Trusting God with your Family Planning When Physical Intimacy is a Challenge

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MARISOL B.

 

Going through marriage preparation, we were required to attend an NFP class. Both of us already had great awareness around the formative and scientific aspects of Natural Family Planning, as well as the bioethics involved. We made a plan for how we envisioned our first year of marriage, and we initially agreed that while open to life, we would wait about a year before planning to grow our future family from a duo to a trio.

However, one day, my fiancé shared that during one of his weekly Encounters (a meeting where a group of men share a Gospel reflection and review life cases in light of our current culture, virtues and vices and Gospel passages – followed by spiritual and apostolic action), he felt called to pray for a honeymoon baby.

After this conversation, we decided to plan our family around that little prayer and continued to prepare for the Sacrament.

Fast-forward to our trip together after the wedding day and we discovered a major plot twist. As we found ourselves unable to physically consummate our marriage during our time away, we went back to our new home a little bit deflated and in search for answers.

After multiple OBGYN visits and a couple of failed procedures, I was finally given a diagnosis and I began a journey into recovery. 

I struggle with involuntary floor muscle spasms and I have found throughout the years that there is increased awareness around the topic and about the many women who suffer from inability to achieve penetration or experience painful intercourse.

It may feel like a lonely road at first; however, there are more widely available resources and tools to help with multiple pelvic floor conditions (either primary or secondary cases); including Physical Therapy, dilation practice, etc.

Related: Turning to the Eucharist When Physical Intimacy is Complicated

While NFP has not been utilized by us to avoid pregnancy during the thirteen years of our marriage (because of our inability to have intercourse in the first place), I have found the practice to be very helpful and a wealth of knowledge about my own body and the ways in which I can achieve healthy periods, ovulation and sustained energy throughout the years.

I have been able to notice changes in my body which I can easily modify with diet and lifestyle practices which support healthy female function. And we await the moment in which I make good enough progress in my journey to achieve consummation and hopefully pregnancy.

Read more: Benefits of Charting Beyond the Bedroom

Last year, during the pandemic, we unexpectedly received an invitation to host the image of Our Lady Undoer of Knots and each of the people that had prayed in front of this beautiful image before us, had added a prayer intention written on a piece of white ribbon.

After the novena was finished, we thought about what we would write as a prayer petition on our little white strand and the request was made for a ‘honeymoon baby’ which only God knows how, when and whether to grant. 

It is never too late to fulfill a resolution made back in 2007. After all, during the wedding at Cana the Choice Wine, produced by the miraculous hand of Jesus was served towards the later part of the celebration.

We faithfully await the moment when two may become one, and by God’s grace, a family of three or more.

About the Author: Marisol has a great love for art and humanities. You may find her designing and styling, or gaining inspiration from books, art, friends and family, or a random conversation with a homeless human in the streets. She is passionate about the art of living in the present moment, building a life of purpose and of finding beauty in every circumstance. Her additional writing can be found at The Maritus Project and Beauty Found.

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Finding Abundance During Seasons of Abstinence

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BRIDGET BUSACKER

 

“We have to abstain AGAIN??”

PHOTOGRAPHY: MACKENZIE REITER

PHOTOGRAPHY: MACKENZIE REITER

I remember looking at my app and reviewing my charted symptoms from the past few days and knew if we didn’t feel called to having children, we would need to abstain from sex that night.

And, I’ll be honest, I can remember many moments like this. At one point, my husband and I joked about having a song to capture our frustration, so we could jam it out. This might sound crazy, but these frustrations with Natural Family Planning (NFP) actually lead to good (and hard!) conversations for us about it. 

We have to choose to have an abundance mindset about NFP or to live in a space of scarcity whenever we discern that ovulation means abstaining in this particular season of our marriage.

We quickly realized that:

Firstly, the Catholic Church wasn’t forcing us to practice NFP. We have free will and could easily choose to throw it aside and use birth control. But, we knew through the education, training, and theology we had read how much we wanted this for our marriage. 

We read and saw couples practicing who truly spoke to the virtue building, finding creative ways to love each other, rooting out lust, and not treating our spouse as objects. We wanted that! But, like loving someone, it is a choice. And, to love my spouse fully, I need to choose NFP for our marriage to help me root out my own sinfulness and struggles when it comes to sex.

Secondly, we could hold a grudge during times of abstinence, or we could choose to see it as an opportunity to stretch, grow, and find creative ways to love each other. We quickly learned how limiting our creativity was and abstinence during each cycle really challenged us to refrain from complaining and be proactive in our love for one another.

Don’t get me wrong, we maintained honesty about our frustrations because it was helpful to articulate the roadblocks, our personal struggles with lust, and the temptation to focus on our own desires. 

But, we also celebrated our attraction to each other, the desire we have for one another, and the great gift of sex! We needed both in order to be on the same team and love each other fully, especially in seasons of abstinence.

So, we created a list. We didn’t follow it perfectly, we sometimes failed and fell into complaining, but it was the continual conversation that helped us (and continues to help us) grow in our love.

Ask each other about your favorite games, movies, meals, hobbies and what new things you want to try together. Explore each other’s interests and lean into the newness of trying the unfamiliar in an attempt to get to know your spouse and what they enjoy.

Related: Questions to Foster Emotional Intimacy

This time of abstinence can be hard because you love your spouse and you desire union with the other person you’ve given your life to. However, it can also be a time of abundance if we choose to make it as such. 

If you find yourselves really struggling, reach out to your instructor or another couple you trust and share what’s going on. It can help to talk to someone outside of your marriage when it’s hard to see the opportunities or when it just feels downright painful. Just remember that you are not in this alone in this season of abstinence! 

NFP challenges each couple to determine what God is calling each of us to and we discern the best we can. You’re not failing at NFP if abstinence is hard. You’re doing it right if the struggle is real and the pain is evident. The fire of NFP is absolutely purifying, but you and your spouse can come out stronger together!

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is founder of Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of Natural Family Planning (NFP) resources for women and couples. She is on a mission to fuse the science of Fertility Awareness Based Methods (FABMs) and Theology of the Body (TOB) into the everyday practice of NFP. Bridget is passionate about women’s health and sex education that promotes the dignity of the human person by integrating a holistic approach to self-knowledge of the body.

Managing Your Fertility: WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER | FACEBOOK

How Men Can Be Supportive in NFP

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BRIDGET BUSACKER

 

Every couple’s NFP journey looks different, especially in regards to the role the husband plays in it. 

