Praying with Mary, Wife of Joseph

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ERIN BUCHMANN

 

In sacred art, popular devotion, and even the liturgical calendar, the Church often honors the Blessed Virgin Mary in her role as Jesus’ mother. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: KASSONDRA PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: KASSONDRA PHOTOGRAPHY

This makes sense: after all, each of our lives draws meaning from Jesus and is meant to be centered upon Him, and Mary’s life was centered upon Jesus in a very concrete way through their mother-child relationship. 

But while she is in fact Jesus’ mom and the spouse of the Holy Spirit (and not to diminish those realities!), during her earthly life she was also the wife of a human spouse, St. Joseph.

As brides, we can relate to Mary in this shared role. She has so much to teach us about human love and spousal life!

As the Joyful, Luminous, Sorrowful and Glorious Mysteries of the Rosary help the faithful to meditate upon Mary’s relationship with Jesus, consider praying over the keystone events in Mary’s relationship with St. Joseph in a similar way, especially in this year dedicated to St. Joseph.

Here is a rosary-style reflection on five events Mary and Joseph experienced together in their marriage: their wedding, the flight into Egypt, their search for Jesus in Jerusalem, daily life in Nazareth, and Joseph’s death.

The First Spousal Mystery: Mary and Joseph are Wed

“Joseph … was a righteous man”

I imagine Mary must have been excited about her upcoming wedding. Joseph, being a righteous man, would likewise have been approaching their wedding day with complete purity of heart and mind. Surely neither one ever expected the path their love story would take (who could anticipate receiving multiple angelic visits and parenting the son of God, after all?), but by rooting their hearts in a perfect love of God and of each other, Mary and Joseph would have been able to receive each blessing from God and from each other as a gift unshrouded by sin, selfishness, or expectations.

Mary, help me to love my husband with perfect purity.

The Second Spousal Mystery: The Flight into Egypt

“Joseph rose and took the child and his mother by night and departed for Egypt.”

Assuming Jesus was a typical, squirmy, squirrely little kid, Mary probably had her hands full with him, especially as they fled to Egypt to avoid the wrath of King Herod. Not to mention that they were traveling at night and probably trying to travel quietly! She must have relied on Joseph to guard their little family from all sorts of dangers and potential pitfalls during this journey. She could not do everything on her own, but neither was she called to. Just as God had given her to be a helpmate to Joseph, God had given Joseph as a helpmate to her.

Mary, help me to trust in my husband’s ability to provide for our family.

The Third Spousal Mystery: Searching for Jesus in Jerusalem

“Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.”

The three days during which Mary and Joseph were searching for Jesus must have been among the most stressful times of their shared life. Mary surely trusted in God’s providence throughout, but as she herself says, she was more than a little nervous! There must have been a great temptation for both Mary and Joseph to cast blame on the other, to grow sharp with each other, and to withdraw from each other rather than draw closer together in light of the stressful situation they were facing. Yet, after three days of searching, Mary and Joseph arrived at the temple side by side and there found Jesus.

Mary, help me to always remember that my husband and I are on the same team.

The Fourth Spousal Mystery: Daily Life in Nazareth

“Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your home”

We know little about the day-to-day life of the Holy Family in Nazareth. Like any family, the Holy Family probably also experienced their share of hardships: misunderstandings, tight finances, challenging circumstances, deaths and divisions in their extended family. Mary likely knew well the exhaustion that accompanies long nights sitting up with a sick child and the tedium of household chores. There may have even been times when Mary longed for a break from her household and her family, even though she loved them dearly. Mary and Joseph were both human, after all!

Mary, help me to see the gifts and the graces hidden within my ordinary, daily life.

The Fifth Spousal Mystery: The Death of Joseph

“Perfect love drives out fear”

Mary was probably only in her thirties or early forties when Joseph passed away, leaving her a widow. Despite the relative brevity of their relationship their marriage was clearly a successful one, as both Mary and Joseph are not only saints, but Queen of Heaven and Patron of the Universal Church, respectively! I imagine their final moments together at Joseph’s deathbed were infused with sorrow at their impending separation, but also filled with hope, joy and a deep peace. Each was entrusting both themselves and their beloved spouse to God in a new way.

Mary, help me to love my husband with the peace that comes from God.

Spend some time meditating with these moments in the life of the Holy Family, and learn from the example set by Mary and St. Joseph’s marriage to help you grow in holiness through your own vocation. 

About the Author: Erin Buchmann hails from the lake country of central Minnesota. She enjoys writing things, cooking things, growing things, and spending time with her family. She and her husband are the parents of two little miracles.

