A Prayer for the Spoken Bride, disciple of Jesus.

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CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

In the past few months, I've been rereading and meditating on the words of the Church found in the Catechism's article about the Sacrament of Matrimony. 

I've been so moved by its language - the way in which its authors describe the nature and end of marriage, and all its essential qualities. But beautiful as they are, it can be easy to read the teachings of the Catechism contained here as spiritual reflections that feel far from our lived experiences of married life. 

But that's not what they are meant to be. 

“Catechesis” is the term used in the language of faith to describe the whole effort of the Church to make disciples. So, we can understand that all the words contained in the Catechism are placed there to help form us to be better disciples of Jesus, more honest and intentional followers of Him. 

They aren't just beautiful theological conjecture. The spiritual words of the Church here are meaningful for our real lives - in study and formation and prayer. They come from Sacred Scripture, the Church Fathers, liturgy, the Church's Magisterium. And honestly, praying with the very words of this section of the Catechism is a beautiful way to realize their catechetical aim, because prayer is a central way in which we live out our lives as disciples.

My own praying with these paragraphs of the Catechism has been a blessing. And should you ever choose to, I'm very confident it will bless you as well. 

I found that the fruit of praying with these teachings was a deep sense of encouragement. And I really believe the Teaching Church wants married couples to find inspiration and reassurance here. So even if you don’t find in yourself the desire to sit with these paragraphs in the quiet of personal prayer, I hope to offer you a sense of that encouragement in a little poetic prayer crafted with some of the words and much of the spirit of this section of the Catechism. 

I hope in it you can hear the voice of the Body of Christ - the Church Jesus left to form and guide and bring you close to Him - encouraging you in your vocation.

A Prayer for the Spoken Bride

As I live daily in the workings of the mystery of marriage,
Keep me awake to Your movement, O God.

You are the author of this covenant union and I do not stand alone. Entwined within my marriage’s intimacy is the power of Your Holy Spirit, And you will not deny me the grace which I seek.

You have created me for communion.
Give me the grace to find You in my spouse even when I forget that this very intimate belonging is Your great gift to me, through him. Marriage makes my whole life echo Your character to the world - A chance to become an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which You love.

Free my marriage from the entanglement of sin and sanctify me through the brokenness I encounter in my spouse, and he in me.
May our love be marked with a pattern of forgiveness and repair. May I experience a taste of Your holy mercy through my husband’s love for me, my husband who accepts me despite my shortcomings, who chooses me in my frailty.

Fortify my marriage against the enemy who seeks to undermine our love, to plant seeds of discontent and fear and a desire for self-protection where it does not belong.
For there is no fear in love, and in Your holy name I cast it out.

It is You who binds up my wounds - the ones that only marriage may cause me to realize I possess.
Give me Your grace, the holy life You promise me through this Sacrament, never refuse it to me. Without it I can never hope to live the fidelity I have promised. Because it is Your fidelity I have promised.

May the love of my marriage be found good, very good in Your eyes. May the sufferings my husband and I bear now as crosses in our shared life on earth become our shared offering to You - enflamed with the fire of your Holy Spirit, who guards the bond of our union.
May they be like burnt offerings made from the altar of our Domestic Church - our island of belief in an unbelieving world.

You will never leave me.
As You ask me, through marriage, to live entirely in a posture of gift, You also prepare me to receive new life in You and through You. As I learn to endure in generosity, I will find You there. In whatever way you shape my family on this earth, I will find You there.

May my marriage be for my good and the good of my husband.
May I trust in Your providence.
May I know Your intimate love.
Without you, I can do nothing.

You are the source of my marriage’s love,
You are the end of my marriage’s love,
You are Love.

Holy Family of Nazareth, pray for us.

Amen.

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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The Posture of Preparation

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ADELAE ZAMBON

 

We dream about it as a little girl: our wedding; that encounter with our groom. We wonder who he will be; what the day will be like.

Once we’ve met him and a word of commitment to forever is exchanged, we prepare for that long-awaited day. We ready ourselves for our groom.

As months, weeks, days, and hours pass and lead us closer to the moment we meet him as his bride, we meticulously choose colors, centerpieces, flowers, a wedding dress, our bridal garments; we adorn ourselves with hairpieces, earrings, the special ring, a sweet scent; we clean our bodies and our souls for the Sacrament, entering into the covenant. Attentive to every detail, we ready ourselves.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, we walk through another preparatory season, one set aside to recall and celebrate Christ’s first Advent, His coming to us in His nativity. Yet, it is also a time to meditate on His promise to return, that He will come again. For that second Advent, we are summoned to be ready.

What does it mean “to be ready?”

At its foundation, it means living a life of prayer and frequenting the Sacraments; remaining in a state of grace and perpetual detachment of this world, our souls en garde for the next. It looks like living intimacy with Christ as our hopeful hearts anticipate Him.

It also means maintaining a posture of readiness in all that we do, perhaps even in our vocation. 

Through the language of the body, what we actively set in motion can impact our spiritual disposition. 

When we open our hands with receptivity in prayer; when we genuflect or bow down; when we physically seek out Jesus in Church, these physical gestures have the ability to translate to the openness of our soul to the Lord.

What if this is true in our homes as we live in preparation for our Bridegroom, Jesus? What if, as we practice readiness, service and hospitality towards our spouse, our “bridegroom of the present,” we prepare ourselves for Love Himself to return?

What if the posture of bridal anticipation and receptivity in expectation of Christ, our Bridegroom can manifest and can form and mold our hearts in the way we await, greet and serve our husbands in the home?

The childlike heart of my son has taught me much about looking forward to the arrival of his father. His first words when he wakes from his nap are most often, “wait for Dada?” He knows his father will be back after a long day at work and he wants to be there, outside, on the curb to greet him.

Through the beautiful witness of this little one’s pure love, my husband’s homecoming is truly celebrated after great expectation. Now, it is the highlight of our day. When he returns, we meet him with the depths of enthusiasm and joy of being reunited with the one we missed during his absence.

This has brought me to reflect upon meeting Jesus when He comes back for us. Am I ardently perched on the stoop of my heart yearning to encounter Him? 

We can choose to make every greeting with our spouse a prayer for our readiness to greet Christ Himself. We can pray for our spouse’s encounter at that time with his Lord. And we can pause to reflect in this routine or “commonplace” moment with awe upon the inconceivably greater joy it will be when it is our Lord we are reunited with.

