Benefits of Charting Beyond the Bedroom

KIKI HAYDEN

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” 

PHOTOGRAPHY: GINA BALLINTYN PHOTOGRAPHY

Even after we learned that physical intimacy wouldn’t go as planned, my husband and I decided to continue to chart my cycles together. 

Charting together has been such an affirming experience for our marriage. The very act of charting together has helped us grow in virtue and deepen our  emotional intimacy in ways that I hadn’t anticipated.

Humility

During our engagement/betrothal, my husband and I attended an NFP class together. At the start of the class, I thought I knew everything there was to know about charting. After all, I’d read several textbooks about it and had been charting for some time before becoming engaged. 

Spoiler alert—I had a lot to learn. And I still do, even years later. A woman’s body and her cycles are deeply mysterious. I’m having to let go of my hubris and accept the humbling reality  that I’m not always right.

Impatient for my husband to learn the rules of the sympto-thermal method, I became anxious and spoke harshly to him. I didn’t want him to “mess up” my charts. Allowing him to participate in this sort of intimate medical record-keeping took a lot of trust and humility. It was (and is still) hard for me to let go of control.

The painful but necessary side effect of this is that I’m learning how to argue with my husband more respectfully. Often, I question his judgment on our charts, but I’m learning to bring it up in a more respectful way, open to the idea that perhaps he is right and I am wrong. Growing in humility isn’t my favorite activity, but it is definitely improving the way I communicate about conflict—even very personal conflict.

Trust

It’s difficult for me to allow my loved ones to make a mistake when I know I could have prevented it. My instinct is to jump in and just do it for them. I often think I know better than they do. This is especially true when I encounter someone who solves problems differently than I do.

My husband definitely solves problems differently than I do.

So you can imagine how frustrated I felt when I watched my husband incorrectly mark peak day or fail to identify a temperature rise. My responses were far from gracious.

“Can’t you see there are more fertile days? I’ll just mark peak day.” “You’re not following the formula. I’ll just mark the temperature rise.” “You aren’t working the app right. I’ll just do it.”

Eventually, there was nothing left for my husband to do. He felt left out. “I want to do this together,” he said.

It took a few years (and yes, I mean years) before we developed a rhythm for charting together. In different seasons of our marriage, our rhythm has changed to meet our current needs. But we always make sure that each of us has an important role. 

Currently, my husband records my temperature and I record my symptoms (fluid sign and medical symptoms like headaches). Together, we decide when to mark peak day, temperature rise, and the first day of my new cycle. We also talk with each other about the  patterns we notice with my physical symptoms. The extra communication involved in charting  together has increased our trust of each other and our respect for the  other’s thinking processes.

I’m learning (sometimes through gritted teeth) to trust my husband to contribute to my charts. And sometimes he has insights that I hadn’t noticed about my symptoms. Which brings me to the next benefit of charting I’d like to discuss.

Related: How Men Can Be Supportive in NFP

Caring for each other

My cycles are a hot mess. Not to get into details, but I have a lot of really awful menstrual symptoms, like brain fog and extreme fatigue. (Yes, I’m consulting doctors about this—don’t worry.)

Through trial and error, we’ve noticed that my brain fog seems worse when I forget to eat enough carbohydrates. So my husband, saint that he is, watches my chart carefully. The week of my period, he adds extra pasta to my plate, or bakes me some yummy homemade bread. (Did I mention that my husband is a saint?)

We know I’m liable to experience extreme fatigue at certain times during my cycle, so he’s proactive about helping me get extra rest during those times. He even picks up extra chores around the house so I don’t have as much to do when I get home from work.

If my morning temperature seems off, he lets me know. “Baby, you’re colder than usual for this time of the month.” And he throws extra blankets on me. Also, he’s the first to notice if I have a fever.

Although I don’t chart my husband’s health, I’m trying to reciprocate this intimacy and caring. I try to check in daily with my husband about how he is feeling—how are his stress levels? Does he have a headache or a stomachache? Does he have enough energy? What is his mood like? 

Sometimes I add extra protein or fiber or his favorite sweet treats to our grocery list, depending on his needs. And when I’m able, I try to pick up some extra chores so he can relax after dinner. I’m not as good at this as my husband is, but I’m trying to learn from him.

As we work to improve my health, I try  to encourage him on his health journey too. We’re both working on improving our posture and finding time to stretch and exercise even during a busy work week.

Even if intimacy doesn’t go as planned for you and your beloved, I encourage you to chart your cycles together. Teamwork during medical record-keeping can help you to grow in emotional intimacy as a couple, improve your trust and humility, and even help you to care for each other.

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About the Author: Kiki Hayden is a freelance writer and bilingual speech therapist living in Texas. She is a Byzantine Catholic. To read about how God has changed her life through speech therapy, check out her blog and/or connect with her on Instagram

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Finding Abundance During Seasons of Abstinence

BRIDGET BUSACKER

“We have to abstain AGAIN??”

PHOTOGRAPHY: MACKENZIE REITER

I remember looking at my app and reviewing my charted symptoms from the past few days and knew if we didn’t feel called to having children, we would need to abstain from sex that night.

And, I’ll be honest, I can remember many moments like this. At one point, my husband and I joked about having a song to capture our frustration, so we could jam it out. This might sound crazy, but these frustrations with Natural Family Planning (NFP) actually lead to good (and hard!) conversations for us about it. 

We have to choose to have an abundance mindset about NFP or to live in a space of scarcity whenever we discern that ovulation means abstaining in this particular season of our marriage.

We quickly realized that:

Firstly, the Catholic Church wasn’t forcing us to practice NFP. We have free will and could easily choose to throw it aside and use birth control. But, we knew through the education, training, and theology we had read how much we wanted this for our marriage. 

We read and saw couples practicing who truly spoke to the virtue building, finding creative ways to love each other, rooting out lust, and not treating our spouse as objects. We wanted that! But, like loving someone, it is a choice. And, to love my spouse fully, I need to choose NFP for our marriage to help me root out my own sinfulness and struggles when it comes to sex.

Secondly, we could hold a grudge during times of abstinence, or we could choose to see it as an opportunity to stretch, grow, and find creative ways to love each other. We quickly learned how limiting our creativity was and abstinence during each cycle really challenged us to refrain from complaining and be proactive in our love for one another.

Don’t get me wrong, we maintained honesty about our frustrations because it was helpful to articulate the roadblocks, our personal struggles with lust, and the temptation to focus on our own desires. 

But, we also celebrated our attraction to each other, the desire we have for one another, and the great gift of sex! We needed both in order to be on the same team and love each other fully, especially in seasons of abstinence.

So, we created a list. We didn’t follow it perfectly, we sometimes failed and fell into complaining, but it was the continual conversation that helped us (and continues to help us) grow in our love.

Ask each other about your favorite games, movies, meals, hobbies and what new things you want to try together. Explore each other’s interests and lean into the newness of trying the unfamiliar in an attempt to get to know your spouse and what they enjoy.

Related: Questions to Foster Emotional Intimacy

This time of abstinence can be hard because you love your spouse and you desire union with the other person you’ve given your life to. However, it can also be a time of abundance if we choose to make it as such. 

If you find yourselves really struggling, reach out to your instructor or another couple you trust and share what’s going on. It can help to talk to someone outside of your marriage when it’s hard to see the opportunities or when it just feels downright painful. Just remember that you are not in this alone in this season of abstinence! 

NFP challenges each couple to determine what God is calling each of us to and we discern the best we can. You’re not failing at NFP if abstinence is hard. You’re doing it right if the struggle is real and the pain is evident. The fire of NFP is absolutely purifying, but you and your spouse can come out stronger together!

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About the Author: Bridget Busacker is founder of Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of Natural Family Planning (NFP) resources for women and couples. She is on a mission to fuse the science of Fertility Awareness Based Methods (FABMs) and Theology of the Body (TOB) into the everyday practice of NFP. Bridget is passionate about women’s health and sex education that promotes the dignity of the human person by integrating a holistic approach to self-knowledge of the body.

Managing Your Fertility: WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER | FACEBOOK

How Men Can Be Supportive in NFP

BRIDGET BUSACKER

Every couple’s NFP journey looks different, especially in regards to the role the husband plays in it. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT AS SEEN IN ROBYN AND GREG’S SPRING-INSPIRED WEDDING

Some couples split the tasks of charting, with the woman checking her mucus sensations and the husband inputting the data into the chart. Others talk about the chart findings that the woman recorded each day. Some are altogether separate in the process, aside from regular communication about family planning (which is usually inevitable when using NFP). 

There is no one way to practice NFP as a couple. It’s all about finding what works for you both and falling forward together. You are on a journey to understand the woman’s fertility and how to navigate the conversations of family planning with God at the center of your discussions. 

It’s not always sunshine and roses and there can be painful or hard seasons with practicing NFP, but it’s through the painful moments that we grow and we come out stronger.

Ultimately, men do have a role in NFP, but it doesn’t need to focus on the specifics of charting. 

What men, husbands, need to do in the realm of NFP is to acknowledge the work of charting and the beauty of the woman’s, wife’s, body as its own - her own - beautiful, God-given masterpiece.

NFP invites men and women not to see each other as objects, but rather as subjects. And, these subjects are meant to be loved, cherished, and cared for by both spouses, reciprocating a Christ-like love in the journey of their marriage. This can be a purifying fire, but one that helps to forge and create newness within the relationship.

As a husband, you will be challenged to strip away the lust that cries in your heart through the practice of NFP. 

What does this look like? It looks different for every marriage and it is your duty - your great honor - to find ways to love your wife in this space that best fits you both. 

It might look like coming up with a list of creative ways to love your wife when you’re in a season of abstinence and you’ve prayerfully discerned that God is not calling you to have a baby. 

You can offer a sympathetic ear to your wife who finds charting hard or frustrating instead of trying to immediately fix the problem. 

You may find ways to introduce foreplay into your sex life to help your spouse feel more loved and encouraged in intimacy together, so that you both find it enjoyable. 

Again, this is about your marriage, so get creative. Understanding what makes your spouse feel known and loved is powerful knowledge, especially in seasons of abstinence.

Related: How to Connect With Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy

Most importantly, it’s striving to keep communication open and praying for your marriage and your sex life regularly, asking God to help purify your love for your wife. 

NFP is not always easy, but it provides an opportunity for authentic connection, increased intimacy, and rooting out lust in your hearts, so that you can have a thriving marriage and sex life.

