Answering Common Questions from Non-Catholic Wedding Guests

Getting married in the Catholic Church can be an invitation for non-practicing or non-Catholic friends and family to encounter the faith. The experience of entering a Catholic church—whether for the first time or for the first time in a long time—can bring a range of emotions and questions. 

As the ministers of the sacrament of marriage, the bride and groom are not only responsible for exchanging vows with each other, but are also serving their guests as leaders and teachers. Here, we share some of the most common questions non-Catholic wedding guests may ask—or wonder—and suggested responses for each.

PHOTOGRAPHY: NIKAYLA & CO.

Why is a Catholic wedding so long? 

A regular Catholic Mass typically lasts about one hour. The first half, called the Liturgy of the Word, includes introductory prayers, readings from Scripture, and a reflection from the priest. The second half, called the Liturgy of the Eucharist, includes the celebration and sharing of the Body of Christ with the addition of prayers and songs. 

When a Catholic wedding seems to last a long time it is because the exchange of vows and rings occurs within the regular liturgy. Therefore, you can expect the regular hour-long Mass plus the wedding ceremony. 

Catholic Weddings do not have to include the full Mass. So when they do, it was an important choice the bride and groom made when planning their wedding. 

What should I expect from the Mass? And what’s with all the movement up-and-down?

In general, the priest is the leader of the Mass. The congregation follows his words and actions for cues on what to say, when to say it, and how to move. However, other people support the Mass by reading and serving in different ways. 

You can expect that Mass will start with sitting or standing and listening to readings from the Bible. In the middle, the bride and groom will share their vows and rings with each other. Then the Mass continues with communion, or the Eucharist; this part involves more standing and kneeling and responding in prayer. 

How do I know what to do and should I follow it? Are there any rules I need to know about?

There are a few ways you can follow along with the Mass. First, you can observe the people around you and follow their lead. (Truly, no one will notice if you are a second behind the crowd.) Second, you can look for “The Order of the Mass” in one of the song books in your pew to follow a written outline. Third, if the bride and groom have prepared a program, you can use the program as a guide. 

As a non-Catholic, you are invited (and encouraged!) to participate in the sitting, standing, kneeling, singing, and praying portions of the Mass—as much as you are comfortable. After all, you have been invited to this wedding to be a part of the community of witnesses to pray for and celebrate the bride and groom. Regardless of your spirituality or religious beliefs, there is a joy to be shared as the two become one, through love, in marriage. 

When it comes time for communion, there are special considerations for non-Catholics. Continue reading the next question for more. 

What is communion? Can I take communion? What should I do during communion? 

Catholics believe that the simple bread and wine presented on the altar during a Mass become the living, real presence of Jesus--his body, blood, soul, and divinity. To receive communion is to receive the body of Christ. 

If you practice a different faith, do not share this belief, or have not been spiritually prepared through catechesis to receive the Eucharist, you are invited to remain present in the Mass without receiving communion. 

As the congregation processes to the front of the church during communion, you can choose to receive a blessing--by walking forward with your arms crossed on your chest so each hand rests on the opposite shoulder--or to remain at your seat. Either way, this is a time for reflection, solitude, and recollection.

PHotography: Alex Krall Photography

How can I support the couple during the ceremony if I'm from a different faith or am not religious?

Prayer can be defined as a longing of the heart. While you are present at a Catholic Mass to support a couple you know and love, give your heart space to long, to desire, for their eternal happiness, faithful love and total commitment to each other. This couple has invited you to be a part of their special day to not only celebrate the beginning of their married lives, but to also celebrate the history of their lives that led them to this day. 

Being present at a wedding ceremony is about a reciprocity of love—offering love for the new couple and receiving their love for your role in their life. Differences in faith or spirituality do not take away from this meaningful sharing of the heart. 

Are there guidelines about what to wear?

Imagine how you might prepare if you had the chance to meet the Queen of England. As you stand face-to-face with her regal throne and dress, you would likely present yourself with a certain level of prestige, reverence, and modesty. 

The same thinking is appropriate in preparation for a Catholic wedding. During the Mass, Catholics celebrate coming face-to-face with the King of Kings, Jesus Christ, who is fully present in the Eucharist. Maintaining a sense of prestige, reverence, and modesty in respect for the beliefs of the Catholic faith is a safe policy when choosing what to wear at a Catholic wedding. 

For more common questions and answers about a Catholic Wedding, check out a post from our archives: 4 Scripts for Explaining Catholic Wedding Traditions to Friends + Family.