"Beauty pierces her heart and draws her into the sacred. She wants not only her wedding, but her marriage to reflect this in every way: through awe-inspiring liturgy, decor, and photographs, each infused, above all, with the radiant beauty only made manifest in sincere holiness. No matter her past, she has a love for all that is pure. She desires nothing more or less than to make a complete gift of herself. She chases fearlessly after virtue, knowing excellence is the path to true freedom, and freedom is for love. Deeply, profoundly, she is in love..."

Grief + Grace: Suffering a Miscarriage as Newlyweds

May 23, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

KATE THIBODEAU

As newlyweds, we approach our first years of marriage in a blissful state of faith and hope. We make vows to our spouses to remain with them for better or worse, richer or poorer, till death do us part.

Photography: Rachel Gallic Photography, seen in How He Asked | Katherine + Dominic — *Photography:* *Rachel Gallic Photography, seen in* *How He Asked | Katherine + Dominic*

I specifically remember the utter happiness of my wedding day--the very best day of my life--with no thought that sadness could so easily creep into these early days of joy and peace.

God gifts to married couples a specific store of grace to carry them through the learning curves and the hardships of creating a life together. These graces help us to learn sacrifice and charity and to offer ourselves and our desires up for the better of our spouse.

It is through these graces we are able to heal from wounds given to each other, the daily hardships we encounter, and for my husband and I, the greatest trial of all--the loss of our children.

A few months into our very ordinary and blissful marriage, my husband and I suffered the miscarriage of our first baby. We had not planned for this little one; in fact, we had prayed for clarity in our decision to start our family and discerned that waiting was in God’s plan for us. However, the short duration of our unexpected baby girl’s life tugged at our heart strings. Despite God’s prudence to call her home so soon, we grieved the loss of his gift.

In our sorrow, I remember both a spiritual darkness and an overwhelming shower of grace that affected not merely my personal grief, but our marriage. My husband and I were called to grieve together; to openly suffer and mourn in a new way.

I remember thinking the honeymoon phase was officially over as I sat speechless, watching my husband sob for our baby girl.

There was no more need for blithely skirting around each other and putting on a happy face, confident our love would overcome hardship. Our strength now was found in experiencing, together, God’s change of plan for our lives.

Sorrow and tears were followed by anger with God, frustration with my body, and an overwhelming sense of questioning our loss. I found myself sitting in the confessional, telling the priest through tears that I struggled with doubt in God’s decision, failing to understand how his sense of timing could be just or correct.

I fought fears that my husband could not suffer in communion with me, as he did not physically carry our child as I did. I listened to songs that made me think of my girl. I wrote letters to her that she would never read, bought a Christmas ornament to suffer through the holidays without her, and I cried through the Joyful Mysteries of the rosary, searching for the joy in my life.

My husband and I sought out the sacraments for graces and worked together to grow through our loss. We prayed a novena for answers, we picked a name for our little one (Charlotte Rose), inspired by St. Therese, who gave us great peace. We asked Charlotte’s intercession in her closeness to Jesus, that she may petition for the safety of her brothers and sisters to come. My husband and I prayed together through the tears and questions.

Our miscarriage journey is the greatest test of our faith as a couple so far: faith in our strength as a team, faith in our Catholic family, and most importantly, faith in God’s ultimate timing in our lives.

We are daily showered in grace upon grace. We are gifted humility in trust of God’s plan and his full control of our family. We are gifted patience as we yearn for another child following baby Charlotte Rose. We are gifted contentment in approaching our newlywed existence sobered and stronger to pursue God’s mission for our family.

In sharing our loss with other newlyweds, I hear a common cry of families who suffer their losses both in silence and in community. Their relationships are tried by fire and strengthened by God’s infinite store of grace given through the sacrament of marriage. God calls couples to the joy and pain of marriage together. He does not give us tasks that are beyond our reckoning.

While there is no deadline to the grief that comes with the loss of our child, my husband and I are still learning to grow as one in our suffering, having found a new depth in dependence on each other and God’s mercy.

With the blessing of our “rainbow baby” to come this fall, I am daily reminded of the gifts of life and love to marriages, and those that are taken too soon.

May we always keep those couples suffering in our prayers, that they may not lose faith in God’s timing, but to be encouraged to look for the grace and strength that follows the storm. May we ask our angel babies to intercede for us from their blessed seat with God. May we ask Mary to bring joy into our newlywed struggles and fill us with restored hope.

About the Author: Recently married to her best friend and partner towards salvation, Kate Thibodeau is learning how to best serve her vocation as a wife while using her God-given talents. Mama to angel baby, Charlotte Rose, and soon-to-arrive Baby Thibs, Kate has an English degree from Benedictine College, and strives to live in the Benedictine motto: that in all things, God may be glorified. Kate loves literature, romance, beautiful music, pretty things, wedding planning, and building a community of strong Catholic women.

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May 22, 2019

Resi + Jason | Fairytale-Inspired Filipino Wedding

May 22, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

For Resi and Jason, what began as an unlikely online match turned into something so much more.

By the time they reached the altar, their courtship had transformed both their spiritual lives and taught them a more Christ-like meaning of love and marriage. Their wedding reflected the beauty of the sacrament, a deep appreciation for their families’ culture, and the beginning of their vocational path to heaven.

From the Bride: My husband, Jason, and I met in one of the most unexpected, probably “least-Christian” ways: through Tinder, the dating app! Fortunately, he was the first and only person I ever met online.

I am a “cradle Catholic,” but if it wasn’t for my husband and his family, I might not be Catholic today. After going through another breakup, I prayed to God for someone to love, but only if he thought I was ready. I felt that I was. Not long after that prayer, I met the man who would become my husband.

They say not to talk about religion on the first date, but we did. I was exploring non-denominational Christianity, and Jason was a lukewarm Catholic. In spite of this, he invited me to go to Mass with him one Sunday a few weeks into our courtship.

I had not been to Mass in a long time, but I agreed. It was the first time I had been invited to church by a man I was dating. It would be the first of many Masses together at the church where we would be married, but I didn’t know that at the time.

His older sister was also a big influence in my return to the Catholic faith. She introduced me to the book Rediscover Catholicism by Matthew Kelly that sparked a fire in my search for truth. Since then we have all been growing together in understanding and love of the faith we were raised in.

Jason proposed on Christmas Eve 2016 while we were opening gifts with his family, two and a half years into our relationship. My family was unable to make it to dinner, but I was on the phone with them immediately after it happened. About a year and a half later, we were married on May 12, 2018 at St. Michael’s Catholic Church in Poway, California.

The theme for our wedding was “simple, elegant, and fun.” We are both huge Disney fans, so we wanted it to have a fairytale touch without overspending on insignificant details. We both come from large Filipino families as well, so we had a grand celebration with around 220 guests!

I chose two matrons of honor, and my husband had two best men. All four were equally special to us and played a significant role in our relationship. My six bridesmaids wore floor length burgundy dresses, and the flower girls wore ivory and gold. Jason’s six groomsmen picked burgundy-patterned neckties, and our fathers wore black bow ties. My handsome groom decided on a blend with a burgundy-patterned bow tie.

I found my wedding dress on an unexpected shopping trip with my sister-in-law. It was love at first sight!

Women my size, petite (4’11”), are commonly advised not to wear ball gowns because they tend to overwhelm us. But this is not always so. I almost didn’t try on a ball gown, but my stylish future-sister-in-law insisted I try one on for fun--and how fun it was to wear! I was debating between that and a figure flattering dress when the stylist came out with a big ruffled ball gown skirt to wear over a sequined mermaid style dress. It was the best of both worlds!

I wore the overskirt for the ceremony until the start of the reception. I truly felt like a bride and a princess. It was so big that after taking pre-ceremony pictures with it, I had to remove it, take it with me, and put it on again at church.

The shoes I chose to wear were also special. They were the same ones I wore for my 26th birthday, the day Jason and I officially became a couple.

Jason is the last of his siblings to get married. We were so blessed that our celebrant, Father Mel Monreal, is a close friend of his family; he celebrated all my husband’s siblings’ nuptial Masses as well.

Choosing how to walk down the aisle was another decision that took some thought. I wanted my entrance to represent coming to the altar of my own free will, but I also wanted to have both my parents walk beside me. We decided to, literally, meet in the middle. I went solo for the first half down the aisle and was then accompanied by my parents the rest of the way.

Jason and I did not do a pre-ceremony “first look.” While neither of us shed a tear during the procession, the moment we said our vows was a different story.

Our priest allowed us to step into the sanctuary so the entire congregation could more easily witness our vows. As I looked across to the man who was about to become my husband, my throat began to tighten. Realizing that this was the moment we would become one flesh, I was barely able to talk. I could see the emotion in my husband’s eyes as they began to water, just like mine. It was truly a beautiful moment.

At the beginning of our engagement, I learned about Theology of the Body. This completely changed my understanding of marriage and sexuality. My husband was reluctant to accept the theology at first, but after our Engaged Encounter retreat his heart opened, and we vowed to follow the life Christ wanted for us in marriage.

And so, we came to the altar on our wedding day with a deeper understanding of the vows were making to each other and to God. We still remind each other often of these vows and what they mean as we continue to grow deeper in our faith and in our marriage.

Jason and I had a traditional, Filipino Catholic wedding, which means we included coins, a cord, and veil ceremonies. I don’t think many people knew this, but the cord and veil we used were the same ones my parents used in their wedding 31 years ago! The thirteen coins, which are shiny, gold Philippine currency, were given to us by one of my matrons of honor; she had an extra set from her wedding. All of these are symbolic of the everlasting bond, unity, fidelity, and wealth and prosperity (in all forms) that we promise to each other.

After the nuptial Mass, when our coordinators showed us the ballroom before the reception began, I surprised my husband with my form-fitting dress. It was like having another “first look!”

I surprised everyone else during our grand entrance as we shimmied down the hall to Bruno Mars’ “Marry You.” After our entrance, Jason’s aunt led us in a thoughtful, extemporaneous prayer before dinner. We wanted food to be served during everyone’s toasts so our guests wouldn’t be hungry.

The most memorable thing about the speeches was that they all recognized how God has been at the center of our relationship. My dad even recognized my sister-in-law for playing such a significant role in my spiritual growth. By the end, there was no dry eye left in the reception hall.

Unlike most weddings, our first dance didn’t immediately follow our grand entrance. We decided to wait until after all the toasts and father-daughter/mother-son dances so we could open the dance floor to everyone. It was a nice transition to go from formal dining to dancing.

