How to Customize your Wedding Dress

CLARA DAVISON

When I got engaged, the first question following  the initial congratulations was always, “have you found your dress yet?” As one of seven sisters, I grew up watching Say Yes to the Dress and spent countless hours critiquing and comparing wedding dresses. However, when I started looking at wedding dresses for myself, I quickly became nervous. 

None of the dresses I saw online were what I hoped to wear on my wedding day. What if I couldn’t find a dress I liked in my budget (which, as a fulltime student, was very small)? What if I found two I liked and couldn’t decide? What if I liked the style of a dress, but it was the wrong fabric? 

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

I finally agreed to go with my mother to a bridal store and shop in-person. As I tried on dresses, I learned I really loved a satin, off-white dress with a dramatic train. I wanted lace sleeves, but I didn’t want too much lace on the dress. I also wanted pockets, which I learned is a very uncommon feature of wedding dresses. 

Now that I could finally imagine myself in a specific style and design, I could not find the right dress. One dress might have the train I wanted, but no straps. Another might have the sleeves I liked, but no pockets or train. I grew more and more discouraged as the process continued. 

My mother suggested we look for an inexpensive “base” for my dress and work with a seamstress to customize it. With this in mind, we found a simple, satin, off-white dress with the perfect train--and pockets. It was a perfect foundation; I spent the remainder of my time and budget customizing more details and features until it was the perfect dress--my perfect dress--for my wedding day.  As you imagine the wedding dress shopping experience, it may be helpful to know some options for customization which may bring your visions and dreams to life. 

Overlays or Underlays

I imagined long, lacey sleeves, and an overlay provided the perfect layer to create the look I was hoping for. There are a wide variety of overlay options, easily accessible from a seamstress or bridal shop. Other dresses may benefit from a sheer underlay to create an illusion neckline. While I chose to go with the overlay option, I have friends who have incorporated a custom underlay option with positive results. 

An important aspect of overlays and underlays involves the skill of your seamstress. When I found a lace overlay that I loved, the lace did not line up with the neckline of my original dress. Rather than hunting for another overlay, my seamstress was able to lift the lace off the sheer base and shift it down half-an-inch to make it a perfect match! 

Belts

When I purchased the very plain base dress, I turned to belts as a way to add some sparkle and texture. I found hundreds of options from David’s Bridal and local bridal salons. I chose my favorites and brought them along to my first meeting with my seamstress to give her an idea of what I was looking for. 

While I ultimately chose not to wear a belt on my dress, the options helped bring my final vision to life. The belts I kept have been shared among friends who also hoped to customize their dresses. 

Splashes of Color

My seamstress suggested  incorporating my wedding colors into my wedding dress. Whether with a belt, tinted underskirt (perfect for cute bridesmaid pictures), or trim, there are dozens of ways you can incorporate color into a wedding dress. You can even do something as small as purchasing a swatch of your dress fabric and dying it to match your wedding colors. then adding the swatch along your neckline. 

These are a few of the many ways to personalize the wedding dress of your dreams! Rather than settling for something I just liked, I was able to create a one-of-a-kind dress that I loved. Keep an open mind as you go wedding dress shopping; think about the possibilities each dress offers, rather than simply focusing on how it looks on that first day. If you are willing to veer from the traditional shopping experience, the options are endless. 

Did you customize your wedding dress? Share your experiences and ideas with the Spoken Bride community on Facebook and Instagram.

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About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in Brand Management and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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Editors Share | How I Chose My Wedding Gown + Theme

It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share ours with you, as well. Today, for any bride just beginning the wedding planning process, the team shares the stories of how they chose their wedding gowns and an overall theme for their big days.

Photography: Sarah Wirth Photography

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

Planning a winter wedding in Arizona is beautiful. When I woke up on my wedding day, the weather outside was sunny and in the 70s. But what I really loved about our date, December 30, (although I didn’t love the idea of a winter wedding at first), is that it was during the octave of Christmas! That meant the church would already be decorated with beautiful trees, greens, and florals. The Christmas “stress” would already be over for most of our guests, yet the joy of the liturgical season would still remain. And within the following couple days, we could celebrate our newlywed joy with the start of a new year.

Once I let go of the summer wedding I thought I wanted, I fully embraced the joy of the Christmas season. I chose colors for our theme that were more wintry than Christmas-y: navy blues, emerald greens, maroon, and gold as an accent. I incorporated beautiful wintergreens, berries, and gold stems into the bouquets for me and my bridesmaids. I realized that my favorite Christmas hymns could be incorporated into my nuptial Mass as well, if I wanted. 

Read Mariah’s planning tips for a Christmas Octave wedding.

For my wedding dress, I chose dainty cap sleeves and a very full A-line skirt that looked more like a ballgown, with a cathedral length veil that trailed far behind me in elegant lace. A sweetheart/illusion lace neckline lined with pearls completed the look. What other day of your life can you dress in princess attire? And I loved getting married during the mild coolness of an Arizona winter, instead of sweating it out in the 120 degree summer!

Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

We got married in August in Houston, so we definitely had to make choices that would be practical in the heat. I am Filipino on my mother’s side, so my husband opted for traditional barongs instead of suits. These shirts are formal in Filipino culture and way more breathable in hot, humid temperatures than suits or tuxes.

Our anniversary is also the day before my parents’, so that reflected a few decisions, as well. My bridesmaids wore pale yellow dresses, like my mom’s did, which I felt was fitting and fun for summer. I also always knew I wanted to wear my mother’s wedding dress, which was still in great shape. Surprisingly, it didn’t even need alterations, so I just had it cleaned by a local wonderful seamstress. 

I made the dress my own by choosing unique accessories. The dress is ivory and has spaghetti straps, so after quite a bit of hunting online with no luck, I finally found a perfect bolero at the local David’s Bridal. I definitely felt it completed my bridal look for Mass.

My favorite part of my wedding attire was my veil. I stumbled upon the perfect lace-edged veil at a bridal shop while on pilgrimage in Lisieux, France during my engagement. I have a strong devotion to Saint Thérese and also knew St. Zélie, her mother, was a lacemaker. My now-husband and I were long distance at the time while I finished grad school up in Europe, and for me, that felt like a special sign that the Lord was guiding us, along with some powerful intercessors, while we prepared for marriage. I also wore silver glittery heels (purchased on a layover in London at Heathrow airport—another fun story!), along with an ivory fascinator from BHLDN during our reception. 

Stephanie Calis, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

As a born-and-bred Marylander, I’ve always been drawn to classic, preppy styles and bright colors. For our July wedding, I hoped for a casual and summery vibe, choosing navy, pink, and green for décor, florals, stationery, and wedding party attire.

I wanted a gown that reflected the lightness of the season, as well; an unfussy style I’d look back on and think of as timeless. I loved ballgown-style dresses and didn’t want a train or beading, but struggled to find the clean, unembellished look I hoped for. Ultimately, I found a USA-made line of simple styles available in a variety of fabrics, and chose a strapless ballgown with a bow sash in textured slub silk.

Andi Compton, Business Director

By the time I was 15 I had planned several weddings (I even had a binder like Monica from Friends—she gets me!), so when I got to finally set things in motion for myself, I was thrilled! My family throws big, formal weddings and my favorite colors are black and white, so we went with those, with silver as an accent. As far as décor, I just wanted over the top white florals. All my husband Matt said was, “No pink, and I’m wearing my own dress shoes.”

We had already decided to get married several months before Matt proposed, so when I visited Houston with my parents we went to the Priscilla of Boston shop I had been dreaming of since I was a teen. I tried on a giant ball gown with tulle, silk, and tons of beadwork and both my parents said it was what they’d always pictured for me, but we didn’t buy it since we didn’t have a date yet.

Fast forward to when I began working at a bridal store with my friend, and the same dress was on display when we walked in for our first day. She told me it was my dress, but I wasn’t sold yet. After a few months of modeling wedding gowns at the store I had tried on over 50 dresses, so I knew what I wanted: my giant beaded ball gown. It just needed a tulle bolero to be ready for Mass, cathedral length veil, and a tiara. 

Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

I don’t think we really had a “theme” for our wedding. Getting married on Long Island, where my family is from, we couldn’t really have the simple wedding we wanted—Long Island weddings tend to be extravagant. So we made a lot of decisions about colors, flowers, stationery, and décor based on our desire to make sure our own personalities weren’t lost in the planning. For example, we chose sky blue and yellow as our colors because it was my favorite combination.

As for my dress, I wanted something timeless and elegant. My mom and I went looking at a small bridal boutique; the attendant there took my vision and immediately pulled the perfect dress off the rack. It was a cap-sleeved fit-and-flare dress, perfect for a May wedding. When I tried it on, I felt beautiful and so much like myself. 

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

In truth, I was not much of a wedding daydreamer at any point in my childhood or engagement! I was eager to be married, but empowered my sister, an experienced event planner, to make many of the wedding planning decisions.

Shopping for a wedding dress was a spontaneous activity one afternoon with a friend. I had set a budget, but had no idea what I wanted. I was intimidated by the process and grateful to follow my friend’s exuberant enthusiasm. The professionals at the dress boutique were amazing and kind; they quickly helped me build a vision for my wedding dress. 

After trying on a few dresses, I knew I wanted something feminine, simple, and modest. Most importantly, I wanted to feel confident and beautiful. With those qualities in mind, I went back to the third dress I’d tried on and called it mine! I FaceTimed my parents, sister, godmother, and future mother-in-law to include them in the final decision before I said yes. 

I walked out of the store that day with my dress, a lace-trimmed Cathedral veil, a simple bridal veil and a thin belt--all under budget. The ease of this process was absolutely an answered prayer.

