Advice from a DJ | Setting the Tone for the Dance Floor

DEREK HALL

At balls and galas in the past, there was a dance of the time, such as the macarena or cha cha slide. In my opinion, the minuet, quadrille, or polonaise are the best part of any historical fiction show or movie. Historically, the party’s dance would be initiated by the guests of honor, often royalty--then the dance floor would be opened for guests to join. Social dancing is not quite the norm these days, but there is an opportunity to have some fun, relay beauty to your guests, and lead them into your celebration as you twirl about the dance floor.

I loathe being the center of attention; formal dances can be uncomfortable bubble of alone time in the spotlight. As a DJ, I have worked with many couples who want to be on and off of the dance floor as fast as possible. The truth is, you and your new spouse are the guests of honor on the wedding day. As you host your family and friends for the celebration, I encourage you to take on the responsibility of opening the dance floor with your first dances.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Du CASTEL PHOTOGRAPHY

If you’re not having dancing, roll the first die of the board games, butter the first bagel of your brunch, bounce the first bounce in the bouncy house. (Yes, you can now have bouncy castles at your wedding.) The pressures we may feel as the center of attention are most often rooted in our own insecurities; rest assured, the other guests will not hold up scores of your dance at the end of the song.  

The truth is that not everyone is paying extremely  close attention to your movements. Some guests watch with admiration, some eat their cake and drink their coffee, some chat among themselves.

Regardless of the attention span of the crowd, these first dances are  one of the few times during the wedding day to have alone time with your parents or with each other. It is really just about the two of you on the floor. Sharing an intimate experience is not the same thing as being stranded on the dance floor. Dive into the opportunity to be vulnerable together, to create a memory, and to savor a moment. When the song ends, the DJ can easily fade out the song, turn the attention to the guests, and keep things rolling.

Though I don’t always enjoy being the center of attention, I love a good dance party. If we replace our fears with a smile and some joy, we can stir up the best start of a dance party you’ve ever seen. Below I share additional insight and advice from my experiences as a husband and a professional DJ.

Learn a new kind of dance

My wife grew up as an Irish dancer and I did ballroom for several years around college. We decided to do a waltz for our first dance--and later did an Irish dance. We worked on them for several months, but for us it was largely a fun project that was sincere to who we are. It was athletic, challenging, and something to do together outside of grad school and wedding planning.

In practicing the steps, my wife and I learned how to dance the movements of a waltz rather than memorizing specific choreography. If things come off the rails in a choreographed dance, it may be hard to adjust on the spot. Give yourself at least a couple of months to learn some specific steps. Get comfortable making mistakes and moving back into the music. Most people won’t know if you mess up, so follow the leader, laugh at yourselves, and enjoy the process of trying something new. .

Pick the perfect song

The perfect song is unique to each couple.  Often, nostalgia has more value than perfect lyrics. Most often, guests are either distracted during the first dance or are enamored by the loving embrace of the couple to pay attention to the words of the lyrics.

If you and your fiance don’t have a song that is extremely meaningful or appropriate for a first dance, choosing a new song gives you something special that will forever be anchored to your first dance. If you plan to learn a kind of dance--as suggested above--ask a professional for recommendations for types of songs to match with a specific type of dance.  

Do the first dance last

I have emphasized the importance of sharing an intimate moment on the dance floor. But consider that your first dance doesn’t have to last the entire duration of a song. I’ve worked with many couples whose  families don’t have a strong dance party tradition.Here’s my pitch: make a plan for your MC explain that the couple doesn’t want to just share a first dance on their own, but with all of the guests--the friends and family who helped them get here. The first dance immediately becomes communal, inclusive, and fun for everyone.

Your bridal party and immediate families can be a part of the plan, and join you on the dance floor after the first verse and chorus. At the end of the song, the next song should come right on and everyone can come in around you. I have had a couple of these types of starts blend right into an upbeat remix or some great sing-alongs (think “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”).  

Get great pictures

So, we have done something to create community and inclusion of everyone in the room. We are making dancing “the cat’s pajamas,” the thing to do. Grab grandparents for a dance. Sing along to your favorite Spice Girls song you drove around singing with your mom when you were young. Burn it down for 30 minutes. Your photo and video are generally scheduled for a short chunk of dancing, and they can capitalize on this initial time with the guests and guests of honor together on the dance floor.

