"Beauty pierces her heart and draws her into the sacred. She wants not only her wedding, but her marriage to reflect this in every way: through awe-inspiring liturgy, decor, and photographs, each infused, above all, with the radiant beauty only made manifest in sincere holiness. No matter her past, she has a love for all that is pure. She desires nothing more or less than to make a complete gift of herself. She chases fearlessly after virtue, knowing excellence is the path to true freedom, and freedom is for love. Deeply, profoundly, she is in love..."

Vendor Week 2021 | Navigating Catholic Dating & Engagement With Confidence

February 25, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

SARA FEOLINO

This February 20-27 is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content, podcast interviews, and social media. Everyday this week, we will share wisdom and expertise of some of our talented Vendors to help you in your wedding planning.

If you are recently engaged, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

PHOTOGRAPHY: BRANDON SMITH PHOTOGRAPHY AS SEEN IN SARA AND RAPHY’S HAWAIIAN PARADISE WEDDING — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* *BRANDON SMITH PHOTOGRAPHY* *AS SEEN IN* *SARA AND RAPHY’S HAWAIIAN PARADISE WEDDING*

My parent’s divorce set me up for failure in my relationships.

I was raised by my single mother because my parents separated when I was still an infant. I didn’t have my dad around all the time to show me how a man should love and so I learned the hard way...

I’ve experienced both ends of the relationship spectrum. Possessive, demanding, manipulating boyfriend to having a boyfriend who didn’t really try to be in our relationship.

In my worst relationship, we fought so often that I would go out of my way to avoid rocking the boat, only to have accidentally rocked it in some other way. Instead of having healthy boundaries and healthy communication, I was faced with demands and ultimatums and being yelled at for things I didn’t know would upset him.

My husband also had his fair share of toxic relationships in the past. He struggled to communicate his needs and emotions and would end up bottling it all up until the dam would burst.

He struggled with things that many couples face like lust, chastity, and pornography. He was actually engaged to another woman that he was with for over five years. But by the grace of God and the help of his spiritual director, he started recognizing these unhealthy habits and behaviors, which led him to make the hard decision of ending the engagement.

I remember him sharing his story openly with me early in our friendship and saw the similarities of experiences we both had.

We realized that no one really taught us how to be in a healthy relationship which resulted in our challenging past.

When we started courting, we decided to do things differently so we wouldn’t repeat what happened in our other relationships.

The most important thing that was missing in all of our past relationships with Christ. We knew that in order for things to change in our relationship, we would have to keep Him in the center.

We made it a priority to attend daily Mass on most days together, went to Confession often, started a weekly Eucharistic adoration devotion, plugged into a Catholic young adult ministry, and served in our parish together doing youth ministry. We needed His grace to experience healing of our past and find clarity in our discernment together.

We also decided to invest in our own personal and relationship growth. We studied & learned from experts in the areas of relationships, marriage, finances, and so much more and found ways to implement them. We invested in different conferences, events, and courses. We didn’t want to rely on our pre-Cana three day weekend retreat to prepare us for a lifelong marriage.

We knew that if it took a seminarian nearly a decade to prepare for the priesthood, we had to invest more in our relationship if we wanted our marriage to last a lifetime.

This whole journey of creating a more Christ-centered and growth-focused relationship helped us avoid hurting each other the way our past relationships had. We learned how to communicate our wants and needs, discuss the hard questions and concerns, without fear or tension building between each other.

By developing our skills in our relationship before the wedding day, we confidently entered into our marriage. We were able to work through “tough” situations and take care of it as a team. We are now more proactive in our marriage, not reactive.

In our ministry as premarital relationship coaches, we have seen firsthand the importance of couples intentionally growing in their faith and relationship as they discern marriage. Building the skills of communication, conflict resolution, finances, dating, and more help them have clearer vocational discernment, and enter their marriage with momentum.

See, entering marriage is like entering a battlefield. You don’t win battles by just “winging it” and trying to figure it out while you’re in the heat of things. There needs to be intentional planning & strategizing prior to entering the battle to increase chances of victory. This intentionality before marriage allows couples to be more proactive, rather than reactive, when they experience challenges in their relationship.

The devil despises marriage and divorce is his victory;I’m sure you’ve seen the saddening divorce statistics. However, this can be avoided if we keep Christ in the center, master key relationship skills, live with intention, and never fall complacent!

If you’re reading this right now, whether you’re dating, engaged, or newly married, there is hope for a lifelong marriage.

It doesn’t matter what challenges and struggles you may have experienced in the past, you can create a holy & thriving marriage by the grace of God. His mercy and power is abundant and He is with you always.

Whatever you do, stay proactive in your relationship. Don’t sweep issues under the rug or wait until your relationship is filled with unhealthy habits & behaviors to start working on it. It’s like how you sustain your spiritual life– you receive the sacraments by going to Mass, spend time in Adoration, go to confession, and read spiritual books, all to be proactive with nurturing your faith. You must implement this same type of intention, tenacity & persistence with your relationship if you want it to thrive.

We are praying for all you holy couples on your journey to marriage. God be with you. Stay hopeful, my friends!

About the Author: Sara Feolino & her husband, Raphy, are the founders of Journey to Marriage, a ministry that empowers Catholic couples to create holy and healthy relationships before marriage. She is a Certified Relationship Coach & Wedding Planner. They are hosts of the podcast, Journey to Marriage - For Catholic Brides & Grooms, which reaches couples worldwide, sharing practical spiritual, relationship, & wedding advice. They hosted the first ever virtual conference for couples preparing for marriage, the Catholic Engaged Summit, a virtual event featuring over 60+ married Catholic speakers sharing their marriage secrets & expertise to Catholics around the world. They live in Las Vegas, Nevada and are huge foodies, enjoy jammin’ to Disney & worship songs, burning up the dance floor, and loving on their newborn daughter.

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February 24, 2021

One Moment in Time: Why Every Moment of Your Wedding Day is Worthy of Being Documented.

February 24, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

MARIA CARPENTER

Whether you have been dreaming about your wedding since you were little or the excitement began once you got engaged, it is one of the greatest days of your life to enter the sacrament of marriage with your soulmate.

PHOTOGRAPHY: FENIX PHOTOGRAPHY, DESIGN, & EVENTS LLC — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* *FENIX PHOTOGRAPHY, DESIGN, & EVENTS LLC*

You’ve probably been told to enjoy your wedding day as much as you can because “it goes by so fast.”

Why then has the wedding industry normalized giving couples the choice of cramming their day into a 6 or 8-hour window or having their photographer miss important wedding day moments?

We have all been there. You begin the search for your wedding photographer, find some that you love, and then your heart sinks when you see on the investment page that you can only afford the shortest amount of time.

You start to wonder: Well maybe they don’t need to capture everything. Maybe we can just shorten the day so that they can be there for all of the big moments. Before you know it, you are making compromises to change a day that you have spent countless hours planning and investing a lot of money in to make it perfect.

As photographers, we believe that all-day coverage is the best way to capture a wedding day as authentically as possible. In order to stay true to that belief, we always include all-day coverage for our couples.

It allows you to have a more peaceful and relaxing day, and will help you remember all of the special moments from it–big and small–for the rest of your life.

All-day coverage offers a more flexible wedding day timeline, allowing for some extra wiggle room in case something happens to throw off the schedule. It also gives you a chance to mentally and emotionally prepare before the ceremony. If you wanted to have that downtime but was hiring a photographer for a shorter number of hours, then you would feel like you were “wasting an hour” to not have them photographing some of the posed group photos since you have them there for less time.

Limited hours often lead couples to choose between the “getting ready” photos or most of their reception photos, but those are the two best times to have captured.

So many of our brides have told us that their favorite pictures of them and their mom or other close female figures are the “getting ready” photos.

Yes, the pretty posed pictures outdoors are beautiful and important, but there is something so sentimental about documenting the woman who put your first dress on you now helping you into your wedding dress. That is when the emotions of the day start to flood in and become a reality; you aren’t trying your dress on at the bridal store, alteration shop, or your home, this is when you are finally preparing to meet your beloved.

If you choose to have the photographer there for those important getting ready moments but then leave early before the reception is over, then you are missing out on some of the most fun candid shots of the day.

There are the heartwarming moments like the first dance, family dances, and toasts but there are also all the fun pictures once the dance floor opens that totally exude marital bliss.

