The Importance of Reading Good Literature as a Catholic Couple

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DOMINIKA RAMOS

 

Do you read stories together as a couple? 

Spiritual reading and self-help books have obvious benefits and can spur on fruitful conversations, but I find we often overlook the power of reading good literature. 

On one level, sharing a story aloud itself simply fosters intimacy. Reading aloud and listening require you to slow down and pay attention to another person's experience. 

But reading fiction also offers a dimension of exclusivity and playfulness--together you imaginatively enter into the lives of characters in worlds far removed from your own, and you return from that experience each time with a sense that you've shared a journey unique to the two of you.

Perhaps even more so than you'd find with marital self-help books, the emotional quality of great literature can reveal the drama of our own hearts. In worlds as distant as medieval Italy or Regency England or Middle-Earth, it's heartening to come across and live briefly and vicariously through characters who contend with the same kind of doubts and hopes that we have, and it's heartening too to witness your spouse experience those revelations.

As C.S. Lewis puts it, "in reading great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself. Like a night sky in the Greek poem, I see with a myriad of eyes, but it is still I who see. Here, as in worship, in love, in moral action, and in knowing, I transcend myself; and am never more myself than when I do."

Related: 4 Secular Novels Featuring Insights into Authentic Love + Catholic Marriage

Stories also enrich the intellectual life you share with your spouse. W.H. Auden once wrote of our difficulty in making sense of the human experience as a result of "our poverty of symbols." Reading great literature with your spouse allows you both to inherit the poets' expansive world of symbols and allusions with which to make greater sense of life together.

When my husband and I feel weighed down by family and work obligations, we tend to function a bit robotically with one another. It feels as though our shared imagination contracts and our common vision of the world becomes murkier. 

In these seasons, I find it far more tempting to just soak myself in blue light each night catching up on my latest TV binge or scrolling on endless bite-sized snapshots of other people's lives. But putting aside my phone and spending even fifteen minutes in the evening to read aloud to one another from great works of literature lifts our eyes out of our immediate circumstances to a bigger picture of the cosmos. 

We come back feeling connected with one another, relieved from some of the stress in our lives, and endowed with more perspective for our own small story in this world.

Looking for your next read-aloud book with your spouse? Check out Spoken Bride’s Recommended Reading Archives.

About the Author: Dominika Ramos is a stay-at-home mom to three and lives in Houston, Texas. She runs a creative small business, Pax Paper.

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Board Games Suggestions for an Enjoyable At-Home Date Night

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MAGGIE STRICKLAND

 

After my husband and I got engaged, we started asking our newly-married friends for suggestions on building our registry. One answer that we received more than we expected was board games. 

We added a few to our registry, which meant we were prepared to host game nights, but over the years, we’ve added to those original games and figured out which ones are best with a group and which ones can be played easily with just the two of us. 

Leisure is a necessary part of both marriage and the Christian life. Playing board games provide unique opportunities for quality time, laughter, and developing communication skills. And they make a perfect at-home date night or a relaxing Sunday afternoon activity. 

Here are our top three two-person games that you and your spouse can enjoy together. 

Dominion

Dominion was the first game that we really played seriously as a couple; we loved it so much that we invested in several expansion packs and brought several of them along on our delayed honeymoon. This is one of our favorites and the one we almost always go back to.

The premise of this game is that each player is the monarch of a small kingdom who is vying with neighboring monarchs to acquire the most land. This deck-building game starts with small identical decks for each player and an assortment of other “kingdom” cards to buy and build your own custom deck to help you win. The original game stands alone quite easily, but any of the kingdom cards from any expansion can be mixed in, so there is quite a lot of variety.

Bananagrams

I grew up in a Scrabble-playing family, but the one downside to that game is how long it can be, since you have to wait for the other players to come up with a word before you can play again; we have had multi-hour games of Scrabble, which isn’t always conducive to marital harmony when one spouse (in our case, me) is impatient.

We prefer Bananagrams because it doesn’t require a board or score-keeping, and each player goes at their own pace. The game itself is really small – 144 tiles in a banana-shaped bag – which makes it a good game to pack when traveling. Using the tiles, each person constructs their own crossword, trying to use up their letters as quickly as possible. The speed of the game means that sometimes spelling errors are made in pursuit of winning, but we always end up laughing at the words each of us has chosen.

