A Prayer for the Spoken Bride, disciple of Jesus.

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CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

In the past few months, I've been rereading and meditating on the words of the Church found in the Catechism's article about the Sacrament of Matrimony. 

I've been so moved by its language - the way in which its authors describe the nature and end of marriage, and all its essential qualities. But beautiful as they are, it can be easy to read the teachings of the Catechism contained here as spiritual reflections that feel far from our lived experiences of married life. 

But that's not what they are meant to be. 

“Catechesis” is the term used in the language of faith to describe the whole effort of the Church to make disciples. So, we can understand that all the words contained in the Catechism are placed there to help form us to be better disciples of Jesus, more honest and intentional followers of Him. 

They aren't just beautiful theological conjecture. The spiritual words of the Church here are meaningful for our real lives - in study and formation and prayer. They come from Sacred Scripture, the Church Fathers, liturgy, the Church's Magisterium. And honestly, praying with the very words of this section of the Catechism is a beautiful way to realize their catechetical aim, because prayer is a central way in which we live out our lives as disciples.

My own praying with these paragraphs of the Catechism has been a blessing. And should you ever choose to, I'm very confident it will bless you as well. 

I found that the fruit of praying with these teachings was a deep sense of encouragement. And I really believe the Teaching Church wants married couples to find inspiration and reassurance here. So even if you don’t find in yourself the desire to sit with these paragraphs in the quiet of personal prayer, I hope to offer you a sense of that encouragement in a little poetic prayer crafted with some of the words and much of the spirit of this section of the Catechism. 

I hope in it you can hear the voice of the Body of Christ - the Church Jesus left to form and guide and bring you close to Him - encouraging you in your vocation.

A Prayer for the Spoken Bride

As I live daily in the workings of the mystery of marriage,
Keep me awake to Your movement, O God.

You are the author of this covenant union and I do not stand alone. Entwined within my marriage’s intimacy is the power of Your Holy Spirit, And you will not deny me the grace which I seek.

You have created me for communion.
Give me the grace to find You in my spouse even when I forget that this very intimate belonging is Your great gift to me, through him. Marriage makes my whole life echo Your character to the world - A chance to become an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which You love.

Free my marriage from the entanglement of sin and sanctify me through the brokenness I encounter in my spouse, and he in me.
May our love be marked with a pattern of forgiveness and repair. May I experience a taste of Your holy mercy through my husband’s love for me, my husband who accepts me despite my shortcomings, who chooses me in my frailty.

Fortify my marriage against the enemy who seeks to undermine our love, to plant seeds of discontent and fear and a desire for self-protection where it does not belong.
For there is no fear in love, and in Your holy name I cast it out.

It is You who binds up my wounds - the ones that only marriage may cause me to realize I possess.
Give me Your grace, the holy life You promise me through this Sacrament, never refuse it to me. Without it I can never hope to live the fidelity I have promised. Because it is Your fidelity I have promised.

May the love of my marriage be found good, very good in Your eyes. May the sufferings my husband and I bear now as crosses in our shared life on earth become our shared offering to You - enflamed with the fire of your Holy Spirit, who guards the bond of our union.
May they be like burnt offerings made from the altar of our Domestic Church - our island of belief in an unbelieving world.

You will never leave me.
As You ask me, through marriage, to live entirely in a posture of gift, You also prepare me to receive new life in You and through You. As I learn to endure in generosity, I will find You there. In whatever way you shape my family on this earth, I will find You there.

May my marriage be for my good and the good of my husband.
May I trust in Your providence.
May I know Your intimate love.
Without you, I can do nothing.

You are the source of my marriage’s love,
You are the end of my marriage’s love,
You are Love.

Holy Family of Nazareth, pray for us.

Amen.

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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Organizational Tips for Catholic Wedding Planning

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

Wedding planning, with all its small details and decisions, can feel overwhelming, especially if you don’t have some kind of organizational system.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Alex Krall Photography

Use these tips to help you and your fiancé stay organized and calm throughout the process. 

Make a designated wedding email. 

Make a designated wedding email that you can use to contact all your vendors to help keep all wedding-related communications in one place. 

Using your preferred email platform, create a new account and put both you and your fiancé’s name as the owner. You can then connect the email to both you and your fiancé’s phones or laptops so that you both have access to the account and can reference important emails and future vendor contracts all in one place.

Create a physical or digital binder

Consolidate your wedding planning dreams, documents, research, and more in a designated place. 

You can use Google docs if you like the convenience of a virtual document or in a binder if you prefer writing everything down. Here you can keep track of your research and make lists as they pop in your head.

If you are doing your research primarily on the computer, it would still benefit you to have a virtual document. This allows you to just copy and paste important links so that you don't have to have multiple tabs open at once and can reference your research as needed. 

In my experience creating a Gmail as your wedding email and using the Google apps (docs, sheets, etc.) can help you stay organized since everything is all in one place and easy to use/access. It also allows you to share documents with other Google users with ease, so you can grant access to different people that are a part of your wedding, like your fiancé or members of your wedding party.

Communicate clearly with your bridal party. 

If you choose to have a wedding party, you will want to keep them updated on important information. Let them know your expectations and what you see their role as (what they will be wearing, if you want them to throw you a bridal shower and/or bachelorette party, etc.). 

Every wedding is different, and every bride has a different vision for her bridal party. Consider writing a note to your bridesmaids once you ask them to take part in your special day and share with them your vision for your wedding and their role in it. 

Details can always change, but communicating with them throughout the process can benefit both you and them. In articulating the vision for your day, it will give you a clearer picture for your day and it helps you and your fiancé to organize your thoughts and ideas in order to relay them to others.

Break things down. 

Research the typical order of details for planning a wedding (when to book certain vendors, when to send out invitations, etc.), then make a rough month to month checklist of what ‘should’ be done each month leading up to the wedding. 

Spoken Bride offers a comprehensive guide that features expertly curated checklists for a distinctively Catholic engagement, ceremony, and reception. 


You don’t have to stress over doing each item exactly as the checklist lays out, but having a list will help you and your fiancé prioritize and plan efficiently. 

Once you complete things on your list it’s not only satisfying to cross them off but it’s also an exciting countdown because each month that passes is one month closer to your big day!

Take it one day at a time

Most importantly take wedding planning one day at a time. 

If you try to plan everything at once, it will all feel more intense than it should. 

Remember to continually bring everything to God, asking for direction, and making decisions and both you and your fiancé feel comfortable making even if that means prolonging a decision to discern what is best when looking at the grand scheme of things.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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Catholic Symbolism for your Fall Wedding Bouquet

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For centuries, flowers were often used as religious or spiritual symbols particularly in visual art to point the viewer toward eternal truths. 