In a similar way, as we set the table, prepare a meal, tidy the house, furnish the homespace, our gestures of hospitality and service can serve our growth in intimacy with Our Lord. In Theology of the Home by Carrie Gress and Noelle Mering, readers are introduced to the idea that the interior of our domestic churches, our homes, is meant to draw those who come within to a reflection of their Eternal Home. 

Our domestic church sanctuaries are meant to bring us into encounter with the Divine like walking into our parish sanctuary.

The daily, mundane tasks can become a prayer and the posture we hold as we go about them can cultivate within us a lamp that is lit for the visit Christ will pay us one day.

Growing up, preparing for my own father’s return home after a work day, we would tidy the home, help prepare the evening meal and try to create an environment of calm, warmth and hospitality despite the rowdy, energy of eight young ones running about. 

Vividly, I recall my mom explaining she must “prepare her home for her king;” this is how she saw making a home for my dad. I have taken this to heart in serving my own king of the home, who I have been called to serve. Each motion serves as a reminder of how I want my external and internal space to be when Jesus knocks on my door. I want my abode to be ready to welcome him.

Readiness for Christ requires us to ready our soul. The Sacraments cultivate spiritual receptivity. They heal us and call us into union with Him through the grace we are given there. Prayer without ceasing keeps us aware and attuned to HIS movements - where is He, where is He calling us and when is He coming for us. 

Ultimately, too, this intimacy with Christ is the catalyst for intimacy between a husband and wife. And our marital union here foreshadows and forms us for the heavenly union with our Bridegroom. We are His bride. On Him, we wait. For us, He shall come. Make haste, light your lamp.

About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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Smashing the Idol of Perfectionism in Marriage

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CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

Of the many ways that the vocation of marriage can shape and purify us, one I've found both fantastically difficult and incredibly freeing is the way in which it calls for the absolute demolition of the idols hidden within my heart, specifically perfectionism.

It makes those false gods obvious, laid bare in my experiences of disappointment or unmet expectation - I have to confront those experiences and ask myself honestly if they are reasonable reactions (we are fallen people that fail each other) or if they stem from casting my own vision of what my marriage and my spouse should look like, making that the most important thing.

In marriage, we walk alongside our spouse - entrusted to each other and in that union entrusted to God. Peace comes from knowing God resides there at our center, His grace present in the sacramental bond that tethers us. With His life-giving love to form our vision of what true love should look like lived out and through which to discern where we are headed, things make much more sense. We're more fully able to accept our spouse fully, loving that person deeply through seasons of growth and change and even struggle or failure. 

When we enthrone Christ in the center of our relationship, we can see Him in our spouse so much more clearly and remain focused on our call to love and honor our spouse always. 

But when we replace that with our own view of how we think things should be we can find ourselves trapped worshipping a false god of our own creation. We can get stuck striving for what we think a perfected marriage and life should look like, rather than what God has and continues to reveal to us.

It can be easier than I'd like to admit to dethrone God from the central place where He belongs within my marriage. To instead place my own image of perfection there and slip into caring primarily about creating the kind of life and relationship that will fulfill my personal desires and presumptions of what a holy and happy marriage or family should look like. But there's little space to live and breathe and love authentically there. We spend too much energy striving for something that God doesn’t ask of us, which will never satisfy.

The false idol of perfectionism in marriage will only fill our hearts with a spirit of comparison and the erroneous belief that once things look the way we think they should - once we fix this issue, or my spouse stops acting that way, or this life situation becomes easier - then we will finally have the happiness we desire. 

Sometimes in our longing for the perfect love for which we were created, we can craft mental images that seem good but really end up distorting our vision of the good that actually lies in front of us. And Satan loves to twist those well-intentioned desires into straight up idols that stand in the way of us receiving God's goodness, and instead breed resentment, dissatisfaction, and isolation. From there it becomes ever easier to fall into despair because it seems like things may never look as they "should." This lie can keep us trapped and self-serving if we don't see it for what it truly is.

Once we get stuck creating our own vision of perfection for our marriage, placing that above all else, our real life spouse and real life circumstances may never feel like enough. They may never meet the standard we create for them and even if they do, this is a false victory rooted in selfishness. It's concerned first with what I want, creating the life I think will make me happy in the way I envision. It will always end up falling short and ultimately opposing the kind of self-sacrificial love God invites us to live in this vocation.

Marriage invites us to fight against false idols together by becoming honest together. By facing the expectations and hopes we have, placing them in right order or casting them aside when we find them becoming the things we aim for instead of God Himself. 

If perfectionism creeps into our marriage, we should run to God and ask Him to show us our poverty, to help us remember that the goodness He created us for is greater than any temporal situation we can try to curate for ourselves. Place Him once again on the throne and smash those darn idols into dust so they don't stand in our way, blocking our view of the glorious life we actually have before us and the wonderful spouse we have chosen and the real moments of our day in which we can strive for holiness. 

Smashing idols, working again and again in our imperfection to enthrone God within our hearts so we can love each other well and strive after what will really fulfill us, that sounds better than anything I could imagine.

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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The Different Languages of "I'm Sorry"

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ADELAE ZAMBON

 

I vividly remember the early disagreements of our relationship. We were still dating and the concept that this person I was head-over-heels for might have a differing viewpoint or preference literally stunned me.

Navigating differences of opinion, unmet expectations, hurt feelings, or surfacing mistrust in a relationship can be nothing short of a challenge. Resolving any type of discord between you and your significant other can feel awkward, messy, and even uncertain at the beginning. 

It takes time to learn about one another. It takes intention to learn how to love one another. And ultimately, the vulnerable, humble, open receptivity required of asking for and extending forgiveness can strengthen a relationship.

Because the Lord can bring good through all things, conflict can fortify and refine a couple, making them more “one.”

Once we’ve experienced contention, though, how do we go about reconciliation?

In the early days of our relationship, this was harder than we’d expected. That is, until my husband came across The 5 Apology Languages.

Like many of you, we’d heard of The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman’s popular book on the topic had been a New York Times Bestseller for over ten years. Then we discovered that there are reconciliation styles or “apologies languages” as well! This changed our relationship; but before it did, I had to be won over because I was skeptical. I believed that in a loving, trusting relationship, I should simply trust his apology was genuine.

Eventually, I agreed to take the online quiz. . . turns out we had very different apology languages!

The results of the quiz revealed that my primary apology language was “Expressing Regret.” According to 5lovelanguages.com, “for those who listen for ‘Expressing Regret’ apologies, a simple ‘I’m sorry’ is all they look for.” As someone who listens for this apology language, I need my other-half to express his genuine remorse for the emotional hurt that had been caused. As long as he acknowledges his regret for the hurt that I felt and expresses it wasn’t his intent, I can find closure and healing.

