Navigating Financial Stress in Catholic Wedding Planning

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

Almost every decision you make regarding your wedding will affect the overall cost. For most couples, these expenses can significantly contribute to the feeling of stress leading up to the big day. 

Wedding planning and decision-making often come with certain expectations about what a wedding should have. You may feel pressured to include certain details or make a particular decision to appease those societal expectations. 

Not everyone is in the place to throw thousands of dollars at their wedding day without it causing some amount of stress. When making these decisions as an engaged couple it’s important to keep some things in mind when considering your expectations and your budget.

I Dos and Dont's: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Stewardship and the Practicals of Working Out Your Budget


Determine your priorities

First list out the most important details to you and your fiancé. What do you truly want to  include in your wedding day? Go from here and put your money first towards the decisions most important to you.

Continuously remind yourself why you are making all these decisions and go back to your priorities to see if your decisions are lining up with what you initially said was the most important to you as a couple.

Invite the Lord into the process

In prayer, ask the Lord to help guide your decision-making and ask Him to reveal what you need. Ask Him to help you not get caught up in society’s idea of the “perfect” wedding but rather, keep you focused on the reality of the sacrament you will soon experience.  

Prepare yourself that you can’t have it all

If you want to stick to your proposed budget, remind yourself that you can’t do and have everything you gush over on Pinterest or seen done by another couple. 

Appreciate the beautiful weddings you see but remind yourself that your wedding doesn’t have to look like someone else’s, and it will be even more beautiful if you come to terms with this and get excited about the things you do get to implement.

Related: Planning your dream wedding without breaking the bank

Whether you receive financial help for your wedding or not, weddings can be extremely expensive for just one day. A wedding celebration is of course deserving, but at what point does the focus on money and expensive details lead the couple and even the guests away from the reality of the sacrament?

Look to Saint John Chrysostom and keep his words from On Marriage and Family Life close to you as you make financial decisions regarding your wedding, “Money is everything now, and so everything has become corrupted and ruined, because we are possessed by this passion for money.” 

Don’t allow yourself to fall into the trap of consumerism. The value of your wedding isn’t determined by the size of your budget.

Aim to keep the first breath of your marriage pure, so that when you are preparing to walk down the aisle, you have a clear conscience about all the money that was put into your wedding day. 

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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Organizational Tips for Catholic Wedding Planning

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

Wedding planning, with all its small details and decisions, can feel overwhelming, especially if you don’t have some kind of organizational system.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Alex Krall Photography

Use these tips to help you and your fiancé stay organized and calm throughout the process. 

Make a designated wedding email. 

Make a designated wedding email that you can use to contact all your vendors to help keep all wedding-related communications in one place. 

Using your preferred email platform, create a new account and put both you and your fiancé’s name as the owner. You can then connect the email to both you and your fiancé’s phones or laptops so that you both have access to the account and can reference important emails and future vendor contracts all in one place.

Create a physical or digital binder

Consolidate your wedding planning dreams, documents, research, and more in a designated place. 

You can use Google docs if you like the convenience of a virtual document or in a binder if you prefer writing everything down. Here you can keep track of your research and make lists as they pop in your head.

If you are doing your research primarily on the computer, it would still benefit you to have a virtual document. This allows you to just copy and paste important links so that you don't have to have multiple tabs open at once and can reference your research as needed. 

In my experience creating a Gmail as your wedding email and using the Google apps (docs, sheets, etc.) can help you stay organized since everything is all in one place and easy to use/access. It also allows you to share documents with other Google users with ease, so you can grant access to different people that are a part of your wedding, like your fiancé or members of your wedding party.

Communicate clearly with your bridal party. 

If you choose to have a wedding party, you will want to keep them updated on important information. Let them know your expectations and what you see their role as (what they will be wearing, if you want them to throw you a bridal shower and/or bachelorette party, etc.). 

Every wedding is different, and every bride has a different vision for her bridal party. Consider writing a note to your bridesmaids once you ask them to take part in your special day and share with them your vision for your wedding and their role in it. 

Details can always change, but communicating with them throughout the process can benefit both you and them. In articulating the vision for your day, it will give you a clearer picture for your day and it helps you and your fiancé to organize your thoughts and ideas in order to relay them to others.

Break things down. 

Research the typical order of details for planning a wedding (when to book certain vendors, when to send out invitations, etc.), then make a rough month to month checklist of what ‘should’ be done each month leading up to the wedding. 

Spoken Bride offers a comprehensive guide that features expertly curated checklists for a distinctively Catholic engagement, ceremony, and reception. 


You don’t have to stress over doing each item exactly as the checklist lays out, but having a list will help you and your fiancé prioritize and plan efficiently. 

Once you complete things on your list it’s not only satisfying to cross them off but it’s also an exciting countdown because each month that passes is one month closer to your big day!

Take it one day at a time

Most importantly take wedding planning one day at a time. 

If you try to plan everything at once, it will all feel more intense than it should. 

Remember to continually bring everything to God, asking for direction, and making decisions and both you and your fiancé feel comfortable making even if that means prolonging a decision to discern what is best when looking at the grand scheme of things.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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More Uniquely Catholic Wedding Favors

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

Couples often choose to express their gratitude for their wedding guests by giving out favors at the reception. 

While not a necessity, favors can provide personal touches to your wedding day and can serve as special mementos for your guests. Below you will find, some uniquely Catholic favors for your wedding reception or bridal shower:

Spiritual Bouquet

Shower your guests with prayer by giving them a spiritual bouquet of sorts on your wedding day. 

Offer mass, pray a novena or another devotion during your engagement for the guests that will attend your wedding. Then make note of this on a sign somewhere in the reception area or give them a small card telling them that you remembered them and their intentions in your prayers. 

Make a donation

In place of a traditional favor, make a donation in the name of your wedding guests to an organization that you and your fiancé want to support. Note this donation on a sign where guests walk into/out of the reception hall, on the table numbers, or the placement cards, etc.

Read more: Uniquely Catholic Wedding Favors


Your favorite treat

You can show your love and thanks to your wedding guests by going above and beyond to extend your hospitality during your wedding day. Food in particular is a good place to start. 

For your wedding favor, consider giving out you and your fiancé’s favorite candy, snack, dessert, etc. This way you can personalize the favor so it has more meaning to you and your fiancé but can also be something that most people would like to eat or snack on at the end of the wedding celebrations.

Flowers

Flowers (or flower seeds) make a good option for wedding favors, especially if you have a lot of local guests coming to your reception. Many flowers also contain a rich Catholic symbolism and can provide a beautiful touch to your guests’ homes. 

If you choose to DIY your bouquets or centerpieces and have a bunch of vases/flowers leftover, you can write a note to your guests in the reception hall that they can take the flowers home as their favor. You can also thrift glasses or collect bottles/jars to use as vases for a thriftier option. 

When deciding on favors, try to think about meaningful gifts that you can share with your guests. Don’t be afraid to think outside of the box. Offer favors that reflect you and your fiancé while also showing your guests that you appreciate them.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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Growing in Virtue When Planning a Wedding

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CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

I love that sentence, because it leaves no room for mistaking that a virtuous life is one in which we distance ourselves from the "stuff" of life and focus only on otherworldly things. No - the voice of the Catechism, echoing the voice of Christ to us, helps us realize that really seeking virtue will integrate our natural lives in this fallen world and the divine life of God. 