Before the wedding, Jason and I took dance lessons and modified the choreography to match the music cut by our DJ. We had two different songs: a slow song, “Beautiful As You” by Jim Brickman ft. Wayne Brandy, followed by the upbeat song, “Can’t Stop The Feeling” by Justin Timberlake. My husband is known for his dance moves, and he surprised me with a solo dance in between the transition of the two songs. After all the stressful planning, it was fun to have a little surprise!

Our wedding day was such a meaningful, joyful occasion, and it was only the beginning. It went far beyond the aesthetics and making a promise to love one person for the rest of our lives; our wedding wasn’t just about choosing another person to “get through life with.” It was the first day we vowed to lead each other to heaven.

Additionally, our wedding wasn’t just about us. It was about our community and our faith. Our families are now joined together, and we have a whole army of people to lift each other up! In choosing a sacramental marriage, we promised to be an effective sign of God’s love, and we are constantly learning how to love each other as Jesus loves us. In doing so, we hope that when people see us, they are directed towards Jesus and his love for each of us. It is my hope that our faith in God will continue to be deeply reflected in our marriage.

Videographer - Blue Tiger Films

May 21, 2019

Love is Accountability, but Accountability is Not Always Love.

May 21, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

STEPHANIE FRIES

Holding someone accountable can be an act of love, but loving someone does’t always include strict accountability. At times, there is an intersection between spousal love and accountability. How do you and your spouse hold each other accountable for virtue while maintaining free, total, faithful, and fruitful love?

PHOTOGRAPHY: ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRPAHY — PHOTOGRAPHY: *ELIZABETH M PHOTOGRPAHY*

Imagine, for example, if my husband sets a goal and asks me to hold him to not eat dessert for three months. Because I love him and want to support his ambition for a greater good, I would do everything in my power to limit the temptations. I wouldn’t make his favorite chocolate chip cookies, I wouldn’t eat dessert in front of him (or if I did indulge myself, I would not tempt him with an offer). Maybe I would consider joining him for part of the fast as a partner along the journey.

But perhaps the cravings become too much to bear and my spouse ends his plan early. If he makes up his mind and calls it quits, I arrive at the crossroad: do I respond as his accountability partner or his spouse?

As an accountability partner, detached from marital love, I would remain in encouragement mode. I would pull out all the tricks to help him stay the course and, if necessary, use a stern approach of tough love, set towards fulfilling my role in holding him to his plan.

The reaction must shift, in some ways, when I see his struggle and love him as my husband. In the shared journey toward sanctification, I will initially encourage my spouse to fight through temptation toward a greater good—to a point. Eventually, we have to let our loved ones make their own choices. In these moments, we are called to prudence and self-control to uphold our spouse’s freedom.

The 1968 Encyclical Letter, “Humane Vitae,” defines four core adjectives of pure love: free, total, faithful, and fruitful. Fruitful love is open to new life—in parenthood, virtue, or spiritual fruits of the Holy Spirit. Faithful love echoes the marital vows, “I promise to be true to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer; I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.” For love to be total, it is an absolute gift of self—mind, body, and spirit—from one person to another.

Love is free in how it is given and received. Pure love is a free gift without expectation to receive anything in return. There is no room for manipulation or coercion. Free love grows through the virtue of complete generosity.

In some ways, loving someone with freedom can pose an obstacle in holding someone accountable when we surrender our mission of accountability in order to respect their free will. When we love someone, we don’t want to see them fail or fall, especially when we have been tasked with supporting them. Yet with a purity of heart, we must honor the freedom of the other. In marriage, the crossroad between love and accountability is where God must enter, filling our hearts with trust, peace, and hope.

We look to the way God loves us to understand how to love our spouse with a pure heart. From the beginning of time, God offers every human autonomy and free will in decision making with a promise of unconditional love. When we reach to him as our divine accountability partner, he provides grace and encouragement, but his steadfast love will never force us to make a choice against our personal freedom.

His example of perfect, unconditional love models the balance between serving your spouse solely as an accountability partner and loving your spouse as your beloved.

By rooting ourselves and our marriages in Christ’s love, we can hold our spouse accountable yet show them mercy when they fall to temptation. We can ask God for prudence and wisdom through the challenges of marital love. We can confidently hope for redemption and sanctification.

Holiness does not look like one spouse dragging the other to the gate of heaven, against their will. Holiness is remaining side-by-side, though perhaps several miles away from heaven’s gate—loving through freedom, for freedom, and by the power of free love. In the pure and holy spousal union, God’s mercy reaches beyond our human limitations, redeems our brokenness, and carries us to his infinite peace. ”This love… is an act of free will, so that husband and wife become in a way one heart and one soul, and together attain their human fulfillment.”

I encourage you to reflect on past or current circumstances where the responsibilities as a spouse intersect with the responsibilities as your spouse’s accountability partner. Let us grow in love as we discern the opportunities to love with greater freedom, deeper mercy, and stronger hope in the journey toward sanctification.

When have you and your spouse held each other accountable while maintaining free, total, faithful, and fruitful love? What circumstances bring you to the crossroad between accountability and freedom? Share your story with our community on Facebook or Instagram.

About the Author: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. Stephanie’s perfect day would include a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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May 20, 2019

Finding Heaven in a One-Bedroom Apartment

May 20, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

CARISSA PLUTA

Throughout engagement my husband and I dreamed of the home we desired to live in—a cozy little home on a nice plot of land. There would be a garden and some chickens and room for our many children to explore. It would be filled with fresh cut flowers and fresh baked bread, and the kettle would never be cold.

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN ENDLESS PURSUIT — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* *AN ENDLESS PURSUIT*

As I write this I am surrounded by piles of moving boxes preparing to move to our third apartment home in three years of marriage (not to mention the countless places we stayed while we couch-surfed for the first three months of our marriage).

We are city-dwellers and renters. We’ve yet to have a yard, and unless the little flower pot on our patio counts, we haven’t had a garden. We don’t live in a permanent residence, and won’t for at least another year or so.

We still occasionally catch ourselves dreaming about that home we envisioned for our family, but whether or not that dream is ever actualized remains to be seen.

The desire for a place that my husband and I can call our own finds its roots in the Garden. God entrusted the care of a place to the first man and woman.

After the Fall, Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden, and the loss of this place was a reminder of an even greater loss--the loss of unity with God and eternal paradise.

This scene in Genesis teaches a deeper reality contained in the idea of “home.”

Home is a foreshadowing of heaven.

The space you inhabit, big or small, is sacred. And like our first parents, husbands and wives are entrusted with the divine duty of placemaking.

Being made in the image and likeness of the God who made heaven and earth, we are called to be “co-creators” of a little Heaven.

Whether you find yourself in your forever home, a small studio apartment, or a spare room at your in-laws’ house, you are called to cultivate a place of beauty and communion.

Our tiny, one-bedroom apartments have each been filled with just as much life as the farmhouse we once dreamt of.

Between Bible studies and dinner parties, Sunday morning breakfasts and afternoon tea, the lives of so many people have intersected in our little living spaces.

They are often filled with fresh flowers and fresh bread, and usually bursting at the seams with music and laughter.

In them, we have encountered God and his immense love for us, and facilitated that encounter for others.

Even amid changes and transitions, trials and hardships, the little home we created together serves as a constant, unchanging reminder of our eternal home.

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth R etold. Read more

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May 17, 2019

Tips for Forgiving Your Spouse

May 17, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

CARISSA PLUTA

Forgiveness plays a huge role in any healthy relationship, especially your marriage. But as most of us know, forgiveness is often easier said than done.

PHOTOGRAPHY: EMMA DALLMAN PHOTOGRAPHY — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* EMMA DALLMAN PHOTOGRAPHY

Every couple knows that disputes and miscommunications will happen in even the best of marriages. And when they arise, it can be easy to shift blame or hold grudges.

I personally am often stubborn and slow to forgive. I prefer to nurse my hurt feelings and hold on to anger longer than I should. But married life has challenged me to let go of my harmful pride and more readily extend forgiveness.

Keep in mind these tips are for “minor” marital disputes and issues. Consider counseling if there are more serious problems or issues that need attention.

Give them the benefit of the doubt

When arguing with your spouse, it’s easy to assume the worst in them. More often than not, the problem is caused by a lack of communication or a moment of immaturity than viciousness or spite.

Remembering that your husband is on your team and ultimately desires your good helps you listen with more fairness and understanding. It’s not meant to undermine the harm done, but helps you approach the situation with more clarity and trust.

Switch perspectives

When you start to get frustrated or angry, it is helpful to try to put the shoe on the other foot. Try to ask yourself: “how would I want him to respond if I was apologizing for the same thing?” We would want to be forgiven, of course!

Viewing the situation with this mindset can help soften your heart and put you in a disposition to forgive.

Pray

There is nothing wrong with admitting that you need a little extra grace when it comes to forgiving your spouse.

Saying a prayer like the “Our Father” or the Jesus Prayer can help prevent your feelings of frustration from escalating. It can calm you and recenter you on what is truly important.

But you don’t have to wait until the moment you need the grace the most to ask for it! Ask God daily to help you be more forgiving so, when the opportunity arises, you are more prepared.

Say it Aloud

Saying the words “I forgive you” are more than a formality, it is actually a major part of the forgiveness process.

This phrase is far more powerful than saying “It’s OK” to someone’s apology. It not only recognizes and affirms that a wrong has occurred but also makes your forgiveness more tangible. It’s humbling, not only for the person you are forgiving, but for yourself as you make the choice to live out your vows.

These words are empowering to both hear and say, as they restore trust and love within your relationship

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth R etold. Read more

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May 16, 2019

Love and Sacrifice Say the Same Thing.

May 16, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

STEPHANIE CALIS

What is beautiful draws our senses to the sacred. At a recent wedding I attended, a harp, organ, and choir lifted their melodies to the heights. The groomsmen wore tailcoats; the bridesmaids, embellished gowns the color of jade. Even these breathtaking details, however, were nothing compared to the radiance of the liturgy, or the couple themselves.

Photography: Lindsay Pleyvak, seen in Jamie + Seth | Astronomy-Inspired Wedding — *Photography:* *Lindsay Pleyvak, seen in* *Jamie + Seth | Astronomy-Inspired Wedding*

After a tear-filled procession and Liturgy of the Word, the celebrant’s homily illuminated an essential truth of our vocations, one embodied in a particularly tangible way through the call to marriage: love and sacrifice say the same thing, but only to the extent that we embrace them.

