Expanding Your Vision of a Bridal Party

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DENAE PELLERIN

 

Choosing your bridal party can be one of the most stressful parts of wedding planning. Balancing other’s expectations and feelings while also considering friendship dynamics and your budget can cause uncertainty and fear. It may even feel like “ranking” deeply personal relationships. God has chosen people to come and go throughout our lives, and what makes one person “feel” closer than another does not necessarily measure the significance of their impact on your journey. 

Growing up, I was part of many unique communities and intentionally pursued those relationships for years. The newest friend at my wedding was someone I lived with! My husband and I chose our first and longest friends as our best man and matron of honor. These were people who had been with us “through it all,” and no matter what life would bring in the future, their presence up until the day we were married was unquestionably special. 

Despite this, we still wanted to honor and include everyone we loved on our special day. In Romans 12, Paul outlines that each one of Christ’s followers is given unique gifts that serve the Body of Christ. Drawing on this Scripture, we included many other friends and family in our wedding day, depending on their gifts and roles they played in our lives. 

When we began “breaking the news” about our wedding party to those who were not chosen, we shared with each person their importance to us, what gifts we saw in them, how they impacted us, and invited them to be part of our day in another significant way. In this way, we crafted an “expanded vision” for our bridal party.

And so, reflective of their unique roles in our faith journey, our loved ones took part in our Mass or helped us design the wedding program. This included our godparents, family who introduced us to the faith, and friends who were accountability partners or prayer warriors at crucial times in our life. We also invited priests to co-celebrate the liturgy who were important to the discernment of our vocations and careers. 

Having these intentional people pray over us the day of our wedding reminded us of the life of faith we had lived thus far. It reminded us that we had a strong community to support us as we became a new family through marriage. 

Romans 12 also challenged me to look within our community when I was hiring vendors. Rather than employing a stranger, I first considered family and friends who had experience with hair and makeup styling, photography, videography, calligraphy, graphic design and musical talents. Many of them were excited to practice their art and spend time with me in preparation for the wedding. In fact, getting ready the morning of my wedding felt like friends were coming over on any usual day, and their presence provided me a great sense of calm.

Many of my girlfriends were relieved they didn’t have to buy a one-time-wear dress and be “on display” all day. Instead, they used their gifts of creativity and organization to help me with the little details of the wedding reception. The time we spent together allowed us to share in the joy and excitement of my approaching wedding day with their assistance. It communicated to them that I cherished their presence in the intimate moments of my life. It also relieved a lot of anxiety in the days leading up to the event, because I knew my trusted friends were taking care of things! 

Since our actual bridal party was so small, and we had crafted an “expanded vision” of it, we made sure to schedule time during our wedding day to get photos with other guests. My husband and I chose to do a “first look,” and so, before our nuptial Mass, we invited some of our closest friends to come and take pictures with us. This gave us a special and exclusive moment with people who would have been part of a more traditional “bridal party.” 

In addition, rather than having a receiving line after Mass, we invited guests to join us in the outdoor space near our reception hall during the cocktail hour. This was a great time to laugh and talk with them before the reception. We also took more photos with our cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends. 

At the end of your wedding day, I pray that you cherish how special it was to have everyone you love in one room to celebrate you and your beloved. 

Choosing to include them and honor them in special ways was one of the best decisions we made. When people asked me if I was worried something would go wrong, my response was always “no, because I am in a room full of people who love me and will help me.” It was a blessing to be celebrated by and celebrate the people who have and always will love my husband and I, for better or for worse.

About the Author: Denae Pellerin discovered the truth of Christ at an evangelical summer camp as a youth and later made her way to the Catholic Church because of her public Catholic education. Denae loves Catholic Social Teaching, Marian Devotions, and Women-Centered Pro-Life Actions.

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It's Wedding Season! Distinctively Catholic Tips for Guests and Bridesmaids

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Will you be attending one or more weddings this summer and fall?

Beyond basic etiquette and perception, attending or participating in a wedding—Catholic or otherwise—offers a unique opportunity to live out principles of our faith. Here, inspired by the saints’ famous encouragement to “preach the Gospel at all times; if necessary, use words,” our tips for incorporating the Catholic faith into your actions as a wedding guest or bridesmaid.

For Wedding Guests:

Pray for the bride and groom.

The gift of your intercession can only bear fruit in couples’ new lives together, even non-religious couples. Take time to contemplate a particular saint or prayer whose life or spirituality seems well-suited to the bride and groom, and consider beginning a novena in the nine days preceding the wedding. For the weddings of Catholic couples, you might share the prayer with them, invite friends to join you, or note in your card that you have invoked the prayers of our brothers and sisters in heaven.

