How to Support a Bride When Her Wedding Plans Must Change

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CLARA DAVISON

 

Perhaps it happened a few weeks ago or perhaps you got the text today—around the world, wedding plans are modified because of the Coronavirus. 

In the last month, three of our friends have canceled their weddings, for now. With each cancelation, I was both heartbroken and a bit unsure of how to react as I watched my friends navigate the unique circumstances around wedding planning in 2020.

Here are four steps you can take (right now!) to support your friends or fellow brides who have changed their wedding plans:

1. Acknowledge the Loss

Yes, there are extraordinary things happening in the world causing a global heartache. A suspended wedding may not be headline news around the world, however, for your friend, this wedding was the beginning of her marriage and a major event she had meticulously planned with hopes and expectations for who would be present, how it would look, and how it would feel. Do not dismiss her sadness over the cancelled event simply because there are seemingly more tragic things happening around the globe. 

Acknowledge the loss and allow her to express her disappointment in a safe and nonjudgmental space. Affirm her reaction is entirely appropriate, and give her time to process this loss. It is okay to grieve the changes to wedding plans. 

2. Offer Help and Support

Planning a wedding is a huge task; after so much work, canceling and rescheduling the big day can feel like an insurmountable task. At the thought of having to redo months of wedding planning, the bride may feel overwhelmed with the amount of decisions and tasks at hand. 

Reach out with offers of help and support. Can you help call wedding guests with the news? Do vendors need to be coordinated with for the new wedding date? Are there rented decorations that need to be returned? 

Help the bride brainstorm and delegate tasks to family and friends who are willing to help. During a time when everything can feel overwhelming and unknown, it is especially important to make the bride feel she is supported with helping hands.  

3. Continue to Check In

No matter how far in advance a wedding day gets canceled or altered, it is a difficult adjustment. After the initial decision is made, continue to check-in with the bride and let her know you are thinking of her during this unexpected difficulty.  

Can you send a quick text or email letting her know you are praying for them? Can you send a small “thinking of you” gift on the date of the now-canceled bridal shower? Continuing to check-in after the initial decision will help your friend know that their wedding day is important to you too. 

4. Make the Wedding Date Special

Though plans are canceled, couples have several options in how they choose to move forward in pursuit of marriage. Some may postpone the entire wedding while others may have a private ceremony on the original date and a large party at a future date. Regardless of what they choose, their original wedding date will look much different than they initially anticipated.  

If you have a friend who has moved both the ceremony and the reception, make sure you reach out to this bride when her former wedding day arrives. This will be a difficult day for her and it is especially important for her to be surrounded with love. Can you have flowers or cupcakes delivered to her house? Can you mail her a card with a thoughtful note? Can you send her a care package filled with some of her favorite things? Spoken Brides’ Vendor Guide offers creative and thoughtful ideas for gift-giving. 

If you have a friend who is having a private ceremony, see if there are ways you can still be included in this bride’s wedding day! There are many creative ways to celebrate the new marriage during this time. Can someone livestream the wedding for friends and family who cannot be there in person? Can you decorate the car while they are inside the Church? Can you leave cards and gifts outside their new home for them to find after their ceremony?

This year has turned out very different than anyone anticipated; many engaged couples are experiencing this unexpected stress in unique ways. Experiencing this unprecedented adversity will be a foundation of memories and emotions for our entire world—in an extremely personal way for brides and grooms. Showing your soon-to-be-married friends extraordinary support during these extraordinary times is an act of love as they begin their married lives.

About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in Brand Management and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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How to Customize your Wedding Dress

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CLARA DAVISON

 

When I got engaged, the first question following  the initial congratulations was always, “have you found your dress yet?” As one of seven sisters, I grew up watching Say Yes to the Dress and spent countless hours critiquing and comparing wedding dresses. However, when I started looking at wedding dresses for myself, I quickly became nervous. 

None of the dresses I saw online were what I hoped to wear on my wedding day. What if I couldn’t find a dress I liked in my budget (which, as a fulltime student, was very small)? What if I found two I liked and couldn’t decide? What if I liked the style of a dress, but it was the wrong fabric? 

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE

I finally agreed to go with my mother to a bridal store and shop in-person. As I tried on dresses, I learned I really loved a satin, off-white dress with a dramatic train. I wanted lace sleeves, but I didn’t want too much lace on the dress. I also wanted pockets, which I learned is a very uncommon feature of wedding dresses. 

Now that I could finally imagine myself in a specific style and design, I could not find the right dress. One dress might have the train I wanted, but no straps. Another might have the sleeves I liked, but no pockets or train. I grew more and more discouraged as the process continued. 

My mother suggested we look for an inexpensive “base” for my dress and work with a seamstress to customize it. With this in mind, we found a simple, satin, off-white dress with the perfect train--and pockets. It was a perfect foundation; I spent the remainder of my time and budget customizing more details and features until it was the perfect dress--my perfect dress--for my wedding day.  As you imagine the wedding dress shopping experience, it may be helpful to know some options for customization which may bring your visions and dreams to life. 

