5 Ways to Be Intentional in a Season of Transition

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KATHERINE FINNEY

 

Throughout the short five years I’ve been married, my husband and I have moved four times in three cities--spread across different regions of the country, he’s been through three stages of medical training and job relocation, and we’ve had two kids--with one on the way. That’s a lot of transitions.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SOUL CREATIONS PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY

Transitions are a normal part of relationships, but they can really wear us out and add a lot of unnecessary stress to our lives. I believe that if we approach transitions with intentionality—that is, with a sense of conviction and preparedness about how to handle transitions well—we will find a lot of grace hidden in the middle of the chaos. I’ve brainstormed a few ways to be intentional with your beloved during a major period of change:

Pray for each other. 

This seems obvious, but it’s often the thing that goes out of the window first. Wake up a little earlier (even if it’s just five or ten minutes), go to bed a little later, pray in the car out loud, whatever you have to do to make prayer a priority in this time. 

When everything else around you feels like it’s changing, there’s Someone who isn’t. Our relationship with God is the most important thing in our lives, and that doesn’t change during times of transition. Make it a priority to talk to God about the changes, and surrender the things that feel out of your control to him. Without prayer, you won’t be able to have a way to re-center; things will feel overwhelming, and temptation to despair will be very strong. You may find yourself despairing your relationship with your spouse. 

You may begin to doubt your own abilities as a capable spouse, parent, employee, etc. In order to keep these doubts and discouragements away as much as possible (because they’ll come no matter what sometimes), we need God to show us who he is and to show us who we are in his eyes. This comes through daily intentional prayer.

Be patient with your spouse. 

Look for ways he/she is still the person you fell in love with, no matter how much time has passed. Maybe you fell in love with your spouse’s ability to hold a captive audience in a group of people. Maybe you fell in love with his/her love of dancing or reading or fine art. Perhaps your spouse makes you laugh the most of anyone you know. Look for the ways your spouse still possesses these qualities and remind yourself that this person is still the person you fell in love with. 

It may feel like everything else around you is changing, including yourself and your spouse, but reminding yourself of who your spouse really is to you will help you stay united in the midst of the changes.

Try harder than before to speak your spouse’s love language. 

Leave notes for him/her if it’s words of affirmation. If it’s physical touch, give him/her a big hug after a long day of work. If your spouse really needs acts of service, look for ways to help that you know he/she would appreciate. Sometimes stepping outside of our own worries and anxieties to serve others really puts things into a positive perspective for us and helps us to stay less focused on ourselves and our own sorrows and more on what really matters.

Pick up some of the slack around the house (if you are physically able). 

There will be seasons when you are the one in need of help around the house; if that’s the season you’re in, embrace it. If, however, your spouse is the one primarily going through the changes, voluntarily pick up the slack around the house before it becomes a point of contention for you both. 

Sometimes I find myself waiting for my spouse to change a diaper or do the dishes, and I end up resenting him when he’s too busy to do it. Often I need to change my perspective and notice the things he is already doing to help. More often, I have an opportunity to be merciful and steadfast in my duties. If I can do this voluntarily and preemptively before resentment starts to grow in my heart, I find a lot of grace to do things I otherwise would deem too difficult.

Get your spouse (and maybe even yourself) a treat. 

My husband loves when I make him a homemade cocktail. That’s easy enough as long as we have the ingredients. Maybe some flowers or a thrifted book would be a good way to show your spouse you’re thinking of him/her and enduring this time of transition together. Brainstorming ideas for this can be fun too!

Overall, times of transition are often just really difficult. Sometimes we’ll feel like we have a good grip on what’s going on, and other times we’ll just need to ride the chaos until we feel settled again. Don’t forget to pray, and everything else will take care of itself.

About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

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Newlywed Life | Mastering the Art of Arguing

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THERESA NAMENYE

 

Engaged and newlywed couples likely receive a lot of advice on “unity.” After all, the whole premise of the marital covenant is in the two becoming one. Unity is essential: in prayer, decision making, money, parenting, and so on. 

But what about when couples are not unified?

