Eucharistic Adoration: The Best Marriage Prep

KATHERINE FINNEY

When I was in college, I took a class called Christian Marriage. There are many nuggets of truth I still remember from that class, almost nine years after I took it, and one of those is the reality that marriage preparation begins way before engagement.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

This is not a really novel idea. In fact, even if you’ve never heard this statement before, you could probably understand why and how it can be true. Marriage preparation begins as early as (and even earlier than) infancy. 

From the beginning of our lives, we are given opportunities to accept and understand our vocation to holiness. Our parents or the people who raise us teach us what love is (and often, what love is not). Our surroundings and the people we know all contribute to our preparation for our vocations to single, married, religious, or ordained life (and ultimately to our greatest vocation of holiness and unity with God in heaven). 

That is why I’m suggesting that all of us, particularly those of us who are single and discerning our vocations on earth, do our best to make Eucharistic adoration the foundation of our everyday lives.

Here’s what I’m thinking--if our surroundings and our actions leading up to our vocation to marriage all contribute to our marriage preparation, it would only make sense to make Eucharistic adoration the center of all of it. 

We certainly can (and probably should) try to educate ourselves on the theology and philosophy behind Christian marriage. We should also do our best to really try to understand the challenges and blessings that arise in the life of a Christian married couple.

But ultimately, the one thing that will truly center us on our vocation to heaven is spending time with Jesus. 

If the Eucharist is really the source and summit of the Christian life, there is nothing that can prepare us better for our particular vocation to married life than spending time in the presence of the Eucharist. It’s that simple.

I don’t feel like I need to give you a lecture about why or how you should make time to spend with Jesus in the Eucharist (partially because I’m not always great at this, and partially because we’re still in the middle of a pandemic and many of us can’t even be near Jesus in the Eucharist), but what I can offer is my own experience. 

Eucharistic adoration has always been what has brought me back to a thriving relationship with God. 

When I was a freshman in high school, I experienced my first Eucharistic adoration, and the instant Jesus was brought onto the altar I knew my life was never going to be the same. 

When I was in college, if I was homesick or stressed, going to Jesus’ presence in the Eucharist always made me feel like I was home. It was the one place I could go to ease my anxiety. 

Almost every morning for the first year of my first job as a teacher, I stopped to pray in the Eucharistic chapel; I needed to start my day centered and feeling calm, so it was the perfect place to fill up for the day.

When I got engaged, it was in front of Jesus’s Eucharistic presence exposed in the monstrance. I think my husband knew that I’d want to make what would probably be the biggest decision of my life in front of Jesus.

It didn’t bother me that it seemed like a Catholic cliché to get engaged in adoration. It was just what my heart wanted and needed.

My husband and I decided that for the night of our wedding rehearsal, we would start the night off in Eucharistic adoration. Thankfully one of his best friends and groomsmen was a deacon at the time and was able to expose the Eucharist for us. 

All of our closest friends and family, the people who would be standing next to us on the altar on our wedding day, were there before the Lord that night. We prayed together and were all gathered with the intention of truly centering our hearts on the real reason for the love we were about to celebrate.

Our love for Jesus in the Eucharist has carried over into the way we live out our Sacrament of Marriage. 

It makes sense that the decisions we make and the surroundings we have growing up all play a part in our preparation for our earthly vocation. If Eucharistic adoration isn’t yet a part of your routine, I highly recommend that you make it a regular part of your life. 

Whether you’re single, married, discerning religious life, or confused about what is the right path for your future, spending time with Jesus and soaking in his presence will always be just what you need.

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About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

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5 Ways to Be Intentional in a Season of Transition

KATHERINE FINNEY

Throughout the short five years I’ve been married, my husband and I have moved four times in three cities--spread across different regions of the country, he’s been through three stages of medical training and job relocation, and we’ve had two kids--with one on the way. That’s a lot of transitions.

PHOTOGRAPHY: HORN PHOTOGRAPHY

Transitions are a normal part of relationships, but they can really wear us out and add a lot of unnecessary stress to our lives. I believe that if we approach transitions with intentionality—that is, with a sense of conviction and preparedness about how to handle transitions well—we will find a lot of grace hidden in the middle of the chaos. I’ve brainstormed a few ways to be intentional with your beloved during a major period of change:

Pray for each other. 

This seems obvious, but it’s often the thing that goes out of the window first. Wake up a little earlier (even if it’s just five or ten minutes), go to bed a little later, pray in the car out loud, whatever you have to do to make prayer a priority in this time. 

When everything else around you feels like it’s changing, there’s Someone who isn’t. Our relationship with God is the most important thing in our lives, and that doesn’t change during times of transition. Make it a priority to talk to God about the changes, and surrender the things that feel out of your control to him. Without prayer, you won’t be able to have a way to re-center; things will feel overwhelming, and temptation to despair will be very strong. You may find yourself despairing your relationship with your spouse. 

You may begin to doubt your own abilities as a capable spouse, parent, employee, etc. In order to keep these doubts and discouragements away as much as possible (because they’ll come no matter what sometimes), we need God to show us who he is and to show us who we are in his eyes. This comes through daily intentional prayer.