If we have a slow build or if you disappear from the dance party at the beginning of the celebration , you are missing out on a great chance to create and capture special memories of the night.  Eventually, some people might leave, go back to their dessert, enjoy a drink, or get some fresh air. A good DJ or band will figure out how to keep the party going. When you look back at your photos, your favorites may be from those first 30 minutes of fun. The mood for the night has been set. Anything else is gravy.

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About the Author: Derek is one half of The Block Party, a DJ company specializing in playing vinyl, mixing records, and trying to pour as much warmth and friendship into the vendor process as possible. They have done weddings and events all over the country; when they aren't traveling to throw monster dance parties, Derek and his wife Clare are traveling to visit their nieces and nephews or adventuring as a couple.

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Vendor Spotlight | The Block Party

Derek Hall’s first standing gig as a DJ was in his kitchen. After the twice-weekly dinners he and his college housemates would host for friends, Derek began selecting music for dishes and cleanup--which, he now admits, “was probably just a good ruse to get out of chores!”

Photography: Abbey Moore Photography

No matter the motivation, a hobby was born, and it soon turned into more. Derek spent his college years seeking opportunities to DJ house parties on campus, a process he says involved “finding the house with the most people on the lawn, lugging my stereo system over, and asking if the owners would mind me DJing.”

After graduation, Derek worked as a DJ for several of his housemates’ weddings, fell in love with the craft, and began pursuing as much experience and education as possible. He has studied mixing turntables in New York City and sought out mentors in the field, and Derek and his business partner, Wes, founded The Block Party in 2016.

When an art you love becomes able to meet a need, it’s hard to see the intersection of your gifts and others’ needs as anything but a call. Derek views his business foremost as a vocation--a perspective that brings particular intention, depth, and sincerity to his client experience.

According to Derek, “[this aspect of the job being a vocation] is both our personal journey as we work towards heaven, but also a unique position of being a part of our couples choosing this vocation and helping to send them off on their new journey.

As Catholic vendors with an eye towards this vocation, towards the importance of our faith, and with our hearts pulled towards others on the same path, there is a desire to both support and be supported by peers. To pray for each other. To have one corner of the world to more openly relate on the unique challenges we have while attempting to live our faith in what can be a very secular industry.”

Based in the Ann Arbor and Detroit area, serving Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, Pennsylvania, Illinois, and available for nationwide bookings--Derek and his wife are lovers of travel who dream of visiting every continent and DJing a wedding in every state--The Block Party embodies this spirit of vocation in everything from up-front investment info to their fellow wedding vendor recommendations to Derek’s desire to make each wedding the best he’s ever done, not for his own gratification, but out of a desire to serve his couples. Yet as seriously as he takes his business and calling, Block Party weddings are engineered for fun and celebration, involving vinyl mixing and creative, well-thought out playlists unique to each gathering.

Music has a power to draw our attention to a particular setting and purpose--that’s one reason why liturgical music, with its purpose of worship and contemplation, is appropriate for a nuptial Mass. In a similar way, the music at your reception can do the same, creating an atmosphere of true joy and emotion that points to a deeper reality.

From Derek: DJ culture on the whole pushes me musically, and I've found mentors around the country that have shown me that there is room for a DJ to bring lots of creativity and passion for music to a wedding setting. Redbull Thre3style, Girltalk, and my Block Party partner Wes are all big inspirations musically.

My wife and our relationship are a huge inspiration for how I work with people. I tend to pour my heart into things and she is my filter, knowing my love language inside and out, and helping me to channel my love and energy to best take care of our couples and our friends. She grounds us so we can try out crazy ideas and big trips. Our faith as a couple pushes us to take ownership of each others work, to pray for our couples, and to treat this as a vocation first, and business secondarily. We still work hard to be prudent and have a responsibility to be good stewards of our brand, but we want to eliminate all used car salesman feels from how we work. Being honest from the beginning and pouring everything we have into each night out of passion and love rather than obligation has gotten us where we are.

An interview with Derek

Favorite devotion: The Divine Mercy Chaplet. It's very approachable in both length and content and the end includes optional prayer that is so life giving for me: "Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion — inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself."

Despair, despondency, and a fear of there not being enough compassion are all such powerful things in our lives. This is such a beautiful answer.

By the body and blood of Christ there is enough and we can look for the will of God in our lives.

Favorite part of working on weddings: Nearly everything. Every week is a new puzzle, a completely different combination of family, location, tastes and a hundred other things. I need to take all of that and bring those people together the best I can, and of course try to foster all the dancing. Weddings are a perfect for playing anything that comes to mind because it is such a celebration of people's lives. We can be playful, nostalgic, and really pull out emotional responses just by playing certain songs.