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About the Author: Bridget Busacker is founder of Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of Natural Family Planning (NFP) resources for women and couples. She is on a mission to fuse the science of Fertility Awareness Based Methods (FABMs) and Theology of the Body (TOB) into the everyday practice of NFP. Bridget is passionate about women’s health and sex education that promotes the dignity of the human person by integrating a holistic approach to self-knowledge of the body.

Managing Your Fertility: WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER | FACEBOOK

When It’s Time to Switch NFP Methods

BRIDGET BUSACKER

There’s a mentality within the “NFP world” that once you pick a method, you have to stick with it until you hit menopause. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: LAURENTINA PHOTOGRAPHY + VIDEO

But, the reality is that your body changes, just as the seasons do, and what method works for you during your first years as a newlywed may not work as well postpartum. 

Of course, this isn’t to say that you will need to switch; ultimately, if you’re happy with your method and it’s working for you and your spouse, that’s what matters most! 

However, if you find you’re struggling or something just isn’t working, know that switching methods is a viable option. In fact, it is pretty common. 

But how do you determine whether your method of NFP is right for you?

Sit down with your spouse and talk about it

Ask yourselves what’s working and what’s not going so well in your charting journey together. Are there aspects of this particular method that are hard? Are certain protocols challenging and it’s just not working super well? Is it the technology you’re using and not so much the method itself? 

As an example, if you’re using a sympto-thermal method and it’s really hard to take your temperature at the exact same time every morning, instead of using an over-the-counter thermometer from your local drugstore, try investing in Tempdrop. You can wear it as you sleep and it monitors your temperature, so you don’t have to fumble with a thermometer at 6a (or whatever time it might be for you). 

Related: Three Methods of Natural Family Planning and How to Choose the One for You

Be sure to get granular in your questions with each other. There’s no shame if it’s hard to do a particular aspect of charting. Different methods exist for a reason, so it doesn’t mean that you’re failing at NFP. 

Talk to your practitioner

Once you’ve nailed down the issues and challenges of charting, make sure to reach out to your practitioner and have a conversation with them. Tell them your struggles, what’s working, what’s not, and let them help you process and find solutions. 

Most likely, this person will be able to speak more specifically to your struggles to help you determine changes you need to make within your practice or when it’s time to make a change. 

If you find that your practitioner is not understanding or isn’t listening to you, it’s time to break up and work with someone else. This can feel hard, but ultimately, this is about you and your health care journey!

Looking for a NFP practitioner? Check out these Catholic options. 

Switch to a new practitioner

If you need to make the hard call to switch practitioners, that’s okay, too! 

Sometimes, when a method is hard, it might mean you might need a new practitioner to help you navigate the challenges to find solutions. You want to be with someone you feel like you can be honest with and ask questions. You shouldn’t feel the need to apologize or not ask something because you’re uncertain of how they will react or judge you. This is a judgement-free zone! 

So, how do you switch practitioners? Be sure to reach out to either a designated email provided or a general email and explain your situation. You’ll be connected with someone within the organization that can help you find someone new to work with. It’s that easy - really!

It’s time to change methods

If you find that, even with a practitioner change, it’s still not getting any better and it’s just not working out for you, it’s time to make the method switch. 

This can feel daunting, but there are great resources available to help you find a different method that works better for you and your lifestyle! There’s no “one way” to practice NFP in your marriage, so there’s no need to feel ashamed or overwhelmed that you’re stuck. 

I recommended using Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop of NFP resources for women and couples that I designed out of my own personal frustrations with trying to compare and contrast available methods. This resource allows you to compare different methods and find one that works best for you based on commonly asked questions.

The practice of NFP can be challenging in and of itself (it’s the ultimate virtue builder!), so there’s no need to make it twice as hard by pushing your way through a method that really doesn’t fit your needs or your lifestyle. 

You need a method that allows you to feel confident in your tracking and makes you feel empowered. There’s nothing wrong with that! 

The challenges of NFP come with the seasons of marriage, so make sure the wrong method for you isn’t one of them. There are always options and great practitioners available to help you on your charting journey. You’ve got this!

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About the Author: Bridget Busacker is founder of Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of Natural Family Planning (NFP) resources for women and couples. She is on a mission to fuse the science of Fertility Awareness Based Methods (FABMs) and Theology of the Body (TOB) into the everyday practice of NFP. Bridget is passionate about women’s health and sex education that promotes the dignity of the human person by integrating a holistic approach to self-knowledge of the body.

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Is NFP Just "Catholic Birth Control?"

BRIDGET BUSACKER

Is Natural Family Planning (NFP) just “Catholic Birth Control?” 

The Church’s teaching on the use of Natural Family Planning and the distinction between it and the various forms of contraception can be difficult to understand.  I myself have struggled to find a concise way of explaining it.

This article will break down the differences between them and provide you some resources to help you learn more.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SARAH WIRTH PHOTOGRAPHY

What’s NFP again?

NFP is the terminology used by the Roman Catholic Church to embrace the teachings on Theology of the Body and the application of fertility awareness based methodology.

The Catholic Church embraces - and encourages couples to embrace - the integration of faith and science in their marriage. She supports women understanding their bodies for greater self-awareness, which leads to greater self-control. Not birth control.

Read more: NFP: What It Is, How It Works, and Why it is a Blessing to Married Couples

A virtue builder

Let’s not pretend that NFP isn’t hard. Sometimes, as in the case of abstinence, it can be downright painful. But, this is where the spiritual reality of NFP must be paired with the physical reality of charting. 

Fertility awareness is an amazing tool for a woman and/or couple to utilize in order to better understand and respect the female physiology. By choosing to practice Natural Family Planning and discern family life together, you challenge the cultural narrative (dating back to the Fall of Adam and Eve) of treating individuals as objects rather than persons. 

When we actively practice NFP in marriage, we seek to love the other beyond ourselves, our own desires, and even our wounds because in doing so we choose to deny ourselves for the sake of the other. 

We tend to glorify the sacrificial, brooding love in young lovers, but we despairingly laugh when this type of sacrificial love is practiced in true, sometimes awkward, intimacy in marriage. 

NFP challenges a husband and wife to love each other in creative ways and navigate difficult seasons of abstinence. It allows sex to be truly unitive and couples to have a love that is free, total, faithful, and fruitful.

We have to be willing to re-integrate a worldview of virtue back into our bedrooms.

This can be hard when a common American lifestyle prioritizes the global good over the local good, and preaches a gospel of personal sacrifice to gods of degeneration: money, food, pleasure. 

But ours is a God of “generation,” that is, of life.

The practical aspects of NFP

NFP challenges married couples to discern and have important conversations about family life and the intention of achieving pregnancy.

Hormonal contraception presents an unnatural and frankly, offensive approach to the female physiology by shutting down a healthy, functioning system. These synthetic hormones create withdrawal bleeds in women (no, it’s not a real period) and can cause a host of other health problems.

But, what about a condom? There are no hormones messing the system up and it’s responsible, right?

According to the Catholic Church and our understanding of sacrificial love, no, it’s not. It’s a bandaid solution to a deeper reality: our fear of sacrifice to love fully.

The use of contraception (both hormonal and barrier methods) may seem like an easier solution, but would it point us to the deeper reality of a free, total, faithful, fruitful love? Would it help us become saints? Of course not!

Something that contraception doesn’t allow for: conception.

The beauty of NFP is its ability to not only avoid pregnancy as needed, but to also achieve pregnancy with a holistic approach to and respect of a woman’s body in its entirety. It’s welcoming the man and woman’s bodies into the marriage fully, without muzzling any part of them. That is full love.

I don’t know about you, but the fact that my husband doesn’t ask me to shut down part of myself makes me feel fully loved and respected as a woman.

NFP integrates new life (either potential or actual) and existing life, that of two loving spouses. Contraception sterilizes the act, dislocating the life-giving nature of sex.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SARAH WIRTH PHOTOGRAPHY

A love that is procreative & unitive

NFP is not “Catholic birth control” because it embraces the Catholic Church’s teaching that sex is intended to be both procreative and unitive. 

This doesn’t mean that you are supposed to try to conceive every time you have sex; instead, it means that you must discern your family life together as a couple, through embracing the woman’s reproductive system and her fertility. 

The woman’s body is designed by our Creator with times of fertility and infertility, just as in the Creation account, God both worked and rested. 

“In [fertility awareness] the married couple rightly use a faculty provided them by nature. In [birth control] they obstruct the natural development of the generative process.”

If you discern that you need to avoid pregnancy for a season (refer to Humane Vitae in the additional reading list below for a framework of discernment), then you abstain from sex during the fertile period of the woman’s cycle. In doing so, you are not taking away one of two integral aspects of sex. 

This is a difficult teaching, but only a fool would argue that virtue should be avoided because it is difficult. 

This is a bold and radical way of living; you are invited to surrender and trust the Lord in a new (and sometimes difficult) way. By choosing to practice NFP, you choose to fully embrace your spouse, your fertility, and the plan God has for your life.

Additional reading:

Humanae Vitae by Pope Paul VI

Why NFP is not Contraception by the USCCB

Why I don’t refer to Fertility Awareness as Contraception by Emily Frase

Natural Family Planning and the Myth of Catholic Contraception by Michael Wee

If you liked this article, we hope you enjoy this episode of the Spoken Bride podcast featuring Bridget Busacker.

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About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

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Using NFP Won't Just Affect You

GENEVIEVE ALLEN

Most married couples who use Natural Family Planning will tell you that it can be difficult. For some, this is an understatement. 

However, we know that NFP can improve marriages by allowing couples to grow together in the holiness that comes with sacrifice.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KAITLYN HEACOCK PHOTOGRAPHY

When you make the choice to use NFP in your marriage, it often feels like a decision that will impact you and your spouse- and only you and your spouse. 

While it is true that natural family planning is an intimate act of intentional submission to the will of God for your family, the effects of this submission can affect not only your family, but the world.

The obvious evidence of this is, of course, children. Accepting children is the “supreme gift” of marriage, and the creation of new souls should not be taken lightly. 

Spouses should discern the planning of this gift through an open and ongoing conversation with God, but ultimately, NFP is about more than just the nuclear or even the extended family.

Consider the conversations that many of us have had with coworkers or friends who are not Catholic. When the subject of family planning arises, how do we respond? Certainly, it is our right to decline to talk about intimate topics which might make us uncomfortable. 