Be patient with your spouse. 

Look for ways he/she is still the person you fell in love with, no matter how much time has passed. Maybe you fell in love with your spouse’s ability to hold a captive audience in a group of people. Maybe you fell in love with his/her love of dancing or reading or fine art. Perhaps your spouse makes you laugh the most of anyone you know. Look for the ways your spouse still possesses these qualities and remind yourself that this person is still the person you fell in love with. 

It may feel like everything else around you is changing, including yourself and your spouse, but reminding yourself of who your spouse really is to you will help you stay united in the midst of the changes.

Try harder than before to speak your spouse’s love language. 

Leave notes for him/her if it’s words of affirmation. If it’s physical touch, give him/her a big hug after a long day of work. If your spouse really needs acts of service, look for ways to help that you know he/she would appreciate. Sometimes stepping outside of our own worries and anxieties to serve others really puts things into a positive perspective for us and helps us to stay less focused on ourselves and our own sorrows and more on what really matters.

Pick up some of the slack around the house (if you are physically able). 

There will be seasons when you are the one in need of help around the house; if that’s the season you’re in, embrace it. If, however, your spouse is the one primarily going through the changes, voluntarily pick up the slack around the house before it becomes a point of contention for you both. 

Sometimes I find myself waiting for my spouse to change a diaper or do the dishes, and I end up resenting him when he’s too busy to do it. Often I need to change my perspective and notice the things he is already doing to help. More often, I have an opportunity to be merciful and steadfast in my duties. If I can do this voluntarily and preemptively before resentment starts to grow in my heart, I find a lot of grace to do things I otherwise would deem too difficult.

Get your spouse (and maybe even yourself) a treat. 

My husband loves when I make him a homemade cocktail. That’s easy enough as long as we have the ingredients. Maybe some flowers or a thrifted book would be a good way to show your spouse you’re thinking of him/her and enduring this time of transition together. Brainstorming ideas for this can be fun too!

Overall, times of transition are often just really difficult. Sometimes we’ll feel like we have a good grip on what’s going on, and other times we’ll just need to ride the chaos until we feel settled again. Don’t forget to pray, and everything else will take care of itself.

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About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

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A Vocation Story | Kat

KATHERINE FINNEY

For the majority of my adolescent life, I believed I was called to religious life. 

Whenever I heard the song, “Here I am, Lord” I believed it was written for me, about my call to religious life.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KASSONDRA PHOTOGRAPHY

Growing up, most of my friends considered me the “holy” or “faithful” one. I was the one no one wanted at their birthday party, because I was the “goody-good,” the one with a strict moral compass. If I didn’t do it, who would? Jesus said, “The harvest is abundant but the laborers are few.” Of all of the young people I knew, someone had to step up to the call of religious life. If it wasn’t going to be me, who would it be?

This sense of obligation, this fear of doing the wrong thing was, unfortunately, one of the greatest factors that led me to believe marriage couldn’t be the right path for me.

Along with the sense of obligation, I thought I knew very few “holy” (or what I believed to be holy) married couples in my adolescence, and I had made very poor relationship choices in high school; with this in mind, I believed marriage was a recipe for failure. I just couldn’t understand why anyone who really wanted to be a saint would want to get married.

The day after I graduated from high school, I went on a discernment retreat with the Dominican Sisters of Saint Cecilia in Nashville. They’re contemplative teachers. I felt called

to teach, and I frequently prayed for hours a day in adoration. I am also the daughter of a musician, and music is a passion of mine. If there was an order for me, this was it. 

When I went on retreat, however, I felt so uneasy and restless. I spoke with one of the sisters about my concerns. She pointed me to the story of Simeon. He waited his whole life at the temple to meet Jesus. When he met him, he knew immediately that this was the one he’d been waiting for. She prayed with me that I’d have my own “Simeon moment” when I encountered the vocation to which Jesus was calling me.

That whole summer after high school was filled with fear about the future. Would I be abandoning the call for more laborers in the vineyard if I didn’t join a religious order right away? Was I running away from my calling because I had one restless weekend on a “come and see” retreat? 

Even as I felt all of this fear, Jesus reminded me of his devotion to me. In my scariest times of discernment, in my biggest heartbreaks, he was there. He listened, he quietly nudged, he always kept his heart open to mine. With frequent, almost daily adoration and regular reception of the sacraments, discernment, over time, became less about the big picture, adn more about the next step. Less about, “What is my vocation?” and more about, “Where do we go next, Jesus?”

Over time, my vocation discernment slowly drifted away from a fear of doing the wrong thing to a movement forward in love.

After I discerned that perhaps I wasn’t called to religious life right out of high school, I started dating my first serious boyfriend. He showed me that love can be pure, an idea that was wounded by my high school relationships. He took me on the coolest, most extravagant dates, showing me that I was loved and deserved better than what I had been looking for. Jesus used him to heal some of my deepest wounds and fears about marriage. Ultimately he was not the right person for me, but he was the next right step in my discernment process.

