Are You Currently Abstaining in Your NFP Journey? 3 Scriptural Encouragements to Do So with Purpose.

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The ideas in this post have been used with permission, from a talk given at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Parish in Ellicott City, Maryland and inspired by Fulton Sheen's talk on the tensions of the celibate life. Citations from the talk are indicated in italics.

 

In every vocation, God desires an intimate, personal communion with each of us; a depth of love that mirrors that between Christ the bridegroom and the Church, his bride. For men and women called to marriage, this outpouring of nuptial love takes on a literal and physical reality.

Physical, emotional, and spiritual expressions of sexuality are a great gift of married life. And yet, what about times when spouses are called to abstain from sexual intimacy?

Times of abstinence are built into every relationship throughout various seasons, due to engagement, discernment to avoid pregnancy, illness, or travel. It’s every couple’s prerogative to see these times as purposeful, rather than simply inconvenient or burdensome.

When abstinence is “treated only as a burdensome sacrifice, it isn’t really achieving anything.” Instead, couples are invited to dedicate their periods of abstinence to a particular spiritual purpose.

How? Sacred Scripture can point us to a deeper sense of purpose in married intimacy.

Archbishop Fulton Sheen identified three instances in the Old Testament wherein the Lord “gave a command of ‘temporary celibacy’” that are relevant to the married vocation. Rather than directives, they are ordered toward encouraging and positive purposes.

Abstinence in preparation to encounter the Lord

Chapter 19 of Exodus chronicles “The Great Theophany,” or appearance of the Lord to his people. God instructs Moses to tell his people, “on the third day the LORD will come down on Mount Sinai in the sight of all the people...Set limits for the people all around...Moses came down from the mountain to the people and had them sanctify themselves, and they washed their garments. He said to the people, “Be ready for the third day. Do not approach a woman.”

Abstinence, in this instance, is ordered toward preparation of the heart to meet with the Lord. In your times of abstinence, you might pray that God clear your heart and mind of any idols and distractions, and turn your gaze to him.

Abstinence as preparation for battle

First Samuel tells of David and his men readying for battle in wartime, stating to a priest that they have been “consecrated” for the task at hand--that is, they have been abstinent. They have given themselves over not to license, but “to the Lord and his purposes.”

Even when you and your beloved aren’t preparing for battle in a literal sense, spiritual warfare is real; consider offering phases of abstinence for peace and communion to triumph over unrest and division in your relationships with each other and with the Lord.

Related: What does chastity look like in marriage? | Developing a healthy attitude towards chastity

Abstinence as freedom to serve

Sheen identified Old Testament priests (all of whom, in their culture, were married) who abstained from sexual intimacy when they served their turn in the Temple, or on occasions of dedication of the Temple. Abstinence was intended to free them to “serve the Lord more wholeheartedly.”

In the same way, those called to marriage are called to say “no” to certain things--physical, emotional, and romantic closeness with someone other than their spouse; sex at times not appropriate to their season in life--so they can say “yes” to their spouse and to something greater: a holy union that welcomes the Lord’s will. 

Related: How to Connect With Your Spouse While Postponing Pregnancy

When we embrace it, rather than “white-knuckle it,” sacrifice is transformative. It purifies, strengthens, and redeems. If you and your beloved are currently in a season calling you to abstain from sexual intimacy, these Old Testament purposes can bring significance and fruits to this time. 

Consider, then, offering each “stretch of abstinence...for a particular spiritual purpose.” Draw strength from one another and from the one who is the source of love itself.