From the Founders | An End, and a Beginning.

To our Brides and Readers,

Since our founding six years ago we have always sought a personal, honest, approachable relationship with you through every medium we use to communicate. Today we’re here to share some some stirrings of our hearts, and some significant news:

In January 2022, we at Spoken Bride will be concluding our ministry.

Gosh, it feels like a big exhale, but also like a bated breath, to publish these words. Over the past year we’ve loved working alongside our team of unbelievably creative, hardworking, prayerful women, pursuing our mission to highlight all that is good, true, and beautiful about Catholic marriage. We have shed tears of joy and wonder over every single gallery and video you’ve shared with us, cheered on our community of Catholic vendors, and most of all, learned so much from the stories, intentions, and insights you’ve entrusted us to tell. 

And yet. From the start we’ve aimed to create a company culture where vocation is foremost. What would a marriage ministry be, really, if we didn’t prioritize our own marriages and calls, trusting that the Lord blesses saying yes to Him in every season? It felt like a huge, irrational surprise when we felt the Holy Spirit nudging us, with ever-increasing clarity, toward transitioning away from this work we love and believe in so deeply, turning our gaze inward and ahead. Amid all the passion we feel for marriages that will change the world, we’ve realized the necessity–and goodness–of changing the world in the hiddenness of our individual marriages and families, and we look to the season ahead with peace and resolve.

What does this mean for you, the invaluable readers who’ve joined us in this work through your comments, intercession, writing, testimonies, and investment? Here, a few important points about our conclusion:

Will Spoken Bride’s content be going away?

No! Our website, social media, Vendor Guide, and podcast will remain available, though inactive. No new content will be produced after January 31, 2022, but you’ll have continued access to finding Catholic wedding vendors, browsing our Wedding Directory for inspiration, and listening to three seasons’ worth of practical and spiritual support for brides and newlyweds. 

Wait! I haven’t finished my wedding program.

We’ve got you! All of our customizable digital products–including wedding programs, stationery suites, and thank you notes–come with free lifetime access to our editing software. Once you’ve purchased and received your products, they’re yours for good to customize and print. Bear in mind that these products are proprietary and copyrighted, and are for your personal use only.

Speaking of programs, can I still purchase one? Will your shop stay open?

The Spoken Bride Shop, which includes our best-selling Catholic wedding programs along with a range of other products for your wedding liturgy and home, is open through December 30, 2021. 

There are two essential, endlessly inspiring ideas we’d like to leave you with– ideas we endeavor to worship and live by. First, the Lord is the ultimate artist. 

Only a perfectly creative Creator can design specific, indelible love stories marked with infinite expressions of His loving hand. Every vocation, including the call to marriage, is a divine romance. Any desire you experience for a beautiful wedding isn’t shallow or insignificant. When held in a balanced perspective, that desire is a reflection of the Father’s own all-encompassing beauty and goodness.

Your wedding offers you and, by extension, everyone present, a window into this sacred beauty. Beauty is a bridge, communicating a depth of understanding that surpasses words and points us to its source. When you deeply love your Catholic faith, drawing your loved ones’ attention to beauty and goodness offers them a glimpse of what God is like. And that glimpse has the power to speak volumes– to pierce and awaken.

Second, He is the ultimate host.

If goodness, truth, and beauty are a bridge, where do they lead? To the heart of the Father. Always, he beckons us and meets us right where we are. He invites us.

Our Catholic faith can extend an invitation, not build a wall. It can communicate through those things unspoken that stir the heart to consider its purpose and to embrace its ache for the eternal. Your wedding day, and marriage, can embody the love of God for his children and foretell the heavenly wedding feast–the ultimate invitation. We’re all called to the banquet.

From us to you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

In whatever capacity you’ve encountered Spoken Bride over the years, we are beyond grateful for all that you are. We sincerely hope your experience was just that: an encounter, real and true without artifice, unafraid of the Cross, a source of encouragement and positivity. 

We have loved serving you, and though it’s the end of our active work on this ministry, don’t lose sight of the fact that your wedding day is anything but: it’s a beginning. Let’s begin.

In Jesus, through Mary,

Andi Compton and Stephanie Calis

Spoken Bride, Co-Founders & Owners

Image credits: Elissa Voss Photography | Claire Watson Photography

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Lord God, from You every family in Heaven and on earth takes its name. Father, You are love and life.

 Through Your Son, Jesus Christ, born of woman, and through the Holy Spirit, the fountain of divine charity, grant that every family on earth may become for each successive generation a true shrine of life and love.

Grant that Your grace may guide the thoughts and actions of husbands and wives for the good of their families and of all the families in the world.

Grant that the young may find in the family solid support for their human dignity and for their growth in truth and love.

Grant that love, strengthened by the grace of the sacrament of marriage, may prove mightier than all the weaknesses and trials through which our families sometimes pass.

Through the intercession of the Holy Family of Nazareth, grant that the Church may fruitfully carry out her worldwide mission in the family and through the family.

We ask this of You, Who is life, truth and love with the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

 - Prayer of John Paul II for Families

It's Here! All About Our New Advent Book Release.

Today it’s our joy to announce the launch of our first full-length book, Awaited: an Advent Devotional for Catholic Couples!

A longtime dream, we wrote Awaited specifically for couples to share in this season, side-by-side and face-to-face. While we've encountered a variety of liturgical resources for personal reflection, geared toward men or women individually, we envisioned a resource couples could use together--growing in understanding and delving deeper into the heart of God all the while. And here it is! 

We know engagement and married life are ripe for imagining the type of home, traditions, and celebrations you hope to create for your family.

So we’re so proud to offer you a devotional that’s both practically and spiritually edifying, rooted in Scripture and prayer, and encourages you and your beloved to dream and converse. We sincerely hope you love it and that it bears fruits in your relationship year after year.

Here’s what you’ll find inside:

• Weekly focal points emphasizing different aspects of preparing for Christ's birth: preparing your home, your family, your marriage, and your hearts for the Christmas season

• Daily reflections, questions, and action steps to read and discuss as a couple

• Four guided prayer exercises intended to strengthen your shared spiritual lives, throughout Advent and beyond

Ready to get your copy? Ideal for any season of engagement, newlywed life, and years into marriage, Awaited is available now through Amazon and Barnes & Noble, in a digital format or beautifully finished, matte cover paperback.

Wait in hope. The Awaited One––He who will transform our marriages and our lives ––is near.

Liturgical Living for Catholic Couples

ANDI COMPTON

Growing up, I never saw the seasons of the Church outside of the Mass. The priest changed colors occasionally, the Church was beyond crowded on Christmas and Easter, and every year Ordinary time seemed to go on forever. As a young adult, I was fascinated to learn about the different ways saints are venerated and celebrated throughout the world. I soon discovered liturgical living. 

The concept of Liturgical Living is simple: make the seasons of the Church come alive in your domestic church.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SARAH ASCANIO PHOTOGRAPHY, SEEN IN NATASHA + TIM | NEW YEAR’S WINTER WATERCOLOR WEDDING

Over the past twelve years, my husband and I have tried many different traditions and celebrations in our marriage, in our home, and with our children; I share some of our favorites of the Liturgical seasons below:

Ordinary time

Decorate the home with greenery in a vase on the mantle, on the table, or in the windows. Some years we hang a wreath of greenery on our doorway as well.

Celebrate the saints’ feast days. Our go-to celebration includes reading a short blurb about the saint or feast day during dinner, and either cooking a dish from the saint’s home country, where they are regionally celebrated, or creating a dessert and trying to tie it in (ie., angel food cake for Guardian Angels). Some great saints to celebrate are St. Francis de Sales, St. John Bosco, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Agatha, Sacred Heart of Jesus, Corpus Christi, Immaculate Heart of Mary, St. Benedict, Sts. Peter and Paul, St. Kateri Tekakwitha, St. Dominic, The Transfiguration, St. Lawrence, St. Maximillian Kolbe, The Assumption, The Coronation of Mary, St. Monica, St. Augustine, St. Teresa of Kolkuta, St. Therese, Guardian Angels, Our Lady of the Rosary, St. Luke, and St. Cecilia. 

Advent

During our first married Advent, we hosted a Church New Year Party. I decorated with purple and pink and made the atmosphere festive. Unfortunately I fell asleep during the party because I was pregnant--true story. I wish I could tell you if the guests enjoyed it!

Wait to put up Christmas decorations. We set up our tree when advent begins and use it as a Jesse tree. Each night we read one or two Bible stories to journey through salvation history from Adam to Jesus. We begin to turn on the tree’s lights on St. Lucy’s Day (December 13), and we put the ornaments up on the 24th. Some years we also wind purple and pink ribbons on the tree.

I created an 8x10 Advent printable that hangs in a frame on our front door until the 24th when it gets swapped for a Christmas wreath.

Celebrate Our Lady of Guadalupe. Some areas will have mananita Mass, but if you can’t find one nearby, you can celebrate the day with a trip to visit a parish with an Our Lady of Guadalupe image and indulge in your favorite Mexican food.

Purchase an Advent wreath and a set of candles. Every night before dinner prayers we shut off the kitchen lights and light the candles while singing “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” and then say prayers. 

Place a nativity in your home. There are so many beautiful options of nativity scenes! I know friends who collect nativities wherever they travel; others have the Fontanini collection and add a piece every year.

Christmas

Go to Mass. We usually go to Mass on Christmas morning and open presents afterwards while eating waffles made with the recipe my husband’s grandfather made for them. 

Celebrate the octave of Christmas as the solemnity it is: eight days of feasting! We try to do an outing each day and let the kids (and ourselves) eat dessert every night.