I dated another person in college, and when that ended I was heartbroken for a while. But Jesus was there in adoration, listening, nudging, whispering that he had something great in store in his timing. Months later, I met my (now) husband, Jonathan. 

On our first date, I had a moment when I thought, “I am going to marry this man.” There it was. My Simeon moment. I didn’t want to call it that because I was still pretty afraid of heartbreak. But underlying that fear there was a deep peace, a calm stillness, a confidence that I had never encountered before.

Three nights before Jonathan proposed to me, I had a bit of a meltdown. My sister had gotten engaged that day, and for some reason all of my fears about choosing the wrong vocation came flooding back to me. 

I knew Jonathan was thinking of proposing, so I wanted to express my fears to him. What if I am called to religious life? What if I chose the wrong vocation? Jonathan listened to all of my fears. He sat quietly for a while after I expressed them to him. He asked me how I felt when I’m with him. Do I feel joy when I’m with him? Do I have peace? He told me he’d never pressure me to be with him. And he told me that Jesus is in the peace, not in the fear. Jesus is the voice that speaks encouragingly to us, not condemning us for doing the “wrong thing” when we genuinely seek to do his will. I knew the Holy Spirit was speaking these words through Jonathan. Again, I experienced a Simeon moment. This is the person I want talking to me when I’m afraid. 

“Yes” to Jonathan was the next step. The peace was there, the fear was calmed. This, in my experience, is true vocation discernment.

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About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

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Wedding Planning | Incorporate Unique Traditions from your Favorite Cities

KATHERINE FINNEY

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast.

Have you ever been to a wedding and witnessed a tradition you’ve never seen before? This is one of my favorite things to look for when I attend a wedding ceremony. 

Since no two couples are exactly alike in interests, personalities, and family character, no two weddings are exactly the same. Wedding ceremonies (and receptions, if you’re able to have one) are a pinnacle expression of both a couple’s love and their style, charisms, family and cultural backgrounds, and their favorite traditions; guests get to see and know the couple in countless ways.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SOUL CREATIONS PHOTOGRAPHY

When my husband and I were planning the logistics of our wedding ceremony and reception, we thought about each detail as an expression of ourselves. For example, we prayed individually about what readings we should use for the ceremony, then came together to decide which meant the most to us and why. When I designed a cake topper for the groom’s cake, I incorporated elements from our personal lives: the groom was dressed like a doctor and the bride, a teacher. 

My husband and I are annoyingly proud of the fact that we are from New Orleans. We’ve spent all of our married life living in cities other than New Orleans, yet we always talk about how much we love the city and it’s inviting culture. Friends from different parts of the country came to our wedding, and we were eager to show them the best parts of our hometown. 

We knew we had to incorporate a second line, a traditional dance first used in New Orleans funerals but later incorporated into wedding celebrations. It is usually led by a brass band--the first line--with the congregation dancing and processing behind the band. Without question, the food had to be centered around cajun and creole food. We incorporated cake pulls--a tradition popular in the South but primarily in New Orleans; the charms on the end of the cake pulls represented different New Orleans symbols (like a saxophone, a Mardi Gras mask, a king cake baby) and assigned traditional cake pull meanings to each of them. 

If your hometown doesn’t have unique wedding traditions like a New Orleans second line or a Pittsburgh cookie table, you could incorporate traditions from cities you love or places that are part of your love story--or come up with your own tradition that shows your guests something about who you are as individuals and as a couple. Brainstorming and planning unique traditions is an opportunity for creativity and self-expression; it can be as simple as a poetry reading or as complex as a choreographed dance performed by you and your bridal party.

Below, I share some outside-the-box ways to begin thinking about incorporating unique traditions from your favorite places as another way to share your heart with your wedding guests.

1. Research local wedding customs for your or your fiance’s hometown, the city where you’re getting married, where you met, where you will live together, etc. 

2. Ask for help from your venue coordinator, wedding planner, or even your church wedding coordinator. They can give insight into some of their favorite local customs, but they may also let you attend a wedding from clients in order to witness these traditions in person. 

3. Research famous authors and/or artists from your town, and decide if you can incorporate some of their work into your reception. There may be a really inspirational line from a play, poem, song, or other art piece that you discover, and can honor the city’s heritage through their work. 

4. Incorporate a song of a different language into your wedding liturgy. Music can be one of the most profound expressions of charism, character and, ultimately, praise to God.

5. Pray before an image of Our Lady or another saint from a meaningful city or country. This can be done before or after the ceremony. Some of my favorite wedding pictures capture my husband and me praying before the patroness of New Orleans.

The key thing to remember is this: the most important detail is that the Sacrament is received. Your guests will get an illustrious depiction of who you are and how you love each other simply by witnessing this. In this experience alone, they will be able to pray for you and with you--the most meaningful wedding tradition of all.

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About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

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Staying Strong When your Spouse has a Demanding Job

KATHERINE FINNEY

My husband is in his 28th year of school this year. Yes, you read that correctly. He is 32-years-old and is currently a fellow at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, which puts him in his 28th year of receiving some sort of formal education. 

