How Lent Can Deepen Your Marriage Preparation
/MELISSA BUTZ
During our season of engagement, my fiance and I have spoken a lot about “dying to self” and what it looks like to put the other’s needs above our own. This idea ties in perfectly to the season of Lent, the time when we remember the sacrifice Our Lord made on the cross, giving His life for each one of us.
PHOTOGRAPHY: ABBEY REZ PHOTOGRAPHY
The idea of "dying to self" completely goes against what society teaches us today. We are fed lies that "I" is more important than anyone else, including our spouses.
Not only is it countercultural to put another first, but to go one step further and renounce something you desire, only to give another what they want instead... that's mind blowing!
Yet, this is what spouses are called to do, and how they are called to live and love. The sacrament of marriage is a call to imitate Jesus in the way He loved his bride, the Church, giving up His very life for her and all its members - us!
For engaged couples, Lent can greatly deepen the season of preparation before they enter into marriage.
Anticipate
Naturally, as in most every season of life and in the Church, there is the idea of waiting.
During the entire forty days of Lent, and most especially during the Triduum, the Church anticipates the Resurrection of our Lord. This mirrors the expectations and anticipation felt by the couple during the engagement period.
Jesus' sacrifice on the cross was done purely out of love for us, paralleling the gift of self during marriage and the union that will shortly take place between the two individuals and Christ himself. It reminds couples of the fact that they must die, to only then be united in full spousal love.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines unity in marriage as, "a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul."
Lent is a really beautiful time for engaged couples to contemplate the sacredness of the sacrament that will shortly take place and pray through the eagerness they feel before the wedding day, when they will offer themselves fully to the other.
Purify
The acts of giving something up and fasting during the forty days are purifying for both the individuals and the couple as a whole, as they take this step in their vocation.
It prepares one to say "no" to his or her selfish desires in married life, so he or she can say "yes" to this new vocation and everything it entails. The “no” is necessary so the “yes” can take place and the couple can enter into the conjugal love of the sacrament.
This renouncing of self and quenching of greed during the forty days of Lent is the beginning of a much deeper purification.
“You will fast… for in that day there will be expiation done for you in order to purify you.”
Sin
Before entering into heaven, each person must endure a purification, to prepare his or her soul to receive God's love in all its fullness. This can either happen through sacrifices on earth or in purgatory.
Both the bride- and groom-to-be can use this Lenten time to deny their desires, in order to help them overcome personal sins.
While nobody will ever be perfect, our God is a healing God. If we ask for the grace to resist temptation, He will always provide it. Then it's up to us to use it and get back up when we fall, always remaining close to Him.
Thus, taking these forty days to ask for help to overcome specific sins or asking for the grace to grow where necessary can reap many rewards.
Prayer
Lent cannot exist without prayer.
While contemplative prayer on our Lord's passion is important, intercessory prayer is one of the most powerful forms of prayer. In it, we join with the communion of saints, whose main goal is to intercede for us here on earth.
So then imagine intercessory prayer between a married couple, who are united sacramentally in a covenant with Jesus and the Church - it's stronger than anything!
A priest once advised me and my fiancè to pray one Hail Mary every night before going to sleep, and to offer it for the other’s intentions and struggles. He told us this simple prayer for the other is enough to transform spouses into Mary and Joseph, and ultimately lead to holy families.
He stressed that we don’t have to pray an entire novena or rosary for the other, but just this simple act, prayed with love daily.
These forty days, while just a bit more than a month, can have a big effect on individuals before being joined together sacramentally.
Let's use this time to the best of our ability, to get in the habit of making little sacrifices and praying for each other each day. It's these little "no's" to personal desires that allow us to say "yes" to a beautiful, God-filled wedding and marriage.