However, if you feel called to speak, think about what a witness you might be if you talk about NFP in an honest and loving way. 

So many women are now looking for more natural alternatives to the pill and other forms of contraception- maybe you could be the first person who has ever mentioned a healthier alternative. In a world where you can buy “natural” ketchup, these alternatives should be appealing to many.

Don’t be afraid to be honest- if you tried several methods and found one that works best for you, say that! That is a common experience for most women, regardless of whether they use NFP or not. 

Since many people still associate NFP with the rhythm method, speaking about the advances in our understanding of reproductive health can help to spread the word about this option for all women.

Another context in which you might be able to educate others about NFP is when you speak with your doctor or midwife. 

Many care providers are extensively trained in the different options available for contraception, and it’s part of their job to be able to provide evidence-based information to patients. However, those of us who use NFP often find that there is a knowledge deficit surrounding the use of fertility-awareness methods. 

This is a huge problem for all women, not just for Catholics. NaPro Technology has been useful for many couples who struggle with fertility issues but who wish to treat the cause, not just the symptoms.

Imagine if all providers were aware of this technology and knew how to refer their patients. Imagine if they learned it themselves! There would be better access to this care for all women. Don’t be afraid to ask questions of your doctors and nurses and to provide information to them as needed.

If you actively use but hate NFP, I’m still talking to you. You don’t have to keep silent, and in fact, you shouldn’t. 

Hearing about some of the difficulties that come along with using natural methods can help other married couples to not feel alone in their struggles. In particular, if there is an aspect of NFP that you struggle with that is related to confusion about a specific method or frustration regarding fertility options, speak up! This can call attention to areas that need further research or support. 

Speaking with your priest, bishop or others in your diocese who encounter families using NFP can also demonstrate that more resources are needed.

Discussing methods of natural family planning and fertility awareness is so important, not only in your own marriage, but for our society. So much of what we see in the media, hear at work, and even have internalized in ourselves is not consistent with what Catholics believe about sex, marriage, and family. 

Talk about NFP with your friends, married or single. Talk about it with your family, your coworkers, and your doctors. Talk about when you begin to date someone seriously. Keep talking about it with your spouse. 

Our conversations can create real change in our world.

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About the Author: Genevieve currently practices as a lactation consultant and blogs with her sister Kat Finney for The Sister Post, a blog offering two perspectives on everything from spiritual discernment to baby gear. Genevieve and her husband Dalton began dating on the feast of St. Joseph. They have two children.

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Turning to the Eucharist When Physical Intimacy is Complicated

KIKI HAYDEN

If you, like me, are in a situation that doesn’t allow full sexual union with your spouse, you are not alone. You are worthy of love and fidelity, and your marriage is a beautiful icon of God’s graces. Through prayer, this cross can bring you and your beloved closer to Jesus and each other.

Whatever the reason for abstaining, and no matter how long the period of abstinence lasts, know this: your marriage is blessed—with or without sexual intercourse.

Photography: Amy and Kyle Catholic Photography

God provides graces through the sacrament of marriage, even when sexual intercourse isn’t an option or doesn’t work for some reason. The Catholic Church teaches us that sex is a gift from God, which means we are not entitled to it nor is it required of us. And the good news is that through prayer, God can provide all the graces of a physical sacrament even when the sacrament is not available to us. This is true of the Eucharist, and I strongly believe it is also true of sexual intercourse in marriage.

There are many reasons a couple may abstain from intercourse. The beautiful (and healthy!) practice of Natural Family Planning calls for couples to abstain periodically when they do not feel called to seek pregnancy. For some couples, the fertile window is narrow, but for women experiencing irregular menstruation due to difficulty ovulating, the fertile window may last a long time. Military couples are keenly aware of the trials of long term abstinence when one spouse is deployed far away. For some couples, attempts at sexual intercourse do not go as planned and must be left unfinished due to pain or physical limitations. 

Related: One wife’s testimony of fidelity and growth through extended abstinence

In such cases, the Lord calls us to be compassionate with our partners and ourselves. For couples suffering from sexual pain or dysfunction, this period of abstinence may last a long time and occasionally is indefinite. If you are in such a situation, don’t lose hope. The Lord still blesses your marriage abundantly.

Let’s pause to look at another act of physical intimacy: the Eucharist. Jesus allows us to eat His body and blood, soul and divinity. He gets stuck between our teeth. He travels throughout our body to literally nourish us with His own. What could be more intimate than this?

And yet God is not limited or defined by the sacraments. Not even the Eucharist.

There are, unfortunately, many reasons not to attend Mass: work schedules, sickness, lack of access, persecution. And most of us have experienced the absence of the physical sacrament of the Eucharist during the 2020 pandemic.

Does this separation from the Eucharist somehow invalidate our relationship with Jesus or deem it “un-sacramental”? Of course not. As with physical expression of our sexuality, the Eucharist is a gift, not a right. When we truly desire union with Jesus, He can overcome any obstacles to bring us the graces of the sacrament. He can even overcome the obstacle of abstinence itself.

An act of spiritual communion begins with an ardent desire to be united with Jesus. A favorite is this Prayer of Spiritual Communion written by Saint Alphonsus Liguori. Of course, anyone can say a prayer of spiritual communion using their own words. Pope Saint John Paul II wrote, “The practice of “spiritual communion”… has happily been established in the Church for centuries and [is] recommended by saints who were masters of the spiritual life.”

According to Saint Thomas Aquinas in Summa Theologiae, III, “In another way one may eat Christ spiritually, as He is under the sacramental species, inasmuch as a man believes in Christ, while desiring to receive this sacrament; and this is not merely to eat Christ spiritually, but likewise to eat this sacrament.” Fr. Michael Gaitley sums up this teaching of Aquinas beautifully in his book Consoling the Heart of Jesus: “A person who fervently makes such a prayer of spiritual communion can receive the same grace as one who fervently receives Sacramental Communion!”

If God can overcome our abstinence from the Eucharist, He can also overcome our abstinence from sexual intercourse in marriage. Abstinence, even for extended periods of time, does not invalidate a marriage nor somehow “block” God from giving a couple the full graces of the sacrament.

I propose a new kind of prayer, modeled on the act of spiritual communion: the act of spiritual union.

This is a prayer for spouses in a time of abstinence, whether by choice or forced circumstance, whether briefly or for extended periods of time. Here is an example that my husband and I pray frequently:

“Lord, we believe You have called us into the vocation of marriage. Although we do not have access to physical intercourse right now, we trust in You. Please grant us the full graces and unity of marriage so our love for each other may bring us closer to Your Sacred Heart.”

This prayer may not take away the pain and longing spouses feel during a time of abstinence. But it can certainly bring a marriage closer to Jesus. And growing in faith together is a beautiful way to live out the vocation of marriage.

One last thought: if you and your beloved struggle sexually or are in a period of extended abstinence, remember that the Holy Family, the very model of marriage, was an abstinent relationship. The Virgin Mary and Joseph her Most Chaste Spouse can pray with you and for you.

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About the Author: Kiki Hayden is a freelance writer and bilingual Speech Therapist living in Texas. She is a Byzantine Catholic. 

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It's Okay that NFP is Hard.

BRIDGET BUSACKER

“It’s like the honeymoon phase, over and over again.”

But, what if it’s hard? What if the season feels unending and the sacrifice of Natural Family Planning (NFP) can feel like it’s pulling your marriage apart rather than together?

Photography: Laurentina Photography + Video

But, if it feels scary or intimidating, it’s okay. You’re not alone, physically or spiritually.

What does this mean? It means that there are providers to walk with you to help you learn a method and ask questions (or to switch if the method or individual you’re working with just isn’t a good fit).

It means there is support available through great therapists. It means that Jesus understands the ache, the pain, of giving and hurting and—ultimately—loving to the end.

When we sugarcoat NFP, we sugarcoat the cross. We miss the mark of its purpose and we forget the true nature of NFP. It is a tool meant to sanctify us. It’s not meant to make everything comfortable and easy because we are not made for comfort in this life, we are made for greatness to become saints and to shed ourselves of the vices we struggle with and the sins we commit.

We can’t do this only with our spouse. We need Christ at the center. When we practice NFP, Jesus must be at the center of our marriage, so that when the storms come and the hardships hit us, we not only find ways to lean into each other, we lean into Jesus - the One who knows suffering so deeply and knows what it means to suffer out of love, too.

Romans 12:1-2: “I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship. Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.”

Our bodies are a living sacrifice of love to each other, to God, in the great mystery of sex and the “yes” we give when we are open to new life. NFP asks us not to be conformed to this age of birth control, but to the renewal of love as God intended it and created us for. It challenges us to live out a love of responsible parenthood, abstinence during the fertile phase, discernment, prayer, and asking God to be actively a part of your sex life.

These are not easy or light—these can sometimes feel like great burdens to carry, but remember that Christ took it upon Himself to carry your burdens, your ache, your hurt on his way to Calvary, ultimately being nailed to the Cross to make us new.

NFP is capable of making us new, encouraging us to grow in virtue, and challenging us to grow in love.

Not a romantic comedy kind of love that promotes quick flings, fast relationships, and cheap sex, but rather faithfulness, permanence, and abiding love physically and emotionally with your spouse.

So, when we say that NFP is easy or beautiful, it’s true; it can be. But, if you’re struggling or find it hard, that’s okay, too. It means your love is being refined and, although not fun or comfortable, you are being asked to participate in the greatness of real, deep love.

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About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

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Side Effects of NFP: Stronger Communication and Deeper Intimacy

BRIDGET BUSACKER

“Doesn’t talking about sex all the time remove the sponteineity?” 

I couldn’t help but wonder if Natural Family Planning (NFP) would drain the fun and spontaneity out of my relationship with my husband. The movies never showed sex as something thoughtful and planned. And, although I knew sex was sacred and beautiful, no one openly talked about their sex lives with me as an engaged person, so I really didn’t know what to expect. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: SIMPLE HEART PHOTOGRAPHY

The process of picking a method and learning NFP was stressful enough, so I couldn’t help but be apprehensive that it might be just as stressful in practice in our marriage, too. That wasn’t exactly the rom-com experience I grew up watching and definitely didn’t desire a buzzkill effect in the bedroom.