When we got married, I thought the idea of being married to someone in residency would be like a fun adventure. I knew his schedule would be crazy, but I figured the challenges of this state of life would be something we could have fun tackling together. Reality has turned out to be quite different from my expectation. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADI MYERS-COOK PHOTOGRAPHY

I am no expert in being married to someone in training. I’m really no expert in marriage either. But I have been married for five years, and in every one of those five years my husband has been in medical training; my only experience of marriage has been as a wife of a resident (and now a fellow). Goals have been accomplished, but we’re still struggling through training. The light is getting brighter and closer, but the darkness behind us can still be a little hard to reflect on.

If I could give myself advice before entering into marriage with someone just starting residency (or any transient stage of training, continued education, etc), I’d say the following:

Pray. 

This is a Catholic blog, so it may seem necessary to include prayer. But here’s what I mean. There will be times when you will wonder when will be the next time you can sit down and have a meal together. There will be times when you feel like you don’t even know who the person sleeping next to you is anymore, because you never see him/her. In these times, you may feel numb and want to give up. I beg you to pray. Pray in a particular way to tangibly receive the graces of the Sacrament of Marriage. This prayer will be answered, and you will know it when it does. Praise God in those moments.

Make sacramental prayer a priority and habit. 

Again, an obvious recommendation for a Catholic blog. But again, without the grace of the Eucharist and the healing power of Confession, how do you expect to be able to receive the graces of your Sacrament of Marriage? Go to Jesus in the Eucharist, because he will be the one to get you through the hardest patches of this trying time.

Let go of expectations, and let go of comparisons. 

You may know a couple or couples in similar situations as you. They may even be Catholic, prayerful people. Do not live your life by comparing your relationship to theirs. Do not expect yourself to keep up with their timelines (of having kids, buying a house, achieving goals within residency/training).

Every couple is different and is called uniquely to their specific vocation. Every couple has different emotional, mental, physical struggles and strengths. Your way of doing things can be different than couples in similar situations to you. The only people who should be involved in a couple’s decisions should be the husband, wife, and God--and helpful spiritual directors/advisors as you see fit. Residency is hard enough to get through without the pressures of expectations you place on yourself to keep up with what others are doing.

Find a support system. 

Surrounding yourself with a community of support, especially if you’re away from family or are having children, is vital. Being away from family with small kids is no joke. When your village is far away, find people who can be your village. Be a village for them too. If possible, find couples in similar situations who are also far from home, so that you can support each other during holidays, postpartum recovery time, or extended periods away from family.

Remember your mission. 

You have been called to serve or to heal. Remember you’ve been called to something greater than yourself. I find that when I view the challenges of being a resident’s wife as part of my missionary call, I’m more inclined to embrace the challenges rather than to run from or resent them. The challenges don’t get easier, but they have purpose when I look at them as part of a greater call.

I asked my husband if he had anything to add to this, from the perspective of both the husband and the trainee/doctor in the situation. Here’s what he had to say:

Go on dates, at least once a month!

Residency (and parenthood) are roles that demand tremendous amounts from an individual; the external pressures can make it all too easy to neglect your marriage. Don’t let that happen! Initially, I tried to connect with my wife while I was also doing something else (preparing for the next day, cleaning the dishes, changing a diaper). But there is something about undivided attention and unquestionable intention that is so much better.

When we started going on dates more consistently, I noticed a huge improvement in our relationship together as well as an improvement in our interactions with the kids. If you are a parent, find some other parents that are looking to go on dates, and do a parent swap to save money on babysitters.

Take time to pray daily. 

During training, I found this to be very effective on the way to and from work. I pray on the way to work every day, which allows me to center myself and be committed to providing the best care possible for my patients before seeing them. Praying in my car after work also provided a timely transition to recap the day—what went well, what didn’t go so well, and what can be done to improve things--before being present to my family.

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About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

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Meet Our New Team Members

As we at Spoken Bride strive to continue sharing the truth, goodness, and beauty of Catholic marriage, we are grateful for each of you: the authentic, faithful women who support and participate in our mission.

Today, it’s our pleasure to introduce to you the newest team members who are joining us in carrying out this mission in a tangible way. To learn about the entire Spoken Bride team, read more on the About Us page.

Maria Luetkemeyer, Twitter Manager

Getting to know Maria: My life is all about weddings at the moment! I am blessed to be working with Spoken Bride. My older sister, Emily, is the founder and creative force behind Pillar & Pearl Gifts, a Spoken Bride vendor. My older sister’s Katie recently got engaged, and I am preparing to be a bridesmaid in both her and my best friend’s weddings—God is clearly at work in the world of Catholic marriage!

My favorite saint and devotion: I have a special love of Saint Augustine, kindled by reading his Confessions, and a newfound devotion to the mystery of the Divine Mercy.

A quote I always turn back to: “It is necessary to go through dark and deeper dark and not to turn.” (The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo). Akin to walking through the valley of the shadow of death, it is crucial to embrace the cross of our sufferings of this life to bring us to deeper union with God.