The more virtue we possess, the easier it becomes to live in relationship with the Holy Trinity in the actual circumstances of our days. And that's a relationship that involves the fullness of who we are - body and soul. 

We express it through concrete actions we make, experiencing it sensorially and spiritually.

Seeking to live in this way is at the heart of everything for a Christian. It matters for our whole life long. But in a particular way, I think this sentence can hold special meaning during the unique season that is wedding planning. It's such a clear time in which we can recognize the impact of virtue. 

The process of planning our wedding involves many decisions to be made about tangible things, but those things have so much spiritual and emotional significance. We have to take concrete actions along with our fiancé and our families to choose the good, discerning what that looks like practically in terms of our wedding celebration and perhaps reception.

If you find yourself in this season, know that God desires to give you His life of grace to help you live it with virtue. Consider that line from the Catechism, spoken over you.

The virtuous bride tends toward the good with all her sensory and spiritual powers. She pursues the good and chooses it in concrete actions.

What does that mean for you, as a bride?

Here are four specific virtues which I think can be especially valuable for the bride-to-be, who is longing to pursue and choose the good as she plans her wedding:


Prudence

Prudence - the ability for us to discern clearly what the true good is in a given situation and choose it, or choose the things that will help us achieve it. Prudence is the virtue which helps us to put our right reason into action.

Temperance

Temperance - the ability to seek what is pleasurable in moderation and with discretion, helping us to use created goods in a balanced and healthy way. It's the virtue that draws our desires up into our understanding of the greatest good - closeness with God.

Hope

Hope - the desire for heaven and eternal life as the true source of our happiness. It's the virtue that puts our longing to be happy in its rightful place - the heart of God. Hope keeps us from looking for satisfaction only in the world before us and so keeps us from discouragement when those things don't fulfill or satisfy our hearts.

Love

Love - the choice to love God above all things and through that love of Him, love ourselves and others. It's the virtue that shapes everything, motivating and animating all we do. Love gives us purpose, and also exists as our goal and desire.

To read more about the virtues, explore Paragraphs 1803 - 1845 in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

These and all other virtues expand our capacity to live fully and freely. That’s the kind of goodness God wants for us in the season of wedding planning and always.

Take time to ask God to fill you with these graces, to gift them to you for the good of this season you're living and for your future life. There is no shortage of opportunity to put them into action in the days leading up to a wedding, and that itself can be a gift.

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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How to Include an Outside Musician in your Wedding Mass

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SOPHIE GRAF

 

Using the music director and cantor provided by your ceremony location  is important to the flow of the Mass, but did you know it’s also possible to include outside musicians in your wedding ceremony? 

Here are six tips on how to do so. 

Keep an open line of communication between yourself, the church music director, and the outside musician(s). 

This is key, especially if the outside musician hasn’t worked with your music director before, isn’t Catholic, or doesn’t have extensive  experience playing for wedding ceremonies in the context of the Mass.

If possible, find a Catholic musician. 

A practicing Catholic will know the structure of the Mass, what music is appropriate when, and exactly when to start playing. They will also be able to participate fully in the Mass by saying the responses, singing with the congregation when they’re not playing, and knowing when to sit, stand, and kneel. Plus, they will probably pray for you and your marriage! 

Your music director likely has a list of musicians he or she recommends, but don’t be afraid to look for one on your own, especially if you’d like to include an instrument that’s not on the director’s list. Include search terms like “(Catholic) wedding [instrument] in [city]” and similar in your research.

Look for a musician with a music list specifically for Catholic weddings…

...Or make sure all selections are approved by your church music director. Musicians who regularly play for secular ceremonies will have a wide range of music available, yet since most pop music is not appropriate for the Mass, it’s helpful to find a musician familiar with Catholic  selections. Never fear though--you can always include pop music during the reception!

Related: 3 Tips for Choosing Your Mass Music

Consider  how you’d like the outside musician to work with the church musicians. 

Do you want your outside musician to play along with the church music director/cantor, or would it make more sense to split up the playing between the church musicians and the outside musician? 

Single-line melody instruments such as the flute, violin, or trumpet sound better with other instruments supporting them, whereas multi-note instruments such as the harp, or a group of musicians such as a string trio or quartet often sound better alone. 

Quieter instruments such as the harp can often be covered up by the piano or organ and so might benefit from playing solo, whereas the trumpet is loud enough that it will still be heard above an organ with all of its stops open! 

Your outside musician will advise you on the best strategy to take advantage of her instrument’s particular sound. Keep in mind that if your outside musician is playing with church musicians they haven’t worked with before, she might need  a rehearsal that will require an extra fee.However, outside musicians are likely able to play well-known religious selections, such as the Ave Maria, with only a brief rehearsal before the Mass.

Do you want your outside musician to play throughout the whole Mass? 

You may only want music during moments of transitions in the mass, like the prelude, the processional, the presentation of the gifts, and the recessional. Or you may want to incorporate music throughout the mass like the Psalm, the Alleluia, and the mass parts during the Eucharistic prayer. Understanding what your vision for your wedding mass is important when choosing a musician.

Again, this is something that the outside musician can advise you on. Some musicians, especially those who play regularly at Sunday Mass, are comfortable playing a complete Mass, whereas others (especially those who would have to write or arrange Mass parts for their instrument) are less familiar. 

A full Mass includes 2-3 times the amount of music usually used in a secular ceremony, so be prepared for a higher quote than a secular ceremony. Some musicians charge slightly different amounts depending on how much music they actually play, so make sure to ask about that if your budget is tight. 

Don’t forget about the business-y details. 

An outside musician will likely have his  own contract and will probably be paid directly by you, not by the church. Make sure you understand the contract and process, as it may be different than the church’s.

Bonus tip: If you’re thinking about including friends or family members as ceremony musicians, carefully consider their qualifications. Some very well might be qualified – but some professional musicians have a policy of only working with musicians who have a degree in music or experience in music ministry to avoid any difficult  situations. 

And above all, don’t plan on singing at your own wedding! There will likely be too many emotions for you to give a performance you are proud of. Choosing musicians you trust can relieve a lot of the stress surrounding wedding music planning--you’ll be thankful for their professionalism when the big day arrives.

So please, don’t be afraid to hire an outside musician. You and your guests will enjoy a little something special and we Catholic musicians will love being part of a wedding that truly embodies God’s plan for marriage!

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About the Author: Sophie Graf is a freelance harpist based in her hometown of San Diego. She enjoys a lively business performing for secular weddings but treasures the opportunity to perform as part of a Catholic wedding. Please pray that she gets hired for more!

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Re-Defining DIY: Prayerfully Including God and Family in Reception Details

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MARY FAGAN

 

On the eve of our wedding, my husband and I weren’t at our rehearsal dinner. No mishap had occurred—it’s just that the event had taken place across town the day before. That night, we were dressed in jeans and t-shirts, preparing our reception venue with a small army of loved ones.