Forbidden Island

We were introduced to Forbidden Island by some new friends whose board game collection is extensive; they recommended it as a good way for us to get to know each other. It was great to play with another couple, because it was interesting to see each others’ communication styles, but it also works well for just two people.

In contrast to the previous two games, Forbidden Island is a cooperative game, in which players must work together to move around an island collecting items before the water level rises too high. Each player takes on a different, but essential role in helping to achieve the goal; there are multiple levels of difficulty, which makes this a good game to go back to. It isn’t a difficult game to learn, which makes it a good starting point for people who aren’t avid board game players, and the design of the board and pieces is beautiful.

One last note: board games can be expensive, especially if you end up not enjoying a particular game, so I recommend trying them before you purchase (or add them to your registry) if that’s possible. Some library systems will allow you to check out board games, or you might ask around to see if anyone you know owns a copy of the game you’re interested in playing.

About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days homemaking, chasing her toddler son, and reading during naptime. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in Birmingham, Alabama.

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Why Holy Leisure is Essential for a Healthy and Holy Marriage

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CARISSA PLUTA

 

When was the last time you and your husband did something that made you both feel completely alive?

After a long day at work, or an exhausting afternoon of keeping children alive while also trying to minimize tantrums, it’s hard to want to do anything more stimulating than sitting on the couch in your pjs. 

Husbands and wives find themselves needing to unwind from the day's events, so they often default to watching a television show for date night or scrolling on their phones to “relax” when they have any downtime. 

Who has the time or energy for anything else?

Today’s culture which promotes productivity and lauds those who “hustle” has warped the holy idea of rest. 

Instead of seeing rest as a necessity for a fully human life, it is seen as a time to wind down and shut off; a chance to charge our batteries like machines so we can get right back to work.

However, true leisure goes beyond this.

In his book Leisure: The Basis of Culture, Catholic German philosopher Josef Pieper writes that leisure is like “the stillness in the conversation of lovers, which is fed by their oneness… And as it is written in the Scriptures. God saw, when ‘He rested from all the works that He had made’ that everything was good, very good, just so the leisure of man includes within itself a celebratory, approving, lingering gaze of the inner eye on the reality of creation.” 

True leisure, holy leisure is not a state of inactivity, but of an active, contemplative stillness and wonder. It invites you to behold Truth face to face, to drink in His Beauty. 

This leisure is necessary for the Christian life and a healthy marriage.

Firstly, Leisure reminds us who we are. 

Pieper writes: “Leisure is only possible when we are at one with ourselves. We tend to overwork as a means of self-escape, as a way of trying to justify our existence.”

We often believe (even subconsciously) that we must prove to ourselves and others that our life is meaningful; we feel the need to quantify our contribution to our households, to society. 

This comes from us placing our worth in what we do, rather than the truth of who we are. But rest helps reorient our thinking. 

Ultimately, we rest because God rested. We are made in the image and likeness of a God who took time to delight in His creation. 

We rest to remind ourselves that we aren’t slaves to our work, but daughters and sons of the King.  And it is from this identity that our lives and our relationships, particularly our marriages, must flow. 

Not only does leisure help you better understand your identity, but it also breaks you of the mindset that other people's worth comes from what they do, equipping you to love more fully. 

Leisure helps you to love more fully. 

It may seem counterintuitive to think that doing something enjoyable and lovely would help you love someone better. But, although it fills and pleases you, true leisure is not self-centered or pleasure seeking.

Pieper writes: “Nobody who wants leisure merely for the sake of ‘refreshment’ will experience its authentic fruit, the deep refreshment that comes from a deep sleep.”

When we make time to fill our own cups, we have more to pour out on the other people in our lives. It makes the giving more joyful and ultimately, more fruitful. 

Leisure invites you to look out beyond yourself, and gaze lovingly at the Beloved, the source of Life and Love.

It teaches you to truly behold the other, recognize God dwelling in them, and allows you to wholeheartedly say to them: “It is good that you exist.”

Related: How to Plan and Enjoy a Sabbath as a Couple


Finally, leisure allows for true worship.


Pope Benedict XVI said: “If leisure time lacks an inner focus, an overall sense of direction, then ultimately it becomes wasted time that neither strengthens nor builds us up. Leisure time requires a focus- the encounter with him who is our origin and goal.” 

