A Note from Our Creative Director | Exercising Discernment Through Seasons of Life

JIZA ZITO

“All the things in this world are gifts of God, created for us, to be the means by which we can come to know him better, love him more surely, and serve him more faithfully.” - St. Ignatius of Loyola

Does discernment end after you have “found” your vocation? Perhaps this is not a common question that comes to mind for the days after you say I do.

Photography: Lauren Emily Photography

However, with today’s dating culture and its overemphasis of “finding the one” or the pressure that can be found among some social circles to “figure out” one’s vocation, it could almost seem like once you have made the choice to commit to your future spouse it is the end of discernment. The reality could not be more opposite. 

The exercising of proper discernment is essential in our life as Christians. Discernment helps us be aware of ourselves as we progress in our relationship with God, to better understand the promptings of the Holy Spirit in our lives, and to take action in order to grow in holiness and to serve others and Christ.

St. Paul often mentions the necessity of discernment throughout the New Testament (see 1 Thessalonians 5:21, 1 Corinthians 12, Hebrews 4-5, Romans 12:2). St. John touches on discernment in the Gospel (see 1 John 4), and the topic was important enough for St. Ignatius of Loyola to include Rules of Discernment within his Spiritual Exercises. Discernment gives the Christian life proper, right, and fruitful order.

At the start of my photography business in 2014, my prayer at the time was to serve married couples, initially assuming that this was exclusively meant for my small business.

However, I recognized a need for community and support among Catholic creatives within the wedding industry, and I realized an even greater need to share the beauty, truth and goodness of the sacrament of matrimony to a world starting to severely undervalue the sanctity of marriage.

What started as a seed grew into something much bigger than myself. By the grace of God, Spoken Bride came into fruition. 

Over the years, Spoken Bride has flourished through the sharing of hundreds of beautiful stories and articles from couples, the showcasing of exquisite work by an abundance of talented vendors, and the many connections created with ministries and organizations serving the Body of Christ. My time building Spoken Bride has been sustained and edified by the brilliant and dedicated women who have served as team members and have become friends throughout the years, as well as by the many steadfast prayers offered for us on our behalf.

We have received countless notes of encouragement, sharing with us how Spoken Bride has touched or helped brides, which is always a welcomed gift of affirmation in the midst of the hustle and bustle of our work. Reflecting back on the years and on the work the Holy Spirit has done through us, I feel nothing but humbled, grateful, and at peace. 

Discerning the will of God has now brought this beautiful season of my time with Spoken Bride to a close as he is moving me on to serve on other paths. It is with sweet surrender that I look with excitement, hope and thanksgiving to my own future as well as the future of Spoken Bride.

Entrusted to Our Lady and the patronage of Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin, I have no doubt that the work of Spoken Bride will continue to be a light in the darkness. Please keep myself and the team of Spoken Bride in your prayers as we embark on to new chapters. 

God is always good and faithful, and by prayer, he grants “peace that is beyond all understanding” (Phil 4:7). To re-emphasize St. Ignatius of Loyola, one of the greatest consolations from discernment and our greatest earthly reward is this: Coming to know that “all the things in this world are gifts of God, created for us, to be the means by which we can come to know him better, love him more surely, and serve him more faithfully.” 

Jiza’s Suggested Reading:

Discernment of Spirits in Marriage: Ignatian Wisdom for Husbands and Wives by Fr. Timothy Gallagher

Spiritual Warfare and The Discernment of Spirits by Dan Burke

The Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius

Conversation with Christ: The Teaching of Saint Teresa of Avila About Personal Prayer by Peter Thomas Rohrbach

Surviving Social Distancing as a Married Couple

The world has been thrust into a season of uncertainty as we deal with the fallout of a global pandemic. 

Navigating these changes like social distancing measures put in place to help slow the spread of the disease isn’t easy. 

Here are some pieces from our archives that we hope will help and encourage you and your spouse during this challenging time.

PHOTOGRAPHY: TRUTH AND BEAUTY PHOTOGRAPHY

Health + Self-Care

Establishing a bedtime routine with your spouse | Professional Resources to Support Your Marriage | Hobby Ideas for Couples | 4 Secular Novels Featuring Insights into Authentic Love + Catholic Marriage | Fun Reads Featuring Strong Marriages | The Bookish Catholic Bride’s Guide to Good Podcasts | Increase the Quality in Quality Time | The Power of Childlike Play in Marriage

Prayer

How to Plan and Enjoy A Sabbath as a Couple | Establishing a Prayer Routine | Creating a Prayer Space in Your Home | Creative Ways to Pray for Your Spouse | What Does Sacrifice Look Like in the Everyday? | Modeling the Catholic Home in the Monastic Style| How and Why to Consider Bringing an Examen Prayer into Your Relationship | When Sacrifice Feels Like Too Much

Communication

The Art of the Apology | Actively Listening to Your Spouse | Tips for Forgiving Your Spouse | How to Talk About Your Spouse | The Habit of Affirmation |The Learning Curve of Communication + The Learning Curve of Prayer |What are the Non-Negotiables in your Relationship? | How to Connect with Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy| Questions to Foster Emotional Intimacy | How to Avoid Fights About Money | Avoiding the “Four Horsemen” in Marriage | Cultivating the Spirit of Newlyweds Across Time

Encouragement

God’s Ways Are Not Our Ways: Encouragement to Endure| Do You Suffer Well Together? | You Are More Than Your Imperfections | Death to Control Freaks: Inviting Trust + Selflessness Into Newlywed Life| Becoming the Sacrament | Finding Heaven in a One Bedroom Apartment

To You, Our Community, in This Time of Uncertainty.

It’s hard to know what to say as the state of our physical, social, and emotional wellbeing seemingly changes by the day amidst the coronavirus pandemic.

Photography: Pillar & Pearl

In this desert, it’s normal, and alright, to feel heavy-hearted: concern for loved ones, especially the vulnerable and those working in essential industries. Anxiety over sickness and suffering. Social loneliness. Cancellation of Masses and the sacraments. The delay and uncertainty of long-anticipated milestones, including weddings.

From all of us at Spoken Bride to you, our community of readers, we see you.

We feel the pain and helplessness of your engagement and wedding looking different than you imagined; at the prospect of few to no guests in attendance; of delaying your wedding date or honeymoon; at confusion over deposits made and vendors booked. Our team members and vendor community hold you in prayer, wishing so deeply that we could offer concrete support along with the spiritual.

The answers to these wedding-related challenges might not be easily determined in the coming months. Yet through it all, the certainty of the Father’s love is as relentless and unchanging as ever. 

As we adjust to a new normal of social distancing and self-quarantine--a literal turn toward the interior--we’re here alongside you in striving to embrace this time as an invitation; a new depth of spiritual interiority and trust in God’s unceasingly merciful care.

We’re also here for you, in solidarity and practical assistance. Together we’ll navigate the challenges of decision-making and the practicals of adjusting your expectations and wedding plans, sharing insights from our team members and vendors here on Spoken Bride’s blog and on our social media.

Don’t hesitate to reach out with your intentions and to tell us your stories during this season of unrest. We want to hear how you and your beloved are entering into social distance, whether you’re together or apart, who we can pray for, and what changes your wedding plans have undergone. 

As we learn to move forward, life feels a little in a state of suspension. The edge of the dawn; during Lent, no less. Join us in praying the Sisters of Life’s Litany of Trust, knowing we are his beloved and that surrender brings peace.

