Editors Share | Strategies for Gift-Giving

Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and acts of love; store-bought, homemade, experiential and meaningful—there are so many opportunities and strategies surrounding gift-giving. What traditions do you and your spouse have in giving and receiving gifts?

With the holiday season around the corner, the Spoken Bride team reflects on different approaches they have used for reciprocal gift-giving with their spouse and family. We hope our reflections affirm there is no right or wrong way to offer an act of love.

We would love to hear your approach to gifting! Share your personal reflections with our community on Facebook and Instagram.

Andi Compton, Business Manager

We don’t really have any traditions for gift giving, it usually depends on the budget and what we need. In the early years we had a strict budget for $50 per gift (for each other), but now we just have one big gift budget for us, the kids, and family that we play around with. For birthdays we tend to do outings, using Groupon whenever possible. Matt got me a nighttime kayaking trip to watch the fireworks in the harbor for my birthday and it was a lot of fun. We ended up doing a big family trip for our 10th anniversary that we hadn’t really planned on, but everything came together and the kids are begging to do it again. Lately we’ve been replacing things for our anniversary: last year it was a new blender and vacuum, this year he got me a new showerhead and I got him a cast iron griddle and a spice for when he makes apple pie (it’s the gift that keeps on giving.) And we’re going to try another cooking class together! 

I buy all the Christmas presents except my own, so Matt usually goes all out and gets me something I wouldn’t normally by myself such as new pajamas, a peacoat or boots. It really helps that I keep a detailed spreadsheet of gifts and outings from the entire Advent and Christmas season because it can be so hard to remember that we need a little gift from Santa for our Christmas party, St. Nicholas gifts, Christmas gifts, and gifts from the wise men all times 5 for our children. Plus extended family gifts! 

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

My husband and I are still building traditions surrounding holidays and celebrations as we continue to establish our budget, our love languages, and our desires for exchanging gifts or sharing experiences. For our most recent first wedding anniversary, we debated sticking with the traditional “paper” gift, leaving it open-ended, or allocating money to take a weekend vacation together. In the end, we did a mix of all three. He brainstormed a weekend getaway and I offered him a gift to start a new hobby (involving paper!). 

We don’t have a set plan for gift-giving yet, and that’s okay (I still appreciate the spontaneity and flexibility depending on the year and our budget)! As we prepare to celebrate various holidays in this season of life before children, I enjoy having conversations with my husband about the traditions we want to establish and why, with the hopes they will continue--and expand--as our family grows. 

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

My husband and I are less than 2 years married, so we haven’t built any strong gift-giving traditions--but I have learned to be okay with that! For our first anniversary, he surprised me with a 24-hour romantic getaway to the Grand Canyon, and I bought him a few small gifts I thought he would find useful. At first I thought my little wrapped presents paled embarrassingly in comparison with his surprise trip, but he loved each one because I had taken the time to think of his needs.

One of my favorite things to buy my husband for birthdays and holidays are Groupons. We’ve done horseback riding, boat rides with dinner, and more. In fact, he was so in love with an online barista/bartending course I bought him (for $2!), that he started pursuing mixing drinks as a serious hobby. He’s steadily learning all the different kinds of liqueur, has a nice bar set, and a thick bar book with recipes and inspiration. Plus, I’ve gotten a lot of tasty, fancy free drinks in the process! 

Danielle Rother, Pinterest Manager

I think spousal gift-giving can be somewhat challenging at times, especially as a wife. I just think, in general, that buying gifts for men is more difficult than buying gifts for women. For my sister or other girl friends I can easily think of cute feminine products that are not too expensive that women always love — such as bath bombs, makeup brushes, eye shadow, earrings, scented body lotion, perfume, candles, etc. Unfortunately, there really isn’t a male equivalent to some of these easy, affordable, staple gift items.

Luckily, my husband has an active Amazon.com wish list that he keeps up to date and I frequently refer to it when buying a gift for him for his birthday, our anniversary, a Christmas gift, etc. Currently, my husband has been interested in a book series that is 8 volumes called Sacrae Theologiae Summa. Since I know he is interested in collecting the whole series sometimes I will get him one of those books as a gift for his birthday or another occasion.

But many times, instead of buying a physical item as a gift, we will also use our money to have fun experiences together. One year, for St. Valentine’s Day, I got my husband concert tickets to see Eric Whitacre and it was an experience both of us thoroughly enjoyed! Earlier this year we went to see a Jim Gaffigan comedy special and we are also planning to take a trip to Walt Disney World in January 2020 as our wedding anniversary gift to each other. Many times, I prefer the shared experiences together — which turn into lasting memories we can fondly look back on.

Catholic Gift Ideas for the First Five Anniversaries

CARISSA PLUTA

I’ve always loved the traditional “themes” that go along with your wedding anniversary and enjoy the challenge of coming up with a gift idea to go along with it.

PHOTOGRAPHY: HER WITNESS

Finding the perfect gift for your spouse isn’t always easy, so here are some thoughtful and uniquely Catholic ideas for the first five anniversaries:

First Anniversary: Paper

Spiritual bouquet: This gift idea is a favorite of mine. This thoughtful idea allows you to physically show your husband your prayers and sacrifices for him. There are several ways you can go about putting your spiritual bouquet together and you can even invite your family and loved ones to join in.

Framed Print: Beautiful Catholic prints and artwork like this St. John Chrysostom Print or this St. Josemaria Escriva print from our shop, would perfectly fit this theme for your first anniversary and fill your home with even more beauty.