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Entrusting Your Marriage to Our Blessed Mother

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HANNAH HOLLCRAFT

 

It is no secret that Our Blessed Mother Mary is an important figure in the Catholic Church.

She is a powerful intercessor, a source of guidance, and our greatest example of sainthood. Countless saints proclaim the goodness of devotion to her, the devil flees from her, and she considers us her dearly beloved children.

You can honor Our Blessed Mother on your wedding day in countless ways, including consecrating your marriage to her.

Marian consecration is an ancient tradition of entrusting oneself completely to Jesus through the maternal care of Mary. We give ourselves fully to Mary so she can help to form us in the image of Christ her Son. Belonging fully to her we can belong more fully to the Lord.

When we consecrate our marriages to Our Blessed Mother we are handing over to her our vocations, our spouses, and ourselves entirely. We are surrendering our bodies, minds, possessions, works and all we are to her protection, guidance, and intercession. 

What better way to safeguard your marriage than to totally entrust it to the care of the Mother of God who loves you and wants your marriage to be happy, holy, and healthy in every way?

In our single lives both my husband, Joshua, and I made our own Marian consecrations. They had lasting impacts on each of us. Through her we experienced healing, joy, and deeper conversion. She was a guiding star for us and we both feel it was her love and attention that ultimately led us to one another.

We knew shortly after getting engaged that we wanted to entrust our marriage entirely to Our Lady on our wedding day. We wanted to honor her as our Mother for all the ways she cared for us and to offer ourselves anew as we entered our vocation; we chose a Marian feast day to get married on and set aside the thirty-three days before our wedding for prayer with Our Blessed Mother.

I found this intentional time walking with Our Lady before marriage to be particularly intimate and eye opening. Just like so many women around me were helping me to prepare the details of my wedding like flowers, decorations, and dresses,  Mary was there too. She was helping to prepare my heart, reminding me what it truly means to be beautiful, to be a bride, to be a daughter of God. 

As the days got closer and last minute adjustments had to be made she was there reminding me that the day of my wedding was not about everything being perfect. Rather, it was about the love Joshua and I have for each other and celebrating that with jubilant thanksgiving regardless of who couldn't make it or the craziness of being a ‘Covid-bride.’

Walking with Mary was a great way of preparing in the final days of engagement. 

We took time on our own to read and pray each day. We would share any reflections we might have had and pray the “Ave Maria Stella” as a couple each evening. 

During our wedding Mass we brought flowers to an image of Our Lady of Guadelupe and knelt to pray our Act of Consecration together. We altered St. Louis Marie de Montfort's consecration prayer slightly using ‘we’ and ‘us’ rather than ‘I.’ Because this version of the consecration prayer is long we did the first half on our own the morning of our wedding and the second half together during the Mass itself.

There are lots of styles of Marian consecrations to choose from. We chose the one written in the 1600s by St. Louis de Montfort but there is a simpler version that is very popular called 33 Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael Gaitly, a nine day version by St. Maximilian Kolbe, or one which journeys with St. John Paul II. 

Each of these will provide you with readings for reflection and certain prayers to pray each day to help you to prepare yourself to make this great entrustment to Our Blessed Mother. Whatever you choose I would suggest purchasing a physical book or printing out the materials so you can have them on hand throughout the thirty-three days.

Marian consecration is not something you can only do on your wedding day! Any married couple or individual can choose to make a Marian consecration. Our Lady’s arms are always open to welcome us into deeper devotion so she can in turn lead us closer to her Son. If you are interested in learning more about Marian consecration check out the book True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis Marie de Montfort.

I am confident that if you choose to consecrate your marriage to the Mother of God you will be abundantly blessed in ways you never expected. 

May her maternal love guide you to heaven and make you more like her Son. 

Gratefully, Totus Tuus Maria.

About the Author: Hannah lives in Northern California with her husband Joshua and their daughter. She studied Theology and Business in school and has worked in ministry since graduating. Hannah’s Catholic faith is rooted in a deep love for the Eucharist and Our Blessed Mother. She is passionate about beauty, adventure, and living abundantly. Hannah loves warm weather, gardening, a good dance party and hiking in the mountains or visiting the ocean with her husband.

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From Our Brides: Marian Wedding Elements

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Happy Solemnity of the Annunciation from all of us at Spoken Bride. If you’re unable to attend Mass today amid the coronavirus pandemic, know that we’re sharing your thirst for the sacraments and are uniting ourselves in prayer to all of the faithful.

