Why Holy Leisure is Essential for a Healthy and Holy Marriage
/CARISSA PLUTA
When was the last time you and your husband did something that made you both feel completely alive?
PHOTOGRAPHY: MAGGIE DUNN PHOTOGRAPHY
After a long day at work, or an exhausting afternoon of keeping children alive while also trying to minimize tantrums, it’s hard to want to do anything more stimulating than sitting on the couch in your pjs.
Husbands and wives find themselves needing to unwind from the day's events, so they often default to watching a television show for date night or scrolling on their phones to “relax” when they have any downtime.
Who has the time or energy for anything else?
Today’s culture which promotes productivity and lauds those who “hustle” has warped the holy idea of rest.
Instead of seeing rest as a necessity for a fully human life, it is seen as a time to wind down and shut off; a chance to charge our batteries like machines so we can get right back to work.
However, true leisure goes beyond this.
In his book Leisure: The Basis of Culture, Catholic German philosopher Josef Pieper writes that leisure is like “the stillness in the conversation of lovers, which is fed by their oneness… And as it is written in the Scriptures. God saw, when ‘He rested from all the works that He had made’ that everything was good, very good, just so the leisure of man includes within itself a celebratory, approving, lingering gaze of the inner eye on the reality of creation.”
True leisure, holy leisure is not a state of inactivity, but of an active, contemplative stillness and wonder. It invites you to behold Truth face to face, to drink in His Beauty.
This leisure is necessary for the Christian life and a healthy marriage.
Firstly, Leisure reminds us who we are.
Pieper writes: “Leisure is only possible when we are at one with ourselves. We tend to overwork as a means of self-escape, as a way of trying to justify our existence.”
We often believe (even subconsciously) that we must prove to ourselves and others that our life is meaningful; we feel the need to quantify our contribution to our households, to society.
This comes from us placing our worth in what we do, rather than the truth of who we are. But rest helps reorient our thinking.
Ultimately, we rest because God rested. We are made in the image and likeness of a God who took time to delight in His creation.
We rest to remind ourselves that we aren’t slaves to our work, but daughters and sons of the King. And it is from this identity that our lives and our relationships, particularly our marriages, must flow.
Not only does leisure help you better understand your identity, but it also breaks you of the mindset that other people's worth comes from what they do, equipping you to love more fully.
Leisure helps you to love more fully.
It may seem counterintuitive to think that doing something enjoyable and lovely would help you love someone better. But, although it fills and pleases you, true leisure is not self-centered or pleasure seeking.
Pieper writes: “Nobody who wants leisure merely for the sake of ‘refreshment’ will experience its authentic fruit, the deep refreshment that comes from a deep sleep.”
When we make time to fill our own cups, we have more to pour out on the other people in our lives. It makes the giving more joyful and ultimately, more fruitful.
Leisure invites you to look out beyond yourself, and gaze lovingly at the Beloved, the source of Life and Love.
It teaches you to truly behold the other, recognize God dwelling in them, and allows you to wholeheartedly say to them: “It is good that you exist.”
Finally, leisure allows for true worship.
Pope Benedict XVI said: “If leisure time lacks an inner focus, an overall sense of direction, then ultimately it becomes wasted time that neither strengthens nor builds us up. Leisure time requires a focus- the encounter with him who is our origin and goal.”
Leisure isn’t good for us because it makes us feel good, but because it facilitates an encounter with our mysterious, all-loving God.
Binge-watching television shows, or mindlessly consuming content on the internet, while they do provide the needed rush of dopamine to make us (momentarily) feel good, are not activities that invite us to ponder the depths of God.
Pieper even goes so far as to describe worship as the highest act of leisure.
Worship, like other forms of leisure, cannot be utilitarian. It is pure celebration and communion with Goodness and Beauty Himself.
Leisure, in the ways it attunes your heart to the presence of God, brings you and your spouse deeper into the eternal dance, the unending song of praise to the Creator.
So, talk to your spouse about the things you “don’t have time for.”
Maybe it’s stargazing, hiking, or rock-climbing. Maybe it’s knitting or gardening, listening to beautiful music or reading good literature.
How can you make time for the activities that give you life and joy, that fill you with wonder and awe?
