The Unplugged Nuptial Mass: What It Is and Why It’s Valuable

JIZA ZITO

In our digital age, it’s common to see wedding guests with smartphones or devices in hand. Everyone is excited to witness the joyous event, and with technology (and creative wedding hashtags), we are able to immediately share the day’s highlights with friends, family, and followers.

Photography: c/o Studio Senn

While it is a great gift to instantly capture and share images instantly, the constant presence of devices can also be a source of distraction and can prevent us from fully experiencing the moment. Hence, the coined phrase: the unplugged wedding.

What is an unplugged wedding?

An unplugged wedding is when the bride and groom request that guests refrain from taking photos and videos with their devices during the wedding ceremony--and sometimes the reception, as well. This includes--but is not limited to--smartphones, iPads, and digital cameras.

While it may initially seem off-putting and forward to make such a request, here are some reasons to consider an unplugged wedding Mass, and tips for making that request charitably.

Less distraction, better images

As a wedding photographer, there have been numerous times in my career when guests have obstructed an important image. Most guests like to snap a photo when the bride walks down the aisle, for instance, and during the exchange of vows, the kiss, and procession out of the church. I’ll never forget the wedding I shot where right as the bride’s father shook hands with the groom after walking his daughter down the aisle, a wedding guest got up from her seat and stepped directly across me in order to grab a shot with her cellphone.

The exchange itself between the groom and the father, as the bride looked on with a smile, was beautiful. The image, however, now has a very obvious fourth person--and her cellphone--in the frame. For me as a photographer, it was disheartening. At the end of the day, your photographer only wants to give you and your spouse the very best photos, ones you can cherish for the rest of your days.

So, although Uncle iPhone or Aunt Samsung Galaxy mean well with their desire to take a few photos, requesting an unplugged wedding is a good option if you don’t want them and their devices to make it into the sidelines of your album images.  

Getting the most from your investment

Part of hiring a wedding photographer is trusting he or she will do the job well. Your photographer is working as a professional, and you are putting forth a good investment to ensure they will capture all of the important moments of your day. Depending on your photographer’s contract, there may also be a section stating there must be no other photographers at the wedding.

If you happen to be doing a live stream of your wedding Mass for a family member or loved one who cannot be physically present, be  sure to let your pastor, photographer, and videographer know.

Mass is a time for worship

Our Catholic faith considers the Mass to be the highest form of prayer. If non-Catholic guests are attending, it’s a perfect opportunity for them to experience the beauty of the Mass and to learn more about the faith. By being present at Mass, we directly encounter Jesus Christ in his Real Presence, in the Most Holy Eucharist. The Eucharist is the source and summit of our Christian life (CCC 1324).

So, with all the angels and Saints, we are worshipping God in a very tangible way at Mass alongside the bride and groom. With an unplugged wedding, we not only give the couple our attention. More importantly, we’re better able to give God our full attention through our worship.

"When you’re a guest, your job and privilege is to witness and pray." - Claire Watson, Claire Watson Photography, Spoken Bride Vendor

How to request an unplugged wedding?

If you and your fiancé opt for an unplugged wedding, it’s helpful to give your guests a heads up .

Spoken Bride vendor and calligrapher Sarah Erikson of Sarah Ann Design shared this simple note in her wedding program:

"To preserve the spirit of worship, please refrain from all cell phone use (including photography) while inside the church.”

Other ways to communicate your expectations are asking the priest or a loved one to make an announcement before Mass, displaying an attractive hand-lettered sign before the church entrance, or sharing the information on your wedding website and in your Mass programs.

What are your thoughts on having a unplugged wedding?

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About the Author: Jiza Zito is Spoken Bride's Creative Director and Co-Founder. She is the owner and wedding photographer of Olive & Cypress. Read more

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3 Tips for Choosing Your Mass Music

CLARE SIMILIE

Picking the readings and the music for your wedding Mass is an opportunity to show the beauty of the sacrament. And while it can be fun to choose the music, it can also be a daunting task. There is no end to options for liturgical music and if you haven’t grown up singing in a Church Choir, you may not know where to begin. Here, some helpful tips and suggestions to get you started.

Photography: An Endless Pursuit as seen in Robyn + Greg’s Spring Garden-Inspired Wedding

Talk with your fiancé.

Do you imagine all the Mass parts sung in Latin? Do family members have strong opinions about what instruments belong inside a Church? Many of our Church music preferences have been deeply ingrained in us from our Mass-going days throughout our lives. You may assume your fiancé wants, for instance, to walk down the aisle to a guitar Matt Maher song like you do, when in reality he envisions Gregorian chant. You never know until you discuss it! If your tastes differ, be willing to compromise, like opting for a traditional Ave Maria along with a more modern Offertory hymn.