All your favorite people in one room, singing and dancing to celebrate their love for you two as a couple, which is why they tend to be some of the favorite and most shared pictures for our couples.

We have photographed the bride giving the maid of honor a piggyback ride, a groom and his groomsmen serenading the bride with an acappella song, a group of sisters recreating their childhood dance to their favorite song, and so many more incredible moments during the celebration.

The reception is when the stress and expectations for the day are over and couples are free to act like their truest selves. They have such a carefree spirit about them and the joy they radiate as they leave their reception to begin the rest of their married lives together cannot be posed or prompted.

Wedding photography certainly is not “one size fits all,” but when considering the best fit for you, make sure you are not compromising and shortening the happiest day of your life to fit the time frame of an average workday.

You have been preparing your whole life to marry the person that God made for you, and you should cherish every moment of the day that you become one in spirit.

About the Authors: Maria and ayton are the faces behind Fenix Photography, Design, and Events. They both have pursued numerous creative outlets but fell in love with photography: they loved that they could bring the best emotive moments out of couples, and then edit them in a vibrant and colorful way. The motto of Fenix Photography, Design, and Events is "God writes the story... we just document it." As photographers, Maria and Dayton believe their job is to capture the deepest form of love that God can bestow on two people. They desire to build friendships with their clients through the wedding planning process and help them fully enjoy their special day.

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February 23, 2021

Vendor Week 2021 | Evangelizing Through Your Wedding Mass

February 23, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

JOY FOSTER & MARY DORHAUER

PHOTOGRAPHY: BEAUTY OF THE SOUL STUDIO — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* *BEAUTY OF THE SOUL STUDIO*

Your wedding liturgy offers a wonderful opportunity to witness not just the love you and your fiancé share, but also the beauty of the Catholic Church’s teaching on marriage and sacrificial love. There are subtle but profound ways you can evangelize to your wedding guests, all within the guidelines the Church has for liturgy.

Your guest list likely includes not just practicing Catholics, but also fallen-away Catholics, confused Catholics, Protestant and Orthodox Christians, and those of other beliefs, or even no beliefs at all.

In fact, your wedding may be the first time someone has set foot in a Catholic Church or their first return in decades, and yet, they are there out of love for you and your fiancé!

With this consideration, make your ceremony a beautiful and welcoming exposure to the Catholic Faith.

Even for a small wedding, having greeters in the vestibule to hand out programs (or direct to a table or stand where the programs or worship aids are) is a nice touch and offers a place in the wedding party for a young teen or a friend that offers to help. Ushers are also a helpful escort, even for a smaller wedding, because some guests may not know where they should appropriately sit in a Catholic Church (many of our weddings utilize the groomsmen to help seat the arriving guests).

For those getting married in the Ordinary Form of the Mass (or having a liturgy of the Word ceremony), you are able to select readings from the Old Testament, Psalms, New Testament, and the Gospel.

Those selections can vary from country to country, the liturgical season may alter a few options, and if you are getting married on a solemnity, the readings for that day will be your ceremony or Mass readings.

When it comes to selecting your readings, take time with your fiancé to carefully read over the options. Be intentional with it!

This is a great time to practice some Lectio Divina, as each reading will give you some insight into marriage and your overall Christian life.

Check with your priest or deacon to see how he typically prefers to address the homily. Some priests will write one based on your readings and customize it to you and your fiancé. Others tend to have a “set homily” for weddings, and while they will of course, customize it to be fitting for you and your beloved, it may not specifically address your selected readings.

This is important to know if you have chosen a reading such as Ephesians 5:22 or 1 Peter 3, as both are often misunderstood or misinterpreted, even among Catholics, and can sound uncomfortable to non-Catholic ears. If you choose either of these beautiful readings, we highly recommend asking your priest to explain and expand on them from a Catholic viewpoint during his homily.

If one or both of you are recent converts to Catholicism and your conversion caused some serious contention with a beloved immediate family, know that it is perfectly okay to go with some of the more well known and easily interpreted readings like Genesis or Song of Songs, instead of Tobit or Sirach (which are more difficult for a layperson to understand). You know your family the best and a ceremony where the readings are common to both Catholics and Protestants may be the best option for harmony.

For those marrying in the Extraordinary Form of the Mass or on a Solemnity, we still encourage you to practice Lectio Divina over the Sacred Scripture options for the Ordinary Form Nuptial Mass and include a favorite verse or two on your wedding program or worship aid, just as you would with a message to your guests or a “thank you for being part of our special day.”

Another custom that can be confusing to those outside the Church is a Marian Devotion or the practice of bringing flowers to an altar or statue of the Blessed Mother.

Asking your priest to give a brief explanation as you prepare may help guests understand the significance of the moment which usually takes place right after the vows or after everyone is seated after Holy Communion. If your priest prefers not to give an explanation on this custom, have it in your program so non-Catholic guests understand that we aren’t “worshiping Mary,” but asking for her heavenly, intercessory prayers.

Pope Saint John Paul II tells us that “All men and women are entrusted with the task of creating their own life; in a certain sense, they are to make of it a work of art, a masterpiece!” Similarly, your wedding may be seen as a work of art to others.

The church building, with its art and architecture, the beauty of the hymns, and the solemn tradition of Catholic worship, are all a witness to your guests about the dignity and glory found in the Catholic Church.

Strive to make your wedding Mass as touching, beautiful, and welcoming to your guests as possible. We aren’t always privileged to know what parts of our lives God has used to affect a change in someone else, and it’s a wonderful thought that your wedding ceremony might not just bring you and your fiance together, but might also bring another person back into the fold of the Church!

About the Author: Joy Foster and Mary Dorhauer are co-owners and wedding planners of Something Blue, a company dedicated to Catholic Weddings.

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February 22, 2021

Vendor Week 2021 | Stress-Free Catholic Wedding Programs

February 22, 2021/ Editor Spoken Bride

EMILY CONSTANCE

There are so many little details when it comes to planning a wedding.

As a wedding photographer, I had some idea what to expect, but it was so different being on the ‘bride’ side of things instead of ‘vendor’ side of things.

One of the often overlooked, but important pieces for a Catholic wedding is the program. Here are some tips I learned during my own wedding planning experience to ensure that this is one detail you won’t stress about!

Start Early

When it came to my wedding programs, I had planned to create them in Photoshop with gorgeous metallic fonts and floral designs printed on special paper to really create that WOW factor. But in reality, I waited until the last minute so I thought I was going to have to just eliminate the programs all together.

With the stress around planning a wedding, wedding programs might not be on the top of your to-do list. But since they are so important, especially with helping non-Catholic wedding guests understand and follow your ceremony, I’d recommend not leaving them until the last minute.

Enlist the help of family and friends

Instead of forgoing a program, my mom came to the rescue! She designed and assembled all 200 of my wedding programs with the help of my dad. I couldn’t have done it without them!

You can easily delegate the task of designing, printing, and/or assembling wedding programs to family members and friends.

Design first, print later

If I were to plan a wedding again today, I would start the design process for my programs earlier to give myself time to create something beautiful and beneficial to my guests. Then I would print the programs closer to the wedding to allow for any last minute changes.

Find the right template

One of the roadblocks I ran into to was - What exactly do you put in a Catholic wedding ceremony program? There are plenty of non-religious program templates on Etsy and Pinterest. But I wanted our program to reflect our faith and be easy to follow for all of our non-Catholic guests.

My mom purchased blank wedding programs and designed them in the word editor on her computer. You can also buy Catholic-specific wedding program templates to make sure that your program has everything your guests need to enter into the beauty of your wedding mass.

About the Author: Emily Constance is a Catholic wedding photographer serving Tulsa, OK and surrounding areas with 10 years of experience. She loves her faith and uses her knowledge to help guide Catholic couples both professionally and personally through their special day. She loves capturing the joy that radiates from couples, as well as the timelessness and beauty of the Sacrament of Marriage.

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January 16, 2020

Vendor Week 2020 | A Photographer's Tips for a Sacred, Memorable "First Prayer" Before Your Ceremony

January 16, 2020/ Editor Spoken Bride

SINIKKA ROHRER

Your wedding photographer is there to help you discern and plan a First Look before your wedding ceremony begins. A First Look, in addition to offering you and your spouse a moment of personal joy and quiet, makes it possible to get many portrait photos out of the way prior to guests arriving and minimizes the time guests are waiting for the reception to begin. As you plan your timeline with your photographer, talk together about whether you'd like to do a First Look and if you’d like to bring in an element of prayer.