6 Tips for Planning a Wedding Novena

KIKI HAYDEN

You know you’re Catholic when you say a novena for (almost) every occasion. If you never have before, it’s not too late to start!

Photography: Noteworthy Expressions

A novena is a prayer said over nine days, usually for a specific intention. Spending nine days in prayer is an intimate way to invite the Lord into your daily life, whether in thanksgiving or petition. Novenas can be prayed in anticipation of favorite feast days, birthdays, baptisms, holidays, and--of course--weddings. A wedding novena is a beautiful way to unite in prayer with your future spouse, your friends, and your family as you prepare to enter your vocation.

Here, a step by step process for creating a personal wedding novena.

Decide when to pray your novena.

Novena prayers are a powerful way to enter into preparation for your vocation. You can pray a novena early on, just after engagement or betrothal. Developing a habit of prayer early in your engagement keeps Jesus at the front of your mind amidst the overwhelm of wedding planning.

As other options, consider a novena in the nine days leading to your wedding, or beginning on your wedding day and lasting through your first nine days of marriage—a honeymoon novena—to establish a practice of daily prayer in your new life with your beloved.

Don’t limit yourself! My husband and I invited our friends and family to pray two novenas alongside us: one at the beginning of our betrothal, and another leading up to our wedding day. And we privately say a novena for the days leading up to each anniversary. The Lord is so generous and loves hearing our prayers.

Make a list of intentions.

This sets the tone for your novena. You might identify one intention for each day, or you could come up with a list of a few important intentions to pray throughout the nine days. Fitting intentions for your wedding might include commitment to God and one another. 

You can also include personal prayers based on your passions, hobbies, and love languages. Additionally, practical prayers, such as prayers for health for you and your family or for peace in your home, can foster trust in the Lord to provide for your needs as a couple. 

Keep your petitions open to God’s will. And of course, give thanks for the community who is praying with you!

Write a litany of saints.

Invite the angels and saints to join your novena by including a small litany. To personalize your novena, consider including your patron saints and those whose feast days fall on or near your wedding date. 

I also recommend invoking the intercession of saintly couples whose vocation inspires your own, such as Louis and Zelie Martin, or Aquila and Priscilla, as well as any personal devotions to Jesus, Mary, and favorite saints.

If anyone in your family or support network has passed away, you may want to include them in the novena litany too, as a way of intentionally inviting them into your wedding.

If you can’t decide, you can always ask “all the angels and saints” to pray for you. 

Decide who to pray with.

After identifying your time frame, intentions, and litany of the saints, decide which living friends and family members you’d like to join in your novena. Ask yourselves if you’d prefer your novena to be a private prayer for just the two of you, a group prayer with your wedding party, or a prayer open to all your guests through your wedding website and invitations. 

Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance as to whose prayers you need the most. If you do invite your guests to pray with you, consider saying the final prayer day at your rehearsal dinner or wedding reception.

Consider the religious backgrounds of your prayer warriors.

There are ways to express your Catholic faith that include your non-Catholic guests. If you are inviting Christians who are not Catholic, consider making the litany of saints optional, with an instruction like, “If you feel comfortable asking for prayers from the cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1), please pray this litany.” 

For those of other faiths, offer the option to pray to God the Father instead of to the Trinity. And for guests who aren’t religious, encourage them to think of intentions as “good thoughts” or “wishes” rather than prayers. These modifications invite non-Catholic guests into your wedding preparation and allow anyone who wishes to participate in the novena prayer. 

The Lord listens to everyone. Our non-Catholic guests expressed gratitude for being included in my husband’s and my novenas, and we really appreciated their support! No matter each guest’s background,  the Lord answered the petitions in abundance.

Pray it forward

After you’ve had the experience of writing your own beautiful and personal wedding novena, consider sharing this gift with other couples.

When friends get married, my husband and I say a novena for them using this process. I usually send a text each day telling the couple  the intention or saint of the day for their novena. 

For my non-Catholic friends, I modify the novena to meet them wherever they are in their spiritual journey (I send them nine days of “wishes/prayers”). Your friends will appreciate your support, and the Lord loves to spend time with you as you earnestly share the desires of your heart for your friends. Novena prayers are a powerful expression of love for your friends and family, your spouse, and Jesus.

---

About the Author: Kiki Hayden is a freelance writer and bilingual Speech Therapist living in Texas. She is a Byzantine Catholic. She writes about how God has changed her life through speech therapy at Speaking With Kiki.

BLOG | INSTAGRAM

Marriage Preparation | The Fruits of Reflecting on Your Sacramental Journey as You Anticipate Your Marriage

In the sacraments of the Church, we are given a great and bottomless gift. In particular, it’s incredible to consider that they are lifelong, accompanying and equipping us all throughout our earthly journey.

As your entry into holy matrimony draws near, have you considered reflecting on your sacramental journey so far, and what it means for your vocation?

Whether you were born and raised in the Catholic faith or you entered the Church at an older age, taking time to contemplate the significance and experiences of the past sacraments you've received can deepen and enrich your anticipation of the one you're about to enter into.

Photography: An Endless Pursuit

Consider these prompts an exercise in thought and prayer, and an invitation to notice the Lord's specific, personal love at work in your life.

Baptism

Recall that in baptism, we are anointed for a lifetime mission as priest, prophet, and king; daughters and sons of a loving Father. 

Ask yourself: what will be our mission as spouses (both in a big-picture sense of evangelism and in the specifics of where and to what God is calling us)?

A family mission statement grounds, inspires, and motivate. Read steps for creating your own.

Reflect on the reality of his grace and the ways in which it has led you to your vocation and to your beloved, from the very start of your membership in the Christian community on your baptism day and on through today.

Reconciliation

Saint Faustina compared Christ's mercy to an ocean, with our  sin but a tiny drop. His love and forgiveness are inexhaustible when we kneel before him in humility and contrition. What's more, mercy involves not just forgiveness, but providence: his every movement in our lives, each decision or area of growth we're led to, is his loving will at work.

Ask yourself: How have mercy and forgiveness shaped my spiritual journey? Are there persisting issues my beloved and I need to work through toward healing? In what moments of my life can I see God making his will known to me?

Reflect on how deeply mercy and love are connected: thank Jesus for his unfailing love even through your weakness; ask him to draw you into deeper trust and dependence. 

Holy Communion

The source and summit of our faith is the most intimate encounter with Christ we can experience in this life. A gift of his living self.

Ask yourself: When have I sensed Christ’s real presence in my life? How am I called to embody self-gift in my relationship and future marriage?

Reflect on the nature of Christ’s complete self gift in the Eucharist. A free, faithful, total and fruitful offering of his body and blood. Consider the ways that sacrifice and intimacy in married life call spouses to imitate this gift.

Confirmation

The Holy Spirit takes root in our hearts in a real way through the sacrament of confirmation. With this fire, grace is truly present, strengthening us on the path to vocation and sainthood.

Ask yourself: What gifts of the Holy Spirit and what particular charisms do I recognize most clearly in my life? Like the Apostles and saints, how is the Lord calling me to put my gifts at his service?

Reflect on the treasure trove of graces on tap through intercessory prayer. No matter where you are in your spiritual life, identify ways to grow in devotion to you and your beloved’s confirmation saints.

Does your relationship have a patron saint? Find holy examples and prayers for your beloved here.