Get on the same page with your Music Director.

While it’s good to have some idea what music you and your fiancé like, having your parish’s  Music Director on board will ease much of the selection process. Many parishes have a guide with certain rules about what pieces you’re permitted to use--for example, did you know Wagner’s “Heres comes the Bride” is not used at Catholic Weddings? It’s helpful to familiarize yourself with the rules beforehand to prevent any conflict. Then, have an open mind! Chances are, the director has been doing this a long time and will have great advice and suggestions.

Research, research, research.

Once you know what the both of you are drawn to and have guidelines from your Music Director, it’s time for the fun part: actually choosing the music. If you don’t even know where to start, think back to your experiences at Mass: Are there any songs that particularly move you? Ones you love grabbing the hymnal and singing along to? You might also consider asking recently married friends about their selections. Put together a Spotify list of any potential songs, and once you have lots of options, take a day to go through the list together and pick some favorites. If you are still stuck, below is a list of suggestions:

In the end, your wedding Mass, including the music, is a prayer you are offering to God. The beauty of music lifts our souls higher. If you approach your selections with that in mind, you will not fail.

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About the Author: Clare Smillie works in development for her diocese's local social service. She is passionate in her work for the Church and enjoys volunteering with her parish and Young Adult Group, and is looking forward to her Summer 2018 wedding. Clare and her fiancé, both graduates of Thomas Aquinas College, bonded over their love of Aquinas, G.K Chesterton and C.S Lewis. Her current favorite saint is Theresa Benedicta of the Cross, a.k.a. Edith Stein, and is inspired by Theresa's love of the intellectual life and pursuit of truth. Clare loves her home state of Montana and is a (very) amateur wedding cake baker.

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An Introduction to the Annulment Process

REV. FR. TIMOTHY NAPLES

To our brides discerning the vocation of marriage for not the first, but second time, we see you and are here for you. Divorce and separation are wrenching for all involved, and the road to annulment might seem like an unlit path through the dark. We hope this resource, written from a lovingly pastoral viewpoint, helps illuminate the first steps in this process and plants the seeds of self-examination and healing. Jesus, Divine Physician, be with us.

Are you planning a Catholic wedding for a second marriage?

You want to get married, but you have been married previously. You know that the Catholic Church will consider you bound to your first marriage until an annulment is granted. Beside the doctrinal foundations of the Catholic faith that are relevant to any possible second marriages, there are also a million “what if?”s that have a practical impact on each person’s situation after being civilly divorced from a previous marriage.

This guide will only answer a small handful of these “what ifs." I hope it will also provide some primary considerations, offered in a spirit of charity and understanding in difficult circumstances, as a great starting point to answer questions for your own situation as you move forward.

First consideration: your parish priest

A parish priest is likely to be a key source of information and answers about all the elements involved in this process. Your local parish priest is going to be your first contact for the official annulment process, and likely the one who submits your official petition for annulment to the tribunal office of your Diocese. Perhaps you have a good personal connection with a priest in another parish; you might do well to speak with him about an annulment. Perhaps your own parish priest will direct you to work with another priest in your Diocese. Regardless, a parish office, working with a local parish priest, is likely the only place to get the official application for an annulment. You typically cannot send an application for annulment to your Diocese without the signature of the priest who arranged your application.

Second consideration: your history with your former spouse

The annulment process will ask about the whole history of your marriage. The Church needs to know this history, and not just the immediate circumstances of the divorce. While you will need to provide all the documented information about your prior marriage, and also the civil decree of divorce, much more information will be needed. The Church requires the whole story of the previous marriage in various written formats. It is rather standard that an autobiographical narrative is written out, from the time of your first meeting with your former spouse, through engagement and marriage, and into the subsequent married life, up until your civil divorce.

It can be like writing out a five-page confession. It can take a while to re-visit and re-process it all. It can be difficult. But this is essential according to the Church’s doctrine on what an annulment is. It is not “Catholic Divorce,” but the Church’s judgment as to whether a key element of the sacrament of matrimony was missing at the time of the marriage, and therefore whether the wedding, presumed-to-be-sacramental, should only be held as binding in its mere civil effects. The civil effects of marriage can, and do, end in divorce decrees. But the sacrament cannot end, except by the death of one of the spouses.

Third consideration: children

The third consideration is an extension of the civil effects. Here let us first clear up a misconception: the Church does not designate  children from previous marriages “illegitimate” if the previous marriage gets annulled.