Find suggested prayers and patrons for Catholic couples here.

Consider giving a religious gift.

The Church is alive and rich with craftsmen, artists, and distinctively Catholic items. Consider giving an off-registry wedding gift as a surprise for the couple, such as religious art, statues, or a family Bible in which they can inscribe their wedding date and--God willing--their future children’s sacramental milestones like Baptism, First Communion, and Confirmation.

Looking for gift ideas? More here: How to Request a Papal Marriage Blessing | Gifts and Décor by Spoken Bride Vendors | Our team’s favorite Catholic gifts for the home | 5 Gift Ideas for Catholic Newlyweds

Find time for a meaningful moment with the couple.

The gift of encounter involves sincere face-to-face time with another, however brief. Reception table visits or receiving lines are a whirlwind for the bride and groom. Though it’s impossible for them to spend extended time with any one guest, strive to make your time with them meaningful: be genuine and honest in the conversation you share; ask them questions; be mindful of their need to make the rounds to as many guests as possible.

It’s also a considerate gesture to thank the parents of the couple at some point during the day, recognizing their financial, spiritual, and emotional contributions to the celebration.

Exemplify reverent dress and prayer.

Without speaking a word, appropriate dress and reverent participation in the Mass can be a powerful witness to non-Catholic or non-practicing guests.

Embody charity.

Much as we might prefer to avoid them, thorny political or religious issues might come up in conversation at your reception table or during the cocktail hour. If you find yourself engaged in a debate, strive for respect and empathy above all. Someone who feels heard and understood is far less defensive than someone who feels attacked by argument: “[conversations like these are] rich with potential opportunities: occasions to truly listen to and see another and to defy stereotypes of what evangelization is all about.”

For Bridesmaids:

Cultivate a heart of service.

Standing by a bride at the altar involves so many tasks, major and minor, that lead to the moment of witnessing her say her vows. As you help her prepare for the big day, pray for a spirit of humility and service: anticipate her needs; willingly take on less fun and glamorous tasks like cleaning up after her bridal shower; pick up last-minute items and run errands for her.  

Will you be the Maid of Honor? More on serving the bride with love.

Give a spiritual bouquet.

With the rest of the wedding party--and, if you like, any other friends and family you’d like to involve (perhaps by asking at her shower)--assemble a spiritual bouquet to present to the bride at the wedding rehearsal. A spiritual bouquet is a collection of prayers and intentions promised by cherished friends, and can be figurative or literal. Read more here about how to plan one.

Consider bringing a spiritual element to pre-wedding events.

If the bridal party is comprised of several Catholic women, consider incorporating elements of prayer, reflection, or worship into the bride’s bachelorette party, bridal shower, and rehearsal. If some bridesmaids are non-Catholic, be sure to extend the invitation to them, as well, and to identify ways they can still feel their presence is valued in these events if they choose to attend.

More here:  Classy and Unconventional Bridal Shower Themes | A Catholic Perspective on Giving Lingerie | Tips for a Spiritually Rich Wedding Rehearsal

We love the uniqueness of every wedding, which reflects the personality and reality of every couple, and love hearing your stories. What are your own tips for Catholic wedding guests and wedding party members? Share in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

Developing Relationships with Your In-Laws

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What’s your relationship like with your spouse-to-be’s family?

Depending on the factors of distance and personal dynamics, how close you feel to your in-laws-to-be might range from remote to already feeling like family. If the merging of your parents and siblings is on your mind as you and your beloved prepare to become your own distinct family, consider ways to cultivate closeness and peace within your circumstances. Here, suggestions for developing relationships with your in-laws.

Introduce (or re-introduce) everyone.

Even if your parents have met in the past, inviting them to celebrate your engagement and discuss wedding plans with you and your fiancé is both practically and relationally fruitful. Treat them to a dinner out, where they can chat and--if you’re newly engaged--speak about each other’s expectations and financial contributions for your wedding.

For siblings, a meetup before the big day can forge friendships and, if any are members of your wedding party, facilitate plans. Inviting them to a more active or project-centered activity like a hike, painting class, tasting, or sports event can help conversation flow more easily.

If distance makes face-to-face time unfeasible, a gesture as simple as a group text can keep everyone in communication. Planning a pre-wedding event like a happy hour, bonfire, or hour of Adoration for out of town guests also conveys good will and a spirit of hospitality during your wedding week.

Delegate.

Family and friends are so often eager to help with your preparations. Specific projects that acknowledge their strengths are great for minimizing your personal to-do list and, more importantly, honoring your future in-laws with the gift of inclusion and attention to who they are.

