How to Use Personality Inventories in Your Marriage
/CARISSA PLUTA
When my husband and I were engaged we both accidentally found ourselves at a Myers-Briggs personality assessment class hosted by Career Services on our campus.
We both were required to attend for different reasons, and were surprised when we walked out of the class with a better understanding of our future spouse.
Assessments like the MBTI, the Four Temperments, and the Five Love Languages are used to give people insights into their personalities and to help foster self-reflection.
While it’s true that these assessments such cannot paint a full picture of an individual (nor do I think they should be used to define compatibility), they can provide useful information that can help you better understand yourself and your spouse.
Highlight Strengths (and weaknesses)
Individuals can use personality assessments to gain a better understanding about who they are as a person and can help individuals recognize their strengths and weaknesses and gain insight into how that may affect their relationship with their fiancé or husband.
For example, according to the four temperaments, I am a Melancholic. This means while I am a thoughtful, reflective person, I also may have a difficult time with offering forgiveness to people who have hurt me. Learning about my temperament has made me more aware of my problem-areas and have personally helped me better deal with them.
Again, tests like this can be affected by a person’s upbringing and lifestyle, so it is not an all-encompassing glimpse into an individual; however, it can increase self-awareness which is important for a successful marriage.
Foster Understanding
Ben and I learned that our Myers-Briggs types were similar in many ways but we noticed many of our miscommunications and arguments stemmed from our differences.
Learning about how the other processes emotions, and how they perceive and interact with the world around them allowed us to “step into the other’s shoes.” It gave us a better awareness about how they might view and react to a situation, and in doing so, helped us approach them with more understanding and compassion.
Understanding the differences in the individuals’ personalities can help alleviate animosity and criticism within a marriage.
Keeping these differences in mind when approaching a difficult situation can help couples navigate challenges with more patience and empathy.
Grow in Love
Personality assessments can also help give you a more clear idea of what would make your spouse feel the most seen and loved, and can give you the tools you need to love them well.
For example, knowing your spouse’s love languages can help you to show affection in that specific way more often. Or perhaps you might choose to intentionally nurture a structured home environment knowing that your husband thrives in order.
Personality assessments can ultimately give you a deeper appreciation for the uniqueness of each person, including your spouse and your children and can ultimately help you see this uniqueness as a gift from God.