Even--and perhaps especially--in these weeks of fear and uncertainty, Our Lady remains a steady comfort and protector. Truly a loving mother. In your moments of anxiety and discernment over future plans, rest in the knowledge that she rejoices in hearing her children’s prayers and bringing them to the feet of her son.

Saint Maximilian Kolbe wrote, “You are hers: let yourself be led by the Immaculate.” On this feast wherein Mary embodies all the receptivity, maternity, sensitivity, and generosity of the feminine genius in her yes to bearing Christ to the world, entrust yourself, your beloved, and your vocation to her.

Here, a look at Our Lady’s intercession in our brides’ stories, along with unique ways of honoring her on your wedding day and beyond.

Weddings

Melissa and AJ’s romantic Miami wedding and decision to make and periodically renew a Marian consecration | Renae and Steven’s journey of growth, engagement on the 100th anniversary of Our Lady’s appearance at Fatima, and their February wedding described as “a match made by Mary” | Abby and Zack’s elegant celebration at Mount St. Mary’s University, with Marian hymns chosen for their Nuptial Mass

Our Lady of Good Counsel’s role in Rosanna and Matthew’s prayer lives and California wedding | Jenna and Michael’s Italian family-style wedding and their story of new beginnings and milestones on Our Lady’s feast days | Julie and Rudy’s elegant blush wedding and a love story that began in Fatima

Chelsy and Ben’s wedding on today’s feast day, celebrated among the Washington, D.C. cherry blossoms | Our Lady of Perpetual Help’s role in Erin and Andrew’s love story

Engagements

Alexandra and Aidan’s proposal and candlelit offerings at Our Lady’s feet | Jenna and Paul’s Philadelphia engagement, where Paul proposed in a grotto devoted to Our Lady of Lourdes | Brooke and Tim’s engagement at the Catholic University of America, the year that Good Friday and the Solemnity of the Annunciation took place on the same day

Devotions and traditions

4 Marian Flower Ideas for Your Bridal Bouquet | Not sure where to start with Marian devotion? A testimony of how she can bring your relationship to life, meeting you where you are. | Suggestions for honoring Our Lady during your ceremony, with your wedding party, and with your spouse 

4 Marian Flower Ideas for Your Bridal Bouquet

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Are your currently choosing florals for your wedding décor and bouquet?

Both secular and religious culture have long traditions of ascribing particular symbolism and significance to flowers. The first use of flowers and plants as an invitation to contemplate God’s creation is believed to have originated in medieval monasteries. Saint Basil the Great wrote in a homily, “I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that everywhere, wherever you may be, the least plant may bring to yon the clear remembrance of the Creator.”

The thought that living things speak a language, drawing our attention to the Father’s creativity, precision, and beauty, is a profound one. If the language of flowers appeals to you, consider incorporating blossoms that signify Our Lady--the purest, most radiant bride--into your selections. Here, four flowers with Marian significance.

Lilies

Many images of the Annunciation depict the angel Gabriel presenting Mary with a lily as he invites her to shelter and bear from her womb the Word made flesh. Saint Joseph, Mary’s beloved spouse, is also frequently shown with the lily. Both of these connections emphasize Our Lady’s purity and chastity--her perfect integration of body and soul. 

The lily of the valley flower, in particular, is also known as “Our Lady’s tears,” said to have blossomed from the tears Mary shed at the foot of the cross. Even on the joyful day of a wedding feast, these flowers are a delicate, fragrant reminder that marriage calls us to embrace both agony and ecstasy.

Consider, as well, that the lily is mentioned several times in the Song of Songs, a source of beauty among thorns and an element within “a garden closed:” an meditation on what it is to be a bride.  

Bold, sculptural star and Easter lilies are well-suited to spring weddings or minimalist brides, while tiger lilies and lily of the valley are a great fit for summer celebrations and bohemian or rustic tastes.

Roses

The ancient prayer of the Litany of Loreto calls upon the intercession of the Holy Trinity and of Our Lady under various titles, including Mary as the “Mystical Rose.”

Why the rose? Popularly considered the crowning, most beautiful of all flowers, Our Lady has been described by Saint Brigid as “beautiful to the sight, and tender to the touch, and yet it grows among thorns, inimical to the beauty and tenderness...The Virgin may suitably be called a blooming rose. Just as the gentle rose is placed among thorns, So this gentle Virgin was surrounded by sorrow.” As with the lily, the symbolism of roses invites spouses to consider the good times and bad, the easy and the crosses, which they entrust to one another in their marriage vows.

