Editors Share | Choosing One Method of NFP in Different Seasons of Life

It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share our stories with you, as well. Today, the team shares about the factors and discernment that influenced which method of NFP they have chosen to practice.

For additional information, this post shares a more in-depth discussion on the different methods of Natural Family Planning.

PHOTOGRAPHY: CLAIRE WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY

Theresa Namenye, Contributing Writer

During marriage preparation, I learned about the Creighton Model of NFP. My cycles are extremely easy to track, so we did not have to be super diligent in order to effectively navigate my fertility for the first year of marriage. Now, being pregnant and/or breastfeeding, my body’s pattern seems to return to fertility after my baby is a year old, so we have not had to track for a while and would like our children to be spaced according to the return of my fertility. 

Gen Allen, Contributing Writer

We learned the Creighton Model of NFP during our engagement, but it taught me so much about my cycles that I wish I had learned it years before. In this season of life, we have transitioned to the Marquette method for ease of use while postpartum and breastfeeding. Marquette feels more objective to me, but I still use a lot of what I learned from Creighton to listen to what my body is telling me. 

Andi Compton, Business Director

We learned the Billings method when we were preparing to get married. We have used it loosely on and off as needed the past 13 years. At the time, the only teacher we knew of was a Protestant woman who lived near my husband and taught at a nearby parish—50 miles away from me.

Knowing my cycle has helped me figure out when my anxiety peaks and actually helped me save our 3rd daughter. My cycle was a hair off so I called my NaPro doctor. She had me immediately come in for a blood test to confirm pregnancy and got me started on progesterone to maintain the pregnancy. 

Eventually we switched to the Marquette method. Now have five children and have gained knowledge, experience, and trust in God over the years through NFP. We are currently using the Billings method again—paired with Apple Health for tracking—for simplicity in this season of our lives.

Bridget Busacker, Contributing Writer

I started charting my fertility in college and learned more about the specifics of NFP when I was engaged. I heard from my mom and married friends that it’s normal to change methods depending on lifestyle and season of life, so this took a lot of pressure off of us to find the “perfect method” for our marriage.

We started with the sympto-thermal method and now, being postpartum, we switched to a hormonal-only method. This switch to a new method was due to my hormonal shifts and breastfeeding, so we could accurately identify the return of my fertility and I could better understand my own body given so many changes that have occurred since having a baby.

I have loved charting my fertility because I am so much more in tune with my hormonal shifts and the ways it impacts me physically and emotionally. I’m also able to ask my doctor and practitioner specific questions about my health and point to trends that I notice with my emotional and physical health, that I would otherwise not pay attention to. Charting can be challenging and it can be difficult to learn a new method, but it has absolutely been worth it for my own health journey and detecting underlying hormonal challenges that have been addressed because of charting! 

Bringing God into Finances and Fertility

BRIDGET BUSACKER

Finances can often be a source of frequent conversation and tension in marriage. When upholding marriage as free, total, faithful and fruitful, Catholic marriage—like Natural Family Planning (NFP)—requires an openness to the possibility of life.

We have to remember that, first and foremost, the Catholic Church’s teachings on marriage and family life are openness to life, not controlling life. NFP is a gift, a tool, to help couples learn and navigate the woman’s body when it comes to discerning family life.

PHOTOGRAPHY: DESIGNS BY JESSINA

In the context of costs, budgets and financial planning, anticipating the cost of a child can bring about a lot of fear. And frankly, the last thing you want to do in a moment of intimacy is think about money. 

If we purely live our married life out of worry and physical concern, then it is calculated and feels icky; we are not meant to live in the black-and-white of one reality. NFP requires us to live in the tension of our faith: both the physical and spiritual realities of our marriage. It is just as important to learn our marriage in its sacramentality as well as in its physical nature. 

On one end of the black-and-white spectrum, it is important to have all the finances associated with raising a child saved before beginning such an exhausting and financially treacherous journey. On the other end, it’s assumed that babies will come and you must be prepared to say yes to every fertile opportunity. Unlike these messages from the world, holy, Catholic marriages pursue the middle ground of these poles. 

Finances are an important topic for a couple to discuss because there are obvious realities: where to live, spending habits, mortgages, phone bills, diapers, etc. Without our faith, it can become very calculated and lacking in the bigger vision of our goal: Heaven. 

NFP requires conversation and discernment because there’s no way to skip the fertile phase each month. Avoiding sex during the fertile period of a woman’s cycle in order to avoid pregnancy requires prayerful discernment and conversation between husband and wife. This is much more challenging than using a form of physical birth control and talking about “what if” at a convenient time. We are challenged to remember that life is a gift and we have the opportunity to say “yes” to the adventure of raising a child and saying “yes” to generations. 

Planning and discernment are integral to the vocation to marriage; we can’t deny one or the other. Balance is much harder to strive for than simply picking one way to live. 