Often, in pre-cana dialogue, navigating disagreements is centered around prayer, humble communication, and discernment together as a couple. That’s all well and good, except that most couples are going to fight and argue in spite of the idealistic strategies offered to them. 

Even the most agreeable personalities and the most prayerful people are likely to find themselves in a heated situation with their spouse. Perhaps there are a select few who enjoy a conflict-free relationship, but I would venture to say that these are very few and far between.

The blissful honeymoon butterflies fade, the tempers rear their ugly heads, and the frustration finally reaches a boiling point. In these moments, I firmly believe there lies a vastly important opportunity to practice the masterful art of arguing.

Consider the extremes within relationships. There are families that know all too well the pattern of explosive fighting, verbal abuse, and volatile insults. The cyclical battles are bookmarked with rage. It is an experience of combat. 

On the other hand, there are families that seem to never so much as argue. When spouses disagree, they go behind closed doors to hash it out. At their worst, passive aggressive comments and bottled up emotions are the sacrifice paid to keep the peace at all costs. An experience steeped in false peace. 

In my own reflection, I recognize both extremes would leave my children with a void: a poor example of how to argue well. Either they think that all disagreement leads to shouting, or they do not experience disagreements at all. I want to model how to argue with civility and compassion for my children.

It is unnecessary for a couple to wait for children before engaging in healthy conflict. In my own season of life, my children are an inspiration—alongside my lifelong desire to honor the dignity of my husband in good times and in bad. 

I want my children to watch me lose my temper, take a few deep breaths, and be humble enough to lower my tone and apologize in the moment. 

I want them to watch me disagree with my husband, explain my irritation without an ounce of character defamation, low blows, or insults. 

I want them to see me take a break and pray by myself when I get too heated to continue, and come back calm.

I want them to witness me laughing, joking, bickering; to notice a quickness to hug and kiss and move on--showing them disagreements do not need to escalate. 

I want them to listen as I respond to feedback and humbly admit when I’m wrong.

I want them to experience my husband and I making big decisions in private, and presenting a united front. 

I want them to know that if they disagree with a choice I have made, I am willing to explain my actions and thought processes. I want to be receptive to hearing how I can be a better mother, to model being a lifelong learner with integrity amidst overwhelming emotions, problems, and secular conflict.

I don’t want my children to grow up with a perfect marriage as their model.

I want my children to watch me grow and fight the good fight in the midst of life’s messy business. I want them to see an incarnational way of living that is quick to forgive, quick to laugh, and centered on bringing Christ to the ugly and mundane parts of home. I want them to experience a real, breathing, sanctifying, holy marriage. 

Life is hard, and my children will inevitably come into conflict. When they do, or when they experience an unpleasant argument with their own spouse someday, I want them to be familiar with the art of arguing—with grace, respect, open-mindedness, and forgiveness—just like they saw when they were kids.

About the Author: Theresa Namenye studied Humanities, Catholic Culture, and Philosophy at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She lives in Scottsdale, AZ with her husband Garrett and their children Leo and Aislin. When she isn't teaching fourth grade, she loves blogging, painting, and enjoying the outdoors.

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Spring is in Bloom | Recognize the Buds in your Life and Prepare for a New Beginning

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STEPHANIE FRIES

 

I walk outside and sense a simmering energy on the verge of explosion. You can feel it, smell it and see it. In fact, in many ways, you can even taste the anticipation. 

As a resident of Japan, it is impossible to avoid the hype of cherry blossom season. The “sakura”--the five-petaled, baby pink flowers--have started to bloom! With the start of springtime comes the start of all the seasonal weather, events, festivals, and flavors. (You want sakura-flavored ice cream? Got it. Coffee? We can make that happen. Kit Kats? Done.) 

It’s amazing to see how the Japanese culture is deeply embedded in the ever-changing seasons. Whenever the trees shift into a new phase of life, there is a new celebration for the gifts of the present moment. With anticipation and a timely response, everything shifts in unison to embrace the current season. 

This responsiveness to change is a metaphor to how we can adjust to changes in our lives, in our relationships. There’s no denying that our relationships move in and out of various seasons. Of course, some circumstances arrive suddenly or even as a complete surprise. But as the bud on a tree foreshadows the coming of spring, a personal new beginning can often be anticipated as well. 