Danielle Rother, Pinterest Manager

As a life-long Disney enthusiast, I always hoped my wedding dress would not only be the most beautiful dress I’d ever wear. I also dreamt this dress would make me feel like a princess. The dress I chose certainly did not let me down!

While we didn’t have a particular theme for our wedding, I was greatly inspired by the live-action Cinderella movie starring Lily James. Inspired by the film, I knew I wanted a ballgown-style wedding dress similar to the sparkly blue gown Cinderella wore in the movie. I wanted something elegant, timeless, romantic, and—of course—magical! 

After a long search, I finally found the perfect dress at Raffiné Bridal. It was a pure white ballgown with a multi-layered tulle skirt, designed by Stella York. It had a sweetheart neckline and was overlaid with lace at the top, which added the perfect modest touch for our Latin Mass wedding.

Planning a nuptial Mass in the Extraordinary Form? Looking for fairytale-style inspiration? See Danielle and her husband Jeff’s wedding feature here.

For a more traditional look, I chose a cathedral-length veil, made by my mother-in-law, and a crystal necklace, earrings, and a jeweled comb. I also had the seamstress (aka fairy-godmother!) replace the jeweled appliqué around the waist for a crystal belt. Just by altering that little part truly made it for the wedding dress of my dreams! For a day I literally felt like Cinderella. And though the magic has since worn away (not all the magic—I still have the shoes), I am more blessed because of that day and so thankful to Our Lady and Our Lord for making my dreams a reality.

What to Do With Your Dress After the Wedding

CARISSA PLUTA

Your wedding dress is arguably the most beautiful, meaningful, and often expensive piece of clothing you will ever wear.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KASSONDRA DESIGN

And now that your big day has passed, you may be wondering what you can do with that gorgeous gown hanging in your closet. 

Thankfully, there are so many options for your dress that guarantees that it will remain a special reminder of the occasion. 

Keep it

Many people choose to keep their wedding gown for posterity’s sake. 

Having your dress preserved is not as complicated as it sounds, and it makes it possible for you to pass it down to a sister, friend, daughter or even granddaughter. 

You can do it yourself, however, hiring a professional preservationist ensures that you get the most effective and safe cleaning procedure for your unique gown by surveying its unique material, embellishments, and even stains.

Sell or Donate it

There are many options for people looking to clear up closet space by selling their previously worn wedding dress. 

You can choose to sell your dress online to a soon-to-be bride or you can choose to donate it to a worthy cause. 

There are many nonprofit organizations that gift or repurpose used wedding dresses to support many different groups or individuals. 

Related: 6 Options for Selling or Donating Your Wedding Dress

Repurpose it

The material of your wedding gown can likely be repurposed into another item that can be used again and again. 

You could make it (or, for us less crafty ladies, have it made) into a Christmas tree skirt, pillow, or quilts which will serve as a regular reminder of your special day. 

Or you might consider having your dress made into a baptism gown or communion dress for your children, another option for a bride who wants to create a family heirloom to pass down.

Not only is this a meaningful gift for your children, but it also serves as a powerful visual reminder of the fruit (both physical and spiritual) borne through your vows. 

Wear it 

As I will always consider my wedding dress to be the most glamorous dress I’ve ever worn, it seems a shame to only be able to wear it once. And who says you have to?

Some brides make a new tradition by wearing their wedding dress to celebrate their anniversary. (You can even invite your friends to join you in celebrating by doing the same). 

If your dress still fits and you’d love to get back in it, consider making this part of your annual tradition.

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Insider Tips for your Dress Shopping Appointments

ANDI COMPTON

I spent six months working as a sales representative at Mon Amie Bridal, one of the largest bridal stores on the West Coast. It was my first experience in high-end retail; we sold dresses anywhere from under $1000 to $10k. During my time on staff, I had the opportunity to meet several designers visiting for trunk shows, and l also got thrown into modeling gowns at our fashion shows.

Here, from the fruits of my experience, my tips for planning and attending your dress shopping appointments.

Photography: Laurentina Photography, seen in Edith + Bomani | Kenyan Catholic Wedding

Before you go

How to stay on budget

I suggest starting your shopping with an overall Apparel budget,  meaning all the items you'll be wearing. For instance, an apparel budget of $1000 might look like:

• Dress (don’t forget sales tax!), $500

• Alterations, $150

• Undergarments, $50

• Veil, $100

• Shoes,$75

• Accessories (be specific), $125: necklace, bolero for Mass, tiara/headpiece, etc

Additionally, it’s wise to come up with a number value before going in and trying on gowns. It’s so easy to get attached to gowns you can’t afford. And know that “affordable” isn’t a number; it means something different to everyone. Be able to tell your consultant at the store, “I’m looking for a dress in the range of [number] to [number].”

Keep dress codes in mind.

Check with your church to see your shoulders must be covered, or if other guidelines are requested for for brides and bridesmaids. Because your wedding will be before the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ, present in the Blessed Sacrament--as well as in a house of worship--modest dress is appropriate. Many brides opt for shawls or small jackets to be removed after the ceremony. There are also so many beautiful, current gowns available with sleeves.