You can add even more significance into your wedding day by incorporating flowers with Christian meaning into your bouquet. This can also offer a unique way to invite you, your spouse, and your guests of your loving Creator.

PHOTOGRAPHY: COLETTE M. PHOTOGRAPHY

If you’re getting married this season and want to have a meaningful and autumnal bouquet, consider incorporating some of these floral elements:

Roses

Roses have a timelessness that adds beauty and elegance to your wedding bouquet as well as a plethora of Catholic significance. 

Not only do roses symbolize Our Lady, but they also represent Christian joy which is why you will often see saints depicted as wearing a wreath of roses in art. The colors of roses often hold special meanings and can add to your day in more ways than one.

Calla Lily

Similar to Roses, Calla Lilies are often included in depictions of the Blessed Mother, St. Joseph, and other saints as they represent purity. 

They also play a role in the celebrations surrounding Easter, as a symbol of Christ’s resurrection and are mentioned several times in the Song of Songs within “a garden enclosed” offering meditation on what it is to be a bride. 

Lilies, with their unique shape, can easily stand alone in a wedding bouquet or can be mixed in with other flowers for a striking and sophisticated look. 

Related: ​​Uniquely Catholic Ideas for Preserving Your Wedding Bouquet

Anemone

Since they come in over 150 species and a variety of shades, Anemones can add bold details to your wedding bouquet. 

Many depictions of Christ’s crucifixion and the Sorrowful Mother include this delicate and romantic flower. Christ’s Passion and death holds a deep meaning for Catholics, especially those called to the vocation of marriage. 

Include these flowers as a reminder to love one another the way that Christ loves us--wholly and without reserve. 

Orchid

Orchids also hold a similar significance for a wedding day as they represent the blood of Jesus Christ shed in the garden of Gethsemane garden and on Calvary. Incorporating them can offer a subtle reminder to you and your spouse of both the joys and sorrows that accompany this vocation. 

Long-lasting and surprisingly versatile, orchids make an excellent choice for a wedding bouquet. 

When your special day has come and gone, check out these uniquely Catholic ideas for preserving your wedding bouquet.

The Different Languages of "I'm Sorry"

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ADELAE ZAMBON

 

I vividly remember the early disagreements of our relationship. We were still dating and the concept that this person I was head-over-heels for might have a differing viewpoint or preference literally stunned me.

Navigating differences of opinion, unmet expectations, hurt feelings, or surfacing mistrust in a relationship can be nothing short of a challenge. Resolving any type of discord between you and your significant other can feel awkward, messy, and even uncertain at the beginning. 

It takes time to learn about one another. It takes intention to learn how to love one another. And ultimately, the vulnerable, humble, open receptivity required of asking for and extending forgiveness can strengthen a relationship.

Because the Lord can bring good through all things, conflict can fortify and refine a couple, making them more “one.”

Once we’ve experienced contention, though, how do we go about reconciliation?

In the early days of our relationship, this was harder than we’d expected. That is, until my husband came across The 5 Apology Languages.

Like many of you, we’d heard of The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman’s popular book on the topic had been a New York Times Bestseller for over ten years. Then we discovered that there are reconciliation styles or “apologies languages” as well! This changed our relationship; but before it did, I had to be won over because I was skeptical. I believed that in a loving, trusting relationship, I should simply trust his apology was genuine.

Eventually, I agreed to take the online quiz. . . turns out we had very different apology languages!

The results of the quiz revealed that my primary apology language was “Expressing Regret.” According to 5lovelanguages.com, “for those who listen for ‘Expressing Regret’ apologies, a simple ‘I’m sorry’ is all they look for.” As someone who listens for this apology language, I need my other-half to express his genuine remorse for the emotional hurt that had been caused. As long as he acknowledges his regret for the hurt that I felt and expresses it wasn’t his intent, I can find closure and healing.

On the other hand, my spouse’s primary Apology Language was “Accept Responsibility.” As 5lovelanguages.com explains, “for many individuals, all they want is to hear the words, ‘I am wrong.’ If the apology neglects accepting responsibility for their actions, many partners will not feel as though the apology was meaningful and sincere.” With this apology language, the admission of fault is key. For Joe, in order for him to feel the conflict was resolved, he needed me to accept responsibility for my action or words and the effect they had on him.

Example A of how this would unfold:

I am hurt. Joe would try to apologize by taking ownership for what he did: “I’m sorry that I said xyz. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Yet, I would still ache for him to say he didn’t mean to hurt me so we would not find complete closure from the conflict.


Example B, in the reverse scenario:

Joe is hurt. To try to make things right, I would say that I hadn’t meant to hurt him: “I’m sorry that it hurt when I said xyz; I didn’t mean to make you feel dismissed. I meant ____.”

Yet, in me trying to explain what my intention was, Joe heard excuses; he wanted me to say that I was wrong. I needed to admit fault and take accountability. Thus, the conflict remained unresolved.

As you can see, it’s so easy to “miss” each other in attempts to reconcile and resolve a misunderstanding or an interaction that left one or both people hurt.

Just as knowing your beloved’s love language helps us to care for them in the ways they want and need to be loved through physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts and quality time, so does knowing their apology language helps us to love them into healing and reconciliation.

Without this knowledge, we may unknowingly be overlooking an opportunity to extend charity where they seek it most.

More resources for understanding you and your spouse’s apology language:

Now You’re Speaking My Language by Gary Chapman

The Five Apology Languages by Gary Chapman

The Five Apology Languages Quiz

About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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More Uniquely Catholic Wedding Favors

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

Couples often choose to express their gratitude for their wedding guests by giving out favors at the reception. 

While not a necessity, favors can provide personal touches to your wedding day and can serve as special mementos for your guests. Below you will find, some uniquely Catholic favors for your wedding reception or bridal shower:

Spiritual Bouquet

Shower your guests with prayer by giving them a spiritual bouquet of sorts on your wedding day. 

Offer mass, pray a novena or another devotion during your engagement for the guests that will attend your wedding. Then make note of this on a sign somewhere in the reception area or give them a small card telling them that you remembered them and their intentions in your prayers. 

Make a donation

In place of a traditional favor, make a donation in the name of your wedding guests to an organization that you and your fiancé want to support. Note this donation on a sign where guests walk into/out of the reception hall, on the table numbers, or the placement cards, etc.

Read more: Uniquely Catholic Wedding Favors


Your favorite treat

You can show your love and thanks to your wedding guests by going above and beyond to extend your hospitality during your wedding day. Food in particular is a good place to start. 

For your wedding favor, consider giving out you and your fiancé’s favorite candy, snack, dessert, etc. This way you can personalize the favor so it has more meaning to you and your fiancé but can also be something that most people would like to eat or snack on at the end of the wedding celebrations.