After four years of practicing fertility awareness and learning more about the integration of NFP in our marriage, I learned that NFP isn’t a romance-killer, but rather the ultimate virtue builder and an honest conversation about intimacy, consent, and love. It didn’t kill romance for me, it shifted my skewed perception from a sex-obsessed culture that doesn’t integrate the reality of our personhood into the beautiful gift sex is.

NFP challenges my understanding of intimacy by pushing me to have open conversations about my cycle and my body (including my body image struggles). It is a space that invites me to openness--not just to life, but to my husband’s love. During times of trying to avoid pregnancy (TTA), we are both challenged in how we love each other in order to not get stuck or opt for our individual evenings. The nights we want to be together physically, but know we are not called to have a baby, we have to choose each other in new ways. It can be hard sometimes and we are reminded that this is a choice, not something forced upon us. 

In the moments of frustration, it requires us to refine our love and to get creative with each other. Sometimes, it’s a game night, a movie night with popcorn, a walk around our neighborhood and a stop at our parish’s Adoration Chapel, going to a brewery, playing cards in the park with snacks, reading a book out loud together. These are just a few ways we try to be creative and enjoy each other, being reminded that we don’t just appreciate each other’s bodies, we appreciate the person in front of us who we have the honor to love every day.

NFP pushes me to better understand consent and speak up for myself and my needs. I have to ask myself if I’m “not in the mood”, what are the motivating factors? Am I withholding love or the opportunity for closeness because I am overwhelmed? Do I need to ask for help to share the burden of what is causing me to say “no” (whatever it might be)? Am I tired? Am I feeling unloved in other areas? 

These are never easy questions to ask myself, but it’s necessary for me to get to the root of my reservations, in order to understand if it’s a valid reason or if I’m simply withholding due to other things going on that I need to communicate to my husband. 

Just because we are in a position based on my fertility to have sex while TTA doesn’t mean we have to have sex. NFP challenges both of us to remember that sex is a gift and it is sacred. It isn’t something to check off or abuse or take advantage of the other, but rather refine our hearts and our intentions. We also have a shared responsibility if we are choosing TTA versus trying to conceive (TTC); I have to be honest with myself and my husband about what’s going on emotionally, mentally and physically, and where I think God is calling us next in our marriage. 

This can be really hard to open up so honestly, but it is the great beauty of NFP which allows us to grow in intimacy and relationship by sharing our heart of hearts with someone we love so intricately.

NFP ultimately shifts my perspective about what love really is and how I’m called to love my husband in our marriage. 

Something that we say to each other often is, “We’re on the same team”. This phrase is a game-changer in all aspects of our marriage, but especially in regards to intimacy and sex. Even if we are struggling to agree or one of us may feel we’re in a position to have another child and the other is more hesitant, we are reminded that in order for our marriage to work and for sex to be valued, we have to remember that we ARE on the same team even if we aren’t perfectly aligning in the moment or season. 

This can be incredibly hard and refining and I won’t sugarcoat it: when you hear that NFP helps communication, it may not be in the way you expect it to be. Growing in virtue can be a painful process, but the outcome of pushing together and continuing to choose your spouse allows for beauty and a profound, abiding love to grow.

I was reminded of the reality of my marriage when a priest said, “Sometimes, your spouse is your cross. And, sometimes, you are your spouse’s cross.” But don’t we want to be refined? Don’t we want a beautiful love? Of course we do! We know through our own wounds and hurts that the world offers counterfeit love which never fulfills the deep longing we desire. Only God can ultimately fulfill us; yet, He shares with us the great vocation of marriage as a school of love. It is an education we never graduate from until we get to Heaven. 

Allow NFP to work in your heart, allow God to use this tool to refine your love, improve your communication with your spouse, and ultimately, cheer your teammate onto Heaven, our ultimate goal. 

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If you liked this article, we hope you enjoy this episode of the Spoken Bride podcast featuring Bridget Busacker.

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

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Editors Share | Choosing One Method of NFP in Different Seasons of Life

It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share our stories with you, as well. Today, the team shares about the factors and discernment that influenced which method of NFP they have chosen to practice.

For additional information, this post shares a more in-depth discussion on the different methods of Natural Family Planning.

PHOTOGRAPHY: CLAIRE WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

Theresa Namenye, Contributing Writer

During marriage preparation, I learned about the Creighton Model of NFP. My cycles are extremely easy to track, so we did not have to be super diligent in order to effectively navigate my fertility for the first year of marriage. Now, being pregnant and/or breastfeeding, my body’s pattern seems to return to fertility after my baby is a year old, so we have not had to track for a while and would like our children to be spaced according to the return of my fertility. 

Gen Allen, Contributing Writer

We learned the Creighton Model of NFP during our engagement, but it taught me so much about my cycles that I wish I had learned it years before. In this season of life, we have transitioned to the Marquette method for ease of use while postpartum and breastfeeding. Marquette feels more objective to me, but I still use a lot of what I learned from Creighton to listen to what my body is telling me. 

Andi Compton, Business Director

We learned the Billings method when we were preparing to get married. We have used it loosely on and off as needed the past 13 years. At the time, the only teacher we knew of was a Protestant woman who lived near my husband and taught at a nearby parish—50 miles away from me.

Knowing my cycle has helped me figure out when my anxiety peaks and actually helped me save our 3rd daughter. My cycle was a hair off so I called my NaPro doctor. She had me immediately come in for a blood test to confirm pregnancy and got me started on progesterone to maintain the pregnancy. 

Eventually we switched to the Marquette method. Now have five children and have gained knowledge, experience, and trust in God over the years through NFP. We are currently using the Billings method again—paired with Apple Health for tracking—for simplicity in this season of our lives.

Bridget Busacker, Contributing Writer

I started charting my fertility in college and learned more about the specifics of NFP when I was engaged. I heard from my mom and married friends that it’s normal to change methods depending on lifestyle and season of life, so this took a lot of pressure off of us to find the “perfect method” for our marriage.

We started with the sympto-thermal method and now, being postpartum, we switched to a hormonal-only method. This switch to a new method was due to my hormonal shifts and breastfeeding, so we could accurately identify the return of my fertility and I could better understand my own body given so many changes that have occurred since having a baby.

I have loved charting my fertility because I am so much more in tune with my hormonal shifts and the ways it impacts me physically and emotionally. I’m also able to ask my doctor and practitioner specific questions about my health and point to trends that I notice with my emotional and physical health, that I would otherwise not pay attention to. Charting can be challenging and it can be difficult to learn a new method, but it has absolutely been worth it for my own health journey and detecting underlying hormonal challenges that have been addressed because of charting! 

Bringing God into Finances and Fertility

BRIDGET BUSACKER

Finances can often be a source of frequent conversation and tension in marriage. When upholding marriage as free, total, faithful and fruitful, Catholic marriage—like Natural Family Planning (NFP)—requires an openness to the possibility of life.

We have to remember that, first and foremost, the Catholic Church’s teachings on marriage and family life are openness to life, not controlling life. NFP is a gift, a tool, to help couples learn and navigate the woman’s body when it comes to discerning family life.

PHOTOGRAPHY: DESIGNS BY JESSINA

In the context of costs, budgets and financial planning, anticipating the cost of a child can bring about a lot of fear. And frankly, the last thing you want to do in a moment of intimacy is think about money. 

If we purely live our married life out of worry and physical concern, then it is calculated and feels icky; we are not meant to live in the black-and-white of one reality. NFP requires us to live in the tension of our faith: both the physical and spiritual realities of our marriage. It is just as important to learn our marriage in its sacramentality as well as in its physical nature. 

On one end of the black-and-white spectrum, it is important to have all the finances associated with raising a child saved before beginning such an exhausting and financially treacherous journey. On the other end, it’s assumed that babies will come and you must be prepared to say yes to every fertile opportunity. Unlike these messages from the world, holy, Catholic marriages pursue the middle ground of these poles. 

Finances are an important topic for a couple to discuss because there are obvious realities: where to live, spending habits, mortgages, phone bills, diapers, etc. Without our faith, it can become very calculated and lacking in the bigger vision of our goal: Heaven. 

NFP requires conversation and discernment because there’s no way to skip the fertile phase each month. Avoiding sex during the fertile period of a woman’s cycle in order to avoid pregnancy requires prayerful discernment and conversation between husband and wife. This is much more challenging than using a form of physical birth control and talking about “what if” at a convenient time. We are challenged to remember that life is a gift and we have the opportunity to say “yes” to the adventure of raising a child and saying “yes” to generations. 

Planning and discernment are integral to the vocation to marriage; we can’t deny one or the other. Balance is much harder to strive for than simply picking one way to live. 

At its core, our life should be lived through our faith. Faith is the basis of our existence. It allows us to choose adventure when the world may tell us we’re foolish to live without fear of tomorrow. Christ promises to look out for us and take care of us, so while we are, in fact, called to be prudent and responsible, he fills the voids from our shortcomings. 

Living in the tension between the physical and the spiritual life requires us to prepare and use our finances, to be open to the gift of children, and, ultimately, to trust God in the integrated whole. 

There is an undeniable relationship between finances and fertility. A peace of heart and mind is achieved when finances and fertility are bound together with faith. 

God has a plan for you and he desires you to grow in relationship with him and your spouse. God will never give you something you can’t handle, including a child. It is a blessing to welcome life into the world. A blessing doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges or hardships, but it means that the gift outweighs the cost. 

Anything worth doing is worth fighting for.

There will be hard conversations and budgeting choices you have to make. There will be a learning curve as you begin to navigate NFP for the first time (or for the first time with a spouse). 

Building collaboration and intimacy in your marriage is a practice that, when offered to God, is affirmed with grace. Where there is struggle, there is growth; NFP certainly has its peaks and valleys, but it is worth it.

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About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

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The Three Methods of Natural Family Planning--and How to Choose the One for You

BRIDGET BUSACKER

Exasperated, I looked at my fiance. We discussed NFP while dating and during engagement; we recognized the importance and the need for NFP in our marriage to help us grow in holiness. Although I had been charting for a few years and found great freedom in understanding my fertility and advocating for my health care needs, we didn’t realize there were so many different methods to choose from. 

We had scheduled a time to pick a Natural Family Planning (NFP) method during our engagement, but it was difficult to create a pros and cons list of each method and choose one to pursue as a couple. We thought that work had already been done, but here we were, 3 hours later, more frustrated than ever. 

It was through this experience that I founded Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of NFP resources for women and couples.