Leisure isn’t good for us because it makes us feel good, but because it facilitates an encounter with our mysterious, all-loving God. 

Binge-watching television shows, or mindlessly consuming content on the internet, while they do provide the needed rush of dopamine to make us (momentarily) feel good, are not activities that invite us to ponder the depths of God. 

Pieper even goes so far as to describe worship as the highest act of leisure. 

Worship, like other forms of leisure, cannot be utilitarian. It is pure celebration and communion with Goodness and Beauty Himself. 

Leisure, in the ways it attunes your heart to the presence of God, brings you and your spouse deeper into the eternal dance, the unending song of praise to the Creator. 

When I see your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and stars that you set in place— What is man that you are mindful of him, and a son of man that you care for him?...O Lord, our Lord,  how awesome is your name through all the earth.

So, talk to your spouse about the things you “don’t have time for.” 

Maybe it’s stargazing, hiking, or rock-climbing. Maybe it’s knitting or gardening, listening to beautiful music or reading good literature.

How can you make time for the activities that give you life and joy, that fill you with wonder and awe? 

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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The Art of Letter Writing: A Practice in Hospitality

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SHANNON MESSINK

 

“She gives of her best everywhere adding a touch of generosity, tenderness, and joy of life.” -Pope St. John Paul the Great

As a bride, one of our obligations within marriage is to consider how we, with our husband, can practice hospitality. The task of letter writing is one I consider the greatest (and simplest) way to practice hospitality, regardless of living situation, financials, number of little ones, highest college-English course completed, or personality type.

Good Old “Snail Mail”

Complementary to the art of homemaking, letter writing provides an opportunity for our feminine genius and generosity to blossom. Whether it be a thank you note to a friend, a get well card to an elderly relative, or a Mass card to someone who recently lost a family member, all these instances provide a chance for us as wives – the heart of the family – to express God’s love, care, and mercy to those within our relational community. 

The reason email, the internet, and social media have caught on so fast, aside from it’s obvious conveniences, is the human desire for making intentional, personal connections. As a child, if you had a pen-pal (do children today still have pen-pals?) or received the annual birthday card from Great-Aunt Jean, then you know what it feels like to be filled with anticipation at what awaits you when going to the mailbox or post office. This desire for personal, intentional, affirming words to and from another person is truly a gift.

Where to begin?

If the art of letter writing has piqued your interest, here are a few pointers on how to begin. Pull out that family calendar or that handy, old address book and  start with your immediate family and friends. Is your best friend’s birthday coming up? Send her a card! The holidays are (always) around the corner; consider  sending Easter, Thanksgiving, or Christmas cards to some of your closest friends and relatives.

Once you start , don’t stop with just these common occasions. Consider the events in people’s lives that are truly unique and meaningful and then go the extra mile to show that you are thinking about them. Engagements and wedding anniversaries, a new pregnancy or news of a miscarriage, reception of the sacraments, having a rough week, a Marian Consecration anniversary, the death of a family member, a move to a new town far from family–all of these occasions present opportunities of prayer for that special someone and a letter or even a Spiritual Bouquet card is one way to make tangible your prayers and kind thoughts. 

I assure you that the response to this simple gesture will surprise you; in fact, it often encourages others to pick up this “dated” habit and you might even find a few surprises in your own mailbox!

Have Fun!

In the end, hospitality or letter writing is not meant to be a chore, have fun with it and start where you are comfortable. Get creative by printing your own address labels, adding stickers or stamps, or even crafting your own greeting cards. If you’re not at that point yet, there are a plethora of stores that sell sweet, fun, and personal stationary for you to use. 

So try sitting down and writing to someone special in your life (even if it’s only to your husband). You’ll be gracefully affirmed for your thoughtful gesture.

About the Author: I am a cradle Catholic, wife to the most amazing husband ever, and mother to three little ones (the oldest of which awaits us in Heaven). My family and I reside in North Florida where we will soon be building a house and farming. I am an avid Eucharistic Adorer, servant of Mamma Mary, and love exploring the vast depths of our Catholic Faith and the feminine genius.

How to Plan and Enjoy a Sabbath as a Couple

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

What do your Sundays currently look like? Do they align with how you’d like them to look?