If you’re the bride, you and your family are likely to have more responsibilities and appointments, yet the family of the groom--particularly his mom!--frequently desire to be sure they’re also contributing and a part of the anticipation. If members of your fiancé’s family are skilled in party-planning, cooking, calligraphy, or otherwise, and have offered their assistance, consider asking them to take on some of these duties for events leading to your big day.

See these principles of delegation and DIY brought to life in Katherine + Ian’s rustic wedding, with handmade statement florals and a reception catered by family.

Affirm them.

A toast at your rehearsal dinner or reception, thank you notes or letters of appreciation, and a time with each other’s parents on the dance floor (whether informally or as a request that your DJ include an in-laws dance in the timeline) are all meaningful gestures of love and of gratitude to your in-laws for raising your beloved into the person he is.

What if one--or both--of you struggles with family relationships?

Life’s milestones can emphasize the pain of tense relationships in a way that makes you wish your situation was otherwise. While not every sensitive matter can or will be resolved by the day you approach the altar, know this: your nuptial Mass, regardless of circumstances, will afford every one of your guests a glimpse of the heavenly wedding feast; a banquet free from brokenness and sin.

Pray for peaceful discussion as you plan your wedding, and for reconciliation to transpire according to the Father’s will. Communicate with your fiancé about healthy boundaries regarding relationships and planning decisions, and find consolation in knowing your family’s wounds and struggles have a purpose--even if that purpose is revealed only in eternity.

What actions and gestures have you made to develop a relationship with your in-laws? Families vary, and through honest community we can strengthen one another as sisters. Share your stories in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

Read more about bringing your loved ones together for your wedding: How to Involve Non-Catholic Family in Your Wedding | Fostering Relationships Among Your Bridesmaids | Family Photo Tips from a Spoken Bride photographer

5 Ways to Highlight Your Bridesmaids' Feminine Genius, Inside and Out

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Are you currently shopping for bridesmaids’ attire and planning events with the women who will stand by your side at the altar?

Photography: Du Castel Photography

Photography: Du Castel Photography

True sisterhood and virtuous friendship are a gift to your marriage, a source of support and intercession that enter into your joys and trials. In his Letter to Women, praising the unique gifts, dignity, and role of women in the world, Saint John Paul II directly thanked “women who are daughters and women who are sisters! Into the heart of the family, and then of all society, you bring the richness of your sensitivity, your intuitiveness, your generosity and fidelity.”

In thanksgiving for the role of these precious female friendships in your life and in the years of marriage to come, here, suggestions for illuminating the feminine genius in your bridesmaids’ attire—and, above all, on the interior.

Look for dresses that flatter a range of feminine beauty.

When a woman feels confident in the clothes she wears, she projects a visible sense of inner contentment and confidence, as well. Radiance. Draw out this beauty in your bridesmaids by seeking out lines that offer a wide range of sizes--including maternity, if necessary--and universally flattering styles. Floor-length dresses, one-shoulder or wrap styles, and A-line silhouettes flatter women of any size and body type.

Mismatch.

The trend of mismatched bridesmaids’ looks, in color, style, or both, continues going strong; consider inviting your maids to pick their own dress within guidelines you’ve chosen, allowing each to wear a piece she feels best complements her skin tone, figure, and taste.

Choose accessories just for them.

The inner uniqueness and unrepeatability of every person is manifest, among other ways, in the way a person dresses and presents herself to the world--and that’s a beautiful and fascinating, revelatory thing! If you’ve opted to give jewelry as a wedding party gift, contemplate each bridesmaid’s personal style and consider picking out a different necklace, saint medal, pair of earrings, or other item that reflects who she is.

Commit to body positivity, together.

The prospect of being photographed, processing up the aisle, and giving speeches is enough to make any woman desire to look and feel her best. If you or any of your bridesmaids share the goal of getting in shape before the wedding day, strive for a healthy attitude and spirit of encouragement, not of self-criticism. If these women are your closest friends, you likely wouldn’t dream of speaking to them harshly about their bodies and self-image.

Yet when it comes to our own selves, we as women are so quick to perceive only flaws. Surround yourself with your friends, and build each other up. If fitness is important to you as the big day approaches, consider taking a workout class together, meeting for weekly hikes or runs, or even doing videos at home together. Focus not on weight loss, but on strength--both outer and inner.

Give of your time, and your heart.

If time allows, spending one-on-one time with each of your bridesmaids during your engagement wonderfully commemorates your relationship as the transition into marriage approaches. Have a coffee or dinner date, go to Adoration together, or visit a shared favorite spot.