“You love,” he said, “as much as you sacrifice, and you sacrifice as much as you love.”

What does this mean?

As a wedding guest, I took these words as a prayer for the couple about to become one, that they might spend their lifetime willing one another’s good and fulfillment.

On a personal level, I heard them as a call, insistent and clear: along this path, my husband’s and my pilgrimage to the eternal wedding feast, our vows merit that we love with the entirety of our hearts, even when emotion runs dry and when we’d prefer not to make the effort. That we embrace the good times and bad, knowing that in making a gift of our actions, time, and entire selves to one another, we’re free from enslavement to self-serving desires.

I often consider the link between the words integration and integrity when it comes to relationships. That is, the times when the complementary parts of who I am--body and soul, reason and emotion, and more--are well-integrated and not in conflict with each other, are the times I find myself treating my husband with the greatest sense of integrity.

These are the times when my love for him and the sacrifices I’m willing to make for him--taking on extra chores when he’s busy, respecting our budget, putting our kids to bed on the nights he has to bring work home--speak a language of wholeness and good will.

When our hearts are integrated, love and sacrifice say the same thing: I give of myself to you, I place your present wants and needs before my own, I enter into your burdens and carry them alongside you.

In the times I turn to my own selfishness, preferring personal convenience or comfort above what’s best for my marriage and family, I see our relationships being chipped away at. I see them quite literally dis-integrate.

Thanks to grace and mercy, these breaks can be restored to something like their former wholeness, and only in eternity will they be brought to perfection.

Only in eternity. The words of this wedding homily, an occasion of such heavenly rejoicing, drew my attention down to earth and to the tension we live out in our vocations. We are earthly and imperfect, yet our call is focused on eternal life; on bringing our spouses and children (biological or spiritual) to the banquet by way of love.

And how to pour out that love? Through our acts of sacrifice. Saint John Paul II said, “There is no place for selfishness and no place for fear! Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice.”

By praying for your spouse, by serving and assisting him without keeping score, by keeping your shared goal of each other’s fulfillment and salvation at the forefront--even when it feels too hard--you become living icons of self-emptying love, bearing Christ to the world.

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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May 15, 2019

Brooke + Austin | Timeless Autumnal Nebraska Wedding

May 15, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

“If there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

From the beginning of their romantic relationship into their new marriage, Brooke and Austin have strove to live in the wisdom of Scripture and the beauty of the sacraments. They know that saying “yes” to a strong relationship with the Lord is a “yes” to greater intimacy as husband and wife.

Their elegant, timeless wedding, centered around the sacrifice of the Mass, shows the joy of a community celebrating the union of this abundantly blessed couple.

From the Bride: Austin and I travelled in the same college friend group for three years. During our junior year, he showed up at my front door and asked to take me out on a date. He wanted to get to know me better.

I knew in that moment that Austin was something special, because you don't see men pursue a woman like that too often.

It was important to incorporate our faith from the very beginning. Throughout our relationship, we went to Mass together on Sundays and at least once during the week. Austin even shared his testimony with me one night and explained that I inspired him in his faith, and that I made him want to be a better man of God. I told him he inspired the exact same aspiration in me.

And so, we got engaged.

Austin and I wanted the Mass to be the center and most important part of our wedding day. I had not been living in Omaha long before we got engaged, so I had not yet found my home parish. I was looking for a place that felt like home and radiated God's presence. I knew after the first Mass I attended at St. Robert's that it was the church community I had been seeking. It would also be the parish where Austin and I would be married. They welcomed us with open arms.

Before the wedding began, the bridal party and parents gathered for a prayer led by our celebrant, Fr. Matya. The readings we chose were not common readings for a nuptial Mass, but were readings that spoke to our values as a couple that we wanted to build our married life on.

The gospel was Philippians 4:4-9, which includes a verse we both love: "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

The most special part of the Mass was our time after communion praying and asking for Mary’s intercession. We truly felt the presence of God in that moment and prayed that Mary would guide us along our new path as husband and wife.

Our wedding style was elegant and classic. Chic while remaining traditional. I am not all about glitz and glam, but I love a simple, timeless look. Because the wedding was in the fall, I chose a color theme with darker tones and greenery touches. I focused on the "burnt mauve" color and gold accents.

Looking back, our wedding day was another huge reminder of how much God has blessed Austin and I. One memorable thing we did happened during the reception. We stood in the back of the room and looked out at everyone celebrating our marriage. It was a day spent with all our loved ones supporting us during this special time.

Austin is the man I have prayed for my entire life. Actually, he's even better than the man I prayed for. I asked God for a faithful, loving husband, and God sent me that in Austin--and more. We are constantly striving to be better stewards of God’s grace and learning how to carry out his plan for us every day. We have learned the challenges it brings, but Austin and I have fought through them together.

The biggest challenge we have encountered is figuring out how to pray together, not settling for less in our faith lives, or becoming distracted away from time with God. We pushed past this challenge by reading a spiritual resource every day together and reflecting on it. Our favorite readings include the Bible (of course!), Three to Get Married by Fulton Sheen, My Daily Bread, and Fr. Mike Schmitz’s podcast.

Austin and I know if we choose to say "yes" to having a strong relationship with God, we will also feel closer to one another and become better versions of ourselves.

May 14, 2019

The Power of Childlike Play in Marriage

May 14, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

STEPHANIE FRIES

“Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said, “Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.”

These words of Christ are not a call to be childish, immature, or irresponsible throughout our lives. As we progress from childhood to adulthood, in every dimension of development, we are encouraged to maintain or re-develop a humble, receptive, trusting, childlike spirit.

PHOTOGRAPHY: MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY — PHOTOGRAPHY: *MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY*

What does it mean to become childlike?

I consider the qualities of children I most admire: to share an unbridled expression of wonder and awe; to love without judgement and to be loved without fear; to trust a caregiver to provide basic needs; to harness an infinite imagination; to play without need for gain, but for the sole purpose of play itself.

Through a child’s innate freedom to love and play, they show adults how to be childlike. In many ways, children are models for a holy life, icons to help us understand how to live as adopted sons and daughters—children—of God.

Progressing through adulthood is marked by innumerable milestones. Oftentimes, each milestone comes with a new set of responsibilities. For example, buying a car, getting a job, buying a house, or starting a family. With a quick glance at the culture of our society, it is easy to see where grown-ups of all ages lose their childlike spirit in the demands of “adulting.”

Yet over and over, time and again, Christ invites us to be childlike. And many great saints, such as Therese of Lisieux and Catherine of Siena, teach us the goodness of being little, of fully embracing our identity as a child of God.

As you move with your spouse in a daily pursuit toward the narrow gate of heaven, how do you embody a childlike spirit in your marriage?

We can draw connections between many childlike qualities and their virtuous fruits. For example, expressing wonder and awe yields fear of the Lord. Freely loving and being loved is charity, the pure love of God. Trusting our basic needs will be met is surrender and abandonment to God. Engaging the imagination fulfills the call to live in the image of God as creator.

But to play for the sake of play. It begins and ends with play. Grown adults may ask, “what’s the point?” Play may be perceived as childish rather than childlike—a waste of time. Yet, in truth, when idle time is filled only with tasks and responsibilities, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to reach beyond boredom to the depths of creative and joyful intimacy within ourselves, with others, and with God.

Through playing together, we discover the gifts of being present. Playing without purpose is rich with communication, collaboration, community and freedom; being stretched outside our comfort zones often leads to surprises of joyful laughter and deepening relationship. For the single, consecrated, or married person, the emotional and spiritual benefits of a childlike spirit are innumerable.

Though often initiated without a specific end in mind, those who engage in play eventually—and unknowingly—create meaning in their shared experience. Creating meaning in the monotony of daily life is to transcend from human nature to a divine essence of faith, hope, and love. Sharing a reaction of wonder or laughter contributes to an ever-deepening friendship and affectionate intimacy within the marital embrace.

Here’s the catch of play: there is no how-to guide, no right or wrong, no age limit. Play sounds like funny nicknames or nonsensical stories. Play looks like pick-up soccer games or spontaneous dance parties. Play feels like letting your guard down or being courageous.

When a marriage embodies a childlike spirit—even if only for a moment—two adults grow in humility, simplicity, and joy. Despite the ongoing throes of a career, family life, or personal struggle, a childlike spirit creates an opportunity to be nourished by God’s love, experience the fruits of grace, and enter into a quiet, peaceful presence with our Heavenly Father.

I challenge you to follow the example of a child, answer the call to be childlike, and bring a humble spirit of wonder and joy to your marriage through the power of play.

What are some ways you and your spouse play together? We invite you to share your story with our community on Facebook or Instagram.

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May 13, 2019

5 Saint Thérèse Quotes to Help You Live the “Little Way” in Marriage

May 13, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

What could a cloistered Carmelite nun who lived in the 1800s and died at the young age of 24 teach anyone about marriage—especially marriage in the 21st century?

If you look at marriage through a purely secular lens, as a civilly-sanctioned union between two consenting parties who share great feelings of affection—and tax benefits—then not much.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Mackenzie Reiter Photography — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* *Mackenzie Reiter Photography*

But for Christians, marriage is so much more. And through the Catholic sacrament of matrimony, two individuals become a living sacrament.

There is a spiritual reality in the spousal union that knits souls together for life, “God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother [and be joined to his wife], and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”

There is unique marital grace that God reserves for those living the sacrament, and there is a mission given to the spouses that transcends time: help each other become the saints you are called to be. Walk with each other to Heaven. Cultivate your family as a ‘domestic church’ that overflows with life, love, grace, and Christ.

But what does marriage have to do with a young Carmelite nun?

Her name was Thérèse Martin—a young, fifteen-year-old girl who petitioned the Holy Father to enter Carmel; her plea was granted. During her remainder of her life in the French convent, Thérèse adopted a philosophy and a spirituality that reflected her own “little soul.” It was a way of simplicity, sacrifice, and, ultimately, love.

In 1997, she was officially declared a Doctor of the Church by Pope John Paul II. In her much-loved autobiography, Story of a Soul, she writes, “overcome by joy, I cried, 'Jesus, my love. At last I have found my vocation. My vocation is love!’” Saint Thérèse’s spirituality, her most enduring legacy, is affectionately known as the “Little Way:” a simple and direct path to Heaven. Although written by a young nun who never married, this spirituality is a beautiful rule of life for the married home. Through her own words, we learn the little way as a guide for our own vocations to love, through the vocation to marriage.