Some couples split the tasks of charting, with the woman checking her mucus sensations and the husband inputting the data into the chart. Others talk about the chart findings that the woman recorded each day. Some are altogether separate in the process, aside from regular communication about family planning (which is usually inevitable when using NFP). 

There is no one way to practice NFP as a couple. It’s all about finding what works for you both and falling forward together. You are on a journey to understand the woman’s fertility and how to navigate the conversations of family planning with God at the center of your discussions. 

It’s not always sunshine and roses and there can be painful or hard seasons with practicing NFP, but it’s through the painful moments that we grow and we come out stronger.

Ultimately, men do have a role in NFP, but it doesn’t need to focus on the specifics of charting. 

What men, husbands, need to do in the realm of NFP is to acknowledge the work of charting and the beauty of the woman’s, wife’s, body as its own - her own - beautiful, God-given masterpiece.

NFP invites men and women not to see each other as objects, but rather as subjects. And, these subjects are meant to be loved, cherished, and cared for by both spouses, reciprocating a Christ-like love in the journey of their marriage. This can be a purifying fire, but one that helps to forge and create newness within the relationship.

As a husband, you will be challenged to strip away the lust that cries in your heart through the practice of NFP. 

What does this look like? It looks different for every marriage and it is your duty - your great honor - to find ways to love your wife in this space that best fits you both. 

It might look like coming up with a list of creative ways to love your wife when you’re in a season of abstinence and you’ve prayerfully discerned that God is not calling you to have a baby. 

You can offer a sympathetic ear to your wife who finds charting hard or frustrating instead of trying to immediately fix the problem. 

You may find ways to introduce foreplay into your sex life to help your spouse feel more loved and encouraged in intimacy together, so that you both find it enjoyable. 

Again, this is about your marriage, so get creative. Understanding what makes your spouse feel known and loved is powerful knowledge, especially in seasons of abstinence.

Related: How to Connect With Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy

Most importantly, it’s striving to keep communication open and praying for your marriage and your sex life regularly, asking God to help purify your love for your wife. 

NFP is not always easy, but it provides an opportunity for authentic connection, increased intimacy, and rooting out lust in your hearts, so that you can have a thriving marriage and sex life.

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is founder of Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of Natural Family Planning (NFP) resources for women and couples. She is on a mission to fuse the science of Fertility Awareness Based Methods (FABMs) and Theology of the Body (TOB) into the everyday practice of NFP. Bridget is passionate about women’s health and sex education that promotes the dignity of the human person by integrating a holistic approach to self-knowledge of the body.

Managing Your Fertility: WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER | FACEBOOK

When It’s Time to Switch NFP Methods

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BRIDGET BUSACKER

 

There’s a mentality within the “NFP world” that once you pick a method, you have to stick with it until you hit menopause. 

But, the reality is that your body changes, just as the seasons do, and what method works for you during your first years as a newlywed may not work as well postpartum. 

Of course, this isn’t to say that you will need to switch; ultimately, if you’re happy with your method and it’s working for you and your spouse, that’s what matters most! 

However, if you find you’re struggling or something just isn’t working, know that switching methods is a viable option. In fact, it is pretty common. 

But how do you determine whether your method of NFP is right for you?

Sit down with your spouse and talk about it

Ask yourselves what’s working and what’s not going so well in your charting journey together. Are there aspects of this particular method that are hard? Are certain protocols challenging and it’s just not working super well? Is it the technology you’re using and not so much the method itself? 

As an example, if you’re using a sympto-thermal method and it’s really hard to take your temperature at the exact same time every morning, instead of using an over-the-counter thermometer from your local drugstore, try investing in Tempdrop. You can wear it as you sleep and it monitors your temperature, so you don’t have to fumble with a thermometer at 6a (or whatever time it might be for you). 

Related: Three Methods of Natural Family Planning and How to Choose the One for You

Be sure to get granular in your questions with each other. There’s no shame if it’s hard to do a particular aspect of charting. Different methods exist for a reason, so it doesn’t mean that you’re failing at NFP. 

Talk to your practitioner

Once you’ve nailed down the issues and challenges of charting, make sure to reach out to your practitioner and have a conversation with them. Tell them your struggles, what’s working, what’s not, and let them help you process and find solutions. 

Most likely, this person will be able to speak more specifically to your struggles to help you determine changes you need to make within your practice or when it’s time to make a change. 

If you find that your practitioner is not understanding or isn’t listening to you, it’s time to break up and work with someone else. This can feel hard, but ultimately, this is about you and your health care journey!

Looking for a NFP practitioner? Check out these Catholic options. 

Switch to a new practitioner

If you need to make the hard call to switch practitioners, that’s okay, too! 

Sometimes, when a method is hard, it might mean you might need a new practitioner to help you navigate the challenges to find solutions. You want to be with someone you feel like you can be honest with and ask questions. You shouldn’t feel the need to apologize or not ask something because you’re uncertain of how they will react or judge you. This is a judgement-free zone! 

So, how do you switch practitioners? Be sure to reach out to either a designated email provided or a general email and explain your situation. You’ll be connected with someone within the organization that can help you find someone new to work with. It’s that easy - really!

It’s time to change methods

If you find that, even with a practitioner change, it’s still not getting any better and it’s just not working out for you, it’s time to make the method switch. 

This can feel daunting, but there are great resources available to help you find a different method that works better for you and your lifestyle! There’s no “one way” to practice NFP in your marriage, so there’s no need to feel ashamed or overwhelmed that you’re stuck. 

I recommended using Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop of NFP resources for women and couples that I designed out of my own personal frustrations with trying to compare and contrast available methods. This resource allows you to compare different methods and find one that works best for you based on commonly asked questions.

The practice of NFP can be challenging in and of itself (it’s the ultimate virtue builder!), so there’s no need to make it twice as hard by pushing your way through a method that really doesn’t fit your needs or your lifestyle. 

You need a method that allows you to feel confident in your tracking and makes you feel empowered. There’s nothing wrong with that! 

The challenges of NFP come with the seasons of marriage, so make sure the wrong method for you isn’t one of them. There are always options and great practitioners available to help you on your charting journey. You’ve got this!

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is founder of Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of Natural Family Planning (NFP) resources for women and couples. She is on a mission to fuse the science of Fertility Awareness Based Methods (FABMs) and Theology of the Body (TOB) into the everyday practice of NFP. Bridget is passionate about women’s health and sex education that promotes the dignity of the human person by integrating a holistic approach to self-knowledge of the body.

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Is NFP Just "Catholic Birth Control?"

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BRIDGET BUSACKER

 

Is Natural Family Planning (NFP) just “Catholic Birth Control?” 