[DJing] is also the perfect outlet for my love language of wanting to give gifts. It is so rewarding to pour years of experience and practice into one night, hopefully making it the best I've ever had, for that couple.

Favorite wedding-day memory: My wife and I did our first look on a dock...on a frozen lake...with a nerf gun duel that she didn't know about till that morning. There are so many parts of the day I still love, that were beautiful capsules of our relationships with our friends and family. We did a waltz and an Irish dance together that were also a ton of fun.

On my bucket list: Travel to all continents with my wife, spend 3-6 months abroad in one chunk, and DJ a wedding in every state—this combines my loves of travel, people, and DJing into one nice goal

Favorite place I’ve traveled: Ethiopia. I've been blessed to a do a bit of travel, but this trip was quietly brewing for over a decade. My wife spent a few years in Kenya when she was little and her parents were doing mission work. Her heart has always been tugged towards doing work in Africa, and when we were in undergrad, as best friends, I'd tell her someday she'd find a guy who would get it and be up for the adventure with her. All this time later when we finally decided to date and then marry, and I was that guy, we made a trip to Ethiopia for a week of work, and a week of exploring. It gave me so much more context of who she is.

Favorite music: Music is so hard. I love how much music timestamps life. I love learning and growing my music tastes. It's my job, but I also love almost any music I come across.

Favorite food: Grilled chicken, pierogies, or salad work any night and are easy to make for guests. Or anything my brother makes. He's a chef in LA and has changed my world about food as an art and science.

 I root for...the Pittsburgh Steelers, who I’ve been watching with my wife forever, the Detroit Pistons, and Detroit Tigers. I love basketball.

Love means...Love is not a feeling or an emotion. So many things happen in life that can quickly totally shake or even break your snowglobe. Depression, putting on weight, losing jobs, and other struggles are things that can happen in life, especially when you are around a friend or a spouse for a long time.  You aren't broken if you can't feel. Even in our faith, sometimes we can feel cold and don't feel on fire. God sticks with us and is patient. He offers forgiveness and has shown us how there is beauty and love in sacrifice and pain. Love means persistence, a gentle heart, and vision of someone that goes beyond the last few moments to know the beauty and value they have. Love is doing what we can to get our spouse to heaven.

VIDEOGRAPHY: HEART + SOUL

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Vendors Share | Perspective from the Professionals

Spoken Bride’s Vendor Week begins on January 13 and continues through January 20. Every day, our vendors will be featured through Instagram takeovers and written contributions on the blog. We invite you to learn more about the gifted wedding industry professionals who partner with us through Spoken Bride’s Vendor Guide.

In anticipation of Vendor Week, at the start of this engagement season, we asked a group of Catholic wedding vendors to share their insider’s perspectives and opinions for this special edition Q&A.

What is one tip you would offer a bride on her wedding day?

Steve Dalgetty, Photographer, An Endless Pursuit: Be present. It's hard to let go of perfection when you've poured so much time and money into a wedding. I've seen lots of couples miss out on truly experiencing the joy of the day because of stress around maintaining expectations for logistics, weather or details. Establish the mindset beforehand that no matter what happens you are going to let go and just be present to experience the mind-blowing awesomeness of the sacrament and what's happening in the moment (pro tip: this will also translate to better candid photos).

Derek Hall, DJ, The Block Party: Wind it up and let it go the day of. One way or another your new vocation starts and the rest is what you make of it.

Try to smile, laugh, and dance your way through all of it, joyful or otherwise.

Claire Watson, Photographer, Claire Watson Photography: Use vendors that will make your day easier—don't try to DIY everything in effort to save money so you can have a bigger wedding. It's A-okay to cut your guest list to have a smaller, but more relaxed wedding where you're not in charge of baking the cake, decorating the reception site, and making your own bouquet.

Kate Costello, Photographer: Trust and lean into the professionals you've hired. They pour their hearts into their work on a daily basis, and and their talent and passion will help you create a beautifully unique day.

If you could plan your wedding now, what is one thing you would be sure to do?

Steve: I would have hired a dream team for photography and video, and maybe even gone into debt over this. To save money, we paid a friend (currency used: Starbucks gift cards and cigarettes!) who had never photographed a wedding before and it's so regrettable. If I did it today, I'd hire Brad & Jen Photography and We Are The Parsons for video.

If I got to pick a second thing I would have bought my own custom suit. This is more of a recent wedding trend, but in 2009 I ended up with the cliché Men's Warehouse tux, complete with groomsmen in shiny vests that matched the bridesmaids dress colors. It's painful to look at. My bride looked like the most stunning person in the entire world, and I looked I was dressed to go to prom.