Time and prayer can encourage you to marvel at the good and find redemption and meaning in life’s challenges. As you reflect on your journey of the sacraments, may you be moved to marvel, to thanksgiving, and to closer attention to the Father’s abundance.

Establishing a Prayer Routine as Newlyweds

CARISSA PLUTA

After the wedding day passes and the honeymoon ends, newly wed couples will soon find themselves establishing everyday routines in their home.

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRAPHY

In creating this routine, Catholic couples might want to find ways to continually re-focus their daily lives and marriage on Christ. 

Establishing a habit of prayer, particularly prayer with your spouse, can help couples not only grow closer to one another but closer to God, allowing them to more fully receive the graces provided by the sacrament of matrimony. 

Creating a prayer routine as newlyweds may take a bit of time, but worth the investment. 

Talk about your prayer life

Talking about your prayer life with your husband opens the door to deeper communication on spiritual matters and allows you to discern as a couple how the Holy Spirit might be leading you to pray as a couple. 

For example, in talking about our prayer life, my husband and I realized we were both feeling a call to delve more deeply in the scriptures. We then decided to spend some time each week praying Lectio Divina with the Gospels. 

Ask God to reveal how He wants you to pray together and then talk about it with your spouse. 

Start small

Set realistic and achievable prayer goals with your partner and then, fully commit to them. As great as it would be to add a holy hour into your week, it might not be the right choice for you as a couple. 

Trying to achieve some lofty spiritual goals might add unnecessary stress to your marriage and will ultimately make it harder to actually establish prayer as a lasting habit in your relationship. 

If you and your spouse aren’t praying together at all, consider starting with praying before meals or a decade of the rosary before bed. When it comes to praying together as a couple, there is no devotion too small.

Over time, consider challenging yourselves a bit. Try praying a full rosary or a nightly examen. Maybe revisit and pray with your wedding readings every year or add another mass once a week. 

Put it on the schedule

When you and your spouse decide on how you’d like to pray together, determine how often and when you’d like to pray. Put this on your calendar in pen! Prayer is the most important thing you can do as a couple so it should be given priority in your weekly planning.

For instance, my husband and I pray together each night before bed and pray a rosary together every Sunday afternoon. 

Consistency allows an action to take root and cement into a lasting habit.  

Give yourself some grace

Establishing a solid routine may pose challenges for couples just settling into their new lives together, so recognize that this endeavor may take some time and practice. If you forget to do your devotion one day, don’t feel bad about trying again the next. 

Also know that the way you pray together as a couple may change with the different seasons in your marriage. Allow yourselves some flexibility and space to grow as the circumstances surrounding your relationship change. 

Looking for more practical tips on praying together? From the archives, our favorite past posts on the subject:

Editors Share: Our Perspective on Learning to Pray with Your Beloved | The learning curve of combining your spirituality with your beloved’s | 4 Tips for creating a prayer space in your home | Working through spiritual differences when you feel “unequally yoked” | A guided meditation on praying with your wedding vows using lectio divina | How to plan a personal retreat for you and your beloved | Creative Ways To Pray for Your Spouse | Ora Et Labora, Prayer and Work

---

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Vendor Week 2020 | A Photographer's Tips for a Sacred, Memorable "First Prayer" Before Your Ceremony

SINIKKA ROHRER

Your wedding photographer is there to help you discern and plan a First Look before your wedding ceremony begins. A First Look, in addition to offering you and your spouse a moment of personal joy and quiet, makes it possible to get many portrait photos out of the way prior to guests arriving and minimizes the time guests are waiting for the reception to begin. As you plan your timeline with your photographer, talk together about whether you'd like to do a First Look and if you’d like to bring in an element of prayer.

Photography: Soul Creations Photograhpy, seen in Amy + Jay | Fort Harrison Wedding

Whether as a supplement to or substitute for a First Look, I highly recommend considering a First Prayer—not just for photos, but also for a phenomenal, precious moment that you and your beloved can hold on to tenderly before the day begins. 

Will you and your beloved have a First Look? Read more about considerations for making the decision.

As you and your beloved stand back to back, it not only gives your photographer time for additional images, but allows for a sacred, silent moment of alone time—something couples tend not to have much of throughout their day.

Here, 3 steps toward making your moment together sacred and special:

Stand back-to-back

One of my couples, Becca and Brian, wanted to have their First Prayer in the chapel, under the cross of Christ, on their wedding morning. Before we led Becca to her place, Brian had already been positioned, with his body faced away from the door as he stood beneath the cross of the One who loves him so deeply. 

After Brian was prepared, my team led Becca to her place as well, knowing in moments she would be in contact with her groom. Even though she wasn’t able to see him, they were right where they wanted to be: next to each other.

Hold hands

My husband and I chose a First Prayer ourselves for the morning of our wedding. We each brought a card for one another to read, and after doing so, we held hands for what seems like the longest moment of the day. Holding his hand helped me feel connected, united, and secure. He wasn’t going anywhere, and I wasn’t either. We hung on for what seemed an eternity. 

My clients Amanda and Craig held hands, as well, around the large, wooden door that would open again later when Amanda stepped down the aisle for her bridegroom to behold her. 

See Amanda + Craig’s First Prayer and their Classic Ballroom Wedding in Indianapolis

In this moment, Amanda squeezed Craig’s hand tight and let tears slide down her face. She was with her beloved, and no matter what difficulties had come that morning, she was reminded of their sacred bond, their journey to this day, and their unconditional love. 

Pray. 

As each of these men stood waiting to hear the voice of their brides, I placed my own hand on their shoulders and prayed: that they let Christ lead their marriage and lean on his shoulder as their family leans on them. I prayed they see Christ when they see their brides, knowing the love of these women perfectly reflects the heart of God. 

And as these brides, Becca and Amanda, stood anxious to approach their beloveds, I took their hands and prayed, as well: that they lean close to Christ’s chest just as they lean on their spouses’. That they support and walk closely with God, becoming more and more like him, and that they see Christ when they see their groom, knowing his love perfectly reflects the heart of God.

As they stood back to back, hands joined on opposite sides of the door, they prayed. Some of my couples choose to say a Hail Mary, some a Rosary or Chaplet, and some choose spontaneous prayer.

I encourage you to consider including a First Prayer in your timeline! Those moments that you have together are beautiful and will be captured for your album, but the sacred bond that you will feel is even more incredible. 

Take these moments to unite your heart with the sacrament about to take place. I wish you all the best on your engagement journey! 

---

About the Author: Sinikka Rohrer is a Christian wedding photographer and Spoken Bride vendor on mission to encourage brides with practical and spiritual encouragement on the way to the aisle. She is a lover of all things healthy, early morning spiritual reads, and anything outdoors.

WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM

Christmas Blessings and Prayers from Spoken Bride

In these final days of hope and anticipation for the birth of the Savior, we retreat with our families and friends in joyful celebration of the gift of Christ’s life. As the season of waiting comes to close, we open our minds and hearts to receive Jesus into our homes. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELISSA VOSS, as seen in Emily + Daniël | Christmas Season Wedding

Our Catholic faith is rich with prayers, blessings, traditions, and symbols to bring the beauty of God’s light into the domestic church, the home. Christmas Eve is an opportunity to bring special attention to the beautiful decorations around our homes—especially the Christmas Tree or the Nativity Scene—with an intentional blessing and celebration. 