To await change with a spirit of celebration is an attitude I have not-yet mastered. Made in the image of God, we are created with an intrinsic craving for infinity. Yet in our humanness, we are invited to embrace the ache of starting and stopping which magnifies this desire for the eternal.

Many circumstances of intimate relationships come with expectation: the transition from dating to engagement to marriage; the birth of a child; a military deployment or homecoming; a spike of demands at work; holidays, vacations, or time with extended family. 

Recognizing the buds of change in your life enables you to prepare for a new beginning. 

When spousal relationships transition into a different circumstance, it is helpful to adjust the method and means of communication. How, when, and why we communicate must flow in tandem with the ever-changing seasons of our lives. Being proactive with the effects of change can diminish the challenges of transition.

I am striving to shift my role in and purpose of my own marital communication as our lives continue to grow and change. 

As we’ve begun caring for our first baby over the last few months, my communication has become more direct. I’ve had to be intentional about stating my needs--for love, help, and collaboration--in a way that is unfamiliar and, honestly, uncomfortable. But the outcome has served us well as we navigate this sacred time in our family. 

As we prepare for a deployment in the coming months, we constantly discuss what kind of communication can support both our intimacy and our companionship. Phone calls, email, Facebook messenger, FaceTime, and the occasional snail mail each serve a unique purpose in how we stay in touch while we are apart for long periods of time. 

The movement in-and-out of seasons will look different for every relationship. The way we anticipate, prepare for, and respond to the fluid dynamics of a relationship will also vary on an individual basis. 

In the same way the Japanese look to the earliest signs of change and adjust their flavors and customs to enrich the present time, we can acknowledge dynamic change in our relationships and prepare intentional adjustments to support each new beginning.  

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband and daughter, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal…with dessert. Read more

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How to Love Lapsed Catholic Family Members Through Your Wedding

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LAURA McALISTER

 

Your wedding Mass is one of the most special and important moments in your life. In this Mass, a bride and groom make an exclusive, total, and lifelong covenant to each other: to love each other faithfully; and by God’s grace, raise a family together.

It is a moment that you want to share with your family, your friends, and your community. But tensions may rise when you desire a Catholic wedding, yet close family members are not practicing the Catholic faith..

How can your wedding Mass express both love for God and faith as well as love for lapsed Catholic family? 

Pew Research indicates that over half of all adult Catholics in the US have left the Church. While some still consider themselves culturally Catholic, others have abandoned the Church entirely. Some have very positive feelings about the Catholic Church, but others really struggle with the Church—and may well struggle with your decision to be married in the Church they left.

For many of us, lapsed Catholics aren’t statistics. They are our mothers and fathers, our brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Perhaps you’re the only practicing Catholic in your family.

It is important to plan your Nuptial Mass with your family in mind. This doesn’t mean compromising your dreams of a truly Catholic wedding, let alone abandoning your convictions. 

It means finding ways to love your lapsed Catholic family. It means making them feel welcome and included in the Mass. Ultimately, it means extending the loving welcome of Christ who is always standing at the door, knocking at the human heart’s door and calling us back to himself.

Include Your Family

As much as possible, include your family members in the Mass. The most important thing, Jesus tells us, is that we worship God in spirit and in truth. The Mass is the supreme worship of God because in the Mass, we offer the Eucharistic sacrifice of Jesus back to the Father, as he pours his graces on us through the Holy Spirit. 

A wise rule of thumb is to ask people to do things they actually believe in. If your brother doesn’t believe prayer works, invite him to participate in a way other than praying aloud with your guests. If your aunt doesn’t believe the Scriptures are inspired by God, consider others to do the readings.

This not only safeguards the integrity of the liturgy as an act of worship; it also means your family members are not “forced” to “act religious” in ways that might be hypocritical to them. 

There are still non-liturgical aspects of the Mass your family can participate in without compromising either the sincere worship of God or your own convictions. 

For example, your dad can walk you down the aisle, your sister can be your bridesmaid, or your cousin can sign the Wedding Register. None of these is explicitly religious, yet these acts are all ways to include your family in the Nuptial Mass.