Photography: Soul Creations Photograhpy, seen in Amy + Jay | Fort Harrison Wedding — *Photography: Soul Creations Photograhpy, seen in* *Amy + Jay | Fort Harrison Wedding*

Whether as a supplement to or substitute for a First Look, I highly recommend considering a First Prayer—not just for photos, but also for a phenomenal, precious moment that you and your beloved can hold on to tenderly before the day begins.

Will you and your beloved have a First Look? Read more about considerations for making the decision.

As you and your beloved stand back to back, it not only gives your photographer time for additional images, but allows for a sacred, silent moment of alone time—something couples tend not to have much of throughout their day.

Here, 3 steps toward making your moment together sacred and special:

Stand back-to-back

One of my couples, Becca and Brian, wanted to have their First Prayer in the chapel, under the cross of Christ, on their wedding morning. Before we led Becca to her place, Brian had already been positioned, with his body faced away from the door as he stood beneath the cross of the One who loves him so deeply.

After Brian was prepared, my team led Becca to her place as well, knowing in moments she would be in contact with her groom. Even though she wasn’t able to see him, they were right where they wanted to be: next to each other.

Hold hands

My husband and I chose a First Prayer ourselves for the morning of our wedding. We each brought a card for one another to read, and after doing so, we held hands for what seems like the longest moment of the day. Holding his hand helped me feel connected, united, and secure. He wasn’t going anywhere, and I wasn’t either. We hung on for what seemed an eternity.

My clients Amanda and Craig held hands, as well, around the large, wooden door that would open again later when Amanda stepped down the aisle for her bridegroom to behold her.

See Amanda + Craig’s First Prayer and their Classic Ballroom Wedding in Indianapolis

In this moment, Amanda squeezed Craig’s hand tight and let tears slide down her face. She was with her beloved, and no matter what difficulties had come that morning, she was reminded of their sacred bond, their journey to this day, and their unconditional love.

Pray.

As each of these men stood waiting to hear the voice of their brides, I placed my own hand on their shoulders and prayed: that they let Christ lead their marriage and lean on his shoulder as their family leans on them. I prayed they see Christ when they see their brides, knowing the love of these women perfectly reflects the heart of God.

And as these brides, Becca and Amanda, stood anxious to approach their beloveds, I took their hands and prayed, as well: that they lean close to Christ’s chest just as they lean on their spouses’. That they support and walk closely with God, becoming more and more like him, and that they see Christ when they see their groom, knowing his love perfectly reflects the heart of God.

As they stood back to back, hands joined on opposite sides of the door, they prayed. Some of my couples choose to say a Hail Mary, some a Rosary or Chaplet, and some choose spontaneous prayer.

I encourage you to consider including a First Prayer in your timeline! Those moments that you have together are beautiful and will be captured for your album, but the sacred bond that you will feel is even more incredible.

Take these moments to unite your heart with the sacrament about to take place. I wish you all the best on your engagement journey!

About the Author: Sinikka Rohrer is a Christian wedding photographer and Spoken Bride vendor on mission to encourage brides with practical and spiritual encouragement on the way to the aisle. She is a lover of all things healthy, early morning spiritual reads, and anything outdoors.

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January 15, 2020

Vendor Week 2020 | Embracing Moments More Than Social Media

January 15, 2020/ Editor Spoken Bride

DAYTON & MARIA

Lights. Camera. Post. After a moment takes place, it can feel like a race to document it and post it on social media.

What used to be experiences shared only by the people present has evolved into an event valued by the number of likes, comments, or shares it gets, not unlike a competition TV show where your peers are the judges and your followers are the audience voting from home.

Don’t misunderstand me! We also posted when we got engaged, when we had engagement pictures taken, and we’re excited to share future wedding photos. With a balanced mindset, social media can be a great tool to share moments with a larger group.

As a wedding photographer, though, what can be problematic is when choosing vendors shifts from Who can capture my day authentically and with a style I like? to Who is trendy or has been reposted on featured accounts and will get a lot of likes?

Consider past generations’ experiences: no app to search wedding hashtags; destination elopements, lavish estate weddings, or rooftop receptions. The quality of a photographer’s work wasn’t based on followers and likes—all that mattered was if you and your fiancé “liked” it, not thousands of others.

Today, so many brides immediately feel overwhelmed by a cloud of comparison when they start the wedding planning process. Naturally it’s easy to lose sight of what is truly important about the day--entering the sacramental union of marriage.

As photographers, we absolutely understand and encourage prioritizing photography for their wedding, but we also encourage couples to focus more on finding someone that is the right fit for them and your day—and less on whose pictures are the first search result on social media.

Do we construct our couples’ wedding timelines to allow ample time to take beautiful portraits of the two of them, including extra time at sunset? Yes! Do we make sure to get “the shot” which shows both their emotions and the scenery in such a stunning way that it makes the perfect wall canvas? Absolutely! But during an authentic interaction, the best photographers will never be so focused on the most aesthetically pleasing shot that the attention shifts to taking the picture, rather than the moment itself.

Of course, as photographers we’re constantly moving, climbing, and laying on the ground to get the best shots, but in doing so we’ll never compromise the moment. If we see your grandmother embracing you at the water station, for instance, we are going to take the best picture, with the best angle we can, at that time. Could we interrupt and ask you both to move over to the flower covered arch and re-create the hug again to make the shot “prettier”? Yes. But we never would.

When you look back at the image years from now, we want you to remember how your grandmother pulled you close, whispered wise words about love, and clutched your wedding dress that had pieces of her own sewn into it. Even though you’ll still have posed portraits with her from earlier in the day, the water station picture is the one you will show your children and say, This was your great-grandmother.

We tell all our brides, “your wedding day is an experience, not a glorified photoshoot.” We don’t want our brides to condense one of the biggest days of their lives into a certain short window, which is why our services include all-day coverage. If we really are putting the client’s investment where our mouth is, then in order to authentically capture the day we know we must allow time for those moments to naturally happen.

As photographers, we frequently think of ourselves as directors. We’ve developed a sense for when it’s time to give direction and when it’s time to say action and then disappear into the background. For example, if a bride chooses to do a First Look, we will do our job to ensure the location, angle, and lighting is the best for that spot, then step back and capture the entirety of the interaction until its natural end.

We don’t have to coach you on how to hug, smile, or cry because the only reaction we want to photograph is the one that naturally happens--which is always the most beautiful.

Have you noticed when wedding stories make the evening news or go viral online, they almost always revolve around an intensely emotional encounter? A bride is walked down the aisle by her ailing father; a handicapped groom surprises his bride by standing for part of their first dance; a letter titled “read this on your wedding day” is given to a bride that her mother wrote years ago before passing away. The meaning of these experiences walking, dancing, and reading can’t be rehearsed for the camera.

The sooner you choose to let go of “the perfect wedding day,” the fewer distractions and greater focus on prayerful growth you’ll experience during your engagement. A wedding is one day, but marriage is eternal. Whether you have your reception in a small church hall, or at the most luxurious venue, you still are experiencing the day with the same people.

You can put a price tag on almost everything associated with your wedding day, except for the priceless interactions you have with your loved ones, whether that’s a dedicated handful or a loving army.

The day you became one in spirit with your spouse is irreplaceable. That is why we believe in moments over social media.

About the Authors: Dayton & Maria are an (almost) husband and wife documentary photography team based in Virginia and the owners of Fenix Photography, Design, & Events LLC. Their business motto: "God writes the story; we just document it." “Moments in life are fleeting,” they share, “so it's our job to capture the most joyous ones for you to remember for the rest of your life."

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January 14, 2020

Vendor Week 2020 | A Wedding Planner's Tips for Getting Married in a Historical Catholic Church

January 14, 2020/ Editor Spoken Bride

JOY FOSTER

Many couples choose to get married in beautiful, landmark Catholic churches that often have a historical significance to them. These churches are known for welcoming non-parishioners when celebrating the sacrament of matrimony.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ABERRAZIONI CROMATICHE STUDIO, SEEN IN FABIOLA + COLE | VATICAN CITY BASILICA WEDDING — *PHOTOGRAPHY: ABERRAZIONI CROMATICHE STUDIO, SEEN IN* *FABIOLA + COLE | VATICAN CITY BASILICA WEDDING*

However, this is more than just the “Catholic” version of a destination wedding. It’s also a viable option for couples who have chosen a wedding date only to discover their parish is not available (already booked, major renovation scheduled, etc.). Others may find their own church too small to accommodate a large guest list. Some may look for a “middle ground” location when families live on opposite sides of the country. Or maybe the bride or groom has a family connection going back generations, and they wish to continue the tradition of marrying at a specific church; no matter if they live two parishes over or a thousand miles away.