Say an annulment is granted. Some combination of factors and choices, along with the lack of the sacramental grace, led parents to divorce civilly. The Church has no need--or desire--to bring any retribution upon any of the children. The previous marriage was judged to be binding civilly, but not sacramentally. Therefore, the laws of the Church affirm that the societal status of children is still entirely legitimate, and that the children of the family should not lose any of their proper status and dignity in society.

This would be true even if the Church still used the designation of “illegitimate” in any circumstances. But, again, the term has been removed from church law. For the practical consideration, it is obviously of great concern to the Church that children still be given a healthy upbringing in faith and morals, and we hope that after the tragedy of divorce, both parents would remain supportive of nurturing the Christian faith in their children. Such unity of religious practice does not always happen when former spouses arrange their relations with children from the previous marriage. We pray for these difficulties encountered by co-parenting Catholics, but we also affirm that there should be no concern about this when applying for an annulment.

Fourth consideration: witnesses

It is very important for the Church to be objective about the intentions and dispositions of the former spouses at the time of their wedding. Such detailed insistence is not for the purpose of dwelling on personal fault or blame. We assume that whatever personal faults or insufficiencies were a factor in undermining the first marriage “from the get-go” are already the source of sufficient guilt and sorrow for the divorcees. While the Church would like to facilitate healing and growth in a renewed life of virtue after divorce, it also needs to have testimony, objectively, that there was something wrong or something lacking in the first marriage.

To do this the Church insists that witnesses to the relationship, those who knew you and/or your former spouse before and after your wedding, provide statements. These can be compared to, and added to, the testimonies of the former spouses. Be prepared to provide the contact information for family members or friends who knew you and your spouse, especially during your courtship and engagement. Here it often comes up that one former spouse is no longer in  contact with the other. Know that an attempt truly must be made to inform him or her that the marriage is under consideration for annulment. However, know also that if there are serious reasons to avoid any direct contact, your Diocese could proceed with the annulment without providing to your former spouse your current address and phone number.

Fifth consideration: finances

It used to be widely believed  that a significant amount of money was needed to be paid in fees in order for a Diocese to process an annulment petition: hundreds, if not over a thousand, dollars. While a full annulment process can require extensive time, most Diocesan fees were probably never that exorbitant. You may inquire of your parish priest if there is a fee.

The annulment process is more and more considered an essential area of pastoral service, meriting funding by other means. It so happens that my own Diocese is one of many (though not all) that have eliminated any and all fees for the annulment process. If any fees are  financially unreasonable to handle, speak with a Catholic Charities office in your state and see if they have any grant programs or assistance in cases where a fee for annulment applications is a true financial hardship. If your Diocese has already removed all fees for annulment applications, then in gratitude consider donating a bit, within your means, to their Catholic Charities programs, to the diocesan annual fund, or to your local parish. It might help someone in a similar situation.

Sixth consideration: the peace of Christ

The last consideration is the big picture. Applying for an annulment is not an absolute guarantee that your future hopes for a second marriage will work out. Here we move forward in faith, knowing that the Catholic Church is a “big picture” kind of Church. Because by “big picture” we mean eternal life, the forgiveness of eternal debts, and the remitting of eternal punishments in the grace of Christ our Lord and personal Savior.

All our considerations of marriage should keep their connection with Good Friday and Easter Sunday. It is a very good sign, that despite all the discomfort of divorce and annulments, a person desires to keep their contact with the Church. Jesus Christ is the only lasting source of peace. In light of eternity, even life-defining events such as marriages and careers are still short term considerations.

We take great consolation in the fact that Christ wants to be with us in all our short-term considerations. If we are meant to “get through them,” he wants to guide us through them. If we are meant to “live” in marriage and family, or in any other vocation in life, he wants to be the life in the middle of it.

Images by Horn Photography & Design

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About the Author: Fr. Naples is a cradle Catholic from upstate New York. He worked for the Diocese of Burlington, Vermont, in the summer of 2003 and was accepted to seminary for the diocese that fall. He completed six years of study at Mount St. Mary’s Seminary in Emmitsburg, Maryland, and was ordained a priest in 2009. He began giving scripture centered marriage instructions for the Diocese of Burlington in his first year as a priest, and remains involved in marriage preparation as a pastor.

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4 Scripts for Explaining Catholic Wedding Traditions to Friends + Family

An audio version of this post was featured on our podcast on 11/10/2020.