On the other hand, my spouse’s primary Apology Language was “Accept Responsibility.” As 5lovelanguages.com explains, “for many individuals, all they want is to hear the words, ‘I am wrong.’ If the apology neglects accepting responsibility for their actions, many partners will not feel as though the apology was meaningful and sincere.” With this apology language, the admission of fault is key. For Joe, in order for him to feel the conflict was resolved, he needed me to accept responsibility for my action or words and the effect they had on him.

Example A of how this would unfold:

I am hurt. Joe would try to apologize by taking ownership for what he did: “I’m sorry that I said xyz. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Yet, I would still ache for him to say he didn’t mean to hurt me so we would not find complete closure from the conflict.


Example B, in the reverse scenario:

Joe is hurt. To try to make things right, I would say that I hadn’t meant to hurt him: “I’m sorry that it hurt when I said xyz; I didn’t mean to make you feel dismissed. I meant ____.”

Yet, in me trying to explain what my intention was, Joe heard excuses; he wanted me to say that I was wrong. I needed to admit fault and take accountability. Thus, the conflict remained unresolved.

As you can see, it’s so easy to “miss” each other in attempts to reconcile and resolve a misunderstanding or an interaction that left one or both people hurt.

Just as knowing your beloved’s love language helps us to care for them in the ways they want and need to be loved through physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts and quality time, so does knowing their apology language helps us to love them into healing and reconciliation.

Without this knowledge, we may unknowingly be overlooking an opportunity to extend charity where they seek it most.

More resources for understanding you and your spouse’s apology language:

Now You’re Speaking My Language by Gary Chapman

The Five Apology Languages by Gary Chapman

The Five Apology Languages Quiz

About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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Discerning your Secondary Vocation

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

Do you have ideas of what your role as a wife in marriage should look like? 

PHOTOGRAPHY: Matthew Lomanno

PHOTOGRAPHY: Matthew Lomanno

I've never believed that all women's lives should look a certain way, but I certainly had ideas of what my day-to-day duties as a wife and mother would look like. I was surprised, then, to find God calling me more than once to relinquish my expectations and to realize that his daily calling for me within the life-long vocation of marriage was something that could change.

What helped me most was coming to a fuller understanding of the Catholic Church's beliefs about vocations. The Church sees vocation on three levels: the universal call to holiness, then the primary vocation, and lastly the secondary vocation. 

Through baptism every Christian is given the universal call to holiness. The primary vocation is an individual's calling to marriage, religious life, or consecrated single life. The secondary vocation more specifically makes up your day-to-day life: your job, the way you use your gifts and talents in service of God, the volunteer opportunities you pursue and so on.

The distinction between the three is important, because when we conflate them, we can get rigid and inaccurate ideas about how we should live. 

Too often it can be tempting to listen to loud voices declaring that a faithful Catholic wife stays at home with her children, homeschools, and makes home cooked meals from scratch. Or on the flipside, other voices cry out that if there is any desire in her heart for a dream outside of the home, then not following that desire is denying herself in an essential and unhealthy way.

Neither of these extremes are dogmatic, and when they are taken as such, they can cause needless anxiety. The reality, in my own life, has been far more nuanced. 

I have lived out the secondary vocation within my primary vocation of marriage in many different ways.

I've worked both full-time and part-time outside the home. I've stayed home full time, and I've worked from home. I've sent my kids to daycare, and I've also spent every minute of the day with them. I've recently begun homeschooling my oldest, but perhaps some day I'll send him and his siblings to a brick and mortar school.

I've worked in jobs that did not suit my charisms at all (looking at you, customer service). And I've lived through seasons where the day-to-day tasks that comprise my secondary vocation have been far more fitting for my gifts: lecturing on literature or reading aloud to a preschooler.

And in all seasons there has been sacrifice. In all seasons, my husband and I have had to ask ourselves if the way we've structured our lives is contributing to peace in us as individuals and in our family as a whole, and if not, if there is something we can change to better serve one another.

The longer I've been married, the more I've realized how impermanent the circumstances of day-to-day life can be and how crucial it is to be attentive to the voice of the Holy Spirit in order to not become too attached to the kind of life we've built or the one we desire. 

Related: Exercising Discernment Through Seasons of Life

I've learned that, while it's ideal for our daily work to align with our particular charisms, there are seasons where, for the good of our family, we may have to sacrifice the work we want for the work we must do.

How, then, do you become adept at discerning your secondary vocation? I'm still learning, but here are a few things that have helped me:

Learn from the wisdom of others

Take advantage of the wisdom shared by those who have walked with many people through the same decisions you have to make. Reading a book like What's Your Decision: An Ignatian Approach to Decision Making or Jacques Phillipe's In the School of the Holy Spirit has been particularly helpful for me.

Talk to your spouse

Having regular, honest conversations with your spouse are crucial. It's so easy to go on auto-pilot under the duress of work and family life, that we can fail to see our spouse drowning or vice versa.

Make prayer a priority

We cannot listen to the noise of Catholic media personalities more than the time we spend with God Himself and expect to have clarity in our lives. Spend time with Christ in Adoration, meditate upon His Word, contemplate the mysteries of His life in the Rosary. The goal of this life, the one our secondary vocation should be directed towards, is ultimately to share in God's divine life for all eternity. We cannot do this if we do not know Him.

Discernment doesn't end once we've said "I do" and slipped the ring on our beloved's finger. It never ends, because conversion never ends. 

Understanding God's individual call to us for how we must live out our daily lives is something we must engage in constantly, individually and as a couple.

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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It's Here! All About Our New Advent Book Release.

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Today it’s our joy to announce the launch of our first full-length book, Awaited: an Advent Devotional for Catholic Couples!

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A longtime dream, we wrote Awaited specifically for couples to share in this season, side-by-side and face-to-face. While we've encountered a variety of liturgical resources for personal reflection, geared toward men or women individually, we envisioned a resource couples could use together--growing in understanding and delving deeper into the heart of God all the while. And here it is! 

We know engagement and married life are ripe for imagining the type of home, traditions, and celebrations you hope to create for your family.

So we’re so proud to offer you a devotional that’s both practically and spiritually edifying, rooted in Scripture and prayer, and encourages you and your beloved to dream and converse. We sincerely hope you love it and that it bears fruits in your relationship year after year.