Whatever the reason, a wedding taking place in an opulent, historic church offers a wonderful opportunity to evangelize via the atmosphere. The sacred surroundings set the tone for prayer and reverence. The story of salvation history is told in the stained glass windows and frescoes that are usually in abundance.

This gives your guests an opportunity to witness the holy beauty of our faith in a way they may never have been exposed to before. It is wonderful to bring a more sacred approach to the celebration of marriage (as does any Catholic wedding) in a world where the current trend for marital celebrations is usually a themed party that can take place anywhere.

With that in mind, here are some important things to remember as you plan your wedding at a historic Catholic church.

Take into account any extra cost

However, one concern with not being a parishioner of a particular church is the cost. In most churches the fee is significantly more for a non-parishioner compared to that of registered and active parishioners. You could view paying the wedding fee as an act of generosity to a place whose operating and general maintenance costs can be astronomical--especially since many of these churches have significantly fewer parishioners than those in suburban areas.

By getting married there, you are also honoring all the founding families whose financial sacrifices helped to build a magnificent church. One boost to your wedding budget is that such a facility rarely needs any additional décor like altar arrangements or pew ribbons, so many couples only purchase bouquets, boutonnieres, and corsages when making floral selections.

Become familiar with their policies

Additionally, the logistics involved with getting married outside your own parish can take more navigation than scheduling a wedding at your own. Before you book a date, look over the church’s guidelines and policies very carefully (a good reminder regardless of where your wedding is taking place). This goes a long way in preventing last-minute disappointments regarding what is allowed for music, decorations, dress code, and access times.

Contact their wedding coordinator

Keep in consistent contact with the parish wedding coordinator throughout the scheduling process, and don’t hesitate to reach out to them should any questions arise. If a church is hosting a fair amount of non-parishioner weddings, they will usually have someone to assist you throughout the process, or someone who can direct you to the appropriate person to help with your concern.

Get permission from your pastor

The final sentence of Canon Law 1115, under “The Form of the Celebration of Marriage” stipulates that, “With the permission of the proper ordinary or proper pastor, marriages can be celebrated elsewhere.” In basic terms, if you wish to be married outside your geographical parish or where you are a registered parishioner, you need the permission of your pastor. That usually involves having your parish priest write a letter giving permission for the marriage to take place in another parish (or university chapel or shrine).

Choose your officiant

Very often, the historic church hosting your wedding will require you to provide your own officiant. If so, he must be a Catholic priest or deacon in good standing within his own diocese or religious order. His bishop or superior will need to provide documentation of this, via a Letter of Good Standing or Testimonial of Suitability for Ordained Ministry. These forms can usually be found on your diocesan website or by contacting the Office of Marriage and Family Life.

Make arrangements for marriage prep

You may also need to make arrangements for required marriage preparation with your officiating priest or deacon, or perhaps the pastoral associate from your home parish. Some hosting churches offer the use of their own priest or staff to conduct marriage prep, but this is not common, so be prepared to need a little extra time and paperwork before your wedding is officially on the schedule.

Work with the parish when planning your music

Because most of these facilities have a pipe organ, they may require or strongly recommend the use of their parish organist or liturgical musicians. This helps to ensure appropriate liturgical music is used for your ceremony, and a large pipe organ is quite useful for filling an entire cathedral with beautiful, sacred music.

Finally, when getting married in such splendid surroundings, there can be a tendency to feel like everything has to be perfect, perhaps even more than if you were in the familiar environment of your home parish. Don’t let those feelings and pressures take hold. Focus on the beauty of each moment, regardless if your wedding takes place in a chapel, a local parish church, a cathedral, or a basilica. At the end of the day, you and your beloved are now "Mr. and Mrs.", joined in one flesh before God, and that's what matters most.

About the Author: Joy is co-owner of Something Blue LLC, a wedding planning and coordination service for couples marrying within the Catholic Church. Prior to starting her business in 2018, she served as On-site Coordinator for her parish, which happens to be one of those ornate historic churches that welcome non-parishioner nuptial celebrations.

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June 04, 2019

Advice from a DJ | Setting the Tone for the Dance Floor

June 04, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

DEREK HALL

At balls and galas in the past, there was a dance of the time, such as the macarena or cha cha slide. In my opinion, the minuet, quadrille, or polonaise are the best part of any historical fiction show or movie. Historically, the party’s dance would be initiated by the guests of honor, often royalty--then the dance floor would be opened for guests to join. Social dancing is not quite the norm these days, but there is an opportunity to have some fun, relay beauty to your guests, and lead them into your celebration as you twirl about the dance floor.

I loathe being the center of attention; formal dances can be uncomfortable bubble of alone time in the spotlight. As a DJ, I have worked with many couples who want to be on and off of the dance floor as fast as possible. The truth is, you and your new spouse are the guests of honor on the wedding day. As you host your family and friends for the celebration, I encourage you to take on the responsibility of opening the dance floor with your first dances.

If you’re not having dancing, roll the first die of the board games, butter the first bagel of your brunch, bounce the first bounce in the bouncy house. (Yes, you can now have bouncy castles at your wedding.) The pressures we may feel as the center of attention are most often rooted in our own insecurities; rest assured, the other guests will not hold up scores of your dance at the end of the song.

The truth is that not everyone is paying extremely close attention to your movements. Some guests watch with admiration, some eat their cake and drink their coffee, some chat among themselves.

Regardless of the attention span of the crowd, these first dances are one of the few times during the wedding day to have alone time with your parents or with each other. It is really just about the two of you on the floor. Sharing an intimate experience is not the same thing as being stranded on the dance floor. Dive into the opportunity to be vulnerable together, to create a memory, and to savor a moment. When the song ends, the DJ can easily fade out the song, turn the attention to the guests, and keep things rolling.

Though I don’t always enjoy being the center of attention, I love a good dance party. If we replace our fears with a smile and some joy, we can stir up the best start of a dance party you’ve ever seen. Below I share additional insight and advice from my experiences as a husband and a professional DJ.

Learn a new kind of dance

My wife grew up as an Irish dancer and I did ballroom for several years around college. We decided to do a waltz for our first dance--and later did an Irish dance. We worked on them for several months, but for us it was largely a fun project that was sincere to who we are. It was athletic, challenging, and something to do together outside of grad school and wedding planning.

In practicing the steps, my wife and I learned how to dance the movements of a waltz rather than memorizing specific choreography. If things come off the rails in a choreographed dance, it may be hard to adjust on the spot. Give yourself at least a couple of months to learn some specific steps. Get comfortable making mistakes and moving back into the music. Most people won’t know if you mess up, so follow the leader, laugh at yourselves, and enjoy the process of trying something new. .

Pick the perfect song

The perfect song is unique to each couple. Often, nostalgia has more value than perfect lyrics. Most often, guests are either distracted during the first dance or are enamored by the loving embrace of the couple to pay attention to the words of the lyrics.

If you and your fiance don’t have a song that is extremely meaningful or appropriate for a first dance, choosing a new song gives you something special that will forever be anchored to your first dance. If you plan to learn a kind of dance--as suggested above--ask a professional for recommendations for types of songs to match with a specific type of dance.

Do the first dance last

I have emphasized the importance of sharing an intimate moment on the dance floor. But consider that your first dance doesn’t have to last the entire duration of a song. I’ve worked with many couples whose families don’t have a strong dance party tradition.Here’s my pitch: make a plan for your MC explain that the couple doesn’t want to just share a first dance on their own, but with all of the guests--the friends and family who helped them get here. The first dance immediately becomes communal, inclusive, and fun for everyone.

Your bridal party and immediate families can be a part of the plan, and join you on the dance floor after the first verse and chorus. At the end of the song, the next song should come right on and everyone can come in around you. I have had a couple of these types of starts blend right into an upbeat remix or some great sing-alongs (think “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”).