Overlays or Underlays

I imagined long, lacey sleeves, and an overlay provided the perfect layer to create the look I was hoping for. There are a wide variety of overlay options, easily accessible from a seamstress or bridal shop. Other dresses may benefit from a sheer underlay to create an illusion neckline. While I chose to go with the overlay option, I have friends who have incorporated a custom underlay option with positive results. 

An important aspect of overlays and underlays involves the skill of your seamstress. When I found a lace overlay that I loved, the lace did not line up with the neckline of my original dress. Rather than hunting for another overlay, my seamstress was able to lift the lace off the sheer base and shift it down half-an-inch to make it a perfect match! 

Belts

When I purchased the very plain base dress, I turned to belts as a way to add some sparkle and texture. I found hundreds of options from David’s Bridal and local bridal salons. I chose my favorites and brought them along to my first meeting with my seamstress to give her an idea of what I was looking for. 

While I ultimately chose not to wear a belt on my dress, the options helped bring my final vision to life. The belts I kept have been shared among friends who also hoped to customize their dresses. 

Splashes of Color

My seamstress suggested  incorporating my wedding colors into my wedding dress. Whether with a belt, tinted underskirt (perfect for cute bridesmaid pictures), or trim, there are dozens of ways you can incorporate color into a wedding dress. You can even do something as small as purchasing a swatch of your dress fabric and dying it to match your wedding colors. then adding the swatch along your neckline. 

These are a few of the many ways to personalize the wedding dress of your dreams! Rather than settling for something I just liked, I was able to create a one-of-a-kind dress that I loved. Keep an open mind as you go wedding dress shopping; think about the possibilities each dress offers, rather than simply focusing on how it looks on that first day. If you are willing to veer from the traditional shopping experience, the options are endless. 

Did you customize your wedding dress? Share your experiences and ideas with the Spoken Bride community on Facebook and Instagram.

About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in Brand Management and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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How to Support Engaged or Newly Married Catholic Couples

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CLARA DAVISON

 

People are created for community. For many engaged and newly married Catholic couples, community includes others in a similar stage of life. 

Over the last year-and-a-half since getting married, my husband and I have attended six weddings--and have many more on the calendar for the coming year! Suffice to say, wedding planning and marriage conversations are an ever-present aspect of our lives and the lives of those around us. 

As friends have approached us for advice as they prepare for their wedding day, my husband and I have discovered a new depth to our marriage. Through many conversations, both separate and together, we have enjoyed sharing and supporting others in their journey toward a Catholic marriage. 

Whether you are single, engaged, or married, we summarize four ways you can support other Catholic couples during their engagement and through their first year of marriage: 

Let the couple know you are praying for them—and pray for them

Continually reassure a couple of your prayers during their engagement and leading up to their wedding. This is an exciting yet stressful time in their lives and the assurance that they have friends continually lifting them up in prayer is so important. 

Whether it is praying a novena leading up to their wedding day, offering a special prayer on their monthly anniversary, or just saying a quick Hail Mary when you think of them, prayer is always an important way we can offer support to our couple friends. 

Ask about the less “exciting” and more serious aspects of wedding prep

Weddings are an exciting time and many people will ask about details  like dress shopping and gift registry ideas. But the more serious and important aspects of wedding preparation, such as pre-Cana, do not always receive the inquiry and reflection they deserve. 

Often, Pre-Cana classes and premarital counseling can be stressful for a couple as the magnitude of “to have and to hold ‘til death do us part” becomes a reality rather than a cute wedding tagline. During our engagement, it was difficult to find someone to talk to as I processed the more serious aspects of our wedding and marriage. 

Create space for your engaged friends to discuss the serious parts of preparing for marriage. Ask thoughtful questions to help draw the couple into meaningful conversations beyond just weddings flowers and bridesmaids’ dresses.  

Look for ways to serve the couple during the wedding day

Everyone loves weddings! It is a joy to see people you care about take this big step together; and really, who doesn’t love an excuse to dress up and gather with family and friends? But in the midst of the joyful celebrations, it can be  easy to forget that the couple can feel they just ran an emotional marathon. 

Leading up to my wedding, I was told jokingly that I wouldn’t get a chance to eat at my reception. To my surprise, I found this was the reality as I visited with guests. With this memory in mind, I always try to approach the bride and groom a few times throughout the day with offers of food, water, and an offer to run errands or fetch forgotten changes of shoes! 

Continue to reach out through the first year of marriage

After the wedding day, the marriage is only beginning. The wedding day is filled with family and friends offering love and support, but sometimes it is easy to forget that the couple needs support throughout their marriage. 

I try to reach out and offer support to newlywed couples throughout the first year of marriage, inviting them into conversations about the  ups and downs of early married life. Transitioning into married life is different for every couple, but regardless, support and love from friends is always appreciated.  

There are so many ways to support the couples around you in their engagement and first year of marriage! The primary focus is to simply be available and intentional in your relationships. 

What are some ways you have received or shown support to engaged couples or newlyweds? Share your experience with our community on Facebook or Instagram.

About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in Brand Management and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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Creating a Unique Wedding Registry

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CLARA DAVISON

 

Wedding registries can be both an exciting and anxious part of wedding planning. Who doesn’t get excited about making the ultimate wish list for their new home? This is an opportunity for you and your fiancé to decide your style as a couple and how your future home will reflect that.