Have a 12th night party for Epiphany. Celebrate Epiphany with gifts. Many cultures celebrate Los Reyes Magos and children receive presents on January 6th instead of Christmas Day. We leave our shoes out the night before and the Wise men leave us oranges, chocolate coins, and sometimes small toys.

Be really bold and leave up some decorations until February 2 for the Baptism of Our Lord. 

Lent

Prepare for Ash Wednesday. Before Ash Wednesday Mass, pray and talk about what penances and prayers you’d like to do together and separately. Also consider ways you could serve and give of your time to help the poor in your community. 

Attend Stations of the Cross at your local parish. Many even have a meatless supper afterwards to help build community.

Celebrate Passiontide, the week before Palm Sunday, by covering up all the holy images and items in your home with purple cloth. This has actually become my favorite Lenten tradition. Our home feels so different, so tomblike, without the faces of Jesus, Mary, and the saints watching over us.

Easter

Feast for 50 days. I’m not joking, eat dessert as much as you can. We begin with waffles after Mass, and all throughout Easter our kids get to eat the candy from our big neighborhood egg hunt.

Celebrate Divine Mercy Sunday. Say a chaplet with friends and family, then indulge in Divine Mercy Sundaes! We serve vanilla ice cream with two “rays” of whipped cream topped with red and blue sprinkles.

Celebrate the Ascension and Pentecost by saying the mysteries of the Rosary for those feast days and plan a special meal. 

Celebrate the Crowning of Mary. Often times May, the month of Mary, falls within the Easter season. If you have a special statue of her inside or outside of your home, crown her! There isn’t a wrong or right way to do this. You can say prayers, sing Marian hymns, and buy or make her a little crown of springtime blooms. Keep her company this month with lots of rosaries!

The quickest way to begin new liturgical living traditions is to incorporate green, white, purple, rose, and red tablecloths as a visual reminder of the significant day or season. It’s an easy change that makes a big impact in any space. If you’re able to buy or paint an “It’s your special day” plate, it can be used for birthdays, feast days, and to celebrate the anniversary of someone’s sacraments.

What is your favorite way to celebrate the different seasons of the Church? Share your reflections with our community on Facebook or Instagram.

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About the Author: Andi is the Business Director for Spoken Bride, combining years of professional event coordination with a passion for helping couples truly enter into the sacrament of marriage. She has been married to her Beloved for 12 years and they have 5 children from toddler to tween.

Editors Share | First Dance Songs

The first dance as husband and wife is often the most awaited part of a wedding reception. It is a special and romantic moment between the newlyweds and it highlights the unique personality of the couple.

In this month’s Editors Share, our team remembers their first dance and explains why they chose their song.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

Stephanie Calis, Co-founder & Editor in Chief

My husband and I danced to the song “You are the One” by Matt Hires, which had come on my iPod as we drove to a holy hour one night during our engagement. It’s a sweet, simple song that still brings back precious memories, but the truth is, we were too shy to set our first dance to the one we truly felt defined us! The ideal selection, for us, was “In My Arms” by Jon Foreman, the lead singer of Switchfoot. Despite our love for it we ultimately felt too shy to use such a quiet song, with such intimate lyrics, in front of all our guests. For any couples like us hesitating to choose particular reception music because of self-consciousness, I’d encourage you to communicate and discern what you’re comfortable with and to pray for a sense of freedom with the necessary attention your wedding day brings!

Andi Compton, Business Director

We chose Matt Maher’s version of “Set Me As A Seal” because we simply liked the song. I wish I had a deeper explanation, but we both just felt like it was the right song. We ended up having a dance choreographed. If you know my husband, you know that we’re complete opposites. I love to dance, he likes to not dance. But for me he was willing to take ballroom dancing lessons and perform in front of our families..

Jiza Zito, Co-Founder and Creative Director

My husband and I chose “Accidentally in Love” by Counting Crows. Mark and I had a stressful engagement since he was serving overseas with his military command, all up until a few days before the wedding, so we wanted something fun and upbeat. Mark was also an avid swing dancer during his college years at the United States Naval Academy, which we got to enjoy together a few times during our courtship, so we wanted to share that part of our relationship with our friends and family on our wedding day as well.

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

For our first dance, we moved in sync with Michale Buble’s “Hold On.” My husband suggested many ideas for our first dance song, but many focused on the beauty of the bride or the groom’s love for his bride; I was uncomfortable choosing a wedding song about the bride. This song was a great fit because it captures the essence of the mutual and reciprocal love of a married couple. The lyrics also serve as a reminder to grow in affirming physical touch in the midst of stress, frustration, sadness, and joy. Although physical touch is not my number one love language, a good hug often breaks through heavy emotional tension. As this song builds up to its finale, it reinforces the power of holding onto love in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, ‘till death do us part.

Though we both enjoy jumping around during spontaneous dance parties, neither of us are organized dancers. With that in mind, we invested in dance classes at a local studio—and loved every second. Beyond the benefits of feeling confident in our plan for our first dance, lessons were also a special opportunity to learn something new, be challenged, move our bodies and laugh together in preparation for our wedding day.

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

Our first dance song was “God Gave Me You,” the version performed by Blake Shelton. My husband and I first met when we were 14 and high school sweethearts, and we were a country couple. On our first date he drove me to dinner in his white Chevy pickup truck in blue jeans, boots, and all. Many, many years and a wedding later, we still own that truck!

When we decided to pick “our song” for our relationship (which was definitely inspired by Taylor Swift’s 2009 single by the same name — released only the year before!), we decided on two requirements: the melody needed to mention God and needed to be a country song. I suggested “God Gave Me You,” and it became the song we grew up with together, from the age of 14 to (now) 23.

A couple years before we got married, I taught my husband how to country dance, and it is now one of our favorite things to do together. So when our wedding day finally arrived, seven years after we met, we country danced to the song we fell in love to as high school freshmen.

Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

My husband and I chose the song “God Moves Through You” by Jason Mraz for our first dance. My husband has been a Mraz fan for a long time, which is how he first heard this song; Jason Mraz actually wrote it for his sister’s wedding so it’s not on any of his albums. It’s a really beautiful song, and was adapted from a collection of poems by Kahlil Gibran.

One of my favorite lines from the song is: “Let the wind of heaven dance between you too/Allow the space and time to bring you closer to everlasting love.” The song speaks of the love between a husband and a wife being a movement of God, a grace working in your life. We also loved that it also speaks of children as a gift.

Since it isn’t on an album, our friend Steve the Missionary offered to play it on his ukulele and sing it live during our reception. It was such a memorable moment from that day.

Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

In the last couple weeks before our wedding, Patrick and I decided we really needed to sit down and make a decision on our first dance song. We never really had a song in the five years of our friendship/dating relationship, so we didn’t have too many ideas. One afternoon, while hanging out in my parents’ kitchen, we ended up Googling “First Dance Song Ideas” and decided to just go through the list until something resonated with us. We stumbled across “That’s How Strong My Love Is” by Otis Redding and both really liked it.

I love that it’s soulful and with a beat, but still a slow song that makes it easy to dance and sing along to. We actually ended up taking a couple of dance classes at Fred Astaire with a Groupon I had purchased. In the end, I think we just decided to sway to the music, not worrying about counting steps, but it was still fun!

I have no regrets about our choice, but funnily enough, we were just talking a couple weeks ago about our first dance. We said we probably would have picked the 1998 classic “All My Life” by K-Ci and JoJo if we had thought of it at the time!

Danielle Rother, Pinterest Manager

Our first dance was inspired by the waltz in Disney’s live-action Cinderella, where Ella greets the Prince on the dance floor in her beautiful blue ballgown for the first time. Since we wanted to dance a traditional waltz we looked through a variety of instrumental songs that had the right ¾ time signature we needed for the dance. As I was searching for songs I came across, "The Princess Diaries Waltz," by John Debney from the score of The Princess Diaries. After listening to it I knew, in my heart, it was the right song for us.

The Princess Diaries is a favorite childhood movie I watched growing up with my maternal grandmother, who passed away in 2012. One of her biggest dreams was to see me get married. While I wish she had lived longer to see me take my marriage vows, this song made me feel close to her on our special day.

Dancing a waltz at our wedding was an incredible experience and it was everything I had hoped for. Jeff and I had practiced dancing for many hours during our engagement and it certainly paid off! During the dance, I felt like I was flying and it was truly magical.

Now that we are married, I am still practicing the art of dance through life as a married couple. It may not always be as graceful as it was on our wedding day. Occasionally we may stumble. But it’s good to know that as long as we have each other we can make it through anything together.

Tasha Johnson, Administrative Assistant

A couple of years ago, I got to fly across the country to attend the wedding of two former missionary teammates of mine. I served with the husband my first year and the wife my second, so I had really gotten to know them separately, and it was such a joy to finally see them together.

Their choice of Matt Maher’s “Hold Us Together” was a perfect fit for their small, intimate wedding, because it was so evident that their love for each other was already something fruitful; it really spoke to the care they had taken to welcome all of us to share life with them throughout their courtship, and even especially in the days leading up to the wedding! It was definitely a fun song to watch them twirl and dip to, but it was even more so a reminder of the ways their relationship had already served as a shelter, both for them and for those of us who had the honor of walking through life’s storms with them. It was an absolutely beautiful theme for the first day of the rest of their lives!

Editors Share | When Expectations Meet Reality

The beauty of a wedding and joy of fulfilling a call to vocation is daydream worthy. From a young age, girls and women can often identify their ideals for the kind of man they imagine marrying, visions of their wedding day, or expectations of day-to-day married and family life.

