Holy Marriage Blesses the World

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GENEVIEVE ALLEN

 

Most Catholics probably understand on some level that the vocation of marriage benefits the world; it provides structure to our societies and produces children. We also know that marriage can model the love of God and lead us and others to holiness. 

But what do those words actually mean? How can our marriages actually accomplish this work in reality?

My first small glimpse of how my vocation to marriage affects the rest of the world occurred on my honeymoon. 

The day after our wedding, Dalton and I took a road trip to Orlando, where we would stay the night before embarking on our cruise the next day. After over a year of planning, we embraced a rare moment of spontaneity and decided to book our hotel in Orlando while we were on our way there. 

We found a reasonably-priced hotel near lots of shops and restaurants while we talked about the future and sang along to our honeymoon playlist during the ten-hour drive. It was utter bliss, absolutely how a honeymoon road trip should be.

But things took a turn for the strange when we finally pulled up to the hotel. 

Three fire trucks and an ambulance were parked outside. Dalton dropped me off at the front entrance, and I went inside to wait in the long check-in line.

But it wasn’t a check-in line. It was a line of disgruntled guests who were requesting room changes due to a strong odor of smoke from a fire in the hotel earlier that afternoon. 

Eavesdropping over the hotel soundtrack, I learned that no one was injured, but a lot of people were looking to be moved to the other side of the hotel. I wondered if we should just leave and try another place to stay. I was still wondering when it suddenly was my turn in line.

This is embarrassing to admit as an adult woman, but I still get uncomfortable sometimes when speaking with strangers, especially when I have to ask for something that I want. 

In this case, I awkwardly stated that I was checking into the hotel oh and by the way would it maybe be possible to not have a smoky room because it was my honeymoon?

The guy behind the counter looked visibly deflated. His shoulders sank, and he rubbed his eyes. It had clearly been a day. “I’ll see what I can do,” he said in a somber tone.

I felt terrible for asking. I thought again about changing our reservation. 

My thoughts turned to Dalton, waiting for me in the car. We’d have fun wherever we went.

I smiled, thinking about putting our playlist back on and driving around looking for another place to stay. Suddenly, I laughed out loud as I realized that the hotel loudspeaker was quietly playing “We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel.

“Are y’all playing this on purpose?” I asked, still laughing.

The clerk looked at me blankly, and then suddenly he heard it too. We both laughed and had a moment where I could sense that we were seeing each other as humans for the first time, instead of just an awkward interaction.

“You know what? Let me do something,” he said, and he smiled as he typed on his keyboard.

He put us in a suite, far away from the smoke, and gave us vouchers for free breakfast the next day. We were both still smiling as I walked back to the car.

Such a simple moment, and yet I’ll never forget it. I was happy, overflowing with love from our wedding day and looking forward to the days to come. 

This joy had put everything in perspective for me, and it had been easy to laugh in the face of stress. 

My joy then touched this stranger, who looked like he had laughed for the first time all day.

Of course, not every day is day one of a honeymoon. It’s easy to spread happiness and peace when you are at peace yourself. 

Some days, it can be difficult to summon the energy for our daily obligations, much less a joyful attitude about getting things done. Still, the effort we put into sustaining joy in our marriages does not just benefit us. 

Fill up your husband’s coffee mug and send him to work with an extra-long hug. Send him a song that makes you think of him. Tell him that he makes you proud, thank him for doing something he’s always done. 

Surprise him, sing with him, love him.

You never know who else will benefit from the joy you share.

About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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Using NFP Won't Just Affect You

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GENEVIEVE ALLEN

 

Most married couples who use Natural Family Planning will tell you that it can be difficult. For some, this is an understatement. 

However, we know that NFP can improve marriages by allowing couples to grow together in the holiness that comes with sacrifice.

When you make the choice to use NFP in your marriage, it often feels like a decision that will impact you and your spouse- and only you and your spouse. 

While it is true that natural family planning is an intimate act of intentional submission to the will of God for your family, the effects of this submission can affect not only your family, but the world.

The obvious evidence of this is, of course, children. Accepting children is the “supreme gift” of marriage, and the creation of new souls should not be taken lightly. 

Spouses should discern the planning of this gift through an open and ongoing conversation with God, but ultimately, NFP is about more than just the nuclear or even the extended family.

Consider the conversations that many of us have had with coworkers or friends who are not Catholic. When the subject of family planning arises, how do we respond? Certainly, it is our right to decline to talk about intimate topics which might make us uncomfortable. 