We encourage you to read and pray the Blessing of a Christmas Tree and/or the Blessing of the Nativity Scene with your spouse or family.

Browse holiday weddings + reflections on Advent and liturgical living | Are you newly engaged or married? Submit your story. | Send us a written contribution

Our team will be taking the next week off from publishing new content and is eager to continue communicating the goodness, truth, and beauty of marriage in 2020! New blog features and reflections will resume January 2. Meanwhile, follow along on social media for continued resources and inspiration, including our top posts of 2019.

From all of us at Spoken Bride, may Christ the Bridegroom be born in your hearts this Christmas season. May God continue to shine his light on you and your loved ones. Thank you for your trust, affirmation, support and participation in our mission—we are full of gratitude for every one of our brides, vendors, and readers and hold each of you in prayer.

Dealing With Spiritual Desolation During Engagement + Married Life

DENAE PELLERIN

Desolation characterized most of my dating and engagement relationships with my husband. At one point in dating as we sat outside an Adoration chapel, I confessed, “I don’t think that I believe in God anymore.” 

He looked at me and said, “I will love you regardless and pray for you, because that must be so hard for you.” 

Photography: Jordan Dumba Photography, from the author’s wedding

Faithful for so many years, I was sitting in the midst of the answer of my prayers for a Christ-like man to become my spouse, yet I could not experience the presence of God in a way I once knew. 

My husband’s response to my struggles brought forward an image of a tender Jesus, patiently waiting for me--not a dictator waiting for me to conform. How broken my image of God had become; where I feared him and lived in compliance. 

As we approached our wedding day, I began feeling anxious about whether or not this sacrament would give me the “high” I longed for--that connection I once had felt with the Lord. I began to fear: would it mean something is wrong if that didn’t happen? What do I have to do to make sure I “feel” something? Is my lack of faith a sign that this vocation is not for me?

Faithful trust pulled me forward, helping me believe that even without the spiritual high, God would be present and our wedding day could bring glory to him. 

I also began reflecting on the gift of desolation, which allowed my mind to discern my vocation without the clouding of emotions and “signs” that could lead me to confusion. My past prayer journals showed me how my soon-to-be-husband was exactly what I had always longed for, and I had an immense sense of peace at the thought of marrying him. 

I vowed to put intentional effort into everything about our wedding, as though I had complete trust and faith in God. As I began contemplating the intricacies of our nuptial Mass, I was drawn towards readings and songs that kept me grounded in the truths of the Catholic faith I could believe in this moment, the hope I held for our future, my past experiences and journey to a place of faith, and requests for assistance from God and the saints. 

One of the reasons I chose the parish we were married in was for the stained glass image of the Annunciation right above the altar. For years I had been attending the parish; often during Mass, I would gaze upon the image of Mary kneeling before the angel. At one time, I had a great devotion to Mary and her words “Let it done to me according to thy will” were the words that came to me in moments of great risk and faith.

In this time of desolation and uncertainty, I found comfort and affiliation in the image of me kneeling with my husband, and Mary, before the angel. 

On our wedding day we approached the altar to Sara Groves’ “He’s Always Been Faithful to Me,” a song that proclaims a truth my heart cannot always make. 

Our Gospel reading was the Beatitudes. As the line “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy” was proclaimed, it pierced my heart. As a social worker and pro-life advocate, so much of my desolation had come from experiencing immense brokenness and not seeing God’s power within it. 

That desolation had brought me to a place of hopelessness and struggles with sin. Yet here on this day, I heard the voice of the Lord telling me he saw me. 

He saw my merciful heart for others and in response, his mercy would extend, overwhelm, and overlook all the brokenness I had been feeling and experiencing. I was-- and had always been-- enough for him, despite my struggles with lack of belief. 

It did not overtake my body like so many experiences of the Holy Spirit had before;, it was not a fire lit in my soul. The experience was so intimate, and what I realize now is that it was an acknowledgement to the constant burning, which had been there even when I could no longer see.

---

 About the Author: Denae Pellerin discovered the truth of Christ at an evangelical summer camp as a youth and later made her way to the Catholic Church because of her public Catholic education. Denae loves Catholic Social Teaching, Marian Devotions, and Women-Centered Pro-Life Actions.

 INSTAGRAM

The Divine Depth of Love

CARISSA PLUTA

Earlier this summer, I went to confession with a priest who asked me to spend a few minutes thinking about things about my husband that I am grateful for. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: CAITLIN RENN PHOTOGRAPHY

Easy, I thought as I left the confessional. But as I sat down in the pew with my pen and journal in hand, I found it wasn’t actually as easy as I thought.

I love my husband. He’s an amazing man and I am thankful for him, but putting into words why I am grateful for him felt like trying to hold the whole ocean in my hands. 

If you had asked me right after Ben and I met what his best qualities were, I’d have been able to tell you in a heartbeat. He’s handsome, funny, smart, and kind. 

But now, after almost seven years of friendship, five years of being in a relationship, and three years of marriage, these words feel inadequate.

Trying to quantify and define the parts of him I loved felt limiting. I don’t love Ben because he’s handsome or funny or gentle, but because he’s Ben. 

The more time you spend with a person the harder it is to see all of the things that make them who they are. 

The more you learn about them and see who they really are, the harder it becomes to pinpoint all the little qualities that make them lovable. 

You simply love them because they are.

Marriage has opened to me a depth of love that I hadn’t known possible and in doing so made known to me a depth of God I had yet to understand.

A God who loves wholly and without conditions. 

God doesn’t love us because we are capable or holy. He doesn’t love us because of our looks or our sense of humor.

There is nothing we can say, do, or have to earn more of His love and affection. 

He loves us because we are.

---

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Creative Ways to Pray for your Spouse

CARISSA PLUTA

When it comes to praying for my husband, I’ve always had great intentions.

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

I imagine myself getting to the adoration chapel for an hour or so and praying perfectly for my husband’s needs.

But in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, intercessory prayer often falls to the bottom of the list, unless of course, it’s a more urgent intention, in which a decade of the rosary might suffice. 

I don’t want to wait until an emergency or crisis arrives to pray for my husband, but carving out time during the day requires me to get more creative with how I do it.

Sacrifice something for him

As Catholics, we believe that our sacrifices and suffering have meaning and can be redemptive. 

In Salvifici Doloris, it says: “...Christ has also raised human suffering to the level of the Redemption. Thus each man, in his suffering, can also become a sharer in the redemptive suffering of Christ.”

Intentionally making a sacrifice, especially on behalf of another, can bring forth many graces in that person’s life. 

You might consider picking a day where you will offer something up specifically for your spouse. You can start small--maybe by giving up dessert, social media, or breakfast. 

Pray for him as you do chores

My husband and I split up the daily duties and responsibilities in our house, and I’ve found that I can use the time I spend doing them for prayer. You can choose a traditional form of prayer to do during this time, or offer up this valuable gift of your time and energy for your partner. 

Not only can you offer up your daily work for your spouse, but you can get even more creative by praying for specific things relating to the chores. 

For instance, sometimes when I fold laundry, I can pray for the bodily health and needs of my husband. Or when I am cleaning up after dinner, I can pray for his spiritual nourishment. 

You make a gift of yourself to your spouse and to God when you do your duties joyfully, and combining work and prayer can produce so much fruit in your life, your husband’s life, and in your marriage.

Create a spiritual bouquet

A spiritual bouquet is a collection of prayers and offerings from an individual or group for someone else. 

