differ from Theological Virtues chiefly in the manner through which they can grow within us. The Moral Virtues are “acquired by education, by deliberate acts and by a perseverance ever-renewed in repeated efforts" and of course, aided by God's grace.”

This means that it is in those sacred and vulnerable places, during all those repeated efforts we make together to live from the heart, that we will grow and the fruit of this virtue will become clear. We will have a greater ability to "conquer fear, even fear of death, and to face trials and persecutions." Our acts of authentic courage within marriage can gift us greater confidence in the face of all things. This is certainly what God wants for us.

I used to think that courage looked a lot like being willing to fight - to defend and protect and shield. And I suppose there is some truth in that. But in marriage that work becomes shared, and so it changes shape entirely. The only way to defend and protect the relationship is through honesty and vulnerability with each other.

And so the challenge becomes - will I act from the heart? Will I dare to live my marriage courageously?

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June 14, 2021

Healing + Wholeness: The Fruits of Couseling in Your Marriage

June 14, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

Six years ago, I was engaged, freshly graduated from college, and had moved back to my hometown - living a state away from my husband-to-be.

We walked through marriage prep and wedding planning long distance, visiting each other on the weekends and navigating our first jobs all the while. I had begun grad school classes in the evening. Some significant and difficult experiences were happening within my family at the time.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KAITLYN HEACOCK PHOTOGRAPHY — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* *KAITLYN HEACOCK PHOTOGRAPHY*

I felt that in many ways I was living poised for a future that wasn't quite here yet, in a whirlwind of life happening with each step forward towards my wedding day. For all its glory and all its challenges, I can look back on that time now with gratitude and tenderness and see the gift that it was and the growth that happened in its course.

A significant part of that growth came because during that year, I went to counseling for the first time. I can't remember what exactly it was that finally prompted me to Google search Christian counselors near me one night.

I do remember, in fact, feeling unsure that I had enough that I needed to "work through" to make counseling worth it - I mean, would it be fruitful? Would it be a waste of time and money? Would the counselor laugh in my face because I didn't even really know I was there? I wasn't sure.

Were you to have asked me at that moment, I would hardly have been able to tell you if I thought I needed any real healing. But I did know there was a lot happening, and that it might be nice to talk it through with someone. So I called, and a few weeks later went for my first counseling session.

It was, in fact, worth every penny and sacrifice of time.

Far from laughing in my face, the counselor whose client I became was patient and tenderhearted, listening attentively and inviting me to press more deeply into the circumstances of life so I could consider how they were impacting my understanding of myself and others, even God, and how that in turn affected my thoughts and actions in relationships.

It was a pivotal time for me to begin this exploration, because so much of our experiences in relationships have to do with how we perceive things and where our motivation lies. Uncovering, with the help of this beautiful counselor, some of the wounded areas of my heart helped me to gain perspective so as to not be ruled by them. It gave me real things to bring to Christ in my life of prayer and ask for his healing presence to transform.

She helped me untangle intrusive thoughts that did not serve to prepare me for marriage, or live in a healthy way during that time. She listened with no agenda to help me with wedding planning, give me her take on married life, or critique my decisions. She mostly listened. She offered strategies to help me with anxiety and gave me a clearer language with which to express what was happening for me emotionally. Many a conversation during a weekend visit with my fiancée was spent sharing what I had talked about in counseling. It truly blessed us both.

I share all this to say that if you have found yourself considering counseling even in the slightest way, I truly believe it will never be a waste. I can see clearly from the vantage point of where I stand in marriage now, how my experience in counseling during engagement blessed me not only in the moment but for the years to come.

Any time you spend on the kind of healing work that often happens in the context of counseling will serve you well, and in turn will serve your beloved – who shares life with you in a most intimate way.