However, if you feel called to speak, think about what a witness you might be if you talk about NFP in an honest and loving way. 

So many women are now looking for more natural alternatives to the pill and other forms of contraception- maybe you could be the first person who has ever mentioned a healthier alternative. In a world where you can buy “natural” ketchup, these alternatives should be appealing to many.

Don’t be afraid to be honest- if you tried several methods and found one that works best for you, say that! That is a common experience for most women, regardless of whether they use NFP or not. 

Since many people still associate NFP with the rhythm method, speaking about the advances in our understanding of reproductive health can help to spread the word about this option for all women.

Another context in which you might be able to educate others about NFP is when you speak with your doctor or midwife. 

Many care providers are extensively trained in the different options available for contraception, and it’s part of their job to be able to provide evidence-based information to patients. However, those of us who use NFP often find that there is a knowledge deficit surrounding the use of fertility-awareness methods. 

This is a huge problem for all women, not just for Catholics. NaPro Technology has been useful for many couples who struggle with fertility issues but who wish to treat the cause, not just the symptoms.

Imagine if all providers were aware of this technology and knew how to refer their patients. Imagine if they learned it themselves! There would be better access to this care for all women. Don’t be afraid to ask questions of your doctors and nurses and to provide information to them as needed.

If you actively use but hate NFP, I’m still talking to you. You don’t have to keep silent, and in fact, you shouldn’t. 


Hearing about some of the difficulties that come along with using natural methods can help other married couples to not feel alone in their struggles. In particular, if there is an aspect of NFP that you struggle with that is related to confusion about a specific method or frustration regarding fertility options, speak up! This can call attention to areas that need further research or support. 

Speaking with your priest, bishop or others in your diocese who encounter families using NFP can also demonstrate that more resources are needed.

Discussing methods of natural family planning and fertility awareness is so important, not only in your own marriage, but for our society. So much of what we see in the media, hear at work, and even have internalized in ourselves is not consistent with what Catholics believe about sex, marriage, and family. 

Talk about NFP with your friends, married or single. Talk about it with your family, your coworkers, and your doctors. Talk about when you begin to date someone seriously. Keep talking about it with your spouse. 

Our conversations can create real change in our world.

About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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Reflecting on Our Engaged Encounter Weekend, Five Years Later

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GENEVIEVE ALLEN

 

Recently, on a sunny pandemic afternoon, my husband Dalton and I pulled out our old workbooks from our Engaged Encounter weekend and read them in our backyard while our kids played outside. Five years before, we had written in these books, completely unaware of what marriage would actually look like in practice. It was sweet and sobering--and often hilarious--to read our responses to the prompts, as young and inexperienced as we were. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: FENIX PDE

PHOTOGRAPHY: FENIX PDE

To give you some context, our Engaged Encounter weekend took place over three days at a retreat house in Baton Rouge. There were cafeteria lunches, camp beds, and awkward conversations with fellow engaged couples. Three married couples and a priest presided over the activities. Most of the day was structured to be similar to a classroom-style setting, with our instructors telling us personal stories about different topics, such as budgeting, newlywed life, NFP and child-rearing. We would then have “breakout sessions” with our future spouses, in which we would discuss these topics on a personal level.

As you might imagine, the whole weekend was really designed to offer as much as we as a couple were willing to put into it. Dalton and I were earnest, writing extensively in our workbooks and often having conversations that produced tears--usually happy, occasionally frustrated or anxious.

I recommend this pre-cana weekend to anyone who is willing to really commit to using it as a tool to improve communication and trust prior to marriage. After reading through our workbooks again, some seemingly contradictory truths stuck out boldly to me:

You will change.

One thing that stood out to me is how young we seemed in our communication. The idealism oozed out of the pages as we confidently wrote about all of the things we expected marriage to be. There’s also no evidence in our past voices of the deep intimacy that comes with time. My responses were casual and flippant, often glossing over some of the real issues we finally came to discuss only after we were married. 

The kids who filled out those pages were mere outlines of the adults we are today. Who knows how we will change in the next 5, 10, 50 years from now? 

You won’t change.

Despite some of the superficial responses we gave back then, the raw material of our souls is written on those pages. There was a section to fill out about what we perceived to be our biggest flaws, and I was sorry to see, five years later, that mine remain the same.

There was also a section about what gifts we would bring to the marriage. Happily, Dalton and I have both developed a lot of these gifts, far beyond what we might have expected when we first discussed what they were. Dalton’s patience, for example, is seemingly boundless and somehow only increasing as we add more children to our family.