As you plan your Catholic wedding, you might find friends and family inquiring about the reasons underlying particular marriage traditions in the Church. We’ve been there, and want to be here for you. Often, the default response might be to answer in a defensive way--we defend that which we fiercely love--as we assume anyone asking a question is asking from a place of skepticism or judgment.

While that might be true in some cases, you might find yourself surprised by how many individuals simply have a spirit of curiosity about the Catholic faith and its rituals. Modeling your love after the crucifixion, holding an hour-plus ceremony, and including formal prayer in your wedding are, in many ways, countercultural. To those whom Catholic weddings are unfamiliar, the spirit of inquiry is often genuine. Their questions provide a unique opportunity: to explain these matters with charity, candor, and with an invitation to know more and let the goodness, beauty, and natural reason of the Church speak for itself.

Below, four common questions regarding Catholic wedding liturgies, and how you might answer. We hope you find these points help you articulate why you’ve chosen to marry in the Church, what sets it apart, and most importantly, that they provide the seeds of truly fruitful conversation.

Or perhaps the spirit of curiosity is where you, yourself, are. Questions about the Catholic faith are good; an opening of a new door, not a closing off to inquiry, and an opportunity to learn and contemplate. We hope the questions and answers below offer you the start of greater understanding and critical thought.

Photography: Cynthia Shipp, seen in Fatima + Jon's Tuscan-inspired wedding

Why do you have to get married in an actual church?

It’s not that a a beautiful garden, hotel, or oceanfront venue is an unromantic or insignificant place to profess your lifelong commitment to each other. When Catholics say marriage is a sacrament of the Church, they’re saying they believe earthly things--in this case, the vows spoken by the bride and groom--can literally be transformed by God into something different than what they once were. Once the marriage is consummated, the words spoken at the altar are transformed into a permanent bond breakable only by death.

Because of that belief in sacramental realities, which take place in God’s presence, it makes sense that the sacrament needs to actually take place in his presence. Where is the Lord really, truly present? It’s true that he is all around us in the created world and that prayer can happen anywhere. Yet for Catholics, who believe bread and wine become Christ’s body and blood in the Eucharist, he is there in a real, metaphysical way in the tabernacle of every church--there resides the Eucharist and there, we believe, resides the living Jesus. It’s amazing to consider that he is there in such a tangible way from the first moments of a bride and groom’s life together.

Speaking of vows, why can’t you write your own?

Every sacrament of the Church has a specific rite that must be followed in order for the sacrament to be valid. If a priest doesn't follow the prescribed language of consecration, for instance, the Eucharist for that Mass is invalid. Getting married is the same: in order for the sacrament to take place; that is, for the couple's bond to literally be transformed and suffused with grace, the bride and groom need to speak the language of the Rite of Marriage. It's more than just inputting certain words and getting out a certain result. It's allowing yourselves and your love to take on something entirely, sacramentally new and humbly inviting God into your life together, knowing it takes three, not two, to live out your promises.

But it’s understandable that a couple might want to express their hopes for how they’ll love and serve each other in marriage in their own words. Those who wish to do that can write down these hopes and intentions in letters to each other or can talk together about them.

What about Mary? Why is a part of the Mass dedicated to her?

When you really want something, it can be helpful to have another person helping you get it. Job referrals and references, personal trainers, and therapists fall into this category.

When Catholics pray for something, they believe the saints--men and women from throughout history who were heroically faithful, in ways large and small--can provide the gift of intercession, which means joining in our prayers and offering them to God alongside us. We hold Mary, the mother of Jesus, in the highest regard among the saints for her making her entire life an unreserved yes to God’s will. In praying to her, therefore she brings us to the Lord. We, and our prayers, grow closer to Jesus, through Mary.

That’s not to say every prayer of a person’s heart is answered in exactly the way and time they hope, simply because they prayed for Mary’s intercession, but that her prayers for us, her children, are a great gift. When husband and wife kneel before her during their wedding Mass, they bring their lives to her, asking her to pray for them like any other mother might pray for her children, and to strengthen them in love.

Who’s walking you down the aisle? If not your dad, why?

Although a priest celebrates a couple’s wedding Mass, marriage is actually the only sacrament of the Church wherein the bride and groom, not a priest, actually administer the sacrament. The minister of the sacrament typically processes into the church last, so for couples who choose to acknowledge this, they walk into the church together. For those who do a first look, or who choose to meet for the first time before the procession, it can beautifully signify the bride and groom’s shared role in the sacrament and promises they’re about to enter into.

Couples are also free to choose the tradition of walking in with both parents, or for the bride to process in with her father, which in no way diminishes the couple’s role in the sacrament or their equality as people.