The Church’s teaching on the use of Natural Family Planning and the distinction between it and the various forms of contraception can be difficult to understand.  I myself have struggled to find a concise way of explaining it.

This article will break down the differences between them and provide you some resources to help you learn more.

What’s NFP again?

NFP is the terminology used by the Roman Catholic Church to embrace the teachings on Theology of the Body and the application of fertility awareness based methodology.

The Catholic Church embraces - and encourages couples to embrace - the integration of faith and science in their marriage. She supports women understanding their bodies for greater self-awareness, which leads to greater self-control. Not birth control.

Read more: NFP: What It Is, How It Works, and Why it is a Blessing to Married Couples

A virtue builder

Let’s not pretend that NFP isn’t hard. Sometimes, as in the case of abstinence, it can be downright painful. But, this is where the spiritual reality of NFP must be paired with the physical reality of charting. 

Fertility awareness is an amazing tool for a woman and/or couple to utilize in order to better understand and respect the female physiology. By choosing to practice Natural Family Planning and discern family life together, you challenge the cultural narrative (dating back to the Fall of Adam and Eve) of treating individuals as objects rather than persons. 

When we actively practice NFP in marriage, we seek to love the other beyond ourselves, our own desires, and even our wounds because in doing so we choose to deny ourselves for the sake of the other. 

We tend to glorify the sacrificial, brooding love in young lovers, but we despairingly laugh when this type of sacrificial love is practiced in true, sometimes awkward, intimacy in marriage. 

NFP challenges a husband and wife to love each other in creative ways and navigate difficult seasons of abstinence. It allows sex to be truly unitive and couples to have a love that is free, total, faithful, and fruitful.

We have to be willing to re-integrate a worldview of virtue back into our bedrooms.

This can be hard when a common American lifestyle prioritizes the global good over the local good, and preaches a gospel of personal sacrifice to gods of degeneration: money, food, pleasure. 

But ours is a God of “generation,” that is, of life.

The practical aspects of NFP

NFP challenges married couples to discern and have important conversations about family life and the intention of achieving pregnancy.

Hormonal contraception presents an unnatural and frankly, offensive approach to the female physiology by shutting down a healthy, functioning system. These synthetic hormones create withdrawal bleeds in women (no, it’s not a real period) and can cause a host of other health problems.

But, what about a condom? There are no hormones messing the system up and it’s responsible, right?

According to the Catholic Church and our understanding of sacrificial love, no, it’s not. It’s a bandaid solution to a deeper reality: our fear of sacrifice to love fully.

The use of contraception (both hormonal and barrier methods) may seem like an easier solution, but would it point us to the deeper reality of a free, total, faithful, fruitful love? Would it help us become saints? Of course not!

Something that contraception doesn’t allow for: conception.

The beauty of NFP is its ability to not only avoid pregnancy as needed, but to also achieve pregnancy with a holistic approach to and respect of a woman’s body in its entirety. It’s welcoming the man and woman’s bodies into the marriage fully, without muzzling any part of them. That is full love.

I don’t know about you, but the fact that my husband doesn’t ask me to shut down part of myself makes me feel fully loved and respected as a woman.

NFP integrates new life (either potential or actual) and existing life, that of two loving spouses. Contraception sterilizes the act, dislocating the life-giving nature of sex.

A love that is procreative & unitive

NFP is not “Catholic birth control” because it embraces the Catholic Church’s teaching that sex is intended to be both procreative and unitive. 

This doesn’t mean that you are supposed to try to conceive every time you have sex; instead, it means that you must discern your family life together as a couple, through embracing the woman’s reproductive system and her fertility. 

The woman’s body is designed by our Creator with times of fertility and infertility, just as in the Creation account, God both worked and rested. 

“In [fertility awareness] the married couple rightly use a faculty provided them by nature. In [birth control] they obstruct the natural development of the generative process.”

If you discern that you need to avoid pregnancy for a season (refer to Humane Vitae in the additional reading list below for a framework of discernment), then you abstain from sex during the fertile period of the woman’s cycle. In doing so, you are not taking away one of two integral aspects of sex. 

This is a difficult teaching, but only a fool would argue that virtue should be avoided because it is difficult. 

This is a bold and radical way of living; you are invited to surrender and trust the Lord in a new (and sometimes difficult) way. By choosing to practice NFP, you choose to fully embrace your spouse, your fertility, and the plan God has for your life.


Additional reading:

Humanae Vitae by Pope Paul VI

Why NFP is not Contraception by the USCCB

Why I don’t refer to Fertility Awareness as Contraception by Emily Frase

Natural Family Planning and the Myth of Catholic Contraception by Michael Wee


If you liked this article, we hope you enjoy this episode of the Spoken Bride podcast featuring Bridget Busacker.

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

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Using NFP Won't Just Affect You

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GENEVIEVE ALLEN

 

Most married couples who use Natural Family Planning will tell you that it can be difficult. For some, this is an understatement. 

However, we know that NFP can improve marriages by allowing couples to grow together in the holiness that comes with sacrifice.

When you make the choice to use NFP in your marriage, it often feels like a decision that will impact you and your spouse- and only you and your spouse. 

While it is true that natural family planning is an intimate act of intentional submission to the will of God for your family, the effects of this submission can affect not only your family, but the world.

The obvious evidence of this is, of course, children. Accepting children is the “supreme gift” of marriage, and the creation of new souls should not be taken lightly. 

Spouses should discern the planning of this gift through an open and ongoing conversation with God, but ultimately, NFP is about more than just the nuclear or even the extended family.

Consider the conversations that many of us have had with coworkers or friends who are not Catholic. When the subject of family planning arises, how do we respond? Certainly, it is our right to decline to talk about intimate topics which might make us uncomfortable. 

However, if you feel called to speak, think about what a witness you might be if you talk about NFP in an honest and loving way. 

So many women are now looking for more natural alternatives to the pill and other forms of contraception- maybe you could be the first person who has ever mentioned a healthier alternative. In a world where you can buy “natural” ketchup, these alternatives should be appealing to many.

Don’t be afraid to be honest- if you tried several methods and found one that works best for you, say that! That is a common experience for most women, regardless of whether they use NFP or not. 

Since many people still associate NFP with the rhythm method, speaking about the advances in our understanding of reproductive health can help to spread the word about this option for all women.

Another context in which you might be able to educate others about NFP is when you speak with your doctor or midwife. 

Many care providers are extensively trained in the different options available for contraception, and it’s part of their job to be able to provide evidence-based information to patients. However, those of us who use NFP often find that there is a knowledge deficit surrounding the use of fertility-awareness methods. 