Get great pictures

So, we have done something to create community and inclusion of everyone in the room. We are making dancing “the cat’s pajamas,” the thing to do. Grab grandparents for a dance. Sing along to your favorite Spice Girls song you drove around singing with your mom when you were young. Burn it down for 30 minutes. Your photo and video are generally scheduled for a short chunk of dancing, and they can capitalize on this initial time with the guests and guests of honor together on the dance floor.

If we have a slow build or if you disappear from the dance party at the beginning of the celebration , you are missing out on a great chance to create and capture special memories of the night. Eventually, some people might leave, go back to their dessert, enjoy a drink, or get some fresh air. A good DJ or band will figure out how to keep the party going. When you look back at your photos, your favorites may be from those first 30 minutes of fun. The mood for the night has been set. Anything else is gravy.

About the Author: Derek is one half of The Block Party, a DJ company specializing in playing vinyl, mixing records, and trying to pour as much warmth and friendship into the vendor process as possible. They have done weddings and events all over the country; when they aren't traveling to throw monster dance parties, Derek and his wife Clare are traveling to visit their nieces and nephews or adventuring as a couple.

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January 18, 2019

5 Tips for a Meaningful and Cinematic Catholic Wedding Video

January 18, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

LAURA KUAH

Each day from January 13-20, Spoken Bride's distinctively Catholic wedding vendors will be featured through Instagram takeovers and written contributions on the blog.

Are you recently engaged? We invite you to learn more about the gifted wedding industry professionals who partner with us through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide.

In his 1999 Letter to Artists, St. John Paul II writes, "Artists of the world, may your many different paths lead to that Ocean of beauty, where wonder becomes awe, exhilaration and unspeakable joy..." for “beauty is a key to the mystery and a call to transcendence. It is an invitation to savor life and to dream of the future.”

Photography: LAURENTINA PHOTOGRAPHY — Photography: *LAURENTINA PHOTOGRAPHY*

Art, in any form, has the ability to add value to our lives. Our lives, in any vocation, comprise an intricate weaving of finding, creating and preserving beauty, which can save the world.

Videography is a unique, creative, and powerful way to capture the significant words, sounds, and movements of your wedding. Beyond cherishing your video in your own home, modern wedding videography can serve as a beautiful testimony of your faith journey and love story.

The role of a Catholic wedding videographer is to not only help document the most important day of your life, but to also create a film that captures the essence of your love for each other and Christ. The beauty of the sacrament of matrimony is most effectively captured when it is preserved in still images, sound and motion. Your wedding day will pass in the blink of an eye, and reflecting on video can reignite the emotion of the wedding day in a unique and powerful way.

A carefully curated video captures the big movements, as well as the little moments, throughout the day. From my videography and photography experience in the wedding industry, I offer five matters to discuss with your videographer for a meaningful, cinematic Catholic wedding video.

Letters & gifts

Many couples choose to share a sentimental letter and gift with their spouse on their wedding day. This usually takes place when the bridal parties are getting ready before the Mass. Wedding videographers often use this opportunity to include a voiceover and to capture the candid reaction of the gift recipient, adding an intimate touch to the final video.

Prayer

Maybe it's your bridesmaids getting together to pray over you after your dress reveal, praying with your parents in the rectory, or doing a "first touch" to hold hands and pray with your fiancé before walking down the aisle. Whichever prayer you decide to include on your wedding day, schedule these events and determine whether you’d like these moments to be private or recorded for your wedding film.

Tripods during the Mass

Each parish may have different guidelines for videography. I recommend that the bride, groom, priest, and videographer have a conversation about how to best collaborate for the wedding ceremony. I like to visit the church ahead of time to see the space and to speak with the priest about my intentions, so I can best respect both the liturgy and the couple.

For non-Catholic videographers, the restrictions at many parishes can be unfamiliar and challenging to navigate. Most of the time, the priests and wedding coordinator at the parish will happily work with you and your videographer to discuss creative, respectful ways to film the Mass. Consider how multiple tripods in varying areas of the church can capture different angles and perspectives. The primary intention of video at the nuptial Mass is to capture the liturgy and the couple’s encounter with Christ.

Collaboration with other vendors

When you hire a videographer, it is helpful to connect them with your other wedding vendors. When vendors can coordinate their timeline and discuss shooting styles or other important details, they can work together to minimize distractions on the big day. If the photographer and videographer come from different teams, it is important that they plan and work in harmony with a spirit of community, rather than competing for the best shot. Your introducing them to one another facilitates the best outcomes for collaboration.

Audio & music

The audio and music soundtrack will be added to your video during the editing process. For spoken audio, many videographers use wireless microphones—this will also need to be discussed with your priest, so he can plan to wear a small microphone in his cassock during the ceremony. You can have a dreamy wedding video, but if the audio is off, the whole video can fall apart.

Bear in mind many videographers are not able to use popular music due to licensing restrictions. There are plenty of romantic, cinematic instrumental songs your videographer can choose to showcase the mood of your wedding. If there is a song or genre you prefer, speak to your videographer about using original music. And remember our Church’s rich tradition of liturgical music is an amazing accompaniment for video!

With a coordinated plan and strong communication between the bride, groom, priest, and vendors, your wedding day can be preserved in a way that captures the essence of your love for each other, cultivates your devotion to Christ and the beauty of the faith, and elicits strong emotion for years to come.

I encourage you to prayerfully consider the suggestions above when working with your Catholic wedding videographer. I wish you joy, peace and patience as you prepare for this sacred sacrament of marriage!

Recently engaged? Consider including a "How We Met" engagement video during your engagement photography session! If you desire to share your story, a video is a creative and fun way to invite others to witness your relationship and journey towards holiness.

VIDEOGRAPHY: LAURENTINA PHOTOGRAPHY

About the Author: Laura Kuah is a wedding photographer + videographer and owner of Laurentina Photography, Spoken Bride Vendor, and Catholic convert from the Washington, D.C. area. She was introduced to the Catholic faith during a semester abroad in Orvieto, Italy while living with Italian Catholic Sisters. When she is not behind the camera, Laura enjoys being outdoors, visiting art museums, growing succulents and playing with her sweet tabby cat, Gioia.

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January 17, 2019

Pursuing Wedding Day Perfection with Humility

January 17, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

EVAN KRISTIANSEN

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast on 11/3/2020.

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Each day from January 13-20, Spoken Bride's distinctively Catholic wedding vendors will be featured through Instagram takeovers and contributions on the blog.

Are you recently engaged? We invite you to learn more about the gifted wedding industry professionals who partner with us through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide.

While I was at Mass recently, I was reminded why Jesus says of children, "The kingdom of God belongs to such as these" (Luke 18:16).

PHOTOGRAPHY: EVAN KRISTIANSEN PHOTOGRAPHY — PHOTOGRAPHY: *EVAN KRISTIANSEN PHOTOGRAPHY*

Next to me, my three-year-old niece was reading a children's missal and following along during the liturgy. When we reached the consecration, the missal described it as the point of the Mass where "the real Jesus" appears.

My niece started looking intently around the church. I glanced over at her, sitting on my mother's lap, and watched her eyes slowly fill with tears. I asked what was wrong, and she explained that she "could't find him. Where's the real Jesus?" She burst into tears, burying her face in my mother's shoulder.

My niece had such a desire to meet Jesus in person that she broke down when she couldn’t find him.

As my mother was comforting her, probably trying to think of a way to explain the mystery of the Real Presence to a three-year-old, I reflected on my own posture toward the Eucharist, the “source and summit of the Christian life.” (CCC 1324)

The Eucharist, truly God in body, blood, soul, and divinity, is available seven days a week at my local Catholic parish. When was the last time I wept with childlike longing because I couldn't receive? When was the last time I chose to commit a sin, knowing full well that it would interfere in my relationship with the Lord?

I think that couples preparing for marriage should regularly do a similar reflection. It can be so easy to get distracted by details during wedding planning that couples forget to ask, “what is this day about?” and “who is this day for?”

It might not seem like the best place to begin planning a wedding, or even thinking about marriage, but a thorough examination of your motivations and your personal failings will ultimately help you grow toward a more Christian relationship, a more relaxed attitude toward your wedding, and a better and holier life.

So, let's humble ourselves, shall we? There are three things that are important keep in mind when planning the “perfect wedding:”

You are not perfect, and neither is your future spouse.

"For there is no distinction, all have sinned and are deprived of the glory of God" (Romans 3:22-23).