If these outlines for your conversations are helpful, we’d love to know! Share with us, in the comments and on our social media, any other areas of Catholic weddings and marriage for which you’d welcome talking points.

Read more apologetics-related matters:

Explaining the Eucharist to your guests | Talking with friends about cohabitation, Part I | Part II | Navigating the revised Rite of Marriage

An Introduction to the Byzantine Rite of Marriage

JULIA DEZELSKI

If you’ve ever attended a Catholic wedding, you know the Church does weddings a little differently than other traditions- there are certain things we do and don’t do. However, if you are a Catholic in the United States, chances are you may not know that the Church has different marriage rites, depending on the liturgical rite a couple belongs to. I barely knew myself until I was planning my own wedding in the Byzantine rite. For every liturgical rite in the Catholic Church (there are over twenty!) there is a different liturgy of marriage in keeping with the rite’s tradition.

Last December, when I was married in the Byzantine rite, I had only once attended a wedding in the Eastern Catholic Church and needed plenty of instruction. I had been officially welcomed into the Eastern Catholic Ukrainian Church the previous June after requesting a change of rite (from the Latin rite in which I was raised). It was during my studies abroad in Rome that I stumbled upon the Byzantine rite through association with the Russian Catholic Church established there on the Esquiline hill. I was initially attracted by the beauty and depth of the liturgy (although I didn’t know any Russian!) and after further study of the history, iconography, and spirituality of the East, I knew that I wanted one day to embrace that patrimony as my own. Upon returning to the United States, I had the opportunity to do so and my husband-to-be was very supportive (and curious) about marriage in the Eastern rite.

Jonalee Earles Photography

Despite our inexperience and our guests’ unfamiliarity with the Eastern celebration of marriage, everyone was touched by the unparalleled beauty of the rich symbolism behind every gesture and edified by the solemnity of the rite.

Here are a few of the most interesting features of the Byzantine rite marriage:

The Procession

Much to the surprise of our guests, my father did not accompany me down the aisle. Instead, my husband and I processed hand-in-hand down the aisle behind the celebrants. By entering together, we crossed over the threshold of the church as equal partakers in this unfolding mystery of love. The focus is not on the bride alone, but on the couple, already becoming one mind and one heart as they make their way into the House of God.

Unlike other weddings, we did not have a handsome band of ladies and gents as an entourage. Instead, our two witnesses led the wedding procession carrying icons of Jesus and the Virgin Mary into the church. These icons now hold a prominent place in our home and serve as a reminder of that sacred day and its foundation. The choir’s intonation of Psalm 27 during the procession served as a reminder: “Happy are all who fear the Lord, who live according to His will. You shall eat the fruit of your own labors, you shall be happy and you shall prosper. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the heart of your home …”

The marriage rite actually begins in the vestibule of the church with the service of betrothal that confirms the free will and intent of the bride and groom. Although we were already betrothed (more on that later), we reaffirmed our free and unconstrained consent to enter into the marriage covenant.

Jonalee Earles Photography

Intercessions

As soon as we had publicly professed our intent, we were prayed for by those around us. The Byzantine liturgy is sprinkled with intercessory prayer: for the soon-to-be spouses, for blessings upon their marriage, for the fruits of the bride’s womb, for the couple’s children and their children’s children. Drawing upon a rich array of biblical marriages, the priest then offers a prayer to bless the couple like the biblical couples from Adam and Eve to Mary and Joseph. By being prayed over with such powerful imagery, the new couple becomes a part of the biblical story of redemption and a link in the genealogy of Christ’s second coming.

Marriage Vows and Crowning

To seal their participation in the story of salvation, the bride and groom are now invited to place their right hands on the Gospels. The priest then covers their hands with his stole as the groom followed by the bride read their marriage vows. Both my husband and I appreciated that we were not asked to repeat the words of the priest - we read them for the first and only time directly off the page. The vows were simple and profound, undergirded by the promise to love, respect, and be always faithful to our spouse with the help of God and all the saints.

The sacrament of matrimony in the Byzantine rite is also called the Holy Mystery of Crowning. The reason why becomes apparent at this moment, when the bride and groom are now crowned - that’s right - literally crowned with either a wreath of myrtle or a crown of jewels (not exactly precious jewels, but not plastic, either!)

The crowning is most certainly the most dramatic part of the ceremony, not only for the spouses who are trying to keep their heads upright, but for the whole assembly that witnesses a new dimension of marriage that is not typically highlighted in a wedding. The crowning is not some sort of mock celebration of how the newly wedded spouses might feel on top of the world but instead the “crowns of glory and honor” placed on their heads symbolize the honored martyrs who shed their blood and gave their lives for Christ and their neighbor. Like the crown of martyrdom, the crown is a prize of a marriage well-lived: a crown of sacrifice and self-giving. It is a foretaste of a glorious marital end!