“My whole strength lies in prayer and sacrifice, these are my invincible arms; they can move hearts far better than words, I know it by experience.”

Saint Thérèse’s religious life revolved around constant prayer and sacrifice, especially little daily sacrifices like cleaning dishes or helping other sisters in need (especially those she found to be the most difficult). How strong marriages would be if each spouse filled every day with tiny sacrifices and deaths to self, each offered as a little prayer of love to Jesus!

“Miss no single opportunity of making some small sacrifice,” she admonishes. “Here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word; always doing the smallest right thing and doing it all for love.”

When you begin a burdensome chore, do it joyfully; offer up the urge to complain as a small sacrifice for your beloved and for Christ. Your joyful “yes” to making the bed each morning becomes a small fulfillment of the call to your vocation of married life. Each little labor becomes a prayer. After all, “when one loves,” Saint Thérèse says, “one does not calculate.”

“I know now that true charity consists in bearing all our neighbors' defects—not being surprised at their weakness, but edified at their smallest virtues.”

Is there anything about your spouse that drives you nuts? When you attend confession, do you feel like you could do their examination of conscience for them?

“How could he leave his clothes on the floor by the bed again? Haven’t I asked him ten times not to do that?” St. Thérèse’s little way notices faults of others through a different lens. The bad habits in your spouse, and in yourself, do not change easily or quickly; that’s the nature of a habit.

When your spouse does something that annoys you, again, refrain from acting shocked. Expect a healthy amount of imperfection or inconsistency from your spouse, and reflect, instead, on even his smallest virtues.

This minor shift in perspective curbs disappointment and hurt of failed expectations. Choose joy. Choose to notice the strengths of your spouse that made you fall in love with them in the first place. There may be profound suffering in marriage, but, as Thérèse says, “It's true, I suffer a great deal—but do I suffer well? That is the question.”

“I understood that every flower created by Him is beautiful, that the brilliance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not lessen the perfume of the violet or the sweet simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all the lowly flowers wished to be roses, nature would no longer be enamelled with lovely hues. And so it is in the world of souls, Our Lord's living garden.”

Do you ever look at another wife and wish you could be as good as her? Her beauty, her talents, her home, and even her marriage seem better than yours.

Envy destroys souls and marriages. But confident humility and gratitude for the gifts and beauty in your life destroy envy. Saint Thérèse wisely notes the perfect beauty of every person’s unique soul and vocation in God’s “living garden.”

“If a little flower could speak,” she explains, “it seems to me that it would tell us quite simply all that God has done for it, without hiding any of its gifts. It would not, under the pretext of humility, say that it was not pretty, or that it had not a sweet scent...if it knew that such were not the case.”

Make a list of all the little things that bring you gratitude about your spouse and the life you share together. Present these things with love to the Lord and praise him for crafting you as the beautiful flower you are. “Holiness (and happiness) consists simply in doing God's will, and being just what God wants us to be,” Thérèse says.

Another woman may have been created as a rose, but your life as the simple daisy adds necessary color and beauty to God’s garden.

“God would never inspire me with desires which cannot be realized; so in spite of my littleness, I can hope to be a saint.”

In one of the most courageous sentences she ever wrote, St. Thérèse confidently hopes in her own sanctity, despite being acutely aware of her weaknesses and faults. She knows that her vocation is love, so “without love, deeds, even the most brilliant, count as nothing.” It is not always the grandeur of holy actions that make a saint, but the grandeur of love in every little action.

On your wedding day, you vowed to love your spouse “until death do us part.” Only then is your vocation complete, when you and your beloved enter eternal life as saints who helped each other through a lifetime of growing in sanctity.

In your own littleness, do not despair. Ask God for the theological virtue of hope to thrive in your marriage. Trust that your desire for sanctity in your vocation is never in vain.

In spite of your faults, in spite of the flaws of your spouse, in spite of the imperfections of your marriage, you can always, confidently, hope to become a saint. Walk the little way of simplicity, sacrifice, and love. Grow through the graces of marriage and the deep, abiding love of God—just like a little French nun who became a Doctor of the Church.

St. Thérèse of Lisieux, pray for us!

May 10, 2019

Wedding Week Hospitality Tips

May 10, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

CARISSA PLUTA

Hospitality is a virtue, especially during wedding week.

PHOTOGRAPHY: CHRISTA TAYLOR PHOTOGRAPHY, C/O KATIE MICHELLE DESIGNS — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* *CHRISTA TAYLOR PHOTOGRAPHY, C/O* *KATIE MICHELLE DESIGNS*

The days leading up to the wedding can make a bride’s life hectic and navigating the craziness can pose challenges. Not only are you the guest of honor, but you also play the role of hostess, extending hospitality to all of your guests, especially those coming from out of town.

Here are some ideas to help your bridesmaids, groomsmen, and out of town wedding guests feel welcomed and loved:

Accommodations

Finding accommodations may be challenging for out-of-town guests and members of the wedding party, so they would probably appreciate help finding nice (and affordable) places to stay.

Block rooms at a local hotel or, if possible, offer your spare room as an option. You could also ask around; if you have family or friends that live nearby, they may be willing to house incoming guests.

Welcome bags

Consider leaving small gift bags or baskets for your guests to receive when they arrive at their hotel.

You can fill the bag with items that may be helpful throughout the weekend such as water bottles, snacks, mints, pain relievers, and directions to the ceremony and reception. Or you might want to throw in some fancier items like a small bottle of champagne, chocolates, or local delicacies.

If you are on a strict budget, consider leaving a little welcome note or brochures about local restaurants and attractions in the rooms of your guests instead.

Provide for your Wedding Party

Chances are members of the wedding party have probably spent a fair amount of money to help make your wedding day even more special. Anticipating and filling their needs is a wonderful way to show them that you appreciate them.

Offer them a ride from the airport, and help them find a place to stay. You can host a dinner after they arrive into town or provide a nice breakfast the morning of the wedding. You can also have some snacks and drinks available wherever they are getting ready.

Having their basic needs met will help them more fully enjoy their weekend celebrating you and your soon to be spouse.

After the Ceremony

With the already packed wedding day itinerary, many couples understandably opt not to have a receiving line after the ceremony. But if your schedule allows it or if you are looking for a way to make sure you have a moment with all your guests a receiving line is a great option.

When planning the reception, keep your guests in mind. The party is for them, to celebrate you.

Make sure the food, music, and beverages can be enjoyed both by you and your new spouse, as well as the majority of your guests. That doesn’t mean you have to take every song request or have a full bar, but that you give everyone a chance to truly celebrate the great sacrament that just occurred.

Morning-after Brunch

Hosting a brunch the morning after the wedding is a special way to wrap up your wedding weekend especially if you aren’t taking a honeymoon right away.

The morning-after brunch provides a more intimate space in which you can catch up with some of your loved ones. It’s generally less hectic than the wedding reception and with the stress of the wedding day behind you, you can really enter into the joy shared by your friends and family.

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth R etold. Read more

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May 09, 2019

Signature Items: What They Are and How They Can Help Preserve Your Wedding Memories

May 09, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

What are your personal signatures? Maybe there’s a singular outfit or lip color that makes you feel your best, a spiritual book or prayer friends associate with you because you’ve recommended it so many times, a go-to drink order, a candle whose scent always fills your living space.

As individual as the way you write your name, signature items are the ones that make you feel most like you.

The external things you choose over and over and, in doing so, express your internal self. Every person desires to be known, and each woman’s personal style and spirituality can become a way of sharing and making visible who she is.

Photography: Petite Fleur Studios — *Photography:* *Petite Fleur Studios*

If you’ve worried your wedding day might pass in too much of a blur to remember, pray for a sense of presence, and consider choosing items that can help you concretely revisit the start of your vocation. Sensory and emotional experiences are tied to closely to our memories, and can help cement life’s milestones in your mind. In the seasons of your wedding-day countdown and first months as a married couple, consider choosing a handful of new signatures--as a bride and as a couple--that, in years to come, will help define your life together: items that, when you use them, will bring the sweet days of new marriage flooding back.

Here, four suggestions for incorporating signature items into your wedding day and newlywed life:

A wedding-day fragrance

The sense of smell can powerfully evoke memory and emotion. Choosing a new-to-you perfume to wear for the first time on your wedding day and honeymoon, then setting it aside for a brief period, is a resonant way to lock in and later revisit this sacred time.

A new saint or devotion

Shared prayer deepens your relationship like practically nothing else. As your wedding approaches, commit to adopting a patron for your marriage, compose your own wedding novena, write your own personal marriage prayer or family mission, or consider Marian consecration. Repeat this devotion annually around your anniversary, and you’ll find yourself amazed by the fruits and changes each year of marriage brings--even difficult years.

A honeymoon playlist

Like scent, music holds a strong pull on our memories. Before your honeymoon, put together a playlist or choose albums with your beloved that are new to you or haven’t been in heavy rotation, and listen en route to and at your destination. Listen more as you settle into your shared life, knowing the songs you’ve selected will be able to transport you back. Not going on a honeymoon right away? This practice still works if you’re headed right into your new routine or planning a staycation!

Recipes

Are there particular meals that strongly evoke your childhood or a past experience? Food, and the rituals tied to it, is a foundation of a shared table and shared life. Put a few cookbooks on your wedding registry, or purchase them for yourself, and enjoy the process of discovering dishes you love; ones that will have a spot in your home as time passes and, God willing, as your family grows.

Of course, we often go through phases of loving certain products, songs, prayers, and meals that later become associated with certain seasons outside the wedding realm, sometimes without realizing it. Making an effort to intentionally choose some of these items as you prepare for your vocation, to express the inner with the outer, speaks to the human heart’s eagerness to be known--to share of itself, to give--and to building a life entirely unique to you and your spouse.

May 08, 2019

How He Asked | Tori + Corey

May 08, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

Tori and Corey’s engagement took place on a pilgrimage through the “City of Love,” within the beautiful Luxembourg Gardens. And so, after saying “yes” to God’s call to take a journey of faith, Tori and her new fiance returned with a ring and a wedding to plan.

In Tori’s Words: When Corey and I met, we knew pretty quickly we would enter into a beautiful, Christ-centered relationship. We were both Catholic, but finding someone single and Catholic was nearly impossible in our town. After a few months, as we met our families and started attending Mass together, we grew more and more serious. When Corey and I were called to go on a trip to France, I was excited about the wonderful people we would meet and the experiences we would have.