At its core, our life should be lived through our faith. Faith is the basis of our existence. It allows us to choose adventure when the world may tell us we’re foolish to live without fear of tomorrow. Christ promises to look out for us and take care of us, so while we are, in fact, called to be prudent and responsible, he fills the voids from our shortcomings. 

Living in the tension between the physical and the spiritual life requires us to prepare and use our finances, to be open to the gift of children, and, ultimately, to trust God in the integrated whole. 

There is an undeniable relationship between finances and fertility. A peace of heart and mind is achieved when finances and fertility are bound together with faith. 

God has a plan for you and he desires you to grow in relationship with him and your spouse. God will never give you something you can’t handle, including a child. It is a blessing to welcome life into the world. A blessing doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges or hardships, but it means that the gift outweighs the cost. 

Anything worth doing is worth fighting for.

There will be hard conversations and budgeting choices you have to make. There will be a learning curve as you begin to navigate NFP for the first time (or for the first time with a spouse). 

Building collaboration and intimacy in your marriage is a practice that, when offered to God, is affirmed with grace. Where there is struggle, there is growth; NFP certainly has its peaks and valleys, but it is worth it.

---

About the Author: Bridget Busacker is a public health communications professional and founder of Managing Your Fertility, a one-stop shop for NFP/FABM resources for women and couples. She is married to her wonderful husband, David, and together they have a sweet daughter.

INSTAGRAM

The Beautiful Wounds: WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM

Managing Your Fertility: WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER | FACEBOOK

Newlywed Life | Supporting Your Spouse During Pregnancy

Preparing for married life is its own journey of knowledge and experience. Preparing for parenthood, a great gift and invitation into the Father’s own creative genius, isn’t so different: there are plans, anticipation, the sense that your life is on the precipice of permanent, formative change.If you and your spouse find yourselves expecting early on in your marriage, how can you support one another?

Here, five suggestions for deepening your relationship and growing in self-gift during the season of pregnancy.

Photography: Kirsten Ann Photography

Express your needs clearly.

In these weeks and months of physical and emotional change, any fatigue, sickness, and nesting-induced desires to remain at home more often are normal. As you and your beloved navigate these changes for the first time, communication--just as in so many other dimensions of a healthy relationship--goes a long way in keeping the both of you on the same page. Rather than assuming your spouse knows your current physical and mental states or expecting certain acts of service or help, voice them! A loving spouse will be more than happy to serve you when expectations are communicated clearly.

Are you expecting a “honeymoon baby?” Insights into the joys and challenges.

Know how much--or how little--practical preparation is healthy for you and your beloved.

Some couples devour as much literature on marriage as possible before their wedding day; others prefer more practical wisdom and experience over the written word. Neither approach to preparation is right or wrong, but simply a matter of preference and personality.

In the same way, the world of baby and parenting books is vast. If you find yourselves overwhelmed by information or in disagreement with certain principles you encounter, know you’ll be no less loving or capable parents if you choose to step back from reading and education. As an alternative to intensive reading and research, try simply talking with your spouse about the birth experience, career plans, education possibilities, and family culture each of you envisions.

Develop habits of sacrifice.

The family is built on self-gift and service. Each of our domestic churches is a school of loving sacrifice, and this call is particularly evident in the demands of caring for a newborn. And yet, even before your child is born, you and your spouse can strengthen yourselves in self-giving; willing what is best for another person even when it’s inconvenient and when the feelings aren’t there. During these months of preparation for parenthood, identify concrete ways each of you desire to grow in sacrifice and self-discipline and help one another put these ways into action. Consider practices like fasting, avoiding your snooze button, or limiting screen time.

Find ways to stay connected to your spouse while raising young children.

Seek compromise in all things.

Another milestone, another registry. As you and your spouse choose the items you’ll use to care for your baby, you might find yourselves in varying states of excitement and disagreement, just as you did while creating your wedding gift registry. Strive to see and listen to one another and communicate your priorities.

Compromise in parenting, of course, extends beyond material matters. Know that it’s alright not to be in complete agreement over every matter of sleep, discipline, feeding, and more before your baby’s birth. As you and your spouse enter into your roles more fully after baby arrives, you’ll find greater freedom and flexibility in making decisions best suited to your child’s temperament and to each of your needs. Your child’s life is eternal, allowing you more than enough time to determine your outlook on parenting!

Do decisions about the future stress you out? Read about finding rest in the unknown.

Invite each other in.

Although men and women experience pregnancy in distinctly different ways, there’s no denying the deeper closeness that arises from sharing an intimate, particular love for your child; your love for one another, made embodied and visible. So savor this sacred time, and embrace the gift of being revealed to one another in a new way. Check in frequently on one another’s feelings, meet any fears with hope and sensitivity, and pray together for your child as he or she grows and as you choose a name.

If you and your spouse struggle with infertility, you are seen and aren’t alone. Read past pieces on infertility here.

We love walking beside you in your vocation. Are you currently expecting? Share in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media with your best tips for nurturing your marriage during pregnancy.