Here’s what you’ll find inside:

  • Weekly focal points emphasizing different aspects of preparing for Christ's birth: preparing your home, your family, your marriage, and your hearts for the Christmas season

  • Daily reflections, questions, and action steps to read and discuss as a couple

  • Four guided prayer exercises intended to strengthen your shared spiritual lives, throughout Advent and beyond

Ready to get your copy? Ideal for any season of engagement, newlywed life, and years into marriage, Awaited is available now through Amazon and Barnes & Noble, in a digital format or beautifully finished, matte cover paperback.

Wait in hope. The Awaited One––He who will transform our marriages and our lives ––is near.

Feeling Stuck? How My Husband and I Recommit to Our Priorities.

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

There is a lot dead in me that needs to be raised. 

During our long-distance engagement, my husband and I would excitedly anticipate finally being together every day and night, dreaming about all we wanted our married life to be: time spent face-to-face and not side-by-side; a shared sense of wonder with time spent outdoors and exploring our city; a home filled with inspiring literature and music. 

It was exhilarating, until the realization set in that we were spending many evenings next to each other on the couch, laptops open to separate projects we should have left at work; until it felt easier to skip a hike or bike ride and just keep clicking next episode; until our Sunday papers and poetry journals sat ignored in favor of our phones.

Why is it so easy to dream, but so hard to take actual steps toward realizing them? My marriage has been through several seasons like this, where apathy takes over and feels easier than making a change, even when we feel dissatisfied with our habits.

When you so deeply desire to be fully alive, bad habits just make you feel...dead.

Though we aren’t perfect at making an immediate change and turnaround, my husband and I have, fortunately, developed an easy list-making practice that helps us reorient ourselves and turn our focus back to what we truly value. If you’re in a “stuck” season yourself, I invite you to get out a notepad and try out a reset. Here’s how:

List 5 things you deeply love and hope to invest your time in.

Is it a favorite hobby? Hosting and hospitality? Quality time with family? Travel? To make this list, consider what renews you and your beloved, what you dream about doing, and what pursuits make time slow down. Write down what it is you love!

List the 5 things you most frequently invest your time in.

No judgment! Just honesty. Is your time most frequently spent on work? Chores? What types of leisure? Who are you with?

Maybe you can see where this is going.

Compare your two lists: is there any overlap? What areas of how you’re actually living your day-to-day align with how you’re hoping to live your day-to-day? 

It’s eye-opening to consider how well, or not well, your priorities and passions correspond to your daily choices. And for me, it’s motivating.

During the times I clearly see myself pushing aside the things that truly bring me alive, choosing the crumbs instead of the feast, I find myself thinking of the span of my life, and what the legacy of my actions, marriage, and family will be: decades from now, will I truly be able to say I sought what is beautiful, good, and fulfilling, or that I spent my life watching TV? To be clear! It’s certainly not wrong to spend an afternoon relaxing with a show you love. If, however, I consistently choose TV over something I objectively enjoy more, a habit is formed and that starts to become my life.

I should also be clear in saying I recognize that these big dreams, that first list of what you love, might feel like a privilege. Sometimes, circumstances and family situations dictate that we’re more beholden to work or that some pursuits aren’t financially attainable for the season you’re in. I encourage you, though, to dream anyway, trusting and hoping that in whatever moments of leisure you have, the Lord in his goodness will revive you still, inviting you to meet him where you are and use your time with intention.

Father, you who are eternal, thank you for the gift of time. May we use it to seek and find you, living lives of integration and fulfillment. Draw us back to you in all things.

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Writing Heartfelt Thank You Notes (with Scripts for Catholic Brides)

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HANNAH HOLLCRAFT

 

A well written thank you note is an act of love. It expresses gratitude and thoughtfulness

PHOTOGRAPHY AND STATIONERY: HUDSON & PRESS

PHOTOGRAPHY AND STATIONERY: HUDSON & PRESS

It takes time and effort to write individual thank you cards for your wedding and bridal shower, but this gesture can express your gratitude and thoughtfulness in a truly unique way.

Plus, sending a thank you note after your wedding allows you to share your new address with friends and family. 

Your guests will appreciate the warmth and personal touch a thank you note brings.

Here are some scripts you can use for inspiration to  make your own heartfelt thank you notes:

Dear (Name),

Thank you for coming to my bridal shower this Summer. I loved getting the chance to celebrate and visit with you. Thank you for the (name of gift). It was very thoughtful of you and I am excited to (way you will use the gift). (Fiance’s name) and I are blessed to have your support as we get ready to enter the Sacrament of Marriage. Please keep us in your prayers. We can’t wait to celebrate with you on (Wedding Date).

Gratefully, The Future Mrs. (Last)

Dear (Name),

Thank you for coming to celebrate our wedding day with us! We were honored to have you there to support us as we entered the Sacrament of Marriage. It was such a joyful day for us and it wouldn’t have been the same without so many amazing friends and family surrounding us. Thank you for the (name of gift). (Husband’s name) and I cannot wait to (way you will use the gift). We are so blessed to have you in our lives, thank you for your generosity.

In Christ, Mr. and Mrs. (Last Name)

Dear (Name),

Thank you for the (name of gift) you sent us to celebrate our wedding. We are very grateful. We already (way you have used the gift). We missed being able to celebrate with you in person but (husband’s name) and felt your love even from far away. We promise to send you lots of photos. Thank you again and warm wishes to your family!

With Love, Mr. and Mrs. (Last Name)

Read more: Heartfelt Thank You Notes: The 6th Love Language


Include any personal/relevant details to make a thank you note extra special:

“We were touched that you traveled all the way from ... to celebrate with us.” 

“It was great to hear about…” 

“We can’t wait to see you and your family again at…” 

“Your children are getting so grown up we were overjoyed to see them again.” 

“Congratulations on…”


If someone did something particular to help out at the wedding or shower be sure to mention it by name:

“Thank you for baking the cookies, they were delicious!” 

“We were so grateful to borrow the venue decorations you lent us.” 

“Thank you for being there to help us set up the tables for the reception. We couldn’t have done it without you.” 

When someone gives you a money or gift card try to be specific about how you will use it:

“Thank you for the gift card to Target. We will use it to buy bath towels for our new home.” “Thank you for the generous $50 you gave us. We will be using it as we travel to (location) for our honeymoon.” 

“Thank you for donating to our wedding fund. Thanks to you we were able to hire the photographer we wanted even though they were a little out of our initial price range. We will treasure our wedding photos for a long time to come.”

Finally, don’t forget to write thank you notes for the most important people in your lives. Parents, Bridesmaids, new In-Laws, Grandparents, and Siblings will all appreciate a handwritten note expressing your gratitude:

“Thank you for being my Maid of Honor. I cannot express how grateful I am that you were beside me as I entered my new vocation. Your friendship is such a gift.”