Some of Good Fruit of Counseling that has been invaluable in my Marriage:

• Time and space to examine my hopes, fears, expectations

• A third/objective party to whom I could bring my experiences to gain perspective, who has no agenda besides supporting me and helping me find healthy ways to live

• Practice in self-expression and unpacking emotions – learning how to share what’s happening internally in an understandable way

• Practice challenging assumptions made about others and becoming curious in the face of my reactions

• Practical tips, solutions, and practices to bring into my lived experience • A richer vocabulary to use when sharing my experiences

• The ability to be much more patient and gentle with myself and others

Read more: Pre-marital Counseling: The Wedding Gift that Keeps on Giving.

Counseling has blessed me in innumerable ways. But those are a few that felt worth sharing because of how meaningfully they’ve integrated into my vocation and helped me in my relationship with my husband. Part of the beauty of counseling is that it is fully ordered towards healing and wholeness, just like our vocation. Marriage, at its best, helps us to heal and find restoration so that we can ultimately be prepared for the eternal relationship of heaven.

I was recently rereading the book Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Fr. Jaques Philippe and was struck by some of his words, which I feel capture what I mean to say about the experience of counseling with real clarity and understanding.

"We often live with this illusion. With the impression that all would go better, we would like the things around us to change, that the circumstances would change. But this is often an error. It is not the exterior circumstances that must change; it is above all our hearts that must change. They must be purified of their withdrawal into themselves, of their sadness, of their lack of hope".

Counseling can be a great tool to bring about renewal in our hearts by way of healing in our mind. It can be such a force for good in our lives and our vocations, offering hope and peace.

If you’re looking for a counselor who shares your Catholic faith, consider searching in your area on www.catholictherapists.com/ or check out the Marriage and Family Therapists on Spoken Bride’s Vendor Guide.

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May 10, 2021

Your Marriage's Role in the Story of Salvation

May 10, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

What story is your life telling? What story is your marriage telling?

PHOTOGRAPHY: PIXELMUSICA WEDDINGS — PHOTOGRAPHY: *PIXELMUSICA WEDDINGS*

These questions are meaningful, even if they may seem to us at first a little self-important. They are the questions of purpose and value. They are the 'why does it matter?' that we can return to in the moments when we may be tempted to believe it doesn't anymore, or when things are really difficult and desolate. They undergird the times when we feel the goodness of God flourishing in our relationship in blossoms of evident grace.

It’s worth it for us to take time to ponder these questions because the implications of how we answer them touch everything that we do and are. They speak deeply into the scope of how we see ourselves in the greater world in which we live. And so, we do not have to fear pride when we take the time to reflect on them. Nor do we have to believe the lie that we aren't important enough to need to answer them. And above all, we do not have to fear that we do not know the answer to them. Because God has given us the answer in Christ.

The truth is that our story is bound up in a much bigger one. Our lives, and in turn our marriages, have a place in the fullness of the story of Salvation History - unfolding in real time, in beauty and mess and detail, under the providence of God.

It’s a story that began at the very beginning and hasn’t stopped since. Through periods of enslavement and wandering and the unfolding of His law. Into ages of prophets and kings and the rising up of a great nation. Into the fullness of time, when He took on flesh and taught and healed and consummated it all on the cross. From His rising to His anointing of those to whom He left his Church and His mission. Into the years of that Church drawing close to Him through His sacraments. All pointing ahead to life fully redeemed with Him and in Him.

The story of your own family fits nestled right in its appointed place in this unfolding tale of God’s love. These historic, Biblical, covenantal moments can be traced through the timeline of our world all leading up to this moment now – the one you’re living. They all lead up and into the reality of your life story and fill it with meaning and scope.

If we mistakenly think that our marriages are only about us, or even more tragically that they are not really meaningful at all, we may miss the most important truth of all. The love that you and your spouse offer each other in fidelity through your lives is part of the way God has chosen to reveal His mystery to the world. It is a part of the greatest and most important story there is. And because of that, your marriage has cosmic level significance. The way you live – the unfolding story of your life, matters immensely.