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At the same time, it can create an extra level of stress as you scrutinize each item you add to your registry. What does it mean to be a good steward of your friend’s and family’s generosity? How much should you consider the price range of items? Is it wiser to restrict your registry to necessities, or is this an opportunity to include things you would not consider purchasing yourself? What is the balance between kitchen items, larger furniture pieces, linens, and miscellaneous?

A little prayer and confidence in the joyful generosity of your friends and family during this season of engagement can help alleviate these anxious questions.

A wedding registry is an opportunity for those who love you to channel their affection into acts of charity. And there is never another time in your life when you’ll get to create such an exciting wish list!

And so, it can be fun to find ways to veer from the traditional aspects of wedding registries and add some uniqueness to this part of wedding planning. Here are three ways to make your registry more personalized towards your future life as a married couple:

Books

What better way to celebrate your marriage than growing your new family’s library? Though my husband and I accumulated a large number of books during our years as English majors, I wish we had added the missing classics to our wedding registry. This is a wonderful way to infuse your personality into your registry and give your guests the opportunity to add to your book collection. It is also a great way to include your fiancé—who may be apathetic about towel and sheet colors—in the registry selections. Giving your guests the option to purchase books might be a welcome change from the usual selection of linens and kitchen items.

Charities

As you and your fiancé begin creating your registry, this is a wonderful time to discuss how charitable giving will be incorporated into your marriage. In the midst of picking items that you will no doubt enjoy in your future home, it is nice to consider how your upcoming marriage will benefit others. Is there a specific charity that is significant to you or your fiancé? Is there a ministry that has supported you and your beloved’s spiritual growth?

As a couple, you have the opportunity to begin your marriage prioritizing charitable giving and inviting your friends and family to join you. What a beautiful testimony to the life-giving fruit of marriage!

Experiences

One of my favorite developments in wedding registries is the incorporation of experiences. Most registries now have the option for couples to create individual experiences that their guests can choose to help fund. This is a nice way to balance the many physical gifts on a registry with experience gifts that build memories rather than clutter. I used this option to create specific experiences that our guests could gift us for our honeymoon. Tickets to the Vatican Museums and to a play were just two of the options that guests could use to help us celebrate our first few weeks as a married couple.

In the midst of the chaos of wedding planning, the registry can be an opportunity to relax and enjoy dreaming up the trimmings of your future home. Adding a few unique additions to your registry is a fun and refreshing way to incorporate your interests as a couple. What are some unusual items that you have added to your registry?

About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in independent school advancement and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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3 Tangible Ways to Include the Saints in Your Wedding Day

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CLARA DAVISON

 

For as long as I can remember, saints and their stories have played a huge part in my spiritual life.

As a child, I loved learning about Saint Fransisco, Blessed Imelda, and other children who achieved holiness at a young age. In my teenage years, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, Saint Dominic Savio, and Blessed Chiara Badano began inspiring me. Learning about holy men and women who related to my current stage in life strengthened and encouraged me on my spiritual journey.

Once engaged, I began considering ways to incorporate the saints into my wedding. They have been alongside me through every part of my life, and I wanted to include them as I entered this vocation. Here, three ways I have seen the saints’ intercession incorporated in Catholic weddings:

Wedding bouquet medals

During my engagement, I asked friends and family to pray for us in the weeks leading up to the wedding. I may have tentatively suggested--or not so tentatively, as my siblings tell me--that they ask the intercession of specific saints on my husband’s and my behalf. I then invited my prayer warriors to bring a medal of their specific saint to the wedding and tie it onto my bouquet before I walked down the aisle.

I can’t tell you how touching it was to receive so many medals on my wedding day and to feel the weight of my bouquet carrying the symbols of many prayers. Since the bouquet was too large to preserve, it became especially significant to have those medals long after the flowers and greenery faded.

Stories of married saints

As I planned my wedding, I began seeking out saints who were called to the vocation of marriage: Saints Gianna Molla, Elizabeth Ann Seton, and Jane Frances de Chantal just scratch the surface of many amazing married women. I found it incredibly powerful to study the lives of Catholic wives who lived out their vocation with such holiness.

I also learned of many married couples who are both saints! While Joseph and Mary are the epitome of a holy marriage, there are a variety of others to learn from: Saints Louis and Zelie Martin, Joachim and Anne, and Blessed Charles of Austria and his wife, Servant of God Zita, are just a few from whom I drew inspiration. Learning about these holy relationships is a great way to reflect on your hopes for your own marriage.

Litany of the Saints

When picking Mass music, my friend chose the Litany of the Saints to be sung while grandparents, parents, and bridesmaids walked down the aisle. She and her fiancé were able to pick some of their favorite saints to include in the litany, making it particularly personal. While not a traditional piece for a wedding, I found it a beautiful testimony to watch the couple’s closest friends and family escorted down the aisle as their closest friends in Heaven were called on to intercede.

Our brothers and sisters in heaven are such a wonderful aspect of the Catholic faith. What are ways you have seen them included in weddings?

About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in independent school advancement and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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