Roses convey a classic sensibility and, in addition to the Mystical Rose devotion, call to mind Our Lady’s gift of roses to Saint Juan Diego at Guadalupe.

Marigolds or Calendula

As prayer gardens grew more prevalent in medieval monastic settings, the faithful frequently reclaimed pagan epithets for plants and flowers by giving them religious names. Marigolds or calendula flowers (variations on a similar species) are now traditionally known as “Mary’s gold,” intended to invoke Our Lady’s heavenly queenship and radiance, the “woman clothed with the sun” in Revelation who triumphs over the grasp of evil and destruction.

Available in warm tones of red, gold, and orange, marigolds are beautifully suited to fall weddings, and can also be found in year-round friendly white.

Something Blue

Choosing blue, the color most frequently associated with Our Lady, for your wedding florals offers an array of choices and shades to complement your wedding colors, season, and style. Consider hydrangea, hyacinth, iris, bluebells, or wildflowers.

Do you plan to choose your wedding flowers based on their symbolism or connections to Scripture and the saints? Share your stories in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

Newlywed Life | A Letter to the Wife Striving to Be Like Mary.

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KATE THIBODEAU

 

To the wife striving to be be like Mary,

Twenty-three years old, Catholic, and married to a wonderful Catholic man seems like ad ream, one I’m blessed to experience day by day. I met my husband in college, and we became friends. In the crazy hectic time of our senior year we fell in love, getting engaged shortly after graduation.

Photography: Dennis Crider Photography, c/o Spoken Bride Vendor The Mantilla Company

Photography: Dennis Crider Photography, c/o Spoken Bride Vendor The Mantilla Company

In one quick and eventful year, I graduated, carried on a distance relationship, worked multiple jobs, lived alone, moved home to my parents’ house, got engaged, planned a large wedding, moved belongings into our new apartment, and married my best friend. It seems like a beautiful, chaotic whirlwind. Yet as a millennial introvert, plagued with a one-track mind and fear of change, I find myself married and unsure of what on God’s green earth I’m doing.

So much happening in my life at once was possibly God’s greatest challenge to me: a challenge to come out of my stationary existence and instead pursue greatness.

In moments of self-doubt, I still wonder how I got here. How I could be seen as worthy to be a good wife to my husband; his greatest helpmate towards heaven?

The most obvious sign my husband and I experienced in knowing we were called to this shared vocation came through daily opportunities to better our individual spiritual lives. We held each other to high standards of holiness, knowing we each desired a saintly spouse who would raise a faithful family.

During engagement, we prayed for chastity and for the strength to reach the altar as the best versions of ourselves. We appealed to the saints for their assistance and implored Mary’s divine aid through consecration. We received the sacrament of confession within an hour of our nuptials and made it to the altar in a state of celestial happiness and joyful hope for the future.

 With the honeymoon over and our lives settling down from the highs and stresses of wedding planning, I realize so much has happened, and feel like I still do not know how to be a wife. I am a terrible cook, an “adequate” housekeeper, and more than a little overwhelmed by the new changes my life has undergone--trying to find a new normal.

I find myself worrying about the novelty of married life: what can I make my husband for dinner today? Would he like this painting hung here? Am I giving him the support he needs? When will we know God is calling us to parenthood? Where will we live in five  years?

I find our anxieties and worries are rarely from heaven. In moments of stress, we tend to assume we are alone or that no other person could have experienced exactly what we are going through. However, that is simply not so.

My consecration to Mary in the 33 days preceding our wedding brought such peace; a peace I hope will always remind me to dismiss my negative thoughts and focus on Mary’s example.

In reflecting on the Joyful Mysteries of the rosary alone, I recall the challenges presented by Gabriel’s announcement and Mary’s  forthcoming marriage to Joseph. I cannot imagine a more stressful scenario than being told you are to carry the Son of God, along with the typical changes that accompany married life.

Mary rises to the occasion without question, and with a grace-filled yes. She is the ultimate example of a selfless, worthy wife. She was not ready for such an urgent and special task and did not know how to be the perfect wife or mother. Yet her trust and faith in our Lord proved her an ideal woman, a  model to all young and inexperienced wives.

 The greatest takeaway from my consecration came from Mother Teresa’s prayer to Mary to “lend me your heart.” I find myself praying these words whenever I struggle with patience, stress, anxiety, or self-doubt.

To young wives unsure of what they are doing or what their new vocation entails, I encourage you to join me, asking Mary to lend you her heart.