Some personal highlights of COVID-19 quarantine: My older sister got engaged—talk about a light in the darkness! Quarantine has unexpectedly bonded my big, beautiful family together. We’ve been loving having meet-ups of every kind, be it over Zoom or socially distanced cookouts. Also, I have finally started reading the Diary of Saint Faustina for the first time!

Melissa Pfeifer, Instagram & Facebook Feed Manager

Getting to know Melissa: I have always loved to travel and explore, and grew up going to visit family in Ecuador. Since we’ve been married, my husband and I have visited 3 different countries—Norway, France, and Kenya. Of course the experiences are all wonderful in their own respects, but I found attending Mass in these unfamiliar parts of the world incredibly moving.

My favorite saints: Mother Teresa, though St. Ignatius and Sts. Zelie and Louis are important to me as well. 

Bible verses I always turn back to: “Where you go I will go” (Ruth 1:16); ”With God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26); ”Be still and know that I am God” (Psalms 46:16)

Some treasured memories of COVID-19 quarantine: Since we’ve been in quarantine, I’ve had more time to get creative with my candle shop on Etsy. I’ve completely changed the shop’s look and feel and am so excited for customers to try my new candles.

Janisse Valenzuela, Instagram Stories Manager

A fun fact about Janisse: My husband and I got married on the feast day of St. Zelie and Louis Martin, July 12th, 2019, we have a special love and devotion to these married saints. Praying for their daily heavenly intercession for our marriage and all marriages in the world. 

My favorite saints: Apart from the Blessed Mother, Pope John Paul II, St. Zelie and Louis Martin, St. Joseph, and St. Therese of Lisieux..... these are my favorite heavenly friends!

A quote I always go back to: "Perfect love passes through the total and constant gift of oneself” (Saint John Paul II). Any Pope John Paul II quote is my favorite! He is seriously my favorite theologian and philosopher of all time! 

A new hobby during COVID-19 quarantine: Cooking homemade meals, taking virtual live cooking classes, and watching cooking Youtube Videos. We are traveling the world by cooking new cuisines every week; so far we have made Mexican, Italian, Indian, Greek, and Asian dishes. 

Theresa Namenye, Contributing Writer

Getting to know Theresa: I love being busy with good things. The more packed my schedule is, the more I thrive and the more I accomplish. Rest feels good to me when it's balanced with a lot of hard work. Quarantine is difficult for me in this regard. But like all things, I have to see it as an invitation to learn new ways of accomplishing goals and seeking the true, good, and beautiful without a normal schedule. 

One of my favorite devotions: I have come to enjoy praying the Rosary of Divine Mercy Chaplet on runs outside. 

Quotes I always turn back to: "In my deepest wound I saw Your glory, and it dazzled me." (Augustine); "We do not need wings to find You." (Teresa of Avila)

Something I’ve learned during COVID-19 quarantine: I wouldn't call it a new hobby, but I've become pretty good at Google classroom and online lesson planning  in quarantine. It is a sorry substitute for the joy of a real classroom but it's still a way to connect with my students every day. 

Maggie Strickland, Contributing Writer

A fun fact about Maggie: My parents got married on my grandparents' 28th wedding anniversary and we got married on my parents' 28th wedding anniversary - instead of one big cake, we had 10 smaller ones and my parents & grandparents each had their own cake cutting to celebrate their anniversaries.

My favorite saint: St. Therese of Lisieux

A quote I always turn back to: "Remember: the holiness of 'little things' done well, over and over again, for the love of God" (Servant of God Catherine Doherty)

A new hobby during COVID-19 quarantine: I've dusted off my sewing machine and started working on sewing clothes since quarantine started.

Kat Finney, Contributing Writer

A fun fact about Kat: I am always ready for karaoke.  Note:  I did not say I am always good at karaoke.  I am simply always ready for it.

My favorite devotion: I have a devotion to Our Lady of Prompt Succor, who is patroness of New Orleans.  It has been through her intercession that New Orleans from fire, battle, and natural disasters.  We invoke her intercession in all times of need, particularly now in this time of pandemic but also throughout the months of hurricane season.

A quote I always turn back to: This is going to sound pretty cliché Catholic of me, but my favorite quote to live by is "Let it be done unto me according to thy word" (Luke 1:38). It's engraved on my wedding band, and when I read it I am reminded that God has greater plans than I could ever have for myself.

Something I’ve learned during COVID-19 quarantine: I've been struck throughout this quarantine with the reminder that there is so much to appreciate in the everyday normal.  I don't think I realized until these past few months that I don't have to look far to find fulfillment and joy.

Gen Allen, Contributing Writer

A fun fact about Gen: One day, I hope to be the patron saint of library delinquents. 

My favorite saints: St. Francis of Assisi and St. Mary Magdalene

A quote I always turn back to:  “Those were the Rommely women...They were all slender, frail creatures with wondering eyes and soft fluttery voices. But they were made out of thin invisible steel.” (Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn)

Something I’ve learned during COVID-19 quarantine: My family planted some flowers and herbs together! I have a black thumb, but we’re learning! 