You get to decide.

One of the most fun aspects of the weekend is the time you spend discussing what your future family will look like. How will you celebrate holidays, develop traditions, raise children?

Dalton and I come from wonderful families, but there were a few things we decided we would like to do differently in our own. Like the founding fathers writing out our own Declaration of Independence, the joy and excitement of creating something new leaps off the pages of our workbooks. For example, we decided that we would prioritize family dinner time. We added a clause about occasionally calling an audible for a rare “treat night” where we would order takeout and watch a movie during dinner. We have consistently kept this law and this amendment to this day.

You won’t get to decide.

Our workbooks covered many of the important topics that a couple should discuss before marriage, but there are certain lessons that come only with time and experience. There are some things you won’t get to choose. 

Prior to our marriage, we had never discussed in any meaningful detail some of the most difficult parts of life, including our deepest fears and anxieties. In the five short years we have been married, we have encountered some of these together. When we said our vows at our wedding, the “worse” of “for better or for worse”--sickness, poverty, death--were all theoretical. Although we have no idea what is still to come in our lives and marriage, we still trust in the mercy and love of God--just like the naïve kids we used to be. 

About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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Nontraditional Traditions for a One-of-a-Kind Wedding Reception

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GENEVIEVE ALLEN

 

As a Catholic, I love tradition. I knew that when planning our wedding, particularly our wedding Mass, I would incorporate many of the traditions to embody the classic “tale as old as time” feel. When it comes time for the reception, however, there is more room for nontraditional, quirky moments to really make the day special. 

There are essential traditions in a Catholic wedding, which orient us toward heaven and unite us with God, and nonessential traditions. There is no Canon Law which states you must have a tiered wedding cake! Considering closely the reason behind common wedding customs and choosing traditions you love will ultimately relieve you of stress, delight your guests, and make the day uniquely yours.

If you find yourself wanting a mixture of traditional and distinctive, here are five ways to think creatively about incorporating unique traditions into your wedding reception:

Ask “Why?”

Who says that you have to have a formal cake cutting? If you’ve always imagined feeding your new husband cake in front of all of your guests, go for it! If you are uninterested or uncomfortable about something that’s “always done,” skip it. Lots of modern brides forgo a garter toss, for example. One of my favorite couples decided that they would rather dance all night instead of listening to speeches or having a bouquet toss. Nobody cared that there was no receiving line, and the band played on.

Opposites Attract 

A huge source of wedding-planning stress may come from the influence of other weddings you have attended and a perceived expectation. You may find creative inspiration by pursuing the opposite of the norm. If you have only attended a sit-down dinner in the evening, consider a wedding breakfast buffet. It will make a nice change for your guests, it will likely be cheaper, and who doesn’t love bacon?

Offbeat Location 

Our wedding reception took place in a bowling alley with a huge bar and a dance floor. The relaxed atmosphere made for a great party. Check out botanical gardens, aquariums, libraries, or backyards.

Personalization 

In much of the South, it’s customary to have a “groom’s cake,” which is often a different flavor from the primary wedding cake--and it is decorated to look like something the groom loves. Lots of couples have taken this concept and made it personal. We had donuts, for example, and my sister had a traditional New Orleans’ king cake. One of my favorite iterations of this was a selection of cookies decorated to look like the groom.

DIY Traditions 

Many wedding-specific accessories which are curated by an expert are convenient, yet expensive. I always thought wedding flowers had to be prepared by florists until I was a bridesmaid in friend’s wedding; the morning of her wedding, she and her bridesmaids created all of the floral arrangements--the church decor, the boutonnieres, the reception centerpieces, etc. Laughing and drinking mimosas with the bride as I made my own bouquet was one of the best times I’ve ever had as a bridesmaid, and the flowers were beautiful.

About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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Pray Together with a Family Litany of Saints

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GENEVIEVE ALLEN

 

On your wedding day, you and your spouse become a new family. Family prayer will be important to your marriage, whether you are praying night prayer together as newlyweds or saying grace at Thanksgiving, surrounded by your grandchildren. One way to start a new tradition of prayer with your fiancé or spouse is to begin a family litany of the saints.

This can be a practice which remains with you throughout your marriage.