We made the decision to visit France in 2018 after we saw the opportunity to go as part of a pilgrimage through our parish. After attending an interest meeting, we knew we had to go. Six months later we were on a plane to France. Corey and I spent ten days in the French countryside travelling to landmarks and touring churches that we would never have known about otherwise.

The eleventh day of our pilgrimage is when it happened. That morning, Corey and I left early and walked down to a local pastry shop to grab a baguette and a delicious, flaky apple biscuit. We went to the "Chappelle Notre-Dame de la Medaille Miraculeuse" (The Chapel of the Miraculous Medal) to attend Mass and get our replicas of the Miraculous Medal. The rest of the day was ours to choose whether to tour another church or around Paris.

Being the adventurous couple we are, we decided to walk around Paris since we were leaving early the next morning. We stopped for lunch in a cafe with the Leblanc's, Corey's family friends who lived across the street, and who wanted to give Corey a tour of Paris. I had no idea they were there for another reason.

After our lunch, we hopped on the metro system and found ourselves at the opera house with an orchestra on the street! Then we went to the Champs-Elysees, where we ate at one of the best macaron places in Paris--it was delicious. Finally, we made it to the Eiffel Tower and saw it live in all its glory.

As we were running around Paris trying to see all the attractions, I glanced at the time. It was about an hour before we needed to be back at the hotel for dinner, but we still had one more place Corey wanted to take us. We got on the metro again and headed towards the Luxembourg Gardens.

According to Corey, these are the "most beautiful gardens in Paris," and they sure are! We arrived and walked down a concrete path to the center where there are oak trees lining the path. This leads directly to an opening where a courtyard lies with a huge fountain and seating area. There were many people sitting and enjoying the beautiful weather.

We walked up a flight of stairs past the fountain and headed towards a gazebo. Unfortunately (or was it planned?) there was a band playing. Corey asked the Leblancs to take a picture of us with the beautiful scenery around us, and that's when it happened.

I don't remember exactly what he said because my adrenaline was through the roof, and I was crying. He was so nervous, too! The next thing I remember is Corey saying, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

Here's to the rest of our life together.

May 07, 2019

Wedding Planning | Making Traditions Meaningful

May 07, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

STEPHANIE FRIES

Like the Catholic Liturgy, wedding celebrations around the world are rich with tradition and history. Rituals become a source of nostalgia for guests who reflect on their own wedding day, they unite couples who participate in the traditions throughout time around the world. Furthermore, they enhance how the bride and groom bring unique personalization and meaningful symbolism to their ceremony and celebration.

Incorporating specific religious, cultural, or secular traditions into your wedding day is not about going through the motions for the sake of a good photograph or to appease a relative. Traditions are valuable opportunities to experience and share the sacramental nature of a wedding, involve beloved family and friends, or enter more deeply into your nuptials.

A brief selection of decisions and traditions are listed below as a catalyst to think creatively about ways to expand wedding standards in order to cultivate and share the deepest realities of your special day.

PHOTOGRAPHY: VISUAL GRACE — PHOTOGRAPHY: *VISUAL GRACE*

Wedding Flowers

Besides choosing flowers in season or highlighting your color scheme, a symbolic approach to selecting flowers for your bouquet is to base the floral selection on religious symbolism. Historically, many flowers were named for Our Lady and Jesus. If you or your fiance have a special devotion to the Holy Family or a saint, you may consider honoring your devotion through your wedding flowers or a “Marian bouquet.”

Rehearsal Dinner

When many guests travel from out-of-town for a wedding, it is difficult for the bride, groom, and their families to spend adequate time with these guests. The rehearsal dinner serves an important purpose in honoring the family and friends who will serve at your wedding. But why stop there? If you are hoping to spend quality time with additional guests, expand the traditional rehearsal dinner to a meet-and-greet; invite others to join the celebration after the dinner, so guests can meet and mingle prior to the wedding day.

First Look

The First Look is a tradition with many benefits. First, it is an opportunity to shake some nerves before the ceremony. Second, as a time for prayer before meeting at the altar. Finally, it’s a perfect chance for the wedding photographer to capture special moments on camera. If the first look doesn’t feel like a good fit, brainstorm options to fit within your comfort zone. Perhaps you meet for a coffee date before everyone gets dressed, allowing time for laughs and prayers. Plan to hold hands back-to-back, as a “first touch” for a prayer and photograph before the ceremony. Determine your intention in this meeting, then consider ways to meet those goals.

Honoring Mary

In the Catholic Mass, there is generally an opportunity for the bride and groom to move to a statue of Mary to offer a prayer or a token of love. Even if you and your fiance have not had a strong devotion to Mary prior to your wedding, this is a beautiful opportunity to bring honor our spiritual mother; if you are at a loss for words to Our Lady, she will still shower you with grace on your special day. However, if you desire to make this tradition more meaningful, incorporate preparation for this tradition into your wedding planning process. For example, pray the rosary together as part of your spiritual preparation for marriage. Or work together to write a prayer to Mary and say the prayer when you visit her during your ceremony. You could also include the original prayer in your wedding program as a way to invite wedding guests to pray alongside and with you during that moment.

Significant Devotions, New Traditions

There are not many standard traditions to honor the saints in a wedding ceremony. If you and your fiance have a special devotion to one or several saints, talk to your priest about including a personalized Litany of Saints during the ceremony. When my husband and I offered the idea to our priest, he had never seen it done in a wedding, but we worked together with the music director to choose the right melody and timing--and it was a perfect addition.

Eliminate Meaningless Norms

For me and my husband, a tradition that didn’t offer significant meaning, value, joy, or intention was the garter toss. We tried brainstorming ideas to parallel the women’s opportunity with the bouquet toss, but nothing came as a good fit. Rather than feeling obligated to partake in a wedding tradition that made us both uncomfortable, we decided to eliminate it from our reception—and no one asked any questions. If you and your fiancé find yourself at a crossroads between wedding norms and personal values, choose your values with courage and fearlessness. Your wedding day is a holy reflection of your innermost love and desire.

These topics are only the tip of the wedding-tradition-iceberg. We hope you will share your experiences with our community on Instagram or Facebook. We would love to hear: what traditions are you planning to incorporate throughout your wedding weekend? In what ways have you infused deeper meaning or symbolism into the religious, cultural, or secular traditions? How do you communicate the value and significance of a tradition with your wedding guests?

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May 06, 2019

My Daughter's Storybook Wedding--and How it Helped me Grieve

May 06, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

LIZ GORRELL

I am a bride, a mother, and a grandmother. In anticipating my eldest daughter’s child (my 6th grandchild), I am eager to share the story of our mother-daughter relationship amidst the planning of her wedding day last year. Celebrating her storybook wedding, and reflecting on that season of life, was a precious spiritual gift to me. I pray that sharing this story will be a gift to a young bride-to-be, new bride, and her mother.

In the midst of planning my daughter’s wedding, I was grieving the death of my mother. The process of mourning my loss filled my soul with emotion and clouded my ability to express myself. It wasn’t until after the wedding when I was finally able to sit and reflect upon my mother’s death, my daughter’s beautiful wedding, and the prayers my mother would have offered--for my daughter, her new husband, and their life together. Ultimately, the moment of pause helped me recognize how her wedding was my “good grief,” a gracious gift in the midst of sadness.

PHOTOGRAPHY: STEVE COYLE PHOTOGRAPHY — PHOTOGRAPHY: *STEVE COYLE PHOTOGRAPHY*

A mother is an integral part of a young woman’s life when she is getting married. Regardless if the two are on good terms or not--whether the relationship is filled with intimate stories and laughter over a girls’ night or strained from wounds and incompatible temperaments--the mother-daughter relationship is emphasized during a transition to marriage.

I believe every mother longs to be close to her little girl as she moves from her parents’ protection to the loving shelter of a kind man. And I believe each young woman yearns for her mother’s support as she enters her new vocation.

I go back in my mind to a year ago when my daughter, Kate, and I were in the middle of reception detail planning and dress fittings. There was so much to decide upon, and of course, I was so excited to bring all my crafty talents to the table and make her storybook wedding a reality. At the same time, the shadow of grief from my mother’s death followed me as I hadn’t adequately processed the transition in my own mother-daughter relationship.

Kate and I often argued about wedding etiquette. More than once I heard, “Mom, people don’t do that anymore!” Eventually I responded, “Well, if I’m paying for it, I want it to be done well and be a classy event.”

The tension and anger were followed by apologies and compromises. The “Please, Mom, understand I want my wedding to be what I envision, not your vision,” was almost always answered with, “I understand, honey, but please don’t steal my joy in giving you something beautiful.” Despite our challenging conversations, we were able to come together to create a lovely and memorable day.

“Stealing joy” was an echo of my mother’s words from years prior--when I had denied her opinion and financial support in my own wedding preparations and newlywed life. I was the youngest of fourteen children, her eleventh daughter, and I shudder at the memory of my reaction to her efforts to help me.

The dual-perspective as both a daughter and a mother allows me to identify these offerings of help as a sincere gift. I wish I had been more gracious and hadn’t “stolen her joy.” Simultaneously, I can empathize with my daughter’s longing for independence and freedom in some of our conflicts of opinion.

I recognize the perspective as a young bride, unable to realize how much emotion a mother experiences as her daughter prepares for marriage. A mother’s emotional investment stretches beyond monetary costs, aesthetic details, and various other niceties. In her daughter’s wedding, a mother comes to terms with the reality that her young girl is becoming a woman, making decisions of her own, and preparing to leave home in order to cling to another. Such a transition is difficult.

When a woman first finds out she is having a baby girl, she holds close to her heart all the expectations of what kind of mother she will be to her little girl. She hopes to be a good example in femininity, holiness and motherhood, and to cultivate a true friendship that goes beyond being a mother and daughter. Every mother has expectations for her daughter, in what kind of woman she will become; as I look with love upon my daughter, I can honestly say she has always exceeded mine.

As a homeschooling family, I had been a long-term support to my daughter--and she to me. Yet, witnessing her maturation and growing independence through the college years was difficult. Though she became the lovely independent young woman and friend I had hoped for, there is an experience of grieving, of “losing” my little girl. Such a bittersweet transition is not easy.

My daughter’s wedding was truly a storybook wedding. I was touched by her and her fiance’s desire for the wedding to be a deeply sacred event. The afternoon of the Nuptial Mass was indeed a true expression of Faith which included she and her guy meeting our pastor to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation minutes before they would line up with their bridal party in the back of the cathedral.