Jonalee Earles Photography

The Common Cup and Procession

The Byzantine marriage rite is not celebrated within the context of a eucharistic celebration. However, a chalice of unconsecrated wine is offered to both husband and wife, symbolizing the bitter and sweet moments of married life that they will share together. This is followed by a final ritual journey when their hands are joined with an embroidered cloth and bound to one another, the couple is led around the tetrapod - a symbol of Christ - three times, by the priest carrying the Gospels. Again, the couple is starting their journey together by following the Word of God with Christ as the cornerstone of their life’s foundation.

The concluding prayer invokes God’s blessing on the couple until their crowns are received into God’s kingdom.  

In every Catholic liturgical rite, marriage is a sacrament that places you on a life journey of complete self-giving (and hopefully, a crown will be your prize!). Francis and I began our life journey walking as a couple over the threshold of the church and hope to journey together towards the Kingdom of Heaven while building our domestic church day by day. Regardless of rite or tradition, all Catholics are building the same Church - in their marriages and homes - each in their own way. This is the beauty of the Church: its unity and its diversity.

About the author: Julia Dezelski is currently finishing a doctorate in Theology. Her areas of interest include marriage and family, consecrated states of life, and the feminine genius among others. Julia was married last December in Washington, DC and can’t wait to cuddle with her first child due in January.

Writing Your Own Prayers of the Faithful

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast.

Most of the elements of Catholic wedding liturgies are pretty set in stone, as they should be: the liturgy is not a human creation but a divine gift, and the structure and unity of the Mass reminds us of this truth. What many couples don’t realize is that, as long as you keep within certain guidelines, you and your fiancé are permitted to write your own prayers of the faithful for your nuptial Mass. Kristian and I ended up with 21 petitions (What can I say? I love intercessory prayer!), but I don’t think anyone at our wedding minded. In fact, a few guests asked me to share our prayers of the faithful with them after the wedding, so that they could use them during personal prayer.

Yorch Sans Fotografia

If you’re not familiar with the process of writing intercessory prayers, or the idea intimidates you, be not afraid! It’s not as difficult as it sounds, and below you’ll find lots of tips and even examples that you can copy and paste directly from this post to include in your own prayers of the faithful.

Before we get into specifics, there are two things to keep in mind when writing liturgical petitions:

Petitions should not be mini-homilies. Keep them short and sweet, and keep the tone prayerful vs. preachy.

Follow the Church’s preferred petition order: pray for the Church first, then the world, the burdened, the local community, the dead, and your personal intentions.

Let’s break each of those down:

Prayer(s) for the Church.

Every act of liturgical Catholic prayer (including the liturgy of the hours) is the prayer of the entire Church. Thus, it makes sense that we always include the Body of Christ in our general intercessions. The minimalist way to go is to pray a broad and general prayer for the Church, which is fine, but if you want to be a bit more specific, consider including some or all of the following:

For the Holy Father, Pope Francis [add your specific intention for the Holy Father here]...

For Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI [add your specific intention for Benedict XVI here]...

For all bishops, priests, and deacons, especially those present at this Mass [you can name them here]...

For all religious and consecrated men and women, especially [insert name of religious men and women among your friends and family]...

For all lay Christians, that through prayer, the grace of the Sacraments, and acts of charity, we might become more credible witnesses to our friends and family who do not know Christ.

For the healing of the divisions among Christians--that we may all be of one heart and mind as Jesus prayed we would be.

For all persecuted Christians, that they would be strengthened and encouraged by our prayers and advocacy.

Prayer(s) for the world.

As Catholics, we are called to love all of God’s creation, including people with whom we disagree, those we consider our enemies, the poor, the disenfranchised, our government leaders, and so on. For example:

For an end to attacks on human dignity throughout the world, especially human trafficking, abortion, pornography, economic injustice, war, and religious persecution.

For our government leaders...

Prayer(s) for the burdened. This one is pretty self-explanatory, and provides us with the opportunity to honor those who are suffering from sickness or other burdens among our families and friends.

For all of the sick, especially those in our families, that they would experience the healing power of Christ. In particular, we pray for [insert names of family and friends who are sick here].

Prayer(s) for the local community.

This is your opportunity to pray for your guests. Kristian and I focused on vocations, specifically the vocation to marriage.