In this month’s Editors Share, our team reflects on the dreams we had about marriage as single women, and how those expectations either changed or came to fruition after saying I do.

Photography: Horn Photography, seen in Rosie + Tyler | Fall Yacht Club Wedding

Stephanie Calis, Co-founder & Editor in Chief

During our engagement, I frequently prayed in thanksgiving that no one knew, saw, or understood me in the way my husband-to-be did, and I felt the same about him. At the time, I think we did know each other more fully than anyone else.

After our wedding, however, I started to realize how little a fullness of him I had actually known: I’d never known, for instance, how he liked to load a dishwasher, how he preferred to unwind after a stressful day, what grocery staples he liked to keep on hand. Normal adjustments to married life and significant time spent together--particularly after a long-distance engagement--sometimes made me question how well we knew one another at all.

In hindsight, I see the Holy Spirit drawing us out of self-focused habits and toward a shared life. I now consider it a great gift that even with all the trust, confidence, and admiration I had for my husband (and how well I knew him at the time) on our wedding day, the years have continually revealed new parts of him to me and we are constantly presented with opportunities to know and love each other more deeply through various quirks and discoveries.

Andi Compton, Business Director

I really thought that my future husband would do large showy displays affection (think Toby on This is Us. The guy gets me). I REALLY wanted to be proposed to in front of Cinderella’s castle at Disneyland, but the man I married is a very private person. He and I were the only ones present when he proposed and we had no engagement party. We didn’t even get a photo until a couple of hours after! A part of me was definitely crushed, but the longer I’ve known my husband, I’ve learned how hard it was for him to be vulnerable and propose at all (even when he knew it was a sure thing!) and I’ve learned to embrace the private way he chose.

Jiza Zito, Co-Founder and Creative Director

I am a recovering perfectionist and overachiever, and I too married a perfectionist and overachiever. I was (and still am at times) the sort that if you said “Jump!”, I would ask “How high?”. I always wanted things done efficiently and with the least amount of mistakes as possible on the first try. Because perfectionists and overachievers can often set the bar too high, it can take a great deal to break them out of their unforgiving and sometimes unrealistic expectations.

As an engaged couple, we lived long-distance while being fully immersed in our careers and education at the time; therefore, I did not yet fully realize my expectation for perfection from others. Like many, you sometimes enter into marriage thinking you’re invincible. It was not until my husband and I were expecting our first born immediately after our wedding that my pride got “a swift kick to the pants” and I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and hyperemesis gravidarum, a condition characterized by severe nausea, vomiting, weight loss, and electrolyte disturbance during pregnancy. In addition, we were also experiencing our first deployment and his numerous underways out to sea. When you pair separation and illness on top of the “typical” learning to grow and live together as a newlywed couple and later as parents to a colic-y, difficult newborn, it is severely humbling.

Over 10 years of marriage, there has been many good times. However, it is through the times of great suffering that has strengthen us in our vocation — 8 moves around the country, multiple deployments, the loss of two babies, the special needs of our earthly children, and the continued battle with gestational diabetes and hyperemesis gravidarum with each pregnancy, endometrosis, and as well as post-partum depression that sometimes follows. Each individual within the family unit has their own unique way of processing grief, loss, and trials, and it requires great patience and dying to self when walking in those valleys together. It requires leaning into a support system of people you trust, as well as spiritual direction and professional therapy when necessary. Suffering is sanctifying. It breaks us and molds us. It purifies the heart of its selfish ambitions, and when done in union with Christ, it draws us closer to Him and to each other. While you can never fully anticipate the suffering to which you both will be called to before your wedding day, the reality of God’s abundant Love and Mercy will always greatly surpass your expectations.

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

Long before I even knew my husband-to-be, I confidently committed myself to saving a KitchenAid Mixer for marriage. Despite the friends who tried to talk me into Black Friday sales and family who offered to buy one as a college graduation gift, I desired to withhold this life-changing kitchen appliance until the day I became a wife.

At the time, I made this decision simply because I wanted my life to look and feel remarkably different before and after marriage. It is the same line of thinking that held me accountable to not live with a boyfriend or fiancé before we were married. It is the same delayed gratification that saved other highly valued and anticipated experiences with my husband for marriage alone.

My husband and I are well-into our first year of marriage and my life is undeniably different from the life I lived as a single person. Marriage brought me across an ocean, into the military, away from my professional career and apart from friends and family. As it turns out, I didn’t need to save a KitchenAid Mixer for my life to look and feel radically different.

But God used my playful expectation and desire in other ways. My withholding of a kitchen appliance wasn’t about the mixer itself, but was about instilling in me an anticipation for married life to be a remarkably different life. I recognize how “saving a KitchenAid for marriage” was a means for God to prepare and strengthen me for the immense changes that followed our wedding day.

Nonetheless, our mixer has been a means to build community and serve others in our home. It is a means of love in the form of chocolate chip cookies. It is a stress reliever and a source of joy. Although I don't make financial contributions in our family right now, I make meals for our single friends, new parents and neighborhood kids. God is using my desires—both the playful and the serious—to teach me about myself, open my heart to love in creative ways, and be affirmed in my vocation as a wife.

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

My story is different than most. To be honest, I never had a rosy idea of marriage at all. Since I was little, God gave me the grace to understand the profound beauty in marriage, but I also never thought about it without remembering how hard and painful it probably would be. I didn’t spend most of my tween and teenage years fantasizing about my future husband, writing letters to him, or praying novenas that I would finally meet him. I’m sure part of that is because I didn’t hear about these typical “Catholic girl” trends until college, and also because I met my future husband at 14...on the first day of high school.

By 15, I knew I was going to marry him, but not in a squealy, teenage, naive way. I told my mom one day that I didn’t know how I knew, but I was going to marry this cute football player. Call it a crazy Holy Spirit moment! I said it calmly, nodded, and fell silent again, just knowing, and my mother didn’t challenge me at all. She has told me since then that she knew, somehow, too. She said I looked at my now-husband at 15 the way she looked at my dad at 15, when they met.

Seven years after meeting, after a lot of high school and college growing pains, we joyfully (and exhaustedly) walked down the aisle and were finally married. It’s difficult for me to say what surprised me about marriage, because my temperament is the kind to anticipate and expect all the possible suffering and little crosses that I could possibly encounter in the sacrament. This has its good and bad consequences. So when, for those first three months especially, hard times came, conflict flared up, or I found myself in tearful frustration at midnight on the couch, I saw it as the inevitable. I wasn’t surprised, just dealing with the suffering in marriage I knew would come.

Perhaps what began to surprise me, little by little, was my husband’s consistent, loving, patient response to all the selfish things I said and did that first year. He truly got the worst of me, because marriage felt like looking into a mirror that showed all your worst weaknesses. But he loved me tenderly in spite of them. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that when I would say something incredibly hurtful, he would often pull me into his arms, apologize for upsetting me, and tell me he loved me so much. He showed me what it was to be quick to forgive, to sacrifice your own desires for the sake of your spouse, without any complaints, and to say sorry even when I was the one who had started a quarrel! He loved (and still loves me) like God loves me: so good that it hurts, because I know I don’t deserve it. By the grace of God, I know the sacrament of marriage is forming us into saints, together.

Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

Whenever someone asks me what I’ve learned so far in my marriage, I always half-jokingly respond: “I’ve learned how selfish I am.” While I wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t a particularly selfish person during my single or engaged years. However, marriage demands so much more of me than anything else I have experienced.

I thought (albeit, naively) that I would always be the best version of myself once I got married. And while marriage has certainly shaped me more into the woman God made me to be, I still frequently have days where I’m grumpy or frustrated or downright annoying. My life is not my own anymore, it’s shared with my husband. Everything I say and do has an intimate effect on him and over the past three years I’ve been learning how to forget myself and actively choose love.

At the same time, however, I’ve found more joy in this process than single me ever could have imagined. I really feel like I have found myself through my vocation and I’ve been able to watch my husband grow more as a man. And through that, I’ve been able to encounter God more fully. It’s through self-denial that God has rooted up the weeds in my life (as painful as it can sometimes be) and has replaced it with fertile soil.

Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

I was just thinking the other day about how when we were dating and engaged, date nights and alone time spent together were so frequent. It really made me miss those early days! It was so easy to plan a spontaneous night out together at a new restaurant or bar in town. However, almost six years into marriage and add in two small children, our state of life has changed. Budget constraints and parenthood commitments obviously make this impossible, if not difficult. However, I am so grateful for the joy and struggles that come with raising these two little people. As much as I sometimes wish it were the opposite, weekly date nights out just aren’t a priority right now. I do not want to brush over the fact that date nights and quality time spent together are important for marriage and should be made a priority. I realize now though that date nights don’t have to be out to fancy restaurants each week, like I thought in my dating and single days. It’s easy to compare our realities to others’, especially in the age of Instagram stories when you can literally see what others are doing in the moment.

As my expectations change, I have learned to really appreciate the little moments that my husband and I are able to spend together at the end of the long day, praying our rosary, getting to mass together, reading our books of choice next to each other, and even listening to our favorite podcast together or having a special at home date night.

When we are able to secure a sitter and try out a new (or old favorite) restaurant, our nights are especially valued and savored. In fact, this past fall, we were even able to save up for and take a dream anniversary trip to Italy. With a little sacrifice and a lot of help from our families, we were able to spend this amazing, priceless time together and I am truly grateful to the Lord for that!