Derek: Our biggest priority when we planned our wedding was to put as much love and thought into the Mass as we did the reception. This is a rare opportunity to share our faith and its importance to our relationship with lots of family and friends who have never been to or not been to a mass in years. We wanted to let the beauty of a normal Mass shine. This would still be our biggest hope.

Claire: I'd cut the guest list down. We wanted a par-tay and ended up with a guest list larger than most local venues could accommodate, so we found a bare-bones reception hall that we spent all this effort decorating. We could have slashed the guest list (many people that we haven't seen since) and booked a place that had décor and catering locked down instead of having to piecemeal everything. It would have been a more relaxed engagement and wedding day.

Kate:

Stay focused on the the things most important to the two of you as a couple.

What is your favorite moment of a wedding day?

Steve: It's different for every single wedding. I’ll go with the groom reading a letter from the bride before the wedding. It's so moving and fun to see everything sink in and watch his face covey, Oh my gosh, this is really happening and I'm the luckiest man alive!

Derek: The last few minutes of the day as last hugs are given, things are cleaned up, and people breathe in a different way. You see families and close friends help finish things up, the exhaustion of a great, long day, and the beginning of marriage after the wedding. It's not always perfect or great, and I'm always feeling like I just crossed the finish line of a marathon and praying it was enough, it was what my couple hoped for, but it tells you so much about the couple and their tribe.

Claire: After shooting a ton of weddings, I've finally come to realization that there is no one, perfect, gotta-have-it moment across the board.

My favorite moment in each wedding takes me by surprise, and it’s why I've always got to be on my feet and on my game to capture it.

Kate: Those few minutes when the bride and groom reach the altar and realize, this is it. They can't stop smiling—or crying.

What are your recommendations for ways grooms-to-be can become more involved in the wedding planning process?

Steve: Wedding receptions can be so customized now that a groom might be surprised how much opportunity he has to personalize the experience based on things he loves. What is he passionate about? I

f a groom loves music, then let him run with the reception entertainment. If he's creative or artistic, encourage him to go research photography or videography vendors. If he loves craft beer or bourbon then let him figure out how to incorporate that into the drink menu. I think most grooms think of things like flowers and stationary when they think of wedding planning.

Like most things in marriage, a couple should figure out their complimentary strengths and passions and then align planning responsibilities to that.

Derek: Flowers and frills may not be a groom's thing, but there are many areas where he can support his future bride. So much of a wedding day is ultimately a thank you note to the people who got him to this point: to marry an amazing woman. Jump in. Put together a Spotify list of songs you both love for reception inspiration. Pick a song that means a lot to both of you as a first dance suggestion. Work on the readings and dig a little bit deeper. There are many day-of items where a little effort will go a long way.

More importantly, take the preparation seriously. Honestly discuss things that come up. Be vulnerable. Be a leader. Say lots of thank you’s to those who help put everything together, especially your soon-to-be wife. Ultimately, it's just the two of you, as partners, each other's first draft pick to get them to heaven. That's what really matters.

Claire: Fellas, realize that when you participate in wedding planning, you are essentially saying to your bride, What can I do to celebrate you becoming my wife? What can I do to make that day one step closer?

Is it to call the church and set up meetings? Is it to price out caterers? Is it to get some recommendations for DJs from friends that got married last year? Is it to make a date night out of sitting down to choose your readings? Remind each other often that the labor of planning a wedding is from a heart of service to your future spouse and family.

Kate: Brides-to-be, invite him into the process. Go for a cup of coffee or make it a lunch date, and make it a point to ask him what his top three priorities are for the day. Then, ask him to be charge of orchestrating those priorities.

If you could make one song suggestion for every wedding reception, what would it be?

Steve: I'm going to go with the opposite of the question and say that all line dances should be made illegal.

Derek: “Can't Stop the Feeling,” by Justin Timberlake. Little kids know it, adults and grandparents will dance to it, it has such an easy beat to dance to and can mix into so many directions. I can jump into a ton of other great songs and genres, but this song has been a staple near the beginning of my sets since it came out.

Claire: It is nearly impossible to remain seated when "Uptown Funk" comes over the speakers.

Kate: Lionel Richie's "Say You, Say Me."

Follow along with more insights next week on Spoken Bride’s blog and social media. Are you recently engaged? Search Catholic wedding vendors by region and category here.

Images & calligraphy: Sea & Sun Calligraphy