Be Patient and Bold

In some ways, having non-Catholic family members might be easier than lapsed Catholic ones. Most of us tend to be more polite and accepting of new things; we don’t want to be seen as difficult or intolerant. When we think we understand something, however, we can be more cutting or even intolerant.

Blessed Fulton Sheen said, “There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”

Be very patient and understanding towards your family. Understand they may have wounds or deeply personal struggles with the Church. Unfair though it may feel, inviting them into the Church for your wedding may bring up these tense emotions. Be an image of Christ, open and willing to hear their stories.

Pray for small opportunities to witness to Jesus. Share the meaning behind your decisions. You might be surprised where your conversations end up!

Explain Everything

Always start with the assumption that family members have no idea what you’re doing—even if they themselves were raised Catholic.

For a Catholic wedding, a beautiful and informative Wedding Program is essential. In the program, clearly mark when to sit, stand and kneel. Include all the prayers and responses for the wedding guests to follow. You can also ask the priest to guide the congregation when to sit and stand.

Explaining everything might seem overboard when you’re familiar with the Mass, but it’s a simple way to love others. No one wants to feel confused or left out at a wedding!

Pick your Battles

Even if you can explain something in the Mass, you still need to be aware of how things will come across.

For example, the traditional reading or epistle for the Nuptial Mass is Ephesians 5: 21-33, which begins “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” This verse is often misunderstood! 

You and your fiancé might love this passage and understand it in the light of Christ’s radical and self-sacrificial love. But your mom may not. Chances are, lapsed and non-Catholics may simply shut down when they hear language like that.

There is a time to insist on the fullness of the Catholic faith, and there is a time to be prudent. When planning your wedding Mass, keep your guests in mind as you strive to reveal God’s truth and love in every decision. Be Clear but Gentle about the Eucharist

There are some battles you might have to fight—or at least be willing to plant your flag. The supreme gift of our faith is the Holy Eucharist because it is Christ Himself, made truly present under the forms of bread and wine.

Under Church law, only baptized Catholics in a state of grace may receive Holy Communion. Depending on your family and their experiences, some lapsed Catholics will still receive Holy Communion even when they shouldn’t. Others might want to receive, but remember that, under Church teaching, they cannot. Still others might have no desire at all.

Be as clear and charitable about this as possible. Many couples place a small note in their wedding booklets about who can receive Holy Communion. Others ask the priest to clarify who can receive Holy Communion. In the end, your effort can go towards being both hospitable and transparent about Church teaching; any final judgement is not your responsibility. 

Pray for Your Family, including Deceased Family, in the Mass

Finally, pray for your family. Pray for them throughout your wedding preparations and during the Mass itself. 

Pray they will encounter Christ anew and return to the Church. Pray that God will bless and heal them.

Pray publicly for your family in the Nuptial Mass, including deceased family members. Your lapsed Catholic family might not get teary-eyed over your favorite Palestrina or share your devotion to Our Lady, but they will always be touched by your prayers and concerns for them. 

And remember: however much we love our families, our Father in Heaven loves them infinitely more.

About the Author: Laura McAlister is an Australian Catholic freelance writer and history-lover. She lives in Sydney and iis engaged to a handsome Irishman, whom she met while studying Medieval History in Ireland. Laura blogs about her struggles with prayer and perfectionism at Craving Graces. In her spare time, she loves chatting about Jane Austen, mysticism, and gender roles over tea and biscuits.

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New Year's Resolutions for Catholic Brides + Couples

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Happy New Year from the team at Spoken Bride! 

The start of a new calendar year elicits a natural motivation for new habits, routines and goals. Whether you are embracing the new year in solitude or in collaboration with a significant other, the Spoken Bride archives offer a variety of ideas to kick start a fresh resolution.

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: FIAT PHOTOGRAPHY

 

How are you being intentional at the start of a new year? Share your ideas with our community on Instagram and Facebook. 

How Marriage has Changed my Heart

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STEPHANIE FRIES

 

A trusting relationship has the power to transform a person from the inside-out. 

Throughout childhood, I had learned to utilize different strategies to protect my heart. “Don’t let the other team see you cry after a hard game,” and “Be a listener and not a sharer while on retreat” were specific lessons I learned. 