He rigged up twinkle lights above the patio dance floor with a groomsman, and I disentangled the baby’s breath with my bridesmaids. On a nearby banquet table, my sister decorated the stunning wedding cake she’d baked for us, and in the next room aunts, uncles, and friends rinsed rented dishes and ironed tablecloths. My parents, undeterred by the many details to be arranged, were somehow everywhere at once.

Looking back, I remember being humbled that it wasn’t possible to “do it all ourselves” at this DIY reception. I also recall being a bit embarrassed to ask so many people to help us in this way, instead of inviting them to relax before the big day. I feared that I was taking advantage of their generosity. If I’m being honest, I was also self-conscious that we didn’t have the budget for what I thought of as the “usual” sort of venue—the kind where every fork and flower arrangement has been attended to by trained staff.

Related: 7 Reception DIYs for Brides On a Budget

But sister, let me share something with you: that vulnerability made way for a unique kind of joy. Through these reception preparations, I beheld visible signs of our loved ones’ love for us. I looked around that night and saw my godson enthusiastically learning the art of floral arrangement with some greenery tucked behind both ears like some preteen Caesar. I saw my father-in-law cheerfully traversing the grounds with a leaf blower, ensuring that the outdoor space looked neat and tidy. I met my future sister-in-law for the first time that night, and she jumped right in and hand-lettered the chalkboard by our cards and gifts table.

I realized, as I took it all in, that our loved ones were modelling God’s invitation to call upon Him.

No detail of our lives is too small—He wants to be included in it all. God wants us to know that we never have to do it all ourselves, and indeed, that we never can. He is the One from whom all blessings flow, who forgets not the smallest sparrow. After all, Christ’s first miracle was in response to His mother’s plea for help on behalf of another bride and groom, who found their stores of libations wanting. In my family’s generous response to our call for aid, they were helping us care for our guests just as Christ did at Cana. And when we re-entered our venue the next day as husband and wife, I felt a renewed sense of wonder and thanksgiving for the love that had transformed the space.

As you plan your wedding, I invite you to reflect on the true purpose of a “reception.” Remember that it is a celebration of God’s overflowing blessings upon you through the sacrament of marriage. Remember, too, that at this event, the two of you will receive guests for the first time as husband and wife. In the days and months leading up to your wedding, do not be afraid to humbly ask for help in preparing for this great feast. Let your loved ones know how much you appreciate them, and also let those unable to help with physical preparations know that you treasure their prayers just as much. Most of all, do not be afraid to bring the details to God in prayer.

Read more: When Your Reception is "Just" In the Church Hall

In the end, the idea of a “DIY reception” can be a dangerous illusion, for we can do nothing on our own. But when we learn to accept the help of loved ones and put our faith in God, we can trust in His power to provide for us. I can’t promise that the pace of your preparations won’t be harried, or that your best-laid plans won’t be thwarted in some unexpected way. But I can promise that, as you look back on your reception, what you’ll remember most is being surrounded by love.

About the Author: Mary is a Ph.D. in English candidate at Princeton University, where she is writing a dissertation on intercessory prayer and narratology in the Renaissance. She is also a Contributing Writer for Natural Womanhood. In her spare time, she can be found dreaming up recipes for her literary food blog, thelibrarykitchen.com. She and her husband live in their hometown of Cleveland, Ohio.

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Setting the Date for a Catholic Wedding

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

You just got engaged and are eagerly waiting to set the date. 

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If you are struggling or hesitant to finally set the date, consider these tips to help guide your discernment.

Not all dates are equal.

When choosing a date, it’s important to consider what time of year you want to get married during and why. This allows you and your future spouse to consider dates that make sense without it feeling too random and is important especially if you are planning to invite more than just your immediate families. 

Don’t go overboard with considering each one of your guests, but it might help to try and think about what most of your guests might be doing during that time of year.

Ultimately, it’s up to you and your fiancé and what works best for you two in your current state of life, so if your date doesn’t work for everyone, that’s okay! Choose a date, not only because you like the date or because it’s a month sooner but because it makes sense for you as a couple and ultimately gives you a lasting sense of peace.

You don’t have to get married on a Saturday.

With the exception of Good Friday and Holy Saturday, the Catholic Church allows couples to get married any day of the week, including Sundays. Just remember to consider the availability of your guests and reach out to your parish to make sure whatever day you are thinking of will work for them. 

For more Catholic wedding planning help, check out the Spoken Bride archives. 


Keep the Liturgical season in mind. 

Consider the Liturgical season in which you’d like to get married as they carry significance for Catholics. 

For instance, the Advent and Lenten seasons are times for reflection and anticipation of the feast that’s to come, so although couples are allowed to get married during this time, it is something to be aware of. 

If you do plan to have your wedding during one of the penitential seasons, despite the more subdued tone, your wedding can still be a joyful celebration similar to how we still observe major feast days during Lent.         

You might also consider getting married during the festive seasons of Christmas or Easter.

You can have a Sunday wedding.

Sunday weddings can be a wonderful option for those couples who still want to get married on the weekend but are trying to save a little money. 

Since Saturdays are currently the most popular day for weddings, you may notice that some vendors have a discounted price for their services on other days of the week, sometimes including Friday and Sunday. This isn’t a hard and fast rule though so be sure to do some research for the venues and other vendors you are considering. 

Another note about having a Nuptial Mass for a Sunday wedding (and on some of the other major feasts in the Church) is that the couple may not be able to choose the readings for the Liturgy of the Word since it doubles as a Sunday Mass or a solemnity. 

Again, check with the Church where you plan to get married because there may be some other restrictions due the priest’s schedule or a conflict with another Church service or event.

Choosing a date can feel overwhelming, and it can be exhausting responding to all those family and friends who ask if you have a date yet. But it’s okay to take your time in deciding. It’s better to have a date that you’ve really thought about and feel at peace with than to rush the process.

So long as you keep your focus on what’s important, asking the Lord for guidance, you can put your trust in the Lord that everything will work out in His timing.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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Questions to Ask When Deciding on a Photographer for Your Catholic Wedding

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GRACE BROWN

 

After my husband proposed, we knew we wanted to get married before he moved across the country for six months of military training (and I stayed behind in Texas to finish up college). This set our wedding planning timeline at just under three months! 

Once we solidified our plans for a beautiful ceremony and reception, I realized it was just as important to me that we captured those moments and memories from our wedding day! With only a couple months before the big day, I scoured the internet for everything I needed to consider when hiring a wedding photographer.

For many couples (including myself), selecting the perfect wedding photographer can be mind-boggling. How can you know you have chosen the right professional to document your big day while you’re busy enjoying it? After extensive research into wedding photographers, I was blessed with a fantastic experience, but, unfortunately, I have good friends whose experience was disappointing! But don’t worry!

Whether you have three months or three years to search for your dream wedding photographer, the following questions will help you understand what you most desire in a photographer and, ultimately, to make a confident, informed decision.

What am I looking for out of my wedding photos?

Professional photographers have their art down: beautifully framing and capturing every aspect of your wedding day, and delivering photos that will delight you for years.

Before sifting through specific wedding photographers in your area it’s helpful to clarify your own preferences!

Are you in love with candid giggling photos of bridesmaids or posed pictures all in a row (or a mix of both)? What’s the setting like at your ceremony and reception venues (such as an outdoor reception or indoor formal church ceremony)? What aesthetic do you want from your final pictures--do you prefer light and airy style edits or more dramatic shots?