Start with Favorites

Who’s your favorite saint? Many Catholics have a favorite saint or two (or twenty). If you don’t have a saint BFF yet or you feel like you could use some more (and who could not?) hit up the library with your fiancé or spouse to find some books on the lives of the saints. Then take your books and a picnic to a park. Read some of the inspirational and sometimes outrageous stories to each other to find some new favorites.

Confirmation Saints

Revisiting the namesake from your confirmation can be a powerful way to know a holy person. These saints often, but not always, fall into the “favorites” category. If you don’t know your confirmation saint as well as you’d like, do some research and rest easy knowing that your saint has been interceding for you anyway.

What’s in a Name

What’s your name? What’s your spouse’s name? If it’s not a saint’s name, is it a derivative of one? Most names can be connected to a saintly counterpart, even if it’s just through meaning. If you have children, what are their names? If you don’t have children yet but have some ideas of what names you like, add those saints to your litany as a reminder to pray for your future children.

Careers and Interests

There’s a patron saint for nearly every career and for many different hobbies and interests. If you experience stress in your career, it’s worthwhile to put these patrons on your list. Even if you don’t plan to add these saints to your litany, it can be fun to know who they are.

Remember Souls Who Have Died

If a close family or friend has passed away, consider adding the saint who most reminds you of that person to your list. This is a wonderful way to remember to pray for souls.

Choose a Mary

Our Lady has so many beautiful titles. Do you or your spouse have a special devotion to one of them? Mary, our Blessed Mother, should have a place on every litany.

Once you have created your litany, ask for the intercession of your saints whenever you pray as a family. Tack it to the end of spontaneous or traditional prayers and soon it will become a lovely habit. Be flexible with your litany; there may be saints who stay on your litany for the duration of your marriage and those who will be there just for a season. Consider dedicating a small chalkboard or white board in your home to your litany of the saints. Alternatively, you could use this board as a way to feature one saint at a time, perhaps around feast days.

About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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The Dating Advice I Would Give My Younger Self

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GENEVIEVE ALLEN

 

The man who was my last first date is not my husband.

But he was my type. Perfectly so. He was tall, dark, and handsome. He was college-educated, pursuing a career in a creative field, well-traveled, and a few years older than me. For our date, he took me to a fairy-lit garden full of live music, wine, and delicious food. He was wearing a light blue Oxford shirt, dark jeans, and a confident expression as we got to know each other over the mid-range red he selected for us.

On paper, this was the most perfect first date I’d ever had. This guy was Dream Date. So how did I end up married to someone else?

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

From the age of fifteen, I was almost always in a serious relationship. I dated a few people for long stretches at a time, even if I knew marriage would not likely be the end result. Throughout my decade of serial dating, I considered consulting books about dating with a spiritual perspective; I never read them. Finally, at the age of twenty-five, I decided to consult Jesus.

Weary, like the woman at the well who had had seven husbands but still felt alone, I approached Jesus and asked him to show me what I was doing wrong, and what I needed to do in the future. I saw the array of men I had dated and the attachments I had so easily formed, many of them still intact and causing me pain. Very clearly, I knew I needed to give my dating history over to God and carefully, prayerfully consider how to date going forward.

There was so much peace in my heart as I decided to date intentionally. I would never go on a second date if I couldn’t imagine marrying the person. I wouldn’t fearfully avoid any topics that were important to me: faith, marriage, and kids, for example. 

When I met my husband Dalton, I told him all of this upfront. On our first date at a greasy-spoon diner, I informed him that I would be dating other people, and why. He understood, which surprised me. I continued to see Dalton as I went on other dates. Sometimes I went on one date with a person, sometimes a second or third, but I made no commitments. 

At a Mardi Gras parade about a month later, I met Dream Date. In the parking lot after the date was over, he asked me on a second date. I surprised myself by gently saying no. In spite of the perfection of our date, several things had become clear to me over the previous months and on this date in particular.

Here is some advice I wish I could have given myself before I began dating: 

Age and maturity are related, but they are not the same.

One thing that surprised me about Dalton, my husband, is that although he is five years younger than me, he never seemed immature. In fact, if I tried to guess his age, I would have assumed he was at least as old as me. This was largely due to his quiet confidence and his sense of conviction about what he believed. Dream Date, on the other hand, wasn’t sure what he believed about anything, and he didn’t seem especially interested in figuring it out.

One person for whom age and maturity were related, at least in relationships, was me. It took me ten years and lots of heartbreak to learn how I needed to approach dating. In some aspects of your life, experience will be your best teacher.

You may need to discern. You should never need to wonder.