Pray.

Give everything to Jesus in prayer. For inspiration, begin with this beautiful prayer for brides as they prepare to dress shop. Each time we bring the Lord into the center of our decisions, we can trust that he will provide and can practice keeping him at the center of our lives.

Consider timing. Shop earlier, rather than later.

Even if you have a long engagement, plan to purchase your dress 6-8 months before your wedding. If your dress has to be custom-made--through Etsy, for instance--or ordered from overseas, you’ll have plenty of time for its creation and journey through customs.

Short engagement? Pick out a dress as soon as you’re able. The bride’s gown often sets the tone for the formality and style of the wedding, and it will help you make other aesthetic decisions down the road.

If you can swing a weekday appointment, the salon will be much calmer. Saturdays and Sundays are the busiest times, as is typical with retail. The same applies right after the New Year, when many holiday proposals have taken place.

At Your Appointment

Two’s company, three’s a crowd.

Take a small number of trusted individuals with you when you shop; women you can trust to give you an honest opinion on fit and style. The first time I went dress shopping, I actually took my mom and dad, and tried on the gown I would end up buying five months later. It was simply the right one for me.

Get a sense of what you like.

Bring a few photos with you, or whip out your Pinterest board. If your consultant has a keen eye, he or she will be able to notice patterns in your selections and offer some great suggestions. With that in mind…

...Let your consultant make a few recommendations.

Even if you are dead set on a sparkly ballgown, it’s okay to try on a lace sheath with sleeves, just to rule it out. You may end up realizing certain details or silhouettes you hadn’t considered are flattering and beautiful.

Additionally, don’t be afraid of sample dresses or those off the rack--these items can be a great fit and perfect deal. Many stores like ModCloth, Nordstrom (be sure to check out the white bridesmaid section for beautiful, more affordable options), and BHLDN have dresses you can purchase online and try on at home. Rent the Runway also offers fun dresses and accessories worth peeking at.

It’s okay to say “no thank you.”

If for any reason your consultant is being pushy or pressuring you to buy, it’s alright to politely say, “no thank you.” It’s also okay to speak to a manager and ask for a new consultant if the one assigned you is not treating you well in any way. Be an advocate for yourself.

Consider accessories.

This definitely applies if you find your gown at your appointment. Try on different lengths of veils, ones with lace or edging, and different headpieces while you’ve got the gown on. Feel free to ask the consultant for bustle recommendations if your dress has a train. Your gown will be bustled either during photos or at your reception, which means it will appear this way in a large portion of your wedding images.

Buy for the size you are now.

You are beautiful, just the way you are. Don’t purchase your dress in a smaller size than you need. It can always be altered down, but it can be next to impossible to size up with certain styles.

Speaking of sizing, bear in mind most designers do not use “street sizing,” so if you’re normally a size 8, you could end up ordering a 10 or 12 according to their size chart. Bridal stores generally go by your largest measurement, but you ultimately have the final say--it’s your money and you are the person signing the contract. Just remember, it’s only a number. If size bothers you, you can always cut the tag out. No one will know the size anyway, and the right dress will make you look and feel amazing!

The Final Purchase

Read and understand every detail of your contract. Ask questions if you need clarification. This applies to every single contract you sign for your wedding--no exceptions!

Photography

When you arrive, check with your salon about their photography policy. Some permit you to photograph anything, while others only allow picture-taking once you’ve purchased a gown. Be respectful of their policy.

I hope this guide helps you feel more confident as you prepare to shop for your wedding gown. It’s not often we get to shop for sacraments!

Share with our community; what was your wedding dress shopping experience like?

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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6 Options for Selling or Donating Your Wedding Gown

Do you have plans for your wedding gown after your walk down the aisle? The choice is a personal one that might include preserving it for a relative, friend, or future daughter, repurposing it into baptism or First Communion pieces for your children--truly a visual representation that the bond established on your wedding day bears spiritual fruit through the years--or giving your dress to other brides, which fosters both sisterhood and a green sensibility.

If you’ve chosen to sell or donate your gown, the options can be overwhelming. Here, our curation of the best organizations the dress donation world has to offer, including some distinctively Catholic resources.

Photography: Juliana Tomlinson Photography

For the ease of online transactions

Preowned Wedding Dresses: This online marketplace, the largest out there for bridal items, boasts 14 years of credibility and facilitates gown and accessory re-sales directly between buyers and sellers. It’s designed to minimize hassle and maximize profit, offering a one-time listing fee with no commission for the site, a dress value calculator, and a conveniently specific search function that makes it easy for your gown to appear in listings.

To give to military couples

Brides Across America: A nonprofit dedicated to military and first responder brides, this organization supports the men and women whose life’s work is our freedom, providing free wedding gowns at their events nationwide. Gowns less than five years old are accepted for consideration.