“Mom and Dad thank you for every little and big thing you did to help with my wedding. I know you made so many sacrifices to get me to this place in my life and I am so very grateful. Thank you for the woman you raised me to be and the way that you’ve always been there to love and support me.”

“Grandma, thank you so much for all the love and kindness you’ve always shown me. Thank you especially for coming with Mom and I when we picked out my wedding dress. It was so special to have you there with me on such a special day.” 

About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.

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Marriage: A Sacrament of Healing

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ADELAE ZAMBON

 

We most often hear Marriage categorized as a “sacrament of service” or a “sacrament of communion.” 

Yet, as my husband and I have discovered being united by this sacrament, the Lord desires for it to be one of healing too.

I remember the first time I let my husband see the rawness of my heart. We were engaged and our wedding day was drawing near. As we prepared our hearts and souls to be united and made one, we felt the Lord drawing us closer and closer in emotional and spiritual intimacy.

I could feel the internal tug of war; the way the narratives written by my trauma and past mistakes tried to take the lead on writing the new story between us. I could see the lies and inner vows vying for the driver’s seat. At times, our hearts were a battle ground.

I knew there were parts of my story that I needed to bring to the light in order for him to fully make a free choice and for me to believe I was truly being received for all the past mistakes and imperfections I might carry.

By rivers of tears, stories were shared. Hours passed and he only embraced me stronger and loved me harder. He didn’t shy away or shun me. He declared words of dignity and love over my wounds. He spoke clarity into the confusion and truth over my identity that dispersed the shame. I was undone in the most beautifully healing, humbling, and convicting way.

In those moments of revealing my heart, the light of His love was freeing. You see, Satan loves to operate in darkness. He wants you to remain shrouded there, but Love is the Light that breaks through and reveals truth, beauty and dignity. And the Lord uses marriage as a vessel of such light as it is the place of His love.

Our wounds are our places of greatest vulnerability. There, we are most susceptible to believe and take agreement with lies about our identity that are whispered to us by the evil one. In his book Be Healed: A Guide to Encountering the Powerful Love of Jesus in Your Life, Dr. Bob Schuchts writes that these identity lies and beliefs “shape the way we see ourselves and become filters through which we view life in all its many aspects.”

Though, continues Schuchts, “we may believe with our intellects that we are God’s beloved children. . .our hearts believe a different message.” Out of a wound, inner vows can be made as well. 

These are conscious or unconscious decisions that we make to keep ourselves safe in the midst of present suffering, or in recalling past pain. They serve as protective mechanisms to avoid further hurt and affect how we see and relate to God, ourselves, others and the world around us. Often, they become barriers around our heart, impacting our closest relationships.

When you feel a block, an obstacle or find yourself “triggered,” you may have come into contact with the safety net you’ve cast around your heart. Unfortunately, this mode of “safety” also serves as a blockade from true intimacy with our spouse and our God.

Fear not, though-- that which could cause the greatest division can also act as the conduit to the deepest intimacy!

When you feel a catch in your heart, a moment’s mistrust of the other - ask yourself, why?

Could it be that you have been activated by a word, action, or mannerism of your beloved that is causing your mind, body or heart to recall a hurt in your past? Here, the Lord draws attention and invites us into healing. Here is where He draws us close to true safety.

These are times to pause, reflect and pray. Take some time to take inventory of what takes place within your heart during these moments. Invite your spouse into the conversation. Then, together, take it to prayer.

Perhaps try these steps to explore how the Lord wants to use the situation to usher in healing for you and greater unity for your marriage:


Step 1

In times of confusion, miscommunication, hurt, division: examine the narratives running through your head: What do you see in your mind’s eye? Are there memories surfacing? Are you reliving a past event?

What are you hearing? Are there any lies or inner vows about yourself, your partner, God, the world? Does it go against the truth of your identity as a Daughter of the King of Kings? Does it go against the nature of God? What are you feeling? Is there a spirit of fear or anxiety?

Remember, the voice of God breathes peace. His word is not condemning, nor does it cause fear, restlessness, unease or anxiety.

Step 2

Write down any lies/inner vows/fears/doubts in a list on the left side of a sheet of paper.

Step 3

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the truth, the antidotes to the lies/inner vows/fears/doubts, etc. List them on the right side of paper, opposite to its respective lie, vow, etc.

Step 4

Take these to prayer with your spouse. The spousal office holds power and the intercession for your beloved has a profound role in our healing. 

Intercessory prayer allows spouses to live out their call to support their beloved’s intimacy with the Divine, helping the other grow closer to the Lord and walking him/her to Heaven.

Pray: Renounce each individual lie/fear/inner vow: In the Name of Jesus, I renounce_________. Lord, please break the power of it over me right now. In its place, please fill me with [insert the antidote truth you listed to the right of this lie or fear or inner vow].

Repeat with each lie/fear/inner vow/doubt, etc.

Step 5

Close by entrusting your prayer for healing and freedom to Our Lady Undoer of Knots with a “Hail Mary.”

You can come back to your litany of truths on this sheet over and over again when you need to be armed against the lies. And if you find yourself afflicted by the same lies and inner vows continually, you may consider counseling to help you address the root of the wound behind them.

The Lord uses our vocation of marriage to sanctify us, to make us holy, to make us WHOLE as is God’s design for us. It forms us for the complete wholeness and fulfillment of Heaven. Sacraments bestow grace upon us that we need to make the journey to Heaven. 

Through marriage, God readies His bride (you) through the bridegroom He has given you (your husband), who is a channel of His love for you here on Earth as you are prepared for your Heavenly Bridegroom, Jesus Christ.

Let’s be saints, perfected through our imperfections and healed by Love.

More helpful resources for exploring healing that will manifoldly bless your life and relationships:

Be Healed by Dr. Bob Schuchts

Created for Connection by Sue Johnson

Unbound by Neal Lozano

“Restore the Glory” Podcast with Dr. Bob Schuchts & Jake Khym, MA

About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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Make Time for What Matters | Tips for Setting Priorities as a Family

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

Here's what I expected marriage to look like: a home full of beauty and order, a daily shared prayer life, involvement in ministries at our parish, evenings spent reading great literature together, and setting deep roots in our local community of family and friends.

Here's what I did not expect: evenings spent consuming tv shows, weeks or months sometimes between seeing friends, parish hopping on Sundays because we're running late...again, a home full of clutter and chaos, a an inconsistent shared prayer life (and, truth be told, an inconsistent private prayer life).