The Scriptures and lives of the saints are rich with strong, compassionate women who stood by their friends, some even unto death: Ruth and Naomi, Felicity and Perpetua, Clare and Francis, Brigid and Patrick. Your wedding celebrations present a unique opportunity to celebrate the female friendships in your life, as well.

We love hearing your own rituals and ideas. How have you honored the women in your wedding party?

When You're the Maid of Honor

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CAROLYN SHIELDS

 

We spent hours of our childhood dreaming of this day: what our dresses would look like, how the man would react as we walked down the aisle to him, and so on. Olivia fell in love first, with a marine (she set the bar high). Watching my sister-not-by-blood fall in love was honor enough, but when she asked me to stand by her on her wedding day, I was flushed with warm admiration. It was an honor to participate in so many small, intimate ways that weekend; something I will truly cherish forever.

Listening to her tiptoe upstairs the night before, having that moment together to eat toast and sip coffee the morning of, when the earth was defrosting itself, is a cherished memory. Standing behind the church doors, as I straightened her dad's tie, she whispered, "Carolyn?" And I turned.

"Do I look okay?"

My eyes smarted with tears as I straightened her veil once more and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She pulled me into a hug, kissed my cheek, and told me she loved me. And then I had to go ahead of her.

So you're here, too--the Maid of Honor? I'm sure you're feeling just as honored as I did. Sisterhood is something so beloved, so I want to share ways to incorporate as much prayer into your best friend's day as possible. And if you're like me, I no longer lived close to the bride during her engagement, and couldn't run across the street to her house like we did when we were little. I wasn’t able to walk over and help her tie 150 ribbons for her favors.

But you can do the following, no matter how far apart you and the bride are.

Pray for her guests.

I was privileged to write out Olivia's wedding invitations, something I could do on quiet evenings in my apartment three hours away. As I wrote out her guests’ names, I realized just how many names I didn't recognize. I was curious as to who these people were, people who meant so much to Olivia and her fiancé that they were invited to join them on their big day. So over each envelope, I thanked God for their presence in the bride and groom’s lives.

I also wrote out her escort cards. Over each of these, I prayed for each guest’s safe arrival to the ceremony and reception.

Create a spiritual bouquet.

I know it's tradition to collect the ribbons from bridal shower gifts to build a bouquet for the bride to carry at her rehearsal. When I tried, it was the saddest-looking thing ever! So instead, I reached out to Olivia's friends and mine to create a spiritual bouquet. I bought white roses and scribbled the sacrifices, novenas, rosaries, and prayers our friends offered for Olivia, tying  them with twine onto the flowers. I thought she would feel more comfortable walking down the aisle holding a bouquet of prayer (some from women she’d never met) than one made of ribbon!

Take a moment to pray over her.

Even if you don’t often pray in this way, in that moment when she looks immaculate, it's minutes before go time, and the butterflies are raging, she’ll welcome it. Invite the bridesmaids to join you in prayer, place a warm palm on her shoulder for physical support, and let your heart sing its praise.

Reflect on honor.

That's who you are! The Maid of Honor. What does it mean to honor someone? What does honor deserve? What place does honor have in our faith? If we believe our Holy is who he says Hh is, then we must understand who we are.

And on this weekend, on that altar, that's what you represent.

About the Author: Carolyn Shields is the founder of The YoungCatholicWoman and is fresh off of the wedding of her sister (she set up the bride and groom!). Her current projects include web design and engagement and wedding photography. 

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5 Bridesmaids' Retailers Outside the Bridal Salon Box

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There is something radiantly, visibly evident and set apart at the nuptial Mass of a holy, pure-hearted couple, one who understands and embraces taking up the crosses and sweetnesses of marriage. Authentic love has the power to render wedding guests speechless and full of true joy.

When you’ve chosen women of faith and selflessness to stand beside you at the altar, you can be sure their spiritual intercession and ability to enter into your joy will bless your marriage. Being able to share in a friend’s emotional state so deeply is a mark of real friendship and intimacy that tangibly enhances the beauty of a couple’s wedding day.

It follows that when it comes to your bridesmaids’ attire, you’ll most likely desire an outward look that magnifies and highlights each woman’s inner beauty. If you’re beginning your search for dresses, we’d like to suggest a few paths less traveled.

Here’s a semi-secret of the wedding industry: bridesmaids’ dresses get a significant markup at bridal shops. Fortunately, alternatives to traditional bridal retailers not only offer an opportunity to save your best ladies some cash, but one to find attire that truly suits your style.  Here, five non-bridal brands with wide and beautiful selections, with plenty under $100:

For everyone: Nordstrom Juniors

As a department store, Nordstrom naturally has pieces to suit any taste, including youthful, elegant Juniors’ formal wear, as well as simpler day and evening dresses, at far lower prices than the designer-heavy Women’s department, and in a wide range of sizes.