PHOTOGRAPHY: HER WITNESS

I didn’t want women and couples to experience what we had gone through; I desire to help facilitate conversations, create pros and cons lists, and simplify picking a method to help women—and their spouses—learn your body, embrace your fertility, and confidently move forward in your marriage.

So, you might be reading this and nodding along, frustrated by a similar situation. Maybe you don’t quite understand the importance of NFP in married life. Or maybe you want to find a different method, but you’re intimidated by all the options.

It can feel daunting. This is the method you are choosing to help you prayerfully discern family planning and embracing new life! But, as my (now) husband and I learned, and are learning, the many options help us to live out different seasons of married life together—prayerfully, open, and discerning every month. 

Let’s start at the beginning and review the foundation of NFP, so you and your partner feel confident picking a method, and can embrace this teaching of the Catholic Church with great joy and confidence! 

What is Natural Family Planning (NFP)?

Natural Family Planning is the definition given by the Catholic Church that supports the teaching on human sexuality and science of tracking fertility. The Catholic Church does not support the use of contraception of any kind as a means to avoid pregnancy. Rather, the Catholic Church supports a holistic approach of the woman (and couple, working together) tracking her cycles and determining fertile and infertile times. If the couple has prayerfully discerned avoiding pregnancy, abstinence is practiced during fertile times.

In 1972, the National Institute of Child Health & Human Development and the Human Life Foundation co-sponsored an international conference for NFP. Experts from around the world were in attendance and it was at this conference that the definition was developed to encompass the three commonly used methods: hormonal-only, mucus-only, and sympto-thermal. Then, in 1976, the World Health Organization (WHO) provided an official definition: “the naturally occurring physiological manifestation of fertile and infertile phases of the menstrual cycle”.

The Catholic Church supports fertility awareness based methods (FABMs), which are a way to track fertile and infertile times during the reproductive cycle and based on daily observations, which fluctuate each cycle. During fertile times, abstinence is practiced to avoid pregnancy. 

You may hear the term Fertility Awareness Methods (FAMs) trending in news articles and social media, so it’s important to know that these methods also track fertile and infertile times and follow daily observations of the cycle, but the difference is that barrier methods are used during fertile periods. And the Catholic Church doesn’t condone the use of barrier methods during fertile times to avoid pregnancy.

How many methods are there?

Now that we have the foundation of NFP and the two different umbrella terms for various methods (FABMs and FAMs), it’s time to break down the methods available under FABMs that are safe, effective, and supported by the Catholic Church and science (these go hand-in-hand and work together)!

There are three different types of FABMs: hormonal-only, mucus-only, and sympto-thermal.

Hormonal-only method | Detects production of key fertility hormones with daily at-home urine tests with an electronic fertility monitor and cross checking it with daily cervical mucus observations.

Mucus-only method | Teaches users how to observe biomarkers during the phases of the menstrual cycle, specifically, through observing and charting changes in the color and consistency of cervical mucus.

Sympto-thermal method | Based on the observations of cervical fluid, basal body temperature (waking temperature) and biological signs (i.e. changes in the cervix).

Under each of these methods, there are various organizations and instructors available, so that you can pick a method that works best for you.

Which one should I choose?

It is a great fortune to have so many options available. Although it can seem stressful, a variety of methods means you can pick what works best for you based on your season of life and lifestyle.

If you are someone who thrives on a schedule and wakes up at the same time every morning, the sympto-thermal method may be a great option for you because it not only requires checking cervical mucus throughout the day, you have an additional checkpoint of taking your temperature at the same time every morning.

Maybe you are expecting a baby and you would like to track your fertility postpartum, but know that hormones are adjusting and your fertility may not come back for a few months, so hormonal-only is a great option. It checks hormone levels in your urine and uses an electronic fertility monitor, while cross-checking mucus to help you navigate those early months as a new mom and beyond.

Perhaps you want something simple and you want to track your cervical mucus, preferring to learn one thing at a time. Then, the mucus-only methods are the best option for you! Checking your cervical mucus is a part of each method and may be just what you need to get started.

Take your time to learn about each method and ask questions of practitioners, so you feel comfortable and confident with the method you choose to move forward in your marriage.

Wherever you and your partner may be in your journey together, I hope this encourages you and inspires you to know that the Catholic Church supports you in understanding your body, recognizing the beauty of your fertility, and relying on scientific research that supports a holistic approach to your health. This journey is not easy, but it is rewarding to put in the work and understand how incredible your body truly is!

For additional professional NFP support and coaching, Spoken Bride’s Vendor Guide includes several NFP Instructors.

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If you liked this article, we hope you enjoy this episode of the Spoken Bride podcast featuring Bridget Busacker.

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

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Are You Currently Abstaining in Your NFP Journey? 3 Scriptural Encouragements to Do So with Purpose.

The ideas in this post have been used with permission, from a talk given at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Parish in Ellicott City, Maryland and inspired by Fulton Sheen's talk on the tensions of the celibate life. Citations from the talk are indicated in italics.

In every vocation, God desires an intimate, personal communion with each of us; a depth of love that mirrors that between Christ the bridegroom and the Church, his bride. For men and women called to marriage, this outpouring of nuptial love takes on a literal and physical reality.

Physical, emotional, and spiritual expressions of sexuality are a great gift of married life. And yet, what about times when spouses are called to abstain from sexual intimacy?

Photography: Kathleen Straub Photography

Times of abstinence are built into every relationship throughout various seasons, due to engagement, discernment to avoid pregnancy, illness, or travel. It’s every couple’s prerogative to see these times as purposeful, rather than simply inconvenient or burdensome.

When abstinence is “treated only as a burdensome sacrifice, it isn’t really achieving anything.” Instead, couples are invited to dedicate their periods of abstinence to a particular spiritual purpose.

How? Sacred Scripture can point us to a deeper sense of purpose in married intimacy.

Archbishop Fulton Sheen identified three instances in the Old Testament wherein the Lord “gave a command of ‘temporary celibacy’” that are relevant to the married vocation. Rather than directives, they are ordered toward encouraging and positive purposes.

Abstinence in preparation to encounter the Lord

Chapter 19 of Exodus chronicles “The Great Theophany,” or appearance of the Lord to his people. God instructs Moses to tell his people, “on the third day the LORD will come down on Mount Sinai in the sight of all the people...Set limits for the people all around...Moses came down from the mountain to the people and had them sanctify themselves, and they washed their garments. He said to the people, “Be ready for the third day. Do not approach a woman.”

Abstinence, in this instance, is ordered toward preparation of the heart to meet with the Lord. In your times of abstinence, you might pray that God clear your heart and mind of any idols and distractions, and turn your gaze to him.

Abstinence as preparation for battle

First Samuel tells of David and his men readying for battle in wartime, stating to a priest that they have been “consecrated” for the task at hand--that is, they have been abstinent. They have given themselves over not to license, but “to the Lord and his purposes.”

Even when you and your beloved aren’t preparing for battle in a literal sense, spiritual warfare is real; consider offering phases of abstinence for peace and communion to triumph over unrest and division in your relationships with each other and with the Lord.

Related: What does chastity look like in marriage? | Developing a healthy attitude towards chastity

Abstinence as freedom to serve

Sheen identified Old Testament priests (all of whom, in their culture, were married) who abstained from sexual intimacy when they served their turn in the Temple, or on occasions of dedication of the Temple. Abstinence was intended to free them to “serve the Lord more wholeheartedly.”

In the same way, those called to marriage are called to say “no” to certain things--physical, emotional, and romantic closeness with someone other than their spouse; sex at times not appropriate to their season in life--so they can say “yes” to their spouse and to something greater: a holy union that welcomes the Lord’s will. 

Related: How to Connect With Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy

When we embrace it, rather than “white-knuckle it,” sacrifice is transformative. It purifies, strengthens, and redeems. If you and your beloved are currently in a season calling you to abstain from sexual intimacy, these Old Testament purposes can bring significance and fruits to this time. 

Consider, then, offering each “stretch of abstinence...for a particular spiritual purpose.” Draw strength from one another and from the one who is the source of love itself.

Introducing Spoken Bride's 2020 Vendor Week! Tips, Education, and Exclusive Planning Info from Catholic Wedding Pros

This January 11-19 is our annual Vendor Week: days dedicated to showcasing the best of the Catholic wedding industry through Spoken Bride’s blog content and social media. 

Videography: Visual Rose Films by Nick DeRose, a Spoken Bride Vendor. The bride, Kate Capato of Visual Grace, and wedding photographer, Emma Dallman of Emma Dallman Photography, are our vendors, as well!

The Catholic wedding industry? Yes, it’s a thing! We are proud to offer the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first wedding directory specifically designed to connect brides and grooms with planners, photographers, florists, artisans, and more who share the same faith and bring a distinctively Catholic outlook to their client experience.

Don’t miss our first vendor takeovers, featuring Evan Kristiansen of Evan Kristiansen Photography and Nia Husk of Prolific Services, a certified fertility education resource, over this weekend! Follow us on Instagram @spokenbride.

At the start of this post-holiday engagement season, we invite you to browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide as you begin booking your wedding vendors. Each of our vendors is a true gift, offering their talents for the glory of God and sharing of themselves, their stories, and unique personalities. 

Are you a Catholic wedding vendor interested in learning about Vendor membership? Read about membership benefits and join our waitlist here.

Follow along on our blog and Instagram this week for exclusive and personal education, tips, Days in the Life, and Q+A you’ll only find from Spoken Bride vendors. Forthcoming topics include…

• Tips for planning a pre-ceremony “First Prayer”

• Considerations for marrying at a church that isn’t your home parish

• Vendors’ tips for first steps in finding, choosing, and booking your wedding professionals

• Ways to communicate the importance of your Catholic faith with your vendors

• Instagram takeovers by a marriage therapist, a jeweler, an NFP instructor, wedding photographers, and more

Recently engaged and booking your vendors? Browse the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide:

Photography | Wedding Coordination | Bridal Attire & Jewelry | Stationery & Hand Lettering | Floral Design | Videography | Gifts & Home Décor | Marriage & Family Therapists | NFP Instructors | Music

Above all, weddings are about the personal: who you and your beloved are, and the professionals you invite in to help tell your story for generations to come. Our vendors are single, engaged, and married, alive with passion for their craft and their Catholic faith. They, and we, are so eager to share and correspond with you this week! Don’t hesitate to engage online and on social media with your questions and thoughts—it’s our hope that this week is mutually enriching, informative, and fruitful as you prepare for your wedding and marriage.

