Emotions and Will in a Season of Waiting

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STEPHANIE FRIES

 

Seasons of waiting and preparation are inherent to the Catholic liturgical calendar. Both Lent and Advent are significant and intentional times to ready our minds and hearts for a new encounter with Christ--through both his birth and his death and resurrection. 

Similarly, seasons of waiting and preparation are embedded into our personal lives, especially in times leading up to significant encounters of relationship. 

Engagement is a space prior to a wedding. Pregnancy is a space prior to the birth of a child. The passage of time can often be a trigger for the rise and fall of emotions. How we manage, process and project those emotions is part of our personal journey toward holiness. 

In the Gospel of Matthew, we are instructed to “be perfect, just as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” In our earthly pursuit of sanctification, we can learn from the perfect human hearts of Jesus and Mary. 

Fully human yet divine in nature, we see that both Jesus and Mary, in their separate experiences of approaching death and childbirth, respectively, were affected by feelings of impatience, fear, or anticipation. 

In the sorrowful mystery of Jesus’ agony in the garden, we read Jesus experienced feelings of sorrow and distress in the final stages of his preparation. Keep in mind how, in many ways, his entire public ministry was all a part of the journey towards his new reality in heaven. The agony in the garden is not his solitary experience of anticipation, but a final culmination of waiting before the new journey to the cross begins. 

Despite his soul being filled with sorrow, he approached God in prayer three times, praying, “My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!”

He feels the breadth and depth of sorrow, a deep emotional experience, and he admits the ache of his heart! Yet in the same sentence, he unites his own will to God’s will. He surrenders his sorrow to trust in God. 

We hear an echo of this surrender in Mary’s experience 33 years prior when she prepares to conceive, deliver, and raise Jesus as her own son. In the joyful mystery of the angel Gabriel’s Annunciation unto Mary, she responds with a question, a doubt: “How can this be?”  

The dialogue continues between the angel and Mary until she united the questions of her heart to God’s will and says, “May it be done to me according to your word.” Her pregnancy continued through additional experiences as she journeyed--emotionally and physically--to the birth of Jesus. 

In these stories, we read of two human beings who engaged in seasons of waiting with strong emotions, yet perfectly offered their will to God’s desire.  

The Liturgical seasons of the church are intentional times to help us reflect on the posture of our hearts as we approach the ever-new realities of our faith. Even more, the seasons of waiting embedded in our vocations as wives and mothers are real-life opportunities to turn reflections into practice.

As it was with the agony in the garden, the Annunciation or engagement and pregnancy, certain opportunities may be once-in-a-lifetime. This Advent, create a space in your heart for the season of waiting to implant itself deep into your heart so when the opportunity comes, you too can surrender your sorrow, fear, anxiety or doubt to the will of God the Father with hopeful trust.

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Newlywed Life | Supporting Your Spouse During Pregnancy

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Preparing for married life is its own journey of knowledge and experience. Preparing for parenthood, a great gift and invitation into the Father’s own creative genius, isn’t so different: there are plans, anticipation, the sense that your life is on the precipice of permanent, formative change.If you and your spouse find yourselves expecting early on in your marriage, how can you support one another?

Here, five suggestions for deepening your relationship and growing in self-gift during the season of pregnancy.

Express your needs clearly.

In these weeks and months of physical and emotional change, any fatigue, sickness, and nesting-induced desires to remain at home more often are normal. As you and your beloved navigate these changes for the first time, communication--just as in so many other dimensions of a healthy relationship--goes a long way in keeping the both of you on the same page. Rather than assuming your spouse knows your current physical and mental states or expecting certain acts of service or help, voice them! A loving spouse will be more than happy to serve you when expectations are communicated clearly.

Are you expecting a “honeymoon baby?” Insights into the joys and challenges.

Know how much--or how little--practical preparation is healthy for you and your beloved.

Some couples devour as much literature on marriage as possible before their wedding day; others prefer more practical wisdom and experience over the written word. Neither approach to preparation is right or wrong, but simply a matter of preference and personality.

In the same way, the world of baby and parenting books is vast. If you find yourselves overwhelmed by information or in disagreement with certain principles you encounter, know you’ll be no less loving or capable parents if you choose to step back from reading and education. As an alternative to intensive reading and research, try simply talking with your spouse about the birth experience, career plans, education possibilities, and family culture each of you envisions.

Develop habits of sacrifice.

The family is built on self-gift and service. Each of our domestic churches is a school of loving sacrifice, and this call is particularly evident in the demands of caring for a newborn. And yet, even before your child is born, you and your spouse can strengthen yourselves in self-giving; willing what is best for another person even when it’s inconvenient and when the feelings aren’t there. During these months of preparation for parenthood, identify concrete ways each of you desire to grow in sacrifice and self-discipline and help one another put these ways into action. Consider practices like fasting, avoiding your snooze button, or limiting screen time.

Find ways to stay connected to your spouse while raising young children.

Seek compromise in all things.

Another milestone, another registry. As you and your spouse choose the items you’ll use to care for your baby, you might find yourselves in varying states of excitement and disagreement, just as you did while creating your wedding gift registry. Strive to see and listen to one another and communicate your priorities.

Compromise in parenting, of course, extends beyond material matters. Know that it’s alright not to be in complete agreement over every matter of sleep, discipline, feeding, and more before your baby’s birth. As you and your spouse enter into your roles more fully after baby arrives, you’ll find greater freedom and flexibility in making decisions best suited to your child’s temperament and to each of your needs. Your child’s life is eternal, allowing you more than enough time to determine your outlook on parenting!

Do decisions about the future stress you out? Read about finding rest in the unknown.

Invite each other in.

Although men and women experience pregnancy in distinctly different ways, there’s no denying the deeper closeness that arises from sharing an intimate, particular love for your child; your love for one another, made embodied and visible. So savor this sacred time, and embrace the gift of being revealed to one another in a new way. Check in frequently on one another’s feelings, meet any fears with hope and sensitivity, and pray together for your child as he or she grows and as you choose a name.

If you and your spouse struggle with infertility, you are seen and aren’t alone. Read past pieces on infertility here.

We love walking beside you in your vocation. Are you currently expecting? Share in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media with your best tips for nurturing your marriage during pregnancy.