Flowers

Flowers (or flower seeds) make a good option for wedding favors, especially if you have a lot of local guests coming to your reception. Many flowers also contain a rich Catholic symbolism and can provide a beautiful touch to your guests’ homes. 

If you choose to DIY your bouquets or centerpieces and have a bunch of vases/flowers leftover, you can write a note to your guests in the reception hall that they can take the flowers home as their favor. You can also thrift glasses or collect bottles/jars to use as vases for a thriftier option. 

When deciding on favors, try to think about meaningful gifts that you can share with your guests. Don’t be afraid to think outside of the box. Offer favors that reflect you and your fiancé while also showing your guests that you appreciate them.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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It's Here! All About Our New Advent Book Release.

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Today it’s our joy to announce the launch of our first full-length book, Awaited: an Advent Devotional for Catholic Couples!

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A longtime dream, we wrote Awaited specifically for couples to share in this season, side-by-side and face-to-face. While we've encountered a variety of liturgical resources for personal reflection, geared toward men or women individually, we envisioned a resource couples could use together--growing in understanding and delving deeper into the heart of God all the while. And here it is! 

We know engagement and married life are ripe for imagining the type of home, traditions, and celebrations you hope to create for your family.

So we’re so proud to offer you a devotional that’s both practically and spiritually edifying, rooted in Scripture and prayer, and encourages you and your beloved to dream and converse. We sincerely hope you love it and that it bears fruits in your relationship year after year.

Here’s what you’ll find inside:

  • Weekly focal points emphasizing different aspects of preparing for Christ's birth: preparing your home, your family, your marriage, and your hearts for the Christmas season

  • Daily reflections, questions, and action steps to read and discuss as a couple

  • Four guided prayer exercises intended to strengthen your shared spiritual lives, throughout Advent and beyond

Ready to get your copy? Ideal for any season of engagement, newlywed life, and years into marriage, Awaited is available now through Amazon and Barnes & Noble, in a digital format or beautifully finished, matte cover paperback.

Wait in hope. The Awaited One––He who will transform our marriages and our lives ––is near.

Feeling Stuck? How My Husband and I Recommit to Our Priorities.

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

There is a lot dead in me that needs to be raised. 

During our long-distance engagement, my husband and I would excitedly anticipate finally being together every day and night, dreaming about all we wanted our married life to be: time spent face-to-face and not side-by-side; a shared sense of wonder with time spent outdoors and exploring our city; a home filled with inspiring literature and music. 

It was exhilarating, until the realization set in that we were spending many evenings next to each other on the couch, laptops open to separate projects we should have left at work; until it felt easier to skip a hike or bike ride and just keep clicking next episode; until our Sunday papers and poetry journals sat ignored in favor of our phones.

Why is it so easy to dream, but so hard to take actual steps toward realizing them? My marriage has been through several seasons like this, where apathy takes over and feels easier than making a change, even when we feel dissatisfied with our habits.

When you so deeply desire to be fully alive, bad habits just make you feel...dead.

Though we aren’t perfect at making an immediate change and turnaround, my husband and I have, fortunately, developed an easy list-making practice that helps us reorient ourselves and turn our focus back to what we truly value. If you’re in a “stuck” season yourself, I invite you to get out a notepad and try out a reset. Here’s how:

List 5 things you deeply love and hope to invest your time in.

Is it a favorite hobby? Hosting and hospitality? Quality time with family? Travel? To make this list, consider what renews you and your beloved, what you dream about doing, and what pursuits make time slow down. Write down what it is you love!

List the 5 things you most frequently invest your time in.

No judgment! Just honesty. Is your time most frequently spent on work? Chores? What types of leisure? Who are you with?

Maybe you can see where this is going.

Compare your two lists: is there any overlap? What areas of how you’re actually living your day-to-day align with how you’re hoping to live your day-to-day? 

It’s eye-opening to consider how well, or not well, your priorities and passions correspond to your daily choices. And for me, it’s motivating.

During the times I clearly see myself pushing aside the things that truly bring me alive, choosing the crumbs instead of the feast, I find myself thinking of the span of my life, and what the legacy of my actions, marriage, and family will be: decades from now, will I truly be able to say I sought what is beautiful, good, and fulfilling, or that I spent my life watching TV? To be clear! It’s certainly not wrong to spend an afternoon relaxing with a show you love. If, however, I consistently choose TV over something I objectively enjoy more, a habit is formed and that starts to become my life.

I should also be clear in saying I recognize that these big dreams, that first list of what you love, might feel like a privilege. Sometimes, circumstances and family situations dictate that we’re more beholden to work or that some pursuits aren’t financially attainable for the season you’re in. I encourage you, though, to dream anyway, trusting and hoping that in whatever moments of leisure you have, the Lord in his goodness will revive you still, inviting you to meet him where you are and use your time with intention.

Father, you who are eternal, thank you for the gift of time. May we use it to seek and find you, living lives of integration and fulfillment. Draw us back to you in all things.

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Combating Comparison + the Pressure to Please in Wedding Planning

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ADELAE ZAMBON

 

So much pressure surrounds the planning of a wedding day.

Whether it comes from family members, social media, or your own expectations, it’s not hard to see how this season of preparation can amount to great stress leading to the big day.

My husband and I lived long distance for the duration of our dating and engagement seasons. We went through a thirteen-month immigration process for us to get married; we planned three wedding dates, two of which were cancelled after experiencing immigration delays; and he finally arrived on this side of the border 1.5 weeks before our nuptials. Needless to say, we found the months that led to our matrimony immensely stressful.

However, nothing came close to the extreme pressure I felt to have a wedding that “lived up” to the expectations of the people who would attend our day. After all, we had very generous family members helping us finance the celebration and friends from all over the world flying in for the occasion; I wanted it to be worth their while. . .whatever that meant.

In the end, my wise husband-to-be led us in devising a wedding that would reflect our journey to becoming man and wife, our values, our taste, and our finances. The event wound up being a creative, quirky conglomeration of some of our favorite things. From having a ceremony between Sunday Masses, to hosting a reception at a coffee house, to serving dinner from a taco truck and a popsicle cart for dessert, it was unconventionally unique to us.

And to this day, we still hear from countless friends and family who share it was one of their favorite weddings to attend.

If I could go back and speak a word into the bridal stress of my life:

I would tell myself to drop the performance mentality and the pressure to please.

I would challenge myself to reflect on the meaning and magnitude of the day: that my fiance and I would be forging a covenant with one another and the Lord; that this day marked the ushering-in of our life together; that it was a day of celebrating us.