Danielle Rother, Pinterest Manager

During my single years I fantasized quite a bit about what my future husband would be like. I made a list of the qualities I was looking for in a husband after reading the book How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul by Jason and Crystalina Evert. I knew I wanted to find a practicing Catholic man who would go to church and pray the rosary with me ­— someone who was handsome, chivalrous, kind, gentle, and had similar interests to me. While the message of the Everts’ book is just as beautiful as the enchanting artwork pictured on the front cover; my own expectations were just about as real as finding a Disney Prince for a husband.

I believe having high expectations is a good thing, and at the same time, there comes a point when it’s important to recognize when those expectations have become unrealistic. Perhaps I sought to find someone so similar to me that I was basically looking for a male version of myself. Eventually I had to come to terms with the fact that the person I would end up with was not going to be a carbon copy.

The truth is, the man I fell in love with does hold many of the qualities I was searching for in a husband and he is also as different from myself as one can get. We have completely opposite temperaments and personalities. Throughout our courtship I knew that we were very different from each other, but it wasn’t until we were married that those differences became very challenging for us to navigate. Both of us have needed to adjust our expectations.

The extrovert in me is always seeking interaction and attention while the introvert in him is constantly looking for some solitude. My love language revolves around extravagant grand gestures and my husband is more content with the ordinary pleasures of life. Some days it seems like we have come to an impasse; yet somehow the grace of the sacrament has held us together. The reality of marriage means constantly dying to ourselves just a little bit more every day; compromise is an art form that we are still learning as newlyweds.

While the dreamer in me will never stop dreaming, I’ve learned that it’s important to live in our own reality and not to have unrealistic expectations in our marriage. I will always be grateful for the magical moment that was our wedding day, but everyday life in marriage can’t be a perpetual fairytale. It would be unsustainable. And even if it were possible, the magical moments would be less magical. It’s really the storms in life that we experience which help us to appreciate the joyful moments—because without rain there would be no rainbows.

Editors Share | Participating in the Mass

At the start of a new year and a new season of the liturgical calendar, we consider ways to refresh our habits and live each day with intention. Today, the Spoken Bride team shares some of the practices that shape their preparation for and engagement during the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KELLI SEELEY PHOTOGRAPHY, seen in Alana + Stephen | California Air Force Wedding

Stephanie Calis, Editor in Chief & Co-Founder

In this season of raising young children, my husband and I have had to adjust our expectations of what we hope to “get” from the Mass, and I think after several years we’ve reached something of a sweet spot. In doing so, my view has shifted to the reality that Mass is, in fact, not about getting, but about gift: Christ’s free, faithful, total, and fruitful sacrifice poured out and re-presented to us at every liturgy. I have to remind myself that even on days when I miss every other word of the homily or when my baby tries to escape under the kneelers over and over, Jesus is truly present and desires to enter into my life and vocation in such a specific, intimate way.

That said, I do make efforts to devote myself to worship and prayer. As I approach the altar for communion, the song “Sanctuary” frequently echoes in my head, underscoring for me the beautiful nuptial significance of the sacraments and helping dispose me to receive the Eucharist. The thought of humbly approaching the altar, walking toward the Bridegroom, is so moving to me.

My husband and I try to take turns handling and praying with our kids after communion, so that we can each have personal prayer and reflection time. We sometimes alternate taking them outside immediately after Mass, as well, to give each other additional time to pray in the chapel. Since college, I have always prayed after Mass the St. Michael prayer (which my parish now says collectively, before the final blessing), a prayer to St. Raphael for friends and family members and their future spouses, and have renewed my consecration to Mary.

Jiza Zito, Creative Director & Co-Founder

My family arrives early, brings missals, and says a prayer of thanksgiving after Mass. I try to go to confession at least twice a month with my husband or as a family, and to daily Mass at least once a week.

Andi Compton, Business Director

I meet with my Gospel Group weekly and we read the Sunday Readings and discuss the readings, upcoming feast days, and liturgical living. I am an Every Sacred Sunday drop out—at this season in my life with five kids, including a newborn, I just can’t remember to bring books and take time to write notes. But I do use the Laudate app to keep up with the readings whenever I’m in the cry area and a book isn’t available. Our goal is to make it to confession once a month. Our two oldest can now receive reconciliation and it’s so important to us to model us admitting that we are sinners in need of forgiveness by going regularly.

Honestly, during this season of my life, I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough because what I plan to do is interrupted by my actual life. I’ve learned to think of these interruptions as opportunities to offer up for our family’s salvation and any other intentions I can think of. At Christmas Eve Mass I was really wrestling with all my emotions of the process of bringing the whole crew to Mass (baths, getting dressed, leaving too late, parking far away, walking through the crazy parking lot, not finding seats, dealing with usherettes on power trips) but when the Eucharist was held up and the priest said “Behold, this is Lamb oh God…” a very clear voice in my head saying “This is why.” So even if you’re in a season where you can’t do all the things you desire in your prayer life, know that you can find Jesus exactly where you are.

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

There are many little habits I have started to acquire that allow me to prepare better and go deeper into the great gift that is the Catholic Mass. I am not perfectly consistent yet, but I find that my spiritual life is much stronger when I am more intentional about them.

Something new I am doing this year is using the Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal to pre-read the readings at home on Sunday or Saturday, take notes, reflect, and prepare spiritually for my upcoming week. I also use the journal to take notes during the homily! I haven’t received any weird stares yet.

In preparation for receiving the Eucharist again the next time I am at Mass, I strive to make daily (if not multiple times a day) spiritual communions. There are many different prayers you can chose from to “make” a spiritual communion. I pray, “Lord, I am not worthy that you should come under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.”

When my husband and I are driving to Mass together, we pray St. Ambrose’s before Mass prayer in the car. I keep the paper with the prayer on the visor above the driver’s side, so I never have to think about remembering it; it is always there. I also try to listen to Christian or sacred music or ride in silence.

Additionally, I find it much easier to focus my Mass time when I arrive at least 10 minutes early to say hello to Jesus and tell him what my intentions for the Mass are.

For several months now, I have been accountable for attending daily Mass on Thursdays. A dear friend agreed to go to morning Mass with me on Thursday, and then we get coffee together! This makes sure I show up instead of making an excuse or sleeping in, and it cultivates a beautiful friendship founded on faith and virtue (and coffee).

During Mass, whenever I am about to enter the communion line, I pray in my head, “Mama Mary, prepare me to receive your Son in a way that does not desecrate His most holy body.” It can be so easy for me to get distracted right before I get up receive the Eucharist or while walking in line. I forget that I am walking the wedding aisle to my Bridegroom. So I call upon Mama Mary to clear my head and keep me focused on the sacrament.

When the priest raises the Body and Blood after consecration, I pray “my Lord and my God, thank you Jesus.”

I try not to go more than two weeks to a month between confessions. Getting over the “public shame” of staying in your seat during communion if you are not properly disposed to receive has also been transformative for my conscience and my soul. It also increases humility and my desire to get to confession so I can receive in a state of grace at the next Mass.

And finally, I veil at every Mass, in adoration chapels, and in the church when I go to confession, because those are all places I am in the presence of the Eucharist. Veiling has been immensely transformative for me. It changed my interior dispositions during Mass and even transformed the outward way I dress inside and outside of church. I am in love with this tradition the Church offers us as women.

Stephanie Fries, Editor at Large

I love to volunteer as a lector at Mass as a way for me to serve in our community and to engage more intimately with the readings. I am re-building a habit of bringing a small notebook with me to Mass so I can note specific readings or excerpts from the homily that I want to reflect on again at home. I strive to consistently pray a prayer of Thanksgiving after Mass, “for the beauty of this day and the sacrifice of your son.”

Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

My family and I have recently started attending a Latin Mass parish. I know this is not the case for everyone, but we are blessed that we are relatively close to two parishes that offer the TLM (one of them is the parish we were married in!). My husband and I both have experienced great fruits since attending consistently.

We like to prepare by making sure we have the readings handy during Mass. We currently use the missal and leaflets that are offered at our Church since we don’t have our own Missals yet. It is one of my goals for 2019 to acquire our own though! In a pinch, the Laudate app on my phone has been helpful as it has all the daily readings and prayers of the Mass.

After communion, I like to pray the Anima Christi prayer, and I also try to kneel and pray in silence. It can be tough with two small children though. We each get up with one of the kids at least once during the Mass due to someone needing to go to the bathroom or getting too fidgety. When I get frustrated, I try to remind myself that this is just the season of my life right now. Quietly explaining the parts of the Mass or pointing our candles, the Crucifix, or statues seem to help draw their attention to the Mass. My kids also seem to prefer to sit closer to the altar so they can see. Getting to Mass a little early makes this possible and gives us some extra prayer time. We sometimes also bring in a couple books or quiet toys. We try to go to daily Mass a couple times a week at a few different parishes nearby, too.

Outside of Mass, we pray a family rosary together every night. It has become part of our routine before the kids go to bed and it’s so nice to have those 15 minutes of quiet and peace together. The kids definitely fidget and sometimes fall asleep before we finish, but it definitely feels like it brings peace and order to our day, no matter how the rest of the day has been. In addition, I try to go to the confession at least once a month. My goal for this year is to add in at least 20-30 minutes of spiritual reading in during the day, as well.

Behind the Scenes | Andi's Insider Look at the World of Catholic Wedding Planning

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Today, we’re excited to share with you an inside look at a wedding coordinator’s responsibilities--and how you, as the bride, can have the best experience with your coordinator, if you’ve chosen to hire one, and to anticipate the details that make for a smooth wedding day. Read on for Andi’s testimony, her advice for a joy-filled marriage--the fruit of 10 years with her husband, Matt--and the #1 piece of information to share with your coordinator.

You've loved weddings and had a creative streak for a long time! How did you get started in the wedding industry?

