Make Time for What Matters | Tips for Setting Priorities as a Family

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

Here's what I expected marriage to look like: a home full of beauty and order, a daily shared prayer life, involvement in ministries at our parish, evenings spent reading great literature together, and setting deep roots in our local community of family and friends.

Here's what I did not expect: evenings spent consuming tv shows, weeks or months sometimes between seeing friends, parish hopping on Sundays because we're running late...again, a home full of clutter and chaos, a an inconsistent shared prayer life (and, truth be told, an inconsistent private prayer life).

While the highlights reel of social media might give the idea that we're living out the first vision I had for our marriage, we far too often fall into the second picture.

Why, when my husband and I both highly value faith, community, beauty, and art, don't we always live like we want to?

The values that we share with our spouses are ultimately what propel us into marriage and fuel our desire to grow a family and a life together. But if we don’t couple those values with reflection and practical resolutions, they will never take root to ground our marriages. They will recede into the background as ideals we once hoped for and dream that perhaps someday we'll incorporate into our lives.

When I got married, I kept waiting for such things as our prayer life and our involvement in our community to spontaneously take off. Now after seven years of marriage, I know that if we don't set aside time to discuss what is important to us and make a plan to prioritize those things, we'll live a reactive life dictated by whatever is stressing us out and whatever is most convenient.

There are many ways both casual and more formal to have these discussions and make these kinds of resolutions. Here are some ideas for getting started:

Write a Family Mission Statement

A family mission statement is a description of who you are and what direction you want to go in. It doesn't have to be lengthy but if the effort is thoughtful, a family mission statement will be a constant reminder of those values you want informing your family life. 

Read more: Finding your Family's Mission

Create a Family Rule 

Creating a rule of life seems to have taken off in popularity lately, but the practice has its origins in early Christian monastic communities, and the clarity it brings makes it a worthwhile practice for all Christians. A family rule is more elaborate than a family mission statement as the first succinctly sums up your identity as a family, while the latter gets into the details of how you will live out your goals and values.

Read more: What Married Couples Can Learn from the Rhythms of Religious Communities

Read formational books

Check out books such as Patrick Lencioni's Three Big Questions for a Frantic Family and Steven Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families. These books give families the resources to stop living reactively and start living purposefully.

Whatever your family values include--good conversation, traveling, gardening, music, nature, athletics, board games--building a family culture around those values is only possible to the extent that we intentionally plan for it.

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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Pray Together with a Family Litany of Saints

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GENEVIEVE ALLEN

 

On your wedding day, you and your spouse become a new family. Family prayer will be important to your marriage, whether you are praying night prayer together as newlyweds or saying grace at Thanksgiving, surrounded by your grandchildren. One way to start a new tradition of prayer with your fiancé or spouse is to begin a family litany of the saints.

This can be a practice which remains with you throughout your marriage.

Start with Favorites

Who’s your favorite saint? Many Catholics have a favorite saint or two (or twenty). If you don’t have a saint BFF yet or you feel like you could use some more (and who could not?) hit up the library with your fiancé or spouse to find some books on the lives of the saints. Then take your books and a picnic to a park. Read some of the inspirational and sometimes outrageous stories to each other to find some new favorites.

Confirmation Saints

Revisiting the namesake from your confirmation can be a powerful way to know a holy person. These saints often, but not always, fall into the “favorites” category. If you don’t know your confirmation saint as well as you’d like, do some research and rest easy knowing that your saint has been interceding for you anyway.

What’s in a Name

What’s your name? What’s your spouse’s name? If it’s not a saint’s name, is it a derivative of one? Most names can be connected to a saintly counterpart, even if it’s just through meaning. If you have children, what are their names? If you don’t have children yet but have some ideas of what names you like, add those saints to your litany as a reminder to pray for your future children.

Careers and Interests

There’s a patron saint for nearly every career and for many different hobbies and interests. If you experience stress in your career, it’s worthwhile to put these patrons on your list. Even if you don’t plan to add these saints to your litany, it can be fun to know who they are.

Remember Souls Who Have Died

If a close family or friend has passed away, consider adding the saint who most reminds you of that person to your list. This is a wonderful way to remember to pray for souls.

Choose a Mary

Our Lady has so many beautiful titles. Do you or your spouse have a special devotion to one of them? Mary, our Blessed Mother, should have a place on every litany.

Once you have created your litany, ask for the intercession of your saints whenever you pray as a family. Tack it to the end of spontaneous or traditional prayers and soon it will become a lovely habit. Be flexible with your litany; there may be saints who stay on your litany for the duration of your marriage and those who will be there just for a season. Consider dedicating a small chalkboard or white board in your home to your litany of the saints. Alternatively, you could use this board as a way to feature one saint at a time, perhaps around feast days.

About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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