I would pray with the wisdom in Proverbs that states, “Fear of man becomes a snare.”  

Truthfully, “fear of man” became an idol above my fear of the Lord. 

“Fear of man” takes priority in our hearts when we place people’s thoughts, opinions, judgments over the Lord’s. 

People-pleasing, a symptom of “fear of man,” holds us captive in fear: fear of rejection and fear of not being deemed enough. In contrast, fear of the Lord allows us to stand in holy awe of His works, which is the perfect disposition for a bride and groom preparing for marriage. 

Consider how transformative a holy awe that the Lord brought you together; that He blesses your relationship; and how wondrous it is He has planned for your future together; could be in this season.

I would renounce the spirit of comparison that time and again stole me joy during this season of preparation. 

We can easily fall prey to comparison during wedding planning; like comparing yours to another’s budget; comparing yours to another couple’s wedding details; comparing who RSVP’d to your wedding vs. theirs; comparing your honeymoon to someone else’s, etc. 

Yet, our marriages and our weddings are not meant to be in competition. Each are designed to be unique expressions of the Trinity.

So, next time you sense the urge to compare or people-please in the midst of a decision for your special day, ask yourself: “What would I choose if no one was looking? What would I choose if my fiance and I were the only attendees on the day that is, at its core, about us and our covenant with God?”

About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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Writing Heartfelt Thank You Notes (with Scripts for Catholic Brides)

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HANNAH HOLLCRAFT

 

A well written thank you note is an act of love. It expresses gratitude and thoughtfulness

PHOTOGRAPHY AND STATIONERY: HUDSON & PRESS

PHOTOGRAPHY AND STATIONERY: HUDSON & PRESS

It takes time and effort to write individual thank you cards for your wedding and bridal shower, but this gesture can express your gratitude and thoughtfulness in a truly unique way.

Plus, sending a thank you note after your wedding allows you to share your new address with friends and family. 

Your guests will appreciate the warmth and personal touch a thank you note brings.

Here are some scripts you can use for inspiration to  make your own heartfelt thank you notes:

Dear (Name),

Thank you for coming to my bridal shower this Summer. I loved getting the chance to celebrate and visit with you. Thank you for the (name of gift). It was very thoughtful of you and I am excited to (way you will use the gift). (Fiance’s name) and I are blessed to have your support as we get ready to enter the Sacrament of Marriage. Please keep us in your prayers. We can’t wait to celebrate with you on (Wedding Date).

Gratefully, The Future Mrs. (Last)

Dear (Name),

Thank you for coming to celebrate our wedding day with us! We were honored to have you there to support us as we entered the Sacrament of Marriage. It was such a joyful day for us and it wouldn’t have been the same without so many amazing friends and family surrounding us. Thank you for the (name of gift). (Husband’s name) and I cannot wait to (way you will use the gift). We are so blessed to have you in our lives, thank you for your generosity.

In Christ, Mr. and Mrs. (Last Name)

Dear (Name),

Thank you for the (name of gift) you sent us to celebrate our wedding. We are very grateful. We already (way you have used the gift). We missed being able to celebrate with you in person but (husband’s name) and felt your love even from far away. We promise to send you lots of photos. Thank you again and warm wishes to your family!

With Love, Mr. and Mrs. (Last Name)

Read more: Heartfelt Thank You Notes: The 6th Love Language


Include any personal/relevant details to make a thank you note extra special:

“We were touched that you traveled all the way from ... to celebrate with us.” 

“It was great to hear about…” 

“We can’t wait to see you and your family again at…” 

“Your children are getting so grown up we were overjoyed to see them again.” 

“Congratulations on…”


If someone did something particular to help out at the wedding or shower be sure to mention it by name:

“Thank you for baking the cookies, they were delicious!” 

“We were so grateful to borrow the venue decorations you lent us.” 

“Thank you for being there to help us set up the tables for the reception. We couldn’t have done it without you.” 

When someone gives you a money or gift card try to be specific about how you will use it:

“Thank you for the gift card to Target. We will use it to buy bath towels for our new home.” “Thank you for the generous $50 you gave us. We will be using it as we travel to (location) for our honeymoon.” 

“Thank you for donating to our wedding fund. Thanks to you we were able to hire the photographer we wanted even though they were a little out of our initial price range. We will treasure our wedding photos for a long time to come.”

Finally, don’t forget to write thank you notes for the most important people in your lives. Parents, Bridesmaids, new In-Laws, Grandparents, and Siblings will all appreciate a handwritten note expressing your gratitude:

“Thank you for being my Maid of Honor. I cannot express how grateful I am that you were beside me as I entered my new vocation. Your friendship is such a gift.”

“Mom and Dad thank you for every little and big thing you did to help with my wedding. I know you made so many sacrifices to get me to this place in my life and I am so very grateful. Thank you for the woman you raised me to be and the way that you’ve always been there to love and support me.”

“Grandma, thank you so much for all the love and kindness you’ve always shown me. Thank you especially for coming with Mom and I when we picked out my wedding dress. It was so special to have you there with me on such a special day.” 

About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.

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Marriage: A Sacrament of Healing

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ADELAE ZAMBON

 

We most often hear Marriage categorized as a “sacrament of service” or a “sacrament of communion.” 

Yet, as my husband and I have discovered being united by this sacrament, the Lord desires for it to be one of healing too.

I remember the first time I let my husband see the rawness of my heart. We were engaged and our wedding day was drawing near. As we prepared our hearts and souls to be united and made one, we felt the Lord drawing us closer and closer in emotional and spiritual intimacy.

I could feel the internal tug of war; the way the narratives written by my trauma and past mistakes tried to take the lead on writing the new story between us. I could see the lies and inner vows vying for the driver’s seat. At times, our hearts were a battle ground.

I knew there were parts of my story that I needed to bring to the light in order for him to fully make a free choice and for me to believe I was truly being received for all the past mistakes and imperfections I might carry.

By rivers of tears, stories were shared. Hours passed and he only embraced me stronger and loved me harder. He didn’t shy away or shun me. He declared words of dignity and love over my wounds. He spoke clarity into the confusion and truth over my identity that dispersed the shame. I was undone in the most beautifully healing, humbling, and convicting way.

In those moments of revealing my heart, the light of His love was freeing. You see, Satan loves to operate in darkness. He wants you to remain shrouded there, but Love is the Light that breaks through and reveals truth, beauty and dignity. And the Lord uses marriage as a vessel of such light as it is the place of His love.

Our wounds are our places of greatest vulnerability. There, we are most susceptible to believe and take agreement with lies about our identity that are whispered to us by the evil one. In his book Be Healed: A Guide to Encountering the Powerful Love of Jesus in Your Life, Dr. Bob Schuchts writes that these identity lies and beliefs “shape the way we see ourselves and become filters through which we view life in all its many aspects.”