Far from being meaningless or only about you, your life, vocation deeply included, is drawn up into the story of God's divine love. Henri Nouwen, a favorite spiritual writer and kind of spiritual father to me, once wrote in his book Bread for the Journey:

"We have to trust that our stories deserve to be told. We may discover that the better we tell our stories the better we will want to live them."

The more we come to see our place in the greater story of God’s love for humanity, the better we can comprehend the real importance and dignity of our own life. The more, like Henri would encourage us, we can then trust that our story deserves to be told and shared and lived well.

Because our story matters, and it is not just our own.

Our marriages matter deeply to God. And when we can sense our personal significance to Him, life becomes better. We may then find ourselves capable of living more fully in every respect, which is really all God wants for us.

So maybe the real question of importance then becomes, “How do I see my marriage within the story of God's plan of love?”

Meditating upon that question and finding we can answer it well, can free us from the fear that we do not matter. God wants us to trust that the unfolding stories of our marriages rest in His arms, us confidently knowing the depth of their value.

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April 09, 2021

Becoming Rich Soil for Your Spouse

April 09, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

An image I've loved meditating on at times throughout my marriage is one that comes from the Parable of the Sower.

You've probably heard this passage from the Gospels many times before. In it, Jesus speaks to the crowds that gathered along the shoreline of the Sea of Galilee to hear him.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KELLI SEELEY AS SEEN IN ALANA AND STEPHEN’S CALIFORNIA AIR FORCE WEDDING — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* *KELLI SEELEY* *AS SEEN IN* *ALANA AND STEPHEN’S CALIFORNIA AIR FORCE WEDDING*

He teaches them profoundly through images of nature about the disposition of heart we must cultivate if we hope to be able to receive the good news of the kingdom of God, the word of love and freedom that He has for us, and be changed.

That seed of His word can only grow and flourish if sown into a heart which is open and attentive, humble and receptive - a land of rich soil. Not an open path, leaving it exposed and vulnerable to be snapped up by the birds. Not rocky ground, where roots can't take hold and the sun burns hot, withering it up. Not among the thorns which come to choke it. But rich soil, allowing for growth and life and fruit.

It's an incredibly beautiful image. In my own prayer with this story, Christ has helped me see how it applies to my life within my vocation of marriage. He has given me the beautiful opportunity as a wife to become, in some sense, rich soil for the life of my husband.

It is true that in his parable, Jesus is speaking about the landscape of the personal heart of each disciple. So I don’t mean to say that we're the responsible force for making our spouse receive and live the Gospel message. That’s the work of the Holy Spirit in the freedom of each person’s soul.

But since in our sacramental understanding of marriage we can truly say that we are no longer two but one flesh, there is a sense in which we can read this Parable from the place of our shared life in the Spirit. Doing that has been incredibly meaningful for me because it’s given me imagery to work with as I try to understand the role I play in the spiritual life of my husband and he in mine.

When I come to understand myself as rich soil for my husband’s life, I can free myself from the temptation to believe that I need to be the one in control of sanctifying him, incapable as I would be at accomplishing this task to begin with.

I am not the gardener, the sower of seeds. That is God. Tempting as it may be at times, it is not my responsibility to till and weed and prune my spouse into my own vision of spiritual perfection. Even when I long for his holiness with purity of heart because I desire his good, I do not need to direct the growth of his life of faith.

I do much more to serve and love him when I remember that I’m the helpmate. I’m not called to the work that could only ever belong to the Gardener, but I do play an indispensable role in His plan.

I have an incredible impact on my husband's experience of God's love for him. The manner in which I speak and act in our relationship does a great deal in shaping my husband’s view of himself – his goodness, worthiness, dignity as a son of God. Do I help, through my words and deeds, to cultivate rich soil in which he can confidently grow with God? Praying in this way has placed into check my own tendency for control and reoriented my heart in trust and hope – that God is constantly working for good in my husband, revealing Himself to him, sowing the seed of His word.

