From the Groom | Even Through Imperfection, Peace Conquers All.

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BENJAMIN TURLAND

 

It was May 2nd, the day we would become one flesh in the sacrament of holy matrimony. We had been waiting for this day for over 15 months.

I think I am not much different than most people, where I dream what the wedding day will look like and think, "my wedding day is going to be perfect, no problems. It will be the best day ever!" We don't always say it out loud, but we think it, right? I expected all our problems would go away and life would be serene for the days surrounding our wedding.

Though it was the best day ever, I had to let go of these expectations—in reality, life did not stop happening for our wedding day. The week before the wedding, I was shaken by an uncontrollable event. The immense stress left me sick in the days leading up to our big day. We still had a lot to do and I was running around from here to there, picking up people from the airport, making and changing plans every day. My wife had an allergic reaction to a facial, and she broke out (which never happens). 

Rather than processing the stress, I pulled away from my groomsman, I didn’t talk to anyone, and I found it difficult to calm myself and focus in the hours before our wedding day. 

Then came the wedding day. I was still super nervous, stressed and sick. My groomsman could see it: I was the stressed-out groom. 

My groomsman came over to me, chose me, and prayed over me. Even though I had pulled away from them earlier in the week, they said “yes” to love and the Holy Spirit gave me peace through their presence. I realized the situations leading up to my wedding had been imperfect, but I could not let them ruin my peace. 

Between the once-in-a-lifetime wedding day and being surrounded by all my best friends, I chose to be present. I knew I could not change the past, but I could decide how much the past events were going to control me.

Through the Holy Spirit, it became easier to choose the moment. The prayer ended and I walked down the aisle. Here I was, before my God. Then came the bridesmaids, the flower girl, and finally Megan, my soon-to-be-wife. The person I had journeyed with to be here, through ups and downs. 

With Megan, I have never had someone who has brought me so much joy, laughter and love. But I have also never experienced hurt, distraction, frustration or anger with anyone like I have with her. This is love: it's not always perfect, but she is my best friend. Our relationship was not perfect, and no relationship is. I choose her in the imperfections. 

The Mass was everything I wanted. Becoming one—before God and friends—was the best experience. Our wedding day flew by and I still get sick and stress still creeps in. I have learned that marriage is just like my wedding day. 

Sometimes I idolize marriage and think that because I am married, life or the relationship will be perfect. This is hardly the case; marriage is another step in the journey towards heaven, towards intimacy with  God, towards sanctification. Marriage is the start, not the finish. This is the vocation that will get me to heaven. Megan will help get me to heaven. What is beautiful is that we are a sacrament. We offer grace to each other every day.

On that day, and every day in my marriage, I have to choose to love myself in my imperfections, while realizing I am on a lifelong journey and will never be perfect. I also have to choose to love and have mercy on Megan in her imperfections and support her on the journey she is on. 

Life is full of imperfections, but I try my best to not let those imperfections control me.

In marriage, you learn things about yourself you didn't even know existed; however, your spouse and the grace of the sacrament bring more joy than we can imagine. The experiences of marriage also bring extremes of every other emotion in the book. 

Even though the problems will not go away, I have someone who I know will battle with me till death do us part. Despite the stress and changes in expectations, I look back at pictures and truly see my wedding as the best day of my life.

About the Author: Benjamin joined the Catholic Church at age 17. Originally from a small mountain town, In British Columbia, he is now a full-time Catholic missionary with Catholic Christian Outreach and lives in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Benjamin loves sharing his faith, snowboarding, drinking coffee and traveling.

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