Not only does a spiritual bouquet make a thoughtful gift for your spouse, but it also offers you an intentional way to pray and offer sacrifices for his’ intentions. 

You can do this alone or you can invite friends and other loved ones to contribute. Make a note of how and when you pray for him during the week and then gift him with the note so he has a visual representation of the prayers you offered for him. 

---

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Prayer Intentions for Women Called to Marriage

Whether you’re currently single, dating, engaged, or married, every woman prays to live out her vocation faithfully and well. What does that look like in the everyday?

Photography: Aberrazioni Cromatiche Studio, seen in Fabiola + Cole | Vatican City Basilica Wedding

For those called to marriage, the desire to be a strong, holy wife might feel so...abstract. And that’s understandable! Depending on your relationship situation and whether you’ve met your spouse, your ability to will the good of a specific man and ask the Father for grace with specific matters can be limited. 

Are you in a season of discerning the Father’s will for your life? Read tips for determining the vocation he might be calling you to. 

There are, however, particular intentions you might consider bringing to prayer as you anticipate, prepare for, or live out your married life. Here, prayer suggestions for brides.

Strengthen me in sacrifice.

Ask the Lord for a greater sense of perception and attention to opportunities for sacrifice and service, as well as a willing disposition to do so with a joyful heart. Is he prompting you to fast from or give up particular habits? Are there daily activities in which you can ease the load of someone in your life (chores, quality time, or otherwise)? No matter your current state in life, you can actively strengthen your marriage--starting now--by developing a heart of sacrifice.

Grant me the gift of understanding.

Seek growth in active listening, healthy conflict resolution, and empathy. Embrace others’ honesty and vulnerability as a gift to be treated with mercy and care. Cultivating communication skills amplifies and enriches all of your relationships.

Read 5 Tips for Active Listening.

Help me to know your peace, Lord.

Do you find yourself doubting you’ll ever meet the man you’re intended to marry? Are you anxious to determine if the man you’re currently dating is The One? Are you and your spouse facing a major life decision like children, career changes, or a move?

The Lord desires our hearts to be at peace. In times of restlessness for answers, approach discernment with a spirit of openness, trusting that he responds to our prayers--sometimes with a whisper, and sometimes with a shout--in the most loving, fruitful ways, even when his call is wildly different from our expectations.

May I revere my sexuality and fertility.

Our identity as human persons, male and female and invited to join God in bringing forth life, speaks the truth of who we are. Pray for the graces of reverence, joy, freedom, and self-discipline as they relate to your sexuality, and if you feel the pull, seek out theological resources that further illuminate.

Pray, also, for trust: the knowledge and appropriate resources to learn about your fertility and your body’s particular rhythms, the faith and confidence to embrace children and grow your family as you feel called. And perhaps most painfully, the trust that should infertility and complications arise, you are not abandoned and the Lord will reveal, in time, his plans for your particular marriage to be fruitful.

May I make of myself a gift to my husband, and may he make of himself a gift to me.

Authentic love is free, faithful, total, and fruitful; a complete gift of self. This love takes on a particularly intimate, personal dimension in marriage, yet there are ways to embody self-gift even before marriage.

Pray about ways to communicate love through every part of your life, not just your romantic relationship: live with a spirit of encounter. Make efforts to make others feel seen, heard, and known. Be a witness to joy and to confidence in your identity as a daughter, sister, and bride. 

For that, ultimately, is who you are: a woman, equipped with unique gifts only you can confer on the world--not only on your wedding day or as a new wife, but before and after you enter into your vocation. May your prayers inspire your gifts and your worth.

Have you experienced this desire to be a “good” wife? What other intentions have you prayed for in this pursuit? Share your thoughts in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

Wedding Planning | Father Jacques Phillipe and Detachment from Wedding Planning Desires

STEPHANIE FRIES

The wedding planning process can be a stressful one. A bride-to-be not only yearns for the fulfillment of her visions of beauty, but often faces the expectations from her fiance, bridesmaids, mother, sisters, mothers-in-law, and friends. Even more, the wide world of Pinterest and Google introduce infinite vendors, budgets, designs, and decisions.

In the face of overwhelming options, it can be easy for a couple to forget God’s providential role in their wedding planning process.

Father Jacques Phillippe offers encouragement to acquire a steadfast peace of heart in his book, Searching for and Maintaining Peace. Though his wisdom is not written in relation to wedding planning, his words speak truth into the decisions—and holy detachment—involved in planning a wedding with God. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: MACKENZIE REITER PHOTOGRPAHY

“Very frequently… the Lord asks only an attitude of detachment at the level of the heart, a disposition to give Him everything. But He doesn’t necessarily “take” everything… This detachment, even though it is painful at the moment, will be followed by a profound peace. The proper attitude then is simply to be disposed to give everything to God, without panic, and to allow Him to do things His way, in total confidence.”

Is the Lord asking you for a spirit of detachment in the midst of your wedding planning desires? If you are feeling overwhelmed by the number of decisions and pressures in this process, take your worries and your desires to him in prayer. With a desire to give it all to him, release your desires into his providence and trust that he will fill your heart—and your wedding day—with joy and peace. 

“Abandonment is not natural; it is a grace to be asked of God. He will give it to us, if we pray with perseverance.”

This abandonment of desire is not easy to our human nature. But your efforts to collaborate with God in this process and to glorify him through your sacrament are acts of trust and love. He is with you throughout this journey. 

“Obviously we do not want to say that it is a bad thing to be able to anticipate things, to develop a budget or prepare one’s homilies. Our natural abilities are also instruments in the hands of Providence! But everything depends on the spirit in which we do things.”

You can leave the homily preparations to your priest. In the meantime, detachment does not mean you stop doing the necessary work. Fulfilling a call means you receive an opportunity from God’s providence and you work in collaboration with him. Continue utilizing your strengths, trusting your intuition, and remaining in a posture of receptivity for the next grace. 

“Once could even say that the surest way to lose one’s peace is precisely to try to assure one’s own life solely with the aid of human industry, with personal projects and decisions or by relying on someone else… To preserve peace in the midst of the hazards of human existence, we have only one solution: We must rely on God alone, with total trust in Him, as your heavenly Father (Matthew 6:32).”

Offering your wedding planning desires to God is counter-cultural and, quite frankly, it’s not popular. Friends and family may not understand your peace which follows detachment. But, as Father Jacques Phillippe warns us, relying more heavily on human will rather than on God alone is the surest way to lose peace. Keep you heart on your heavenly Father and trust, with confidence, that your wedding day desires will be fulfilled. 

“The heart does not awaken to confidence until it awakens to love; we need to feel the gentleness and the tenderness of the heart of Jesus.” 

“To grow or to enrich one’s spiritual life is to learn to love.”

What’s the point of detaching ourselves from our desires and abandoning them to God? Love. As we grow in virtue, we grow in holiness and love. This season of preparation for your wedding day is about planning a beautiful day. More importantly, however, this is a season to prepare your heart to love and be loved by your groom and to grow in holiness through your sacrament of marriage. 

---

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Newlywed Life | Ora et Labora, Prayer and Work

STEPHANIE FRIES

As I walked down the aisle on my wedding day, I was relatively aware how “everything” was going to change. In one day, I acquired a new roommate, an abundance of new household appliances and a new last name. Simultaneously, my husband and I were preparing for an international move—transitioning out of our jobs and community and into a new world of people, places, and norms. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

I did not have the same awareness of the resulting changes to my spiritual life and prayer routine. 