I've been planning parties since my fourth birthday, when I told my parents we were having it at Chuck E. Cheese! Each year my parties got increasingly complex. My parents were very supportive of my ever-growing love of crafts, taking me to the store for classes and demos and letting me take over a cabinet (then a closet) for all of my supplies.

Then at 15, I saw the movie The Wedding Planner. I had no idea people could earn a living getting to help others with parties! This is long before Pinterest, so I’d save my allowance to subscribe to any bridal magazine I could get my hands on, then cut and paste together mock weddings.

In college I worked at Mon Amie, the largest bridal store on the West Coast. I learned so much about the wedding industry and even got to model dresses on the weekends.

When my husband proposed, we came up with a budget and I finally got the chance to learn exactly how to put together the ideas I’d been reading about for so long. After our wedding we were blessed with a bunch of babies (and lots of birthdays to plan!), and I would occasionally help a friend with her wedding.  

Soon I was being asked to essentially coordinate these weddings. I felt a pull towards making things official with a name, website, and branding. Then came networking and coordinating styled shoots, where I could meet other local vendors and build a relationship.

Do you work mostly with Catholic couples, or with others, as well? What, to you, sets a Catholic wedding apart?

The majority of the couples I work with are Catholic, and I would really enjoy that being my focus. I still work with secular couples, but they are mostly family friends or referrals.

Jesus Christ is what sets a Catholic wedding apart! Having the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of our Lord truly present at a wedding is just beyond phenomenal.

Do you have any stories of seeing the faith come alive in the couples you've worked with?

I arrived to the church an hour early before one wedding and prayed in the Adoration chapel until the wedding party arrived. At that time, I noticed the groom was nervous. I told him to go and sit in front of our Lord for awhile, and it was beautiful to see him, his brother, and their friend in prayer.

Now That's a Party offers services from basic wedding day timelines to full-on coordination from start to finish. What aspects of wedding planning are your brides most surprised by?

I think the biggest surprises are the little details that can easily be overlooked--like ordering meals for your vendors, packing an overnight bag if you're staying with your new husband in a hotel, and designating plans for cleanup and taking gifts home.

Here’s an example of unexpected details it’s important to plan for: one wedding I did was in a park overlooking the ocean, and the bride had ordered rose petals. I had her look over city regulations, pack a rake for after the ceremony, and schedule the petals into the timeline.

Brides have so much access to visual inspiration, message boards, and dozens more resources when planning their weddings, often before they even meet their vendors. As a coordinator, have you noticed pros and cons to this?

Pinterest can be an awesome tool to visualize your ideas and discover what trends you’re drawn to. On the flip side, it can make everything seem overwhelming; almost paralyzing. The biggest downside for me is having clients say, "Sorry, this isn't really going to be Pinterest-worthy wedding," as if that were the goal.

Becoming a Pinterest trend or getting featured on a wedding blog should never be your focus. Viewers will care about it for a day or so, then move onto the next thing. But the man you're engaged to wants to be your husband for the rest of your life.

Another disadvantage of inspiration overload is that so many wedding images on Instagram, Pinterest, and blogs are simply unattainable to the average couple, yet it can tap into our vanity because we want to fit in. Few wedding blogs feature simple receptions in church hall, yet I've happily coordinated those; and truly, the couples are so filled with the grace of the Holy Spirit from their wedding. It is just beautifully infectious to all their guests.

What's the most helpful thing a couple can do for you, as their coordinator, before and during the big day?

Hands down, send me copies of every single signed contract and give me contact info for each vendor, friend, or family member who will be there for setup, as well as emergency contacts. Once I have all of that info, I can contact each vendor and helper so I know what to expect and can construct a timeline for each person involved, so we are all on the same page. That timeline is gold on the day of!

We’d love to hear stories from some of the weddings you've worked on! Are there any particularly profound moments that stand out to you? Any funny or otherwise memorable ones?

One of the most fun moments at a wedding was when a bride and groom surprised their families with a belly dancing ensemble. One of the groom's cousins came out and played drums with the drummer, and everyone there was really into it. They even danced with swords! Another couple went all out smashing cake into each other's faces. That was rare for me; in my experience, most couples are nice and don't want to make a mess.

Does being immersed in weddings and, by extension, marriage, influence your relationship with your husband and family, and vice versa?

Yes! A big trend I've seen in the past several years is elaborate, showy proposals. They are featured on blogs, go viral on YouTube, and are all over Pinterest. Though I, of course, cherish my husband, he absolutely did not stage a "dream proposal," and I've had to try really hard to develop humility, accepting the reality of what happened and growing in gratitude for who he is. A proposal is all of five minutes, but having someone by your side, someone who constantly chooses to love you in sickness and in health, in bad times and in good…well, that's real love.

Lastly, what distinctively Catholic planning secrets can you share with brides-to-be?

First, before booking any vendors, book your church. Many dioceses require 6-9 months of preparation before the wedding. Second, develop an openness to Natural Family Planning. For many couples, it's their first time delving into the technical aspects after years of just hearing about it. No matter where you’re coming from, learning about the body God gave you is truly empowering.

Photography: Leif Brandt Photography, as seen in Sara + Calvin | Sophisticated Handcrafted Wedding, coordinated by Andi.

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Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Insider Tips for your Dress Shopping Appointments

ANDI COMPTON

I spent six months working as a sales representative at Mon Amie Bridal, one of the largest bridal stores on the West Coast. It was my first experience in high-end retail; we sold dresses anywhere from under $1000 to $10k. During my time on staff, I had the opportunity to meet several designers visiting for trunk shows, and l also got thrown into modeling gowns at our fashion shows.

Here, from the fruits of my experience, my tips for planning and attending your dress shopping appointments.

Photography: Laurentina Photography, seen in Edith + Bomani | Kenyan Catholic Wedding

Before you go

How to stay on budget

I suggest starting your shopping with an overall Apparel budget,  meaning all the items you'll be wearing. For instance, an apparel budget of $1000 might look like:

• Dress (don’t forget sales tax!), $500

• Alterations, $150

• Undergarments, $50

• Veil, $100

• Shoes,$75

• Accessories (be specific), $125: necklace, bolero for Mass, tiara/headpiece, etc

Additionally, it’s wise to come up with a number value before going in and trying on gowns. It’s so easy to get attached to gowns you can’t afford. And know that “affordable” isn’t a number; it means something different to everyone. Be able to tell your consultant at the store, “I’m looking for a dress in the range of [number] to [number].”

Keep dress codes in mind.

Check with your church to see your shoulders must be covered, or if other guidelines are requested for for brides and bridesmaids. Because your wedding will be before the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ, present in the Blessed Sacrament--as well as in a house of worship--modest dress is appropriate. Many brides opt for shawls or small jackets to be removed after the ceremony. There are also so many beautiful, current gowns available with sleeves.

Pray.

Give everything to Jesus in prayer. For inspiration, begin with this beautiful prayer for brides as they prepare to dress shop. Each time we bring the Lord into the center of our decisions, we can trust that he will provide and can practice keeping him at the center of our lives.

Consider timing. Shop earlier, rather than later.

Even if you have a long engagement, plan to purchase your dress 6-8 months before your wedding. If your dress has to be custom-made--through Etsy, for instance--or ordered from overseas, you’ll have plenty of time for its creation and journey through customs.

Short engagement? Pick out a dress as soon as you’re able. The bride’s gown often sets the tone for the formality and style of the wedding, and it will help you make other aesthetic decisions down the road.

If you can swing a weekday appointment, the salon will be much calmer. Saturdays and Sundays are the busiest times, as is typical with retail. The same applies right after the New Year, when many holiday proposals have taken place.

At Your Appointment

Two’s company, three’s a crowd.

Take a small number of trusted individuals with you when you shop; women you can trust to give you an honest opinion on fit and style. The first time I went dress shopping, I actually took my mom and dad, and tried on the gown I would end up buying five months later. It was simply the right one for me.

Get a sense of what you like.

Bring a few photos with you, or whip out your Pinterest board. If your consultant has a keen eye, he or she will be able to notice patterns in your selections and offer some great suggestions. With that in mind…

...Let your consultant make a few recommendations.

Even if you are dead set on a sparkly ballgown, it’s okay to try on a lace sheath with sleeves, just to rule it out. You may end up realizing certain details or silhouettes you hadn’t considered are flattering and beautiful.

Additionally, don’t be afraid of sample dresses or those off the rack--these items can be a great fit and perfect deal. Many stores like ModCloth, Nordstrom (be sure to check out the white bridesmaid section for beautiful, more affordable options), and BHLDN have dresses you can purchase online and try on at home. Rent the Runway also offers fun dresses and accessories worth peeking at.

It’s okay to say “no thank you.”

If for any reason your consultant is being pushy or pressuring you to buy, it’s alright to politely say, “no thank you.” It’s also okay to speak to a manager and ask for a new consultant if the one assigned you is not treating you well in any way. Be an advocate for yourself.

Consider accessories.

This definitely applies if you find your gown at your appointment. Try on different lengths of veils, ones with lace or edging, and different headpieces while you’ve got the gown on. Feel free to ask the consultant for bustle recommendations if your dress has a train. Your gown will be bustled either during photos or at your reception, which means it will appear this way in a large portion of your wedding images.

Buy for the size you are now.

You are beautiful, just the way you are. Don’t purchase your dress in a smaller size than you need. It can always be altered down, but it can be next to impossible to size up with certain styles.