But how to be that helpmate, that ‘rich soil’ where the word can take root? What does it look like practically in the life we share with our spouse? Jesus helps us understand, when he goes on to teach the deeper meaning behind the veiled images of his parable. He explains,

“The seed sown on the path is the one who hears the word of the kingdom without understanding it, and the evil one comes and steals away what was sown in his heart. The seed sown on rocky ground is the one who hears the word and receives it at once with joy. But he has no root and lasts only for a time. When some tribulation or persecution comes because of the word, he immediately falls away. The seed sown among thorns is the one who hears the word, but then worldly anxiety and the lure of riches choke the word and it bears no fruit. But the seed sown on rich soil is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and yields a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold.”

With Christ’s words in mind, I think living as rich soil for our spouse means helping him to make sense of the movement of God in his life, to really understand and respond to the action of the Holy Spirit.

It could look like encouraging his life of prayer, protecting time for him to be alone with God consistently. It could mean listening to him share thoughts and desires without judgement or critique. It could mean being intentional with encouragement and affirmation. It could mean responding to his failures and shortcomings with compassion. It should definitely mean praying in the quiet of your heart for him to be a man of receptivity to God.

Rich soil is hearty, solid, safe. It stands between the evil one and the heart of your spouse with courage, so that nothing can steal away what God intends for good in him. It is defense against the pains and persecution that come with his life of discipleship, because the roots of faith can be nourished there - unlike out on the rocky ground. It is protection from the anxiety and materialism of the thorny world. Soil is home for a plant, and we have the gift of being like home for our spouse during our time together on earth. What an incredible gift that is.

Maybe take a few minutes today and read through the Parable of the Sower in Matthew 13. Listen to the words of Christ speaking to you gently and ask him how you may be conformed into a rich soil in the life of your husband so that He can freely sow His word in him. May Jesus give us the grace to love our spouses well, becoming like rich soil for them to grow in the freedom of His love.

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March 08, 2021

For the Good of His Church: How Marriage Blesses the Body of Christ

March 08, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

For the past few weeks, I've found myself meditating on how I fit, within the context of married life, into the Body of Christ. Into the living mission of Jesus on earth.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KATZIE AND BEN PHOTOGRAPHY — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* *KATZIE AND BEN PHOTOGRAPHY*

Day to day, I spend most of my time and energy at the service of those who have been given directly to me in this vocation- my spouse and our children. Loving and serving my family is where I first answer God’s call. But in a real way, the whole Church and even the world is the family of God. I also have a role to play in that family, one with meaning and value.

When we understand marriage as a vocation, we are proclaiming that it is a way we can live out God's calling for us to love and serve Him. And in a particular way, the Catechism reminds us that this means seeking the Kingdom of God by living in such a way that we direct the temporal things of our life according to God's will. Through this, marriage draws us up into the greater mission of Jesus - of bringing everyone into the fold of His family, His Kingdom. How am I living for that mission?

Is my life, shaped and fed through my relationship with my husband, at the service of the God’s will in this way?

This past Sunday during mass, part of the Eucharistic prayer struck me in a way it hadn't before and seemed to respond to these questions of my heart. It was the moment when we respond to the priest's offering of the consecrated gifts, praying that God would accept the sacrifice: "for our good and the good of all His holy Church." Those words spoke to me both about the mass I was praying and the whole of my married life.

The Eucharist, the most intimate of the Sacraments – is given for my personal good but also the good of all the Church, and ultimately the whole world. My marriage, the most intimate of my relationships – is given to me for my personal good but also for the good of all the Church and the whole world. Beginning to consider marriage with this Eucharistic view has helped me to see more clearly what God’s vision for it may be in the life of His Body.

I mean, consider this: receiving the Eucharist is deeply personal. We receive the host, consume it, and our body literally digests it. You can't get much more personal than that. But it also goes beyond us. We are sacramentally fed by God and His presence within us affects us, making us more capable of receiving others in love as we have received Him.