I wish I had known this. I wish every woman knew this and believed it. 

While dating, you may ask yourself many questions regarding whether you should begin or continue to pursue a relationship. The one question you should NEVER need to ask yourself, at least after a first date, is whether a guy likes you. If he is in any way worth your time, you will know. Even Dream Date, although he wasn’t right for me, was clear in his intentions about this.

Be clear about what you need and what you want in a marriage, and be willing to acknowledge the difference.

It’s crucial to know what you must have in a spouse and what is simply not important. It’s also crucial to know that you may be confused about this. Here’s a tip to help you clarify:

When considering qualities you would like to have in a future husband, make two lists:

The first list should be things you would like to see in him on a first date. Be honest and detailed in your requests. Does he have dark hair and kind eyes? Is he confident as he orders? Does he tell (modestly, and only when you ask) about the fact that he graduated summa cum laude with a Ph.D in 19th century British literature?

The second list should be things you would like to see in him at three in the morning on a night when one of your children is sick. Or when one of you has lost a job. Or when one of your parents has just died. Be honest and detailed in your requests. Is he patient and kind? Does he shoulder his portion of the responsibility? Is he willing to shoulder all of the responsibility if necessary? Can you see yourself laughing with him? Can you see yourself crying, with no makeup and in stained sweats? 

The first list is more fun to make. The second list is vital. Both are important. An ideal husband should have at least a few qualities from the first list, and all, or nearly all, from the second. Keep both lists in mind as you meet new people. Be open-minded, but hold fast to your convictions.

After my last first date, I called up Dalton and told him boldly that I wanted to see him. I had finally learned how to date, just in time to get married.

About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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Meet Our New Team Members

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As we at Spoken Bride strive to continue sharing the truth, goodness, and beauty of Catholic marriage, we are grateful for each of you: the authentic, faithful women who support and participate in our mission.

Today, it’s our pleasure to introduce to you the newest team members who are joining us in carrying out this mission in a tangible way. To learn about the entire Spoken Bride team, read more on the About Us page.

 

Maria Luetkemeyer, Twitter Manager

Getting to know Maria: My life is all about weddings at the moment! I am blessed to be working with Spoken Bride. My older sister, Emily, is the founder and creative force behind Pillar & Pearl Gifts, a Spoken Bride vendor. My older sister’s Katie recently got engaged, and I am preparing to be a bridesmaid in both her and my best friend’s weddings—God is clearly at work in the world of Catholic marriage!

My favorite saint and devotion: I have a special love of Saint Augustine, kindled by reading his Confessions, and a newfound devotion to the mystery of the Divine Mercy.

A quote I always turn back to: “It is necessary to go through dark and deeper dark and not to turn.” (The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo). Akin to walking through the valley of the shadow of death, it is crucial to embrace the cross of our sufferings of this life to bring us to deeper union with God.

Some personal highlights of COVID-19 quarantine: My older sister got engaged—talk about a light in the darkness! Quarantine has unexpectedly bonded my big, beautiful family together. We’ve been loving having meet-ups of every kind, be it over Zoom or socially distanced cookouts. Also, I have finally started reading the Diary of Saint Faustina for the first time!

 

Melissa Pfeifer, Instagram & Facebook Feed Manager

Getting to know Melissa: I have always loved to travel and explore, and grew up going to visit family in Ecuador. Since we’ve been married, my husband and I have visited 3 different countries—Norway, France, and Kenya. Of course the experiences are all wonderful in their own respects, but I found attending Mass in these unfamiliar parts of the world incredibly moving.

My favorite saints: Mother Teresa, though St. Ignatius and Sts. Zelie and Louis are important to me as well. 

Bible verses I always turn back to: “Where you go I will go” (Ruth 1:16); ”With God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26); ”Be still and know that I am God” (Psalms 46:16)

Some treasured memories of COVID-19 quarantine: Since we’ve been in quarantine, I’ve had more time to get creative with my candle shop on Etsy. I’ve completely changed the shop’s look and feel and am so excited for customers to try my new candles.

 

Janisse Valenzuela, Instagram Stories Manager

A fun fact about Janisse: My husband and I got married on the feast day of St. Zelie and Louis Martin, July 12th, 2019, we have a special love and devotion to these married saints. Praying for their daily heavenly intercession for our marriage and all marriages in the world. 

My favorite saints: Apart from the Blessed Mother, Pope John Paul II, St. Zelie and Louis Martin, St. Joseph, and St. Therese of Lisieux..... these are my favorite heavenly friends!