If your style is bohemian: Francesca’s Collections

Maybe you’ve shopped here before or have browsed Francesca’s at the mall. The feminine, delicate styles here would fit right in at a casually romantic daytime wedding: lace, embroidery, and a selection of soft colors. They also carry gorgeous jewelry and accessories for your bridesmaids...and for you, the bride!

If you love styles with a nod to the past: Shabby Apple

Featuring different collections that each invoke a particular time and place--Old Hollywood, for instance, or tailored Mad Men-style silhouettes--Shabby Apple’s beautiful dresses have a vintage sensibility that’s never costumey or overdone, just pretty. The company recently expanded from its origins as a small business, maintaining along the way its inspiring mission to dress women with feminine strength “Because they are beautiful. Because they are powerful. Because they have unique distinctions. Because they can use that power and beauty to shape and change the world in individual ways. Because they have always contributed.”

If you like the classics: Dorothy Perkins

The Dorothy Perkins brand might best be described as Red-era Taylor Swift : a little bit classic, a little bit preppy, lots of florals, looks good with red lips. This online retailer offers dozens of styles with one of the widest size ranges available and also offers maternity versions of their popular dresses, both of which get our applause.

If you’re a minimalist: Zara

You’ve probably shopped here, too. Zara’s neutral palette and elegant, spare silhouettes are worth a look if you’ve chosen dark wedding colors (particularly black) and are drawn to a clean, simple aesthetic. Alternatively, their distinctively bold, bright floral patterns would be well-suited to a daytime celebration.

If your wedding is months away, consider shopping for dresses during or right after the season in which your big day will take place. That is, look around for summer wedding dresses in the summer, and winter wedding dresses in the winter; since most non-bridal retailers don’t offer the same selections or types of clothes year-round, it’s smart to plan ahead. Consider these suggestions a starting point for venturing beyond the bridal salon, and if you’ve found beautiful wedding party attire from a less conventional retailer, be sure to share it with our community in the comments or on our social media!

Editors' Picks | Vol. 7: Registry Essentials

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At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

Creating a registry can be a daunting task, especially if you're one of the first among your friends to tie the knot. Keep in mind that registering for gifts, as awkward as it may seem, is actually a gift to the family and friends who want to celebrate your marriage; a well-planned registry takes the guesswork out of gift-giving. We've compiled our registry essentials below, and hope they will be a helpful start to your list. 

Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Quality Serveware: Splurge on serveware! These are pieces that you’ll want to pull out for guests or special occasions. As a family, we are called to be a home for our community and a welcoming space for all of God’s people. Having nice servingware is a way to have fun with hospitality.  Whether it’s a cheese platter or a nicer serving bowl, go ahead and put them on your registry.

Experiences: Something Hunter and I have enjoyed exploring while setting up our registry, is having the option to add “experience” gifts to our list. Registries like Zola, allow you to put experiences such as a “Night Out on the Town” or a “Travel Fund” essentially act as gift cards. Multiple guests can contribute to the experience and give you and your fiance the means to have experiences that you wouldn’t otherwise.

Beautiful Artwork: Wall art isn’t usually something that you would buy for yourself, but it will definitely brighten your home and make it feel like your own special place. Make sure to include gorgeous Catholic art like The Annunciation by Henry Ossawa Tanner, Blessed Is She’s prints, or the 2015 World Meeting of Families Icon.

Christina, Associate Editor

It hasn't been long since I put together my registry, so I can honestly say each of these items is much-loved and much-used in our home. If you're looking for a convenient one-stop registry website, I highly recommend Zola. 

Instant Pot: I’ve always been a fan of my Crockpot, but the Instant Pot has knocked it right out of first place in terms of hassle-free cooking. Since Kristian and I got married, I’ve used the Instant Pot at least once a week to cook everything from soup to pulled pork. It’s like a Crockpot, but instead of waiting 8 hours to eat the tenderest meat of your life, it takes 45 minutes thanks to the fact that it’s a high tech pressure cooker. You can also steam vegetables (including potatoes), make yogurt, sauté onions and garlic before adding in your main ingredients...the list goes on.

Psalter for Couples: Kristian and I make it a point to pray together before we go to bed each night, and this Psalter has been a wonderful addition to our prayer life. The folks who publish the Magnificat have carefully chosen Psalms (each followed by a short prayer) for couples to pray together in different seasons and on different occasions throughout married life.

