Honoring Marriages at your Wedding
/DENAE PELLERIN
We understand the vocation of marriage through the example of families. In a world full of broken marriages and wounded families, it can be difficult to find families that have withstood the temptation of divorce.
People say the amount of people choosing to become married is decreasing, and many Catholics find despair in this reality. It was only when I became engaged that I began to consider another perspective as I approached my own sacrament of marriage.
PHOTOGRAPHY: CHELSEA SLIWA PHOTOGRAPHY
“What you guys are doing is amazing,” said my brother as he took photos of the new sparkly ring on my left hand. I was stunned by the words I never thought I would hear him say; he admits he is the last person who will likely get married. He went on to explain how in the 21st century there is no obligation towards marriage--the social norms surrounding sex, marraige, parenting and cohabitation, for example, present a lifestyle in contrast to Catholic teaching.
He went on to admit that by choosing to get married, my fiancé and I were “choosing to suffer for one another,” intentionally choosing to a more difficult and inconvenient life out of love for one another.
While he comprehended his observation, I was taken aback by an additional revelation: is choosing to get married more of a witness to Christ than ever before? Could it be possible that a decrease in marriage means the marriages in the world are rare but authentic and significant models of intimacy?
This reality inspired me to honor the vocation of marriage and family more prominently at our wedding.
My fiancé and I are extremely fortunate to have come from families where none of our parents or grandparents are divorced. We desired to honor the incredible foundation and value for marriage our families have given us.
A Tribute to the Past
Many weddings present a display of wedding photos of grandparents and parents. It is a beautiful way to commemorate their sacrament and to show the family history. We added a unique flair by inviting the women in our family to display their wedding dresses.
My mother and paternal grandmother, mother-in-law and husband’s great-grandmother’s dresses were displayed. My dad built wooden stands, my mother-in-law found forms to display the dresses on, and my Mom designed and finalized the installation. My mother-in-law had made a baptismal gown out of her dress for our niece, and we ensured it was also displayed. A wedding dress is so special, and it was meaningful to bring the dresses out of the closet and put them on display again!
In addition to the visual display, our emcees introduced our parents and grandparents and shared how long they have been married as well as something sweet about when they were dating or getting married during the meal.
A Shared Table
I once heard that to choose to have a child is to choose to make room for another person at your table. Psalm 128 speaks to children being “like olive shoots around your table,” which, according to Pope Francis, means children are full of energy and vitality while the parents are the foundation of the home.
As you enjoy your first meal as husband and wife at your wedding reception, you establish a new foundation from which others will be invited to share at your table. But before that day, you were first invited to another’s table.
On our wedding day, rather than having a traditional head table made up of the bridal party, we sat with those who gave us the foundation to build our own table—our parents. It was a sign of the two families becoming one new family; a moment in time where the tables we came from came together.
As wedding speeches were shared, we laughed and cried with the four most significant people who taught us what it means to be married and to form a family. It was an intimate experience. And for a bride who was nervous about being the center of attention, I was empowered by the love of those around me to be present in the moment and emotionally vulnerable.
An Alternative to a Bouquet Toss
I love a good Beyonce moment, but instead of tossing my flowers, we surprised our guests with a different opportunity to take the bridal bouquet home.
Our DJ invited all couples to the dance floor and we danced to the Brad Paisley song, “Then.” The emcees began asking people to leave the dance floor based on how long they had been married. To make it more fun, they did this by speaking about historical events in specific years.
It began with the non-married or most recently married couples leaving the floor, which eventually revealed the longest married couple on the dance floor. This couple received my bridal bouquet and a round of applause for their decades of commitment.
You learn about marriage and family life from your biological family, long before you say I do. Your wedding day is the first day of your marriage; it is also a day married couples are reminded of their own vows and the joy of new love and new beginnings. I challenge you to find ways to celebrate and thank married couples for their witness and to re-inspire them in their vocation.
In what ways have you seen marriage honored and celebrated at a wedding? Share your experience and observations with the Spoken Bride community on Facebook or Instagram.
About the Author: Denae Pellerin discovered the truth of Christ at an evangelical summer camp as a youth and later made her way to the Catholic Church because of her public Catholic education. Denae loves Catholic Social Teaching, Marian Devotions, and Women-Centered Pro-Life Actions.