A quote I always go back to: "Perfect love passes through the total and constant gift of oneself” (Saint John Paul II). Any Pope John Paul II quote is my favorite! He is seriously my favorite theologian and philosopher of all time! 

A new hobby during COVID-19 quarantine: Cooking homemade meals, taking virtual live cooking classes, and watching cooking Youtube Videos. We are traveling the world by cooking new cuisines every week; so far we have made Mexican, Italian, Indian, Greek, and Asian dishes. 

 

Theresa Namenye, Contributing Writer

Getting to know Theresa: I love being busy with good things. The more packed my schedule is, the more I thrive and the more I accomplish. Rest feels good to me when it's balanced with a lot of hard work. Quarantine is difficult for me in this regard. But like all things, I have to see it as an invitation to learn new ways of accomplishing goals and seeking the true, good, and beautiful without a normal schedule. 

One of my favorite devotions: I have come to enjoy praying the Rosary of Divine Mercy Chaplet on runs outside. 

Quotes I always turn back to: "In my deepest wound I saw Your glory, and it dazzled me." (Augustine); "We do not need wings to find You." (Teresa of Avila)

Something I’ve learned during COVID-19 quarantine: I wouldn't call it a new hobby, but I've become pretty good at Google classroom and online lesson planning  in quarantine. It is a sorry substitute for the joy of a real classroom but it's still a way to connect with my students every day. 

 

Maggie Strickland, Contributing Writer

A fun fact about Maggie: My parents got married on my grandparents' 28th wedding anniversary and we got married on my parents' 28th wedding anniversary - instead of one big cake, we had 10 smaller ones and my parents & grandparents each had their own cake cutting to celebrate their anniversaries.

My favorite saint: St. Therese of Lisieux

A quote I always turn back to: "Remember: the holiness of 'little things' done well, over and over again, for the love of God" (Servant of God Catherine Doherty)

A new hobby during COVID-19 quarantine: I've dusted off my sewing machine and started working on sewing clothes since quarantine started.

 

Kat Finney, Contributing Writer

A fun fact about Kat: I am always ready for karaoke.  Note:  I did not say I am always good at karaoke.  I am simply always ready for it.

My favorite devotion: I have a devotion to Our Lady of Prompt Succor, who is patroness of New Orleans.  It has been through her intercession that New Orleans from fire, battle, and natural disasters.  We invoke her intercession in all times of need, particularly now in this time of pandemic but also throughout the months of hurricane season.

A quote I always turn back to: This is going to sound pretty cliché Catholic of me, but my favorite quote to live by is "Let it be done unto me according to thy word" (Luke 1:38). It's engraved on my wedding band, and when I read it I am reminded that God has greater plans than I could ever have for myself.

Something I’ve learned during COVID-19 quarantine: I've been struck throughout this quarantine with the reminder that there is so much to appreciate in the everyday normal.  I don't think I realized until these past few months that I don't have to look far to find fulfillment and joy.

 

Gen Allen, Contributing Writer

A fun fact about Gen: One day, I hope to be the patron saint of library delinquents. 

My favorite saints: St. Francis of Assisi and St. Mary Magdalene

A quote I always turn back to:  “Those were the Rommely women...They were all slender, frail creatures with wondering eyes and soft fluttery voices. But they were made out of thin invisible steel.” (Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn)

Something I’ve learned during COVID-19 quarantine: My family planted some flowers and herbs together! I have a black thumb, but we’re learning! 

 

Bridget Busacker, Contributing Writer

Bridget Busacker.png

Getting to know Bridget: I started playing the violin when I was 9 years old because I watched the movie, "Singin in the Rain" and there's a classic scene of a cheesy violin duet. Once I saw it, I was inspired to play and begged my mom to let me try it! She wasn't so sure, but I ended up taking lessons for many years—including some lessons in college and during my first year of marriage, too! 

My favorite saint and devotion: I have a devotion to my confirmation saint, St. Therese of Lisieux! I didn't start having a devotion to her until a few years ago when I read about her parents and learned more about her family life. I had some misconceptions about Therese and thought she was kind of annoying (can I say that about a saint?!) until I realized we had quite a few things in common (so, does that make me annoying, too?!). Ever since I started learning more about her, I find her in the most random places around town and in churches - even when traveling! She is now a dear heavenly friend to me.