More Here: First Anniversary Gift Ideas

Second Anniversary: Cotton

T-Shirt: Cotton shirts make a laid back but fun gift for your significant other. You can buy functional, everyday shirts or switch it up with a cool (and Catholic) graphic t-shirt like the Beloved and All the Days of My Life tees in the Spoken Bride Shop. 

New sheets or a quilt: Your bed shouldn’t just be the place in which you go to sleep each night, but a sacred space. It is where your vows are made flesh and should be adorned in a manner fitting of such a high honor. New cotton sheets or a custom quilt would help turn your bedroom into a sanctuary.

Third Anniversary: Leather

Leather bound Bible or Liturgy of the Hours: I love leather bound books, don’t you? You can buy a leather bound Bible or the set of Liturgy of the Hours for your spouse (and you) to use daily. These sturdy books will hold up well over the years and would make a great addition to your family’s sacred space.

Leather prayer journal: Does your spouse like to journal as a form of prayer? Buy a leather journal for him to take with him to the chapel for holy hour. 

Personalized Leather Tray: A leather tray to hold your wedding bands, keys, or spare change would make another good option for your third anniversary. You can even have it personalized with a meaningful quote or verse from your wedding mass readings. 

Fourth Anniversary: Fruit or Flowers

Custom painting of your wedding bouquet: If you have a photo of the bouquet from your wedding, you can find an artist to make a custom painting of it for your home. It serves as a beautiful reminder of that special day (and would last much longer than real flowers would). 

Marian Garden: Clear a spot in your yard and plants flowers around a statue of Mary. While this isn’t exactly a simple, one-time gift, it gives you something to watch grow and flourish as the years go on.

Fifth Anniversary: Wood

Crucifix: A wooden crucifix would remind you of your call in marriage to self-giving love, and make a beautiful and meaningful addition to your bedroom or sacred space. 

Wood beaded rosaries: Wooden rosary beads are also a good (and spiritually edifying) option for this anniversary. 

The Spoken Bride vendor guide features many talented Catholic artists and craftsmen and can help you find other gift, art, jewelry, and photo options for your upcoming anniversary. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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Reflections on 10 Years of Marriage

ANDI COMPTON

By the grace of God, my husband Matt and I have now been married for 10 years. We were married on one of Our Lady's feast days, and she really took care of all the details that day and throughout our honeymoon. Twenty-one year old Andi had no idea what the next decade of her life would bring, but standing here on the other side, I’d love to share with you some insights I’ve gained through it all.

Pray for each other unceasingly.

Thank God on your knees for the gift of your spouse and your vocation. Invite him into your decisions, large and small. Even a simple prayer of, “Lord, help me be a good steward of our money while I grocery shop” helps us keep God at the center of our thoughts and reminds us where all our blessings flow from.

There will be seasons.

Some years are just amazing, completely full of grace and tangible joy. Others have felt like overwhelming dark valleys where we’re just barely hanging on together. This is why I love the part in the traditional vows where we promised to love each other for better or worse. Because there really will be better and worse days and seasons.
 

Stay close to the Church.

Make Sunday Mass, Holy Days, and confession a priority for your family. Even on vacation. Even when you have to split up and take kids to different masses. Even when it seems pointless, just go and give yourself to God. Try to go to confession once a month and make a date out of it. If it becomes a habit now, it’s much easier to incorporate kids into the routine later on.

New identities and roles take time to get used to.

It takes awhile getting settled into a new identity as a wife (or a husband) and to set healthy boundaries with family and friends. It’s all trial and error. For me, the two hardest adjustments were learning how to have a roommate and checking in with my husband before making large purchases. As an only child who lived at home until marriage, I’d never really learned how to share my space with others, and I had no idea of all the work it takes to take care of a home (bills, maintenance, cleaning, cooking, and more). I even joked with Matt that we should just get a bunk bed so I didn’t have to share my bed with him. Fast forward to ten years later and I can’t sleep if he’s not there!

Embrace NFP, especially when it's hard to do.

Natural Family Planning has been a real gift to us despite it being something so counter cultural and, some days, a huge spiritual battle for me to want to stick with it. Every couple will have a different experience during different seasons, and I want you to know that it’s okay.

Some couples will choose never to use NFP, joyfully accepting children if and when they come. Others will struggle immensely to abstain during fertile times but know it’s a cross they have to bear for a season. And then there will be those who honestly don’t struggle as much with abstinence and, due to circumstances have to abstain for months or years at a time. I’ve experienced all of the above situations and it’s likely you and your spouse will encounter a wide range of emotions towards how God is calling you to use NFP for the moment. And that's alright.

So long as we hold to the truth that God is in charge of our families, use our best discernment through prayer--individually and as a couple--and bring in a spiritual director if needed, we can make the best decisions for our families.

Learn to be vulnerable.

It takes time and patience to trust another person 100% with your spiritual life, emotions, sexuality, possessions, and the parts of your personality the rest of the world doesn’t see. There have been times in our marriage where that trust has been broken, and when we had to show love for one another by asking forgiveness and working towards complete vulnerability once again. Couples therapy can be a wonderful tool, and there is absolutely no shame in asking for help when you need it.

I think the wedding toast we’ve prepared for our kids pretty much sums up our thoughts on marriage: “May you be a slave to one another, but most of all to Christ.”

What’s one thing you’ve learned in your months or years of marriage that you’d like to share with other brides and wives?

Photography: Rae and Michael Photography | Shoot Location: Rancho Buena Vista Park, Vista, CA | Cake: Mili's Sweets | Andi's Apparel: Shirt, J. Crew. Necklace, Loft. Dress, Adrianna Papell. Shoes, Sam Edelman.

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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