Speaking of sizing, bear in mind most designers do not use “street sizing,” so if you’re normally a size 8, you could end up ordering a 10 or 12 according to their size chart. Bridal stores generally go by your largest measurement, but you ultimately have the final say--it’s your money and you are the person signing the contract. Just remember, it’s only a number. If size bothers you, you can always cut the tag out. No one will know the size anyway, and the right dress will make you look and feel amazing!

The Final Purchase

Read and understand every detail of your contract. Ask questions if you need clarification. This applies to every single contract you sign for your wedding--no exceptions!

Photography

When you arrive, check with your salon about their photography policy. Some permit you to photograph anything, while others only allow picture-taking once you’ve purchased a gown. Be respectful of their policy.

I hope this guide helps you feel more confident as you prepare to shop for your wedding gown. It’s not often we get to shop for sacraments!

Share with our community; what was your wedding dress shopping experience like?

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Reflections on 10 Years of Marriage

ANDI COMPTON

By the grace of God, my husband Matt and I have now been married for 10 years. We were married on one of Our Lady's feast days, and she really took care of all the details that day and throughout our honeymoon. Twenty-one year old Andi had no idea what the next decade of her life would bring, but standing here on the other side, I’d love to share with you some insights I’ve gained through it all.

Pray for each other unceasingly.

Thank God on your knees for the gift of your spouse and your vocation. Invite him into your decisions, large and small. Even a simple prayer of, “Lord, help me be a good steward of our money while I grocery shop” helps us keep God at the center of our thoughts and reminds us where all our blessings flow from.

There will be seasons.

Some years are just amazing, completely full of grace and tangible joy. Others have felt like overwhelming dark valleys where we’re just barely hanging on together. This is why I love the part in the traditional vows where we promised to love each other for better or worse. Because there really will be better and worse days and seasons.
 

Stay close to the Church.

Make Sunday Mass, Holy Days, and confession a priority for your family. Even on vacation. Even when you have to split up and take kids to different masses. Even when it seems pointless, just go and give yourself to God. Try to go to confession once a month and make a date out of it. If it becomes a habit now, it’s much easier to incorporate kids into the routine later on.

New identities and roles take time to get used to.

It takes awhile getting settled into a new identity as a wife (or a husband) and to set healthy boundaries with family and friends. It’s all trial and error. For me, the two hardest adjustments were learning how to have a roommate and checking in with my husband before making large purchases. As an only child who lived at home until marriage, I’d never really learned how to share my space with others, and I had no idea of all the work it takes to take care of a home (bills, maintenance, cleaning, cooking, and more). I even joked with Matt that we should just get a bunk bed so I didn’t have to share my bed with him. Fast forward to ten years later and I can’t sleep if he’s not there!

Embrace NFP, especially when it's hard to do.

Natural Family Planning has been a real gift to us despite it being something so counter cultural and, some days, a huge spiritual battle for me to want to stick with it. Every couple will have a different experience during different seasons, and I want you to know that it’s okay.

Some couples will choose never to use NFP, joyfully accepting children if and when they come. Others will struggle immensely to abstain during fertile times but know it’s a cross they have to bear for a season. And then there will be those who honestly don’t struggle as much with abstinence and, due to circumstances have to abstain for months or years at a time. I’ve experienced all of the above situations and it’s likely you and your spouse will encounter a wide range of emotions towards how God is calling you to use NFP for the moment. And that's alright.

So long as we hold to the truth that God is in charge of our families, use our best discernment through prayer--individually and as a couple--and bring in a spiritual director if needed, we can make the best decisions for our families.

Learn to be vulnerable.

It takes time and patience to trust another person 100% with your spiritual life, emotions, sexuality, possessions, and the parts of your personality the rest of the world doesn’t see. There have been times in our marriage where that trust has been broken, and when we had to show love for one another by asking forgiveness and working towards complete vulnerability once again. Couples therapy can be a wonderful tool, and there is absolutely no shame in asking for help when you need it.

I think the wedding toast we’ve prepared for our kids pretty much sums up our thoughts on marriage: “May you be a slave to one another, but most of all to Christ.”

What’s one thing you’ve learned in your months or years of marriage that you’d like to share with other brides and wives?

Photography: Rae and Michael Photography | Shoot Location: Rancho Buena Vista Park, Vista, CA | Cake: Mili's Sweets | Andi's Apparel: Shirt, J. Crew. Necklace, Loft. Dress, Adrianna Papell. Shoes, Sam Edelman.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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How to Create + Give a Spiritual Bouquet

ANDI COMPTON

On the morning of our wedding, my Maid of Honor presented me with a bouquet of daisies. Tied to the flowers were sweet cards written with prayers and sacrifices our bridal party and friends had been offering for my husband and I as as we prepared for our wedding day. I was absolutely floored by this wonderful, thoughtful gift; a spiritual bouquet. It was incredible to see all the ways our loved ones were bringing us to the Lord. A reminder of how we are all part of the body of Christ, praying and sacrificing for one another always.

There is no right or wrong way to create a spiritual bouquet, a lovely way of gathering prayers either from yourself or a group, for anyone who could use some spiritual encouragement. Essentially, it is a gift of prayer--like a bouquet, a collection of beautiful offerings intended to bear fruit, goodness, and beauty in the life of the recipient--that can be presented in a creative, tangible way to commemorate a significant event.

If you’re a bridesmaid looking to intercede for a bride, or a bride hoping to infuse your gifts for parents and wedding party members with a spiritual dimension, here are ideas to inspire you.

Binder of prayers

This works well when you’ve got a large amount of people--even groups of several hundred--contributing, or when flowers simply wouldn’t be practical or affordable. Use the free printable we’ve created below to distribute the cards. Have participants to fill in with prayers and sacrifices, then collect them and use plastic trading card sleeves to put them in a binder.

Embroidered flowers or a floral painting

For flowers that last forever, considering ordering or creating your own work of art. Hyssop and Honey turns your prayers into flowers for a lasting keepsake. If you're feeling artistic, try painting or crafting your bouquet as you pray.

Greeting cards

Something as simple as sending a loved one a card like this one, citing prayers you’ve offered for them, is a great way to show your love and encouragement.

Download our Spiritual Bouquet printable below:

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Let Jesus Interrupt Your Life.

ANDI COMPTON

A couple nights ago as I did the dishes after feeding what felt like 100 people (okay, maybe it was really nine), I listened to one of Fr. Mike Schmidt ‘s homilies. He made this arresting point: becoming a saint really means letting Jesus interrupt our life.

Our plans. Our expectations. Even our hopes and dreams. Just think of Saul. I’m pretty sure he never planned on seeing a heavenly light, falling down, hearing the voice of Jesus, and becoming blind on the way to Damascus. He was probably content with his life and his persecution of Christians. Despite divine intervention, he had the free will to choose complete indifference. Instead, he was transformed, becoming one of the greatest apostles, whom we still read about and ask for intercession some 2000 years later!

In a much less dramatic way, I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t let Jesus interrupt my life in ways big and small.

At 17, I was accepted to Loyola Marymount University to study Film and Business. After attending a weekend visit, however, I was overcome with a huge feeling telling me not to go. I wrestled with all the expectations my family had for me, but in the end, I chose not to attend. In that moment when I said no out loud, I was at peace. That program wasn’t where I was meant to be.

That ended up being the easy part. Telling my parents and grandmother, knowing I had disappointed them, was devastating. I’m a perfectionist; not fulfilling all the plans they had for me, for the first time in my life, was just brutal. But I knew I had to do it. Though they were initially upset, by the grace of God I managed to enroll for classes at the local community college right before the semester began.

Eight months later my mom was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer, while my dad was studying law a few states away. We found out on the same day I left work early because a coworker had committed suicide the night before. It was a huge blow, but how grateful we all were that I was able to live with my mom at the time, instead of being across the country at Loyola.

During all this time, I had been dating a guy from high school. It was getting serious and we were starting to discern marriage, but as I reverted more and more towards my Catholic faith, I knew in my heart I was just not called to marry him. He was very nice and came from a loving family I’d grown to love and respect, but his mother and I could both see the problems that would come from us taking the next step to a mixed faith marriage.

God had another plan to completely interrupt my life.

While my boyfriend was away on vacation, I took care of their sweet puppy. Planes got delayed and his family ended up spending an extra night away, so I randomly decided to go to the LifeTeen Mass our church was having.

During the sign of peace, a man turned around to offer me a hug. He just glowed, and a small voice said, I’m going to marry that man. I had no idea who he was, yet it felt like any and all feelings I had towards my current boyfriend were gone. There was nothing left. And I felt like an absolute idiot.

As luck would have it, this mysterious man was part of the LifeTeen core team, and had been going to our parish for a little over a year, though we’d just met. I instantly joined the core team and started making friends who were growing deeper in love with Jesus and the faith. Surrounding myself with those growing in virtue made all the difference in a time when I was so unsure of the next step.

I still hadn’t broken up with my boyfriend, because it was hard. I honestly didn’t want to hurt him, and we ended up breaking up and getting back together twice within the span of a few months. Even he knew I was in love with this guy from church. We finally let the relationship dissolve and I was at peace, knowing that I had done the right thing even though it hurt.

My friends tried to get me to enjoy the single life for a bit after two years in a relationship, but I was restless. I was trying so hard to listen to their advice of taking things slow, being his friend first, and most of all, waiting for him to approach me. Those five and a half weeks of being single, knowing this man was right there, was driving me insane. But I’m glad I listened. I later found out he was discerning a call to the priesthood when I came along, and he decided to take a chance on me.

At least this time, he knew it was a sure thing and wouldn’t get rejected. On January 14, 2006, I spent an entire core team meeting whining about how hungry I was, how I had gift certificates to California Pizza Kitchen, and how I wished someone would go with me. All my friends mysteriously had plans. After saying our goodbyes, I walked, defeated, to my car.

