Witnessing to the Fidelity of God in Marriage

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CORINNE GANNOTTI

 

The Catechism contains a section in which each sacrament is reflected upon in detail - its significance in the life of faith, its place in God's plan for us, the meaning of its ritual, its spiritual effects in our souls. 

The article dedicated to the sacrament of Matrimony in particular, contains a portion which reflects on the nature of the kind of love that marriage asks of spouses - specifically the deep fidelity it demands. Nestled in there are a few paragraphs which I truly love. They begin like this:

The "intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons…demand total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable union between them. The deepest reason is found in the fidelity of God to his covenant, in that of Christ to his Church. Through the sacrament of Matrimony the spouses are enabled to represent this fidelity and witness to it. 

When I read that, every word feels like it rings with the authentic character of truth. 

Deep fidelity is demanded in marriage, and it bears profound witness to the kind of love that God offers - faithful, honest, personal, forever. 

An unbreakable and intimate union. That's the very reason fidelity is an essential character of marriage in the first place, as an echo of the divine love it symbolizes. That truth is so eloquently explained here. 

But it's actually the paragraph immediately following these that makes me love this section so much and feel a particular kind of gratitude for the bishops who made sure it was included. As you read on, you hear:

It can seem difficult, even impossible, to bind oneself for life to another human being. This makes it all the more important to proclaim the Good News that God loves us with a definitive and irrevocable love, that married couples share in this love, that it supports and sustains them, and that by their own faithfulness they can be witnesses to God's faithful love. Spouses who with God's grace give this witness, often in very difficult conditions, deserve the gratitude and support of the ecclesial community. 

This paragraph plants the divine reality of God's love which marriage images into the imperfect messiness of our fallen world. And it also reminds us that our imaging of God's divine love through marriage is not something that depends solely on our own capacity. It's not some kind of task the Lord places upon us in our vocation as a spouse to see how we measure up.

Choosing to love and serve another person for the rest of our earthly life, to faithfully place their needs above our own, is no small thing. It asks for all we are capable of and more, and that's what can make it at times seem impossible. Apart from grace, it really is. 

And that's the very reason, the Catechism reminds us, that it's so important for us to constantly proclaim to ourselves and others that we draw strength from God's love to live out our marital promises.

Because we can confidently trust that God's faithful love will be ever available, we do not have to fear that we will come up empty handed.

When we are weary and struggling, He can sustain us so that we can continue. Our fidelity can rest in His fidelity.

God, as the shepherds of His Church here remind us, does not wish for us to hide or dismiss our struggle. He wants us to bring it to Him so He can provide healing and restoration and renewal. We can be honest about how difficult the demands of marriage are because in that honesty we make space for God to provide.

Sometimes, I think, in our zeal to defend and witness to the greatness of this sacrament in a culture that misconstrues it greatly or perhaps has dismissed it entirely, we focus so deeply on how marriage is a reflection of the ever-faithful love of God that when we find ourselves experiencing how living that out can sometimes feel like an impossible task, it can seem like admitting to failure. 

We can be tempted to think that struggle within marriage is something we must hide or pretend does not exist if we wish to give the best witness. But that's a lot of pressure. And it can set us up to bear a great deal of shame and self-blame. 

What these statements in the Catechism remind us, is that when we do acknowledge our deep need for God to help us remain steadfast in marriage, far from failing as witnesses to marriage's goodness, we actually become more capable of witnessing to the faithful love it demands, showing how deeply we are bolstered up by God's grace.

If your marriage has ever felt difficult, even impossible, do not fear that you are failing.

You are not, and neither are you alone. You are spoken of in the very lines of the Catechism itself. And the bishops remind you here that you deserve to receive the gratitude and support of the ecclesial community, the whole Church family, because the kind of love marriage asks for is something beyond what we can offer in our humanness even at its best. 

The community of the Church should bolster us up in the midst of our challenges. God supports us in every step, but we have to do what we can to cast off the false and very unhelpful belief that admitting to struggle in our marital relationship makes us less effective witnesses to the goodness of this sacrament. 

Perhaps that effort can look like doing what we can to respond with compassion to the shortcomings we find in ourselves and our spouse, or availing ourselves of the graces and healing available especially through the sacraments of Confession and Communion, or even simply by beginning to pray that God would help us experience the reality of His faithfulness to us.

Far from failure, struggling in marriage allows space for God to supply that which we need, and becomes the way in which we reveal His love to the world.

About the Author: Corinne studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University where she met her husband, Sam. They were married in 2016 and now live in Pennsylvania with their two children, Michael and Vera, and where she continues to work in the ministry field. She especially enjoys reading stories with her 3 year old, running, and crossing things off her to-do list. She desires to live a life marked by joy, and is grateful to have a family who makes that effort much easier by helping her take herself less seriously.

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