With the classic sacred music, stunning musicians, and reverence of the whole Mass, many tears of joy were shed that afternoon, however, surprisingly, I didn’t cry. In total peace, I looked upon my little girl all grown up, as she stood arm in arm with her new husband presenting, with love, her bouquet and entrusting their marriage to our Blessed Mother Mary. My own mother lived her life devoted to our Blessed Mother, so I imagine she was probably smiling down from heaven.

The fairy tale continued at a most exquisite reception venue with simple elegance planned into the details. The details were very personal from the place setting favors to the gorgeous dessert table spread of homemade pies and cheesecakes compliments of her sister-in-law, Abby and myself. My humble effort at making the wedding cake was a labor of love and satisfaction even if it was a bit crooked! From the Father-Daughter dance to “Isn’t She Lovely” by Stevie Wonder, and the Mother-Son dance to “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong,

all the joy was bit by bit healing my grief.

Everyone celebrated loudly, danced the night away and gathered under the stars sending off the happy couple under a shower of sparklers.

In the grieving of my little girl’s growing up and the grieving of my mother’s death, I lost my familiar positions in relation to the women who know me best. But in my loss, I gained a new level of intimacy with both my daughter and my mother, I gained a new perspective and compassion for how the mother-daughter relationship changes over time, and I gained the love of God to guide me, gently, through a major life transition with peace and joy.

I often think of my daughter and my mother, Edith, as my two closest friends. When I think of the virtues my holy mother possessed--strong love of God, His Blessed Mother and the Saints, humility and patience--I see those same virtues in my daughter; so my mother lives on.

My advice to the young ladies planning a wedding is to seek a better understanding of the gift you are to your mother, and that regardless of the state of your relationship with your mother at this time, know you are a gift from God to her. Your love and joy may help her grieve a loss, heal a wound, and grow in holiness.

To the mothers out there, I pray for grace for you to enter into a better friendship with your girl as she prepares for her vocation of wife and motherhood. Give her your time and love, but most importantly your prayers so she may glorify God with her new life--a life you helped to provide, and nourished the best you could.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Liz Gorrell is a wife, mother to five living children and three little saints in heaven, and grandmother to 5 sweet kiddos. A Midwest transplant to Austin, Texas, she loves gardening, creating mosaic patio stones with Catholic themes, all-things decorating, wedding and party planning, baking, and celebrating big her Catholic Faith. Liz has spent the better part of the last 20 years homeschooling her last four children, creating a domestic Church by way of her love of sacred art, liturgical celebrations and cultivating an environment of goodness, truth and beauty. She enjoys helping young mothers and other homeschooling mothers through her ministry, Heart of the Home. She has a devotion to the Blessed Mother, and strives to emulate Mary and the Saints in living a simple life. Her goal is to hear, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant,.. Enter thou into the joy of thy Lord."

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May 03, 2019

Tips for Couples Not Immediately Taking a Honeymoon

May 03, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

CARISSA PLUTA

Two days after our wedding, my husband and I were on a plane heading to Florida. Not for some tourist site or as a quick stop on our way to a exotic destination but for his job training.

PHOTOGRAPHY: SOUL CREATIONS PHOTOGRAPHY — *PHOTOGRAPHY:* *SOUL CREATIONS PHOTOGRAPHY*

We spent a month in a college dorm room (with two twin beds pushed together for those of you wondering). We ate cafeteria food most nights, with the rare evening out at one of the two other restaurants on campus. We spent hours each day in a training with 500 strangers and were constantly on the lookout for alligators as we walked across campus in the hot sun.

It wasn’t exactly my dream honeymoon.

For various reasons—work schedule or finances—not every couple can take a honeymoon following the wedding day. And at the time we made our plans, I didn’t even realize how much I would desire one.

Thankfully, there are some things you can do to enjoy the early days with your new spouse, be it from home or from alligator-infested swamp-lands:

Let the Wedding Dust Settle

You may be tempted to finish up those wedding wrap-up items in the first few days after the wedding. But once your family and friends leave and the gifts are opened, make sure you take some time to decompress.

You just spent months of planning and preparation leading up to your big day, it is okay to wait a bit before sending those thank you cards out. Instead, use that time to get settled in your new home and life together.

Spend Intentional Time Together

The Honeymoon phase isn’t exclusive to couples who take a honeymoon immediately following a wedding. And thankfully, you don’t have to be in a tropical paradise to spend intentional time with your new spouse.

There are so many ways for you to spend quality time together, even on a budget. Consider taking a Staycation or plan a unique date night .

Get Off Social Media

Whether you are skipping the honeymoon all together or waiting for your time to come, viewing the curated snapshots of other’s lives will not make that time any easier for you. If you are prone to comparison (especially if you are getting married during the height of wedding/honeymoon season), it’s best to stay off social media for a few days.

Plus, freeing yourself of screens for a few days will help that time you are spending with your new husband even more intentional and fruitful.

Enjoy Building Your Life Together

After months (or maybe years) of waiting, you and your Beloved are finally husband and wife! It’s an exciting time and the reality of that isn’t dissolved because a honeymoon doesn’t immediately follow.

Open up those wedding gifts and get settled into your newly shared space. Allow yourselves time to create routines and ease into the new liturgy that is your daily life. Enjoy a slow morning over coffee or a glass of wine as you cuddle in the evening, and allow yourself to marvel at the life you are building with your spouse.

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth R etold. Read more

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May 02, 2019

Planning a Bridal Shower? A Catholic Perspective on Lingerie and Lingerie Shower Tips

May 02, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

ANNE MARIE WILLIAMS & BRIDGET HEFFERNAN

In the summer of 2018, Anne Marie received an invitation to a lingerie shower, co-hosted by her friend Bridget. She had some initial misgivings: she’d been to several similar showers in the past and distinctly remembered the discomfort.

At past parties I’d attended, it felt like we were all there to gawk and catcall, expecting the bride to be “naughty" wearing the gifts she opened. I felt like we were invading her and her husband's bedroom--what was supposed to be their sacred space. Furthermore, taste in lingerie is a pretty personal preference. .

In the end, however, I accepted this particular invitation because I trusted the women organizing it. Bridget and her co-host been my good friends for several years and were Theology of the Body enthusiasts. I didn't know what this party would look like, but I trusted it wouldn't be gross or weird.

The shower was beautiful and tasteful, from the decor and treats to games and the opening of gifts. At one point towards the end, the married women present were invited to share advice from their own marriages. Some of their words reflected tremendous vulnerability, and I truly had a sense of the sacredness of marriage.

Because there can be misgivings or hesitation with this topic among Catholic brides, I asked Bridget to share her perspective and planning tips.

Lingerie showers have a reputation for being more trashy than classy. As super classy ladies yourselves, why was it important to you to throw a lingerie shower specifically?

When planning this bridal shower, we wanted to celebrate the gift of intimacy in marriage--both in Katie, the bride, receiving the gift of William, her husband-to-be, and by giving herself to him.

When you prepare a special gift for someone, you adorn it with beautiful wrapping. That is exactly how we look at lingerie.

The purpose of lingerie, used appropriately, is not to objectify the body, but precisely to emphasize the gift of the body.

I would also add that, beyond the style, the woman's behavior and attitude when wearing lingerie can emphasize one or the other: gift or object. As with so many other things in life, if she has the right perspective towards her own body (and assuming she is marrying a good man), her husband will respond to that.

How did you determine the atmosphere and mood for the shower?

We used a lot of greenery and simple white decorations. A trip to Hobby Lobby resulted in garlands of greenery, some of which we separated from the stem and arranged around the room. In the end, the shower had a garden feel with a feminine flair.

For other Catholic women planning pre-wedding events, can you share the order of events for the day?

First, introductions. Once all of the guests arrived, we sat in a circle and went around the room introducing ourselves and how we knew the bride.

Second, food. We prayed and invited everyone to get food from the other room. We served an assortment of hors d’oeuvres and beverages, including bacon-wrapped, maple-soaked water chestnuts, tomato, basil, and mozzarella skewers, blackberry and basil-infused water, coffee, juice (with the option to add Moscato!), and Blueberry, Lemon, Poppy seed muffins.

Third, sharing stories. While we ate, we went around the room and told the group a fun or funny story about the bride. Before long, the room was filled with laughter. Laughter always bonds!

Fourth, a game called Mixed Up Wisdom. Each guest was given a 3x5 card; on the front, she wrote a common marital problem, and on the back, she a corresponding wise solution (for example: what to do for dinner tonight?). Once everyone was done, we stacked the cards and passed them around. Each person would read the top card’s problem and the bottom card's solution, then put the top card on the bottom and move the stack to the left for the next woman to read. The mixed up combination of problems and solutions was quite hilarious.

Fifth, real wisdom.

We opened the discussion for all the married women in the room to offer real advice or kernels of wisdom they’d learned about creating a happy, healthy, thriving marriage. It was so beautiful to see and hear what they had to share.

Sixth, a simple Mad Libs game we printed from online. We had two teams with different scenarios, which we read aloud at the end. Everyone was rolling with laughter by the time we were through.

Finally, we were ready for the opening of gifts. At this point, I said a few words about the dignity of women and about the beauty and importance of approaching marriage with that understanding of the gift of self.

In view of that, joined one another in giving to Katie, both with beautiful intimate clothing and with our support and prayers. It was beautiful. As she opened the gifts, she and each woman in the room had a sense of joyful reverence for what Katie was anticipating.

After she finished gifts, we all prayed over Katie, that she and William would share a joy-filled, holy marriage, giving witness to the call to give of themselves to each other--as Christ gave of himself to us.

What would you say to someone who might object that a bride's intimate attire--and the marital act it's meant for--is private, not for the theme of a party?

Great question! It goes back to the point of the lingerie. If the point is simply to make a woman look like a sex object, then I think it has no place in a bridal shower--or frankly, in the bedroom, either.

But if the point is what it ought to be--namely, to adorn--then there is something very beautiful about other women gathering around the bride-to-be and helping her prepare to adorn herself as gift for her future husband.

What feedback did you receive?

We were blown away with how many women said afterwards how beautiful the shower was and how much it meant to them to witness such a reverent and holy, yet joyful approach to preparing a bride for marital intimacy.

About the Authors: Anne Marie Williams is a stay-at-home mom to Isaac and Eva Marie and is a part-time Intensive Care Unit nurse from central Illinois. She met her husband on CatholicMatch and they were married in April 2015. She's a firm believer that beautiful, strong marriages change the world. Anne Marie and her husband serve on the PreCana marriage prep retreat team for their diocese. She and Bridget met in 2013 and have been friends ever since.

