If We are to be Molded by the Creator, May we be Bent into the Shape of a Cross.
/JAY ROSS
I wish I had this quote included in my wedding vows. At the time, I was an evangelical Atheist, (far from the homeschooling Catholic I am now). I fought tooth and nail to remove all traces of scripture from my wedding.
If I could plan my wedding all over again, I would be as malleable to God as metal is to its maker.
PHOTOGRAPHY: JOY-MARIE MENDOZA PHOTOGRAPHY
Faith was absent from my wedding and every experience of wedding planning. That process did not yield the spiritual fruit that it could have—and should have. If you let it, you will be amazed by the fruits and graces that come with including God in every step of your marriage.
I am a jeweler. When I make a wedding ring, the metal is heated to over 1,000 degrees celsius (1832 fahrenheit), banged many times with wood or metal, sanded and stripped away, and polished. For gold or platinum, the precious metals most often used for wedding bands, this is not a pleasant process. But the end result is pristine.
As the creator, I guide the raw materials through a very difficult process to make something beautiful. In how many ways does God desire to do the same with my heart and soul as I am transformed through the sacrament of marriage? How often do difficult experiences form the beauty of our present lives?
Now, I know, planning a wedding is hard. We were seniors in college, extremely active in a local advocacy group, and working in the jewelry business. We were inexperienced in the realms of adulthood and underprepared for the responsibilities and financial costs associated with planning a wedding. We never considered the lasting effects that could come with intentional planning. And we never anticipated the difficult impact from the common stressors of wedding planning either.
Yet, over time, I have been refined. But I often wonder what kind of refinement could have happened sooner if I allowed myself to be formed by my Creator earlier in life and earlier in my marriage.
To have been present in real time, within my wedding planning, I would have had solace in the times I needed it most. I would have realized my potential as a man and spouse before I approached the marriage altar.
When we have a relationship with Jesus Christ and bring our difficult experiences to him—in prayer, in relationships, or in the Sacraments—he melts our hearts, strips away our burdens, and forms us into the persons he created us to be, into saints.
As we think of ourselves as a precious metal waiting to be formed into something pristine, the process is not pleasant. I know it is especially hard in the moment to “offer it up.” Yet, we are invited to bring those difficult, painful experiences of refinement to prayer, into an intimate conversation with your Creator.
God has formed me through my vows so I have a clearer vision of his design for my life, my marriage and my family. I encourage you to bring God to the center of your wedding planning--bring him into everything you do with, and for, your spouse. Not only will you grow closer to each other, but also closer to heaven.
Ultimately, you are working with your beloved to bring each other to heaven; planning a wedding together can be a great opportunity to deal with stress, to approach sacrifice and suffering as a cross, and to be shaped and formed together. This is the process which creates the most beautiful offering you can present to Our Lord when death do you part.
About the Author: Jay holds an MFA from the University of Central Florida. Jay and his wife Angie are Co-Founders of 31:Four Artisan Jewelry--an all-Catholic design and manufacturing studio based in the Orlando area. They are teaching the trade to their four children, who will be fourth-generation jewelers.