While the highlights reel of social media might give the idea that we're living out the first vision I had for our marriage, we far too often fall into the second picture.

Why, when my husband and I both highly value faith, community, beauty, and art, don't we always live like we want to?

The values that we share with our spouses are ultimately what propel us into marriage and fuel our desire to grow a family and a life together. But if we don’t couple those values with reflection and practical resolutions, they will never take root to ground our marriages. They will recede into the background as ideals we once hoped for and dream that perhaps someday we'll incorporate into our lives.

When I got married, I kept waiting for such things as our prayer life and our involvement in our community to spontaneously take off. Now after seven years of marriage, I know that if we don't set aside time to discuss what is important to us and make a plan to prioritize those things, we'll live a reactive life dictated by whatever is stressing us out and whatever is most convenient.

There are many ways both casual and more formal to have these discussions and make these kinds of resolutions. Here are some ideas for getting started:

Write a Family Mission Statement

A family mission statement is a description of who you are and what direction you want to go in. It doesn't have to be lengthy but if the effort is thoughtful, a family mission statement will be a constant reminder of those values you want informing your family life. 

Read more: Finding your Family's Mission

Create a Family Rule 

Creating a rule of life seems to have taken off in popularity lately, but the practice has its origins in early Christian monastic communities, and the clarity it brings makes it a worthwhile practice for all Christians. A family rule is more elaborate than a family mission statement as the first succinctly sums up your identity as a family, while the latter gets into the details of how you will live out your goals and values.

Read more: What Married Couples Can Learn from the Rhythms of Religious Communities

Read formational books

Check out books such as Patrick Lencioni's Three Big Questions for a Frantic Family and Steven Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families. These books give families the resources to stop living reactively and start living purposefully.

Whatever your family values include--good conversation, traveling, gardening, music, nature, athletics, board games--building a family culture around those values is only possible to the extent that we intentionally plan for it.

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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What's New in the Spoken Bride Community | September 2021 Update

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Ever wonder what songs other brides chose for their wedding Mass? Looking for ways to make your first home as newlyweds sacred and beautiful? Excited to share a photo once you’ve tried on your gown? Just need a place for encouragement and intercession from other Catholic brides?

We’ve got you.

The Spoken Bride Community is a feed-style app we created to be different from any other platform out there. No sponsorships, no ads, no cursory Likes. Just honest conversations about practically anything you can imagine related to engagement and married life, and spiritual and practical support that meets you where you are.

We’re ready to welcome you and can’t wait to see what fruits your voice and your story will bring to the Community!

Your first month is free, and after that, for the price of one specialty coffee a month, you’ll receive access to:

  • Daily discussion topics and dialogue with other new brides and Spoken Bride team members, along with direct message options 

  • Weekly and monthly prayer opportunities that align with the liturgical year

  • Monthly virtual events hosted by Catholic wedding vendors, counselors, and more, ready to share their expertise and address your questions face to face

  • Exclusive downloads and discounts from the Spoken Bride Shop

  • Sincere affirmation, insight, and connection that forges real bonds of sisterhood and celebrates your engagement and wedding milestones alongside you

We truly believe the Spoken Bride community embodies goodness, truth, beauty, and relationship, inviting you into our mission in a distinctive and personal way. 

Here’s what we’ve been discussing recently…

  • One of our Community members got married in the month of August and worked with Spoken Bride vendor, Mary Katherine. Congratulations, Lynn and John! 

  • We hosted a “Budgeting for Families” workshop where Andi Compton shared a valuable tool and resource her and her husband have been using for years - as well as insight as to what it takes to raise children in her area.

  • Holy places we have visited - Assisi, Siena, Athens, Lourdes - too many beautiful and sacred places to list!

  • How paying for college (or paying off college debt) can sometimes affect your engagement or marriage. 

  • The inevitable challenges that arise when planning a wedding… trying to please your guests, cultural differences, details, etc. 

...And here’s what’s coming up:

  • First Friday prayer meetings are moving to 9:00am EDT. Join us if you’re able! 

  • A discussion on how to get involved in your parish as engaged and married couples… where to start, how to stay involved, and how to determine your unique gifts and talents. 

  • Celebrating JPII: We will be reading a section of Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love to read and discuss together as a group on his feast day, October 22! 

You’re invited, and we hope you’ll join us.

To do so, download the Mighty Networks app to your phone, search for Spoken Bride, and follow the steps within the app to become a member. 

Setting Boundaries with Technology in the Bedroom

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HANNAH HOLLCRAFT

 

"Nothing is very strong: strong enough to steal away a man’s best years not in sweet sins but in a dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why… It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the nothing.” ––C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

We live in a culture in which noise and busyness constantly vie for our attention. The enemy not only tries to push us towards sin but wants to distract us from what is truly important. 

Modern man’s cell phone use might not seem like a big deal; however, if we are not intentional, time that we could spend fostering our marriages will be lost in this sea of busy nothing, simply staring into a screen. Setting the healthy and simple boundary of keeping cell phones out of your bedroom can help.

Not only does keeping your cell phone out of your room can help you get a better night’s sleep, but it will also benefit your marriage in more ways than one.

Your marriage bed is sacred; it is a place where you can connect with your spouse. Make yourselves present and attentive to one another by removing distractions, like screens, from your bed. Doing this will naturally foster emotional and physical intimacy that would otherwise be lost.

Our jobs, our extended family, and social media do not need us available 24/7. Our spouses, however, need us to make time for connection everyday. Sometimes we get busy with our daily tasks and the only intentional moments you have together are before you fall asleep at night or before the day begins. It’s important, especially when life seems busier than usual, to focus on your spouse’s needs and use the time you do have to the benefit of your marriage.

Related: Newlywed Challenge | 3 Simple Ways to Reduce Screens in Your New Marriage


Having our first or the last thoughts of the day dictated by social media or our inboxes isn’t good for us. 

While I enjoy ‘vegg-ing’ out on my phone in bed after a long day, I began to notice that I would inevitably find myself thinking about something I read online that bothered me or comparing myself to some unrealistic standard. Then I noticed a similar pattern in the morning; checking social media in the morning ultimately left me feeling overwhelmed and distracted before the day even began.

Using an actual alarm clock rather than having my phone on my nightstand can  help you break the habit of browsing social media and checking your inbox in bed. My husband and I have a charging station outside our bedroom where our phones typically stay overnight. (Bonus: Doing this with your spouse will also make implementing a similar rule for your future teenagers much easier and more natural. 