Spoken Bride Vendors | Spotlight, Vol. 8

We are proud to serve you through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first online resource for distinctively Catholic wedding vendors: hand-selected professionals from around the U.S. with not only an abundance of talent, but a reverence and passion for the sacrament of marriage that brings a uniquely personal, prayerful dimension to their client experiences.

With a range of stories, hobbies, and devotions, it’s our privilege to share who our vendors are and connect them with their ideal clients--you, faithful Catholic couples who are energized by working with like-minded, prayerful individuals. Each month, we’ll be introducing, or re-introducing, you to members of Spoken Bride’s vendor community, and we encourage you to learn more through their full vendor listings.

Our Vendors for This Month (click to jump):

Gathered Together Events
Ashley Eileen Floral Design
Johnna Wilford, Women's Wellness Coach
Something Blue, LLC

Photography: Kenny Nakai Photography

Gathered Together Events

Wedding Coordination; serving Michigan and available for travel.

Allison Krcatovich--one of our brides!--grew up watching the film Father of the Bride and dreamed of “being the female version of [the wedding-planner character],” she says. In 2018, after the birth of her son and over six years in the hotel event-planning industry, Allison quit her hotel job and founded Gathered Together Events, her own coordination company.

Though Gathered Together Events serves a range of couples, Allison has a particular love--and brings particular expertise--to Catholic brides and grooms. She cherishes the opportunity to act as a resource and support for couples whose top priority is bringing their faith to the center of their celebration. Allison describes her services--including consultations, day-of coordination, full wedding coordination, and custom packages--as “service-oriented, joy-filled, and intentional.”

Favorite saint: Teresa of Calcutta. Her care for others encourages me in my work. My business logo is blue as a subtle nod to her and to our Mother Mary.

The best place I’ve traveled: Dubrovnik, Croatia on my honeymoon.

I’m inspired by: My family. I want to support my family with a job I am truly passionate about because I know it will make me a better wife, mother, daughter, friend. Seeing each of my couples so incredibly joyful on their wedding day inspires me in my own personal family life. 

Learn more about Gathered Together Events

Ashley Eileen Floral Design

Floral Design; serving the Denver area.

As her family mourned the loss of her grandfather, Ashley Krupp realized for the first time “ how florists walk with people for very important moments in life, and how flowers really do impact those occasions.” In those moments, she felt certain the Lord was calling her to use flowers as a gift and service to others.

Ashley soon took floral design classes, worked in several floral shops, and was eventually promoted to lead floral designer. In 2018 she used her earnings from the lead designer position to educate herself in business and design and launched Ashley Eileen Floral Design.

Ashley loves the creative pursuit of transforming her clients’ ideas into reality in the design process, as well as the sheer beauty of wedding florals: “Part of the reason I love doing flowers, she says, “is because they are beautiful and reflect the transcendental kind of beauty. I feel called to work with flowers as my ‘small v’ vocation and to affirm the good, true and beautiful in marriages that reflect God’s plan. 

“I like to say flowers aren’t really necessary for someone to get married--at the end of the day, she’ll be married to her husband and that is beautiful. However, flowers reflect the gratuitous kind of beauty or love that God lavishes on us; the kind of beauty that stirs the heart and draws the couple and their guests more deeply into the sacrament. I think the beauty of a wedding done well (aesthetically and theologically) help to evangelize by stirring people’s hearts.”

On my bucket list: To help with the flowers at the Kentucky Derby and Rose parade, to own property with acreage, and to visit Havana, Cuba.

Favorite books: Little Women, Anne of Green Gables, Heidi, Introduction to the Devout Life, Forming Intentional Disciples, and the Harry Potter series.

How my faith informs my business: Everything I do comes back to God, what He’s blessed me with and my desire to share Him with others. I think beauty is a gift that allows us to know him on a deeper level, because it cuts straight to our hearts. I think a lot of millennials have a keen awareness and appreciation of beauty, and I see this as a subtle starting point to also share God’s goodness and truth with others who might not know him otherwise. I’ve designed my business model to be relationship-based; it's important for me to get to know my couples so I can walk and pray for them in a real way.  

Learn more about Ashley Eileen Floral Design

Johnna Wilford, Women’s Wellness Coach

NFP Instruction; serving Lexington, Kentucky in person and nationwide through online education.

Johnna first heard of NFP as she converted to the Catholic faith during her marriage preparation--in fact, she says, “I actually think NFP is one of the things that helped me decide to become Catholic! NFP is so empowering, and such a great tool for communication with a partner, so I quickly became very passionate about it.” A serious runner and women’s health advocate who already owned a fitness business, Johnna became certified in NFP instruction and made it an additional pillar of her business.

A recent bride herself, Johnna has a unique, particular passion for viewing women’s health holistically, teaching clients about the relationships between hormonal and reproductive health and physical fitness. She loves walking with her clients as they consider their fertility, fitness and wellness before marriage--”not,” she says, “simply in a ‘fitting into the wedding dress’ way. Women’s Wellness offers in-person and online coaching in fitness, fertility awareness, and reproductive health.

I root for...the Alabama Crimson Tide. Roll Tide! It's sort of hard not to be a fan when you went to college there!

Ministries I’m involved in: I am a member of a local social justice ministry that works to improve policies in the city. This year we are working on improving the drug problem in town, working to improve education, and decreasing  gun violence in the city. I am also an NFP teacher for the Marriage and Family Office in my diocese.

Favorite Saints: My patron saint is Joan of Arc, not only because of the name similarity, but because I have a passion for fighting for what I believe in! I also love Mama Mary and try to pray the rosary every day.

Learn more about Johnna Wilford, Women’s Wellness Coach

Something Blue, LLC

Wedding Coordination, serving the dioceses of Indianapolis, Lafayette (Indiana), Evansville, and Fort Wayne-South Bend; available for limited travel in neighboring states.

While sitting at the same reception table at a wedding, friends Joy Foster and Mary Dorhauer discovered they shared a common dream: establishing an event planning and coordination business. As they talked, they wrote down a vision for a Catholic wedding planning business on the spot, hoping to create a service that would “help couples plan a most reverent and beautiful liturgy, along with a really great party; witness the beauty of our Faith and the beauty of the Catholic view on marriage to their Catholic and non-Catholic guests; and be a joyful ministry to brides and engaged couples, so that they and their families could be fully present and enjoy their wedding day, instead of worrying about whether things were getting done or not.”

Joy and Mary’s dreams took root in 2018, when Something Blue, LLC was founded. Along with general inspiration and reception planning, Something Blue specializes in helping Catholic couples plan their nuptial liturgies and personally supports them through the gift of prayer: “Our love of the liturgy and the beauty of marriage inspires us to share that love with couples and their families,” Joy and Mary say. “We customize a novena for each couple and begin it so Day 9 is prayed the morning of the wedding. We offer copies of the novena to the parents of the bride and groom, along with the wedding party, church hostess & clergy, and any vendors that we know are Catholic, should they wish to join their prayers with ours for the couple. We see Something Blue as a ministry, in addition to a business.”

The best part of working on weddings: The joy!  It’s a chance to share in a little slice of someone else’s happiness. Being able to watch the bittersweet moments as fathers tearfully embrace their daughters one last time [during the procession]. Smiling at the triumphant grins on the faces of grooms as the newly minted Mr. and Mrs. exit the church for the first time. Witnessing families come together to celebrate a fresh branch of their family tree. Most of all, the moment during a Nuptial Mass when the priest elevates the Holy Eucharist, with the eyes of the bride and groom upon him, the Body of Christ. It gives us goosebumps every time! 

Favorite wedding-day memory: (Mary): On our first date, my husband and I went to Mass and then covered the car of a mutual friend in Post-It notes. It was revenge for a joke she played trying to set the two of us up. I guess she got the last word though, since we got married and now have two children! 

When planning our wedding, I told our priest I wanted to go straight from the church after the recessional to the Adoration chapel, spending our first minutes as a married couple in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Our priest insisted we walk from the church to our car and drive down the chapel. We went back and forth on this, with me getting more and more frustrated, until I grudgingly gave in. When we emerged from the church, there was our car, covered in brightly colored post it notes spelling out I Do!

We take our coffee: (Joy): black. (Mary): I wish I could say I take it black like a hardcore adult, but the truth is, I need sugar and cream and lots of it. 

Learn more about Something Blue, LLC

Spoken Bride Vendors | Spotlight, Vol. 7

Are you recently engaged and ready to book your wedding vendors? Newly married or attending a wedding, and in search of gifts that affirm the vocation to marriage?

We are proud to serve you through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first online resource for distinctively Catholic wedding vendors: hand-selected professionals from around the U.S. with not only an abundance of talent, but a reverence and passion for the sacrament of marriage that brings a uniquely personal, prayerful dimension to their client experiences.

With a range of stories, hobbies, and devotions, it’s our privilege to share who our vendors are and connect them with their ideal clients--you, faithful Catholic couples who are energized by working with like-minded, prayerful individuals. Each month, we’ll be introducing, or re-introducing, you to members of Spoken Bride’s vendor community, and we encourage you to learn more through their full vendor listings.

Our Vendors for This Month (click to jump):

Saving the Date
Fire and Gold Photography
Quiet Light Creations
FertilityCare

Saving the Date

Wedding Planning, serving the Dallas-Fort Worth and Austin areas.

 After years of planning collegiate athletic events and corporate conferences, Savanna Faulkner’s friends began seeking her expertise as they planned their wedding days. Before long, Savanna says, “I was planning strangers’ weddings.” She began pursuing wedding planning as a business, and Saving the Date transitioned from side hustle to full-time work in 2017.

A love for the Catholic faith infuses everything about Savanna’s client experience, both visually and behind the scenes. “Love is so beautiful,” says Savanna, “and easily the reason why I am so passionate about people. I love to make people feel seen, heard, and understood.” Inspired by the rich sacred art and sensory beauty of the Church and liturgy, she finds design inspiration in her faith and carries it into her couples’ weddings.

Favorite movies: Top Gun and 27 Dresses

Ministries I’m involved in: The pro-life movement is a huge part of my life. In fact, my parents became so convicted in their pro-life beliefs they adopted two foster kids! I enjoy volunteering my event-planning expertise to local non-profits for their fundraisers. 