Marriage seems to have a similar pattern. Our need for love and deep, personal belonging is fed by our relationship with our spouse. But the love we first cultivate within our marriage should not only flourish for us to enjoy, separated from others. It is not only meant for us. It is not only meant for our children. It is meant to bear fruit for the world, a collaboration in the greater mission of Jesus.

It is rightly ordered to focus first and most deeply on loving and providing for those in our immediate family – responding to the needs of our spouse, our children if we have them – but there’s also a real temptation to do solely that. We can’t allow our lives to become so insulated that we focus always and only our own good with no concern beyond that.

If we truly believe that marriage is a vocation through which we work to accomplish God’s will in the world, we need to be convicted as a couple to resist the urge to make our lives only about us.

This isn’t to dismiss the primary importance of walking with our spouse on the road of sanctification, or the good of making our homes havens of peace and comfort. But if we get too comfortable to ever leave our own four walls, it could tragically cause us to forget about the bigger family we belong to. Mother Teresa might tell us that in so doing we have in fact “drawn the circle of our family too small.”

The fruit of our marriage should be the ability to love and bless those we encounter more fully and more freely because we have first received that kind of love from God manifest through our spouse.

Our spouse helps us answer the question "am I loveable?" with confidence, and so we can help answer this question for others - for our children, for our friends, but also for the poor, the marginalized, those in our community whom we have a real capacity to assist and invite into our lives.

They are also our brothers and sisters. Our marital love should move us towards a lived devotion to the works of mercy.

It’s a great mystery how God gives himself to us through the sacrament of the Eucharist. It's likewise a mystery how He gives himself to us through the life and love of our spouse. And what beauty and conviction there is in meditating on the reality that both of these encounters with God are meant to feed us so that we may bear fruit for the life of the world. So that we may serve others.

Our marriages are eucharistic, "for our good and the good of all His holy Church." And that really shapes everything.

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January 18, 2021

A Moment of Homecoming

January 18, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

An audio version of this post was featured on our podcast.

For a few years when I was in college, I worked weekends at the small religious gift shop on the grounds of the Basilica of the Assumption in Baltimore City. I will always treasure that time.

I loved it for many reasons, not the least of which being that basically every weekend there was a wedding. Usually many weddings, in fact.

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* VISUAL GRACE

From behind the counter of the little Lodge shop, I had the perfect vantage point.

I would watch through the window whenever wedding parties and guests arrived - see them climb the stairs and pass under the immensity of the historic white pillars, shoes clicking across the marble as they stepped inside.

Flower girls and groomsmen, older family members assisted by grandchildren. Anticipation floated through the air as everyone greeted each other with hugs and laughter, palpable even from my distance. Everyone buzzed with noise and excitement.

Then there would be quiet, a few minutes of stillness. And finally, my favorite moment to watch. Dazzling in white, often with a glorious train flowing behind her, the bride arrived.

She would walk through the front iron gates after friends helped her step out from the car. Often bedecked with garden sized portions of beautiful flowers. And slowly, she would ascend the stairs.

I would watch until she was just out of view, the final bit of white from her dress slipping into the cathedral building where she and her beloved would meet and become one.

All those family members waiting inside to see the beauty of it all. It was always glorious.

I know, the sentimentality I heaped onto these moments as a dreamy-eyed onlooker was perhaps more than they even held for those that lived them. But it was always such a joy for me to behold it all.

Some weekends it seemed like nuptial masses happened back to back all day long. I would see the same scenes unfold again and again amidst ringing up customers and stocking shelves. And as different as each family may have been, or the styles of the dresses, or the weather outside - those moments always held a familiar quality.

The people were always genuine in their joy, and untethered by any other considerations, they could just celebrate being together.

Reflecting on it years later, I can see how those brief moments witnessed deeply to me about the meaning of weddings within the greater communities of our family and friends. They displayed so clearly in their simplicity how the celebration of the sacrament of marriage is a wondrous moment of homecoming.