This is a huge problem for all women, not just for Catholics. NaPro Technology has been useful for many couples who struggle with fertility issues but who wish to treat the cause, not just the symptoms.

Imagine if all providers were aware of this technology and knew how to refer their patients. Imagine if they learned it themselves! There would be better access to this care for all women. Don’t be afraid to ask questions of your doctors and nurses and to provide information to them as needed.

If you actively use but hate NFP, I’m still talking to you. You don’t have to keep silent, and in fact, you shouldn’t. 


Hearing about some of the difficulties that come along with using natural methods can help other married couples to not feel alone in their struggles. In particular, if there is an aspect of NFP that you struggle with that is related to confusion about a specific method or frustration regarding fertility options, speak up! This can call attention to areas that need further research or support. 

Speaking with your priest, bishop or others in your diocese who encounter families using NFP can also demonstrate that more resources are needed.

Discussing methods of natural family planning and fertility awareness is so important, not only in your own marriage, but for our society. So much of what we see in the media, hear at work, and even have internalized in ourselves is not consistent with what Catholics believe about sex, marriage, and family. 

Talk about NFP with your friends, married or single. Talk about it with your family, your coworkers, and your doctors. Talk about when you begin to date someone seriously. Keep talking about it with your spouse. 

Our conversations can create real change in our world.

About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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Side Effects of NFP: Stronger Communication and Deeper Intimacy

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BRIDGET BUSACKER

 

“Doesn’t talking about sex all the time remove the sponteineity?” 

I couldn’t help but wonder if Natural Family Planning (NFP) would drain the fun and spontaneity out of my relationship with my husband. The movies never showed sex as something thoughtful and planned. And, although I knew sex was sacred and beautiful, no one openly talked about their sex lives with me as an engaged person, so I really didn’t know what to expect. 

The process of picking a method and learning NFP was stressful enough, so I couldn’t help but be apprehensive that it might be just as stressful in practice in our marriage, too. That wasn’t exactly the rom-com experience I grew up watching and definitely didn’t desire a buzzkill effect in the bedroom.

After four years of practicing fertility awareness and learning more about the integration of NFP in our marriage, I learned that NFP isn’t a romance-killer, but rather the ultimate virtue builder and an honest conversation about intimacy, consent, and love. It didn’t kill romance for me, it shifted my skewed perception from a sex-obsessed culture that doesn’t integrate the reality of our personhood into the beautiful gift sex is.

NFP challenges my understanding of intimacy by pushing me to have open conversations about my cycle and my body (including my body image struggles). It is a space that invites me to openness--not just to life, but to my husband’s love. During times of trying to avoid pregnancy (TTA), we are both challenged in how we love each other in order to not get stuck or opt for our individual evenings. The nights we want to be together physically, but know we are not called to have a baby, we have to choose each other in new ways. It can be hard sometimes and we are reminded that this is a choice, not something forced upon us. 

In the moments of frustration, it requires us to refine our love and to get creative with each other. Sometimes, it’s a game night, a movie night with popcorn, a walk around our neighborhood and a stop at our parish’s Adoration Chapel, going to a brewery, playing cards in the park with snacks, reading a book out loud together. These are just a few ways we try to be creative and enjoy each other, being reminded that we don’t just appreciate each other’s bodies, we appreciate the person in front of us who we have the honor to love every day.

NFP pushes me to better understand consent and speak up for myself and my needs. I have to ask myself if I’m “not in the mood”, what are the motivating factors? Am I withholding love or the opportunity for closeness because I am overwhelmed? Do I need to ask for help to share the burden of what is causing me to say “no” (whatever it might be)? Am I tired? Am I feeling unloved in other areas? 

These are never easy questions to ask myself, but it’s necessary for me to get to the root of my reservations, in order to understand if it’s a valid reason or if I’m simply withholding due to other things going on that I need to communicate to my husband. 

Just because we are in a position based on my fertility to have sex while TTA doesn’t mean we have to have sex. NFP challenges both of us to remember that sex is a gift and it is sacred. It isn’t something to check off or abuse or take advantage of the other, but rather refine our hearts and our intentions. We also have a shared responsibility if we are choosing TTA versus trying to conceive (TTC); I have to be honest with myself and my husband about what’s going on emotionally, mentally and physically, and where I think God is calling us next in our marriage. 

This can be really hard to open up so honestly, but it is the great beauty of NFP which allows us to grow in intimacy and relationship by sharing our heart of hearts with someone we love so intricately.

NFP ultimately shifts my perspective about what love really is and how I’m called to love my husband in our marriage. 

Something that we say to each other often is, “We’re on the same team”. This phrase is a game-changer in all aspects of our marriage, but especially in regards to intimacy and sex. Even if we are struggling to agree or one of us may feel we’re in a position to have another child and the other is more hesitant, we are reminded that in order for our marriage to work and for sex to be valued, we have to remember that we ARE on the same team even if we aren’t perfectly aligning in the moment or season. 

This can be incredibly hard and refining and I won’t sugarcoat it: when you hear that NFP helps communication, it may not be in the way you expect it to be. Growing in virtue can be a painful process, but the outcome of pushing together and continuing to choose your spouse allows for beauty and a profound, abiding love to grow.

I was reminded of the reality of my marriage when a priest said, “Sometimes, your spouse is your cross. And, sometimes, you are your spouse’s cross.” But don’t we want to be refined? Don’t we want a beautiful love? Of course we do! We know through our own wounds and hurts that the world offers counterfeit love which never fulfills the deep longing we desire. Only God can ultimately fulfill us; yet, He shares with us the great vocation of marriage as a school of love. It is an education we never graduate from until we get to Heaven. 

Allow NFP to work in your heart, allow God to use this tool to refine your love, improve your communication with your spouse, and ultimately, cheer your teammate onto Heaven, our ultimate goal. 

If you liked this article, we hope you enjoy this episode of the Spoken Bride podcast featuring Bridget Busacker.

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

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Editors Share | Choosing One Method of NFP in Different Seasons of Life

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It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share our stories with you, as well. Today, the team shares about the factors and discernment that influenced which method of NFP they have chosen to practice.

For additional information, this post shares a more in-depth discussion on the different methods of Natural Family Planning.

Theresa Namenye, Contributing Writer

During marriage preparation, I learned about the Creighton Model of NFP. My cycles are extremely easy to track, so we did not have to be super diligent in order to effectively navigate my fertility for the first year of marriage. Now, being pregnant and/or breastfeeding, my body’s pattern seems to return to fertility after my baby is a year old, so we have not had to track for a while and would like our children to be spaced according to the return of my fertility. 