Though, continues Schuchts, “we may believe with our intellects that we are God’s beloved children. . .our hearts believe a different message.” Out of a wound, inner vows can be made as well. 

These are conscious or unconscious decisions that we make to keep ourselves safe in the midst of present suffering, or in recalling past pain. They serve as protective mechanisms to avoid further hurt and affect how we see and relate to God, ourselves, others and the world around us. Often, they become barriers around our heart, impacting our closest relationships.

When you feel a block, an obstacle or find yourself “triggered,” you may have come into contact with the safety net you’ve cast around your heart. Unfortunately, this mode of “safety” also serves as a blockade from true intimacy with our spouse and our God.

Fear not, though-- that which could cause the greatest division can also act as the conduit to the deepest intimacy!

When you feel a catch in your heart, a moment’s mistrust of the other - ask yourself, why?

Could it be that you have been activated by a word, action, or mannerism of your beloved that is causing your mind, body or heart to recall a hurt in your past? Here, the Lord draws attention and invites us into healing. Here is where He draws us close to true safety.

These are times to pause, reflect and pray. Take some time to take inventory of what takes place within your heart during these moments. Invite your spouse into the conversation. Then, together, take it to prayer.

Perhaps try these steps to explore how the Lord wants to use the situation to usher in healing for you and greater unity for your marriage:


Step 1

In times of confusion, miscommunication, hurt, division: examine the narratives running through your head: What do you see in your mind’s eye? Are there memories surfacing? Are you reliving a past event?

What are you hearing? Are there any lies or inner vows about yourself, your partner, God, the world? Does it go against the truth of your identity as a Daughter of the King of Kings? Does it go against the nature of God? What are you feeling? Is there a spirit of fear or anxiety?

Remember, the voice of God breathes peace. His word is not condemning, nor does it cause fear, restlessness, unease or anxiety.

Step 2

Write down any lies/inner vows/fears/doubts in a list on the left side of a sheet of paper.

Step 3

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the truth, the antidotes to the lies/inner vows/fears/doubts, etc. List them on the right side of paper, opposite to its respective lie, vow, etc.

Step 4

Take these to prayer with your spouse. The spousal office holds power and the intercession for your beloved has a profound role in our healing. 

Intercessory prayer allows spouses to live out their call to support their beloved’s intimacy with the Divine, helping the other grow closer to the Lord and walking him/her to Heaven.

Pray: Renounce each individual lie/fear/inner vow: In the Name of Jesus, I renounce_________. Lord, please break the power of it over me right now. In its place, please fill me with [insert the antidote truth you listed to the right of this lie or fear or inner vow].

Repeat with each lie/fear/inner vow/doubt, etc.

Step 5

Close by entrusting your prayer for healing and freedom to Our Lady Undoer of Knots with a “Hail Mary.”

You can come back to your litany of truths on this sheet over and over again when you need to be armed against the lies. And if you find yourself afflicted by the same lies and inner vows continually, you may consider counseling to help you address the root of the wound behind them.

The Lord uses our vocation of marriage to sanctify us, to make us holy, to make us WHOLE as is God’s design for us. It forms us for the complete wholeness and fulfillment of Heaven. Sacraments bestow grace upon us that we need to make the journey to Heaven. 

Through marriage, God readies His bride (you) through the bridegroom He has given you (your husband), who is a channel of His love for you here on Earth as you are prepared for your Heavenly Bridegroom, Jesus Christ.

Let’s be saints, perfected through our imperfections and healed by Love.

More helpful resources for exploring healing that will manifoldly bless your life and relationships:

Be Healed by Dr. Bob Schuchts

Created for Connection by Sue Johnson

Unbound by Neal Lozano

“Restore the Glory” Podcast with Dr. Bob Schuchts & Jake Khym, MA

About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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What's New in the Spoken Bride Community | September 2021 Update

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Ever wonder what songs other brides chose for their wedding Mass? Looking for ways to make your first home as newlyweds sacred and beautiful? Excited to share a photo once you’ve tried on your gown? Just need a place for encouragement and intercession from other Catholic brides?

We’ve got you.

The Spoken Bride Community is a feed-style app we created to be different from any other platform out there. No sponsorships, no ads, no cursory Likes. Just honest conversations about practically anything you can imagine related to engagement and married life, and spiritual and practical support that meets you where you are.

We’re ready to welcome you and can’t wait to see what fruits your voice and your story will bring to the Community!

Your first month is free, and after that, for the price of one specialty coffee a month, you’ll receive access to:

  • Daily discussion topics and dialogue with other new brides and Spoken Bride team members, along with direct message options 

  • Weekly and monthly prayer opportunities that align with the liturgical year

  • Monthly virtual events hosted by Catholic wedding vendors, counselors, and more, ready to share their expertise and address your questions face to face

  • Exclusive downloads and discounts from the Spoken Bride Shop

  • Sincere affirmation, insight, and connection that forges real bonds of sisterhood and celebrates your engagement and wedding milestones alongside you

We truly believe the Spoken Bride community embodies goodness, truth, beauty, and relationship, inviting you into our mission in a distinctive and personal way. 

Here’s what we’ve been discussing recently…

  • One of our Community members got married in the month of August and worked with Spoken Bride vendor, Mary Katherine. Congratulations, Lynn and John! 

  • We hosted a “Budgeting for Families” workshop where Andi Compton shared a valuable tool and resource her and her husband have been using for years - as well as insight as to what it takes to raise children in her area.

  • Holy places we have visited - Assisi, Siena, Athens, Lourdes - too many beautiful and sacred places to list!

  • How paying for college (or paying off college debt) can sometimes affect your engagement or marriage. 

  • The inevitable challenges that arise when planning a wedding… trying to please your guests, cultural differences, details, etc. 

...And here’s what’s coming up:

  • First Friday prayer meetings are moving to 9:00am EDT. Join us if you’re able! 

  • A discussion on how to get involved in your parish as engaged and married couples… where to start, how to stay involved, and how to determine your unique gifts and talents. 

  • Celebrating JPII: We will be reading a section of Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love to read and discuss together as a group on his feast day, October 22! 

You’re invited, and we hope you’ll join us.

To do so, download the Mighty Networks app to your phone, search for Spoken Bride, and follow the steps within the app to become a member. 