For family and friends who haven't seen each other in ages. For those who perhaps haven't been inside a church building in a while or feel far from the love of God. Most of all, for the bride and groom. We return to each other. We are reminded of the beauty of life and the value of those who are closest to us.

Beyond the incredible sacramental significance of our wedding day, or maybe because of it, there is a profound invitation for everyone to bring their minds and hearts back to a focus on what matters most: family, love, the relationships at the core of who we are.

We are drawn up into the beauty, given time to really encounter each other, and we can celebrate.

Here's to all the homecomings that happen thanks to the glory, beauty, and joy of a wedding day. And even more importantly, may God grant us the grace to live marriages of homecoming. Marriages that reflect joy and hold space for others - inviting them in to return to what matters most.

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November 30, 2020

Newlywed Life | All for Good

November 30, 2020/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

Around the time my husband and I were approaching our first wedding anniversary, I sat in our small apartment reflecting.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KARLY JO PHOTOGRAPHY — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* *KARLY JO PHOTOGRAPHY*

As I tried to prayerfully contemplate the gift the past year had been, with all its changes and newness, I remembered the question many friends and family members had asked amidst cheerful anniversary wishes: "What's surprised you the most so far in married life?"

I really tried to think about it. I mean, there was a lot. I felt like I had learned so much about myself through the beautiful demands of marriage even just one year in.

I scanned back through the moments that came most easily into my mind's eye. They were a mixture of good and bad and normal. Adventures and dates and last-minute trips we had taken, arguments and misunderstandings that revealed areas where we needed to heal and grow in virtue together, quiet nights just being in each other's presence.

It occurred to me as I leafed back through all those experiences that my feelings about the hard and ugly moments weren't full of the anger or hurt I felt living them. I was shocked at the sense of gratitude and strength that accompanied the memories.

In places where I previously thought only resentment or shame could grow, there was peace.

Something about the fact that we had passed through those painful moments and made it to the other side together was deeply gratifying. We forgave each other and stepped forward. We learned more about each other and how to better love. We tried harder every day.

Marriage draws us into such a beautifully unique kind of relationship. We show up, with our brokenness and baggage, seeking to be loved in entirety. Our spouse seeks the same from us.

This reality is so central to our covenant. "I take you...to have and to hold, from this day forward...for better or worse...until death do us part." We stake our life on fidelity to that promise. In front of God, our family, our friends.

It can be hard sometimes because we are broken people who love imperfectly. Sometimes we disappoint and hurt each other. Sometimes it's better, sometimes worse. But here is the good news. God's very life was present in the exchange of those words, and He has never left us since.

It's such an encouragement to press into the difficult moments in our relationship with our spouse through the lens of the generosity of God. He wastes absolutely nothing. If we continue to seek Him in our lives, even in the midst of our brokenness and struggle, He will use it all for good.

He will take those seemingly ugly and hard moments and craft them into evidence of how deeply we are loved.

They can then become for us signs of how accepted we are by our spouse - that even at our worst, in times of selfishness or anger or whatever it may be, our spouse remains with us, chooses us, and we make it through.

This is an image of the love God the Father has for us manifest in our spouse.

This is not to say that the pain of disagreements, arguments, and disappointments in marriage aren't real and can't be damaging to our relationship. It's not any kind of excuse for real harm done in the context of married love. That is never what God intended for us.

But it is a deep source of hope to know that as we strive to forgive and learn to love our spouse no matter what, we can find God's gracious presence for us in that space.

We keep striving in marriage, and God uses that for good. Even the difficult, not-so-radiantly-beautiful married moments He uses for our sanctification – steps on our journey back to Him.

The most surprising aspect of married life for me at the cusp of that first year, surprises me again and again and likely will forever: God has the power to use every aspect of our marriage to draw us closer to Him.

May we all continue to be surprised by how God takes the imperfections in our marriages and uses them for good. He uses them to transform us and help us understand more deeply the character of His steadfast love.