Besides Jesus and Mary (“Our tainted nature’s solitary boast”), there have been no perfect people. You and your partner are likely (though we strive against it with all our hearts) to commit sins in the time that you are together--worse, the two of you are likely to commit sins that directly affect your relationship.

You are right to expect your future spouse to be striving for the perfection of virtue, just as you should be, but keep in mind the verse above: all have sinned.

The “Good News” is that Christ has provided us with the answer to these struggles: himself. He, being the truly perfect spouse of the Church, humbled himself and hung on the cross for our sins. Shown in this amazing act of ultimate love, he greatly desires your conversion of heart.

Have you accepted this truth, and gone to confession recently? Make plans with your future spouse to go together, and definitely before your wedding! Jesus gave the apostles the ability to bind and loose sins (Matthew 16:19), and the priest at your local parish has this same faculty, inherited by merit of his ordination. Our contrition can be expressed to that priest, acting in the person of Christ, and through genuine repentance we can be given absolution for any sin, big or small.

That we can be confident in God’s forgiveness through the sacramental ministry of the Church, is one of the most beautiful things about our Catholic faith! Furthermore, you can view going to confession as a powerful step toward a holier, healthier, and happier relationship with your beloved.

With a little bit of humility about our own imperfections and a repentant confession, our sins are washed away and our souls made clean. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?

It is important to strive to do for your future spouse what Christ does for us. Forgive your partner when they've done wrong, even if they don't “deserve it.” *

However, I have found that it is easier to see imperfections in others than in ourselves. Stephen Covey, in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, says "We [then] judge ourselves by our motives—and others by their behavior." Ask first if your partner’s actions can be seen in another light, or recognize that they may not be motivated by malicious intent at all.

Then examine yourself and ask when you last failed to live up to the call God had planned for you. Act from that place of humility, rather than on your first instincts.

Remember to ask forgiveness for the wrongs that you have done them. Make the first move, in love, and you may resolve conflicts much more quickly. If you make this pattern of humility a regular exercise, you will see the fruits of Christ's mercy in your relationship.

Your wedding won't be perfect, either.

"When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, 'they have no wine.'" (John 2:3)

Being a wedding photographer can be a surprisingly intimate experience. I am hired to capture details of someone's life that they often don't share with others. The privilege of listening in on earnest prayers, capturing tears of joy and happiness, and witnessing the unification of two lives is an honor I receive with great gratitude.

When I take photos, I try to capture the feeling of the day as the couple experiences it. Bright colors, white dresses, beautiful decorations, and smiling faces are all mainstays of wedding photography. But as with many forms of media, it is easy to get the impression that these perfect images mean a picture-perfect day.

Ask any of your married friends about their wedding, and they will tell you (usually after gushing, "It was wonderful!") all about the myriad of small mistakes that were made during planning, at the rehearsal, and even on the big day.

In six years as a wedding photographer, I have never seen a perfectly executed wedding. I have seen mistakes and "imperfections" ranging from the very small (processing down the aisle in the wrong order) to the very large (a church so hot that the mother of the groom was hospitalized).

There will be mistakes made at your wedding, and no amount of planning may stop them from happening. But if the event isn't perfect, then what unifies the couples that genuinely enjoy their day?

In my experience, these couples are those that see their wedding for what it is: an imperfect event planned by imperfect people crowned with a supernatural reality.

A couple can be married in front of a crowd of five people just as validly as a crowd of five hundred; they can be married for no money just as easily and completely as they can in a wedding that costs a small fortune; they will still be married if their tablecloths aren't the right color, or if that one relative makes a bit of a fuss.

I say these things to free engaged couples from unnecessary worry, not to make them paranoid. If you know, as I do, that an absolutely perfect wedding isn't possible, I hope it allows you to relax and remember the purpose of the day: getting married to your bride or groom. Everything else is ancillary.

With this in mind, I advise my couples to schedule ten minutes together after the ceremony without the photographer, wedding planner, mother-in-law, or any guests. The goal is to take in the reality that you are married. Kiss each other, pray together, and then face the rest of your wedding day knowing that whatever else happens, you are now one flesh!

No mistake of planning, no social faux pas, and no guest falling face first into your wedding cake will change that reality. See this as an opportunity for humility. Give this special day to your spouse, to your families, and to God. Be confident that, whatever else may happen, God has already accomplished the work of the day.

And so, acknowledging all this human imperfection, what is the proper response?

The response to our imperfection: Humility.

"Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." (Exodus 3:5)

Humility. But is it really that easy? To let all material worries go, and achieve the elusive "perfect joy" of St. Francis? No, it is not, but relinquishing control to God is a huge first step. It is a step to eventually embracing humility as a permanent feature of your life.

If pride is the source of all sin, and humility is the virtue that directly combats pride, then embracing humility is a sure route to fighting sin in your relationships with your beloved and with God.

Humility thinks first of what your partner needs instead of what you want. Even when their actions are wrongly ordered, humility means forgiving your spouse as you have been forgiven by God.* Humility means holding yourself to a higher standard before encouraging your beloved to do the same. Finally, humility means allowing yourself to be forgiven, both by God and your future spouse, so that you can move past your failings and “live in the truth [of humility]” as Teresa of Avila says.

So, let us live in the truth, and humble ourselves before God.

Place all of the logistics at the feet of the Lord, enjoy your wedding as it is, and you'll find that the day is made perfect by God present in your union, even without all the perfect trappings.

Oh, and that planning detail you’re currently fretting over? Forget it. I give you permission!

*In each place where this asterisk appears, the following is a necessary inclusion: The mandate to forgive one another is universal, but there is no such mandate to stay in abusive (physically or emotionally) or dangerous (spiritually or physically) relationships. Please discuss these kinds of issues with friends, family, your priest, a therapist, and/or law enforcement personnel.

About the Author: Evan shoots timeless photography and serves the Boston and New England areas. He is available for travel and specializes in Catholic clients. Born in Norway, Evan has 15 years' experience, including six years' worth of shooting weddings. With a great hope in sacramental marriage, he sees love as "making a complete and unreserved gift of yourself to the other."

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January 14, 2019

3 Questions to Ask Before Choosing a Wedding Date

January 14, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

JULIANA TOMLINSON

Each day from January 13-20, Spoken Bride's distinctively Catholic wedding vendors will be featured through Instagram takeovers and written contributions on the blog.

Are you recently engaged? We invite you to learn more about the gifted wedding industry professionals who partner with us through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide.

You are engaged, showing off your ring, celebrating with family and friends, and it quickly becomes time to answer your first big wedding planning question: when will we get married?

PHOTOGRAPHY: JULIANA TOMLINSON PHOTOGRAPHY — PHOTOGRAPHY: *JULIANA TOMLINSON PHOTOGRAPHY*

Some couples decide to get married quickly, while others take a year (or more) to say I do. There is no rule about how long you should be engaged--no right or wrong. There is only right or wrong for you.

So how long should you wait from the day you say yes until the day you say I do? I offer three considerations to answer this question.

Do we have a budget?

If the Lord has placed the desire in your heart to get married--and soon--do not be afraid because you don’t have the money. The most important thing is receiving the sacrament. Whether you find vendors that will work with your budget, plan a DIY event, or enlist the help of friends and family members, answer the call from the Lord. As a photographer, I can assure you there are wedding vendors with any budget range.

Many couples prefer to save money before jumping right into planning their special day. Again, there’s no right and wrong, but I want to remind you that preparing to get married and to receive the holy sacrament of matrimony is more important than planning your wedding. Take time to discern spiritual and logistical goals for your engagement with your fiancé, then determine a budget and timeline that supports those goals.

Is our foundation solid?

Maybe you are afraid to answer this question because you love your fiancé so much, you know you want to spend forever with him or her, but you are also aware that you need to build a strong foundation first. If this is true, don’t feel pressured to schedule your date just yet. Take time to go to adoration together, pray, talk to your priest and ask him to guide you through this season until you are ready.

There is nothing wrong with waiting if the Lord is asking you to prepare.

For me, this is the most important question couples should honestly answer. Without a foundation, a stable house can not be built. And if one decides to go ahead and build without laying the foundation first, it is very likely that the house won’t stand for long.

Have we asked the Lord?

This may seem obvious, but taking important decisions to prayer with the Lord is so important. He cares for us so much, and he is the one who has called you into this beautiful vocation. Rest assured he has the answer.

