Betrothal Ceremony | Paola + Matt

The Lord can bring joyful, grace-filled surprises out of the most unexpected circumstances. Paola and Matt weren’t planning on postponing their October 2020 wedding, but a global pandemic forced them to prayerfully reconsider their plans.

In the end, it was this time of uncertainty that led to Paola’s discovery of the Rite of Betrothal, a beautiful but often-forgotten tradition and gift of the Church for engaged couples. Through God’s supernatural peace that “surpasses all understanding,” they were officially betrothed on the anniversary of their engagement. 

In Paola’s Words

I'm not the first to say that this pandemic has thrown a wrench (or maybe an entire shed of tools) into people's plans--including my October 2020 wedding.

In light of this, I spoke to four of my engaged girlfriends to gain their perspective and understand how they planned to move forward. Three decided to celebrate their wedding day on its original date, and one moved up her wedding and married earlier. All four postponed big celebrations and limited their ceremonies to the government-mandated ten people. 

Though slightly different in their decisions, each couple shared one thing in common: the sacrament of marriage meant more to them than the original celebration they were planning.

After hearing their experiences and gathering information from sources like the CDC and WHO (both forecasting the possibility of the virus making a second round in the fall), my fiancé and I prayed about a decision. At last, it was clear. My type-A, detail-oriented, accountant mind told me my next step: go hug a pillow and cry.

Based on all I had read and heard, I pigeon-holed myself into a restrictive thought pattern: get married now, celebrate later. My initial thought was, "If I postpone my wedding day, people might think I prioritize parties over the sacrament of marriage." This, of course, was absolutely false. 

My second, conflicting thought was, "Am I still practicing my Catholic faith if I end up postponing my wedding?" Both scenarios led to unrest in my heart, and I was in serious need of Holy peace.

I'm sure you know what kind of peace I'm referring to: the peace that only God provides. It "surpasses all understanding" (Phil 4:7). I have felt this peace only twice before: once before major surgery, and again when deciding my current living situation. I told myself I wouldn't make a decision until I felt that kind of peace again.

Enter Spoken Bride's article on betrothal ceremonies. I had never heard of the Rite of Betrothal, let alone how to pronounce it! I knew that Mother Mary and St. Joseph had been betrothed, but I didn't know anyone in modern-day society still celebrated it. As I read the article, I felt the Holy Spirit sprinkle a teaspoon of that Holy peace in my heart. 

Related: Consider A Betrothal Ceremony: What It Is, Why It's Significant + How To Plan One

I proposed the idea to my fiancé, Matt, while discussing the possibility of postponing our wedding until 2021. To my surprise, he was all for it! This was truly the Holy Spirit at work. That feeling of being forced into the aforementioned pattern, or any other marital mold, started to subside.

Matt and I were betrothed on the first anniversary of our engagement in Philadelphia by the priest overseeing our marriage prep. He’s also the celebrant for our 2021 wedding. Why Philly? That's a story over drinks! The people present at the church included the priest, our photographer, and, of course, the Holy Spirit. Honestly, that's everyone we needed.

Our betrothal has been one of the biggest blessings for us this year. Amidst the chaos COVID-19 has created, this wonderful sacramental grace has brought peace, patience, and resilience to our prolonged engagement adventure. 

Matt and I do understand the importance of the sacrament of marriage. We understand it so deeply that we have asked God for the virtue of patience to carry us to May 2021, so we can celebrate with our dear family and friends. And as he usually does, the Lord sent down the Holy Spirit to grant us the grace we needed.

So, dear reader, if you're like me and find yourself talking with your future husband about postponing the best day of your life for any reason, don’t think for a single moment that you aren’t following the teachings of our lovely faith. 

Consider a betrothal ceremony! In fact, even if you don't postpone your wedding, I still encourage you to consider the beauty of a betrothal. Just make sure you feel that Holy peace.

Photographer: I’m Mary Katherine | Church: St. Patrick's Church in Philadelphia

Betrothal | Ashleigh + Rodolfo

We are honored by the opportunity to walk alongside you in this marriage ministry, from Yes to I Do and beyond, and we love returning to our couples' stories as they continue to unfold. If we've featured your love story in our How He Asked engagement series and you now feel called to share your wedding with us, as well, submission details can be found here.

Read more here for the story of Ashleigh and Rodolfo’s engagement, a story of grace overcoming tragedy and a surprise proposal in Ireland.

The Catholic Rite of Betrothal is an ancient celebration that has largely fallen out of practice, but it has seen a recent surge in popularity among young Catholic couples. Betrothal is the traditional way of becoming engaged in the eyes of the Church, and it is a solemn pledge of intention to marry between a man and a woman. After a couple is betrothed, only a priest can dissolve the engagement. 