 

Gen Allen, Contributing Writer

We learned the Creighton Model of NFP during our engagement, but it taught me so much about my cycles that I wish I had learned it years before. In this season of life, we have transitioned to the Marquette method for ease of use while postpartum and breastfeeding. Marquette feels more objective to me, but I still use a lot of what I learned from Creighton to listen to what my body is telling me. 

 

Andi Compton, Business Director

We learned the Billings method when we were preparing to get married. We have used it loosely on and off as needed the past 13 years. At the time, the only teacher we knew of was a Protestant woman who lived near my husband and taught at a nearby parish—50 miles away from me.

Knowing my cycle has helped me figure out when my anxiety peaks and actually helped me save our 3rd daughter. My cycle was a hair off so I called my NaPro doctor. She had me immediately come in for a blood test to confirm pregnancy and got me started on progesterone to maintain the pregnancy. 

Eventually we switched to the Marquette method. Now have five children and have gained knowledge, experience, and trust in God over the years through NFP. We are currently using the Billings method again—paired with Apple Health for tracking—for simplicity in this season of our lives.

 

Bridget Busacker, Contributing Writer

I started charting my fertility in college and learned more about the specifics of NFP when I was engaged. I heard from my mom and married friends that it’s normal to change methods depending on lifestyle and season of life, so this took a lot of pressure off of us to find the “perfect method” for our marriage.

We started with the sympto-thermal method and now, being postpartum, we switched to a hormonal-only method. This switch to a new method was due to my hormonal shifts and breastfeeding, so we could accurately identify the return of my fertility and I could better understand my own body given so many changes that have occurred since having a baby.

I have loved charting my fertility because I am so much more in tune with my hormonal shifts and the ways it impacts me physically and emotionally. I’m also able to ask my doctor and practitioner specific questions about my health and point to trends that I notice with my emotional and physical health, that I would otherwise not pay attention to. Charting can be challenging and it can be difficult to learn a new method, but it has absolutely been worth it for my own health journey and detecting underlying hormonal challenges that have been addressed because of charting! 


Bringing God into Finances and Fertility

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BRIDGET BUSACKER

 

Finances can often be a source of frequent conversation and tension in marriage. When upholding marriage as free, total, faithful and fruitful, Catholic marriage—like Natural Family Planning (NFP)—requires an openness to the possibility of life.

We have to remember that, first and foremost, the Catholic Church’s teachings on marriage and family life are openness to life, not controlling life. NFP is a gift, a tool, to help couples learn and navigate the woman’s body when it comes to discerning family life.

PHOTOGRAPHY: DESIGNS BY JESSINA

PHOTOGRAPHY: DESIGNS BY JESSINA

In the context of costs, budgets and financial planning, anticipating the cost of a child can bring about a lot of fear. And frankly, the last thing you want to do in a moment of intimacy is think about money. 

If we purely live our married life out of worry and physical concern, then it is calculated and feels icky; we are not meant to live in the black-and-white of one reality. NFP requires us to live in the tension of our faith: both the physical and spiritual realities of our marriage. It is just as important to learn our marriage in its sacramentality as well as in its physical nature. 

On one end of the black-and-white spectrum, it is important to have all the finances associated with raising a child saved before beginning such an exhausting and financially treacherous journey. On the other end, it’s assumed that babies will come and you must be prepared to say yes to every fertile opportunity. Unlike these messages from the world, holy, Catholic marriages pursue the middle ground of these poles. 

Finances are an important topic for a couple to discuss because there are obvious realities: where to live, spending habits, mortgages, phone bills, diapers, etc. Without our faith, it can become very calculated and lacking in the bigger vision of our goal: Heaven. 

NFP requires conversation and discernment because there’s no way to skip the fertile phase each month. Avoiding sex during the fertile period of a woman’s cycle in order to avoid pregnancy requires prayerful discernment and conversation between husband and wife. This is much more challenging than using a form of physical birth control and talking about “what if” at a convenient time. We are challenged to remember that life is a gift and we have the opportunity to say “yes” to the adventure of raising a child and saying “yes” to generations. 

Planning and discernment are integral to the vocation to marriage; we can’t deny one or the other. Balance is much harder to strive for than simply picking one way to live. 

At its core, our life should be lived through our faith. Faith is the basis of our existence. It allows us to choose adventure when the world may tell us we’re foolish to live without fear of tomorrow. Christ promises to look out for us and take care of us, so while we are, in fact, called to be prudent and responsible, he fills the voids from our shortcomings. 

Living in the tension between the physical and the spiritual life requires us to prepare and use our finances, to be open to the gift of children, and, ultimately, to trust God in the integrated whole. 

There is an undeniable relationship between finances and fertility. A peace of heart and mind is achieved when finances and fertility are bound together with faith. 

God has a plan for you and he desires you to grow in relationship with him and your spouse. God will never give you something you can’t handle, including a child. It is a blessing to welcome life into the world. A blessing doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges or hardships, but it means that the gift outweighs the cost. 

Anything worth doing is worth fighting for.

There will be hard conversations and budgeting choices you have to make. There will be a learning curve as you begin to navigate NFP for the first time (or for the first time with a spouse). 

Building collaboration and intimacy in your marriage is a practice that, when offered to God, is affirmed with grace. Where there is struggle, there is growth; NFP certainly has its peaks and valleys, but it is worth it.

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

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The Three Methods of Natural Family Planning--and How to Choose the One for You

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BRIDGET BUSACKER

 

Exasperated, I looked at my fiance. We discussed NFP while dating and during engagement; we recognized the importance and the need for NFP in our marriage to help us grow in holiness. Although I had been charting for a few years and found great freedom in understanding my fertility and advocating for my health care needs, we didn’t realize there were so many different methods to choose from. 

We had scheduled a time to pick a Natural Family Planning (NFP) method during our engagement, but it was difficult to create a pros and cons list of each method and choose one to pursue as a couple. We thought that work had already been done, but here we were, 3 hours later, more frustrated than ever. 

It was through this experience that I founded Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of NFP resources for women and couples.

PHOTOGRAPHY: HER WITNESS

PHOTOGRAPHY: HER WITNESS

I didn’t want women and couples to experience what we had gone through; I desire to help facilitate conversations, create pros and cons lists, and simplify picking a method to help women—and their spouses—learn your body, embrace your fertility, and confidently move forward in your marriage.

So, you might be reading this and nodding along, frustrated by a similar situation. Maybe you don’t quite understand the importance of NFP in married life. Or maybe you want to find a different method, but you’re intimidated by all the options.