Bridget Busacker, Contributing Writer

Getting to know Bridget: I started playing the violin when I was 9 years old because I watched the movie, "Singin in the Rain" and there's a classic scene of a cheesy violin duet. Once I saw it, I was inspired to play and begged my mom to let me try it! She wasn't so sure, but I ended up taking lessons for many years—including some lessons in college and during my first year of marriage, too! 

My favorite saint and devotion: I have a devotion to my confirmation saint, St. Therese of Lisieux! I didn't start having a devotion to her until a few years ago when I read about her parents and learned more about her family life. I had some misconceptions about Therese and thought she was kind of annoying (can I say that about a saint?!) until I realized we had quite a few things in common (so, does that make me annoying, too?!). Ever since I started learning more about her, I find her in the most random places around town and in churches - even when traveling! She is now a dear heavenly friend to me.

A quote I always turn back to: "Though we may travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

A treasured memory from COVID-19 quarantine: I've been enjoying time with my new daughter and my husband and I have been playing more board games together. A new favorite: Hive! 

Rhady Taveras, Vendor Coordinator

A fun fact about Rhady: My favorite season of the year is autumn!

My favorite devotion: I particularly love praying the rosary on Sundays with my fiance. Reflecting on the Glorious Mysteries always brings us so much joy!

A quote I always turn back to: Too many to choose from! I have a running list, but in the midst of everything happening in the world, I've felt God constantly whispering "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) in my ear. That verse has always kept me grounded, but lately it's been a beautiful reminder to trust in His greater plan. 

A treasured memory of COVID-19 quarantine: My parents have never played board games before. So, my sister and I decided to introduce them to some classic games during quarantine. They love it so much that we've been playing board games as a family every single night! 

Emily Brown, Podcast Manager

Getting to know Emily: I was a ballerina most of my life, so I love to just break out dancing sometimes! I am also a seasoned musician, and play the piano, pipe organ, violin, and viola; so classical music is totally my jam while I’m cooking dinner or doing work. And finally, I’m an avid outdoorswoman. I love being outside (especially at the beach!) enjoying God’s beautiful creation!

My favorite saints: St. John Paul II and St. Gianna

A quote I always turn back to: “Pray, Hope, and don’t worry!” (Saint Padre Pio)

Some treasured memories of COVID-19 quarantine: The mornings my fiancé and I woke up early to watch the sun rise on the beach and we stood in the water for hours And, my future mother-in-law and I really bonded over watching Downton Abbey together! Many evenings have been spent enjoying an episode with conversation and giggles and popcorn! 

"The Best Things Happen While You're Dancing"

KATHERINE FINNEY

One of my favorite Christmas movies (I have about 37) is White Christmas. There is some timeless wisdom sprinkled throughout the whole movie, but one of the most memorable lines is actually the name of a song: "The Best Things Happen While You’re Dancing.” For my husband and me, this happens to be true about the entirety of our love story, and it holds true for us even to this day.

PHOTOGRAPHY: JOY-MARIE MENDOZA PHOTOGRAPHY

The first week or so after I started to take a romantic interest in my now husband Jonathan, I decided enough time had passed since I met him for me to do a thorough Facebook stalk. The very day I chose to stalk him online, a news story had been released by a local news station featuring none other than this Jonathan Finney, spotlighting his dance moves as a medical student working in Children’s Hospital. 

Apparently when film crews were filming the king of a Mardi Gras parade meeting children at the hospital, a live brass band was playing, and Jonathan took it upon himself to break into dance. The film crew took such interest in him that they decided to do a story on him. Imagine my stomach turning with delight as I stumbled across this video of Jonathan, dancing skillfully and doing his best to entertain his adolescent patients. If there was any chance for me to not be interested in him at that point, it rapidly evaporated after watching that video.

Fast forward a few weeks: Jonathan invites me and a group of other people to go dancing at Rock ’n’ Bowl, a local bowling alley with live music. Eventually, as the night went on and our friends left, Jonathan and I were the only two who remained. We danced and talked until the bowling alley closed. 

At one point, while we were dancing, a lady dressed in denim-on-denim (my hero), danced past us and asked if we were married. “If you’re not married, then you should be. You two belong together.” We laughed and kind of joked about it after she went away. We didn’t admit it to each other until way later in our relationship, but we both felt like we agreed with her. 

The best things happen while you’re dancing.

Our wedding reception could be classified as one big dance party. (I should preface here and say that most Catholic weddings in New Orleans typically have the same people and the same kind of good dancing music, so they’re all pretty much one big dance party.) New Orleans weddings are unique in that there is usually not a sit-down dinner. As a guest, you arrive at the reception, grab your food and your cocktail, wait for the bride and groom to show up, and then everyone starts dancing. There are usually no toasts, though sometimes there are short toasts from parents of the couple or the couple themselves. 

At our wedding, we had no cute introduction of the bridal party, no bouquet or garter toss, no other extra events other than the cake cutting. We wanted everyone to just let loose and have fun, particularly through dance. Dancing was what brought us together, and dancing was what we wanted to do—what we wanted everyone we loved to do—all night of our wedding.

