Navigating Financial Stress in Catholic Wedding Planning

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

Almost every decision you make regarding your wedding will affect the overall cost. For most couples, these expenses can significantly contribute to the feeling of stress leading up to the big day. 

Wedding planning and decision-making often come with certain expectations about what a wedding should have. You may feel pressured to include certain details or make a particular decision to appease those societal expectations. 

Not everyone is in the place to throw thousands of dollars at their wedding day without it causing some amount of stress. When making these decisions as an engaged couple it’s important to keep some things in mind when considering your expectations and your budget.

I Dos and Dont's: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Stewardship and the Practicals of Working Out Your Budget


Determine your priorities

First list out the most important details to you and your fiancé. What do you truly want to  include in your wedding day? Go from here and put your money first towards the decisions most important to you.

Continuously remind yourself why you are making all these decisions and go back to your priorities to see if your decisions are lining up with what you initially said was the most important to you as a couple.

Invite the Lord into the process

In prayer, ask the Lord to help guide your decision-making and ask Him to reveal what you need. Ask Him to help you not get caught up in society’s idea of the “perfect” wedding but rather, keep you focused on the reality of the sacrament you will soon experience.  

Prepare yourself that you can’t have it all

If you want to stick to your proposed budget, remind yourself that you can’t do and have everything you gush over on Pinterest or seen done by another couple. 

Appreciate the beautiful weddings you see but remind yourself that your wedding doesn’t have to look like someone else’s, and it will be even more beautiful if you come to terms with this and get excited about the things you do get to implement.

Related: Planning your dream wedding without breaking the bank

Whether you receive financial help for your wedding or not, weddings can be extremely expensive for just one day. A wedding celebration is of course deserving, but at what point does the focus on money and expensive details lead the couple and even the guests away from the reality of the sacrament?

Look to Saint John Chrysostom and keep his words from On Marriage and Family Life close to you as you make financial decisions regarding your wedding, “Money is everything now, and so everything has become corrupted and ruined, because we are possessed by this passion for money.” 

Don’t allow yourself to fall into the trap of consumerism. The value of your wedding isn’t determined by the size of your budget.

Aim to keep the first breath of your marriage pure, so that when you are preparing to walk down the aisle, you have a clear conscience about all the money that was put into your wedding day. 

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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Organizational Tips for Catholic Wedding Planning

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

Wedding planning, with all its small details and decisions, can feel overwhelming, especially if you don’t have some kind of organizational system.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Alex Krall Photography

Use these tips to help you and your fiancé stay organized and calm throughout the process. 

Make a designated wedding email. 

Make a designated wedding email that you can use to contact all your vendors to help keep all wedding-related communications in one place. 

Using your preferred email platform, create a new account and put both you and your fiancé’s name as the owner. You can then connect the email to both you and your fiancé’s phones or laptops so that you both have access to the account and can reference important emails and future vendor contracts all in one place.

Create a physical or digital binder

Consolidate your wedding planning dreams, documents, research, and more in a designated place. 

You can use Google docs if you like the convenience of a virtual document or in a binder if you prefer writing everything down. Here you can keep track of your research and make lists as they pop in your head.

If you are doing your research primarily on the computer, it would still benefit you to have a virtual document. This allows you to just copy and paste important links so that you don't have to have multiple tabs open at once and can reference your research as needed. 

In my experience creating a Gmail as your wedding email and using the Google apps (docs, sheets, etc.) can help you stay organized since everything is all in one place and easy to use/access. It also allows you to share documents with other Google users with ease, so you can grant access to different people that are a part of your wedding, like your fiancé or members of your wedding party.

Communicate clearly with your bridal party. 

If you choose to have a wedding party, you will want to keep them updated on important information. Let them know your expectations and what you see their role as (what they will be wearing, if you want them to throw you a bridal shower and/or bachelorette party, etc.). 

Every wedding is different, and every bride has a different vision for her bridal party. Consider writing a note to your bridesmaids once you ask them to take part in your special day and share with them your vision for your wedding and their role in it. 

Details can always change, but communicating with them throughout the process can benefit both you and them. In articulating the vision for your day, it will give you a clearer picture for your day and it helps you and your fiancé to organize your thoughts and ideas in order to relay them to others.

Break things down. 

Research the typical order of details for planning a wedding (when to book certain vendors, when to send out invitations, etc.), then make a rough month to month checklist of what ‘should’ be done each month leading up to the wedding. 

Spoken Bride offers a comprehensive guide that features expertly curated checklists for a distinctively Catholic engagement, ceremony, and reception. 