It can feel daunting. This is the method you are choosing to help you prayerfully discern family planning and embracing new life! But, as my (now) husband and I learned, and are learning, the many options help us to live out different seasons of married life together—prayerfully, open, and discerning every month. 

Let’s start at the beginning and review the foundation of NFP, so you and your partner feel confident picking a method, and can embrace this teaching of the Catholic Church with great joy and confidence! 

What is Natural Family Planning (NFP)?

Natural Family Planning is the definition given by the Catholic Church that supports the teaching on human sexuality and science of tracking fertility. The Catholic Church does not support the use of contraception of any kind as a means to avoid pregnancy. Rather, the Catholic Church supports a holistic approach of the woman (and couple, working together) tracking her cycles and determining fertile and infertile times. If the couple has prayerfully discerned avoiding pregnancy, abstinence is practiced during fertile times.

In 1972, the National Institute of Child Health & Human Development and the Human Life Foundation co-sponsored an international conference for NFP. Experts from around the world were in attendance and it was at this conference that the definition was developed to encompass the three commonly used methods: hormonal-only, mucus-only, and sympto-thermal. Then, in 1976, the World Health Organization (WHO) provided an official definition: “the naturally occurring physiological manifestation of fertile and infertile phases of the menstrual cycle”.

The Catholic Church supports fertility awareness based methods (FABMs), which are a way to track fertile and infertile times during the reproductive cycle and based on daily observations, which fluctuate each cycle. During fertile times, abstinence is practiced to avoid pregnancy. 

You may hear the term Fertility Awareness Methods (FAMs) trending in news articles and social media, so it’s important to know that these methods also track fertile and infertile times and follow daily observations of the cycle, but the difference is that barrier methods are used during fertile periods. And the Catholic Church doesn’t condone the use of barrier methods during fertile times to avoid pregnancy.

How many methods are there?

Now that we have the foundation of NFP and the two different umbrella terms for various methods (FABMs and FAMs), it’s time to break down the methods available under FABMs that are safe, effective, and supported by the Catholic Church and science (these go hand-in-hand and work together)!

There are three different types of FABMs: hormonal-only, mucus-only, and sympto-thermal.

Hormonal-only method | Detects production of key fertility hormones with daily at-home urine tests with an electronic fertility monitor and cross checking it with daily cervical mucus observations.

Mucus-only method | Teaches users how to observe biomarkers during the phases of the menstrual cycle, specifically, through observing and charting changes in the color and consistency of cervical mucus.

Sympto-thermal method | Based on the observations of cervical fluid, basal body temperature (waking temperature) and biological signs (i.e. changes in the cervix).

Under each of these methods, there are various organizations and instructors available, so that you can pick a method that works best for you.

Which one should I choose?

It is a great fortune to have so many options available. Although it can seem stressful, a variety of methods means you can pick what works best for you based on your season of life and lifestyle.

If you are someone who thrives on a schedule and wakes up at the same time every morning, the sympto-thermal method may be a great option for you because it not only requires checking cervical mucus throughout the day, you have an additional checkpoint of taking your temperature at the same time every morning.

Maybe you are expecting a baby and you would like to track your fertility postpartum, but know that hormones are adjusting and your fertility may not come back for a few months, so hormonal-only is a great option. It checks hormone levels in your urine and uses an electronic fertility monitor, while cross-checking mucus to help you navigate those early months as a new mom and beyond.

Perhaps you want something simple and you want to track your cervical mucus, preferring to learn one thing at a time. Then, the mucus-only methods are the best option for you! Checking your cervical mucus is a part of each method and may be just what you need to get started.

Take your time to learn about each method and ask questions of practitioners, so you feel comfortable and confident with the method you choose to move forward in your marriage.

Wherever you and your partner may be in your journey together, I hope this encourages you and inspires you to know that the Catholic Church supports you in understanding your body, recognizing the beauty of your fertility, and relying on scientific research that supports a holistic approach to your health. This journey is not easy, but it is rewarding to put in the work and understand how incredible your body truly is!

For additional professional NFP support and coaching, Spoken Bride’s Vendor Guide includes several NFP Instructors.

If you liked this article, we hope you enjoy this episode of the Spoken Bride podcast featuring Bridget Busacker.

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

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Our Favorite Quotes on Fruitful Love, on the Anniversary of Humanae Vitae

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This week, the Church commemorates 50 years since the publication of Blessed Pope Paul VI’s encyclical letter Humanae Vitae--translated as ”Of Human Life.” Drawing from the hundreds of years of Scripture and tradition on which the Church was founded, the letter was composed in response to a commission whose purpose was to evaluate the effects of newly and widely available contraceptives on society.

The Pope’s words praise the goodness of married love: he calls it “fully human,” involving both body and soul--the whole person--and imaging Christ’s free, faithful, total, and fruitful gift of self. Love like this reserves nothing and bears real fruit, ending not in death but in eternal life.

Life. Whether physically, spiritually, or both, all married couples are called to be abundant and allow new life to flow forth from their love.

Amid social pressure and speculation over whether the encyclical would “reverse” the Church’s directive that contraceptives are contrary to the nature of authentic love, Paul VI courageously maintained that artificial means of birth control are never in keeping with a sincere, unreserved gift of the self and exchange of persons.

After all, as he pointed out, the nature of love itself; the nature of Jesus’ sacrifice at Calvary, hadn’t changed since before the commission--how, then, could human beings change their imitation of this love, without changing the definition of love entirely? His appeals to logic--and his recognition that every person desires to be loved without conditions or limitations--draw attention to the high, yet attainable, calling of our path to heaven.

If you’ve never read Humanae Vitae, engagement and new marriage are ideal times to contemplate the love spouses are called to imitate; to be the human face of the Father’s love to one another in the particular way only they, as individuals, can.

What’s more, if the demands of love, and the Church’s reasoning on contraception, are difficult for you, take time to turn inward in prayer and ask the Lord if he’s calling you and your beloved to deeper understanding or a lifestyle change. He is merciful in all things and desires nothing less than our deepest happiness.

When the love of husband and wife mirrors the Father’s love as closely as possible, we are drawn more deeply into the heart of God and that much closer to the fulfillment and true flourishing on earth that he intends for us, his children.

This list of resources, including prayers, studies, and media, from the U.S. Bishops is a rich and accessible starting point. For your further contemplation and inspiration, we’ve compiled a selection of passages, from holy men and women past and present, that make us excited and motivated to live out love’s demands.