A quote I always turn back to: "Though we may travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

A treasured memory from COVID-19 quarantine: I've been enjoying time with my new daughter and my husband and I have been playing more board games together. A new favorite: Hive! 

 

Rhady Taveras, Vendor Coordinator

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A fun fact about Rhady: My favorite season of the year is autumn!

My favorite devotion: I particularly love praying the rosary on Sundays with my fiance. Reflecting on the Glorious Mysteries always brings us so much joy!

A quote I always turn back to: Too many to choose from! I have a running list, but in the midst of everything happening in the world, I've felt God constantly whispering "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) in my ear. That verse has always kept me grounded, but lately it's been a beautiful reminder to trust in His greater plan. 

A treasured memory of COVID-19 quarantine: My parents have never played board games before. So, my sister and I decided to introduce them to some classic games during quarantine. They love it so much that we've been playing board games as a family every single night! 

 

Emily Brown, Podcast Manager

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Getting to know Emily: I was a ballerina most of my life, so I love to just break out dancing sometimes! I am also a seasoned musician, and play the piano, pipe organ, violin, and viola; so classical music is totally my jam while I’m cooking dinner or doing work. And finally, I’m an avid outdoorswoman. I love being outside (especially at the beach!) enjoying God’s beautiful creation!

My favorite saints: St. John Paul II and St. Gianna

A quote I always turn back to: “Pray, Hope, and don’t worry!” (Saint Padre Pio)

Some treasured memories of COVID-19 quarantine: The mornings my fiancé and I woke up early to watch the sun rise on the beach and we stood in the water for hours And, my future mother-in-law and I really bonded over watching Downton Abbey together! Many evenings have been spent enjoying an episode with conversation and giggles and popcorn! 

When You and Your Sister Are Both Engaged

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KAT FINNEY + GENEVIEVE ALLEN

 

Do you have not just your own wedding drawing near on the calendar, but that of someone else you’re close to?

Kat and Genevieve are sisters who got engaged within three days of each other and were married in the same year. “Wedding planning together was one of the sweetest experiences of our lives,” shares Kat, “but it can also come with some challenges.” For other women planning their weddings at the same time as their own sisters, family members, or close friends, we’re honored to share the fruits of these ladies’ wisdom.

Practical Considerations

In Kat’s words: One of the more obvious benefits to being engaged at the same time as your sister is the mutual experience of planning for one of life’s biggest moments. You get to giggle over wedding magazines and dream about the future together. It’s like that time you marched down the aisle of your shared bedroom together, humming “da da da dum” and wearing veils made of curtains, only it’s real. Take some time together to go to lunch and let it sink in that this is really happening. Take pictures. Toast each other. Soak it up.

A great practical benefit of getting married around the same time as my sister was familiarizing ourselves with vendors in the area. You might consider working with wedding vendors who offer referral packages, should you both choose to book with them. We used many of the same vendors, not only because we liked what they had to offer, but also because many of them had referral offers in exchange for spreading the word about their businesses.

One possible downside: we were concerned since our weddings were in the same year, our guests would have déjà vu once they went to the second wedding. The key when using the same vendors is to stay true to your own taste. It was very tempting for me to just copy all of Gen’s décor, simply because I knew she had great ideas and her wedding would be beautiful. But even though I loved everything about Gen’s wedding and the details she chose, I would have been untrue to myself if I hadn’t gone with my own choices. Never compromise your own style, even when your bestie’s is temptingly gorgeous.

In Genevieve’s words: Kath and I even had some of the same bridesmaids, so we tried to be conscious of cost when making choices for our bridal party. That's at least two dresses, showers, and bachelorette parties your favorite girls might feel pressure to pay for, so consider what investments could be optional. For example, does it really matter that all of your bridesmaids are in heels? No. So request that your girls wear nude shoes, but don't specify a style. If you want everyone in the same kind of jewelry, provide that as your bridesmaid gift.

Lots of these little things won't actually matter to you in the end, but they can provide big savings for some of the most important women in your life. I actually wish I hadn't been so firm on the color of bridesmaid dress for my wedding, because I now love the trend of mismatched but coordinating gowns. This cost consideration goes for wedding guests, too. If you have a registry, include a wide range of items and price points. Whether you’re getting married in the same year as your sister or not, this is a considerate thing to do.

Things to Do Together and Apart

Kat: One of the best decisions Gen and I made was to scheduling our own individual dress appointments, as opposed to trying to find our dresses at the same time. The first time we ever tried on dresses, we decided we’d go and both look together. It would kill two birds with one stone, right?