Following our wedding day, early mornings at an adoration chapel were replaced with making breakfast and enjoying coffee with my new husband. The spontaneous decision to attend daily Mass disappeared due to a lack of access to daily Mass in our new community. The experiences that once nourished my soul and my heart gave way to the new gifts and specific circumstances of married life. 

I’ve gained encouragement in my new role as a wife through the Benedictine saying, “Ora et labora,” or “pray and work.” This philosophy intertwines the responsibilities of vocation with our hearts’ longing for God. 

In this season of life, my “work,” my vocation as a wife, looks like cleaning the house and preparing meals, washing the dishes and doing laundry, planning a vacation and keeping in touch with extended family. 

In accordance with the Benedictine philosophy, the household chores, fulfilled as acts of service and love, can become a form of prayer. The active doing with my hands is a tangible form of prayer, of becoming a longing for God.

As we purify the intentions of our hearts and bring God to the front of our minds, every action—both at home and in our communities—becomes prayer. Waking up early enough to make a cup of coffee for your spouse is a prayer for his goodwill. Keeping in touch with extended family is a prayer of thanksgiving for your origins and support system. Upholding an orderly house as a practice of discipline is prayerful preparation to model a virtue of self-control to future children.  

If you, like me, are wrestling with the tension of incorporating old habits into new circumstances, take peace in knowing God is right where you are. Molding our prayer life according to our new vocational life does not mean surrendering spiritual practices altogether. Our hearts yearn for intimacy with both our spouse and God in a personal, trinitarian relationship. Lean into the ache to see how loving your spouse and God are united in the same action.

---

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

What are the Non-Negotiables in Your Relationship?

STEPHANIE CALIS

Do you and your fiancé or spouse ever experience a desire for order and ritual within your relationship?

As someone who resists the feeling of being boxed into any one identity or image, and who struggles with personal accountability in schedules and routines, I used to think living by a set of particular daily practices or principles--in my mind, a set of “rules”--were a limitation.

Photography: Horn Photography & Design

After seasons of struggling with purpose, intentionality, and motivation, I’ve begun to realize that incorporating an appropriate degree of order into my daily life and my marriage aren’t limiting: in reality, they create a greater sense of freedom.

Freedom, for my husband and I, has felt tangibly, practically real in the experiences of not feeling enslaved to household responsibilities or to self-focused desires. It’s felt like our time can be used well and for the service of each other and our family. Our growth in this area is the fruit of a recent discussion in which we talked about our individual and family priorities; what we deemed “non-negotiables” in our life together.

Read the Spoken Bride team’s experiences with and tips for designating household responsibilities with your spouse. 

The non-negotiables my husband and I identified for our marriage are: family dinner, daily walks together with our children, going to bed at or close to the same time as each other, and providing each other with time alone for prayer (the daily readings, Holy Hours or daily Mass) and renewal throughout the week (for my husband, it’s a weekly hockey league he plays in with his brothers, and for me, it’s time for journaling and running errands on my own).

I encourage you and your beloved to communicate about your own non-negotiables, whether you’re in the state of anticipating your future marriage, whether you’re adjusting to the new habits and closeness of newlywed life, or whether, like me, you’ve been married several years and are eager to refocus on your priorities as a couple. Recognizing one another’s love languages can provide great context for identifying your needs. 

Here, suggested starting points for creating your own list. You might create a list divided into different areas of your life, as cited below, or into daily, weekly, and monthly priorities.

Spiritual

Identify concrete times and ways to pray together. Consider incorporating daily prayers like the Rosary or Liturgy of the Hours, committing to confession, Adoration, and/or daily Mass several times per month, celebrating particular days in the liturgical year, or a establishing a continual practice of reading and discussing the same spiritual book.

Find spiritual reading recommendations--including Theology, literature, and books on love and marriage--here.

Physical

Exercise and physical activity promote discipline and healthy ambition in all areas of your life. If working out--individually or together--is a priority for you, include it in your non-negotiables.

What’s more, in our creation as full persons, body and soul, the physical extends beyond exercise and looks to the relational. Discuss your outlook and needs regarding physical touch with your beloved, and determine ways appropriate to your relationship (whether engaged or married) to express affection. My husband and I, for instance, try to sit down on the couch together to chat and cuddle after our kids go to bed, before we begin our evening chores or leisure. I cherish the time spent reconnecting.

Read reflections on how a regular running habit helped one of our brides prepare emotionally, spiritually, and physically for marriage. 

Service

Are there particular responsibilities and sacrifices you can take on for the good of each other? Particularly for those whose love language is acts of service, daily assistance with chores and, God willing, family life, can be a meaningful non-negotiable that minimizes overwhelm and provides opportunities for sacrificial love. Your non-negotiables list might include matters like a nightly tidying up or making the bed in the morning.

Consider, as well, if service to your community--through weekly or monthly commitments to ministry, corporal works of mercy, volunteer work, or helping family and friends--is a high priority for your relationship.

Leisure

Identify ways you and your beloved can use your free time for both personal renewal and for nurturing your relationship. Depending on your individual temperaments and state in life, leisure preferences can widely vary, and are worth communicating about honestly.

Discuss ways to embrace leisure time in ways that leave the both of you feeling restored and close to one another: consider weekly or monthly date nights, designated times of day where your phones stay in another room, or pursuing shared hobbies.

Tired of the endless Netflix scroll? Read 8 inspired, non-TV ideas for your quality time

Although my husband and I aren’t perfect at meeting our daily, weekly, and monthly non-negotiables, simply having identified and committing to them has brought a deeper sense of purpose, intention, and yes, freedom, to our life, particularly in our season of raising a young family. We’d love to hear yours, as well. Share your non-negotiables (whether official or unofficial) in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM

Cultivating the Spirit of Newlyweds Across Time

STEPHANIE FRIES

Just weeks after our wedding, my husband and I were introduced as “the newlyweds” to a visiting priest at our local church. To our surprise, he turned his attention back to us during his homily that morning. By emphasizing the qualities of newlywed life, he encouraged us—and every married couple in the sanctuary—to embody the spirit of newlyweds through every stage of married life.

Oftentimes, the first weeks of marriage are defined as a “honeymoon phase,” when the innocent novelty of married life outweighs the demanding responsibilities of daily life.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MACKENZIE REITER PHOTOGRAPHY

As time passes beyond the wedding day, small transformations begin to unfold:

The honeymoon pictures collect dust in an album.

The groom’s ring acquires its first scratch.

New friends only know you by your married name.

You notice the idiosyncrasies of your spouse for the first time.

The laundry piles up, bills come in the mail, and careers gain momentum.

In Beginning your Marriage, a ‘Catholic marriage manual,’ the author observes, “Familiarity between wife and husband can dampen enthusiasm. Daily routine can clog lines of communication.”

Although familiarity and daily routine can pull couples out of newlywed enthusiasm, building deeper intimacy through a growing familiarity over time can be an invitation for infinite joy.

Establishing an attitude grounded in prayer, gratitude, and a sense of humor can help create a foundation to maintain the spirit of newlyweds throughout the monotony of routine and the emotional ups and downs of family life.