Personally, I love coming home from morning Mass to have lunch with my family and read a book during my kids’ nap times, yet I admit I frequently spend the rest of the day cramming in meal prep, chores, and errands in an attempt to feel “ready” for the week ahead. In a culture of busyness and distraction, I suspect I’m not the only one.

Photography: Laurentina Photography

Photography: Laurentina Photography

What does “ready” really mean, though? True, my Sunday habits help me feel materially and practically prepared, but too often I experience the creeping awareness that my spiritual and emotional readiness just hasn’t been satisfied. Lots of doing; not enough being. I crave carefree timelessness, but struggle to use my time well.

What do you and your beloved do for fun? Get ideas from the hobbies the editors share with their spouses.

I love the idea of a true Sabbath; a day to embrace the practices that help me, my husband, and our kids simply enjoy being present with one another in the activities that renew us and bring us joy. Here, for any others like me who desire a restorative Sunday routine, four questions to guide you in planning and entering into a fulfilling day of rest with those you love. 

What do we value?

Consider you and your beloved’s temperaments: what relationships, activities, and habits are most particularly important to you? For some couples, the answer might be social time with friends and family and for others, time alone for a date or a few relaxing hours at home. For some, it might be time away from screens, and for others, it might be catching up on movies or a show. For some, exercise is leisurely; for others, Sunday can be a break from the workout grind.

Examine and discuss what each of you values, and build those values into your Sabbath accordingly.

How can we distinguish our Sunday routines from the rest of the week?

Brainstorm and discuss ways you and your beloved can make each Sabbath feel distinctive from your typical weekly routines. This could take the form of morning or nighttime habits that encourage quality time and unhurriedness, like sleeping in and reading in bed, going for a walk, sharing reflections on the Mass readings for the day, or cooking a leisurely breakfast or dinner together. 

If you have children, consider simple, memorable rituals they can be involved with--for young kids, practices as seemingly ordinary as attending the donut Sunday after Mass, taking a family walk, or creating a short, Sunday-only prayer routine can become indelible memories! In my family, we like coming home from church to make eggs and toast and try to go on a low-key Sunday outing to nearby playgrounds or biking trails.

Playfulness enriches your marriage. Read more on cultivating a childlike spirit of joy.

What makes us feel most refreshed?

So many of us wish we had more time for hobbies or have a bucket list of activities we’d love to try “someday.” If you’re like me, perhaps you’ve ignored these lists in favor of scrolling through your phone, only to look up from the screen feeling restless and dull.

I encourage you--along with myself--to take the Sabbath as an invitation to engage in the activities that leave you feeling most alive and refreshed: time outdoors, reading, playing an instrument, or otherwise. Identify with your fiancé or spouse the activities you both love and can take part in together.

What weekend responsibilities can we reserve for Saturday instead of Sunday?

The imminent work week can make Sunday feel like an ideal time to get things done around the house and check off your to-do list, yet in my experience, I so often feel rushed trying to accomplish everything before Monday morning.

Instead, consider the time to breathe you afford yourself when you reserve cleaning, shopping, and organizing for Saturdays instead of Sundays. By doing the bulk of these tasks earlier in the weekend, you provide yourself with a cushion of extra time to get things done, as well as a needed break before your weekly routine begins again. 

So before the weekend starts, talk with your beloved about the responsibilities each of you hopes to accomplish, and plan how you can share and complete them as early on as you can.

What about you? If any of you have similar hopes for creating a true Sabbath, I’d love to hear the practices that have helped you do so and to learn about the weekend activities that bring you fully alive. Share in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Editors Share | Hobby Ideas for Couples

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It’s our privilege to be invited into your story and vocation. In gratitude, we love to share ours with you, as well. Today, the team shares the leisure activities and hobbies they enjoy with their spouses.

 

Carissa Pluta, Editor at Large

My husband and I love being outdoors, so hiking or even just going on a walk in our neighborhood has been a great way to spend time with one another. 

Recently, our activity of choice has been rock climbing. My husband got into before I did and kept asking me to come along. I was a little hesitant to try this new activity, but ended up loving it. I started asking him to go more regularly together. It’s a fun and challenging activity and gives us an opportunity to encourage each other to get better. 

We also love playing games with one another. We have a large board game collection and love spending an evening playing one, or more recently, Dungeons and Dragons. 