Wonder and Delight: Five Stories of C.S Lewis to Read during Engagement

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EMILY DE ST AUBIN

 

“We must not be ashamed of the mythical radiance resting on our theology. . . . We must not, in false spirituality, withhold our imaginative welcome. If God chooses to be mythopoeic . . . shall we refuse to be mythopathic? For this is the marriage of heaven and earth: Perfect Myth and Perfect Fact: claiming not only our love and our obedience, but also our wonder and delight . . .” -C.S. Lewis, Myth Became Fact

While we were dating and engaged, my husband and I spent about a year in separate states while he finished his master’s degree in Ohio and I worked in Colorado. 

As anyone who has dated long-distance knows, it can be hard to think of things to talk about during those long phone conversations and skype-sessions. We wanted to talk on the phone for hours but as the weeks apart dragged into months, and without shared experiences to discuss, we struggled to engage with each other. 

Once we were engaged and living in the same state, wedding planning, apartment hunting, and job searching took over our shared experience to such a degree that we were dying for anything to take our mind off it.

The best idea came to us totally by accident- Eddie (my now husband) couldn’t believe that I had never read The Chronicles of Narnia. C.S. Lewis was already my favorite author, but since I had been unimpressed by the movies they made based on his famous children’s series, I never felt compelled to read them. So we decided to read them aloud to each other over the phone.

We started with The Magician’s Nephew and read all the way through The Final Battle. Beyond the joy of just listening to each other’s voices for a while at the end of each day, it gave us something to discuss and draw meaning from––an experience we both longed for while long distance. While we were drowning in the details of wedding planning and preparing for our life together, it gave us a meaningful and lighthearted escape that drew us together.

Below you’ll find a list of five books from (or about) C.S Lewis to read with your fiancé during your engagement. I hope they help pass the time together, take your minds off the practical details, and reawaken your sense of pure, impractical wonder.

The Chronicles of Narnia

Arguably C.S Lewis’ most well-known work, The Chronicles of Narnia consists of seven stories from the marvelous fantasy world of Narnia.

These easy-to-read books are stuffed with enough metaphor, simile, and allegory to fuel a year’s worth of late-night conversations.

The Space Trilogy

This lesser-known science fiction series by C.S. Lewis is much stranger and geared more for adults than Narnia. In it, Lewis answers the questions surrounding salvation history here on Earth and life on other planets. Essentially, with this series he states, “If Jesus is the saviour, he must be the saviour of the entire universe.”

Till We Have Faces

Till We Have Faces, Lewis’ final and most masterfully written novel, is one of my all-time favorite books. In it, Lewis gives us a dark and deeply romantic retelling of the myth of Cupid and Psyche through the lens of Psyche’s embittered sister Orual.

While not as easy to read as some of Lewis’ other works, this book will invite conversation and contemplation between you and your fiancé.

The Great Divorce

This is a truly fun story about heaven and hell and the roads we all walk between the two every day. Reading it, I came to realize just how well Lewis understood the sinner’s heart.

The Great Divorce tells of an extraordinary bus ride to heaven and the journeys the passengers must take. This thought-provoking novel provides the reader plenty of ideas to discuss and learn from. My husband and I still reference this book and its characters at least once a month. 

A Severe Mercy

I’m not exaggerating when I say that the lessons in this book saved my life. In A Severe Mercy, author Sheldon Vanauken writes about finding God in the midst of his pagan love story. 

While not written by C.S. Lewis, the author plays an important role in the conversion of Vanauken and therefore, a pivotal role in what unfolds in this memoir. This moving story will make you cry like a little baby, but you’ll be glad you read it.

What books would you add to the list? Share your book recommendations on our Instagram page.

About the Author: Emily is a '15 graduate of Franciscan University of Steubenville with a bachelor's of science in marketing. Since college, her experience in ministry has included teaching the Catholic faith through wilderness experiences in the Colorado Rocky Mountains with Camp Wojtyla, Core Team with her local LifeTeen, and participating in Young Adult groups throughout her many moves. Emily has been married to her husband Eddie for five years and they have three children together.

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His Will is Our Hiding Place: Marriage Wisdom in Corrie Ten Boom's Memoir

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

My husband and I celebrated seven years of marriage in May, and on my wedding day if you had asked me what our lives would look like seven years in, I would have predicted that we'd be a lot more settled and a lot more competent at marriage and parenting. 

By seven years, we'd definitely have things figured out.

I couldn't have anticipated just how exhausting the work of parenting small children is (let it be noted, I couldn't have anticipated the joys of it either). I couldn't have fathomed the world of invisible special needs we're now navigating for one of our children. I couldn't have foreseen all the career swerves we'd take and the consequential life-transition-whiplash we'd find ourselves in again and again. And I think I'd be surprised by just how far we've still got to go in learning how to love each other and our children well.

Sometimes it feels like we could have strategized our lives a little better.

I feel this particularly in regards to the winding career paths we've taken, but if I'm honest, on the hardest days at home with small kids, I've wondered if we should have waited a little longer to start a family or spaced our kids out a little more.

I found a lot of wisdom and solace in my own life in Corrie Ten Boom's memoir The Hiding Place, in which she describes her and her family's involvement in the Dutch resistance during WWII.

The title refers to the hidden room in their home where Corrie, her sister, and her father sheltered Jewish men and women from persecution. The title also refers to God's will. Corrie and her sister, Betsie were ultimately sent to a concentration camp where her sister died from illness. Corrie, herself, was released due to a clerical error. Had she stayed, she would have been killed with the other women in her age group a week later.

Corrie wonders at the timing of all this--that she is saved and her sister is spared a worse death than the one she endured. She writes,

"There are no “ifs” in God’s kingdom. I could hear [Betsie's] soft voice saying it. His timing is perfect. His will is our hiding place. Lord Jesus, keep me in Your will! Don’t let me go mad by poking about outside it."

At another point Corrie reflects on how startling it is that these world events came crashing in on their quiet lives and required them to choose between living in safety or to protect innocent life. She doesn't see the two disparate circumstances as unconnected: "this is what the past is for! Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for a future that only He can see."

Corrie's words and witness brings me comfort in my marriage. Her prayers have become my prayers. Even in a life free of the kind of dangers that Corrie and family faced, we still must make choices and live with those choices without wondering about the what ifs.

Standing here seven years in, I can't know what our future holds no matter how much expert strategizing we do for it, but I do know that if we have discerned well, then Corrie's words are true: "that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do."

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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How to Include an Outside Musician in your Wedding Mass

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SOPHIE GRAF

 

Using the music director and cantor provided by your ceremony location  is important to the flow of the Mass, but did you know it’s also possible to include outside musicians in your wedding ceremony? 

Here are six tips on how to do so. 

Keep an open line of communication between yourself, the church music director, and the outside musician(s). 

This is key, especially if the outside musician hasn’t worked with your music director before, isn’t Catholic, or doesn’t have extensive  experience playing for wedding ceremonies in the context of the Mass.