I’ve noticed that the space from my phone has not only been good for my marriage but it has also been good for my relationship with Christ.

While I don’t always practice this perfectly, I strive to start and end my day with some silence and prayer to root myself in Christ. Eliminating distractions when I first wake up has helped me to remember to tell Jesus that I love him every morning and offer him my day before my feet hit the floor. In the evenings I can reflect on my day and take time to pray with my spouse.

I have found this simple practice allows me to be more intentional with my spouse, to cultivate my relationship with Christ, and protect our marriage from the enemy’s distractions. I encourage you to try this out in your own marriage and see what fruits you find from keeping your phones out of your bed.

About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.

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His Will is Our Hiding Place: Marriage Wisdom in Corrie Ten Boom's Memoir

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

My husband and I celebrated seven years of marriage in May, and on my wedding day if you had asked me what our lives would look like seven years in, I would have predicted that we'd be a lot more settled and a lot more competent at marriage and parenting. 

By seven years, we'd definitely have things figured out.

I couldn't have anticipated just how exhausting the work of parenting small children is (let it be noted, I couldn't have anticipated the joys of it either). I couldn't have fathomed the world of invisible special needs we're now navigating for one of our children. I couldn't have foreseen all the career swerves we'd take and the consequential life-transition-whiplash we'd find ourselves in again and again. And I think I'd be surprised by just how far we've still got to go in learning how to love each other and our children well.

Sometimes it feels like we could have strategized our lives a little better.

I feel this particularly in regards to the winding career paths we've taken, but if I'm honest, on the hardest days at home with small kids, I've wondered if we should have waited a little longer to start a family or spaced our kids out a little more.

I found a lot of wisdom and solace in my own life in Corrie Ten Boom's memoir The Hiding Place, in which she describes her and her family's involvement in the Dutch resistance during WWII.

The title refers to the hidden room in their home where Corrie, her sister, and her father sheltered Jewish men and women from persecution. The title also refers to God's will. Corrie and her sister, Betsie were ultimately sent to a concentration camp where her sister died from illness. Corrie, herself, was released due to a clerical error. Had she stayed, she would have been killed with the other women in her age group a week later.

Corrie wonders at the timing of all this--that she is saved and her sister is spared a worse death than the one she endured. She writes,

"There are no “ifs” in God’s kingdom. I could hear [Betsie's] soft voice saying it. His timing is perfect. His will is our hiding place. Lord Jesus, keep me in Your will! Don’t let me go mad by poking about outside it."

At another point Corrie reflects on how startling it is that these world events came crashing in on their quiet lives and required them to choose between living in safety or to protect innocent life. She doesn't see the two disparate circumstances as unconnected: "this is what the past is for! Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for a future that only He can see."

Corrie's words and witness brings me comfort in my marriage. Her prayers have become my prayers. Even in a life free of the kind of dangers that Corrie and family faced, we still must make choices and live with those choices without wondering about the what ifs.

Standing here seven years in, I can't know what our future holds no matter how much expert strategizing we do for it, but I do know that if we have discerned well, then Corrie's words are true: "that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do."

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

INSTAGRAM | BUSINESS

What's New this Month in the Spoken Bride Community

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Ever wonder what songs other brides chose for their wedding Mass? Looking for ways to make your first home as newlyweds sacred and beautiful? Excited to share a photo once you’ve tried on your gown? Just need a place for encouragement and intercession from other Catholic brides?

PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

We’ve got you.

The Spoken Bride Community is a feed-style app we created to be different from any other platform out there. No sponsorships, no ads, no cursory Likes. Just honest conversations about practically anything you can imagine related to engagement and married life, and spiritual and practical support that meets you where you are.

We’re ready to welcome you and can’t wait to see what fruits your voice and your story will bring to the Community!

Your first month is free, and after that, for the price of one specialty coffee a month, you’ll receive access to:

  • Daily discussion topics and dialogue with other new brides and Spoken Bride team members, along with direct message options 

  • Weekly and monthly prayer opportunities that align with the liturgical year

  • Monthly virtual events hosted by Catholic wedding vendors, counselors, and more, ready to share their expertise and address your questions face to face

  • Exclusive downloads and discounts from the Spoken Bride Shop

  • Sincere affirmation, insight, and connection that forges real bonds of sisterhood and celebrates your engagement and wedding milestones alongside you

We truly believe the Spoken Bride community embodies goodness, truth, beauty, and relationship, inviting you into our mission in a distinctive and personal way. 

Here’s what we’ve been discussing recently…

  • Resources for your fiancé (or anyone you might know) who is journeying through RCIA

  • Balancing family, work, school and social life as your spouse begins a new chapter as graduate students

  • Finding real and authentic romance in movies and books – what’s your favorite love story?!

  • Celebrating new life on the way, as well as the hardships that can come with pregnancy 

  • Supporting small Catholic businesses while creating a warm and hospitable environment in your home.

...And here’s what’s coming up:

  • How to create a budget for families – and stick with it! 

  • A discussion on how to get involved in your parish as engaged and married couples… where to start, how to stay involved, and how to determine your unique gifts and talents. 

You’re invited, and we hope you’ll join us.

To do so, download the Mighty Networks app to your phone, search for Spoken Bride, and follow the steps within the app to become a member. 

Living Courageously in Your Marriage

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CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

"'Have courage' we often say to one another. Courage is a spiritual virtue. The word courage comes from the Latin word cor, which means "heart." A courageous act is an act coming from the heart." - Henri Nouwen

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

Those few sentences, nestled quietly within a reflection I recently found, felt monumental to read. They have entirely upended what I thought I knew about being courageous. They made it obvious to me with such clarity and swiftness that courage has a lot more to do with authenticity and perhaps much less to do with interior resolve than I had previously taken it to. This new consideration of the nature of courage has been both freeing and challenging, especially in what it means for marriage.

Marriage demands a lot of courage.

I would have told you that long before Henri Nouwen's words unveiled what that meant in such a radically new way for me. Before, I mostly understood courage to look a lot like strength. An image of myself ready to brace up against whatever was to come against me, with the resolve to hold my shield at attention for as long as it took to weather it. That was courage.

But here, Henri seemed to be describing exactly the opposite. An image of myself in a posture of much greater risk. Hands open, vulnerable, heart exposed and leading the way. Nothing to hide and no focus on self-protection. That's a much different way of imagining what this spiritual and moral virtue looks like lived out. But I think it's a more honest one. 

Marriage does demand courage, but it's because any good marriage demands really living from the heart.

It is important to be understand our 'heart' in this context as more than just the place of our emotions. Henri speaks of it as the center of who we are at the core of our being. "The center of all thoughts, feelings, passions, and decisions."