On authentic love

As a passion sublimated by a love respectful of the dignity of the other, [the relationship between spouses] becomes a “pure, unadulterated affirmation” revealing the marvels of which the human heart is capable. - Pope Francis

Self-discipline...is a shining witness to the chastity of husband and wife and, far from being a hindrance to their love of one another, transforms it by giving it a more truly human character...it brings to family life abundant fruits of tranquility and peace. - Humanae Vitae

For the Lord has entrusted to [spouses] the task of making visible to men and women the holiness and joy of the law which united inseparably their love for one another and the cooperation they give to God's love, God who is the Author of human life. - ibid

On the love of God

All love ends in an incarnation, even God’s. Love would not be love if it did not escape the limitation of individual existence by perpetuating itself...wherein death is defeated by life. - Ven. Fulton Sheen

The liberating message of the Gospel of Life has been put into your hands. - Saint John Paul II

Do you want to see the difference [between NFP and contraception]?...There’s nothing to fear. Trusting him is only threatening if he’s a tyrant. He’s not. He’s perfect love. Let go. Let him in. Trust him. - Christopher West

On family size, discernment, and infertility

The number is not in itself the decisive factor. The fact of having few or many children does not on its own make a family more or less Christian. What matters is the integrity and honesty with which married life is lived. True mutual love transcends the union of husband and wife and extends to its natural fruits — the children. Selfishness, on the contrary, sooner or later reduces love to a mere satisfaction of instinct and destroys the bond which unites parents and children. - St. Josemaria Escriva

I would therefore like to remind spouses in a condition of infertility, that this does not thwart their matrimonial vocation. Spouses are always called by their baptismal and matrimonial vocation itself to cooperate with God in the creation of a new human life. The vocation to love is in fact a vocation to the gift of self, and this is a possibility that no physical condition can prevent. Therefore, whenever science finds no answer, the answer that gives light comes from Christ. - Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

On sacrifice and its fruits

...the seeking [of Jesus]  is a going out from ourselves. It is a going out from our illusions, our limitations, our wishful thinking, our self-loving, and the self in our love. - Caryll Houselander

Want to be happy?…Lose your life in love and you will find it. Give your life away as a gift, and you’ll come to resurrection. - Bishop Robert Barron

The various forms of sacrifice include one positive similar meaning: Life is surrendered in order to be transformed and shared.” - Scott Hahn

On charity with regard to Church teaching

We are fully aware of the difficulties confronting the public authorities in this matter…"the only possible solution to this question is one which envisages the social and economic progress both of individuals and of the whole of human society, and which respects and promotes true human values." - Humanae Vitae

Now it is an outstanding manifestation of charity toward souls to omit nothing from the saving doctrine of Christ; but this must always be joined with tolerance and charity, as Christ Himself showed in His conversations and dealings with men. - ibid

On human nature

Our body is a cenacle, a monstrance; through its crystal the world should see God. - Saint Gianna Molla

Woman naturally seeks to embrace that which is living, personal, and whole. To cherish, guard, protect, nourish and advance growth is her natural, maternal yearning. - Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein)

For man cannot attain that true happiness for which he yearns with all the strength of his spirit, unless he keeps the laws which the Most High God has engraved in his very nature. These laws must be wisely and lovingly observed. - Humanae Vitae

As always, we at Spoken Bride are here for you. No matter where you’re coming from, no matter your opinion or experiences with this aspect of Church teaching, we’re committed to truly seeing and hearing you. We welcome your thoughts, your questions on married love and Natural Family Planning, and even your reservations and respectful disagreements, so know that you have the freedom to share them in the comments and on our social media. Consider this an invitation to conversation, with our hopes of living out our mission of truth, goodness, beauty, and authenticity with charity and productive dialogue.

Photography: Alyssa Michelle Photography, seen in How He Asked | Danielle + Jeff

 

NFP: What It Is, How It Works, and Why It Is a Blessing to Married Couples

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CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY 

It is NFP Awareness Week worldwide, and here at Spoken Bride, we couldn't pass up an opportunity to share the beauty of the Church's teaching on marriage, sexuality, and openness to life. We hope this post will be a helpful introduction or refresher for those of you are preparing for marriage, especially if your diocese or parish does not require an extensive course in NFP. Note that this is NOT an exhaustive resource on the Church's teaching or NFP. Please feel free to email us if you'd like any more information or want to hear about our personal experiences with NFP.

One of the most maligned and misunderstood teachings of the Church is her teaching on sexuality and chastity, specifically within the context of marriage. Some Catholics are under the impression that the Church requires everyone to have as many children as possible; some balk at the prohibition against contraception because it seems so unreasonable in the modern world; and some assume that since chastity is required before marriage, it must no longer be needed after a couple says, “I do.”

These misconceptions are completely understandable considering our current cultural climate, and the confusion that surrounds sexuality in general. The Church seems like a lone voice crying out in the wilderness of secular society, and it's often difficult for couples to hear that voice in the midst of the craziness of wedding planning. 

Erik Bello Photography.

Erik Bello Photography.

The Church’s teaching on marital sexuality

In reality, the Church’s teaching on marriage and sexuality is both beautiful and challenging--just like the Christian life in general. According to the Church, all men and women, regardless of their state in life, are called to practice the virtue of chastity. Chastity is the virtue (spiritual strength) that helps us to integrate our sexuality into the entirety of our being, in order to  truthfully love those we are sexually attracted to instead of using them.

The practice of this virtue looks different depending on one’s state of life. For married couples, chastity means respecting the reality of sex and sexuality: that God designed sexual intercourse to be a unitive and procreative expression of love between a husband and wife. Marital love should be freely given, faithful (emotionally and sexually exclusive), total (the gift of one’s entire self, including fertility), and fruitful (open to having biological children, if able, and adopting/making marriage fruitful in some other way if biological children are not a possibility). Chastity for married people also means avoiding any lustful thoughts or actions: using others (even their wife/husband) as a means of getting sexual pleasure.

This means that anything that thwarts either the unitive or procreative aspects of marital love-making is contrary to God’s design for marriage and sex, and must be avoided. Contraception (both hormonal contraceptives and barrier methods), pornography, adultery, and the like all fall into the “sins against chastity within marriage” category.


Most people can see why pornography and adultery are on the list...but contraception? Isn’t this the 21st century? Doesn’t contraception help marriages by giving couples and easy way to avoid having a child if it wouldn’t be convenient or good for the family to do so? How can the Church expect so much of couples?

The Church can ask married couples to be open to life for the same reason she can ask us to love our enemies, or care for the poor, or put the needs of others before our own: Christ entrusted the Church with the ability to dispense divine life (grace) via the Sacraments, and marriage is a Sacrament.