Save lots of images on Pinterest that capture the style you’re drawn to, and look for common patterns. Identifying what you love helps you find a photo that complements your venue, decor, and wedding style. 

Once you know the look you’re going for, start sifting through wedding photography portfolios online. I highly recommend checking out Spoken Bride’s Catholic Vendor Guide, The Knot, and Facebook to begin your search. 

Does this photographer’s portfolio fit the aesthetic and quality we’re seeking?

A photographer’s online work offers a solid understanding of their best captures, edits, and poses. Do your prospective photographers’ portfolios reflect the work you’re looking for, and do they have experience with weddings, rather than other genres of photography? 

Photographers familiar with Catholic weddings will already know that certain moments can differ from secular weddings. For example, the priest probably won’t say ‘you may now kiss the bride’ after the Rite of Marriage. Instead, the couple’s first kiss might happen at the sharing of the Sign of Peace--it’s alright to have a respectful, inviting conversation with your photographer about their familiarity with Catholic weddings and important moments during the liturgy.

As with any service, it’s wise to hear from wedding photographers’ past clients through online reviews: were they happy with their experience and images? Did the photographer fulfill their services according to his or her contract? 

Once you’ve found several photographers whose work sparks joy and aligns with your preferences, then you can start assessing their work process:

How would my dream photographer deliver the photos?

Photographers are service providers with a variety of offerings. In addition to matters like the cost of a package, the number of hours booked, number of photographers present, and any complimentary sessions (like a bridal or engagement shoot), I encourage you to pay attention to one matter in particular: How, and for what investment, are photos delivered? 

In other words, does your package include just shooting, editing, and digital delivery, or does it include additional fees for purchasing physical prints or albums? For budgeting purposes and to envision the final images you’ll hang in your home or display in an album, it’s helpful to clarify delivery and extra print items up front. 

Should I find a duo or team of photographers?

While a single photographer can absolutely capture the most important moments of your wedding day, depending on the size and location logistics of your wedding, you might want to consider a photography team or a photographer whose package includes a second shooter. 

In order to capture both bridesmaids and groomsmen getting ready at separate locations, as well as the large crowd at our reception, I opted for a vendor who offered two photographers. 

Does this photographer make me feel comfortable?

Taking photos on your wedding day shouldn’t feel like a hassle or super unnatural and neither should finding the best wedding photographer for you! A fantastic photographer makes you genuinely laugh while suggesting poses and keeping you informed about what pictures they’re taking.

You’ll be 100% confident they’re capturing every special moment of your wedding day--and they’ll be enjoying themselves, too! Find a photographer whose personality works well with yours and who is genuinely interested in helping your wedding day run smoothly and peacefully.

I hope these questions offer you clarity in what you want out of your wedding photos, as well as what to discuss before booking your photographer. Godspeed in your wedding planning!

About the Author: Grace Elaine Brown is a Presbyterian to Anglican to Catholic convert who likes musicals, whiskey, writing, and watching the rain. She’s been married for over two years to a country-singin’ United States Marine, Caleb, with whom she is expecting her first baby in July!

Grace is also the creator of the Catholic homemaking blog, Graceful, which shares her journey as a young married lady striving to be Catholic in this not-so-moral world in which we’ve been planted.

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Freely Making Decisions in the Wedding Planning Process

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

Today’s wedding culture has a loud voice. It tells us what to do, what not to do, who to do these things with, who not to do things with, etc.

It can be overwhelming trying to learn about all the to-dos and not-to-dos especially right after you get engaged. Not all of us are wedding planners and just because you are engaged doesn’t mean you have now been bestowed with all the knowledge you need to plan the “wedding of your dreams.” 

Wedding planning takes time and if you don’t want to dive into all the details for yourself, it’s easy to fall into an outsider's vision of your wedding day.

Your wedding day is not only going to be one of the most significant days in your life, but also an extremely personal day. 

Unfortunately, the culture surrounding weddings and the brokenness of our world has turned this immensely personal day into a particular production that ‘requires’ a strict following of the proper ways to do things. 

Sure, people may tell you to do whatever you want, but deep down you might discover that this encouragement is tainted by a disordered understanding of what a wedding should be.

I’m not suggesting that every tradition and standard for a modern wedding is bad and needs to be purified, but rather, I am trying to point out that there is often a disconnect between the couple and their free choice in deciding how to go about making decisions for their wedding. 

Some couples may never realize the motives behind their decisions while wedding planning because the wedding culture is so pervasive. Oftentimes we just do what others tell us and never question why. You can make decisions that reflect who you and your fiancé are, even if you don’t follow every tradition or social norm.

A major key to all this is for you to be honest with yourself. Consider why you want certain elements and people included in your wedding and why you want to incorporate certain traditions. 

Try and have an answer for everything. Sometimes your answer is more of a feeling, and that’s okay, but really thinking about these things might make you realize that there is a real reason behind your feelings. 

So often we make decisions on autopilot (with a ‘it’s just what you do’ mentality), but seriously ask yourself why you want that bachelorette party, if you really want to invite that person or if they made the guest list because you felt bad, etc. This is not to encourage you to fall into an obsessive self-centeredness when making decisions, but rather an invitation to step back and examine your reasoning and motive behind them. 

Making decisions because you want to make them is much more liberating than deciding out of guilt or pressure. 

You may face some decisions that will be made harder knowing that some people will try to change your mind or will make comments that could make you feel unworthy or ignorant. Remember, however, that those opinions and loud voices will die down over time. And if these decisions are made freely with good reason, you will feel so much peace knowing that you welcomed the Lord to guide you.

An important note to add however is to try not to confuse the Lord’s promptings with our feelings. To do this, there needs to be constant prayer and discernment in each decision and to remain always open. 

Doubt is a real thing, so never make a rash decision based on confusion or desperation. This will help you avoid being overly scrupulous.

Wedding planning is no joke, and it can take a toll on you, so give yourself grace and time. Talk things over with your fiancé and people you trust. Bring yourself back to your ultimate purpose and have faith that all the work you both are doing is for a reason. So long as you are open to the direction of the Lord, you can be at peace even if every moment is not peaceful.

Once you can see your wedding day as something greater than a to-do list and you begin to make decisions that reflect you and your fiancé’s personality and values, you will notice the difference.

You will be able to identify the why behind your decisions, freeing you from the weight of comparison and feeling like you have to do everything and do it all the ‘right’ way. 

You can make decisions in a way that reflects who you are without checking all the boxes or including every tradition. 

Know yourself and ask Our Lord for clarity and guidance as you make decisions and for the courage and fortitude to listen to Him so to be able to trust in the process.

Wedding planning requires you to make decision after decision, so ask for these graces early and consistently, and bring yourself back to these petitions so as to keep you in the Lord’s company. If you are open to receiving these graces, the Lord will reveal the truth to you so that you may have the freedom to make decisions with confidence in Him.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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Entrusting Your Marriage to Our Blessed Mother

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HANNAH HOLLCRAFT

 

It is no secret that Our Blessed Mother Mary is an important figure in the Catholic Church.

