Pride and Vulnerability: An Examination of Conscience
/EMILY LOGIN
Pride: one of the worst infections that worms its way into marriages.
PHOTOGRAPHY: Victory Media
When the warm feelings start to die away after the honeymoon, life begins to settle into a new normal. Each spouse chooses his or her side of the bed (come on, everyone has a favorite side!), you organize the closets and drawers, and both respective spouses return to their daily work. It does not take long for the realization to hit home that marriage is harder than anticipated.
In marriage you are asked to join two separate lives, but not just on the big ticket items, but on the small every day to day grind type of activities.
Each spouse has habits and routines and individual ways of completing tasks and spending free time. Ultimately we have a simple, though far from easy choice: we can either each have our own “things” in our own corners, or we can surrender to the unity of the marital bond through vulnerability.
Vulnerability, or the act of laying bare one’s soul to the other, can sound cute and fun in the outset. We share everything now- two become one!
When spending enough time with another though, vulnerability becomes something that you have to work at daily and constantly.
As we dive deeper into the sacred sacrament of Matrimony, we may feel tempted to separate ourselves from our spouse intellectually, spiritually, emotionally because the depths of love can appear overwhelming. We fear that who we are will drown and be lost.
We see broken marriages. Wounds in our families and imperfections in those married couples we want to emulate can shatter an image of what we think marriage should look and feel like. We wonder if true vulnerability, if risking our very selves, is worth it?
True vulnerability lays down all that we have and all that we are in humility and honesty and says “this is who I am.” Period. I leave nothing out.
Vulnerability crushes the head of the serpent of pride.
It leaves no room for toxic individuality - rooms and places in the heart where the other is not invited to come.
When both spouses have the courage to be truly honest and lay down all of themselves at the feet of the other, then together, they can pick up the pieces - all of who he is, and all of who she is to create a oneness, a union stronger than anything in this world.
I leave you with a few questions to examine whether pride has crept into your marriage:
-Do I hide information from my spouse?
-Do I try to keep my cell phone, internet usage, and purchases private from my spouse?
-Am I honest with my spouse?
-Do I tell “half-truths” to my spouse, omitting details from a situation?
-Do I bottle up my feelings, only sharing what I want the other to see?
-Do I want to share both good and bad moments from my day with my spouse?
-Am I upset when tasks are not completed in the way I want?
-Do I always try to lead the relationship? Do I allow my spouse to lead?
-Do I always have to be right?
-Am I able to admit when I have made a mistake?
If you struggle in any of these ways, consider reading these archived Spoken Bride blog posts.
About the Author: Emily Login is a wife and mother of one living in Maryland. She is a special education teacher at a Catholic school and runs a small online used bookstore called Lazarus Catholic Books.