I’ve been reflecting on what it is about dancing that makes us so happy. Scripture mentions dancing as a direct response to experiencing great joy and praise for God. “You changed my mourning into dancing; you took off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness. So that my glory may praise you and not be silent. O LORD, my God, forever I will give you thanks.” For my family, singing and dancing have been a natural response to blessings in our lives.  

Dancing to good music has been educational for our kids. They have learned rhythm, genres, fight songs (very important to my husband), and memorization. My child may not know how to spell “cat,” but she can sing the entire LSU Tigers fight song—which includes the spelling of “tigers,” so that’s got to count for something.

Singing and dancing have not only been a response to blessings, they have been blessings in themselves.

Recently I found myself caught up in an unspoken anxiety about everything going on in the world today. Only over the past few days have I found myself really thinking about how much I’ve been emotionally affected by it. Only recently have I surrendered my feelings about it to God. 

A few days ago, my kids and I were listening to one of our favorites, “Pumped Up Kicks,” when Jonathan came out of his “work from home” quarters. He said, “This is a good cha-cha dance,” and he started to move to the rhythm of the music, holding his hands out for me to join him in the dance. As I took his hands, I realized we hadn’t danced holding hands together in a long time. It felt like, even if just for two minutes, we were young again, we weren’t caught up in the middle of a pandemic. Just for a moment, we could have been newly dating, finding excitement in our relationship as we tried to find our step together.  

We danced as a new couple. We danced the whole night away at our wedding. We danced when we signed on our first home. We danced when we left that house for the last time. We danced when we tried to get our first newborn baby to sleep. We danced as a family when that baby’s sister joined us at home for the first time. We’ve danced while decorating for Christmas, we’ve danced when we’ve been stuck at home in a pandemic, and we’ve danced when we didn’t feel like dancing. The best things happen while you’re dancing. I recommend you try it.

We’ve updated our Spotlfy Playlist “Uplift | For Uncertain Times” with some of Kat’s favorite sing-along, dance-party classics to offer a mood-boost or song of praise to persevere through a difficult season. 

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About the Author: Katherine (Schluter) Finney is proudly from New Orleans, Louisiana, currently living in Nashville, Tennessee while her husband Jonathan finishes fellowship training. She and Jonathan have two daughters, Miriam (3) and Joan (18 months). Kat taught high school religion for four years and has worked for Catholic high schools for six years. She currently stays at home with her two daughters, and she spends most of her time styling hamster play-doh hair and cooking some kind of creole dish for dinner.

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When You and Your Sister Are Both Engaged

KAT FINNEY + GENEVIEVE ALLEN

Do you have not just your own wedding drawing near on the calendar, but that of someone else you’re close to?

Kat and Genevieve are sisters who got engaged within three days of each other and were married in the same year. “Wedding planning together was one of the sweetest experiences of our lives,” shares Kat, “but it can also come with some challenges.” For other women planning their weddings at the same time as their own sisters, family members, or close friends, we’re honored to share the fruits of these ladies’ wisdom.

Practical Considerations

Photography: Sabree Hill Photography, seen in Katherine + Jonathan | New Orleans Traditions Wedding

In Kat’s words: One of the more obvious benefits to being engaged at the same time as your sister is the mutual experience of planning for one of life’s biggest moments. You get to giggle over wedding magazines and dream about the future together. It’s like that time you marched down the aisle of your shared bedroom together, humming “da da da dum” and wearing veils made of curtains, only it’s real. Take some time together to go to lunch and let it sink in that this is really happening. Take pictures. Toast each other. Soak it up.

A great practical benefit of getting married around the same time as my sister was familiarizing ourselves with vendors in the area. You might consider working with wedding vendors who offer referral packages, should you both choose to book with them. We used many of the same vendors, not only because we liked what they had to offer, but also because many of them had referral offers in exchange for spreading the word about their businesses.

One possible downside: we were concerned since our weddings were in the same year, our guests would have déjà vu once they went to the second wedding. The key when using the same vendors is to stay true to your own taste. It was very tempting for me to just copy all of Gen’s décor, simply because I knew she had great ideas and her wedding would be beautiful. But even though I loved everything about Gen’s wedding and the details she chose, I would have been untrue to myself if I hadn’t gone with my own choices. Never compromise your own style, even when your bestie’s is temptingly gorgeous.

Photography: Marroquin Photography, seen in Genevieve + Dalton | Holiday Rock 'n' Bowl Wedding

In Genevieve’s words: Kath and I even had some of the same bridesmaids, so we tried to be conscious of cost when making choices for our bridal party. That's at least two dresses, showers, and bachelorette parties your favorite girls might feel pressure to pay for, so consider what investments could be optional. For example, does it really matter that all of your bridesmaids are in heels? No. So request that your girls wear nude shoes, but don't specify a style. If you want everyone in the same kind of jewelry, provide that as your bridesmaid gift.