You don’t have to stress over doing each item exactly as the checklist lays out, but having a list will help you and your fiancé prioritize and plan efficiently. 

Once you complete things on your list it’s not only satisfying to cross them off but it’s also an exciting countdown because each month that passes is one month closer to your big day!

Take it one day at a time

Most importantly take wedding planning one day at a time. 

If you try to plan everything at once, it will all feel more intense than it should. 

Remember to continually bring everything to God, asking for direction, and making decisions and both you and your fiancé feel comfortable making even if that means prolonging a decision to discern what is best when looking at the grand scheme of things.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

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More Uniquely Catholic Wedding Favors

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

Couples often choose to express their gratitude for their wedding guests by giving out favors at the reception. 

While not a necessity, favors can provide personal touches to your wedding day and can serve as special mementos for your guests. Below you will find, some uniquely Catholic favors for your wedding reception or bridal shower:

Spiritual Bouquet

Shower your guests with prayer by giving them a spiritual bouquet of sorts on your wedding day. 

Offer mass, pray a novena or another devotion during your engagement for the guests that will attend your wedding. Then make note of this on a sign somewhere in the reception area or give them a small card telling them that you remembered them and their intentions in your prayers. 

Make a donation

In place of a traditional favor, make a donation in the name of your wedding guests to an organization that you and your fiancé want to support. Note this donation on a sign where guests walk into/out of the reception hall, on the table numbers, or the placement cards, etc.

Read more: Uniquely Catholic Wedding Favors


Your favorite treat

You can show your love and thanks to your wedding guests by going above and beyond to extend your hospitality during your wedding day. Food in particular is a good place to start. 

For your wedding favor, consider giving out you and your fiancé’s favorite candy, snack, dessert, etc. This way you can personalize the favor so it has more meaning to you and your fiancé but can also be something that most people would like to eat or snack on at the end of the wedding celebrations.

Flowers

Flowers (or flower seeds) make a good option for wedding favors, especially if you have a lot of local guests coming to your reception. Many flowers also contain a rich Catholic symbolism and can provide a beautiful touch to your guests’ homes. 

If you choose to DIY your bouquets or centerpieces and have a bunch of vases/flowers leftover, you can write a note to your guests in the reception hall that they can take the flowers home as their favor. You can also thrift glasses or collect bottles/jars to use as vases for a thriftier option. 

When deciding on favors, try to think about meaningful gifts that you can share with your guests. Don’t be afraid to think outside of the box. Offer favors that reflect you and your fiancé while also showing your guests that you appreciate them.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | ETSY

Setting the Date for a Catholic Wedding

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

You just got engaged and are eagerly waiting to set the date. 

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If you are struggling or hesitant to finally set the date, consider these tips to help guide your discernment.

Not all dates are equal.

When choosing a date, it’s important to consider what time of year you want to get married during and why. This allows you and your future spouse to consider dates that make sense without it feeling too random and is important especially if you are planning to invite more than just your immediate families. 

Don’t go overboard with considering each one of your guests, but it might help to try and think about what most of your guests might be doing during that time of year.

Ultimately, it’s up to you and your fiancé and what works best for you two in your current state of life, so if your date doesn’t work for everyone, that’s okay! Choose a date, not only because you like the date or because it’s a month sooner but because it makes sense for you as a couple and ultimately gives you a lasting sense of peace.

You don’t have to get married on a Saturday.

With the exception of Good Friday and Holy Saturday, the Catholic Church allows couples to get married any day of the week, including Sundays. Just remember to consider the availability of your guests and reach out to your parish to make sure whatever day you are thinking of will work for them. 

For more Catholic wedding planning help, check out the Spoken Bride archives. 


Keep the Liturgical season in mind. 

Consider the Liturgical season in which you’d like to get married as they carry significance for Catholics. 

For instance, the Advent and Lenten seasons are times for reflection and anticipation of the feast that’s to come, so although couples are allowed to get married during this time, it is something to be aware of. 

If you do plan to have your wedding during one of the penitential seasons, despite the more subdued tone, your wedding can still be a joyful celebration similar to how we still observe major feast days during Lent.         

You might also consider getting married during the festive seasons of Christmas or Easter.

You can have a Sunday wedding.

Sunday weddings can be a wonderful option for those couples who still want to get married on the weekend but are trying to save a little money. 

Since Saturdays are currently the most popular day for weddings, you may notice that some vendors have a discounted price for their services on other days of the week, sometimes including Friday and Sunday. This isn’t a hard and fast rule though so be sure to do some research for the venues and other vendors you are considering. 