Spend some time with our Lord, do a novena with your fiancé, and quietly pray together. Let our heavenly Father guide you. He will answer and let you know how much time you need for your engagement . Perhaps some detail you desire at your wedding is only available at a certain time of year, for example. Trust the ways he shows you his perfect plan. Trust the moments when you are filled with peace.

Beyond conversations and discernment with your fiancé ,our Church is rich in resources to help engaged couples prepare for marriage. Pre-Cana retreats or marriage preparation classes help to build a foundation and resources though your archdiocese, parish, mentors, and other Catholic organizations support your preparation for marriage.

Do not be afraid as you run toward the sacraments and the teachings of the Church in your preparations to become one as husband and wife!

About the Author: Juliana Tomlinson is a Catholic Wedding Photographer from Brazil who lives with her Husband Greg, her miracle baby boy Theo and fur baby, Arthur, in Lancaster, PA.

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January 10, 2019

Vendors Share | Perspective from the Professionals

January 10, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

Spoken Bride’s Vendor Week begins on January 13 and continues through January 20. Every day, our vendors will be featured through Instagram takeovers and written contributions on the blog. We invite you to learn more about the gifted wedding industry professionals who partner with us through Spoken Bride’s Vendor Guide.

In anticipation of Vendor Week, at the start of this engagement season, we asked a group of Catholic wedding vendors to share their insider’s perspectives and opinions for this special edition Q&A.

What is one tip you would offer a bride on her wedding day?

Steve Dalgetty, Photographer, An Endless Pursuit: Be present. It's hard to let go of perfection when you've poured so much time and money into a wedding. I've seen lots of couples miss out on truly experiencing the joy of the day because of stress around maintaining expectations for logistics, weather or details. Establish the mindset beforehand that no matter what happens you are going to let go and just be present to experience the mind-blowing awesomeness of the sacrament and what's happening in the moment (pro tip: this will also translate to better candid photos).

Derek Hall, DJ, The Block Party: Wind it up and let it go the day of. One way or another your new vocation starts and the rest is what you make of it.

Try to smile, laugh, and dance your way through all of it, joyful or otherwise.

Claire Watson, Photographer, Claire Watson Photography: Use vendors that will make your day easier—don't try to DIY everything in effort to save money so you can have a bigger wedding. It's A-okay to cut your guest list to have a smaller, but more relaxed wedding where you're not in charge of baking the cake, decorating the reception site, and making your own bouquet.

Kate Costello, Photographer: Trust and lean into the professionals you've hired. They pour their hearts into their work on a daily basis, and and their talent and passion will help you create a beautifully unique day.

If you could plan your wedding now, what is one thing you would be sure to do?

Steve: I would have hired a dream team for photography and video, and maybe even gone into debt over this. To save money, we paid a friend (currency used: Starbucks gift cards and cigarettes!) who had never photographed a wedding before and it's so regrettable. If I did it today, I'd hire Brad & Jen Photography and We Are The Parsons for video.

If I got to pick a second thing I would have bought my own custom suit. This is more of a recent wedding trend, but in 2009 I ended up with the cliché Men's Warehouse tux, complete with groomsmen in shiny vests that matched the bridesmaids dress colors. It's painful to look at. My bride looked like the most stunning person in the entire world, and I looked I was dressed to go to prom.

Derek: Our biggest priority when we planned our wedding was to put as much love and thought into the Mass as we did the reception. This is a rare opportunity to share our faith and its importance to our relationship with lots of family and friends who have never been to or not been to a mass in years. We wanted to let the beauty of a normal Mass shine. This would still be our biggest hope.

Claire: I'd cut the guest list down. We wanted a par-tay and ended up with a guest list larger than most local venues could accommodate, so we found a bare-bones reception hall that we spent all this effort decorating. We could have slashed the guest list (many people that we haven't seen since) and booked a place that had décor and catering locked down instead of having to piecemeal everything. It would have been a more relaxed engagement and wedding day.

Kate:

Stay focused on the the things most important to the two of you as a couple.

Temecula wedding carrie mcguire photography (34 of 64).jpg

What is your favorite moment of a wedding day?

Steve: It's different for every single wedding. I’ll go with the groom reading a letter from the bride before the wedding. It's so moving and fun to see everything sink in and watch his face covey, Oh my gosh, this is really happening and I'm the luckiest man alive!

Derek: The last few minutes of the day as last hugs are given, things are cleaned up, and people breathe in a different way. You see families and close friends help finish things up, the exhaustion of a great, long day, and the beginning of marriage after the wedding. It's not always perfect or great, and I'm always feeling like I just crossed the finish line of a marathon and praying it was enough, it was what my couple hoped for, but it tells you so much about the couple and their tribe.

Claire: After shooting a ton of weddings, I've finally come to realization that there is no one, perfect, gotta-have-it moment across the board.

My favorite moment in each wedding takes me by surprise, and it’s why I've always got to be on my feet and on my game to capture it.

Kate: Those few minutes when the bride and groom reach the altar and realize, this is it. They can't stop smiling—or crying.

What are your recommendations for ways grooms-to-be can become more involved in the wedding planning process?

Steve: Wedding receptions can be so customized now that a groom might be surprised how much opportunity he has to personalize the experience based on things he loves. What is he passionate about? I

f a groom loves music, then let him run with the reception entertainment. If he's creative or artistic, encourage him to go research photography or videography vendors. If he loves craft beer or bourbon then let him figure out how to incorporate that into the drink menu. I think most grooms think of things like flowers and stationary when they think of wedding planning.

Like most things in marriage, a couple should figure out their complimentary strengths and passions and then align planning responsibilities to that.

Derek: Flowers and frills may not be a groom's thing, but there are many areas where he can support his future bride. So much of a wedding day is ultimately a thank you note to the people who got him to this point: to marry an amazing woman. Jump in. Put together a Spotify list of songs you both love for reception inspiration. Pick a song that means a lot to both of you as a first dance suggestion. Work on the readings and dig a little bit deeper. There are many day-of items where a little effort will go a long way.

More importantly, take the preparation seriously. Honestly discuss things that come up. Be vulnerable. Be a leader. Say lots of thank you’s to those who help put everything together, especially your soon-to-be wife. Ultimately, it's just the two of you, as partners, each other's first draft pick to get them to heaven. That's what really matters.

Claire: Fellas, realize that when you participate in wedding planning, you are essentially saying to your bride, What can I do to celebrate you becoming my wife? What can I do to make that day one step closer?

Is it to call the church and set up meetings? Is it to price out caterers? Is it to get some recommendations for DJs from friends that got married last year? Is it to make a date night out of sitting down to choose your readings? Remind each other often that the labor of planning a wedding is from a heart of service to your future spouse and family.

Kate: Brides-to-be, invite him into the process. Go for a cup of coffee or make it a lunch date, and make it a point to ask him what his top three priorities are for the day. Then, ask him to be charge of orchestrating those priorities.

If you could make one song suggestion for every wedding reception, what would it be?

Steve: I'm going to go with the opposite of the question and say that all line dances should be made illegal.

Derek: “Can't Stop the Feeling,” by Justin Timberlake. Little kids know it, adults and grandparents will dance to it, it has such an easy beat to dance to and can mix into so many directions. I can jump into a ton of other great songs and genres, but this song has been a staple near the beginning of my sets since it came out.

Claire: It is nearly impossible to remain seated when "Uptown Funk" comes over the speakers.

Kate: Lionel Richie's "Say You, Say Me."

Follow along with more insights next week on Spoken Bride’s blog and social media. Are you recently engaged? Search Catholic wedding vendors by region and category here.

Images & calligraphy: Sea & Sun Calligraphy

December 12, 2017

Catholic Photographers Share 4 Tips for Your Engagement Session

December 12, 2017/ Editor Spoken Bride

BERNADETTE AND STEVE DALGETTY

For some--if not most--couples, getting your photograph taken can be unnerving! It’s not a common or normal experience. An engagement session is often the first time a couple has ever had professional photographs taken. From us to you, here are four ways to make the most of your engagement portraits so that, first, you and your fiancé receive images you're truly happy with, and second, that you have an incredible time during the actual session. In fact, the second point--having an amazing time--is critical because it directly influences the first--receiving photographs you’ll always cherish.

It's mutual.