For a marriage to be rich in this virtue, what really matters is honesty. There is no place for a lack of authenticity in what is meant to be the most intimate of our relationships. 

If I dare to hope for my marriage to be truly courageous in the way that Henri describes, I need to be willing to bring my whole self to my spouse. I must dare to be fully seen for who I am. 

Practically, I must bring honesty and openness to our conversations. I must work to share my thoughts, feelings, and passions, and work to make decisions together in light of them all. I can't try to self-protect and shield myself to avoid the risk of being misunderstood or feeling rejected by my spouse.

That false image of strength can never serve me here. And it couldn't be further from the kind of humility and trust required in these moments. 

It can be easy to communicate well when our thoughts, feelings, and passions feel aligned with our spouses'. But courage asks for such honesty at all times, even when it's most difficult.

And doing just that is how we gain the very virtue we are longing for. In the language of faith, different kinds of virtues are described and understood in different ways. Moral Virtues, of which courage (sometimes called fortitude) is one, differ from Theological Virtues chiefly in the manner through which they can grow within us. The Moral Virtues are “acquired by education, by deliberate acts and by a perseverance ever-renewed in repeated efforts" and of course, aided by God's grace.”

This means that it is in those sacred and vulnerable places, during all those repeated efforts we make together to live from the heart, that we will grow and the fruit of this virtue will become clear. We will have a greater ability to "conquer fear, even fear of death, and to face trials and persecutions." Our acts of authentic courage within marriage can gift us greater confidence in the face of all things. This is certainly what God wants for us.

I used to think that courage looked a lot like being willing to fight - to defend and protect and shield. And I suppose there is some truth in that. But in marriage that work becomes shared, and so it changes shape entirely. The only way to defend and protect the relationship is through honesty and vulnerability with each other.

And so the challenge becomes - will I act from the heart? Will I dare to live my marriage courageously?

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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What's New in Our Community Platform

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Ever wonder what songs other brides chose for their wedding Mass? Looking for ways to make your first home as newlyweds sacred and beautiful? Excited to share a photo once you’ve tried on your gown? Just need a place for encouragement and intercession from other Catholic brides?

We’ve got you.

The Spoken Bride Community is a feed-style app we created to be different from any other platform out there. No sponsorships, no ads, no cursory Likes. Just honest conversations about practically anything you can imagine related to engagement and married life, and spiritual and practical support that meets you where you are.

We’re ready to welcome you and can’t wait to see what fruits your voice and your story will bring to the Community!

Your first month is free, and after that, for the price of one specialty coffee a month, you’ll receive access to:

  • Daily discussion topics and dialogue with other new brides and Spoken Bride team members, along with direct message options 

  • Weekly and monthly prayer opportunities that align with the liturgical year

  • Monthly virtual events hosted by Catholic wedding vendors, counselors, and more, ready to share their expertise and address your questions face to face

  • Exclusive downloads and discounts from the Spoken Bride Shop

  • Sincere affirmation, insight, and connection that forges real bonds of sisterhood and celebrates your engagement and wedding milestones alongside you

We truly believe the Spoken Bride community embodies goodness, truth, beauty, and relationship, inviting you into our mission in a distinctive and personal way. 

Here’s what we’ve been discussing recently…

  • Study and podcast recommendations on the women of the Scriptures

  • Ideas for celebrating mini anniversaries and milestones, and how “rituals of connection” strengthen your relationship the more frequently they’re recognized

  • The fun challenge, and symbolism, of making a gallery wall with zero personal photos

  • An incredible lay ministry for married couples to find community and growth with other Catholic couples in their season of life

...And here’s what’s coming up:

  • A panel discussion on choosing an NFP method, featuring a Creighton Practitioner, Couple to Couple League Instructor, and a Marquette Method Instructor

  • Expert advice on constructing a family budget, featuring Spoken Bride Business Director Andi Compton

You’re invited, and we hope you’ll join us.

To do so, download the Mighty Networks app to your phone, search for Spoken Bride, and follow the steps within the app to become a member. 

Moving Towards Oneness

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ADELAE ZAMBON

 

The journey of engagement is truly the final stretch of preparation for being made one with another. 

When so much of our early life is spent individuating and gaining autonomy by virtue of normal human development, there is a beautiful, generous, sacrificial shift that occurs as a matured adult chooses to unite herself with another. How do we understand the magnitude of this? 

I know that in my own season of engagement, I spent a great deal of time pondering this mystery: this impending transition to a state of “oneness” with another sacramentally and practically.

I recall wondering about how such a “one-fleshness” comes about in marriage. It is something so distinctly supernatural,yet, there is such a true convergence of two lives that occurs in an earthly manner as well. 

You merge households and bank accounts; you share a bed, debts, children, and responsibilities. You also unite your pathway to the Heavenly Banquet too at the feast of your own wedding. At the same time, I couldn’t ignore, the quite obvious facets of our separate natures that made this concept hard to gather: he was male and I was very much not; he was Canadian, whereas I was American; he was phlegmatic, while I took choleric to a new level; and the list could go on. In the physical sense, we were quite separate beings.

The visceral aspect of “being one” in the marital act was self-evident to me. Still, full comprehension of the spiritual significance was elusive. That is, until I read the words of St. John the Baptist in a marital lens:

He must increase; I must decrease. 

These words both stuck and challenged me. They illuminated a beautiful truth, not only about the reality of “being made one” in marriage, but a reality that parallels the communion we are called to with the Lord.

In this passage, St. John refers to Christ when he says, “He.” Since Christ is Love Himself, we could replace “He” with “love” here; Love must increase; I must decrease. 

There is a certain truth to letting love consume us so much that our ego, our “I,” diminishes to make way for the work of the Lord. In St. John’s case, he chose to humble himself to the great plan of rescue and restoration that Christ had come to fulfill. Jesus wants to do that in our marriages today. He wants to increase as we decrease. 

Marriage invites us to humble ourselves so that the spirit of division, of separateness, can melt away. Herein lies the greater plan for the union of spouses: that the oneness of a couple, fortified by the grace of the Sacrament, may be made one with God in all things. Not only are they unified with each other, they fulfill the design for marriage bringing about their union with God.

As I’ve continued to journey more and more deeply into this understanding in my own marriage, I have found prayer to be essential. It helps us conform to the godly design for our union in the living marital sacrament.

To encourage us on this path, I want to leave you with three prayers that are transforming my heart (in real time) in the hopes that they might bless you as they have me:

About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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