Freely Making Decisions in the Wedding Planning Process
/ANGELA MIKRUT
Today’s wedding culture has a loud voice. It tells us what to do, what not to do, who to do these things with, who not to do things with, etc.
PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURENTINA PHOTOGRAPHY + VIDEO
It can be overwhelming trying to learn about all the to-dos and not-to-dos especially right after you get engaged. Not all of us are wedding planners and just because you are engaged doesn’t mean you have now been bestowed with all the knowledge you need to plan the “wedding of your dreams.”
Wedding planning takes time and if you don’t want to dive into all the details for yourself, it’s easy to fall into an outsider's vision of your wedding day.
Your wedding day is not only going to be one of the most significant days in your life, but also an extremely personal day.
Unfortunately, the culture surrounding weddings and the brokenness of our world has turned this immensely personal day into a particular production that ‘requires’ a strict following of the proper ways to do things.
Sure, people may tell you to do whatever you want, but deep down you might discover that this encouragement is tainted by a disordered understanding of what a wedding should be.
I’m not suggesting that every tradition and standard for a modern wedding is bad and needs to be purified, but rather, I am trying to point out that there is often a disconnect between the couple and their free choice in deciding how to go about making decisions for their wedding.
Some couples may never realize the motives behind their decisions while wedding planning because the wedding culture is so pervasive. Oftentimes we just do what others tell us and never question why. You can make decisions that reflect who you and your fiancé are, even if you don’t follow every tradition or social norm.
A major key to all this is for you to be honest with yourself. Consider why you want certain elements and people included in your wedding and why you want to incorporate certain traditions.
Try and have an answer for everything. Sometimes your answer is more of a feeling, and that’s okay, but really thinking about these things might make you realize that there is a real reason behind your feelings.
So often we make decisions on autopilot (with a ‘it’s just what you do’ mentality), but seriously ask yourself why you want that bachelorette party, if you really want to invite that person or if they made the guest list because you felt bad, etc. This is not to encourage you to fall into an obsessive self-centeredness when making decisions, but rather an invitation to step back and examine your reasoning and motive behind them.
Making decisions because you want to make them is much more liberating than deciding out of guilt or pressure.
You may face some decisions that will be made harder knowing that some people will try to change your mind or will make comments that could make you feel unworthy or ignorant. Remember, however, that those opinions and loud voices will die down over time. And if these decisions are made freely with good reason, you will feel so much peace knowing that you welcomed the Lord to guide you.
An important note to add however is to try not to confuse the Lord’s promptings with our feelings. To do this, there needs to be constant prayer and discernment in each decision and to remain always open.
Doubt is a real thing, so never make a rash decision based on confusion or desperation. This will help you avoid being overly scrupulous.
Wedding planning is no joke, and it can take a toll on you, so give yourself grace and time. Talk things over with your fiancé and people you trust. Bring yourself back to your ultimate purpose and have faith that all the work you both are doing is for a reason. So long as you are open to the direction of the Lord, you can be at peace even if every moment is not peaceful.
Once you can see your wedding day as something greater than a to-do list and you begin to make decisions that reflect you and your fiancé’s personality and values, you will notice the difference.
You will be able to identify the why behind your decisions, freeing you from the weight of comparison and feeling like you have to do everything and do it all the ‘right’ way.
You can make decisions in a way that reflects who you are without checking all the boxes or including every tradition.
Know yourself and ask Our Lord for clarity and guidance as you make decisions and for the courage and fortitude to listen to Him so to be able to trust in the process.
Wedding planning requires you to make decision after decision, so ask for these graces early and consistently, and bring yourself back to these petitions so as to keep you in the Lord’s company. If you are open to receiving these graces, the Lord will reveal the truth to you so that you may have the freedom to make decisions with confidence in Him.