Another note about having a Nuptial Mass for a Sunday wedding (and on some of the other major feasts in the Church) is that the couple may not be able to choose the readings for the Liturgy of the Word since it doubles as a Sunday Mass or a solemnity. 

Again, check with the Church where you plan to get married because there may be some other restrictions due the priest’s schedule or a conflict with another Church service or event.

Choosing a date can feel overwhelming, and it can be exhausting responding to all those family and friends who ask if you have a date yet. But it’s okay to take your time in deciding. It’s better to have a date that you’ve really thought about and feel at peace with than to rush the process.

So long as you keep your focus on what’s important, asking the Lord for guidance, you can put your trust in the Lord that everything will work out in His timing.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | ETSY

Freely Making Decisions in the Wedding Planning Process

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ANGELA MIKRUT

 

Today’s wedding culture has a loud voice. It tells us what to do, what not to do, who to do these things with, who not to do things with, etc.

It can be overwhelming trying to learn about all the to-dos and not-to-dos especially right after you get engaged. Not all of us are wedding planners and just because you are engaged doesn’t mean you have now been bestowed with all the knowledge you need to plan the “wedding of your dreams.” 

Wedding planning takes time and if you don’t want to dive into all the details for yourself, it’s easy to fall into an outsider's vision of your wedding day.

Your wedding day is not only going to be one of the most significant days in your life, but also an extremely personal day. 

Unfortunately, the culture surrounding weddings and the brokenness of our world has turned this immensely personal day into a particular production that ‘requires’ a strict following of the proper ways to do things. 

Sure, people may tell you to do whatever you want, but deep down you might discover that this encouragement is tainted by a disordered understanding of what a wedding should be.

I’m not suggesting that every tradition and standard for a modern wedding is bad and needs to be purified, but rather, I am trying to point out that there is often a disconnect between the couple and their free choice in deciding how to go about making decisions for their wedding. 

Some couples may never realize the motives behind their decisions while wedding planning because the wedding culture is so pervasive. Oftentimes we just do what others tell us and never question why. You can make decisions that reflect who you and your fiancé are, even if you don’t follow every tradition or social norm.

A major key to all this is for you to be honest with yourself. Consider why you want certain elements and people included in your wedding and why you want to incorporate certain traditions. 

Try and have an answer for everything. Sometimes your answer is more of a feeling, and that’s okay, but really thinking about these things might make you realize that there is a real reason behind your feelings. 

So often we make decisions on autopilot (with a ‘it’s just what you do’ mentality), but seriously ask yourself why you want that bachelorette party, if you really want to invite that person or if they made the guest list because you felt bad, etc. This is not to encourage you to fall into an obsessive self-centeredness when making decisions, but rather an invitation to step back and examine your reasoning and motive behind them. 

Making decisions because you want to make them is much more liberating than deciding out of guilt or pressure. 

You may face some decisions that will be made harder knowing that some people will try to change your mind or will make comments that could make you feel unworthy or ignorant. Remember, however, that those opinions and loud voices will die down over time. And if these decisions are made freely with good reason, you will feel so much peace knowing that you welcomed the Lord to guide you.

An important note to add however is to try not to confuse the Lord’s promptings with our feelings. To do this, there needs to be constant prayer and discernment in each decision and to remain always open. 

Doubt is a real thing, so never make a rash decision based on confusion or desperation. This will help you avoid being overly scrupulous.

Wedding planning is no joke, and it can take a toll on you, so give yourself grace and time. Talk things over with your fiancé and people you trust. Bring yourself back to your ultimate purpose and have faith that all the work you both are doing is for a reason. So long as you are open to the direction of the Lord, you can be at peace even if every moment is not peaceful.

Once you can see your wedding day as something greater than a to-do list and you begin to make decisions that reflect you and your fiancé’s personality and values, you will notice the difference.

You will be able to identify the why behind your decisions, freeing you from the weight of comparison and feeling like you have to do everything and do it all the ‘right’ way. 

You can make decisions in a way that reflects who you are without checking all the boxes or including every tradition. 

Know yourself and ask Our Lord for clarity and guidance as you make decisions and for the courage and fortitude to listen to Him so to be able to trust in the process.

Wedding planning requires you to make decision after decision, so ask for these graces early and consistently, and bring yourself back to these petitions so as to keep you in the Lord’s company. If you are open to receiving these graces, the Lord will reveal the truth to you so that you may have the freedom to make decisions with confidence in Him.

About the Author: Angela loves creative work, especially photography, and has a special place in her heart for JPII. She's engaged and getting married in late December.

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | ETSY