Does Marriage Prep End With Marriage?
/EMILY LOGIN
This may sound like a funny question as it seems the answer should be self evident. Marriage preparation = preparing for marriage.
However, is marriage just an event that takes place on one day? Or is it a lifetime of love and learning, a commitment, a bond that lasts “til’ death do us part?”
PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE PHOTOGRAPHY
If we all agree that marriage is the latter, then we also must recognize that we must always work on preparing, learning, and growing within our marriage. Making a lifelong commitment takes hard work.
Before getting married, a lot of people discuss major topics together as a couple such as children, family history, occupations, and where to live. Most couples try to cover these crucial conversations during engagement, usually as part of Pre-Cana classes and interviews with the minister witnessing the wedding.
But do we ever think of the important topics to (continue to) discuss as a couple even after the wedding day? If we believe that marriage is for life, then we should never stop preparing and learning about each other.
Below you will find some important topics to discuss with your spouse to strengthen your marriage for the long-haul:
Money
Before marriage, couples often talk about combining finances, creating a budget, paying off debt, saving for a house and other long-term financial goals.
However, do we realize the major impact that money can have on a couple? One study cited that 40% of divorces occur because of financial troubles.
One of the biggest mistakes, in my opinion, that a couple can make with money is hiding purchases from each other.
Even hiding small purchases sets you up on a slippery slope. If someone gets comfortable hiding small things, it becomes easier to hide big things as well. “What I tell you in the darkness, tell in the light.”
Read more tips for healthy money habits for married couples in our archive: 4 Financially Smart Tips for Newlyweds | How to Avoid Fights about Money | 3 Money-Management Practices That Can Strengthen Your Relationship
Schedules
After the honeymoon, you’ll begin to settle down into your new normal as husband and wife and life continues on. Each spouse gets busy with work and play and schedules can fill up quickly. Learning to communicate and balance your shared life together can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and arguments.
How many times in passing, do you ask or remind your busy partner about a specific activity, and he, naturally forgets because he was focused on another task at the time? Then, later when you learn he has forgotten, you get angry. The problem doesn’t lie in his forgetfulness, rather in the lack of communication between you two.
The remedy? A weekly meeting as a couple. This meeting need not take more than 10 minutes, but setting aside a few minutes at the start of each week to regroup and intentionally prepare for the week ahead can help the whole family thrive.
Read more about communicating schedules with these posts from our archive: The Deep Roots of Marital Communication--And Why They Matter | Checking in with Honors | What are the Non-Negotiables in Your Relationship
Education
At some point in marriage, couples may find themselves faced with making decisions about continuing education classes for a job or for a specific degree. While often only a temporary change, we often underestimate the sacrifice these classes take for the entire family, especially if the spouse is taking classes while still working.
This extra time strain often puts more of the burden of household management, chores and children on the spouse not taking classes. And if not communicated about can become a major source of bitterness and resentment.
During this time, I find it helpful for the studying spouse to take on one chore or family duty, no matter how small. Having something consistent that the studying spouse commits to daily, ensures that they feel like a contributing member of the home, while also easing the household duties. This also helps the non-studying spouse to feel cared for and supported by their partner.
Read more about balancing marriage and higher education with these blog posts : Four Tips for Grad School Couples | Exercising Discernment Through Seasons of Life
Electronics
This may seem like a silly or insignificant topic, but in this day and age, we need to recognize how much time technology can consume, and how to be in control of it so it doesn’t add a strain to our marriages.
Discuss together as a team whether or not you want technology in your bedroom. Do you allow phones at the dinner table? Is there a specific time of day or length of time you as a couple set for correspondence, phone games or social media? Where do you want to put a television in your home? Do you even want a television in your home?
Too often, we find ourselves more focused on our screens than the people we love in front of us. If we experience pent up feelings of loneliness or of being ignored that we do not share, those feelings can explode with potential devastating effects.
Read more about setting healthy boundaries with technology in your home: Setting Boundaries with Technology in the Bedroom | 3 Simple Ways to Reduce Screens in Your New Marriage
These four examples show how often topics come up and evolve with each spouse in marriage.
Being intentional ahead of time can save us from added resentment and frustration, of which the devil loves to try and seed in a good and holy marriage to try and break it up.
Keep fighting and never stop preparing for marriage!
About the Author: Emily Login is a wife and mother of one living in Maryland. She is a special education teacher at a Catholic school and runs a small online used bookstore called Lazarus Catholic Books.