For all married couples, especially those who are carrying heavy crosses, that they would receive the strength and hope that they need to be visible signs of Christ’s love in the world.

For all couples who struggle with infertility, that they would know of Christ and his Mother’s closeness to them in their suffering.

For all couples who are divorced or separated, that they would receive the grace of healing and forgiveness.

For all of those single men and women who are waiting for the fulfillment of their vocation, that they would receive the grace to live this time well, with the hope that comes from knowing that their lives are in God’s hands. [Note: My friend Anamaria included a petition like this in her wedding Mass, and I was so touched that she remembered her single friends that I made a mental note of it in case I ever got married.]

Prayer(s) for the dead.

This is a wonderful opportunity to honor those in your families who aren’t able to attend your wedding in the flesh. Many couples opt to name all of their loved ones who have died in recent years. Example: 

For the salvation of all of our beloved dead, especially [include names of deceased loved ones here]. May all of those who mourn their loss be comforted by the hope of the Resurrection.

Personal intentions.

This is where you have a lot of freedom to pray for whatever is most dear to your hearts as a couple, such as your family’s role in bringing you to this sacrament, your friends, former mentors, and of course, your own marriage. Here’s what we did:

In thanksgiving for Christina and Kristian’s parents, who gave them the gifts of life, love, and faith in Christ and his Church.

In thanksgiving for Christina and Kristian’s siblings, nieces and nephews, and extended families, whose love, prayers, and support throughout the years have been instrumental in bringing them to the altar of marriage.

For the intentions of the Dehan, Lyons, Jaloway, and Ruhnke families.

For all of Christina and Kristian’s former students, that they would become the men and women God created them to be.

For Christina and Kristian, that they would never tire of loving one another as Christ has loved us.

Yorch Sans Fotografia

We hope this guide is helpful for those of you who want to write your own prayers of the faithful, but aren’t sure where to start; please feel free to share it with all of the Catholic brides-to-be that you know. For those of you who are already married, did you write your own intentions or use the pre-written ones provided by your priest/deacon? We’d love to hear from you in the comments!

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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How to Get Your Marriage Blessed by the Pope

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

My husband and I just returned from our babymoon/honeymoon part two, in which we traveled to Rome and several locations in Northern Italy. It was a beautiful trip, but by far the highlight was going to the papal audience on Wednesday, June 13, and being blessed by Pope Francis as part of the “Sposi Novelli” (newlywed) blessing. Our baby in utero got a special blessing as well! When I posted one of our photos on Instagram, I got lots of questions about how couples can go about planning their own newlywed blessing, so I thought I’d share some of what I learned from our experience.

Photo by L'Osservatore Romano

Order your tickets in advance.

All papal audience tickets are free, but due to the number of newlyweds who want to attend each week, you must request tickets from the Bishops’ Office for United States Visitors to the Vatican (contact your local diocesan office for information if you do not live in the US). It’s as simple as emailing the office a few months ahead of your visit, asking for Sposi Novelli tickets for the Wednesday audience you want to attend, and picking the tickets up between 3-6 PM on the evening before the audience. The office is near the Trevi Fountain and you can find directions to it on their website.

Be aware of the rules and restrictions.

According to the BIshops’ Office, couples are eligible for the Sposi Novelli blessing if they’ve been married for two months or less*, and must bring their marriage certificate, signed by a priest or deacon, with them to the audience.  

*In the interest of full disclosure, Kristian and I did not know this rule and had almost been married six months at the time of our Sposi Novelli blessing (we planned on going much earlier, but first trimester and international travel do not mix well). As I said before, our baby got blessed too as I was visibly pregnant, but that didn’t seem to bother anyone. If you want to get your marriage blessed but can’t go to Rome within two months of your wedding, it may still be possible, but it’s a good idea to check with the Bishops’ Office before you book your airline tickets.  

Plan your wardrobe.

 For the Sposi Novelli blessing, couples are expected to come in “wedding attire”, which broadly interpreted means men in suits and women in white dresses. At our audience, there were women fully decked out in their wedding dresses and grooms in tuxes, but that isn’t required. And if you go to Rome in the summer, you may want to forego the wedding dress simply due to the intense heat in St. Peter’s Square.  

A note about dress code: There’s no specific dress code to get into St. Peter’s Square, where the audience is held, but if you want to go into the Basilica afterward, you’ll need to have your shoulders and knees covered.

Get there early.