God never leaves us alone in our attempts to follow his will--he always provides us with the grace to grow in virtue and practice self-control.

Yes, it is easier (in some ways) to take a birth control pill or have an IUD inserted or use a condom each time you have sex than it is to practice Natural Family Planning, in which couples prayerfully discern whether or not to avoid or postpone pregnancy by abstaining from sex during the wife's fertile cycle. But the Christian life is not about what is easy, it’s about what is true, good, and beautiful. And once the physiological and spiritual differences between avoiding pregnancy via contraception and avoiding pregnancy based on Natural Family Planning methods becomes clear, it is evident that the Church, like any good mother, only wants what’s best for her children.

If this is the first time you’re learning this information, you (or your fiancé) may have some questions, which is great! The first step to trusting Christ and the Church is to be open to learning the reasons behind Catholic teaching. Below are the answers to several frequently asked questions (based on my experience as a theology teacher, RCIA instructor, and marriage prep catechist).

Erik Bello Photography.

Erik Bello Photography.

Frequently Asked Questions about NFP

I heard NFP is the rhythm method, and that the rhythm method isn’t reliable. Is that true?

No! NFP is not the rhythm method. You may have heard that it is because many of our parents and grandparents grew up thinking that was the only “natural” way to space children. Unfortunately, the rhythm method was based on the (faulty) idea that all women ovulate on day 14 of their cycle, which is not the case. Modern Natural Family Planning methods can be used by the majority of women, regardless of the regularity of their cycles, and are scientifically proven to be as effective as birth control when used correctly, because they are based on the observable signs of a woman’s fertility each month. Scroll down for a list of resources if you want to learn more about the different methods of NFP and which one would be best for you.

Isn’t NFP just “natural contraception”?

NFP can be used as a natural form of contraception, but that is not how the Church asks couples to use it. The Church teaches that couples must exercise prayerful and prudential judgment regarding avoiding/spacing pregnancy in each season of their marital life. This means that if a couple has a serious reason to avoid pregnancy or space your pregnancies, they may do so by not having sex during the fertile period of your cycle. It does not mean that Catholic couples may use NFP to indefinitely postpone/avoid pregnancy or avoid pregnancy for selfish reasons.

When is it okay to avoid/space your pregnancies?

The Church teaches that spouses should practice responsible parenting, meaning if a couple discerns that it is not the right time to have another child, the couple may avoid having sex during your fertile time until said problem is resolved. There is no obligation for couples to have sex during a woman’s fertile period each month. Therefore, it is not necessarily sinful to avoid pregnancy or space your pregnancies using NFP. However, it is essential that married couples prayerfully discern these decisions together, and, if need be, with a competent spiritual director.

What if I don’t want ten kids?

The Church does not teach that a woman must have as many children as her body can bear. Some couples are called to have large families, but not all. The important thing is, like in all aspects of the Christian life, to be open to the Lord’s plan being different from our plan. I know couples who desperately wanted to have large families and for whatever reason, have not been able to conceive or “only” have two or three kids. I know couples who never saw themselves having big families, but now have six, seven, or eight kids. Regardless of how many children a couple is blessed with, there will be crosses and difficulties and stressful situations. But there will also be the unspeakable joy that only comes when we let go of our plans and ideas and allow the Lord to take over.

WIll NFP ruin our sex life?

Using NFP to avoid pregnancy involves mutual sacrifice on the part of the husband and wife; it’s not easy to abstain from making love when a woman is fertile, nor is it easy to accept a child when he or she wasn’t “planned.” But it also involves increased communication between husband and wife, which can result in more intimacy, not less. The Church maintains that God would not ask something of us without giving us the grace to do it, which is one of the reasons why marriage is a Sacrament. That said, couples who practice NFP need the support and encouragement of like-minded couples, which is why building Catholic community in the local parish (or even online) is so important.

Do I have to learn/practice NFP?

Some couples have a “come what may” philosophy when it comes to family planning. They don’t learn or practice NFP (or use contraception). That is something that each couple must discern. However, it is a good idea to learn an NFP method in case you need it in the future to 1) become pregnant (this is actually one of the primary reasons why many couples practice NFP) or 2) avoid pregnancy should an issue arise later in your marriage. It’s also incredibly helpful for both husband and wife to understand and appreciate a woman’s cycle, especially if it is irregular. So many potential fertility issues can be resolved by practicing basic fertility awareness using NFP, and seeking out an NFP-only OB/GYN to address those issues.

Personally, I’m grateful that I began charting my cycle long before I met my husband, because I discovered that I have a progesterone deficiency, which can lead to difficulties becoming and/or staying pregnant. Thanks to NFP and my progesterone supplements, we are pregnant with our first child, and it only took us two cycles to conceive.

The bottom line:

Our perennial temptation as fallen human beings is to make idols. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we want to be our own gods, to make our own rules, and to live life on our terms. But if we’re honest with ourselves, we know how destructive that way of life is, even though it may seem easier in the short term. What Christ and the Church ask of us isn’t easy: surrender never is. But we’re not surrendering to a capricious God who wants us as his slaves; we’re surrendering to a loving Father who loves us as his children. Choosing to say “yes” to the Church’s teachings on marital chastity is not easy, but because God is the author of marriage and sex, following His commandments is the only true, good, and beautiful way to live out this vocation.

Resource List:

Books

Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla (St. John Paul II)

Humanae Vitae by Pope Paul VI

Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler (not Catholic, but a good resource on fertility awareness)

The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning by Simcha Fisher

Articles/Blog posts:

Contraception: Why Not? By Dr. Janet Smith

Why not just use birth control? Some possible right answers. & NFP in real life: hard, but worth it. (both by Jenny Uebbing of Mama Needs Coffee)

When Natural Family Planning doesn’t go according to your plan (by Christy Isinger of Fountains of Home)

NFP should be a part of parish life (by Haley Stewart of Carrots for Michaelmas)

Dear Newlywed: you’re probably worried about the wrong thing. (by Kendra Tierney of Catholic All Year)

Podcast: Uncharted Territory: Getting Real about Natural Family Planning (Jenny Uebbing, Haley Stewart, and Christy Isinger)

General fertility education:

Natural Womanhood

Indy Fertility Care Blog

In Touch Fertility

NFP Methods:

The Couple to Couple League (Sympto-thermal NFP)

The Billings Method of NFP

The Creighton Method of NFP

The Marquette Method of NFP

NFP-friendly Medical Providers:

The Guiding Star Project (holistic women’s health clinics)

NaProTECHNOLOGY Practitioners in the United States

 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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