As a single working professional, Bridget Heffernan enjoys working as a Lean Six Sigma Process Re-Engineering Consultant. However, Bridget's real passion is discovering, seeing, and talking about the beauty of God's handiwork, especially as regards the worth of the human person. As a team member for the monthly diocesan PreCana Retreats, she channels this passion by giving talks on the complementarity of masculinity and femininity, dignity and identity, and the power of sexuality & why sex is worth waiting for. Growing up in the middle of four brothers, she used to be a tomboy. As her understanding of the natural complementarity of masculinity and femininity grew, as well as her appreciation for the strength of the Blessed Mother, her love for authentic femininity grew, as well.

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May 01, 2019

Mychael + Adam | Rustic Midwest Basilica Wedding

May 01, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

Mychael and Adam met through mutual friends while attending weekly pop culture trivia nights. From there, a mutual collective knowledge of useless information and a similar sense of humor led to a friendship.

On their first date they attended Saturday Mass together at the Basilica of St. Mary in Minneapolis. Two years later they celebrated their relationship with a romantic dinner at 4Bells seafood house nearby. A little later, years after that “accidental” first date, Adam proposed on Christmas Eve.

From the Bride: I have a daughter from a previous relationship with profound disabilities. She is incredibly sweet and innocent--but not for the faint of heart.

I knew it was going to take an incredible man, a “St. Joseph” in my life, to open my heart to marriage and to embrace her as his own. Adam rose to the occasion, and I fell madly in love with him.

From the Groom: I met Mychael, as a friend, when I was going through a hard time finding "the one." I knew she was a smart and funny woman, but it was those weeks following our "first date" when I really had to decide whether to take a risk or remain just friends.

But once we chose to date each other, I knew I was all in. Mychael was an incredible woman, would be a loving partner and teammate, and I already knew her as an amazing mother. We have said from early on that we are on each others team and are in everything together.

As Robin Williams wisely said in Good Will Hunting, "You’re not perfect, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you’ve met, she’s not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other." Mychael and I are not perfect, but we are perfect for each other.

During wedding planning, our priority was the nuptial Mass, making it as beautiful and sacred as the sacrament itself. We spent hours going through music on YouTube and reading Scripture to hand-pick every detail. This made for some wonderful nights together.

Mychael and I were mindful of all the details, carefully choosing every aspect to reflect how we wanted to enter into marriage, and, most importantly, how we wanted to live out our marriage. We immediately began to book vendors, searching for Minnesota-created and sourced options for our big day. Every detail reflected aspects of our relationship, from the Notre Dame ticket-inspired save the date and “Marry Like a Champion” sign to clover leaves subtly placed in the greenery of our invitations, embracing the Mychael’s Irish heritage and my alma mater. In addition, the Minnesota outline appeared throughout the paper goods and reception details.

From the Bride: My vision for the dress was a blend of Kate and Pippa Middleton's wedding dresses, but I certainly didn't have a princess complex. Rather, I wanted to be an elegant bride for my bridegroom. I didn’t find any style that I really fell in love with or felt reflected my sensibility, so I opted for some alterations. The dress I chose was originally strapless with some tulle across the chest. By my wedding day, it had been altered with delicate lace, short sleeves, and an illusion neckline with a high lace collar.

My gorgeous, flowy long veil was purchased prior to the royal wedding but was nicknamed “the Meghan veil” by my bridesmaids.

My godmother, June, gave me her wedding rings to wear during the ceremony for luck. I wore Adam's maternal grandmother's pearls given to her by her father on her wedding day as a bracelet. She had previously passed in April. A navy blue rosary in my bouquet was my maternal grandmother’s, who passed away a week prior to our wedding.

The ceremony was held at the breathtakingly beautiful and historic Basilica of St. Mary’s and celebrated by the archbishop of St. Paul and Minneapolis, Most Rev. Bernard Hebda. It featured the basilica choir and Catholic musicians Tim and Julie Smith, whom I sang with growing up.

We chose a blend of contemporary and traditional music; the Irish Catholic prelude "Be Thou My Vision" and "How Can I keep from Singing.” Our entrance song was "Lord of All Hopefulness" and our final blessing and recessional hymns were "May the Road Rise Up to Meet You" and "Love Divine, All Love Excelling."

It was important to us that prayer in musical form be central to the Mass because sacred music is a large part of our lives. The archbishop was even kind enough to compliment us on how beautiful the music was, and that he expected nothing less!

For the reception, we chose 4 Bells’ rooftop for its unique and stylish characteristics in the space, but also for their craft cocktails and exquisite cuisine. It was an exceptionally intimate planned day for us and our family and friends.

Through it all, Adam and I were both involved in the planning, which made the process far less stressful, incredibly more personal, and the big day all the more celebratory.

The Thursday leading up to our wedding was the Feast of All Saints. We attended Mass together, just the two of us, and were able to celebrate a feast day we both love.

On our wedding day, witnessed by our family and friends, we chose to enter into the sacrament of marriage together. There was no father “giving the bride away.” Rather, we chose to have the two of us enter into the church at the same time, as recommended by the revised Rite of Marriage. It was a sacrament between the two of us and God, and we received so many compliments on this choice!

As we stood behind the grand basilica doors, Adam said he was so grateful that we had come to this moment. We both recognize how wonderful it is that we are able to walk this marriage journey together, because there is no one else I want to be doing this with.

Adam is a wonderful man of faith. He is kind and thoughtful in practical and romantic ways. He is a loving partner and embodies St. Joseph. He challenges me and supports me unconditionally.

We are both mindful that we have not come to this place alone. We have held onto our Catholic faith and our faith in each other to choose marriage. Perhaps it is our Midwest sensibility or Catholics in general, but discussing our faith outwardly does not come naturally to us. And so, our nuptial Mass and wedding was a wonderful and beautiful way for us to show our love for God and our faith to friends and family.

Over the years together we have celebrated and mourned. We have attended friends’ weddings and many funerals. We have laughed and cried. But through it all we remember the lyrics of the song we chose for our first dance, "God Gave Me You:" “God gave me you for the ups and downs, God gave me you for the days of doubt.”

The wedding was one wonderful day. Our marriage will be a lifetime, and we are excited for the journey.

Photography: Rachel Kathleen Photography | Church: Basilica of St. Mary - Minneapolis Minnesota | Reception: 4Bells - Minneapolis Minnesota | Dress: Rebecca Ingram design, heavily altered by Custom Sewing by Heather (the dress was strapless with tulle when purchased from Bella Bridal in Woodbury, MN | Grooms’ Attire: Calvin Klein, Macy’s | Rings: Bride Continental diamond, Groom Blue Nile
Bridesmaids: Adrianna Papell & Badgley mischka | Hair: Be Lovely by Amber Ann | Makeup: Beauty by Cort Anne
Flowers: KMB floral | Invitations & Save the Dates & Guest sign wooden board: A Milestone Paper Co. | Details including Notre Dame inspired “Marry Like A Champion” sign created by the Bride

April 30, 2019

Sharing Your Story | Marriage as a Living Testimony

April 30, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

STEPHANIE FRIES

There is power in telling a story—especially our personal story. When we put words on our authentic, vulnerable, sometimes laughable realities, we build bonds through shared human experiences. We listen to stories of others and experience the commonality of the human heart. Sharing and listening to life stories paves a path for affirmation, inspiration, empathy, and connection.

God offers his Church the Bible as a holy example of the power and influence in storytelling. Reading, studying and meditating on his sacred word brings us into deeper relationships with our Creator and with the longings of our heart and soul. Hearing the timelines, parables, and events of Scripture unifies individuals as they listen and learn alongside one another.

Our heavenly father has never stopped creating; he offers new stories through every human life. Our voices and our bodies are the means by which we share these stories with others—and glorify him—as the details of our lives unfold.

As we think of our own stories, who we share them with, and how we emphasize the details, it’s important to have intention as we recall and retell memories. Simply put, the way we remember an experience affects the way we speak about it. And the way we speak affects how others feel or how they think.

Consider, then, the opportunity and responsibility of sharing the stories of our married lives.

There is, of course, a healthy boundary to vulnerability; certain experiences and conversations between spouses should stay private. Yet within the vocation to married life is a journey of love, which every human heart yearns to hear and know. How you offer these stories, to strangers and loved ones alike, has the power to make an impact on your listeners’ hearts and minds.

For example, if you recall a circumstance as challenging, disheartening, or obstructive, then the tone in your storytelling will model those emotions to the audience. On the other hand, if your memory of an experience is positive, funny, or related to personal success, your body language and tone of voice will convey those emotions. Social scientists recognize that when we desire connection with others, listeners subconsciously mimic the speaker’s body language, breathing rate, and tone of voice. Whether they know it or not, the speaker is a model of emotion and attitude.

This insight has been a catalyst for me to pay attention to my internal dialogue and to be thoughtful as I share personal stories with others. I often find myself separating stories of my marriage from stories of life circumstance. I try to comprehend and share marriage as one dimension of life, while our jobs and daily logistics are another entity. With this approach, I frequently recall the moments when these two worlds collide; I speak of these experiences with a frustrated, puzzled, and tense tone. What impact does this have on the individuals who listen to me?

Fortunately, a mentor calmed weakness to this perspective; he helped me recognize the beautiful complexity of the calling and vocation to married life. We are not only called to become a wife. Every movement of every day, every detail and circumstance is an purposeful piece of our specific vocation.

Reflecting on the gift of vocation in this all-encompassing perspective has affected the way I tell my stories. The life circumstances I once perceived as obstacles have become moments for growth and grace in my marriage. The plot twists which used to shatter plans and positivity are now recognized as God’s hand guiding our path according to his divine mystery.

With a new perspective, my body language, word choice, and tone of voice has shifted. The storytelling that once left people empathizing with my frustration has a new potential to invite others into hope as we embrace the struggles of early family life as a gift from God.

Reflect on how you tell the stories of your vocation; how do you want to make people feel as they listen to and engage with your vulnerability?

God desires to use our stories as a means for his presence in the world. As we tell a story and give glory to God, we may open someone’s eyes to recognize his hand in their own life. When we celebrate life’s challenges and obstacles as gifts to our vocation, we may give someone else permission to see their circumstances with hope, patience, or a sense of humor.