 Let her fill you with her virtue and grace to approach marriage as our husbands’ best friends and helpmates. Do not allow fear to paralyze you or doubt to detain you from serving God through your vocation. God calls us only to missions he knows we can gracefully undertake. He provides us with examples by which we can accept and rise to the occasion, with Mary’s yes as our wifely motto.

To new brides, know you are not alone. Look to Mary’s example and allow your vulnerability to help you love your husband through a season of change. I promise I will be praying along with you as we tackle the beauty of this: our vocation.

About the Author: Recently married to her best friend and partner towards salvation, Kate Thibodeau is learning how to best serve her vocation as a wife while using her God-given talents. With an English degree from Benedictine College, she strives to live the Benedictine motto: that in all things, God may be glorified. Kate loves literature, romance, beautiful music, pretty things, wedding planning, and building a community of strong Catholic women.

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Let Our Lady Bring Your Relationship to Life.

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

My dreamer of a high school self would frequently lie awake at night counting the qualities I wished to find in my future husband. I hoped he’d be, in no particular order, funny, creative, musical, a reader, from a big family, and--naturally--handsome.

As time passed and my spiritual life developed in college, I found my desires evolving. Meeting, and marrying, a man of deep faith started to push qualities like “good cook and dancer” from the top of my unofficial list. Specifically, I prayed that my husband would have a relationship with Our Lady.

I am blessed beyond measure to have found all these qualities, and more, in my husband Andrew. When we started dating, he told me how taking up the practice of a daily rosary the previous summer had brought order and peace to his life during a time he knew he’d wandered from the path of virtue he so deeply strove for. Starlit rosary walks around our college campus quickly became a ritual we loved.

The clarity I sensed through our prayer was like a thinning of the veil between the earthly life and the divine one. Total wonder and trust in the Father’s goodness. We talked often about our shared sense of healing from past relationships and such a certainty and purity in the start of our relationship. Months later, it was after a rosary walk, before a statue of Our Lady, that Andrew proposed. We chose a line from the Memorare, "before thee we kneel"--a reflection of the utter abandon to her care found in the prayer--for the inscription in our wedding rings.

To me, there is nothing more attractive, more admirable, and more masculine than a man in love with the Blessed Mother.

She is so alive, truly showing a man how to love his bride.

She herself is the embodiment of a bride--humble and small, yet a pillar of strength; pure beauty; sexual integrity; a magnification of the Lord’s goodness. I imagine she lived a rich emotional and spiritual life that models the love spouses are called to: ardent and pure-hearted devotion to her husband, abiding tenderness for her son, an emptying to the depths of her being at the foot of the Cross.

St. Louis de Montfort described devotion to Mary as being "Our Lady's slave," an image that's understandably uncomfortable across four centuries and an entirely different culture. To be honest, I was unsettled when I was introduced to the term--at the time, I was just learning more about the Catholic faith and was considering Marian consecration, and the thought of slavery made me skittish. To discover that Our Lady wanted to chain me to her for eternity didn't exactly seem loving, let alone pleasant.

I'm glad I heard out the context and explanation of the language, and am grateful for the grace of developing a devotion to her and making a consecration with my husband. Now, when I think of being chained to Our Lady, I no longer envision a burden or a literal ball and chain.

Instead, it brings me deep comfort to know my husband and I are forever tethered to her. It's impossible for her to let us go, even if we try. By grace alone, she's always pulling us back to her and into a deeper love for her son.

Our Marian devotions have absolutely deepened our prayer lives, yet I suspect the graces flow most abundantly when we fall short. 

The daily opportunities to serve and sacrifice in marriage, the arguments, all the moments my husband and I aren’t just sitting there, holding hands in prayer--she keeps us close, and intercedes for us still.

How can you, as a couple, cultivate your own deeper devotion to Mary? Whether you’ve never had a relationship with her or whether you made a consecration years ago, she invites us from wherever we are. Consider habitually praying a decade or more of the rosary with your fiancé or husband, hanging an image or icon in your home, celebrating Marian feast days with Mass and a date night or gathering, and discerning Marian consecration.

In all her perfection, it might seem difficult to relate to Our Lady on a human level, but when I feel down on myself, knowing I could work harder at living out my vocation to marriage, I try to remember that she was and is entirely human. Alongside her, and with her prayers, we ourselves become fully alive.

We love hearing your own experiences of saintly intercession. Share your experiences with inviting Our Lady into your relationship! Do you have any Marian traditions? Any stories of how she's shaped your love story?

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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