A high-quality set of knives: Growing up in a family where cooking wasn’t really a thing left me with little appreciation for a good set of knives. Now, thanks to lots of trial and error during my single years, I know that a high quality set of knives is essential if you want to cook efficiently and safely. For those nervous that the high price of a full set will scare people away from purchasing knives, consider registering for individual knives, or small companion sets of knives.

Stephanie, Editor-in-Chief and Co-Founder

Picture frames and photo printing credits: As my sixth anniversary approaches, I sometimes shake my head at the fact that I’ve never had a wedding album made--immediately following our wedding, money was tight and my husband and I couldn’t afford extensive album design and creation with our photographer. Quality wedding images are an investment, but they’re an instant treasure you won’t regret. Choose a set of classic, coordinated frames like these for easy display in your new home once you’ve received your photos, and speak with your photographer about whether he or she offers gift cards for album services that your guests can purchase, or for recommendations for high-quality print labs.

Family Bible: As you enter into the sacrament of marriage, a whole new sacramental life begins with the two of you. A beautifully crafted Bible like this one, with a special section to record those who participated in your nuptial Mass, along with, God willing, future Baptisms, First Communions, Confirmations, and your children’s vocations, becomes an heirloom record of a shared life in Christ.

Quality tool set: It’s not as romantic as champagne flutes or down pillows, but through moves, furniture (and maybe down the road, toy) assembly, and ordinary household tasks, a set of well-made tools will see you through countless instances you didn’t think you needed them for. My husband picked out this set by Stanley when we got married, and even now it gets at least weekly use and has held up great. I asked him about recommending tools, and from him to you, his advice is to choose quality over quantity: the biggest set isn’t necessarily the most useful, and the lowest price might tend toward a more temporary item than a long-term investment. 

Andi, Business Director

Lodge Cast Iron Skillet: I never thought I'd want or even use something like this, but here I am using it pretty much every day to make veggies, grilled cheese, and more.

Bath Sheets: I had no idea giant, cozy bath sheets ever existed before my husband Matt asked me to register for them. They're the best! We've had towels from Pottery Barn, Bed, Bath, & Beyond, and Macy's, but these are my absolute favorite because they are so soft.

Measuring Cups and Spoons: I've used these daily for almost 10 years and they still look brand new. They definitely hold up to the wear and tear of family life.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Cast Iron Skillet: You can't go wrong with a quality cast iron skillet. It's sturdy, versatile, economical, and has great heat distribution. I love how you are able to use it on the stovetop, for baking, or even outdoors for camping. And if you take good care of it, it will last you a long time.

Quality Flatware: When my husband and I were engaged and creating our registry, I teased him about how long he took selecting a silverware set. He went down the aisle, lifting the various forks and knives to see which ones had a good weight. I thought it was silly at the time, but eight years later, our silverware is still going strong, and anytime I reach for our set of Dollar Tree flatware from his single days, I notice a huge difference. Here's to spoons that don't bend when you're scooping ice cream! 

Items for your family oratory: Did you know you can create a Catholic gift registry? Religious art and some prayer books aren't exactly inexpensive. My husband and I created a Catholic gift registry for our wedding with Aquinas and More, and we were so thankful to receive some religious icons that otherwise would have taken some time and saving to purchase ourselves. When you get married, you're building the domestic church, so why not give your loved ones an opportunity to help create your first oratory?

We love making new discoveries, particularly from Catholic vendors--share your registry gift ideas in the comments or on our social media!

Editors' Picks | Vol. 6: Bridesmaids Gifts

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At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

If you choose, your wedding party has the potential to be so much more than the friends and family members who join you on the altar and circle around during your first dance. These men and women can be powerful, loving intercessors during engagement and throughout your marriage--for that, and for all their assistance and investment preparing for your big day and standing next to you as you say your vows, they deserve a worthy thank you! Today we're sharing some of our favorite gifts for bridesmaids.

Christina, Associate Editor

When purchasing gifts for my bridesmaids--who were all close family members--I tried to give them something that they could use and enjoy beyond the wedding day. I ended up putting together gift bags with the following four items, and my bridesmaids loved them.

Anthropologie House & Home items: I got each of my bridesmaids a personalized mug except for my cousin, who got a candle--she has limited cabinet space and had mentioned to me before that she didn’t want anymore mugs. Anthropologie is my go-to for this kind of thing, and my secret to keeping costs down is to scour the sale section. Candles and mugs are often on sale for as little as $6!

Literary Heroine Bookmark: All of my bridesmaids love to read, and although they’re not all quite as nerdy as I am, I knew they’d appreciate one of these darling bookmarks from Carrot Top Paper Shop. Each got a different heroine, although I couldn’t resist giving my sister Elisa, my Maid of Honor, Anne of Green Gables and Hermione.

