The Habit of Affirmation
/CARISSA PLUTA
My husband and I recently formed a little, yet powerful, habit that has strengthened our marriage in more ways than one.
PHOTOGRAPHY: CAITLIN RENN PHOTOGRAPHY
Each evening before bed, we say what about the other we were thankful for that day.
We began this nightly practice after noticing that so many of our miscommunications and little arguments stemmed from the fact that we sometimes forget, especially during difficult seasons or long days, the love and affection the other holds for us.
So instead of waiting for those moments when one of us struggles to see it clearly, we make an effort everyday to remind the other that they are seen, known, and loved.
We were amazed at how a seemingly small gesture can transform a relationship.
Intentionally and regularly affirming your spouse creates an environment of thanksgiving, encouragement, safety, and love in your home. It can do so much to deepen the emotional bonds between two people.
Affirmation fosters gratitude. It has opened my eyes to see even more of the good in about my husband, and made it easier for me to respond to his goodness, even on bad days.
Recognizing and affirming the good in my husband has helped me view, not only my marriage, but my everyday life through the lens of thanksgiving. It has made me more thankful for all of the gifts I’ve been given and see all the ways, big and small, in which God is working in our life and marriage.
Having reminders that you are appreciated and valued in your home and family, especially from a trusted individual, can also provide some much needed encouragement in your pursuit of holiness in this vocation.
After affirming one another, both my husband and I feel more empowered to wake up in the morning and love each other the way we vowed to.
Affirmation can allow you to see yourself through the eyes of your beloved, and can help root out the lies you’ve begun to believe about your identity as a wife, mother, and most importantly, daughter of God.
These benefits can only be reaped with practice.
At first affirmation can be difficult to give and to receive, but with time and habitual repetition you will find that it gets easier.
General affirmations (ie, “you’re such a good husband/wife”) can do wonders for a weary heart; however, more specific affirmations are often more meaningful and memorable so try to be specific when acknowledging the goodness of your spouse.
And don’t be afraid to receive affirmation with a gracious heart. Don’t try to brush it off or play it down.
Establishing this habit has spoken truth into our life and relationship, often at times when we didn’t even realize how much we needed it.
