Contemplative Love--A Comfortable Silence
/STEPHANIE FRIES
I remember the silence of an early date with my now-husband.
PHOTOGRAPHY: EMMA DALLMAN PHOTOGRAPHY
It was the first time we made pizza together at my apartment in Washington, DC. At the time, we were somewhere between all the initial get-to-know-you-phase and the we’re-comfortable-enough-to-talk-about-anything-relationship.
As we stood back-to-back, each taking responsibility for a slab of dough, there was a lull in conversation that lingered for several minutes.
Silence can be filled with awkwardness and anxiety, no doubt. But not this one. (Not for me, at least.) I remember feeling comfortable and content in the silence.
I was filled with gratitude that I could be there, making dinner with a kind, good-looking gentleman, void of the pressure to keep a conversation going.
Obviously, this visceral memory has stayed with me over the years and through many transitions. While recently reading an article about the process Lectio Divina--reading and listening, meditating, prayer, and contemplation--the following excerpt brought this memory back to mind:
Though I had experienced being in the presence of God before I started dating Geoff--in Mass and in prayer--that contemplative posture was not something I sought out or craved. I wasn’t aware my heart needed moments of “quiet rest in the presence of the one who loves us.”
Learning to love Geoff and learning to let myself be loved by him opened new sensations in my heart. I was awakened, for the first time in my life, to my desires for Eros.
The experience of silently making pizza in the presence of Geoff helped me realize how much I crave being in the presence of Love.
Our dating relationship journeyed through many ups and downs before we discerned our shared desires to pursue a vocation to marriage together. The years of dating and separation were less about how we fit in each others’ lives, however, and more about where God fit in each of our lives.
I learned about my heart through Geoff. That knowledge was a catalyst for my heart to seek God. And the more I pursued God, the more my heart was aflame to love and be loved by Geoff. The cycle continued (and still continues).
This unity between husband, wife, and God is so rich and beautiful. As the relationship between husband and wife grows stronger, the relationship with God simultaneously grows stronger. As individuals continue growing in their personal intimacy with God, they will naturally build deeper intimacy with each other. This is the mystery of love; a love that is free, total, faithful, and fruitful. In this way, the fruits of love are not only children, but also a deeper love and stronger virtue.
Now that my husband and I live in the same home and are raising a daughter together, we have to be intentional about creating moments to be silent in each others’ presence, simply for the sake of enjoying the experience. It’s too easy to talk about the happenings of the day, to turn on the TV or music, or to stay busy with chores around the house.
Similarly, I have to be purposeful in scheduling moments to pray. Left to its own devices, my schedule will quickly overflow with commitments and demands, pulling me away from a posture of contemplation.
Every heart is designed, by God, to love and to be loved. Whether we know it or not--whether we admit it or not--we long for silence, rest, companionship and intimacy. We yearn to be seen and known by Love.
Make the time and space to enter into the silent presence of the ones and the One who loves you. Make the time to “enjoy the experience of being in the presence of God.”