Your photographer is going to bring the artistic vision and necessary equipment to create a session that delivers portraits he or she hopes will truly connect with you as a couple, providing something lasting and meaningful for your relationship.

That being said, it’s important to realize that you are co-creators in this process. For your photographer to truly capture amazing images of the real you, the real you needs to show up, ready to join in. In a big way, that means being willing to let your guard down: be vulnerable and share your love, your joy, your laughter, your tears, and your honesty.

Consider: when it's just the two of you alone, and you feel truly connected as a couple, how do you act? How do you laugh? How do you embrace? How do you hold hands? How do you kiss? How do you look at one another?

Focus on those questions instead of on posing or how you think you look. The couple "poses" that look absolutely amazing in final images are usually the ones that simply show a couple being truly themselves, letting their love shine through. Authentic love is about as natural as it gets, and you don’t need to be professional models to convey that.

You just need to be you. Sometimes that's incredibly serious and intimate. Sometimes that's silly jokes and laughing to the point of tears. Whatever it is, let it be you. If you're willing to show that level of vulnerability with your photographer, we promise you are giving them an incredible starting point to create meaningful engagement photos.

Prepare emotionally.

We have been married for eight years. One thing we've realized about our own relationship is that it's crazy hard to just flip an emotional switch, quickly changing from being wrapped up in our individual busy lives to being truly present to one another. There have been times we've gone out on amazing planned date nights, yet haven't connected at all because we weren't in the right state of mind. If our minds are stuck on work, kids, or other life obligations it's impossible to switch on the spot to romantic date mode. The result is that those dates ends up mediocre, at best. For us, as a couple, to go on amazing dates we have to proactively enter into the right state of mind and leave everything else behind.

It's the same for photos. We just advised that you to show up and be your vulnerable, loving selves in front of the camera, but true to our own experience, we don't expect you to flip a switch at the start of your portraits and be able to do that on the spot.

Our best tip for making that transformation a natural one is to consider making the entire day of your session about the two of you, letting your portraits just serve as an extension of an already amazing time. Better yet, make the entire weekend about you! No wedding plans; no talk about work or school or family obligations. Think about the days that have been most incredible for the two of you as a couple, and and identify ways to recreate them.

Spend time doing some things you love, and you’ll show up to your engagement session in that state. It will help you be more present and connected.

Be you.

Dress like you. Be comfortable. Fit the environment.

In other words, if you're going to be exploring fields and trails in the woods, leave the heels at home. If your session will feature a classy evening in the city and you love to dress up, then by all means, get dressed up.

At the end of the day, your clothing choices are not what the session is about. Yet it is important that your attire complements who you are as individuals, without diminishing your comfort level and emotional state.

Unplug.

Leave your phones in the car (unless there's a real emergency reason for you to be on call). Nothing kills being present like getting texted!

Images by the authors, via An Endless Pursuit Photography.

About the Authors: Steve and Bernadette Dalgetty are the husband and wife photography team behind An Endless Pursuit. For the past eight years they have documented stories, celebrating marriage and families throughout the greater Washington DC area and around the country. Steve and Bernadette currently live in a 125 year-old home in Leesburg, Virginia with their three kids. They met in college at Franciscan University of Steubenville, and named their photography business after their dating relationship that took a few tries to get right. They love the world of wedding photography because of the incredible witness it has been for their own marriage, observing the love of couples each weekend and seeing their joy as they make their vows.

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October 17, 2017

Three Reasons to Have a "First Look"

October 17, 2017/ Editor Spoken Bride

JIZA ZITO

We have all heard that it is “bad luck” for the groom to see the bride before the wedding, and many couples take this tradition quite seriously; however, many do not know about the less-than-romantic origins of this tradition.

During the time when arranged marriages were customary, the betrothed couple was not allowed to see each other before the wedding. Marriage, for many families, was essentially a “business deal.”. The father, who was the head of the household, would ideally marry off his daughter to a rich, land-owning male. Once the engagement was contracted, the parents of the bride and groom would keep the couple apart, fearing that if the groom saw the bride before the wedding and found her unattractive, he wouldn’t go through with the marriage. While today we think of the wedding veil as a lovely must-have accessory, its original purpose was also to keep the groom from finding out what the bride looked like until the last possible minute, when it was too late to back out of the transaction. Romantic, huh?

More and more couples today are choosing to buck tradition in favor of the “first look” before the wedding ceremony. While the Church has no definitive stance on first looks, every couple has different reasons as to why they would or would not do a first look. Below are three reasons to consider having a first look, and three alternative ideas to consider if you want to have a moment with your groom before the wedding, while saving the “big reveal” for your walk down the aisle.

Maximize your time for photos without sacrificing time at the reception.

While you may have your photographer for 8-10 hours, it’s amazing how fast time flies on the day of your wedding and how easily the timeline can get sidetracked. Most often, portraits with family and the bridal party take longer than expected, and then the next you know, you only have less than 15 minutes to take romantic images of just you and your groom. When you make the first look a priority, it gives you time for those special portraits without being rushed to your cocktail hour or reception. Especially when you also place a large investment into your wedding photography, getting the time to get more photographs of just you and your groom together and in such a candid and special moment can definitely be worth it!

Diminish pre-wedding nerves.

Some couples have a hard time showing emotion in front of a crowd, and understandably so. There is a lot of emotion mounting up to that moment of seeing each other for the first time. When you do a first look with just you and your groom (and your photographer(s) in the background), it gives you both the chance to be yourselves freely while seeing each other for the first time without a crowd of loved ones snapping iPhone photos.

Get some much-needed alone time with your husband.

The first look allows you and your groom to have some alone time before your day gets busy. Unless you set time aside for it later in the day, it’s the only time you both will be alone on your wedding day until you leave the reception. It can also help set the tone for the perfect mood for romantic portraits. Images of just the two of you are also what you’ll decorate your home with and possibly pass down to family, so it makes sense to spend some quality time taking them

Alternatives to the First Look

While a first look has its many perks, it’s not for every couple. Here are some alternative or additional photography ideas for your big day:

A First Look with Dad or Father Figure

If you’re a self-proclaimed Daddy’s girl, or have a close relationship with another male relative, this is a lovely option to consider. Another idea is also for the father to escort the bride to the first look with the groom.

A First Look with the Bridal Party

You have been through the engagement party, the bridal shower, and the bachelorette party. Now your bridesmaids are excited to see your completed look on your wedding day. Have your photographer catch their reactions as they finally see you dressed as a bride!

The “Reach and Pray”

This one is my personal favorite. It’s a beautiful and meaningful way for a bride and groom to come together before the ceremony while still avoiding the pre-wedding first look. You can hold hands around a corner or a door, or keep your eyes closed in a prayerful exchange in your favorite grotto or side chapel.

No matter what you decide for photographs on your wedding day, communicate with your photographer and make sure you get enough allotted time to capture images of just you and your spouse. These will be the images that you will always cherish.

About the Author: Jiza Zito is Spoken Bride's Creative Director and Co-Founder. She is the owner and wedding photographer of Olive & Cypress. Read more

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Blog

Start Early

Enlist the help of family and friends

Design first, print later

Find the right template

Stand back-to-back

Hold hands

Pray.

Take into account any extra cost

Become familiar with their policies

Contact their wedding coordinator

Get permission from your pastor

Choose your officiant

Make arrangements for marriage prep

Work with the parish when planning your music

Learn a new kind of dance

Pick the perfect song

Do the first dance last

Get great pictures

Letters & gifts

Prayer

Tripods during the Mass

Collaboration with other vendors

Audio & music

You are not perfect, and neither is your future spouse.

Your wedding won't be perfect, either.

The response to our imperfection: Humility.

Do we have a budget?

Is our foundation solid?

Have we asked the Lord?

What is one tip you would offer a bride on her wedding day?

If you could plan your wedding now, what is one thing you would be sure to do?

What is your favorite moment of a wedding day?

What are your recommendations for ways grooms-to-be can become more involved in the wedding planning process?

If you could make one song suggestion for every wedding reception, what would it be?

It's mutual.

Prepare emotionally.

Be you.

Unplug.

Maximize your time for photos without sacrificing time at the reception.

Diminish pre-wedding nerves.

Get some much-needed alone time with your husband.

Alternatives to the First Look

A First Look with Dad or Father Figure

A First Look with the Bridal Party

The “Reach and Pray”

SPOKEN BRIDE