She is a powerful intercessor, a source of guidance, and our greatest example of sainthood. Countless saints proclaim the goodness of devotion to her, the devil flees from her, and she considers us her dearly beloved children.

You can honor Our Blessed Mother on your wedding day in countless ways, including consecrating your marriage to her.

Marian consecration is an ancient tradition of entrusting oneself completely to Jesus through the maternal care of Mary. We give ourselves fully to Mary so she can help to form us in the image of Christ her Son. Belonging fully to her we can belong more fully to the Lord.

When we consecrate our marriages to Our Blessed Mother we are handing over to her our vocations, our spouses, and ourselves entirely. We are surrendering our bodies, minds, possessions, works and all we are to her protection, guidance, and intercession. 

What better way to safeguard your marriage than to totally entrust it to the care of the Mother of God who loves you and wants your marriage to be happy, holy, and healthy in every way?

In our single lives both my husband, Joshua, and I made our own Marian consecrations. They had lasting impacts on each of us. Through her we experienced healing, joy, and deeper conversion. She was a guiding star for us and we both feel it was her love and attention that ultimately led us to one another.

We knew shortly after getting engaged that we wanted to entrust our marriage entirely to Our Lady on our wedding day. We wanted to honor her as our Mother for all the ways she cared for us and to offer ourselves anew as we entered our vocation; we chose a Marian feast day to get married on and set aside the thirty-three days before our wedding for prayer with Our Blessed Mother.

I found this intentional time walking with Our Lady before marriage to be particularly intimate and eye opening. Just like so many women around me were helping me to prepare the details of my wedding like flowers, decorations, and dresses,  Mary was there too. She was helping to prepare my heart, reminding me what it truly means to be beautiful, to be a bride, to be a daughter of God. 

As the days got closer and last minute adjustments had to be made she was there reminding me that the day of my wedding was not about everything being perfect. Rather, it was about the love Joshua and I have for each other and celebrating that with jubilant thanksgiving regardless of who couldn't make it or the craziness of being a ‘Covid-bride.’

Walking with Mary was a great way of preparing in the final days of engagement. 

We took time on our own to read and pray each day. We would share any reflections we might have had and pray the “Ave Maria Stella” as a couple each evening. 

During our wedding Mass we brought flowers to an image of Our Lady of Guadelupe and knelt to pray our Act of Consecration together. We altered St. Louis Marie de Montfort's consecration prayer slightly using ‘we’ and ‘us’ rather than ‘I.’ Because this version of the consecration prayer is long we did the first half on our own the morning of our wedding and the second half together during the Mass itself.

There are lots of styles of Marian consecrations to choose from. We chose the one written in the 1600s by St. Louis de Montfort but there is a simpler version that is very popular called 33 Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael Gaitly, a nine day version by St. Maximilian Kolbe, or one which journeys with St. John Paul II. 

Each of these will provide you with readings for reflection and certain prayers to pray each day to help you to prepare yourself to make this great entrustment to Our Blessed Mother. Whatever you choose I would suggest purchasing a physical book or printing out the materials so you can have them on hand throughout the thirty-three days.

Marian consecration is not something you can only do on your wedding day! Any married couple or individual can choose to make a Marian consecration. Our Lady’s arms are always open to welcome us into deeper devotion so she can in turn lead us closer to her Son. If you are interested in learning more about Marian consecration check out the book True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis Marie de Montfort.

I am confident that if you choose to consecrate your marriage to the Mother of God you will be abundantly blessed in ways you never expected. 

May her maternal love guide you to heaven and make you more like her Son. 

Gratefully, Totus Tuus Maria.

About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.

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Healing + Wholeness: The Fruits of Couseling in Your Marriage

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CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

Six years ago, I was engaged, freshly graduated from college, and had moved back to my hometown - living a state away from my husband-to-be. 

We walked through marriage prep and wedding planning long distance, visiting each other on the weekends and navigating our first jobs all the while. I had begun grad school classes in the evening. Some significant and difficult experiences were happening within my family at the time. 

I felt that in many ways I was living poised for a future that wasn't quite here yet, in a whirlwind of life happening with each step forward towards my wedding day. For all its glory and all its challenges, I can look back on that time now with gratitude and tenderness and see the gift that it was and the growth that happened in its course.

A significant part of that growth came because during that year, I went to counseling for the first time. I can't remember what exactly it was that finally prompted me to Google search Christian counselors near me one night. 

I do remember, in fact, feeling unsure that I had enough that I needed to "work through" to make counseling worth it - I mean, would it be fruitful? Would it be a waste of time and money? Would the counselor laugh in my face because I didn't even really know I was there? I wasn't sure. 

Were you to have asked me at that moment, I would hardly have been able to tell you if I thought I needed any real healing. But I did know there was a lot happening, and that it might be nice to talk it through with someone. So I called, and a few weeks later went for my first counseling session.

It was, in fact, worth every penny and sacrifice of time. 

Far from laughing in my face, the counselor whose client I became was patient and tenderhearted, listening attentively and inviting me to press more deeply into the circumstances of life so I could consider how they were impacting my understanding of myself and others, even God, and how that in turn affected my thoughts and actions in relationships. 

It was a pivotal time for me to begin this exploration, because so much of our experiences in relationships have to do with how we perceive things and where our motivation lies. Uncovering, with the help of this beautiful counselor, some of the wounded areas of my heart helped me to gain perspective so as to not be ruled by them. It gave me real things to bring to Christ in my life of prayer and ask for his healing presence to transform.

She helped me untangle intrusive thoughts that did not serve to prepare me for marriage, or live in a healthy way during that time. She listened with no agenda to help me with wedding planning, give me her take on married life, or critique my decisions. She mostly listened. She offered strategies to help me with anxiety and gave me a clearer language with which to express what was happening for me emotionally. Many a conversation during a weekend visit with my fiancée was spent sharing what I had talked about in counseling. It truly blessed us both.

I share all this to say that if you have found yourself considering counseling even in the slightest way, I truly believe it will never be a waste. I can see clearly from the vantage point of where I stand in marriage now, how my experience in counseling during engagement blessed me not only in the moment but for the years to come. 

Any time you spend on the kind of healing work that often happens in the context of counseling will serve you well, and in turn will serve your beloved – who shares life with you in a most intimate way.


Some of Good Fruit of Counseling that has been invaluable in my Marriage: 

• Time and space to examine my hopes, fears, expectations

• A third/objective party to whom I could bring my experiences to gain perspective, who has no agenda besides supporting me and helping me find healthy ways to live

• Practice in self-expression and unpacking emotions – learning how to share what’s happening internally in an understandable way

• Practice challenging assumptions made about others and becoming curious in the face of my reactions

• Practical tips, solutions, and practices to bring into my lived experience • A richer vocabulary to use when sharing my experiences

• The ability to be much more patient and gentle with myself and others

Read more: Pre-marital Counseling: The Wedding Gift that Keeps on Giving.

Counseling has blessed me in innumerable ways. But those are a few that felt worth sharing because of how meaningfully they’ve integrated into my vocation and helped me in my relationship with my husband. Part of the beauty of counseling is that it is fully ordered towards healing and wholeness, just like our vocation. Marriage, at its best, helps us to heal and find restoration so that we can ultimately be prepared for the eternal relationship of heaven.