If possible, find a Catholic musician. 

A practicing Catholic will know the structure of the Mass, what music is appropriate when, and exactly when to start playing. They will also be able to participate fully in the Mass by saying the responses, singing with the congregation when they’re not playing, and knowing when to sit, stand, and kneel. Plus, they will probably pray for you and your marriage! 

Your music director likely has a list of musicians he or she recommends, but don’t be afraid to look for one on your own, especially if you’d like to include an instrument that’s not on the director’s list. Include search terms like “(Catholic) wedding [instrument] in [city]” and similar in your research.

Look for a musician with a music list specifically for Catholic weddings…

...Or make sure all selections are approved by your church music director. Musicians who regularly play for secular ceremonies will have a wide range of music available, yet since most pop music is not appropriate for the Mass, it’s helpful to find a musician familiar with Catholic  selections. Never fear though--you can always include pop music during the reception!

Related: 3 Tips for Choosing Your Mass Music

Consider  how you’d like the outside musician to work with the church musicians. 

Do you want your outside musician to play along with the church music director/cantor, or would it make more sense to split up the playing between the church musicians and the outside musician? 

Single-line melody instruments such as the flute, violin, or trumpet sound better with other instruments supporting them, whereas multi-note instruments such as the harp, or a group of musicians such as a string trio or quartet often sound better alone. 

Quieter instruments such as the harp can often be covered up by the piano or organ and so might benefit from playing solo, whereas the trumpet is loud enough that it will still be heard above an organ with all of its stops open! 

Your outside musician will advise you on the best strategy to take advantage of her instrument’s particular sound. Keep in mind that if your outside musician is playing with church musicians they haven’t worked with before, she might need  a rehearsal that will require an extra fee.However, outside musicians are likely able to play well-known religious selections, such as the Ave Maria, with only a brief rehearsal before the Mass.

Do you want your outside musician to play throughout the whole Mass? 

You may only want music during moments of transitions in the mass, like the prelude, the processional, the presentation of the gifts, and the recessional. Or you may want to incorporate music throughout the mass like the Psalm, the Alleluia, and the mass parts during the Eucharistic prayer. Understanding what your vision for your wedding mass is important when choosing a musician.

Again, this is something that the outside musician can advise you on. Some musicians, especially those who play regularly at Sunday Mass, are comfortable playing a complete Mass, whereas others (especially those who would have to write or arrange Mass parts for their instrument) are less familiar. 

A full Mass includes 2-3 times the amount of music usually used in a secular ceremony, so be prepared for a higher quote than a secular ceremony. Some musicians charge slightly different amounts depending on how much music they actually play, so make sure to ask about that if your budget is tight. 

Don’t forget about the business-y details. 

An outside musician will likely have his  own contract and will probably be paid directly by you, not by the church. Make sure you understand the contract and process, as it may be different than the church’s.

Bonus tip: If you’re thinking about including friends or family members as ceremony musicians, carefully consider their qualifications. Some very well might be qualified – but some professional musicians have a policy of only working with musicians who have a degree in music or experience in music ministry to avoid any difficult  situations. 

And above all, don’t plan on singing at your own wedding! There will likely be too many emotions for you to give a performance you are proud of. Choosing musicians you trust can relieve a lot of the stress surrounding wedding music planning--you’ll be thankful for their professionalism when the big day arrives.

So please, don’t be afraid to hire an outside musician. You and your guests will enjoy a little something special and we Catholic musicians will love being part of a wedding that truly embodies God’s plan for marriage!

Submission Writers Headshots.png

About the Author: Sophie Graf is a freelance harpist based in her hometown of San Diego. She enjoys a lively business performing for secular weddings but treasures the opportunity to perform as part of a Catholic wedding. Please pray that she gets hired for more!

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What's New this Month in the Spoken Bride Community

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Ever wonder what songs other brides chose for their wedding Mass? Looking for ways to make your first home as newlyweds sacred and beautiful? Excited to share a photo once you’ve tried on your gown? Just need a place for encouragement and intercession from other Catholic brides?

PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

We’ve got you.

The Spoken Bride Community is a feed-style app we created to be different from any other platform out there. No sponsorships, no ads, no cursory Likes. Just honest conversations about practically anything you can imagine related to engagement and married life, and spiritual and practical support that meets you where you are.

We’re ready to welcome you and can’t wait to see what fruits your voice and your story will bring to the Community!

Your first month is free, and after that, for the price of one specialty coffee a month, you’ll receive access to:

  • Daily discussion topics and dialogue with other new brides and Spoken Bride team members, along with direct message options 

  • Weekly and monthly prayer opportunities that align with the liturgical year

  • Monthly virtual events hosted by Catholic wedding vendors, counselors, and more, ready to share their expertise and address your questions face to face

  • Exclusive downloads and discounts from the Spoken Bride Shop

  • Sincere affirmation, insight, and connection that forges real bonds of sisterhood and celebrates your engagement and wedding milestones alongside you

We truly believe the Spoken Bride community embodies goodness, truth, beauty, and relationship, inviting you into our mission in a distinctive and personal way. 

Here’s what we’ve been discussing recently…

  • Resources for your fiancé (or anyone you might know) who is journeying through RCIA

  • Balancing family, work, school and social life as your spouse begins a new chapter as graduate students

  • Finding real and authentic romance in movies and books – what’s your favorite love story?!

  • Celebrating new life on the way, as well as the hardships that can come with pregnancy 

  • Supporting small Catholic businesses while creating a warm and hospitable environment in your home.

...And here’s what’s coming up:

  • How to create a budget for families – and stick with it! 

  • A discussion on how to get involved in your parish as engaged and married couples… where to start, how to stay involved, and how to determine your unique gifts and talents. 

You’re invited, and we hope you’ll join us.

To do so, download the Mighty Networks app to your phone, search for Spoken Bride, and follow the steps within the app to become a member. 

Re-Defining DIY: Prayerfully Including God and Family in Reception Details

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MARY FAGAN

 

On the eve of our wedding, my husband and I weren’t at our rehearsal dinner. No mishap had occurred—it’s just that the event had taken place across town the day before. That night, we were dressed in jeans and t-shirts, preparing our reception venue with a small army of loved ones.

He rigged up twinkle lights above the patio dance floor with a groomsman, and I disentangled the baby’s breath with my bridesmaids. On a nearby banquet table, my sister decorated the stunning wedding cake she’d baked for us, and in the next room aunts, uncles, and friends rinsed rented dishes and ironed tablecloths. My parents, undeterred by the many details to be arranged, were somehow everywhere at once.