This kind of self-preservation was well-intentioned because we don’t always know who we can trust with our hearts. Unfortunately, this self-preservation inhibits authentic, intimate relationships with those whom we can trust with our hearts. 

If we could draw the spectrum of vulnerability, one side would represent the extreme of  self-preservation. Meanwhile, the other side would represent the extreme of complete transparency and exposure without boundaries. Somewhere in-between is a holy middle ground where we encounter authentic relationship with a balance of boundaries and vulnerability. 

Through the vocation to married life, two become one. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden, spouses stand emotionally exposed, “naked,” in a completely reciprocal offering of self and reception of the other. 

I was not ready to infuse my life to another on the day I met my future husband. Though I would have felt safer learning how to love and be loved in isolation, God began to bring my heart closer to that middle ground through relationship. 

Learning to love and be loved in a trusting relationship has completely transformed my heart--both in hidden and visible ways. The most obvious outward sign of love’s tenderness on my heart is through tears. 

I cry more than ever before! And I can’t blame hormones or the time of the month. Experiencing a purity of trust, desire, love, and empathy has exposed me to a greater breadth and depth of emotion. Rather than fearing and hiding the movements of the heart, I have begun to feel them with freedom. Tears are a sign of a new sensitivity because my heart is more fully alive.  

Many of the Gospel stories involve a physical journey on a path from one place to another; this is a visual and physical metaphor for the internal journey we are called into as we become like Christ. Growing in holiness is an active process of movement, growth, and change. Holiness is in no way static.

For the man and woman united in marriage, the experience of sharing their lives is the pathway toward the narrow gate. Regardless of where you are on the journey-single, dating, engaged, or married--God calls you to holiness. Every season of life presents an opportunity for growth and transformation from the inside-out.

The fruits of the Holy Spirit--love, joy, peace, faithfulness, generosity, patience, kindness, self-control, and gentleness--have transformative power. When received in one’s heart, the seeds of this fruit implant new growth. In turn, the one who received the seed becomes fruitful in their own life and love. 

In what ways has your heart transformed through love? Have you experienced an outward expression of this transformation? Share your experience with our community on Facebook or Instagram.

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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How to Support Engaged or Newly Married Catholic Couples

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CLARA DAVISON

 

People are created for community. For many engaged and newly married Catholic couples, community includes others in a similar stage of life. 

Over the last year-and-a-half since getting married, my husband and I have attended six weddings--and have many more on the calendar for the coming year! Suffice to say, wedding planning and marriage conversations are an ever-present aspect of our lives and the lives of those around us. 

As friends have approached us for advice as they prepare for their wedding day, my husband and I have discovered a new depth to our marriage. Through many conversations, both separate and together, we have enjoyed sharing and supporting others in their journey toward a Catholic marriage. 

Whether you are single, engaged, or married, we summarize four ways you can support other Catholic couples during their engagement and through their first year of marriage: 

Let the couple know you are praying for them—and pray for them

Continually reassure a couple of your prayers during their engagement and leading up to their wedding. This is an exciting yet stressful time in their lives and the assurance that they have friends continually lifting them up in prayer is so important. 

Whether it is praying a novena leading up to their wedding day, offering a special prayer on their monthly anniversary, or just saying a quick Hail Mary when you think of them, prayer is always an important way we can offer support to our couple friends. 

Ask about the less “exciting” and more serious aspects of wedding prep

Weddings are an exciting time and many people will ask about details  like dress shopping and gift registry ideas. But the more serious and important aspects of wedding preparation, such as pre-Cana, do not always receive the inquiry and reflection they deserve. 

Often, Pre-Cana classes and premarital counseling can be stressful for a couple as the magnitude of “to have and to hold ‘til death do us part” becomes a reality rather than a cute wedding tagline. During our engagement, it was difficult to find someone to talk to as I processed the more serious aspects of our wedding and marriage. 

Create space for your engaged friends to discuss the serious parts of preparing for marriage. Ask thoughtful questions to help draw the couple into meaningful conversations beyond just weddings flowers and bridesmaids’ dresses.  