Prayer

Every detail of your vocation is a gift to you from God. Prayer is a means for God to speak into those details of your life, showing you the beauty he has in store in every cup of coffee, speck of dust, idiosyncrasy or load of laundry. If routine has clogged intimacy in your marriage, turn your heart to prayer and ask for renewed enthusiasm and connection through the gift of vocation.

Gratitude

Adopting an attitude of gratitude turns our hearts to receptivity. When we can look at our lives and say, “thank you,” we receive all life’s circumstances with hope. The virtue of hope renews our strength, trust, and joy. Whether you bring gratitudes to mind independently or in conversation with your spouse, a grateful perspective has the power to reignite the newlywed spirit of joyful surrender in your marriage.

Sense of Humor

A sense of humor and the ability to laugh with your partner is a gift, a skill, and a tool for authentic joy. We most easily laugh at ourselves when we don’t take life too seriously because we surrender our hearts to trust in God’s providence. Of course, this does not include decisions or circumstances which must be discerned with prayer and thoughtfulness. Create opportunities to be playful with your spouse, give yourself permission to laugh at the little surprises of daily life, and celebrate the many transformations of your shared lives with a light-hearted joy.

To embody the spirit of newlyweds beyond the honeymoon phase is an outlier is our communities. Where many couples become bogged down by life circumstances, husbands and wives united through the sacrament of marriage are called to faithfully participate in and receive the mysteries and fruits of vocation.

In what ways do you and your beloved cultivate the spirit of newlyweds as a living testimony to the joy of marriage? We hope you will share your experience with our community on Facebook or Instagram.

---

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Love and Sacrifice Say the Same Thing.

STEPHANIE CALIS

What is beautiful draws our senses to the sacred. At a recent wedding I attended, a harp, organ, and choir lifted their melodies to the heights. The groomsmen wore tailcoats; the bridesmaids, embellished gowns the color of jade. Even these breathtaking details, however, were nothing compared to the radiance of the liturgy, or the couple themselves.

Photography: Lindsay Pleyvak, seen in Jamie + Seth | Astronomy-Inspired Wedding

After a tear-filled procession and Liturgy of the Word, the celebrant’s homily illuminated an essential truth of our vocations, one embodied in a particularly tangible way through the call to marriage: love and sacrifice say the same thing, but only to the extent that we embrace them.

“You love,” he said, “as much as you sacrifice, and you sacrifice as much as you love.”

What does this mean?

As a wedding guest, I took these words as a prayer for the couple about to become one, that they might spend their lifetime willing one another’s good and fulfillment.

On a personal level, I heard them as a call, insistent and clear: along this path, my husband’s and my pilgrimage to the eternal wedding feast, our vows merit that we love with the entirety of our hearts, even when emotion runs dry and when we’d prefer not to make the effort. That we embrace the good times and bad, knowing that in making a gift of our actions, time, and entire selves to one another, we’re free from enslavement to self-serving desires.

I often consider the link between the words integration and integrity when it comes to relationships. That is, the times when the complementary parts of who I am--body and soul, reason and emotion, and more--are well-integrated and not in conflict with each other, are the times I find myself treating my husband with the greatest sense of integrity.

These are the times when my love for him and the sacrifices I’m willing to make for him--taking on extra chores when he’s busy, respecting our budget, putting our kids to bed on the nights he has to bring work home--speak a language of wholeness and good will.

When our hearts are integrated, love and sacrifice say the same thing: I give of myself to you, I place your present wants and needs before my own, I enter into your burdens and carry them alongside you.

In the times I turn to my own selfishness, preferring personal convenience or comfort above what’s best for my marriage and family, I see our relationships being chipped away at. I see them quite literally dis-integrate.

Thanks to grace and mercy, these breaks can be restored to something like their former wholeness, and only in eternity will they be brought to perfection.

Only in eternity. The words of this wedding homily, an occasion of such heavenly rejoicing, drew my attention down to earth and to the tension we live out in our vocations. We are earthly and imperfect, yet our call is focused on eternal life; on bringing our spouses and children (biological or spiritual) to the banquet by way of love.

And how to pour out that love? Through our acts of sacrifice. Saint John Paul II said, “There is no place for selfishness and no place for fear! Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice.”

By praying for your spouse, by serving and assisting him without keeping score, by keeping your shared goal of each other’s fulfillment and salvation at the forefront--even when it feels too hard--you become living icons of self-emptying love, bearing Christ to the world.

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM

Signature Items: What They Are and How They Can Help Preserve Your Wedding Memories

What are your personal signatures? Maybe there’s a singular outfit or lip color that makes you feel your best, a spiritual book or prayer friends associate with you because you’ve recommended it so many times, a go-to drink order, a candle whose scent always fills your living space.

As individual as the way you write your name, signature items are the ones that make you feel most like you.

The external things you choose over and over and, in doing so, express your internal self. Every person desires to be known, and each woman’s personal style and spirituality can become a way of sharing and making visible who she is.

Photography: Petite Fleur Studios

If you’ve worried your wedding day might pass in too much of a blur to remember, pray for a sense of presence, and consider choosing items that can help you concretely revisit the start of your vocation. Sensory and emotional experiences are tied to closely to our memories, and can help cement life’s milestones in your mind. In the seasons of your wedding-day countdown and first months as a married couple, consider choosing a handful of new signatures--as a bride and as a couple--that, in years to come, will help define your life together: items that, when you use them, will bring the sweet days of new marriage flooding back.

Here, four suggestions for incorporating signature items into your wedding day and newlywed life:

A wedding-day fragrance

The sense of smell can powerfully evoke memory and emotion. Choosing a new-to-you perfume to wear for the first time on your wedding day and honeymoon, then setting it aside for a brief period, is a resonant way to lock in and later revisit this sacred time.

A new saint or devotion

Shared prayer deepens your relationship like practically nothing else. As your wedding approaches, commit to adopting a patron for your marriage, compose your own wedding novena, write your own personal marriage prayer or family mission, or consider Marian consecration. Repeat this devotion annually around your anniversary, and you’ll find yourself amazed by the fruits and changes each year of marriage brings--even difficult years.

A honeymoon playlist

Like scent, music holds a strong pull on our memories. Before your honeymoon, put together a playlist or choose albums with your beloved that are new to you or haven’t been in heavy rotation, and listen en route to and at your destination. Listen more as you settle into your shared life, knowing the songs you’ve selected will be able to transport you back. Not going on a honeymoon right away? This practice still works if you’re headed right into your new routine or planning a staycation!

Recipes

Are there particular meals that strongly evoke your childhood or a past experience? Food, and the rituals tied to it, is a foundation of a shared table and shared life. Put a few cookbooks on your wedding registry, or purchase them for yourself, and enjoy the process of discovering dishes you love; ones that will have a spot in your home as time passes and, God willing, as your family grows.

Of course, we often go through phases of loving certain products, songs, prayers, and meals that later become associated with certain seasons outside the wedding realm, sometimes without realizing it. Making an effort to intentionally choose some of these items as you prepare for your vocation, to express the inner with the outer, speaks to the human heart’s eagerness to be known--to share of itself, to give--and to building a life entirely unique to you and your spouse.

Give the Smallest Details to Jesus.

BECCA AREND

I never could have imagined what a simple package of wedding invitation envelopes could teach me about my relationship with Jesus.

PHOTOGRAPHY: BLITHE AND BLUE DESIGN

It started innocently enough. While I was visiting family in Minnesota with my fiancé, I started looking online for envelopes that would hold our wedding invitations. I quickly zeroed in on some beautiful, matte-gray envelopes that could ship to us in a few days.