This is not about sugar-coating our stories, but about keeping our eyes on God as we recall and retell our life experiences. Marriage inevitably involves taking up a cross and abandoning our own will. Dying to self requires a surrender of pride and oftentimes involves some kind of pain. Although there are times when pain is offered as a hopeful prayer, other realities invoke an honest and raw sadness in pain. Each story deserves to be shared authentically and in truth. No matter the depth of pain and suffering, God is writing your story as his personalized gift of love to you.

When we speak about our lives, our vocation, with an authentic or gracious tone, we cultivate a strong culture of marriage; we uphold a culture that receives every experience as a gift and offers the stories of our lives as a living testimony of faith, hope, and love.

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April 29, 2019

Spoken Bride Vendors | Spotlight, Vol. 1

April 29, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

Are you recently engaged and ready to book your wedding vendors? Newly married or attending a wedding, and in search of gifts that affirm the vocation to marriage?

We are proud to serve you through the Spoken Bride Vendor Guide, the first online resource for distinctively Catholic wedding vendors: hand-selected professionals from around the U.S. with not only an abundance of talent, but a reverence and passion for the sacrament of marriage that brings a uniquely personal, prayerful dimension to their client experiences.

From photographers and videographers who understand how to capture the most significant moments of your nuptial Mass, to coordinators who understand the needs of Catholic couples, artists whose jewelry, stationery, and prints become enduring keepsakes long after your wedding day, clinical and theological experts in the fields of fertility and relationships, and beyond, Spoken Bride Vendors view their work as a call and find deep joy in putting their talents at the service of the Lord.

What’s more, our vendors are truly engaging and fun. With a range of stories, hobbies, and devotions, it’s our privilege to share who they are and connect them with their ideal clients--you, faithful Catholic couples who are energized by working with like-minded, prayerful individuals. Each month, we’ll be introducing, or re-introducing, you to members of Spoken Bride’s vendor community, and we encourage you to learn more through their full vendor listings.

Our Featured April Vendors (click to jump)

Laurentina Photography + Video
Sea & Sun Calligraphy
Michelle Arnold Paine
Juliana Tomlinson Photography

Laurentina Photography + Video

Washington, D.C., available for nationwide and international travel

While studying abroad in Orvieto, Italy, Laura Kuah fell in love with the art of photography--and, through the art and theology surrounding her, with the Catholic faith. Specializing in building relationship throughout a couple’s engagement through vendor connections and monthly communication, all bathed in a spirit of prayer and intercession, Laura says, “Our postmodern world has lost the human connection. We have become fixated on the "hustle" rather than slowing down to appreciate the little moments in life. This is the message I want to share with the world: that you are enough, that God loves you with an everlasting love and that your story is worth it.”

How I describe my business: Candid, artistic, and free-spirited, and adventurous. Life is an great adventure and we have to be bold enough to step in faith to trust the journey God has given us. As a documentary photographer and storyteller, I love to travel.

How my faith plays a role in my work: My Catholic faith helps me promote the dignity of the human person with my clients. I love sending them notes, gifts and going the extra mile to make sure they feel loved and appreciated, as I have such a huge honor of documenting their special day. I also know if we are a good fit based on the questionnaires that they fill out during the initial inquiry process. Furthermore, I embarked on the Catholic faith and entered the Church as a result of the time I spent living in a convent in Italy and my friendship with the nuns there. They truly believed in my potentiality and loved me through every step of my messy, faith-filled life.

My coffee order: I love Italian espresso or cappuccino with dairy-free milk, or a matcha green tea latte.

Learn more about Laurentina Photography + Video

Sea & Sun Calligraphy

Stationery & Hand Lettering; Murrieta, California

Marisol Acosta first picked up a fountain pen in eighth grade, when she began learning the art of calligraphy, and has since continued mastering her craft. Offering bespoke invitation suites, menu and place cards, wedding Scripture verse prints, custom wedding monograms, and canvas art—many inspired by nature—Sea & Sun Calligraphy combines Marisol’s delicate watercolor art with hand-lettering that’s at once timeless and original.

My favorite part of working on weddings: helping my customers express themselves on that special day with our custom designs. It is very special to be part of something so sacred.

I root for: the Dodgers & Lakers since I was born in Los Angeles. I was a fan of the Dallas Cowboys as a young girl, and my husband also loves the same teams I. I’m a lucky girl!

Favorite Saints: As a young girl, I never understood our Catholic devotion to the communion of saints. But as I grew older I was blessed to understand the gift of the saints. I have a devotion to St. Therese of the Child Jesus, St. Faustina, and St. Catherine of Siena. I developed a special devotion to St. Padre Pio during my breast cancer diagnosis in 2012, which I survived by God's grace. I also love St. Anthony of Padua for his quick and amazing intercession with lost items and St. Francis of Assisi—his life is so inspiring.

Learn more about Sea & Sun Calligraphy

Michelle Arnold Paine

Fine Art & Gifts; Perrysburg, Ohio

A former student of the School of the Museum of Fine Arts Boston and MFA graduate of the University of New Hampshire, Michelle specializes in commissioned paintings of sacred architecture, using oils or watercolor to commemorate a couple’s wedding church or venue.

Michelle holds a particular fondness for painting Catholic churches--she says, “Couples work so hard to find that perfect place to join their lives together: I enable them to take it home. I love that I am participating in a life event and creating something that will last as an heirloom of that short day.”

Ministries I’m involved in: I’m a participant in my local Catholic mom’s group and the regional leader of Catholic Creatives Michigan.

On my bucket list: exhibiting my paintings in a solo show in a museum, visiting the Gothic Cathedrals of Northern France (Chartres, Reims, etc.), and having a skylight!

Love means: giving with joy.

Learn more about Michelle Arnold Paine

Juliana Tomlinson Photography

Lancaster, Pennsylvania, available worldwide

While in school for TV and studio journalism, Juliana’s husband gave her a camera as a wedding gift. As she used it for video, she discovered another hobby and gift: photography. Viewing her talent as a means of evangelization, Juliana describes her work as “romantic, joyful, and timeless,” in the hope that her images will allow her couples to frequently recall the events and emotions of their wedding day, “and that will help them to choose one another day after day.”

Favorite saints and devotions: Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal and Saint Gerard

I take my coffee: black with sweetener, if I like the coffee bean. Otherwise, pour on a lot of fat-free milk!

Love means: Today more than ever I know love is a choice. Everyday we need to choose to give ourselves to the other, be patient with the other. And in that we need to decide to love even when feelings don’t match up.

Learn more about Juliana Tomlinson Photography

April 26, 2019

Establishing a Bedtime Routine with Your Spouse

April 26, 2019/ Editor Spoken Bride

CARISSA PLUTA

Having a good night’s rest is essential for healthy lives and in many ways, a healthy marriage. Sleeping affects your bodily, mental, and emotional health--all of which are important to successfully taking on the next day. Plus, studies have shown that a good night’s sleep can reduce stress and improve your mood.

Establishing a bedtime routine is important to help you fall asleep, and stay asleep until morning.

You and your new spouse probably came into your marriage with your own pre-bed rituals but the excitement of falling asleep next to your new spouse is sure to shake things up a bit.

Creating a bedtime routine together helps ensure that you and your spouse are getting the rest needed to fully live out your vocation as husband and wife.

Create a Sanctuary

Ideally, your bedroom is the place you go to wind down at the end of the night and wake up refreshed each morning. It should be primarily a place of rest and peace, but for many new couples it often doubles as a home office or storage closet. The added clutter and noise can make you subconsciously feel anxious or stressed and therefore, affect sleep.

Your bedroom is where the liturgy of your life begins and ends. It is where your vows are made flesh and where the veil of the day is torn; it is a place of unity and intimacy for couples. Your bedroom is a sacred place in your home and should be treated as such.

Keep unnecessary work and noise out. Make sure you have a comfortable mattress and pillows, and try to keep the room as clean as possible (even if that means tidying up the room before your lay down). Create a space in which you look forward being after a long day, and that will help ease your mind and body into a restful night.

Set Boundaries for Technology

Do you and your spouse spend time scrolling on your phone before bed? Not only does the artificial light from phones, tablets, and laptops disrupt the circadian rhythms of the body, it communicates indifference to your spouse.

Spend time in the evenings together without the distractions of text messages and emails. Set a time where the technology is powered down and put away.

If possible, keep the phone out of the bedroom. Again, this keeps the unwanted stress out of your sleep environment but also eliminates the temptation to reach for your phone during the night or first thing in the morning.

Make Time for Prayer

Setting aside time each night for prayer is a great way to recenter before bed and to thank God for the day.

Not only that, but praying aloud with your spouse deepens your relationship with one another; it increases intimacy and contributes to the spiritual health of the family.

Not sure where to start? Try incorporating compline (or the Divine Office’s night prayer) or an Examen into your evening routine. Whatever you decide, make sure you pray before your head hits the pillow.

Go to Bed at the Same Time

Between kids and work schedules, it’s not always possible to go to bed at the same time as your spouse each night. But if you have the opportunity, choosing to go to bed at the same time as your spouse, helps create a feeling of connectedness, especially if you don’t get a lot of time together during the day.

Research has shown this small practice as a great way to increases intimacy and conversation between couples. It also increases positive feelings between partners that affect their interactions the following morning.

Say “Goodnight”

It may seem odd to say “goodnight” before you fall asleep in the same bed. However, a simple “good-night” communicates to feelings of love to your spouse.

Saying goodnight, especially after a bad day, communicates to your spouse that your relationship is more important than any upsetting incident that may have happened during waking hours. These words offer closure on the day and allow husband and wife to fall asleep knowing that they are cherished.

About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth R etold. Read more

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“My whole strength lies in prayer and sacrifice, these are my invincible arms; they can move hearts far better than words, I know it by experience.”

“I know now that true charity consists in bearing all our neighbors' defects—not being surprised at their weakness, but edified at their smallest virtues.”

“God would never inspire me with desires which cannot be realized; so in spite of my littleness, I can hope to be a saint.”

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Lingerie showers have a reputation for being more trashy than classy. As super classy ladies yourselves, why was it important to you to throw a lingerie shower specifically?

How did you determine the atmosphere and mood for the shower?

For other Catholic women planning pre-wedding events, can you share the order of events for the day?

What would you say to someone who might object that a bride's intimate attire--and the marital act it's meant for--is private, not for the theme of a party?

What feedback did you receive?

Our Featured April Vendors (click to jump)

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Sea & Sun Calligraphy

Michelle Arnold Paine

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Create a Sanctuary

Set Boundaries for Technology

Make Time for Prayer

Go to Bed at the Same Time

Say “Goodnight”

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