You can read more about the meaning of the rite and how to plan the ceremony here.

Ashleigh and Rodolfo chose to have a betrothal ceremony to begin their engagement with the official blessing of the Church, and they were overwhelmed by the love and support they received.

In Ashleigh’s Words: Rudy and I have attended an FSSP (the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter) parish for a few months now, and we have truly fallen in love with the Extraordinary Form of the Mass. One day, I was looking through traditional Latin Mass “inspiration” on Instagram and saw a post about a betrothal ceremony. I brought the idea up to Rudy, and we both agreed it was a great way to start our engagement. 

It was such a beautiful ceremony, and the best part was that it “rocked and rolled”--quite literally! As the Rite of Betrothal began, an earthquake hit southern California. I joked with Rudy about how thankful I was we went to confession before Mass, but I was truly thankful in that moment. Not just for confession, but for Mass, the FSSP, and the beautiful community we have found at St. Vitus, including the many people from the parish who came to witness our betrothal.

For both of us, that was the best part of the day: seeing how many people came. Because we are very new to the parish, neither of us expected many people to attend our betrothal, but I was truly overwhelmed by the support we received. The prayers offered for us mean more than I can express.

Church: St. Vitus Roman Catholic Church FSSP Los Angeles | Dress: Amazon  | Veil: Veils by Lily | Photography/Videography: Jordan Pacheco

How He Asked | Annie + Kelvin

Annie and Kelvin met in the summer of 2015 at their parish's young adult group. Annie was about to start her senior year at the University of Miami, and being home for the summer, desired to find a Catholic community to get involved with while away from her campus ministry. Kelvin was working as a mechanical engineer and had been attending this group for a few years.

Sharing an interest in learning about and discussing the Catholic faith, Annie and Kelvin became friendly acquaintances. After getting to know one another throughout the summer, when the time came for Annie to return to school, Kelvin asked for her number so that they could stay in touch. Throughout the school year, Annie and Kelvin's friendship deepened until it was clear the Lord was calling them to marry one another.

In Annie's words: I knew there was something unspoken between us, but I wanted Kelvin to make the first move. I didn't know if we would make a good match due to our personality differences, since I am very extroverted and Kelvin appeared to be quiet, serious, and introspective. I quickly became impatient with the pace of our developing friendship, wanting things to progress faster, so I had to constantly remind myself that if this was the Lord's will, it would happen in His time. 

After ten months of friendship, we entered into an exclusive dating relationship and eventually began discussing marriage. Fast forward eleven months to March 25th, 2017, the solemnity of the Annunciation: we were kneeling before Jesus present in the Blessed Sacrament at an adoration chapel, and  Kelvin proposed, asking me to be his "beloved, betrothed, and wife." Through tears of absolute joy, I said YES!

We decided to do a betrothal ceremony after reading about it online, and I'm so glad we did. It was more than a blessing of the engagement--it was a solemn vow to love the other with a self-sacrificial love, like Jesus, and keep the upcoming sacrament of Matrimony as the focus of the engagement. 

We had already decided we wanted all major milestones in their relationship to be centered around Marian feast days, due to our devotion to Our Lady, so our Betrothal Ceremony was on May 13th, 2017 - the 100th Anniversary of the apparition of Our Lady of Fatima! We invited close friends, family, and the wedding party. The ceremony was celebrated by Kelvin's spiritual director, a retired priest of the Diocese of Palm Beach, Father Brian Flanagan, and was followed by a Mass celebrating the Feast of Our Lady of Fatima. 

 It was definitely an interesting experience inviting people and talking about the Betrothal Ceremony. The most popular response was, "I've never been to one." My favorite response to that was, "Neither have I!" This was a new and beautiful experience for both Kelvin and I, and our guests. The most exciting part was the witness we were giving to authentic love, and putting Christ at the center of our relationship. We didn't want to make our engagement and wedding planning about ourselves and all the fancy things, but the fact that the Lord has called us to go outside of ourselves, and lay down our lives for the other in the sacrament of Matrimony. 

Annie and Kelvin will be married on October 7th, 2017 at the same church where they met.

Photography: Soulshine Creative | Proposal - Saint Jude Catholic Church, Tequesta, FL | Betrothal Ceremony - Cathedral of Saint Ignatius Loyola, Palm Beach Gardens, FL | Ring: JARED The Galleria of Jewelry

Betrothal Ceremony | Danielle + Jeff

You may remember Danielle and Jeff from their "How He Asked" feature, published in June. Today, we're excited to share with you their betrothal ceremony, a traditional Catholic rite of blessing for engaged couples. If you're not familiar with the Rite of Betrothal, read on to find out what it is, how it's done, and why they are increasingly popular amongst young Catholics. 