I was recently rereading the book Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Fr. Jaques Philippe and was struck by some of his words, which I feel capture what I mean to say about the experience of counseling with real clarity and understanding.

"We often live with this illusion. With the impression that all would go better, we would like the things around us to change, that the circumstances would change. But this is often an error. It is not the exterior circumstances that must change; it is above all our hearts that must change. They must be purified of their withdrawal into themselves, of their sadness, of their lack of hope".

Counseling can be a great tool to bring about renewal in our hearts by way of healing in our mind. It can be such a force for good in our lives and our vocations, offering hope and peace.

If you’re looking for a counselor who shares your Catholic faith, consider searching in your area on www.catholictherapists.com/ or check out the Marriage and Family Therapists on Spoken Bride’s Vendor Guide.

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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Gift Ideas for Catholic Bridesmaids

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The custom of giving gifts to your bridesmaids has grown more common in recent years, due in part to it becoming less common for couples to cover the expenses of the bridal party. 

While these gifts are certainly not necessary, it is a thoughtful way to express your gratitude for these women, their friendship, and their presence as you enter the vocation of marriage. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: PILLAR & PEARL

PHOTOGRAPHY: PILLAR & PEARL

Looking for gift ideas for a Catholic bridesmaid? Consider these unique suggestions: 

Religious wedding day jewelry 

A common gift for bridesmaids today is jewelry. Whether you want your bridesmaids’ accessories to match or you want to pick something unique for each person, jewelry is a great option to help your ladies look and feel beautiful on your wedding day.

Put a Catholic spin on this traditional gift idea by choosing religious-themed jewelry pieces like a rosary Bracelet, a saint medal necklace, or a miraculous medal ring.   

Shawls

Shawls over a gown creates an elegant look for bridesmaids, especially in the colder months. This gift can also serve a functional purpose if the church has a dress code for weddings (ie. shoulders must be covered). 

Shawls can also double as scarves post-wedding so your bridesmaids can use them again and again. 

Blessed candle

Some brides like to give something that their bridesmaids can relax with and enjoy back home like scented candles. Have your priest bless cute and/or fragrant candles so they can also be lit during moments of prayerful silence.

Related: Uniquely Catholic Wedding Favors

Religious-Made Goods

Many monasteries and convents around the world specialize in hand making items like coffee, cheese, jam, wine, soaps, and more. 

You can put a few religious-made goods in a small gift basket for them to enjoy during wedding weekend and beyond. You can also pair these items with products made by Catholic small businesses like mugs, tumblers, stickers, or candles for a religious-themed gift that builds up the whole Church. 

Handwritten letter 

If you have a particularly tight budget but still want to express your gratitude to your gals, a handwritten letter or thank you note is a meaningful gift that doesn’t cost a dime!

Taking the time to express your love and appreciation in writing is a special way to affirm your dearest friends and practice hospitality during your wedding. Make this gift even more spiritually edifying by tucking a prayer card into the envelope along with your letter.

The Spoken Bride vendor guide features many talented Catholic artists and craftsmen and can help you find other gift, art, jewelry, and photo options for your bridal party.

Community Shares | Incorporating Prayer into Your Wedding Day

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Invite a spirit of prayerfulness into your wedding day but intentionally incorporating moments of intercession and thanksgiving with your (soon-to-be) husband, your parents, bridesmaids, and even your guests. 

This week, we asked members of the Spoken Bride Community how they incorporated prayer into their wedding day, and here’s what they had to say: 

I prayed a Divine Mercy chaplet with my bridesmaids before the wedding. During the Nuptial Mass, our priest allowed us to lead the Litany of Trust after the vows, since that prayer was deeply meaningful to us. At the reception, a priest friend led the blessing. Finally, and maybe most importantly, we prayed together, just the two of us, after the wedding.  // Siobhan O.

My husband and I had our confessions heard after our wedding rehearsal, before driving to the dinner, and prayed our penances side by side in the empty chapel. I remember feeling so overcome, like, "this is it," and such peace and anticipation. We also read through the readings for our liturgy in the days leading up to the wedding, which I really loved. We used Tobit 8, Eph. 5, and the Wedding Feast at Cana. // Stephanie C.

I prayed the rosary with three of my bridesmaids the morning of our wedding. We also concluded a novena  we had put together for our wedding, on our wedding day. Instead of a "first look" we met in the back of the church with the confessional doors between us to pray the final prayer of our novena together. It was a really special moment to be able to hold each other's hands and pray together before walking down the aisle. // Catherine B. 

My husband and I went to confession together early in the morning before the day's festivities began––I loved being able to say our vows with a completely clean heart and felt much more prepared to enter into our marriage. We also prayed in front of the Marian statue after communion together and had several holy friends of ours pray over us at the reception. It was such a gift to have many quiet moments of prayer with my new husband as well as celebrating our joy through prayer with loved ones. // Carissa P. 

My friends surprised me with a spiritual bouquet and at some point my mom gave me a blessing. At the reception we had a friend and groomsman lead everyone in the blessing before meals. And this was my favorite: when we got back to our hotel room my hubby had a reading from Tobit that we read together and prayed before we had some fun. // Andi C. 

Searching for an intimate and authentic community of like-minded Catholic brides as you plan for your wedding and to cover you and your special day in prayer as you enter your vocation? Come join the Spoken Bride Community. ⁠⁠

Choosing the Readings for Your Wedding Mass

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CARISSA PLUTA

 

Choosing the scripture readings for your wedding mass might be a surprising detail about your wedding day that needs your attention, but it can also be one of the most spiritually edifying parts of the planning process. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURA-ANNE SMID

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURA-ANNE SMID

According to The Order for Celebrating Matrimony, which contains the ritual text used by the celebrant, the Liturgy of the Word should express “...the importance of Christian Marriage in the history of salvation and the responsibilities and duties of Marriage to be attended to for the sanctification of the spouses and of their children…”

The readings for your mass emphasize your role as a couple in Salvation history and present a beautiful opportunity to evangelize Catholic and non-Catholic guests by highlighting the divine gift of Christian marriage.

They can also offer encouragement and support throughout your life, wisdom from God to guide you through the good and the bad closer to Himself. 

But where do you even start when it comes to picking the readings for your nuptial mass?

Like any special mass, your nuptial mass will have three readings and Psalm: the First reading with the exception of the Easter Season will be from the Old Testament, the second reading from the New Testament, and then a reading from one of the four Gospels.

The Order for Celebrating Matrimony offers several options from Scripture that particularly express the importance and dignity of marriage; however, you may choose to go outside of these options, as long as at least one reading explicitly speaks of Marriage (and it’s okay with your celebrant!)

Looking for a uniquely Catholic wedding program? Check out the Spoken Bride Shop.

Here are some tips for choosing meaningful readings for your Catholic wedding mass:

1. Talk to your fiancé and your celebrant

The process of choosing your wedding readings should be a cooperative one between you and your spouse first. You want your readings to reflect you as a couple and be a source of inspiration for you and your husband as you journey together toward heaven.

What readings truly speak to you? What verses played a part in our story? Which bible passages reflect the marriage we hope to have? 