To support humanitarian causes

Adorned in Grace: This bridal shop and design studio in the Portland, Oregon area accepts wedding dresses five years old and newer, in-store or by mail, to be repurposed or redesigned by at-risk girls in the area, including those who’ve been in the foster care system or have been traficking victims. Rooted in a mission to convey to these young women their dignity, worth, and identity in Christ and to model the love and hope of faith-centered weddings, proceeds from the nonprofit go to design workshops, education, and/or counseling from human traficking survivors.

Brides for Haiti: A project of St. Mary’s parish in the Archdiocese of Washington, the Brides for Haiti program sells secondhand wedding and formal attire. Profits benefit St. Mary’s sister parish, St. Joseph’s, in Carcasse, Haiti, including health, education, and infrastructure initiatives. Volunteers and seamstresses are on-site at events to answer questions and provide information about the cause. Stay informed about calls for donations--in person or by mail--and upcoming sale events via the project’s Facebook page.

The Bridal Garden: Located in the heart of Manhattan, this not-for-profit shop dedicated to education specializes in discounted designer gowns from boutiques and donations. Earnings benefit disadvantaged schools and children in New York City.

To support the Church

Religious life: Our sisters in religious life are every bit the bride, espoused to Christ through their vows. In several orders, including the Colettine Poor Clares, Schoenstatt Sisters of Mary, Franciscan Sisters of the Immaculate, and some Carmelite orders, it’s customary for women to profess their solemn vows in wedding attire. Contact communities in your area directly to discuss the possibility of donating your gown.

Parish resales: Parishes nationwide hold periodic sales of secondhand gowns, with proceeds benefiting the church or diocese. This donation option not only supports the parish community in your area, but encourages shopping locally. To keep up with forthcoming sale events and inquire about making a donation, try subscribing to your diocese’s newspaper, emails, or social media platforms and keeping an eye out in weekly bulletins.

Have you or are you planning to donate your dress? We love hearing about the local and national programs that support other women in their call to marriage, so be sure to share what additional means of donating you’ve employed in the comments and on our social media.

How I Chose My Wedding Gown + A Prayer for Dress Shopping

EMILY RICCI

A few months after my husband and I started dating, I asked him what had made him fall in love with me. After all, we’d been friends for over a year beforehand. His response shocked me.

“Your modesty,” he replied almost instantly. “While every other girl at our school is trying to show everything off, you are always modest, and that’s what made me first look at you.”

When I use the term modesty, I mean it as extending chastity--sexual integration for the sake of freedom--to love of neighbor: guarding others from lust while communicating self-respect. This doesn’t mean I can stop others from having impure thoughts or that it is my fault if they still do, but simply that I want to do my best in assisting others with that struggle. Modesty, for me, means evaluating the motives behind my outfits, examining whether I am wearing something to draw notice or attention to just my body, rather than to the fullness of who I am.

I knew I wanted to find a wedding dress that reflected these values. I wanted my dress to show off not my skin, but my love for my husband. A love that had caused me to leave some parts of myself covered prior to marriage. I didn’t view modesty as a milestone that I had reached and could now discard as I walked down the aisle, but as a lifestyle I wanted to continue embracing even after marriage.

Yet wedding dress shopping can be disheartening for brides who desire to convey their femininity in a non-revealing way. Add to that the fact that I wanted to completely cover my shoulders and shoulder blades due to significant scarring from teenage acne, and I knew shopping would be a challenge.

Despite this foreknowledge, I found the only time I got giddy was whenever I would step into David’s Bridal, my store of choice due to proximity and price range. I’m not sure why, but the bright atmosphere, cheery attendants, and racks of sparkling gowns would make me feel, for a few moments, the true excitement for my wedding day that I often buried under layers of anxiety. Even the fresh, flowery smell of the store would make my heart race in fairy-tale glee.

The day of my first dress appointment brought a healthy dose of concern. I had, of course, spent hours on the internet putting together images of ideal dresses before ever entering the store, but they were all iterations of the same dress I’d had in my mind since I was young: a pure white, A-line gown with lace cap sleeves. The one website lacking a dress like that was that for David’s. However, I assumed they’d have others in the shop.

They didn’t.

The bubbly attendant assigned to me greeted us at the door and asked to see some pictures for inspiration. As I showed her each one, her face fell. “I don’t think we really have anything like that,” she admitted. Still, she told me she would see what she had. I fought back tears of frustration.

“Just try on this strapless dress,” my attendant insisted, but I refused. What had she not understood about my needs? “What if we added sleeves?” she asked, probably desperate to get me into any dress at that point.

My heart beat a little faster. I’d never even considered alterations like sleeves, panels, or layers. “I…didn’t know that was an option,” I replied. In response, she opened a tissue-papered package with a pair of lace cap sleeves, just like I’d originally envisioned.

As I stepped out into the wall of mirrors wearing that first dress, the lace sleeves balancing precariously on my shoulders, I blinked in surprise. I realized I was standing in the very dress I’d always pictured. This was it. This was the dress, except instead of a model, it was me in the dress, and it looked even better than I’d imagined.