In Danielle's words: On Sunday, March 12, 2017, Jeff and I arranged for the priest at St. Joseph Catholic Church in Miesville, MN, to celebrate the Solemn Rite of Betrothal for us after Mass in the Extraordinary Form. It only lasted about 15 minutes, but it was a beautiful little ceremony for blessing our engagement.

For those who are not familiar, the Rite of Betrothal, in the Catholic Church, is a free, mutual, true promise, vocally expressed between a man and woman who pledge themselves for future marriage to one another. It is a praiseworthy tradition to have a Catholic couple’s engagement solemnized and blessed by the Church. Although it is not a sacrament, it is a sacramental and a canonically binding agreement between both parties.

Since we wished to enter into this agreement, Jeff and I went up to the communion rail to meet the priest once Mass had ended. Then the priest began the ritual with song and prayer. He said,

Beloved of Christ: It is the dispensation of Divine Providence that you are called to the holy vocation of marriage. For this reason you present yourselves today before Christ and His Church, before His sacred minister and the devout people of God, to ratify in solemn manner the engagement bespoken between you.

The priest continued with his allocution and then asked us to join our right hands together.

The priest asked for us to repeat after him, starting with Jeff.

Jeff, holding my hand, looked at me very lovingly, and said,

In the name of our Lord, I, Jeff Rother, promise that I will one day take thee, Danielle Duet, as my wife, according to the ordinances of God and holy Church. I will love thee even as myself. I will keep faith and loyalty to thee, and so in thy necessities aid and comfort thee; which things and all that man ought to do unto his espoused I promise to do unto thee and to keep by the faith that is in me.

Then, looking into Jeff’s eyes, I said,

In the name of our Lord, I, Danielle Duet, in the form and manner wherein thou hast promised thyself unto me, do declare and affirm that I will one day bind and oblige myself unto thee, and will take thee, Jeffrey Rother, as my husband. And all that thou hast pledged unto me I promise to do and keep unto thee, by the faith that is in me.

After, the priest took the two ends of his stole and in the form of a cross placed them over our clasped hands. Then he declared us betrothed and sprinkled holy water over us in the form of a cross. Afterward, he blessed my engagement ring. 

Jeff took the ring and placed it on my index finger saying, "In the name of the Father," then on my middle finger, "and of the Son," and finally placing it on my ring finger, "and of the Holy Spirit. Amen." The priest finished the readings for the Rite of Betrothal and two witnesses came up to sign the document, along with our signatures and that of the priest.

It was a beautiful moment for us and I am very happy we chose to participate in this holy tradition of the Church. I believe it has added abundant blessings and graces to our engagement, which I firmly believe will continue manifest even more fully once we enter into the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.

Photography: Alyssa Michelle Photography | Church: St. Joseph Catholic Church, Miesville, Minnesota | Engagement Ring: Gittelson Jewelers 

We Want to Share Your Story

Our mission at Spoken Bride is to be a witness of the beauty of the Catholic understanding of the sacrament of marriage, and we are truly grateful for the ways that our vendors, contributors, and newly engaged and married couples help us do just that. If you haven't considered submitting your story to Spoken Bride, we hope you will. In addition to wedding features, we are particularly interested in the following: 

Jeremy Wong Weddings

Proposal stories - This spring we launched our "How He Asked" series. We are always looking for newly engaged couples and their proposal stories. Professional photography is encouraged, but not required for this submission. 

Betrothal Ceremonies - If you and your fiancé decide to take advantage of the Church's traditional betrothal ceremony, consider sharing it with us! Again, professional photography is encouraged, but not required. 

Weddings featuring mixed cultures and ethnicities - Our Church is beautifully diverse! We would love to showcase and share its many countries and cultural traditions. 

Weddings featuring various Catholic Rites - Spoken Bride isn't just for Novus Ordo Catholics: we love to hear from couples whose wedding liturgies were celebrated in other rites (Byzantine, Tridentine, Maronite, Armenian, etc.). The Church is many parts and is universal! Let's celebrate it and share it with others. 

International Weddings - Know of a Catholic couple who got married outside the US? We'd love to feature their wedding! 

Convalidations - Catholics originally married outside of the Church, who wish to have their marriage recognized as a permanent and sacramental covenant, do what is called a convalidation ceremony. It's our honor to share the stories of real couples who've felt called to make that covenant.

Styled Shoots - Are you a vendor who has recently collaborated with others to create a beautiful styled shoot? We'd love to share the inspiration and images from the shoot. Please note: If you attended a workshop with a styled shoot incorporated for the attendees and you would like to submit it, you will need to get permission from the head of the workshop before doing so. 