The Bishops’ Office recommends that you get to the audience as early as possible (the Square officially opens at 6:30 AM) even though the audience doesn’t begin until 10 AM. Kristian and I weren’t able to make it until about 8:30 due to jet lag, but even then almost all of the special seats for the Sposi Novelli were taken. It’s worth it to get there as early as possible, especially since there’s nothing quite like an almost-empty St. Peter’s Square in the early morning light. Just bring snacks, a water bottle, and some reading/prayer material with you to pass the time.

Note: The Basilica does not open until a couple of hours after the audience concludes, so you won’t be able to go to Mass beforehand.

Pay attention to the weather.

I’ve been to Rome during every season except Fall (which I hear is gorgeous), and as much as I love the Eternal City, I must say that summer (mid-June through August) is a tough time to visit. The heat can be oppressive and there’s little relief from trees or ubiquitous A/C. But if summer is your only option, there are a few things you can do to beat the heat at the Sposi Novelli blessing:

-Don’t wear your wedding dress unless it’s light, airy, and breathable. Consider purchasing a white dress that will allow you to look bridal without overheating.

-Advise your husband to wear a lightweight summer suit.

-Bring an umbrella or parasol (I’m so thankful that the Italian couple sitting next to us let me huddle under theirs).

-Bring a LARGE bottle of water and refill it while you’re waiting in one of the natural fountains in the Square.

-Wear sunglasses.

-Bring something to fan yourself with. Trust me.  

Note: If you are planning a winter or spring visit to the Vatican, an umbrella is also a good idea as it tends to rain more often during those seasons.

Bring any religious articles you'd like blessed by the Pope.

At the end of the audience, the Holy Father will do a general blessing of any and all religious articles that you’ve brought with you. I wish I had remembered to bring the rosary that was wrapped around my bouquet! 

Be aware that you may not get a cool photo with Pope Francis.

Depending on the time of year, the number of couples sitting in the Sposi Novelli section varies quite a bit. Couples from all over the world (especially Italy and other countries in Europe) come for the newlywed blessing.  You’re more likely to get facetime with the Holy Father if you do not go during the summer. If you do go during the summer, like Kristian and I did, be prepared for the possibility that you may only get a general greeting from the Pope. We were able to get to the front of the line because I'm pregnant (pregnant women, I learned, are treated like royalty in Rome), but that was an unexpected blessing as there were over 100 newly married couples in attendance that day! My brother and sister-in-law, who went in May 2016, were part of a much smaller group in which everyone got a personal greeting from the Pope.

Note: if you do get photos with Pope Francis, you’ll have an opportunity that afternoon to peruse them, choose the ones you like, and have them printed out for you for a small fee.

Photo by L'Osservatore Romano

What if you can't make it to a papal audience for a special newlywed blessing? Are your dreams of papal marriage blessings dead? Not at all! You always have the option of requesting a Papal blessing for your marriage directly from the Vatican, which is printed on parchment and sent to your home.

I hope this has been a helpful guide for planning a Sposi Novelli trip to Rome. If you're engaged and planning on honeymooning in Rome or a newlywed who recently made the trek, we'd love to hear about your experience in the comments! 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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How to Request an Official Papal Blessing for Your Marriage + Home

ANDI COMPTON

This article was featured on our podcast on 10/20/2020.

Have you ever admired the beautiful, hand-painted certificates at your parish or at a friend's home, commemorating an individual or couple's lifetime or sacramental milestone? This Apostolic blessing from the Pope, known also as a Benediction Papalis, is available to any baptized Catholic. Requesting a blessing from the Holy Father, along with a certificate that tangibly commemorates that blessing, is a surprisingly simple process that costs under $50 to cover the cost of the hand-drawn and lettered parchment and the shipping from Vatican City (wedding or Christmas gifts, anyone?).

The Apostolic Blessing is granted for Baptism, First Communion, Confirmation, Marriage, Priestly Ordination, Religious Profession, Secular Consecration, Ordinations of Permanent Deacons, marriage anniversaries (10, 25, 40, 50, 60 years), birthdays (18, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100), and upon Catholic individuals or families.

Requests for Papal Blessings on parchment are only available online as of March 10, 2019. There are several beautiful parchments available to choose from, ranging from €18-26. The time required for receiving the parchment is approximately 20 days from the date the request is received, but plan on one month just to be sure it arrives on time. Postage is €18 with DHL Worldwide.

A statement from your diocese or the recipient’s diocese to certify that they are in good standing with the church is no longer required, however you are responsible for declaring that the person(s) you are requesting the blessing for are baptized Catholics, living a Christian life, are not participating in any groups hostile to the faith, are married in the Church, are not under any canonical penalties, and do not hold public office or public roles.

https://www.elemosineria.va/parchments/

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About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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