Earrings: Each of my bridesmaids wore a different, self-selected dress, so I decided to get them all similar earrings to pull everything together on the big day. As much as I wanted the gifts to be a surprise, I also wanted my maids to like their earrings enough to get post-wedding wear out of them, so I asked each about their preferred style of earring and got them all at Anthro, which I knew would be a hit.

Letter of gratitude: By far my favorite part of the bridesmaid gift bag was the personalized thank you notes that I wrote to each of my maids. Each of them is so precious to me, and since I’m a Words-of-Affirmation gal, I couldn’t help telling them so on my wedding day. I knew I wouldn’t have time to sit down with each of them before the wedding and pour my heart out, but a letter is the next best thing. I chose cards from Papersource that reflected each of our relationships and spent time in the weeks leading up to the wedding crafting well-thought out letters of gratitude to my two sisters, sister-in-law, and cousin-who-might-as-well-be-a-sister. It was one of my favorite parts of the wedding planning process, and I’m so glad I took the time to do it.

Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Plum Pretty Sugar Robes: I'm excited to be gifting my bridesmaids with these comfy robes for all of us to wear as we get our hair and makeup done the morning of my wedding! It's the perfect way to make your bridesmaids to feel pampered and comfortable during prep time, and always fun to match with your best girls!  

Customized makeup bags: These bags would be perfect for holding personal makeup while prepping for the wedding. Bonus: this bag can double as a clutch for your bridesmaids throughout the wedding day. Hello makeup retouch en route to the reception! 

Holy Family medal: A small medal of the Holy Family, the Blessed Mother or each bridesmaid's patron saint is a thoughtful way for you to add a spiritual touch to your wedding party gifts. If you want, you can have the medals blessed and even pray with them in the weeks leading up the wedding, before gifting them to your bridesmaids. 

Stephanie, Editor in Chief + Co-Founder

Mystic Monk Coffee or Tea + Brick House in the City Mug: Depending when in the day your wedding is, your getting-ready time can be anywhere from before dawn to a somewhat normal breakfast hour. Either way, ease into hair, makeup, and photos by treating each of your bridesmaids to her favorite hot drink. A box of gourmet coffee or tea--Mystic Monk is delicious and supports our Carmelite brothers in monastic life--along with a mug to remember the day by, elevates a normal morning ritual into a time worth remembering. One of our brides designed mugs as a favor for her guests; I also love this one from Brick House in the City, a Catholic-owned small business!

Naves Design Clutch: Between pajamas or getting-ready outfits, shoes, makeup, accessories, snacks, chargers, emergency items, and beyond, every bridesmaid has plenty to carry over the course of a wedding day. A pretty clutch, like this handmade one, helps your ladies keep their essentials close at hand through traveling and photo ops, and a metallic or neutral shade is classic and versatile enough for long after the big day.

Makeup brush set: If you’re all doing your own makeup, quality tools feel like a treat and can ease and simplify application. A set of brushes is the kind of item I’d never think to buy for myself, but would love to receive as a gift, one I know I’d frequently use. This budget option from EcoTools and this higher-end option from Too Faced each boast good looks and come well-reviewed by beauty-savvy women.

Andi, Business Director

Pretty Please Custom Nail Polish: Toss a fun shade of nail polish into a bag with some additional pampering essentials. It's fun receiving gifts of little luxuries you wouldn't normally purchase for yourself.

Telos Art Spiritual Bouquet: A beautiful image to accompany a personal list of prayers and intentions from you, to each of your bridesmaids.

Quality time: Nothing beats quality time with your best girlfriends and sisters. Treat the members of your bridal party to lunch, manis and pedis, a besties day at your favorite tourist trap...whatever gives you ladies great bonding time!

Tote Bag: My friend once gave each bridesmaid an LL Bean Medium tote bag, personalized with our initials and filled with a giant, fuzzy bathrobe. They're excellent quality bags--I still have mine almost 10 years later!

Flats or Flip Flops for the reception: Give your maids some cute shoes for the reception so they can tear up the dance floor. Personally, I love seeing bright, fun shoes paired with fancy bridesmaid dresses.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Bridesmaid Emergency Kit: The morning of the wedding can sometimes be crazy, so gifting an emergency kit is just a small way to help everyone have what they might need at the last minute. 

BHLDN Botanic Garden Robes: As a wedding photographer, I always love when all of the bridesmaids are in coordinating or matching robes while getting ready. It makes for a super cute group photo with the bride, attractive & modest "getting ready" photos (because no one wants to be photographed in pajamas, tank tops, or bras), and it's something your bridesmaids can continue to use after the wedding day.