The best part of working on weddings: Being with people. I love working [hard], just to hear how happy the bride and groom are. Also, the gravity of involving me to be in charge of one of the biggest days of someone's life is incredible. I love that I can portray confidence and peace to the couples who decide to put their big day in my hands. 

To learn more about Saving the Date, click here.

Fire and Gold Photography

Photography; serving Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, and Western New York. Available for nationwide travel.

Laura Schaefer fell in love with photography in high school and worked on developing her skills during college. Inspired and fortified by the image of gold being refined by fire, making God’s children “stronger and hopefully holier” after a miscarriage, Laura founded Fire and Gold Photography in 2017 and shoots weddings alongside her husband, Matthew. 

A Franciscan University alumna and resident of Steubenville, Ohio, where the university is located, the Catholic faith permeates all of Fire and Gold’s work and relationships: “I am a Catholic photographer,” Laura says, “and those words are in that order for a reason. Catholic first; photographer second. My faith is my way of life and it informs every choice I make. [Matthew and I] both love the writings of St. Josemaria Escriva, and I would say that this quote captures how we view our work as photographers: ‘If you seek sanctity in and through your work, you will necessarily have to strive to turn it into personal prayer.’” 

I take my coffee...Laura: I wish I could say black but let's be honest, I love creamer. Matthew:  Black.

We’re most inspired by: [how God] takes delight in the beauty of His creation. We love photography and running our business because it’s how we get to create and capture beauty. We see it as participation in God’s own creation of beauty. He is Beauty itself, and we honestly see my work as a form of prayer. 

Love means: Sacrifice. To love as Christ loved. To give of yourself fully and completely, without reservation or strings attached. 

It can sound like an academic answer, but we have learned to live this in our marriage and actually living it out takes it from the classroom to the real world. Loving in the good times and bad; loving until it hurts. Loving even when the other person isn't acting lovable. Calling each other on in holiness and becoming the best versions of ourselves. Loving our children and teaching them virtue. Pouring yourself out completely for your family yet always being filled through the grace of the sacrament. 

To learn more about Fire and Gold Photography, click here.

Quiet Light Creations

Gifts; ships nationwide and internationally.

Angela Marinelli, a longtime jewelry and rosary maker, always prays while crafting religious items. One day while praying over a rosary she was creating, overwhelmed with a sense of “darkness in the world” that she’d been hearing on the news, Angela heard the whispers of a call to share her gifts in a fuller capacity. Quiet Light Creations, founded on a love for Our Lady and the Saints, offers handmade rosaries, chaplets, and bracelets that become instant heirlooms when chosen for a couple’s wedding day.

Angela still prays for the recipient of every item she creates, with a hope that through her work, the Catholic faith is shared in an authentic, simple way: “A quiet light is easily overlooked, but once it catches your eye and you pause for a minute to think, it makes you wonder. The quiet light of the tabernacle candle points to someone so much greater, just like the quiet light our Blessed Mother embodies points to someone so much greater. 

“The simplicity draws you into the mystery of faith without the temptations of being known or being acknowledged for our good works. I hope that my shop will share the message that we are all striving saints, we are not perfect, and the trap of comparison even in holiness is not what we are meant for.”

I root for... the Pittsburgh Pirates, Penguins, Steelers and the Chicago Cubs, Blackhawks, Bears. Family loyalty!

Favorite music: James Taylor, The Head and The Heart, George Ezra, Matchbox Twenty, and Twenty One Pilots.

Love means: Trusting that another soul will return the love you give, so much so that the thoughts and worries about yourself being taken care of are cast far out of your mind. Love is choosing another continually and consistently, always showing your love for them more than saying it. Love means being attuned to all the little things they do for you and for everyone else, and doing those things for them. 

A sure sign of love is feeling at peace and at rest. Authentic love casts out all anxiety and fear. To love means to offer that place of rest in yourself where others can dwell in peace.

To learn more about Quiet Light Creations, click here.

FertilityCare

NFP and Fertility Education; offering in-person instruction in the Miami area and long-distance services nationwide.

Sarah McKeown was first introduced to the Creighton Fertility model during her engagement. As a nurse, she found herself particularly drawn to the medical science behind the method. Within several years, Sarah had discerned and answered a call to pursue NFP education more fully. She began accepting and teaching clients the Creighton FertilityCare Model in 2016.

Sarah’s call and conviction have only continued to grow as she’s served her clients; many, but not all, are Catholic, and she loves the opportunity to “[teach] people about the beauty of their fertility; the way God created women's bodies and how we are called to live our marital sexuality in a responsible and generous way...I think having NFP instructors available long distance helps fill a need for many couples who may not have access to someone in their city or don't know how to get started.” She describes her business as “marriage-centered, empowering, and insightful,” and says, “have felt more called to teach NFP than I have with any other job, including being a nurse.”

Favorite wedding day memory: The priest celebrating our mass was Fr. Mike Schmitz, who is amazing! At one point during his homily he said, "this couple doesn't know what the future holds, and they will have difficult times ahead, but even so, you look at the other person and say, you're worth it." 

And at the same time Fr. Mike said those words, my husband looked at me with tears in his eyes and mouthed, "you're worth it". It was so beautiful; I don't know how he knew Fr. Mike was going to say that, but it was such an amazing, grace-filled moment.

On my bucket list: Have as many kids as God will give us, visit one of those resorts in the South Pacific where your little bungalow is on stilts over the water, and become a saint!

The best part of my work: I love to see women become confident in their ability to tell fertile vs. infertile days of their cycles. Couples feel so much more freedom to enter into marriage without the need or use of birth control. They can learn to love each other freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully the way God intended.

To learn more about FertilityCare, click here.

How to Connect with Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy

CARISSA PLUTA

When using Natural Family Planning, married couples must frequently pray about and discuss their desire and plans for having more children. 

PHOTOGRAPHY: MADI MYERS-COOK

And in some circumstances, through prayer and discernment, husbands and wives may make the decision to postpone a pregnancy (or another pregnancy). 

Abstaining from sex during periods of fertility can prove challenging for couples, and they may find themselves having difficulty connecting with one another during these times. 

But there are so many ways to feel intimate with your spouse even when you can’t be intimate. 

Communicate

Communication is key for couples trying to avoid pregnancy. Couples should not only remind each other of their “why” for avoiding, but should also discuss the challenges that may arise in doing so. 

But even more importantly, take this time to grow in emotional intimacy. Share your feelings, dreams, and interests with your spouse and actively listen to his.

Prayer

Praying with your spouse during this time strengthens both your individual relationships with God as well as your marriage. 

Prayer fosters humility, vulnerability, and trust. It calls husband and wife to look outside of themselves toward the other and Christ. 

Physical Affection

Just because the night can’t end in sex doesn’t mean you have to avoid all physical contact with your spouse until you’re back in your infertile time. 

Couples should focus on physical touch that affirms each other rather than arouses. Hand holding, hugging, even kissing can help couples feel intimate during times of abstinence. 

But if you have a serious reason to avoid pregnancy, you should know what physical contact you can handle and which will only make the avoiding harder. 

Get creative

You can get creative with how you and your husband can spend your free time together during times of abstinence. 

Carving out quality time with your partner can help you to connect in a new and fun way. Go bowling, play a board game or try a new hobby. Enjoy one another’s company. 

Laughter

Find ways to make each other laugh. Laughter releases tension and can really help couples during times when facing the challenges of abstaining. Not only that, but sharing jokes and laughter will draw you and your spouse closer together. 

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About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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NFP = Nervous Family Planning? The Joys and Struggles.

KATE THIBODEAU

You’re newly engaged; glowing with happiness, showing off your glimmering left hand and so excited to start this new journey with your fiancé. You’ve met with your priest, set the date, and expect marriage preparation will be a wonderful experience. One in which you’ll grow as a couple on this adventure to heaven together. Everything sounds like the fairy tale you’d always dreamed of.

Photography: Her Witness Photography

You’re set to take your Natural Family Planning course, eager to prepare for becoming a responsible and pro-life Catholic family. You can totally tackle NFP! A mix of science, faith, and marital self-sacrifice: what could be a more simple, practical, and generous method in which to grow a fine and faithful Catholic family?

Those feelings and emotions are all good, beautiful, and true. NFP is an enormous gift to the families who desire to be prudent and selfless, cooperating with God to bring children into the world.

However, after taking my NFP course during engagement, and then after actually following it as a married woman, I found that the glamorous reports of success I’d heard took me by surprise. Instead,I found myself struggling--failing, even--to learn and practice it..

 Thanks to my mother, I grew up well aware of my body’s fertility signs and familiar with NFP since I was a little girl. When trying to learn it four months prior to my upcoming wedding, I started with typical complaints, particularly taking my temperature each morning at 6 A.M, even on days when I could have slept in. Early wakeups became a daily cross. I became aware of my  daily routines that needed to be changed. I quickly realized the inconveniences of this new, constant awareness of my own body and of sharing my findings with my husband.

Conversations before marriage about NFP don’t always illuminate the little mistakes and troubles found along the way: forgetting to take your temperature, inconsistencies rooted in  stress, an inability to understand your fertility symptoms and record them correctly, a lack of full understanding. I realized there was a myriad of ways in which I personally could fail in the practice, not just the idea, of NFP--ways I was unaware of in the past, when my knowledge was more limited.

I found myself disheartened, especially when listening to other couples tell me of their great successes. I felt like a failure for being unable to clearly read my fertility signs, and felt the weight of guilt when I opted to switch to a different method. I doubted my ability to enter into a self-giving marriage with my husband, where we would be responsible in the task given to us as future parents.

It took several months, a loving and supportive husband, and God’s severest of mercies on my beginner’s errors to find peace in my mostly complicated relationship with the amazing gift of Natural Family Planning. Here are my takeaways, from much trial and error:

Be patient with yourself!

NFP is not supposed to a one time victory, but many monthly victories that allow you to know your body and your spouse better with each cycle. Don’t allow stress or fear of failure to dampen your resolve. I found the stress of learning NFP greatly affected my fertility, which made it all the more difficult to track. Had I more patience and forgiveness with myself, my learning curve might have been more even-keeled.

Comparison is the greatest fiend of self confidence, and I found it took a toll on my process.

I was too busy shaming myself for my struggles and comparing them with my peers’ successes to see the benefits of NFP. The method you choose and your discernment is dependent on you, your spouse, and God. Ask--and trust in--Christ to guide  your instincts.