Looking back, I remember being humbled that it wasn’t possible to “do it all ourselves” at this DIY reception. I also recall being a bit embarrassed to ask so many people to help us in this way, instead of inviting them to relax before the big day. I feared that I was taking advantage of their generosity. If I’m being honest, I was also self-conscious that we didn’t have the budget for what I thought of as the “usual” sort of venue—the kind where every fork and flower arrangement has been attended to by trained staff.

Related: 7 Reception DIYs for Brides On a Budget

But sister, let me share something with you: that vulnerability made way for a unique kind of joy. Through these reception preparations, I beheld visible signs of our loved ones’ love for us. I looked around that night and saw my godson enthusiastically learning the art of floral arrangement with some greenery tucked behind both ears like some preteen Caesar. I saw my father-in-law cheerfully traversing the grounds with a leaf blower, ensuring that the outdoor space looked neat and tidy. I met my future sister-in-law for the first time that night, and she jumped right in and hand-lettered the chalkboard by our cards and gifts table.

I realized, as I took it all in, that our loved ones were modelling God’s invitation to call upon Him.

No detail of our lives is too small—He wants to be included in it all. God wants us to know that we never have to do it all ourselves, and indeed, that we never can. He is the One from whom all blessings flow, who forgets not the smallest sparrow. After all, Christ’s first miracle was in response to His mother’s plea for help on behalf of another bride and groom, who found their stores of libations wanting. In my family’s generous response to our call for aid, they were helping us care for our guests just as Christ did at Cana. And when we re-entered our venue the next day as husband and wife, I felt a renewed sense of wonder and thanksgiving for the love that had transformed the space.

As you plan your wedding, I invite you to reflect on the true purpose of a “reception.” Remember that it is a celebration of God’s overflowing blessings upon you through the sacrament of marriage. Remember, too, that at this event, the two of you will receive guests for the first time as husband and wife. In the days and months leading up to your wedding, do not be afraid to humbly ask for help in preparing for this great feast. Let your loved ones know how much you appreciate them, and also let those unable to help with physical preparations know that you treasure their prayers just as much. Most of all, do not be afraid to bring the details to God in prayer.

Read more: When Your Reception is "Just" In the Church Hall

In the end, the idea of a “DIY reception” can be a dangerous illusion, for we can do nothing on our own. But when we learn to accept the help of loved ones and put our faith in God, we can trust in His power to provide for us. I can’t promise that the pace of your preparations won’t be harried, or that your best-laid plans won’t be thwarted in some unexpected way. But I can promise that, as you look back on your reception, what you’ll remember most is being surrounded by love.

About the Author: Mary is a Ph.D. in English candidate at Princeton University, where she is writing a dissertation on intercessory prayer and narratology in the Renaissance. She is also a Contributing Writer for Natural Womanhood. In her spare time, she can be found dreaming up recipes for her literary food blog, thelibrarykitchen.com. She and her husband live in their hometown of Cleveland, Ohio.

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Mourning a Mother, Becoming a Bride

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ADELAE ZAMBON

 

My mother made her own wedding dress, designing, constructing and piecing it together with her mother at their farmhouse dining room table. She was crafty like that.

As a little girl, I recall pouring over the thick leather-bound photo album sitting on the mahogany coffee table in our formal living room. Each framed image captured my young parents on their wedding day, my mother with the tiara from her own mother’s wedding ensemble and my dad with his boyish, youthful face and well-rested eyes. It seemed like the archetypal wedding, one I wanted mine to one day model.

From a young age, my mom taught me how to sew; first by hand and little by little I grew my way to the Husqvarna machine with its embroidery settings and foot pedal. As I made little aprons and elastic-waist skirts, my mom would lean over my shoulder guiding my hands as we directed the needle across the fibers of the fabric. I looked forward to working on an even bigger project with her one day: making my own wedding dress.

A woman always so generous with her time and talent, my mother was quick to offer her assistance and lend a helping hand. Whether it was altering the fit of bridesmaids dresses and hemming groomsmen suit pants for friends’ weddings or arranging flower bouquets for my cousin’s special day, her heart was one of service. I looked forward to sharing those moments with her one day preparing for my own wedding day.

Like many little girls, I dreamed of planning a wedding, preparing for marriage and making a home of my own. I had the Pinterest board and took mental notes of the lovely details with each wedding I attended over the years.

I saw friends before me go from boutique to boutique alongside their mom, grandmother and friends to find the right dress; I saw the photos on my social media feed of the mother-daughter venue visits, food tastings and planning luncheons to make wedding day decisions together. I looked forward to my turn to share the excitement of such a season with my own mother-of-the-bride. . .

When the day came, the joy of finding the man I would marry was such a pinnacle moment; one, though, that carried a cross at its peak. My mom was battling a terminal illness. The grief of this reality mixed with the joy of being engaged and preparing for marriage taught me the two could coexist: joy and sorrow.

Her ability to walk with me in this season was going to be different than we had both imagined. Suddenly, dreams were met with disappointments. Expectations encountered reality. The stepping stones to the altar I had hoped to share with my mom were not what I had seen others experience. Processing her illness and its manifold extenuating circumstances was heavy. Pairing that alongside detaching and grieving my mom’s full presence in this period of my life was too. Once more, I wanted to see my mom lean in, excitement illuminating her eyes, to guide me through every stitch formulating my impending new life as a wife.

Maybe you are going through something like this too? Maybe you are navigating a time that carries with it both blessing and sorrow. Maybe you’re taking steps into married life, grieving the one who first showed you what it meant to be a wife.

Maybe you’re experiencing the painful tension of walking alongside a loved one who is ill, comforting and caring for them, acknowledging the profound cross they are bearing, while also confronting your own personal grief caused by their suffering.

If you are, I see you. I’m praying for you. You are not alone.

Such pain is real and valid. The desire for your loved one to walk with you over the threshold into marriage is good. And it can be lonely to mourn your mother as you become a bride. Even if you are happy for others who didn’t have to endure the ache you’re living.

Nonetheless, your cross of suffering is real; the price of this surrender, sanctifying. I’ve been in those trenches and it is hard on the heart.

Name the hopes and dreams you once had about this engagement season. List them on a sheet of paper. See them for the valid disappointments they are. Tell the story of what you had hoped this time in your life would look like. The more tangible you allow these disappointments to be, the easier they are to let go. But first, let yourself mourn.

About the Author: Adelae Zambon is a “transplant Texan,” who met and married a Canadian singer-songwriter. Together they share a love for ministry and journeying with other couples into the healing, redemptive power of the Sacrament of Marriage. In her spare time, Adelae enjoys road trips punctuated by local coffee shop stops along the way. However, she will most often be found chasing a delightfully inquisitive toddler or savoring every moment of naptime for the space it offers her to write.

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