My Saint My Hero "Trinity" Necklace: Looking to give a piece of beautiful jewelry to your bridesmaids? My Saint My Hero now offers these petite necklaces that are both feminine and a beautiful reminder of our faith. The Swarovski crystal comes in a few different colors, so you can pick one that coordinates with your wedding theme.

We love making new discoveries, particularly from Catholic vendors--share your bridesmaid gift ideas in the comments or on our social media!

 

Uncommonly Classic Wedding Ideas for the Rebellious Bride

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ANGELA VAZZANA

 

Okay, so maybe not rebellious, really. You love the Church and the liturgy and orthodoxy, because traditions are wonderful and tie us to the Body of Christ; past, present, and future. But you’re frustrated with all the wedding customs you’re expected to follow that, while lovely in their own way, aren’t actually necessary for a Catholic wedding or relevant to the essence of the sacrament. If that sounds like you, consider mixing it up a little! Below are some ideas to change up those details in meaningful ways that stay true to--and even showcase--the beauty of Catholic matrimony.

And if that doesn’t sound like you, that’s totally fine too! I’ll be the first to say my wedding was pretty conventional; I didn’t incorporate any of the ideas here. Your wedding will be no less special, beautiful, or appreciated by your friends and family regardless of where you fall on the mainstream-alternative spectrum. Also, of course, anything you choose for your wedding shouldn’t be a source of conflict or scandal, and if you’re concerned or undecided about anything, ask your priest or trusted friends and family for guidance.

Jeremy Wong

Jeremy Wong

The Dress: Did you know the white wedding dress is really a relatively new trend that started in the Western world with Queen Victoria’s wedding in 1840? Prior to that, women would simply wear their nicest dress of any hue, or a different culturally significant color. I’ve heard that in Ireland, the longtime most popular wedding dress color was blue as a way of honoring the Blessed Mother!

A lot of people might assume white dresses are mandatory to symbolize a bride’s purity, but that’s not the case--there aren’t really universal expectations about attire aside from modesty and due reverence for the occasion, though it's prudent check with your parish for local or diocesan guidelines. Maybe you feel most confident and beautiful in jewel tones, or you want to honor your cultural heritage with clothing from that tradition--I once attended a Catholic wedding where the bride, who was from Vietnam, wore a beautiful traditional red garment--whatever your reason, your options aren’t necessarily limited to ivory, white, or cream!

The Wedding Processional: It’s pretty much taken for granted now that the “grand finale” of the wedding processional is the bride walking down the aisle with her father (or, more recently, with both parents). Some might daydream about that moment, anticipating the drama of seeing their groom waiting at the end of the aisle, which is definitely a special moment that makes for some breathtaking photos. Yet it certainly doesn’t speak to everyone the same way--and if you count yourself among that mindset, the Catholic Rite of Marriage actually recommends a different option.

It’s really a cultural convention that most weddings follow the “Here Comes the Bride” procession model, but the Roman Rite actually prescribes that the bride and groom process last, down the aisle together, with their parents and/or witnesses. I think this is an awesome way to symbolize the couple’s mutual consent to enter into the marriage, as well as emphasize one of the most amazing things about the nuptial Mass--that the bride and groom themselves are the actual ministers of the sacrament.

The Witnesses: The official witnesses to your marriage are there to verify that you and your spouse have entered into a valid marriage, so of course you’ll want to choose someone close to your heart for this. Usually, the witnesses are the bride’s Maid or Matron of Honor and the groom’s Best Man. However, if you or your fiancé happen to be closest with a sibling or friend of the opposite sex, there’s no reason why they can’t participate in this special role. Of course, this isn’t really something chosen for aesthetic reasons or to make a statement, but don’t feel pressured to miss out on asking your brother or best friend if that’s who you feel knows you best. 

Above all, the decisions you make about your wedding should reflect what we as Catholics proclaim about marriage. In the words of Pope Francis, "It is good that your wedding be simple and make what is truly important stand out. Some are more concerned with the exterior details, with the banquet, the photographs, the clothes, the flowers…These are important for a celebration, but only if they point to the real reason for your joy: the Lord's blessing on your love."

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Angela Vazzana married her husband on a hot July day in 2013 at her alma mater, Mount St. Mary's University, where she studied philosophy and communications. She is a security analyst for NASA by day and nourishes her creative side by night by playing the piano and guitar, planning themed parties, or feeding her mild Instagram addiction. While she and her husband can usually be found any given fall day cheering for the Redskins or Wizards, they are most excited this fall for the arrival of their first child.