Every woman’s body is different, just as every couple expresses love in different ways. Allow your couple friends to empower and encourage you in your quest, but do not succumb to self-doubt from comparison. I found sharing in vulnerability allowed me to see how pointless my tendency to compare really was. 

NFP is ultimately a blessing and a sacrifice.

NFP is truly a fruitful way to work with God and your spouse to determine when you are called to bring forth children. It is difficult in practice, but its fruits include a more valued intimacy and understanding with my husband, a sacrificial death to desire, and a dependence on God’s timing. We are grateful for the work and frustration, as well as the unity we have found through this journey together. We’ve been able to love each other better, knowing we’re in support of God’s will for our future family.

 I’ll continue to sing the praises of NFP even in my vulnerability and perceived failures. To all brides who are struggling, know you are not alone!

 Have patience with yourself, seek out support, and ultimately trust in God’s mercy. Natural Family Planning should not be a cause for anxiety or stress concerning perfection, but a gift to you and your husband as holy and responsible parents. You--with God--have got this!

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About the Author: Recently married to her best friend and partner towards salvation, Kate Thibodeau is learning how to best serve her vocation as a wife while using her God-given talents. With an English degree from Benedictine College, she strives to live in the Benedictine motto: that in all things, God may be glorified. Kate loves literature, romance, beautiful music, pretty things, wedding planning, and building a community of strong Catholic women.

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Vendor Spotlight | Indy FertilityCare

When the vocation to life-giving love within marriage answers a deep need and question in the world--specifically, the question of how couples are called to understand the beautiful mystery of their embodiment and creation--amazing fruits result.

Liz Escoffery learned the Creighton Model of Natural Family planning during her engagement. “The more I learned,” she says, “the more I became passionate about the science and information I was learning about my body. I gained a new appreciation for the Church's teachings on marriage and sexuality. I began sharing it with everyone I knew, especially those in their childbearing years--but really anyone who would listen!”

The seed of Liz’s passion for NFP and fertility awareness was planted. It continued to flourish during the first year of her marriage as she pursued a certification as a Creighton FertilityCare practitioner. A believer in continual professional development and the wholeness of the human person, she has since additionally earned a Masters degree in Theology and become a childbirth educator. As Liz’s own family has grown to include three children, her fertility care services have become her primary work. Her business, Indy FertilityCare, offers both in-person and virtual courses in the Creighton Model, email and phone support, and speaking engagements related to women’s health, Catholic marriage, and the Theology of the Body.

For anyone to whom NFP might seem dry, dubious, or awkward, Liz takes pride in “making the process of learning Natural Family Planning engaging, interactive, and thorough.” She loves witnessing couples become a team in their efforts to begin charting their fertility, and walks alongside them every step of the way, offering resources to connect clients with holistic medical providers in their area, support for long-term reproductive health, and teaching courses in childbirth preparation and postpartum NFP.  

In this way, Indy FertilityCare supports not just women, but families: “I am so inspired by my clients,” says Liz.. “Those who have faced devastating side effects as the result of being on hormonal birth control previously. Those who have used NFP their entire marriages. Those who have converted to the Catholic faith (perhaps later in life) and find themselves using NFP for the first time after feeling their family is ‘complete.’ Those experiencing high-risk pregnancies or miscarriages and finding courage to try again. Those living (and struggling) with chastity before or during marriage. I learn so much from each of my clients and am enriched by them!”

Watch Liz's interview with Song On Fire, on sexual intimacy in marriage, here.

An interview with Liz

Hometown: Indianapolis, Indiana

I root for: the Miami Hurricanes and the Indianapolis Colts

Favorite saints: St. Mother Theodore Guerin and Blessed Solanus Casey

What is your favorite thing about working on weddings? The opportunity to see the raw, maturing love between bride and groom in the weeks and months leading up to their wedding and be inspired by the gift of self they are choosing to make to one another.

I take my coffee: strong, with flax or almond milk.

Favorite place I've traveled: Tanzania. I had the chance to go with my grandparents and loved getting to see familiar zoo animals, but in their natural environment.

Ministries and projects I’m involved in: PreCana marriage prep retreats, vocation awareness in my parish, and classes at my local crisis pregnancy center.

Best wedding day memory: our first dance, which my husband and I choreographed ourselves!

On my bucket list: Own a condo in Miami with my husband and fly there on the weekends.

Love means...to sacrifice and give until it hurts.

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Our Favorite Quotes on Fruitful Love, on the Anniversary of Humanae Vitae

This week, the Church commemorates 50 years since the publication of Blessed Pope Paul VI’s encyclical letter Humanae Vitae--translated as ”Of Human Life.” Drawing from the hundreds of years of Scripture and tradition on which the Church was founded, the letter was composed in response to a commission whose purpose was to evaluate the effects of newly and widely available contraceptives on society.

The Pope’s words praise the goodness of married love: he calls it “fully human,” involving both body and soul--the whole person--and imaging Christ’s free, faithful, total, and fruitful gift of self. Love like this reserves nothing and bears real fruit, ending not in death but in eternal life.

Life. Whether physically, spiritually, or both, all married couples are called to be abundant and allow new life to flow forth from their love.

Amid social pressure and speculation over whether the encyclical would “reverse” the Church’s directive that contraceptives are contrary to the nature of authentic love, Paul VI courageously maintained that artificial means of birth control are never in keeping with a sincere, unreserved gift of the self and exchange of persons.

After all, as he pointed out, the nature of love itself; the nature of Jesus’ sacrifice at Calvary, hadn’t changed since before the commission--how, then, could human beings change their imitation of this love, without changing the definition of love entirely? His appeals to logic--and his recognition that every person desires to be loved without conditions or limitations--draw attention to the high, yet attainable, calling of our path to heaven.

If you’ve never read Humanae Vitae, engagement and new marriage are ideal times to contemplate the love spouses are called to imitate; to be the human face of the Father’s love to one another in the particular way only they, as individuals, can.

What’s more, if the demands of love, and the Church’s reasoning on contraception, are difficult for you, take time to turn inward in prayer and ask the Lord if he’s calling you and your beloved to deeper understanding or a lifestyle change. He is merciful in all things and desires nothing less than our deepest happiness.

When the love of husband and wife mirrors the Father’s love as closely as possible, we are drawn more deeply into the heart of God and that much closer to the fulfillment and true flourishing on earth that he intends for us, his children.

This list of resources, including prayers, studies, and media, from the U.S. Bishops is a rich and accessible starting point. For your further contemplation and inspiration, we’ve compiled a selection of passages, from holy men and women past and present, that make us excited and motivated to live out love’s demands.

On authentic love

As a passion sublimated by a love respectful of the dignity of the other, [the relationship between spouses] becomes a “pure, unadulterated affirmation” revealing the marvels of which the human heart is capable. - Pope Francis

Self-discipline...is a shining witness to the chastity of husband and wife and, far from being a hindrance to their love of one another, transforms it by giving it a more truly human character...it brings to family life abundant fruits of tranquility and peace. - Humanae Vitae

For the Lord has entrusted to [spouses] the task of making visible to men and women the holiness and joy of the law which united inseparably their love for one another and the cooperation they give to God's love, God who is the Author of human life. - ibid

On the love of God

All love ends in an incarnation, even God’s. Love would not be love if it did not escape the limitation of individual existence by perpetuating itself...wherein death is defeated by life. - Ven. Fulton Sheen

The liberating message of the Gospel of Life has been put into your hands. - Saint John Paul II

Do you want to see the difference [between NFP and contraception]?...There’s nothing to fear. Trusting him is only threatening if he’s a tyrant. He’s not. He’s perfect love. Let go. Let him in. Trust him. - Christopher West

On family size, discernment, and infertility

The number is not in itself the decisive factor. The fact of having few or many children does not on its own make a family more or less Christian. What matters is the integrity and honesty with which married life is lived. True mutual love transcends the union of husband and wife and extends to its natural fruits — the children. Selfishness, on the contrary, sooner or later reduces love to a mere satisfaction of instinct and destroys the bond which unites parents and children. - St. Josemaria Escriva

I would therefore like to remind spouses in a condition of infertility, that this does not thwart their matrimonial vocation. Spouses are always called by their baptismal and matrimonial vocation itself to cooperate with God in the creation of a new human life. The vocation to love is in fact a vocation to the gift of self, and this is a possibility that no physical condition can prevent. Therefore, whenever science finds no answer, the answer that gives light comes from Christ. - Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

On sacrifice and its fruits

...the seeking [of Jesus]  is a going out from ourselves. It is a going out from our illusions, our limitations, our wishful thinking, our self-loving, and the self in our love. - Caryll Houselander

Want to be happy?…Lose your life in love and you will find it. Give your life away as a gift, and you’ll come to resurrection. - Bishop Robert Barron

The various forms of sacrifice include one positive similar meaning: Life is surrendered in order to be transformed and shared.” - Scott Hahn

On charity with regard to Church teaching

We are fully aware of the difficulties confronting the public authorities in this matter…"the only possible solution to this question is one which envisages the social and economic progress both of individuals and of the whole of human society, and which respects and promotes true human values." - Humanae Vitae

Now it is an outstanding manifestation of charity toward souls to omit nothing from the saving doctrine of Christ; but this must always be joined with tolerance and charity, as Christ Himself showed in His conversations and dealings with men. - ibid

On human nature

Our body is a cenacle, a monstrance; through its crystal the world should see God. - Saint Gianna Molla

Woman naturally seeks to embrace that which is living, personal, and whole. To cherish, guard, protect, nourish and advance growth is her natural, maternal yearning. - Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein)

For man cannot attain that true happiness for which he yearns with all the strength of his spirit, unless he keeps the laws which the Most High God has engraved in his very nature. These laws must be wisely and lovingly observed. - Humanae Vitae

As always, we at Spoken Bride are here for you. No matter where you’re coming from, no matter your opinion or experiences with this aspect of Church teaching, we’re committed to truly seeing and hearing you. We welcome your thoughts, your questions on married love and Natural Family Planning, and even your reservations and respectful disagreements, so know that you have the freedom to share them in the comments and on our social media. Consider this an invitation to conversation, with our hopes of living out our mission of truth, goodness, beauty, and authenticity with charity and productive dialogue.

Photography: Alyssa Michelle Photography, seen in How He Asked | Danielle + Jeff