Communicate your thoughts and desires to your celebrant, as soon as possible. Some priests are open to other options for readings, especially if you have a good reason for wanting to include it in your wedding ceremony; while other priests may prefer to stick with the book so it is important to talk with him early in the decision-making process.

2. Don’t dismiss the challenging readings 

There are several readings listed in The Order for Celebrating Matrimony that might make some listeners uncomfortable (hello, Ephesians 5:22), but don’t dismiss them out of hand.

The Word of God contains His wisdom and all of the options the Church offers for mass readings contain invaluable help for couples. 

If you feel the tug on your heart to consider the less popular wedding readings, talk to your fiancé, a trusted friend, mentor couple, or priest. Sometimes, when we feel uncomfortable, we might be recognizing places in our hearts that need God’s light. Even if you don’t choose one of those readings, God might extend His healing or wisdom to you that will nourish your soul before you become a bride. 

3. Pray with the Readings

Before choosing your wedding readings, take some time to pray with the options by using Lectio Divina or some other form of meditative prayer. 

Lectio Divina is an ancient practice of immersing yourself in Scripture, opening your mind and heart to hear God’s voice. Invite the Holy Spirit into the decision-making process, and allow God to guide you. 

Return to these readings frequently throughout your engagement, delving deeper into their significance and meaning as you prepare to enter your vocation. 

Related: How to Pray About Your Wedding Vows Using Lectio Divina

The readings for your nuptial mass can hold so much meaning and significance for you wedding day and for the rest of your life. God desires to speak to you through His Word and will use the scriptures to draw you and your spouse closer to Him. 

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Uniquely Catholic Gifts for Parents of the Bride + Groom

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After years of love and support (especially, during the challenges of engagement and wedding planning) many Brides and Grooms want to find a unique way to thank their parents. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: DU CASTEL PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: DU CASTEL PHOTOGRAPHY

While not a necessity, giving a gift to your parents is a thoughtful and intentional way to offer your thanks and appreciation, as well as a sentimental reminder of this new and profound season in your relationship with your parents.

If you want to show your thanks in this way, check out these uniquely Catholic gift ideas for parents of the bride and groom.

Mass card

Having a mass offered in thanksgiving for your parents or soon-to-be in-laws is one of the best gifts you can give as a Catholic. 

Check with your parish about having a mass said for your parents on a significant day like their anniversary or birthdays. You can also consider having them perpetually enrolled at a meaningful shrine, so that their intentions will be remembered daily. 

Embroidered handkerchief 

Handkerchiefs are a subtle and practical wedding day accessory for both mothers and fathers, that you can make more unique by having it embroidered, which is why it has become a common gift for parents of the bride and groom.

You can put a Catholic spin on this idea by having their favorite saint quote or scripture verse embroidered on the fabric. 

Framed art

Leave a beautiful legacy in the space that was once your shared home by giving your parents framed pictures or artwork. 

You could put a photo from your wedding day side by side with a photo of your parents on their wedding day. Or you could also commission a custom portrait of the church in which your parents were married. You could even frame a quote print or two. 

Add a little note to the back of the frame to make it extra special.

Saint Icon

Similar to the framed artwork, Sacred Icons add beauty to a home and can elevate your parent’s prayer space. 

Choose an icon of their patron saints, or of holy parents like the Holy Family, Saints Anne and Joicham, or Saints Louis and Zelie Martin. Maybe you can explain why you choose that particular icon in a little card or print out/write a prayer for parents to go along with it. 

Blessed custom (or handmade) rosary

Custom rosaries are a go-to gift for many Catholics, and with good reason! Catholics, especially those with a devotion to Our Lady, love having rosary beads with a story behind them.

Buy or make rosaries using your wedding color palette, or the birthstone colors of their children’s birthdays, their anniversary, or another meaningful date. 

Have the rosary blessed by the priest celebrating your wedding for a unique keepsake of their child’s special day.

The Spoken Bride vendor guide features many talented Catholic artists and craftsmen and can help you find other gift, art, jewelry, and photo options for the Parents of the Bride and Groom.

One Moment in Time: Why Every Moment of Your Wedding Day is Worthy of Being Documented.

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MARIA CARPENTER

 

Whether you have been dreaming about your wedding since you were little or the excitement began once you got engaged, it is one of the greatest days of your life to enter the sacrament of marriage with your soulmate. 

You’ve probably been told to enjoy your wedding day as much as you can because “it goes by so fast.”

Why then has the wedding industry normalized giving couples the choice of cramming their day into a 6 or 8-hour window or having their photographer miss important wedding day moments?

We have all been there. You begin the search for your wedding photographer, find some that you love, and then your heart sinks when you see on the investment page that you can only afford the shortest amount of time.

You start to wonder:  Well maybe they don’t need to capture everything. Maybe we can just shorten the day so that they can be there for all of the big moments. Before you know it, you are making compromises to change a day that you have spent countless hours planning and investing a lot of money in to make it perfect.

As photographers, we believe that all-day coverage is the best  way to capture a wedding  day as authentically as possible. In order to stay true to that belief, we always include all-day coverage for our couples.

It allows you to have a more peaceful and relaxing day, and will help you remember all of the special moments from it–big and small–for the rest of your life. 

All-day coverage offers a more flexible wedding day timeline, allowing for some extra wiggle room in case something happens to throw off the schedule. It also gives you a chance to mentally and emotionally prepare before the ceremony. If you wanted to have that downtime but was hiring a photographer for a shorter number of hours, then you would feel like you were “wasting an hour” to not have them photographing some of the posed group photos since you have them there for less time.

Limited hours often lead couples to choose between the “getting ready” photos or most of their reception photos, but those are the two best  times to have captured. 

So many of our brides have told us that their favorite pictures of them and their mom or other close female figures are the “getting ready” photos. 

Yes, the pretty posed pictures outdoors are beautiful and important, but there is something so sentimental about documenting the woman who put your first dress on you now helping you into your wedding dress. That is when the emotions of the day start to flood in and become a reality; you aren’t trying your dress on at the bridal store, alteration shop, or your home, this is when you are finally preparing to meet your beloved.  

If you choose to have the photographer there for those important getting ready moments but then leave early before the reception is over, then you are missing out on some of the most fun candid shots of the day. 

There are the heartwarming moments like the first dance, family dances, and toasts but there are also all the fun pictures once the dance floor opens that totally exude marital bliss. 

All your favorite people in one room, singing and dancing to celebrate their love for you two as a couple, which is why they tend to be some of the favorite and most shared pictures for our couples. 

We have photographed the bride giving the maid of honor a piggyback ride, a groom and his groomsmen serenading the bride with an acappella song, a group of sisters recreating their childhood dance to their favorite song, and so many more incredible moments during the celebration. 

The reception is when the  stress and expectations for the day are over and couples are free to act like their truest selves. They have such a carefree spirit about them and the joy they radiate as they leave their reception to begin the rest of their married lives together cannot be posed or prompted.

Wedding photography certainly is not “one size fits all,” but when considering the best fit for you, make sure you are not compromising and shortening the happiest day of your life to fit the time frame of an average workday. 

You have been preparing your whole life to marry the person that God made for you, and you should cherish every moment of the day that you become one in spirit.