“Perfect,” I naively thought. “I’ll have these in no time.”

I mentally crossed “buy wedding invitation envelopes” off my to-do list, only to realize a couple weeks later that I’d never actually ordered them. And by then, I was back home in Canada and the cost of shipping had quadrupled.

It went downhill from there.

Frustrated that I had already wasted so much time, I grimaced and ordered the envelopes, only to realize that I was now subject to expensive international import fees. I suffered through multiple failed delivery attempts and miscommunications with the shipping company until I finally arranged for my envelopes be delivered to a nearby pick-up location so I could grab them after work.

At this point, even the thought of the envelopes made me grind my teeth in exasperation. I felt cheated out of my hard-earned dollars and stressed that they were taking so long to arrive. I ranted to my fiancé daily about how terrible the shipping company’s service was, and I was even getting distracted during my prayer time, seething about the envelopes.

And so, ready to put it all behind me, I went to get the envelopes at the pick-up location, only to find the building closed. I tried again the next day: CLOSED. I had arrived on time, and their business hours were posted in the window, but inexplicably, the door was locked and the lights were off.

Furious, I called my fiance, who found out that an unexpected building problem had forced the place to close for two days. I could not believe that a shipping company would drop off a package at a “convenient” location where they would hold my precious cargo hostage for days on end.

By now, it had been more than three weeks of mounting daily frustration and stress about these envelopes. It was maddening, and boy, was I giving in to every temptation to fly off the handle! It felt justified. Their service was undeniably terrible, and the last thing I needed in the middle of all the logistics of wedding planning was to chase this expensive package all around town. So I took every opportunity to rant and rave to everyone around me about how crazy this situation was.

After seething all night, I went to the pick-up location yet again, ready for a fight. As my fiance and I walked toward the building, I snapped, “Babe, can you imagine if the package still isn’t there? I might just lose my mind.”

So yes, I did lose my mind when the friendly young clerk behind the counter told us there was no package for me. Although the shipping company had notified me that the package had been “delivered” on Thursday, the pick-up location had in fact been closed, and so the clerk guessed that the delivery man must have taken the package back on his truck.

The second we were outside, I burst into angry tears. “I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it,” I fumed, tears streaming down my face. “Why is this happening? Why can’t I just collect my stupid package?”

With infinite patience, my sweet fiance steered me into a pizza joint, bought us each a slice, and told me to breathe. “You know it’s going to be fine, right? The envelopes will come, sooner or later. It’s going to be okay.”

I knew this was all true, and yet the rage inside me wouldn’t die down. What was happening?

In that moment, crying and eating a slice of pizza, I stopped for the first time to ask myself, “Why am I so furious about these envelopes?”

I’m a slow processor. It usually takes me a few hours of mulling over an idea get a good perspective on it. So that evening, during my prayer, I placed that question before Jesus again: Why was I so furious about the envelopes? What was God trying to show me through this maddening experience?

In the quiet pondering and listening for God in my heart, I realized that my issue was what (or who) had control of my heart. In the midst of all the details of wedding planning, I gave in to the temptation to become a “bridezilla” when something didn’t work out the way I hoped.

But this was the opposite of what God and I had already talked about: right from the start, I had promised to give my engagement to Jesus. I promised him that every detail, every moment, every plan would be abandoned to his Divine Providence, and that I would be docile to him, no matter what.

In those early moments of frustration about the envelopes, I should have turned to my Savior with a smile. I should have laughed at the misguided thought that I am in control of my own life. I should have embraced my littleness and entrusted the whole box of envelopes right into his hands, like a child does to a loving father.

By clinging to control over the envelopes, I allowed anger to burrow deeper and deeper into my heart until I couldn’t control it any longer. This was my chance to finally surrender.

Immediately, a quote from Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross sprang to my mind:

“I have an ever deeper and firmer belief that nothing is merely an accident when seen in the light of God, that my whole life down to the smallest details has been marked out for me in the plan of Divine Providence and has a completely coherent meaning in God’s all-seeing eyes. And so I am beginning to rejoice in the light of glory wherein this meaning will be unveiled to me.”

With total peace in my heart for the first time in weeks, I gave the envelopes to Jesus.

The next day, I called the shipping company again. I explained the situation, and they assured me that the package had been dropped at a different location just down the street. All I had to do was collect it. So I did.

Now, I have both the envelopes and a valuable lesson: wedding planning, just like everything else in life, is an opportunity to give the smallest details to Jesus — even the envelopes.

---

About the Author: Becca Arend is a twenty-something who loves Jesus. As a proud Minnesotan who recently moved to Halifax to be nearer to her fiancé Chris, she loves American things like Chick-Fil-A, spelling words without an extra u, and the Imperial System.

INSTAGRAM

Ash Wednesday Reflection | Memento Mori + Marriage

MARIAH MAZA

Memento, homo quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris.

“Remember, you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” (Gen 3:19)

Ash Wednesday begins a period of deep internal reflection and penance. So as we walk into the dimly lit churches on the first day of Lent, let the solemn silence enter your spirit, and enter again with a vulnerable heart into the Paschal Mystery: the Passion, death, and resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

“Teach us to count our days aright, that we may gain wisdom of heart.” (Psalm 90:12)

The cross of ash we receive on our forehead is both an external sign of our sinful mortality and a reminder of the Divine death that was suffered for our salvation. An often-forgotten ancient spiritual penance comes to mind: the practice of memento mori, a Latin phrase that reminds us, especially in this season of Lent, to “remember your death.”

“Let us prepare ourselves for a good death, for eternity. Let us not lose our time in lukewarmness, in negligence, in our habitual infidelities,” admonishes St. John Vianney. And so, let us not remember our inevitable death with fear, but instead illuminated in the Christian hope of Eternal Life that awaits us beyond the threshold of our earthly lives.

In her devotional Remember Your Death, Sister Theresa Aletheia Noble reminds us “Jesus has defeated humanity’s greatest foe—permanent death in sin. All that remains for us to endure is bodily death. And Jesus has transformed even this fearsome reality into the doorway to heaven.”

“The Cross changes everything.”

Yes, let us remember death. Because “in whatever you do, remember your last days, and you will never sin.” (Sirach 7:36). Because each numbered breath, starting today, is one more reminder to live, to hope, and to love.

And for those who are engaged, newlywed, or veteran married couples, allow the practice of memento mori to become something even more profound: as you prepare to become one flesh--or already live one in flesh with your spouse--remember the death of your beloved.

Remember your vows you will make, or have already made. Remember you vowed “until death do us part.” Remember that part of the sacramental vocation of marriage is to prepare your beloved for a saintly death. You are called to help each other to Heaven.

“Then he said to all, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.” (Luke 9:23-24)

Beginning today, with your fiancé or your spouse, help each other to carry your crosses as we walk the Way of the Cross with the Church. Whoever follows Christ will die with him, the God who didn’t even spare himself from the pain of death, but whoever follows Christ will also rise with him.

“Death is swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” (1 Corinthians 15:54-55)

Memento mori.

Further reading: Sr. Theresa Aletheia Noble’s first 20 pages of her new Lenten Devotional Remember Your Death.

---

About the Author: Mariah Maza is Spoken Bride’s Features Editor. She is the co-founder of Joans in the Desert, a blog for bookish and creative Catholic women. Read more

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | PINTEREST