As I was opening the door I looked up and saw him a few rows over in the empty lot. He took  a deep breath and said, “Do you want to go out to lunch?”

We ended up having a nice lunch and watching King Kong at the theatre across the way, because we didn’t want the date to end.

And that’s the story of my last first date.

My husband and Matt I have been married for 10 years, and I am so grateful for God completely interrupting my plans. Had I gone to LMU, would we have met? Had that plane not been delayed, would the sequence of events leading us to each other that day ever have commenced? Would we be married to each other, or would he have gone on to become a priest while I settled into marriage?

Give God permission to interrupt your life, no matter where you are in the journey of your own vocation. Your interruption, of course, probably won’t be a breakup, but another matter he’s planned for your heart alone. Our God is a God of surprises.

Images by Rae and Michael Photography.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Our Home is a Place of Transition.

ANDI COMPTON

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast.

The only time I get to sneak a peek at Traditional Home magazine, my favorite, is while I wait for the dentist. I love getting to quietly flip through and see how different designers reinvent traditional homes with modern flair, juxtaposing things like wild fabrics with clean lines and classic design elements.

But each of those photos only captures a moment in time, and it is so hard for me not to compare the constant chaos of my home to the sleek pictures in the magazine.

When we moved into our home I was 5 months pregnant with our first daughter. It was quiet, just the two of us. I painted the bedrooms and organized our things at my normal 100-miles-an-hour pace. And then our baby came when the majority of the house was still only halfway painted. I got a huge reality check: things were no longer going to happen as quickly as I wanted.

Projects that used to take a couple of days stretched into two to three months. More kids came, and so did more stuff. Then that stuff had to go, because it was cluttering our home. The cycle just went on and on, until one day, nine years later, I realized that our home is a place of transition.

It’s not meant to be a perfect snapshot. I was rooted in vanity and fear that no one would love me or want to spend time in my home if it didn’t have the right kind of flooring, a separate playroom for the kids, or a backyard playset. And I had to ask God for forgiveness, forgive myself, and let it go.

As our family grows and our children get older, I want our home to be a joyful, welcoming place where friends and family can relax together. Here are three ways we are working towards a home that is not a picture perfect snapshot, but feels comfortable for everyone:

Buy less.

As an avid shopper this one has been really difficult for me, but cutting down on the amount of physical items that come into our house has made a world of difference. Leave the item in your Amazon cart for a few days and see if you can live without it. Don’t just shop because you have a coupon (guilty!). This one does get harder as children get added to the family because more people does mean more stuff, but clutter can still be minimized. Capsule wardrobes have helped us reduce the amount of clothing we need to one giant closet for six people!

Declutter.  

Easier said than done, but I have noticed that when the house doesn’t feel full of stuff, I feel more peaceful and not as worried about our home. In our house, what that  looks like is sorting and getting rid of mail as soon it comes, letting the kids keep a relatively small amount of toys, and constantly getting rid of clothes that don’t fit well and items we no longer use. And I’m serious about the constantly part: my bedroom always has a few boxes to sort things we no longer use into a donation box or bags for different friends who can use kid supplies.

Buy high-quality items.

This goes along buying less. In cutting down on purchases, we’ve also found buying higher quality products does make a difference. While it initially costs more, we spend less having to constantly replace items. For example, we invested in four quality knives when we got married. One decade and several at-home sharpening sessions later, they’re still in excellent condition and we have no need to purchase any more.

Your home and your family are constantly changing. Don’t give into the lie that having a picture-perfect life will bring you happiness. We have to rightly order people over things, practice detachment from material goods, and remember that our homes here on earth are not our eternal homes. And I’m right there alongside you, striving to fight these temptations every day.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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I Dos and Don'ts: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Tracking Your Vendor Payments

ANDI COMPTON

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

Andi recently shared info and worksheets on organizing your vendor contacts; this month, she's designed a user-friendly spreadsheet for keeping track of payments and deadlines.

Planning an event--namely, your wedding--with so many moving parts can be overwhelming. Because you’re working with so many vendors and making so many purchases within a short amount of time, we highly recommend getting everything out of your head, onto paper. That way, it’s simpler to really see what you’ve done and what still needs to addressed.

On that note, this printable tracker is designed to help you keep track of all your vendor payments. Assembling your wedding day dream team is so much fun, but after initial thrill wears off, it’s key to keep good records of whom you have paid, when you did so, how much you still owe, and if you would like to give them a gratuity.

Happy Planning!

Click to download your copy of the Vendor Payment Tracker.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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I Dos and Don'ts: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Organizing Your Vendors + Downloadable Contact List

ANDI COMPTON

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

We've talked vendor interviews and booking before in this series. Now let's get you a system for organizing them. 

As you're working hard researching and interviewing vendors, signing contracts and paying deposits, it's so important to keep track of everyone you've hired. By filing in all the vital contact details, you'll be able to find your photographer's phone number when you need it, or have your floral designer's address at your fingertips when it's time to write the final balance check.

Don't forget to keep all of your contracts in one place, preferably a binder or folder. Whether a coordinator or a family friend is running your wedding day, the info you provide will let them know exactly what is expected of each vendor. 

Download your free copy of our Vendor Contact List, covering everything from initial bookings through post-reception arrangements for you and your new husband, right here.

Happy Planning!

Download your copy of the Vendor Contact list

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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I Dos and Don'ts: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | The Booking Phase of Your Engagement

ANDI COMPTON

The booking phase is one of my favorite parts of wedding prep because after all your initial dreaming, you finally get to assemble a team to bring your vision and all your plans to life.

If you’re following the phase approach to wedding planning suggested in this series, you’ve already solidified many budget-related matters. As you move forward into booking, bear in mind that “affordable” is not a number. I see lots of requests online for brides seeking an “affordable” florist/coordinator/photographer, and frankly, affordable means something different to each couple.

Know how much you are willing to spend for each vendor, and be honest and up front when asking for recommendations. It’s much easier for a friend or coordinator to give you a recommendation when you ask “Do you of any local wedding photographers who cost less than $3,000?” than “Do you know of any affordable local photographers?”

Here are three tips to guide you as you research, interview, and hire vendors:

Order matters.

Certain categories of vendors tend to book a year or more in advance. This is generally limited to vendors who can only handle one event per day, or to those who are extremely popular in their area. Examples might include reception venues with only one event space or independent wedding photographers who are not part of a larger company. Prioritizing a particular order helps you focus, so you can assemble your dream team one vendor at a time.

First Priority:

Church

Reception Venue

Wedding Coordinator

Photographer

Caterer

Wedding Dress

Second Priority:

Videographer

Rentals (chairs, tables, linens, lounge furniture)

Florals

Ceremony and Reception Musicians

Bridesmaid Attire

Stationer

Cake/Dessert Baker

Hairstylist

Makeup Artist

Menswear

Third Priority:

Transportation

Seamstress for Alterations

Lighting Designer

Bartending Service

Rehearsal Dinner/Morning After Brunch Venue

Keep in mind an exception to this list: if there is a vendor in any category that you really want to work with, prioritize them in your budget and book them as early as possible.

Scroll down for download link. 

Limit interviews.

Limit yourself to interviewing 1-3 vendors per category. By all means, research as many individuals as you’d like, but only take the time to meet with those who are within your budget and whose product or service you truly like. It can quickly become overwhelming to interview 12 different photographers and try to remember each of them and the communication you’ve had. For some, the constant need to research and meet with vendors can become addicting, so strive to be aware of the possibility, know yourself, and slow down if you find yourself obsessing over anything. Click here for Elise's suggested interview questions for major vendors.

You aren’t booked until you sign a contract.

Even if a vendor has sent you a proposal, to which you’ve sent an enthusiastic response, you have not officially booked them until you’ve signed a contract and put down a deposit. Vendors often have many couples seeking their services for the same date. Depending on their policies, some might offer a few days to make your decision; others work with whatever couple submits their contract and deposit first. When in doubt, ask what a company’s booking policy is!

As our gift to you, we’ve created a free printable checklist for the booking phase to keep all your vendor details in one location. I highly suggest keeping a two inch binder with these sheets, along with a hard copy of each of your contracts.

Happy Planning!

Click here to download the Booking Checklist.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party, where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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I Dos and Dont's: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Stewardship and the Practicals of Working Out Your Budget

ANDI COMPTON

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

Today, Andi breaks down an essential part of early wedding planning--creating and allocating your budget--and has created two worksheets to share with your fiancé and your families to clarify what each party values most for your wedding and to identify each of your financial contributions. They're beautifully designed, comprehensive resources we're thrilled to offer you!

Meaghan Clare Photography

As a wedding coordinator, I take wedding budgets very seriously. They represent a huge commitment of time and money from the bride, groom, and often both of their families. Sometimes it’s the largest event any of them have hosted! 

It’s easy to overspend if you don’t take time at the very beginning of the planning process to set a reasonable budget everyone is comfortable with, and to constantly update it and make sure you're all on the same page.

As Christians, we are called to be good stewards of the gifts God has given us, including our finances. Luke's Gospel asks us, “Which of you wishing to construct a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if there is enough for its completion? Otherwise, after laying the foundation and finding himself unable to finish the work the onlookers should laugh at him and say, ‘This one began to build but did not have the resources to finish.'” (14:28-30)

The same principles apply to planning any kind of party. We start with our not-so-glamorous budget and offer it up to God. And from there, we can move on to making the fun decisions and indulging a little in the perks of being a bride.

I share the budgeting tips below with my clients and really, with anyone who wants to talk weddings with me:

Prioritize.