Wrong. We ended up not really being able to shop well, each wondering if our sister was going to want the same dress or bringing dresses off the racks for each other while forgetting to look for ourselves. We hated every dress we tried on that day and felt discouraged after leaving. This may not be how everyone experiences shared dress shopping dates, but both of us highly recommend making separate appointments. The main reason is it takes the pressure off and allows you to better dote on your friend or sister as she shops for her gown.

Genevieve: Ultimately, this day is about you, your future spouse, and your marriage. It can be easy to forget about that when you’re covered in bridal magazines and fabric swatches. Some things, like choosing shoes or wedding jewelry, are naturally going to be better sister activities.

Most wedding decisions and preparation, however, should be focused on you and your spouse. You probably will be able to identify which wedding tasks your fiancé won't care too much about, but give him the opportunity to make decisions with you before assuming he won't be interested. For example, I knew my fiancé cared not at all about flowers, so this was one aspect of planning Kath and I had a great time tackling together.

Keeping It Prayerful

Kat: We suggest saying a novena together in preparation for your weddings. Obviously this can be done with your fiancé, but it can also be done with your bestie. Nothing is more important in the wedding planning process than spiritual preparation. And when you know you have the spiritual support of your best friend, it can be a real source of grace and inspiration during a potentially stressful time.

Gen and I both took different routes for marriage prep within the Church. It’s good to recognize that your relationship and your sister’s are different, and that no one option is a “best” choice; there’s only a best choice suited to you and your fiancé as a couple.

My fiancé and I met regularly with the deacon at the church where we got married, along with about a dozen couple-to-couple meetings. I couldn’t recommend this more, especially if you know a couple you admire and if you have the time to meet. This brought up so many difficult questions that we were able to answer before getting married, and we had tons of fun with the couple who guided us. The downside to this route is if you don’t know the couple leading you or have trouble relating to them, this could be a very dull, drawn out, and frustrating process, so the Engaged Encounter weekend may be better if you don’t have a mentor couple in mind.

Genevieve: My husband Dalton and I chose to do an Engaged Encounter instead of a mentor couple. We liked the idea of being isolated in a retreat-type setting for our marriage prep, away from distractions.

I could probably write an entire book on the pros and cons of that weekend. Overall, it was very meaningful. We learned a lot about each other, ate bad retreat food, prayed for our future family, learned an overview of NFP (luckily we had our own Creighton instructor to fill in the rest), and generally felt a lot more prepared for marriage. If you have some hurdles to overcome prior to your wedding day--differences in faith practices, family of origin issues, or questions about Church teaching, the couple to couple option might be a more fruitful experience for you.

Finally, try to resist the temptation to compare your engagement, wedding, or relationship to that of your sister and her fiancé. We have found the best way to overcome this is to simply love and want the best for each other. Prayer can help with this, and so can open communication with your future spouse and your sister.

I found that my biggest point of comparison with Kath was actually our rehearsal dinner speeches. Her toast was the perfect blend of humor and emotion, and even as she was delivering it, I was regretting that mine wasn’t as good. I had to try to let that feeling go quickly because I wanted to enjoy the moment, but I’m still kind of jealous, even now! That girl can give a speech.

The joyous swirl of wedding planning is made even better when you are experiencing it with your sister. No one can better understand why you might feel the need to burst into tears when you finally find the perfect cake topper after hours of browsing on Etsy. No one is better at letting you know when you might be veering off into Bridezilla territory. No one's smile will be bigger when you finally walk down the aisle. Well, your fiancé's smile should probably be bigger, but yours might be almost as big.

Visit, or revisit, Kat and her husband Jonathan's wedding here and Genevieve and her husband Dalton's, both rich with New Orleans traditions, here.

About the Authors: Genevieve and Katherine are sisters and best friends from New Orleans, Louisiana. Gen is the older sister, a nurse and lactation consultant living in Louisiana. Kat is a former high school religion teacher who now stays at home in Pittsburgh with her daughter. Gen loves to stay inside and cozy up to a good book; Kat loves to be outside and to do karaoke with her husband. Gen is the introvert; Kat is the extrovert. Since they live far away from each other, they use their blog, The Sister Post, as one way to keep up communication lines and to share ideas and stories with each other and their readers. The purpose of their blog is to empower women to share in a common sisterhood; they see each other as their best resource, and they hope by sharing their own ideas, tips, and stories, other women will be uplifted by the online sisterhood they've created.

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