About the Authors: Maria and ayton are the faces behind Fenix Photography, Design, and Events. They both have pursued numerous creative outlets but fell in love with photography: they loved that they could bring the best emotive moments out of couples, and then edit them in a vibrant and colorful way. The motto of Fenix Photography, Design, and Events is "God writes the story... we just document it." As photographers, Maria and Dayton believe their job is to capture the deepest form of love that God can bestow on two people. They desire to build friendships with their clients through the wedding planning process and help them fully enjoy their special day. 

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Vendor Week 2021 | Evangelizing Through Your Wedding Mass

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JOY FOSTER & MARY DORHAUER

 

This February 20-27  is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content, podcast interviews, and social media. Everyday this week, we will share wisdom and expertise of some of our talented Vendors to help you in your wedding planning.

If you are recently engaged, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

Your wedding liturgy offers a wonderful opportunity to witness not just the love you and your fiancé share, but also the beauty of the Catholic Church’s teaching on marriage and sacrificial love. There are subtle but profound ways you can evangelize to your wedding guests, all within the guidelines the Church has for liturgy. 

Your guest list likely includes not just practicing Catholics, but also fallen-away Catholics, confused Catholics, Protestant and Orthodox Christians, and those of other beliefs, or even no beliefs at all. 

In fact, your wedding may be the first time someone has set foot in a Catholic Church or their first return in decades, and yet, they are there out of love for you and your fiancé!

With this consideration, make your ceremony a beautiful and welcoming exposure to the Catholic Faith.

Even for a small wedding, having greeters in the vestibule to hand out programs (or direct to a table or stand where the programs or worship aids are) is a nice touch and offers a place in the wedding party for a young teen or a friend that offers to help. Ushers are also a helpful escort, even for a smaller wedding, because some guests may not know where they should appropriately sit in a Catholic Church (many of our weddings utilize the groomsmen to help seat the arriving guests).

For those getting married in the Ordinary Form of the Mass (or having a liturgy of the Word ceremony), you are able to select readings from the Old Testament, Psalms, New Testament, and the Gospel. 

Those selections can vary from country to country, the liturgical season may alter a few options, and if you are getting married on a solemnity, the readings for that day will be your ceremony or Mass readings. 

When it comes to selecting your readings, take time with your fiancé to carefully read over the options. Be intentional with it!

This is a great time to practice some Lectio Divina, as each reading will give you some insight into marriage and your overall Christian life.

Check with your priest or deacon to see how he typically prefers to address the homily. Some priests will write one based on your readings and customize it to you and your fiancé. Others tend to have a “set homily” for weddings, and while they will of course, customize it to be fitting for you and your beloved, it may not specifically address your selected readings. 

This is important to know if you have chosen a reading such as Ephesians 5:22 or 1 Peter 3, as both are often misunderstood or misinterpreted, even among Catholics, and can sound uncomfortable to non-Catholic ears. If you choose either of these beautiful readings, we highly recommend asking your priest to explain and expand on them from a Catholic viewpoint during his homily. 

If one or both of you are recent converts to Catholicism and your conversion caused some serious contention with a beloved immediate family, know that it is perfectly okay to go with some of the more well known and easily interpreted readings like Genesis or Song of Songs, instead of Tobit or Sirach (which are more difficult for a layperson to understand). You know your family the best and a ceremony where the readings are common to both Catholics and Protestants may be the best option for harmony. 

For those marrying in the Extraordinary Form of the Mass or on a Solemnity, we still encourage you to practice Lectio Divina over the Sacred Scripture options for the Ordinary Form Nuptial Mass and include a favorite verse or two on your wedding program or worship aid, just as you would with a message to your guests or a “thank you for being part of our special day.”

Another custom that can be confusing to those outside the Church is a Marian Devotion or the practice of bringing flowers to an altar or statue of the Blessed Mother. 

Asking your priest to give a brief explanation as you prepare may help guests understand the significance of the moment which usually takes place right after the vows or after everyone is seated after Holy Communion. If your priest prefers not to give an explanation on this custom, have it in your program so non-Catholic guests understand that we aren’t “worshiping Mary,” but asking for her heavenly, intercessory prayers.

Pope Saint John Paul II tells us that “All men and women are entrusted with the task of creating their own life; in a certain sense, they are to make of it a work of art, a masterpiece!” Similarly, your wedding may be seen as a work of art to others. 

The church building, with its art and architecture, the beauty of the hymns, and the solemn tradition of Catholic worship, are all a witness to your guests about the dignity and glory found in the Catholic Church. 

Strive to make your wedding Mass as touching, beautiful, and welcoming to your guests as possible. We aren’t always privileged to know what parts of our lives God has used to affect a change in someone else, and it’s a wonderful thought that your wedding ceremony might not just bring you and your fiance together, but might also bring another person back into the fold of the Church!

About the Author: Joy Foster and Mary Dorhauer are co-owners and wedding planners of Something Blue, a company dedicated to Catholic Weddings.

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Vendor Week 2021 | Stress-Free Catholic Wedding Programs

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EMILY CONSTANCE

 

This February 20-27  is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content, podcast interviews, and social media. Everyday this week, we will share wisdom and expertise of some of our talented Vendors to help you in your wedding planning.

If you are recently engaged, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

There are so many little details when it comes to planning a wedding. 

As a wedding photographer, I had some idea what to expect, but it was so different being on the ‘bride’ side of things instead of ‘vendor’ side of things. 

One of the often overlooked, but important pieces for a Catholic wedding is the program. Here are some tips I learned during my own wedding planning experience to ensure that this is one detail you won’t stress about!

Start Early

When it came to my wedding programs, I had planned to create them in Photoshop with gorgeous metallic fonts and floral designs printed on special paper to really create that WOW factor. But in reality, I waited until the last minute so I thought I was going to have to  just eliminate the programs all together. 

With the stress around planning a wedding, wedding programs might not be on the top of your to-do list. But since they are so important, especially with helping non-Catholic wedding guests understand and follow your ceremony, I’d recommend not leaving them until the last minute.

Enlist the help of family and friends

Instead of forgoing a program, my mom came to the rescue! She designed and assembled all 200 of my wedding programs with the help of my dad. I couldn’t have done it without them!

You can easily delegate the task of designing, printing, and/or assembling wedding programs to family members and friends. 

Design first, print later

If I were to plan a wedding again today, I would start the design process for my programs earlier to give myself time to create something beautiful and beneficial to my guests. Then I would print the programs closer to the wedding to allow for any last minute changes.

Find the right template

One of the roadblocks I ran into to was - What exactly do you put in a Catholic wedding ceremony program? There are plenty of non-religious program templates on Etsy and Pinterest. But I wanted our program to reflect our faith and be easy to follow for all of our non-Catholic guests. 

My mom purchased blank wedding programs and designed them in the word editor on her computer.  You can also buy Catholic-specific wedding program templates to make sure that your program has everything your guests need to enter into the beauty of your wedding mass. 

About the Author: Emily Constance is a Catholic wedding photographer serving Tulsa, OK and surrounding areas with 10 years of experience. She loves her faith and uses her knowledge to help guide Catholic couples both professionally and personally through their special day. She loves capturing the joy that radiates from couples, as well as the timelessness and beauty of the Sacrament of Marriage.

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