At that point, there was no need for me to keep trying on dresses, but I slipped on two more anyway. As my mom stepped away to look at jewelry, I stood alone before the mirror, fighting back tears. Like so many other things that I knew God had brought to me in the past (including my groom-to-be), this dress just felt inexplicably right. Like they say, when you know, you know.

As someone who has always had poor body image, I was shocked to feel so radiant.

By the world’s standards, my dress may have been boring or plain. But for me, it allowed me to exemplify who I am as a woman, and who I want to be as a wife.

My “simple” gown, like any modest, feminine choice would,  invited our guests to focus not on my body, but on the love in my eyes and the joy in my heart.

In a small way, it allowed me to witness to Christ, and make him--not me--the center of our celebration.

As someone who’s been there, I’d advise brides feeling anxious about dress choices to remember Romans 12:2: “Do not allow this world to mold you into its own image.” Reality shows  and bridal magazines do not define what a beautiful bride looks like.

Whether you’re worried about size, modesty, cost, or something else, don’t feel you have to settle for the world’s standards. Instead, let the joy of your love for your spouse, and for Christ, be your choice garment on your wedding day.

I wish I’d said a prayer that day before going shopping, because I bet the experience would have been far less stressful. Looking back, this is what I would have prayed:

Prayer before wedding dress shopping

Lord, as I go to try on wedding dresses today, I pray this is a joyful time, and I offer you the anxiety I may feel.

Help me to experience joy in this process, and find a dress that will make me feel beautiful inside and out.

Thank you for my groom, who values my heart over my body. Help me to remember he will find me radiant no matter what I wear and that my smile is all he needs to be happy.

Guide me to the dress that will mark our new beginning, that will exhibit my love and joy in this vocation and make me feel like Your beautiful, beloved daughter. Allow my dress to glorify You, oh Lord, and praise you for the gifts you’ve given me.

If I am worried about my looks, help me see past my self-perceived flaws, to see me as you see me, and remind me that my true beauty lies not in the standards of this world, not in the clothes I wear on the outside, but in the way I live my life, and in the joy I exhibit in your Presence and in the presence of my beloved.

Amen.

Images by Newman Photos, from the author's wedding.

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About the Author: Emily Ricci is a Spoken Bride vendor and the owner of Gloriam Marketing, a Catholic marketing, consulting, and event planning firm that designs programs and custom inserts for Catholic weddings. She married her college sweetheart and best friend on June 16, 2017 and has a passion for Christ, marketing, and the Oxford comma (in that order).

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5 Ways to Incorporate Ethically Made + Eco-Friendly Products into Your Wedding

ERIN MACKEY

Pope Benedict XVI said, “Purchasing is always a moral—and not simply economic—act.” As an newly engaged couple, you and your fiancé have a unique opportunity to many options for including service to others in the material preparations for your wedding and marriage.

Monica Jazmine Photography, from our 1940s-inspired vintage styled shoot

The purchases you make for your wedding and reception reflect your values. From your dress to the flowers, there is a person behind each product. And just like you, they have a story to share. These creators' stories become part of yours. So, consider choosing ethically made, fair trade, vintage and local sources to carry out your commitment to service in your celebration.

Here, five ways to incorporate ethically made and eco-friendly products into your wedding and reception:

Jewelry: vintage, fair trade and conflict free

Vintage rings are great for those who love stories from the past. When you buy a vintage ring—or, if you’re lucky—have one handed down to you, you preserve past memories and prevent the ring from being tossed out or forgotten. If you prefer a new engagement ring or wedding bands, consider purchasing rings that are certified fair trade and conflict free. Either way, you’ll have peace of mind knowing you’re not unintentionally funding child labor or violent conflict—and you’ll be helping to protect the environment from pollution caused by conventional mining practices.

Wedding gowns: vintage, fair trade, and repurposing 

Like vintage rings, vintage gowns are a great eco-friendly option. You can have fun searching for just the right gown that reflects your style or pays homage to a particular era. I personally love the style of Grace Kelly’s iconic gown and was thrilled to see that Kate Middleton, now the duchess of Cambridge, chose a similar style when she got married.

Fair trade wedding dresses are growing in popularity. Handmade by artisans in developing countries who are paid fair wages, these dresses are crafted in safe conditions that also respect the environment.

After the wedding, it might be hard to imagine parting ways with your beloved gown, so consider these ethical alternatives to preserve it: upcycle your dress into christening gowns, or donate it  to an organization that provides for brides who might not be able to afford a new (or even a used) gown. Which brings me to my last idea: you can sell your dress to a consignment shop to be loved by another bride.  

Bridesmaid dresses: fair trade

We all want our closest friends—our sisters—to feel confident, comfortable and beautiful in their bridesmaid dresses. My friends have always been so thoughtful when choosing dresses, and I’m grateful for the time and energy they put in to choosing a dress that would flatter me and work for my budget. Fair trade bridesmaid dresses are becoming easier to find and, just like fair trade wedding gowns, are handmade by artisans in developing countries who earn fair wages. And their prices are very comparable—and sometimes less—than similar bridesmaid dresses.