Look for ways to serve the couple during the wedding day

Everyone loves weddings! It is a joy to see people you care about take this big step together; and really, who doesn’t love an excuse to dress up and gather with family and friends? But in the midst of the joyful celebrations, it can be  easy to forget that the couple can feel they just ran an emotional marathon. 

Leading up to my wedding, I was told jokingly that I wouldn’t get a chance to eat at my reception. To my surprise, I found this was the reality as I visited with guests. With this memory in mind, I always try to approach the bride and groom a few times throughout the day with offers of food, water, and an offer to run errands or fetch forgotten changes of shoes! 

Continue to reach out through the first year of marriage

After the wedding day, the marriage is only beginning. The wedding day is filled with family and friends offering love and support, but sometimes it is easy to forget that the couple needs support throughout their marriage. 

I try to reach out and offer support to newlywed couples throughout the first year of marriage, inviting them into conversations about the  ups and downs of early married life. Transitioning into married life is different for every couple, but regardless, support and love from friends is always appreciated.  

There are so many ways to support the couples around you in their engagement and first year of marriage! The primary focus is to simply be available and intentional in your relationships. 

What are some ways you have received or shown support to engaged couples or newlyweds? Share your experience with our community on Facebook or Instagram.

About the Author: Clara Davison has worked as a whitewater raft guide, sex trafficking researcher, U.K. Parliament researcher, swim coach, and freelance writer. She currently works in Brand Management and lives with her husband in North Carolina.   

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The Integrated Journey | Men and Women Reveal Each Other's Beauty

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STEPHANIE FRIES

 

Men and women are created equal but different. Both share an equality of dignity, yet possess unique qualities apart from the other. Through the lens of the married vocation, men and women are invited on a journey to integrate their complementary masculine and feminine qualities in order to help each other grow in purity and perfection. 

Previously published reflections on the feminine and masculine genius establish some of the qualities born into the hearts and souls of men and women. Expanding on these qualities by looking at their complementarity will help us understand how men and women are called to use their inherent gifts to love and serve the other.

PHOTOGRAPHY: RED FERN PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTOGRAPHY: RED FERN PHOTOGRAPHY

As we relate our own being to Adam and Eve, through the creation story in the Garden of Eden, we recall how Adam was created from the external world while Eve originated from man’s innermost being. These different origins yield different natures for men and women; man is attuned to the external and woman is attuned to the internal. 

This reality takes shape in many different dynamics of the human person and human relationship. By taking a closer look at how men and women are invited on a journey of integration pursuing holiness together, we focus on a specific function of this mystery of complementarity: 

Through his origin in and attention toward the external, man shows woman the beauty he sees of her body. Through her origin in and attention toward the internal, woman shows man the beauty she sees of his heart. 

Men and women often differ in their attractions and affections. (And, consequently, men and women often differ in their greatest temptations to sin.) These differences are not meant to stand against each other in conflict; rather, these differences are the design of God for man and woman to unite and grow through authentic love.  

Through the sacrament of marriage, men and women are invited to enter into vulnerability and intimacy to see the depth of their spouse and to be seen by their spouse. The more we are seen, known, and loved—the more we are called beautiful in our spiritual and physical nakedness—the greater our capacity to love and be loved. 

In his presentations of the Theology of the Body, Saint John Paul II speaks in depth about attraction, love, lust, beauty, wonder and mystery. He echoes the romantic poetry of the Song of Songs as he recognizes and affirms that the human person is attracted to beauty. In support of the complementary role of man and woman as they reveal beauty through their complementary union, Saint John Paul II writes,

“It is possible that the bridegroom...expresses more directly the beauty of the bride… with the eyes of the body; The bride by contrast looks rather with the eyes of the heart through her affection.”

Even more, we may more clearly understand how men and women are called to help each other grow in love by acknowledging patterns of brokenness, fear and sin in our world.

Where women struggle with self-image or eating disorders, men have the God-given strength to see woman’s authentic beauty, love her in her weakness, and help her grow in virtue. Where men may act in violence out of a fear of being too emotional or too sensitive, women have the God-given strength to see man’s authentic beauty, love him in his weakness, and help him grow in virtue. 

