Integrity Makes Us Whole: What it Means to Desire a Visually Beautiful Wedding Day
/STEPHANIE CALIS
In my experiences working with brides and engaged couples, I’ve talked to many women who excitedly describe their wedding plans to me, often followed by a qualifier something like, “but of course, the sacrament is the most important part.”
It’s true! Entering into marriage, speaking your wedding vows with soul and body, is transformative. An outpouring of grace.
Photography: Fiat Photography
And yet, why do couples sometimes feel guilt when they dream of a visually beautiful wedding day? Is it that they hope beauty won’t be a distraction from the greater, divine reality taking place, or that downplaying the material elements is somehow more virtuous?
If you’ve ever felt this way, I commend your spirit of humility and moderation. I also invite you to reconsider the purpose of beauty.
Any desire you have for a beautiful wedding--the church, the music, the gown, the flowers, the meal, and more--isn’t at odds with the sacrament. In fact, I’d argue sensory beauty enriches the beauty of the sacrament. God himself is all truth, goodness and beauty.
Therefore, held in proper perspective, any wedding elements that evoke the true, good and beautiful are an opportunity--an invitation--to know the heart of God more deeply. These desires are a good thing!
I call this an “appeal to the heart.” Beauty stirs something within us; an ache for meaning and for the infinite. We are made for eternal life, and so these longings draw us into our identity and purpose.
Truth, goodness, and beauty are relational. A bridge. Wherever you are in your spiritual life, whether or not all your wedding guests are Catholic, beauty speaks a language we can all understand. It brings together the intangible with the real, integrating them into something more powerful than either could be on its own and making us more wholly human.
Integration and integrity are so closely linked. When our priorities are rightly ordered, there is peace, and less disconnect between our interior lives and the exterior we present to the world.
I see this sense of order extend beyond wedding planning and into the dynamics of relationships and marriage: love itself is a school of integrity.
When we act out of love, rather than seeking to gain, we’re free to express love in a way befitting our current state (whether engagement or marriage). In living out authentic love as best as we’re able--that is, a love that gives freely, faithfully, totally, and fruitfully--our words and bodies communicate respect, reverence, and an encounter beyond just the physical. A true sense of integrity.
When the body, soul, and mind are ordered toward freedom and self-gift, authentic love becomes far more than guidance or rules; rules become unnecessary, because we’re already living out our personhood as we’re meant to.
Have you experienced these tensions--that is, a desire to prioritize the sacramental nature of your wedding day while still conveying visual and sensory beauty? A hope to lessen any division between the inner and outer parts of who you are?
That tension is our humanity; the gift and weight of living in this world while anticipating the next. I hope beauty stirs and moves you, that your wedding day and marriage make God’s goodness visible, and that the pursuit of integrity bears abundant fruits in your vocation.
About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more