 

Stephanie Calis, Co-Founder & Editor in Chief

Gift-giving is neither mine nor my husband’s primary love language, but when I consider our favorite things to do together, they are centered around some of the most meaningful and most well-used gifts we’ve given!  

From the start of our marriage when we lived within walking distance of a rail trail, we’ve loved going on bike rides--a bicycle was my husband’s wedding gift to me--and now we continue enjoying family rides with our children.

We also love playing music together. I gave my husband a guitar when we got married, and over the years he has gotten me a ukulele (a longtime bucket-list item of mine) and keyboard (allowing me to follow up on my years of childhood piano lessons as an adult) as birthday gifts. We enjoy looking up chords to selections by musicians we love, as well as simply experimenting with melodies on our instruments and playing off each other.

Our other favorite hobby is discussing what we’re reading--we met in our college English class, after all! When we have the time, we enjoy reading the same novel together.

 

Andi Compton, Business Director

Ever since our dating days, my husband Matt and I have enjoyed watching movies together. Most nights we will throw on a movie or show while we work on other things; I love that we create our own inside jokes which give us excuses to laugh together during the day. 

Honestly, we are complete opposites in every way but the faith, and we tend to drag each other to things we each want to do. Matt will treat me to a musical now and then, he works on quilts with me, and I love dragging him to malls and model homes. He drags me outside on the occasional hike, to the beach, and to the park with our kids.

Lately I’ve been enjoying cooking with him when the kids are occupied with playing. He likes it much more than I do, but I like to pick the recipes, put on music, and be his sous chef.

 

Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

We enjoy going on walks and to the pool with our kids. When we have a show that we are into, we look forward to watching an episode with some fun snacks, such as stove top popcorn, ice cream, or yogurt with lots of toppings.

From time-to-time we like to indulge in an early bedtime and read side-by-side. We have recently started talking about investing in some board games to mix things up, too! We love playing games with extended family and friends, but have never gotten into it as a couple. We also love trying out new restaurants, wineries, and breweries when we can!

 

Stephanie Fries, Associate Editor

For better or worse, my husband and I are competitive. We were both athletes through college and met at a student-athlete conference; our competitive natures are ingrained in who we are! We’ve found some fun ways to keep the game day mindset alive while light-heartedly playing with (and against) each other. 

We love to take a soccer ball to a local field and play one-on-one. Bowling is definitely a favorite activity--one we did the first day we met, and on our wedding day! Game nights are perfect when we want to stay home. We especially enjoy Exploding Kittens, Settlers of Catan, and Scrabble. 

Some activities that keep us on the same team are traveling to new cities, exploring local breweries, and shopping at Ikea. 

 

Jiza Zito, Co-Founder & Creative Director

Three years ago, my husband started regularly working out through CrossFit. A year and a half later, I followed suit, and it has become one of the most fun parts of our marriage. We love encouraging one another and pushing each other towards personal goals week after week. This year we watched the CrossFit Games together and started reading up more on our favorite athletes and coaches. We have really come to enjoy being part of the CrossFit community. 

Our other hobbies include visiting historical sites and museums, visiting churches and shrines, tasting ethnic and local foods, and taking nature walks with our kids. 

We love sharing in community with you and hearing your own stories! Share one of you and your beloved’s favorite hobbies in the comments and on Spoken Bride’s social media.

 

Danielle Rother, Pinterest Manager

Most nights my husband and I will cuddle and put on a show or movie to unwind. I really love cuddling just before bed—sometimes it’s the highlight of my day! My primary love languages are quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation. So, I really enjoy being close and spending one-on-one time with my husband.

We also enjoy going out to eat and having intellectual conversations. One time an older couple came up to us when we were eating at Chick-Fil-A and they asked what we were studying—at the time, we actually weren’t studying anything! Both of us graduated with our master’s degrees a while ago, and we just like to nerd out and keep our minds sharp. Most of the time our conversations are on theological topics, but the subjects vary. If there is any way I can make a connection to literature, fairytales, or a Disney movie I certainly will!

Other activities we enjoy include playing board games and sightseeing. Sometimes we will invite friends or other couples over for a game night. Several of my favorite games include Ticket to Ride, Carcassonne, Lords of Waterdeep, and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: A Gemstone Mining Game. Those games are great for indoor fun! If we decide to do an outdoor activity, we might go sightseeing at the zoo or take a stroll around the park.