Lots of these little things won't actually matter to you in the end, but they can provide big savings for some of the most important women in your life. I actually wish I hadn't been so firm on the color of bridesmaid dress for my wedding, because I now love the trend of mismatched but coordinating gowns. This cost consideration goes for wedding guests, too. If you have a registry, include a wide range of items and price points. Whether you’re getting married in the same year as your sister or not, this is a considerate thing to do.

Things to Do Together and Apart

Kat: One of the best decisions Gen and I made was to scheduling our own individual dress appointments, as opposed to trying to find our dresses at the same time. The first time we ever tried on dresses, we decided we’d go and both look together. It would kill two birds with one stone, right?

Sabree Hill Photography

Wrong. We ended up not really being able to shop well, each wondering if our sister was going to want the same dress or bringing dresses off the racks for each other while forgetting to look for ourselves. We hated every dress we tried on that day and felt discouraged after leaving. This may not be how everyone experiences shared dress shopping dates, but both of us highly recommend making separate appointments. The main reason is it takes the pressure off and allows you to better dote on your friend or sister as she shops for her gown.

Marroquin Photography

Genevieve: Ultimately, this day is about you, your future spouse, and your marriage. It can be easy to forget about that when you’re covered in bridal magazines and fabric swatches. Some things, like choosing shoes or wedding jewelry, are naturally going to be better sister activities.

Most wedding decisions and preparation, however, should be focused on you and your spouse. You probably will be able to identify which wedding tasks your fiancé won't care too much about, but give him the opportunity to make decisions with you before assuming he won't be interested. For example, I knew my fiancé cared not at all about flowers, so this was one aspect of planning Kath and I had a great time tackling together.

Keeping It Prayerful

Kat: We suggest saying a novena together in preparation for your weddings. Obviously this can be done with your fiancé, but it can also be done with your bestie. Nothing is more important in the wedding planning process than spiritual preparation. And when you know you have the spiritual support of your best friend, it can be a real source of grace and inspiration during a potentially stressful time.

Gen and I both took different routes for marriage prep within the Church. It’s good to recognize that your relationship and your sister’s are different, and that no one option is a “best” choice; there’s only a best choice suited to you and your fiancé as a couple.

Sabree Hill Photography

My fiancé and I met regularly with the deacon at the church where we got married, along with about a dozen couple-to-couple meetings. I couldn’t recommend this more, especially if you know a couple you admire and if you have the time to meet. This brought up so many difficult questions that we were able to answer before getting married, and we had tons of fun with the couple who guided us. The downside to this route is if you don’t know the couple leading you or have trouble relating to them, this could be a very dull, drawn out, and frustrating process, so the Engaged Encounter weekend may be better if you don’t have a mentor couple in mind.

Genevieve: My husband Dalton and I chose to do an Engaged Encounter instead of a mentor couple. We liked the idea of being isolated in a retreat-type setting for our marriage prep, away from distractions.

Marroquin Photography

I could probably write an entire book on the pros and cons of that weekend. Overall, it was very meaningful. We learned a lot about each other, ate bad retreat food, prayed for our future family, learned an overview of NFP (luckily we had our own Creighton instructor to fill in the rest), and generally felt a lot more prepared for marriage. If you have some hurdles to overcome prior to your wedding day--differences in faith practices, family of origin issues, or questions about Church teaching, the couple to couple option might be a more fruitful experience for you.

Finally, try to resist the temptation to compare your engagement, wedding, or relationship to that of your sister and her fiancé. We have found the best way to overcome this is to simply love and want the best for each other. Prayer can help with this, and so can open communication with your future spouse and your sister.

I found that my biggest point of comparison with Kath was actually our rehearsal dinner speeches. Her toast was the perfect blend of humor and emotion, and even as she was delivering it, I was regretting that mine wasn’t as good. I had to try to let that feeling go quickly because I wanted to enjoy the moment, but I’m still kind of jealous, even now! That girl can give a speech.

The joyous swirl of wedding planning is made even better when you are experiencing it with your sister. No one can better understand why you might feel the need to burst into tears when you finally find the perfect cake topper after hours of browsing on Etsy. No one is better at letting you know when you might be veering off into Bridezilla territory. No one's smile will be bigger when you finally walk down the aisle. Well, your fiancé's smile should probably be bigger, but yours might be almost as big.

Visit, or revisit, Kat and her husband Jonathan's wedding here and Genevieve and her husband Dalton's, both rich with New Orleans traditions, here.

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About the Authors: Genevieve and Katherine are sisters and best friends from New Orleans, Louisiana. Gen is the older sister, a nurse and lactation consultant living in Louisiana. Kat is a former high school religion teacher who now stays at home in Pittsburgh with her daughter. Gen loves to stay inside and cozy up to a good book; Kat loves to be outside and to do karaoke with her husband. Gen is the introvert; Kat is the extrovert. Since they live far away from each other, they use their blog, The Sister Post, as one way to keep up communication lines and to share ideas and stories with each other and their readers. The purpose of their blog is to empower women to share in a common sisterhood; they see each other as their best resource, and they hope by sharing their own ideas, tips, and stories, other women will be uplifted by the online sisterhood they've created.

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