Flowers: local, seasonal and fair trade

I’ve always enjoyed seeing seasonal flowers at weddings: sunflowers in late summer, daffodils in early spring, or flowers not native to my Maryland home when I’m attending a wedding out of state. Local farms and florists will let you know which blooms are native to your region and will be available during your wedding month. By choosing native flowers that are in season, you support your local economy.  

Fair trade flowers are another option worth considering. Although they may be shipped from overseas, fair trade flowers can set your arrangements apart. They are produced by workers who earn fair wages, and come from farms that use sustainable practices.

Gifts: fair trade registries and donations

You can include fair trade options on your gift registry, too. From kitchenware to other home essentials, fair trade products add special meaning to gift giving. And if there’s nothing you really need or want, consider giving guests the option of donating to you and your future spouse’s favorite charity, instead. As someone who never knows what to get as a gift, the option for a donation is always welcome, and it gives me a glimpse into my family and friends’ particular hearts for service.

I hope you find these tips helpful as you prepare for your wedding. You truly have an opportunity to be a witness to your guests on your wedding day, and the products you choose to use can be a powerful way of showing your commitment to service and responsibility.

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About the Author: Erin Mackey is a young professional who strives to live out her faith by seeking a simple, sustainable and conscious lifestyle. She loves discovering new ethical companies that are changing the world and believes business can be a force for good. She currently serves on the Ethical Trade team at Catholic Relief Services and in her free time enjoys tea dates, exercise and listening to podcasts. Erin has contributed to The Catholic Woman and appeared on The Catholic Feminist and Leah Darrow's Do Something Beautiful podcasts.

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Finding a Beautiful Wedding Gown on a Budget

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Like many women, I imagined my wedding day as a little girl: the church, the flowers, the handsome groom, and the dress. I remember being fascinated by my aunts’ and cousins’ dresses when I went to their weddings as a girl. They looked so beautiful and princess-like, even in the 80s and early 90s when the bridal gown trends toward puffed sleeves and hats with veils attached left something to be desired.

As I grew older, my taste changed, but my desire to look and feel beautiful on my wedding day did not. Even if you’re not a “girly girl” or particularly into fashion, you probably want the same thing. Your wedding dress is something you'll wear while you and your husband-to-be confer the sacrament of marriage on one another, so it makes sense to put some time and thought into it, even if you’re not sartorially inclined. (Note: There is nothing in Catholic tradition or teaching that stipulates that brides must wear a fancy dress, a white dress, or any particular garment on their wedding day.)

But what about the cost? As Catholics, we are called to be good stewards of our money, and anyone who has ever gone to a bridal salon knows that even the lower-end wedding dresses can be priced in the thousands of dollars. If you’re concerned about sticker shock, are on a tight budget, or just can’t stomach the idea of paying more than X amount of money for a dress you’ll only wear for one day, I have good news for you: you can still find a beautiful wedding dress that you love without breaking the bank. You just have to get creative! Below are a few tips and tricks I learned while shopping for my dress, which was a sample dress that I got at a consignment bridal salon, and from friends and family who found their dresses in unconventional places.

Go to a Fancy Salon First to Get a Feel for What You Like

A nice bridal salon is a good place to get a feel for different wedding dress styles, what’s flattering (and not) on you, what materials and fabrics you like, etc. There is no law that says you can’t go to a nice bridal salon, try on a few dresses, and then leave empty-handed. Plus, it’s just fun to go to a nice salon with your girlfriends/sisters/mom and try on pretty dresses.

Know Your Budget, And Stick To It

This is a tough one, but it really makes a difference in the shopping process. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the sheer number of options, but if you have a clear idea not only of what styles you like, but what price points you can afford, everything will go more smoothly.  

Visit Consignment/Sample Dress Shops in Your Area

I found my dress at Second Summer Bride, a consignment bridal salon where most of the dresses are marked down at least 50% from the original price. I went expecting all of the dresses to be pre-owned, but was pleasantly surprised that many of them were sample dresses that were past-season and hadn’t been worn before. Since I wasn’t looking for anything trendy, I didn’t mind that the dresses were from previous seasons, and I ended up finding my dress (which I loved) in less than an hour. The best part (aside from the price): I was able to take the dress out of the store that day, instead of going back to the salon multiple times for fittings, which you typically have to do if you go the fancy bridal salon route.

Detail of my wedding dress from Second Summer Bride. Photo by Leah Muse Photography.

Purchase a Pre-owned Dress Online

After going to several bridal salons, including a couple of consignment stores, my sister found her dress at PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com. The bride who originally wore it had it designed to look like one of Kate Middleton’s dresses, and although it needed alterations to fit my sister, the beauty and price point of the dress was too good to pass up. Other sites, like eBay and Craigslist, also have pre-owned and sample dresses available, but be sure to double-check the return policy before purchasing anything.