We find the answers for growth, healing, and love through Jesus, the new Adam, and Mary, the new Eve. They model perfect unity of body and soul, the masculine and feminine, man and woman. They show us the perfect integration we are destined to in heaven.

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Scripture and Science Reveal a Masculine Genius

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STEPHANIE FRIES

 

Pope John Paul II’s Apostolic Letter Mulieris Dignitatem defines a feminine genius as four innate qualities of the dignity and nature of woman: receptivity, sensitivity, generosity, and maternity. Though self-reflection is a powerful tool for growing in intimacy with God, self, and others, reflecting on the origin of man may also yield a stronger union between the masculine and feminine in a spousal relationship. 

Saint John Paul II did not write an apostolic letter defining a masculine genius; however, Scripture and science help us understand what it means to be a man and identifies qualities which are undeniably masculine. 

Recognizing the innate qualities of man may help us see, know and love our spouses as they live with courage according to God’s call for their lives. 

Creation in the Garden of Eden 

On the sixth day of the creation story, God created man and told him: “Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and all the living things that move on the earth.” Eventually we hear, “The Lord God then took the man and settled him in the garden of Eden, to cultivate and care for it.” This story depicts the vocation of man, as a man. 

Man is expected to live in harmony with God and his creation while having dominion over the Earth. After the fall to sin and throughout human history, this original good can be twisted into an ego-driven dominion and self-seeking control. Yet we must recall man in his origin: created as good, in the image of God, with an inborn yearning for holy authority. 

Man is also told to cultivate and care for creation. Man is equipped with the responsibility of managing and protecting all of God’s creation. After woman joins him in the garden, Adam maintains his role as leader and protector in their relationship and their environment, their home. 

Adam falls to the temptation of sin and the same will be true for the men in our lives. Our responsibility, as women, is to see and love the essence of their goodness in an effort to inspire him towards sanctification. 

Man’s Body Tells a Story 

The physical, anatomical structure of man’s body in relation to his responsibility to “be fertile and multiply” reveals even more about the masculine genius. 

In regards to physical intimacy and procreation, man’s body is created to initiate and offer a gift of himself. Where woman is created ready to receive, man is created ready to give. 

This physical reality is not only relevant to the physical intimacy, however. Man is designed to initiate and to be the head of the household—the domestic church of the family. 

Man’s means for physical union is outside of his body. From the beginning and throughout time, he is naturally more attuned to external reality than internal emotions. In a group of men and women, how often do men congregate and discuss work, sports or hobbies—the external world—while women come together and discuss matters related to personal relationships and the heart? 

Men and women are invited to experience perfect complementarity in their union of external and internal, head and heart, realistic and emotional. 

Several secular-looking traditions may have deeper roots in this spiritual reality. Consider how “old-fashioned” it is for a man to ask for a woman’s number, to pay for dinner on a date, to go one one knee and propose marriage. These gender norms are not meant to stifle women in an inferior way; rather, these practices echo the desires of the hearts of men and women in the most appropriate and empowering way. 

Marriage between man and woman mirrors the union between Christ and the Church. In these spousal unions, we recognize the parallel call for man, Christ, to become a total self-offering and for woman, the Church, to be wholly receptive to the gift. 

Science and the Brain 

Brain development and scientific fact supports the reasoning behind the masculine genius. Dr. Greg Bottaro, founder and director of the CatholicPsych Institute, writes, “There is less connectivity between the right and left hemispheres in the male brain. This allows for greater compartmentalization. At the same time, there is actually more connection between the front and back of each hemisphere in the male brain… Men are better at spatial organization and abstract thinking… These qualities dispose a man to make decisions and solve problems that are related to the external environment.” 

The scientific evidence related to brain development, hormones, physical development, procreation and child-bearing radically support the traits of the masculine genius discussed above. 

In his origin, man is very good. By original sin, man falls from his goodness and into temptation. We, women, have a beautiful opportunity in our call to see the heart of a man, love him for who God created him to be, and empower him to fulfill his vocation as man on the journey toward sanctification. 

For additional reading about the feminine genius, previous posts on Spoken Bride highlight what it means to be a woman in the context of Bridesmaid’s Dresses, Friendship, Last Names and more.

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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