Remember Your Vows | Daily Strength for Difficult Moments
/MARIAH MAZA
If anyone asks me how to deal with conflict or trials in marriage, I will tell them two things: go to your room, get on your knees, and pray that God would shower you and your husband with the graces of the sacrament. And second, remember your vows.
PHOTOGRAPHY: JULIANA TOMLINSON PHOTOGRAPHY
In times when I am upset with my husband, when life’s unexpected crosses hit us, or when I don’t want to sacrifice in little ways for him, I find the most strength when I remember the vows I spoke on my wedding day:
“I take you for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”
These were the words I spoke in the presence of almost two hundred witnesses, in front of the tabernacle and in the true Presence of God. My husband and I had invited friends and family to our wedding to celebrate our sacramental union, but they were also gathered for another very important, often-overlooked reason.
Our guests were there to witness our free consent to enter into marriage with each other, “until death do us part.” The Catechism tells us “the consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of coercion or grave external fear,” and that “the public character of the consent protects the "I do" once given and helps the spouses remain faithful to it” (CCC 1628, 1631).
And so, in difficult moments, I try to remember that moment in front of the altar, holding my husband’s hand, vowing the rest of my life to him “for better or for worse.” I try to remember that our union is now an example of faithful, sacramental love to my family and friends.
What matters most isn’t that they never see us go through hard times, but that they see us remain faithful to God and to each other in the hardest times. What matters is that they see us live out not only half of our vows, but every part of them.
Psalm 116 reflects this when the psalmist writes “I will pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people” (Psalm 116:18). And when he says in Psalm 61 “I will duly sing to your name forever, fulfill my vows day after day” (Psalm 61:9).
The vows you make on your wedding day are lifelong words, overflowing with graces for every mountain and valley you and your spouse will walk through. They have given me strength when I’ve felt incredibly weak and have provided me with powerful accountability. And in the short time I’ve been married to my wonderful husband, I have found them to be an incredible comfort instead of a source of overwhelming fear--after all, who knows what crosses your vows may bind you to endure together?
A daily reminder of your vows, like daily rhythms of prayer that remind us of God’s presence and love, will help lay a strong foundation in your marriage. Consider printing them out and framing them on the wall in your bedroom, so you and your beloved can see them everyday. Commit to repeating your vows to each other in the morning before your routine begins, or on special occasions like your anniversary or favorite feast days. Strive to memorize them, like you would the Hail Mary or Our Father, so that in moments of distress you can easily and quickly recall them to mind.
And finally, ask the Lord to give you and your husband the grace and courage to remain faithful to your vows, so you may be a public witness to the truth, beauty, and goodness of Catholic marriage. Christ is no stranger to the sacrifice of remaining faithful to his Bride, and we need only to look up at a crucifix to remember the depth of love and faithfulness we have been shown.