Look into the Possibility of a Custom Dress

Believe it or not, a custom made dress can be less expensive than a store-bought dress. If you find a good seamstress in your area (or even online), you can save money and get exactly what you want. Win, win.

Consider Borrowing a Dress from a Family Member or Friend

I know more than one bride who borrowed a friend/family member’s dress for her big day. Obviously, this is a big money-saver, but it can also be a beautiful way to honor your mother, grandmother, or sister at your wedding. If the thought of wearing the exact same dress as someone else is unpalatable to you, remember that your choice of accessories and some minor alterations can make a dress feel brand new.

My sister in the dress she got from Pre-owned Wedding Dresses. Photo by Leah Muse Photography.

Regardless of where you decide to purchase your dress, I hope these tips encourage you to think outside the bridal salon box. And if you purchased a dress from an unconventional source, please share with us in the comments!

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Uncommonly Classic Wedding Ideas for the Rebellious Bride

ANGELA VAZZANA

Okay, so maybe not rebellious, really. You love the Church and the liturgy and orthodoxy, because traditions are wonderful and tie us to the Body of Christ; past, present, and future. But you’re frustrated with all the wedding customs you’re expected to follow that, while lovely in their own way, aren’t actually necessary for a Catholic wedding or relevant to the essence of the sacrament. If that sounds like you, consider mixing it up a little! Below are some ideas to change up those details in meaningful ways that stay true to--and even showcase--the beauty of Catholic matrimony.

And if that doesn’t sound like you, that’s totally fine too! I’ll be the first to say my wedding was pretty conventional; I didn’t incorporate any of the ideas here. Your wedding will be no less special, beautiful, or appreciated by your friends and family regardless of where you fall on the mainstream-alternative spectrum. Also, of course, anything you choose for your wedding shouldn’t be a source of conflict or scandal, and if you’re concerned or undecided about anything, ask your priest or trusted friends and family for guidance.

Jeremy Wong

The Dress: Did you know the white wedding dress is really a relatively new trend that started in the Western world with Queen Victoria’s wedding in 1840? Prior to that, women would simply wear their nicest dress of any hue, or a different culturally significant color. I’ve heard that in Ireland, the longtime most popular wedding dress color was blue as a way of honoring the Blessed Mother!

A lot of people might assume white dresses are mandatory to symbolize a bride’s purity, but that’s not the case--there aren’t really universal expectations about attire aside from modesty and due reverence for the occasion, though it's prudent check with your parish for local or diocesan guidelines. Maybe you feel most confident and beautiful in jewel tones, or you want to honor your cultural heritage with clothing from that tradition--I once attended a Catholic wedding where the bride, who was from Vietnam, wore a beautiful traditional red garment--whatever your reason, your options aren’t necessarily limited to ivory, white, or cream!

The Wedding Processional: It’s pretty much taken for granted now that the “grand finale” of the wedding processional is the bride walking down the aisle with her father (or, more recently, with both parents). Some might daydream about that moment, anticipating the drama of seeing their groom waiting at the end of the aisle, which is definitely a special moment that makes for some breathtaking photos. Yet it certainly doesn’t speak to everyone the same way--and if you count yourself among that mindset, the Catholic Rite of Marriage actually recommends a different option.

It’s really a cultural convention that most weddings follow the “Here Comes the Bride” procession model, but the Roman Rite actually prescribes that the bride and groom process last, down the aisle together, with their parents and/or witnesses. I think this is an awesome way to symbolize the couple’s mutual consent to enter into the marriage, as well as emphasize one of the most amazing things about the nuptial Mass--that the bride and groom themselves are the actual ministers of the sacrament.

The Witnesses: The official witnesses to your marriage are there to verify that you and your spouse have entered into a valid marriage, so of course you’ll want to choose someone close to your heart for this. Usually, the witnesses are the bride’s Maid or Matron of Honor and the groom’s Best Man. However, if you or your fiancé happen to be closest with a sibling or friend of the opposite sex, there’s no reason why they can’t participate in this special role. Of course, this isn’t really something chosen for aesthetic reasons or to make a statement, but don’t feel pressured to miss out on asking your brother or best friend if that’s who you feel knows you best. 

Above all, the decisions you make about your wedding should reflect what we as Catholics proclaim about marriage. In the words of Pope Francis, "It is good that your wedding be simple and make what is truly important stand out. Some are more concerned with the exterior details, with the banquet, the photographs, the clothes, the flowers…These are important for a celebration, but only if they point to the real reason for your joy: the Lord's blessing on your love."

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Angela Vazzana married her husband on a hot July day in 2013 at her alma mater, Mount St. Mary's University, where she studied philosophy and communications. She is a security analyst for NASA by day and nourishes her creative side by night by playing the piano and guitar, planning themed parties, or feeding her mild Instagram addiction. While she and her husband can usually be found any given fall day cheering for the Redskins or Wizards, they are most excited this fall for the arrival of their first child.