Original articles on anything related to engagement, marriage, wedding planning, etc- Your reflections, advice, and musings on the beauty of the sacrament of marriage are invaluable to us and our community here at Spoken Bride. If you have an idea for a post that fits with our mission, please send it our way. Please note that we cannot use pieces that have been published previously on other websites or publications. Editorial policies can be found here in full.

If you have questions or want more information on requirements for different types of submissions, check out our submissions page or email us at hello@spokenbride.com. We look forward to hearing from you and sharing what the Lord has done in your life with our Spoken Bride community! 

Consider a Betrothal Ceremony: What it Is, Why it's Significant + How to Plan One

DOMINIKA RAMOS

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast on 10/20/2020.

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When my husband and I became engaged, we decided to have a betrothal ceremony. At the time, we knew very few couples who had had one, and fewer people still who knew anything about it. 

A betrothal ceremony, or a Rite of Betrothal, is the traditional way of becoming officially engaged in the eyes of the Church. It's a short but beautiful ceremony, in which the couple solemnly pledges to marry one another on a specified date. We were drawn to the ceremony for several reasons:

image: Jiza Zito

As a blessing for our engagement.

My husband and I were both in school during our engagement. In the midst of scouring the web for bridesmaid dresses and trying to keep up with reading for class, it was a lovely pause in our lives to solidify our response to the call of marriage and receive graces that helped make our engagement a period of deeper spiritual enrichment than it might have felt otherwise. 

One element I particularly love about the Rite is that it includes a blessing over the engagement ring. There's a temptation as a newly engaged young woman to scrutinize and compare rings with other engaged friends, yet having your ring blessed can be a powerful reminder to reject comparison. It's a gift to receive your engagement ring again after the ceremony, now transfigured by the blessing into a sacramental. These days when I'm changing diapers or washing dishes and catch a glance of my sacramental engagement and wedding rings, it serves as a reminder to say a quick prayer for my marriage and family. 

As an opportunity for our families to come together to celebrate our engagement.

We tried to keep things simple in planning our wedding, so our betrothal ceremony became the perfect opportunity to get our families together in lieu of having an elaborate engagement party. If you or your fiancé come from a family that isn't particularly religious, the ceremony can be an opportunity to express to them your belief that marriage and family are founded on, and strengthened by, faith.

As a reflection of how seriously we took marriage.

Far more than being a nice thing to do, a Rite of Betrothal contractually obligates the engaged couple to be married on a specific date. What the man has proposed to the woman then becomes a binding agreement, which, if the engagement were to be called off, would have to be formally dissolved by a priest. Thus, for the couple and for the witnesses, the ceremony sets the tone for the gravity of marriage as not merely a declaration of love, but a profound covenant wrought by God.

Betrothals can be as elaborate or as simple as you wish. We held our betrothal ceremony after our parish's Saturday Vigil Mass in the small chapel where we'd gotten engaged, with only our immediate family members present. However, another bride I know had hymns, flowers, formal invitations, and a guest list of fifty.

You might have yours after Sunday Mass with family members and your bridal party and go out to brunch afterwards. You might have a larger ceremony and have a reception in place of an engagement party. Or you might have it at your parents' home, with a private Mass and an intimate dinner, if you have a family friend who is a priest.

Unless your priest is familiar with old and somewhat obscure devotions of the Church, it's likely that he won't have heard of a betrothal ceremony. The priest who did our ceremony (and later celebrated our marriage) happened to be a zealous convert to the faith, so he was thrilled when we introduced him to this tradition. If you're met with hesitation, seeking out a priest who is more comfortable with traditional liturgical practices might be the way to go. 

Engagement is frequently seen as a frustratingly harried waiting period, but it's not. It's a pilgrimage. And a betrothal ceremony is a holy seal and blessing sending you on your way down the path to your vocation--down the path to greater union with God. In a world where the meaning of marriage is constantly misshapen to fit personal desires, a betrothal ceremony is a beautiful and bold way of witnessing to the truth of God's design for this sacrament.

The text for the Rite of Betrothal can be found here.

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Dominika Ramos is a native of Houston, Texas though she dreams of spending her days frolicking in the English countryside. She and her husband met at the University of St. Thomas, where she studied English literature, and they were married at the Cathedral of Our Lady of Walsingham on the Feast of the Visitation in 2014. Her life is currently composed of running Pax Paper, a hand-lettering and illustration business, blogging about the transcendental aspects of motherhood (among other things) at A Quiet Quest, and chasing after her rambunctious and delightful toddler son.  PAX PAPER | BLOG | INSTAGRAM