I’m going to say something I’ve never heard another wedding industry pro say: aside from your nuptial Mass and marriage license, everything else in this process is optional. Everything.

You don’t have to send out paper invitations, eat cake, wear a white dress, carry a bouquet, or even have a single photo taken to become man and wife. All those things are wonderful traditions that are fun to choose, but they are not what binds you to one another for life.

So here’s what you do: prioritize. Separately from each other, write down the top 3-5 wedding elements that are the most important to each of you, and the 3-5 that aren’t very important to you, i.e. categories in which you wouldn't mind spending less money or deferring to your beloved's choices.

Here’s a little sample:

Her High Priorities: Music for Mass, Wedding dress, color scheme for reception, Invitations, coordinator

His High Priorities: Readings for Mass, style of Tuxes for me and groomsmen,  good food at reception, photographer/videographer, good Cake

Her Low Priorities: Music for Reception, Reception Bar, Limos

His Low Priorities: Transportation, Flowers, Bridesmaid dresses, invitations

As you talk and discuss these together, come up with your own unified list of priorities to focus on. Categories with higher priorities get booked first and generally have a larger amount of money spent on them. Categories with lower priorities can be done by friends and family, delegated to parents or family to decide on, or omitted entirely.

Leave a little wiggle room.

When planning a big event with lots of moving parts to it, things happen. A pair of shoes gets forgotten 100 miles away and you dash to the mall for another pair. You’re suddenly starving and make a Jamba Juice run for the bridal party between the ceremony and reception. You decide to go overtime with your reception vendors and add an extra hour to the party because everyone is having so much fun. Additional, unexpected situations arise, and it’s best to leave at least 5-10% of your budget open for these possibilities.

Accept.

Another shocking fact: no one gets everything they want. Even couples with a $100,000 budget still have to pick and choose what matters and make compromises to stay on budget. Yes, that might look like skipping a 10-minute firework show and choosing to have your guests wave sparklers at the end of the night instead. But ultimately, no couple gets every single element they want unless they have unlimited money. Learning to accept that compromise is a part of life, and sticking to your budget is excellent practice for marriage!

Thank those who have contributed to your day in any way. 

Really take the time to thank your parents, grandparents, godparents, friends, and anyone who has contributed to your wedding financially or with the gift of their time. They are not obligated to give you your dream wedding, and chances are, they've made sacrifices to give you as much as possible. Sending a kind note, taking them out to dinner or on a fun day trip, or giving a gift at your rehearsal dinner are all beautiful ways of showing your appreciation.

Enjoy the fruits of your labor!

When the day you've been preparing for spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically finally comes, surrender it to God. Don't stress the details, and be intentional and present. Hire a day-of coordinator if you prefer, or designate a family member or friend be the point of contact for all your vendors so that you can just soak everything in. Your budget will still be there Monday morning after your wedding, and some expenses may not be finalized until then. If possible, it's nice to wait until after your honeymoon to wrap everything up.

My final piece of wedding budget is advice is to never, ever, ever, ever take out debt to throw a party. Do what you can with what you have--another great life lesson.

Now I want to hear from you! What have you and your groom prioritized as most important and least important for your wedding? 

Download the Budgeting resources below:

• Budget Priorities Sheet

• Budget Planning Sheet

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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I Dos and Dont's: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | The Planning Phase of Your Engagement + 2 Downloadable Workbooks

ANDI COMPTON

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

Last month, Andi introduced an alternative to a month-by-month wedding planning timeline: the Phase Approach. Here, she breaks down for you the first phase, Planning, and has created two sets of worksheets to help you envision exactly what you'd like for your Nuptial Mass and reception. They're beautifully designed, comprehensive resources we're thrilled to offer you!

Once the excitement of early engagement starts to wane, and more and more people begin asking, “When is the wedding?” it’s time to seriously begin praying and discerning what your wedding day will be like, and how it will give glory to God.

Every couple has different expectations about their wedding day. Some imagine an intimate gathering of their nearest and dearest at a swanky hotel or art gallery, dining on rich food and dancing until midnight. Others picture everyone they’ve ever known at a casual backyard reception in the afternoon, eating a simple buffet and delicious cake, with lawn games and minimal dancing while they sit and talk to guests.  

The Planning Phase is the time to sit and talk with all the parties who will be contributing to the wedding about their expectations. While, yes, the day is to celebrate the bride and groom, parents are often investing large sums of money into the day. Their opinions deserve to be respectfully heard.

You would be surprised at how many parents, dads included, have a vision for their child’s wedding. During my own planning, I was surprised to find my husband’s family has a completely different approach to weddings than what my family was accustomed to, and my future in-laws had never been to a wedding like the one we were planning. It was also crazy to find out my dad had always thought I’d wear a ball gown (he knows me!) and that my mom always dreamed of elaborate white flowers for me.

So before you meet with any vendors, and even before you start getting numbers together to set a budget, dream big! I’ve created a free downloadable workbook for you that’s full of questions and lots of space for you to write down answers, draw or paste pictures; whatever you need to really dig deep and get to the heart of wedding planning.

The workbook below is designed to guide conversations with your fiancé and families. It has plenty of room for notes and cutting and pasting images from magazines or the internet. So please, feel free to get messy with it and get all your thoughts on paper.

We’ve also created a checklist for this Planning Phase that begins upon engagement and generally ends about 6-9 months before the wedding, depending on your timeline. I've aimed to make it comprehensive, but feel free to cross off items that don't apply to you and to add your own to-dos to the list!

Download the Planning Phase resources below:

• PLAN Worksheet
• Planning Checklist

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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I Dos and Dont's: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | 3 First Steps After Getting Engaged

ANDI COMPTON

Andi Compton, our Public Relations + Vendor Outreach Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples. Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life.

So you've given your Yes, your fiat, to your beloved. You may have a million ideas going through your mind, you might have no idea what you're supposed to do to plan a wedding, or you might be somewhere in between. Here's a game plan to give you some direction during these first weeks and months as a bride-to-be.

Photography: Kirsten Ann Photography

Instead of creating a timeline based on a calendar, I like to divide wedding planning into phases: Engagement, Planning, Booking, Details, The Month Of, and After the Wedding. Today, I’ll start this series with first steps to take after getting engaged; simple but significant, practical ways to soak in this precious time and prepare for the months ahead.

Pray.

Stop and thank God for the incredible gift of your fiance and for your call to the vocation of marriage. A list of prayers and patrons for your engagement can be found here. Another way to bring Christ to the center of your engagement is to consider holding a formal betrothal ceremony at your Parish.

Tell the world!

First, immediate family and friends are sometimes right there during or right after your proposal, but if not, they’ll be delighted to hear the good news directly from you.

Second, snap a picture and share the news on social media! Tag us with #SBHowHeAsked and #SpokenBride so we can share in your joy!

Third, some families like to send formal announcements, often with a photo. If that’s your plan, either have a friend or your wedding photographer take engagement pictures and order your cards. Another tradition that makes for a special keepsake is a newspaper announcement. Traditionally, these are published in the bride’s hometown paper. Other options include making a print announcement via the groom's family or in publications from your current town or your alma mater.

Meet the Parents.

If your parents aren't already acquainted, this is the perfect time for them to meet--they could all end up grandparents to your children one day! A face-to-face meeting or family meal is ideal, but if that’s logistically impossible, ensure everyone has contact information (names, addresses, emails, phone numbers) and try to set up a video chat so they can get to know one another.

Some couples opt to celebrate their engagement with a quiet picnic or dinner, just the two of them, and some with opulent engagement parties. No matter how you choose to remember the start of this time in your life, know we’re overjoyed for you and hold you in prayer every day.

Even as you enter into these next months of intense planning and spiritual preparation, know that it’s perfectly alright--important even--to just stop and savor this short season of engagement with joyful anticipation before diving in. Even the shortest of engagements benefits from a few days of rest, peace, and celebration.

We love hearing your stories and praying for you by name! If you’re newly engaged, introduce yourself in the comments or on social media. And tell us, how did you celebrate your engagement?

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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How to Request an Official Papal Blessing for Your Marriage + Home

ANDI COMPTON

This article was featured on our podcast on 10/20/2020.

Have you ever admired the beautiful, hand-painted certificates at your parish or at a friend's home, commemorating an individual or couple's lifetime or sacramental milestone? This Apostolic blessing from the Pope, known also as a Benediction Papalis, is available to any baptized Catholic. Requesting a blessing from the Holy Father, along with a certificate that tangibly commemorates that blessing, is a surprisingly simple process that costs under $50 to cover the cost of the hand-drawn and lettered parchment and the shipping from Vatican City (wedding or Christmas gifts, anyone?).

The Apostolic Blessing is granted for Baptism, First Communion, Confirmation, Marriage, Priestly Ordination, Religious Profession, Secular Consecration, Ordinations of Permanent Deacons, marriage anniversaries (10, 25, 40, 50, 60 years), birthdays (18, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100), and upon Catholic individuals or families.

Requests for Papal Blessings on parchment are only available online as of March 10, 2019. There are several beautiful parchments available to choose from, ranging from €18-26. The time required for receiving the parchment is approximately 20 days from the date the request is received, but plan on one month just to be sure it arrives on time. Postage is €18 with DHL Worldwide.

A statement from your diocese or the recipient’s diocese to certify that they are in good standing with the church is no longer required, however you are responsible for declaring that the person(s) you are requesting the blessing for are baptized Catholics, living a Christian life, are not participating in any groups hostile to the faith, are married in the Church, are not under any canonical penalties, and do not hold public office or public roles.

https://www.elemosineria.va/parchments/

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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