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September 12, 2017

Receptivity: The Essence of Being a Bride

September 12, 2017/ Editor Spoken Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

Over a year ago, the morning of May 21st, 2016, I was in the library on the ground floor of my beautiful high school, getting ready for my wedding. The Mass would be held in the St. Francis de Sales Chapel at the very center of my alma mater, where I’d sat for school Masses so many times before. Even before then, I had come often as a little girl with my parents, who have worked there since before I was born.

In those final moments between the library bookshelves, just before my mom and sister helped button the back of my dress and my dad hugged me one last time, as I tucked the strand of hair back into place behind the pin it kept slipping out of, the priest who would celebrate our Mass came down to see me.

He pulled me aside to tell me one last thing--“the most important thing”--according to him, before I walked upstairs and the celebration started. His words were these:

“You have done so much to prepare for this moment. So much planning, so much preparation, so much prayer. Endless conversations have been had, decisions made, things accomplished. You don’t need to focus on any of that anymore. All you need to do now is simply receive. Just sit back and place yourself in the position to receive all the grace God wants to pour into your heart through this sacrament. Don’t focus on any other details at this point. Just open your heart and receive all the love that’s about to flood in.”

They were the words I needed to hear. He knew that. He had probably given similar advice to other brides on their wedding days, and as he hugged me and told me he’d see me upstairs, I let them sink in.

These words shaped the rest of my wedding day. They’ve shaped my life as a wife since. They have radically impacted my experience of this vocation, and thank goodness for that. I’m not sure if that sweet priest realized the weight of his words for me.

But because of Fr. Gregory’s little reminder that what God wanted for me on my wedding day was to receive his grace in a profound and tangible way through the gift of my husband, I could recognize and truly receive that gift. The gift of peace I felt poured onto me on my wedding day seemed to drape over everything. I felt how deeply bridal it was to position myself with my heart open to Christ and those around me--particularly the man who became my husband that day.

I’ve realized more and more since that humble receptivity is the very essence of this vocation. Living as a wife means the constant work of receiving your husband with love. Living as a mother extends this reality profoundly to your children. Living as a woman, in a most basic and beautiful way, asks us to make our hearts a home for all those we encounter.

And even further, the vocation of marriage asks that we be prepared to be received by our husbands in love, and to accept the love of Jesus through them. Trying to return, again and again, to a place of intentional openness is so woven into my experience of being a wife that I can see it as the bridge that connected engagement and marriage for me.

It’s true that many things change through the reception of this sacrament and the entering into this new stage of life, but what remains essential is the call for an open heart--even if its expression changes shape over time.

And so engaged, married, or single, these priestly words of wisdom shared with me that May morning can inspire your heart like they have mine. When we are open to the grace God wishes to give us each day, He will never cease to meet us and pour Himself into us to make us stronger and more capable of love. And that will always make us able to more wholly receive each day the gift it is meant to be.

About the Author: Corinne Gannotti studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University of Steubenville and works now as a middle school religion teacher in Pennsylvania. She loves many things, not the least of which include theatre, her hilarious husband Sam, running, Dunkin Donuts, and St. Bernadette. She and her husband are anxiously awaiting the birth of their first baby. She is a consistent contributor to the Integrity blog.

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A Prayer for the Spoken Bride, disciple of Jesus.

A Prayer for the Spoken Bride

Witnessing to the Fidelity of God in Marriage

Smashing the Idol of Perfectionism in Marriage

Growing in Virtue When Planning a Wedding

Prudence

Temperance

Hope

Love

The Prayer of St. Francis: A Canticle for Spouses

Restoration of the Broken

Living Courageously in Your Marriage

Healing + Wholeness: The Fruits of Couseling in Your Marriage

Some of Good Fruit of Counseling that has been invaluable in my Marriage:

Your Marriage's Role in the Story of Salvation

Becoming Rich Soil for Your Spouse

For the Good of His Church: How Marriage Blesses the Body of Christ

A Moment of Homecoming

Newlywed Life | All for Good

Receptivity: The Essence of Being a Bride

SPOKEN BRIDE