Vendor Spotlight | OC Media

Attend a wedding, and you're given the opportunity to know the bride and groom in a new way, even if they're old friends: their ceremony and reception convey their values, their tastes, their style. On a day when all eyes are on the couple and the love they share, you're bound to observe something new about their relationship and interactions, not least of which is the fact that in the sacrament, a husband and wife have, in fact become a new creation, one before God and man, transformed and sealed by grace. 

The dress, the meal, the decor, and other wedding details do offer major understanding on the surface. Rightly so, that surfce can be beautiful and telling. What sets a Catholic wedding apart, thought, is the richness residing beneath the exterior. We are a sacramental people: the sights, smells, sounds, and tastes of the Mass are invitations to the divine; the intangible made accessible, the Word made incarnate. The interior, brought to light, is a revelation.

It's that interior knowledge Keenan and Brianna Fitzpatrick are chasing. A few years ago, they showed up to a wedding empty-handed, with only their camera in tow, and decided to capture the day in a real, memorable way. Hours of footage and editing later, they presented their first wedding video as a gift to the couple, and the response let fall the Holy Spirit. Brianna and Keenan felt the pull to share their talent, and their husband-and-wife photography and videography business was born.

The OC in OC Media stands for Oculi Cordis, Latin for "eyes of the heart." The Fitzpatricks' work embodies this invitation to share in the inner life of their clients, to see with more than just what the eye can know. Yet it's the immediate beauty that first draws the viewer in and demands a closer look: photographs that are glowy, flooded with light, and often showcasing the landscapes of their native Colorado, and videos combining imagery, music, and speeches into something truly tender.

Clicking through a couple's wedding album or video as soon as it's posted can make it easy to forget these glimpses of the day will last far beyond the news feed scrolls and the excitement of early marriage. These images will be viewed, re-viewed, and experienced for decades. Brianna writes that she and her husband "can't help but be drawn into the present by appreciating the past." Creation is eternal.

From Keenan + Brianna: We call OC Media a ministry because we believe it is a tool and gift God has given to us to express to others the beauty that exists in their life--a beauty that is an undeniable gift from their Creator. So many moments in life, whether it's a marriage, graduating from high-school, or a baby's first steps are opportunities for us to encounter our God, ourselves, others, and the world around us in a profound way.

We desire to convey this by engaging in others' lives through relationship and by capturing moments that will hopefully be constant reminders of the giftedness of this life!

We also desire to develop real relationships with each of our clients. When we take clients, we are not just contracting a job with them, we want to get to know the couple or the individual beforehand and continue that relationship after their session. This, we believe, is the call of every human being: to encounter another in a real way.

If we are to truly capture events and important moments in people's lives, we need to know who we are capturing. We're eager to learn about each person's dreams, desires, wants, needs, loves, and even pains. We hope this sets us apart, and we hope and pray others witness the difference.

Our job and privilege is to enlighten others hearts through our eyes and your own. To be enlightened means having greater knowledge of and understanding of something. We hope that you are enlightened by the work we do, to not only see just photography or videography, but to see the beauty, truth, and goodness behind every shot, and in every video. May it open the eyes of your heart!

OC MEDIA | Website | Instagram | Facebook

Maggie + Eric | Rustic Denver Wedding

Maggie and Eric met in college at Ave Maria University, where they had many mutual friends and went on a single date before graduation, yet Maggie was hesitant to enter into a new relationship right as her post-college life was unfolding. Eric persisted through her discernment, eventually sitting Maggie down and saying, "You don't have any more cards to play." That night, two weeks before they were handed their diplomas, Maggie and Eric started their relationship and began dating long-distance after school ended.

Eric is a Wyoming native and Maggie is from Colorado--two states whose wild, natural beauty is a big part of their identities. Their shared love of the outdoors led to a devotion to Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, and Eric chose Frassati's feast day, July 4, to propose. There were fireworks. Literally. 

On the night of July 4th, Maggie and Eric spent the evening watching the Independence Day fireworks over Lake Estes in Colorado. At the end of the show, Eric pulled out a big, wrapped box and said it was a belated birthday present Inside was a beautiful music box handcrafted by Eric, that played "Ave Maria" The music box was empty, but once the song started playing, he knelt and pulled a ring from his pocket.

From the Bride: Eric and I deeply desired that our day focus wholly on the sacramental foundation of marriage, which is so intimately captured in the Mass and has really set the tone for our life together.

The Church where our Mass was held was a call to the beautiful and beyond: the stone, the stained glass, and the sprawling aisle elevated the spirit towards a higher calling. We were also fortunate enough to employ a beautiful choir that truly captured the essence of the liturgy and music. Eric and I really wanted the cello to anchor the music, and it was accompanied by the incredible pipe organ, along with violins and 10+ angelic voices. It felt like a part of heaven came down to earth during that hour in the Church.

We feel so indebted to our photographer, because we are able to remember that day so vividly and through such beautiful lenses. It felt huge that she was Catholic, because she was really able to hone in on the sacrament, the beauty of the church, and the details of the nuptials that might otherwise be missed.

An extraordinary moment for us was when our bridal party surprised us with a commissioned icon of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, written by Vivian Imbruglia of Sacred Image Icons. We were able to place the icon on the altar during the nuptial Mass and have it blessed by our priest after the ceremony.

My dress was very simple, and I really didn't spend a lot of time searching for the "perfect" one. I just found one I loved. My mom had remembered a little lace boutique she'd found when she was engaged over 30 years ago. It happened to still be in business, so we decided that my mom would make my veil and add some additional details to the dress. We found some vintage Venetian lace there that we added to the waist of the dress and used for the veil. That is what made my dress so precious to me: my mom spent countless hours (and rosaries) creating my veil and matching it to the dress, making it one of a kind. 

Our reception venue used to be the old steel and ironwork's factory for the city of Denver, dating back to 1897, which added a lot of character and unique detail. One of my favorite parts of the venue was walking into the building as we were announced for the first time as "Mr. and Mrs. Maslak," because all of our guests were looking down on us from the floor above. We started our first dance right away with a little-known Lumineers song called "Falling," and it really set the tone for a fun evening ahead.

We look back with such gratitude on our wedding day, because what stands out to us isn't the details we had spent the majority of our time planning--it was that we gave each other a sacrament in marriage, which has been a comfort and a stronghold for us during our first year as newlyweds. 

Photography: Britt Fisk Photography | Videography: OC Media | Church: Holy Ghost Catholic Church, Denver, CO | Reception Venue: Mile High Station, Denver, CO | Flowers for the bride: Plum Sage Flowers | Bridal Party Florals: Trader Joes | Stationary: Designed by the Bride & her sister | Caterer: Three Tomatoes Catering | Bride’s Dress: J. Crew Bridal | Bride's Veil: Handmade by the mother of the bride | Bride's Shoes: J. Crew | Jewelry/Accessories: Francesca's | Rings: Ritani | Bridesmaids' Attire: J. Crew Bridal | Groom's Suit/Tux, Groomsmens' Attire: Jos. A. Banks | Cake Baker: A local friend-of-a-friend | Hairstylist: Julia Sadusky, Pins&Curls | Makeup Artist: Danielle Trujillo (a friend) | DJ: Trevor Karas (a friend)

Editors' Picks | Vol. 4: Our Christmas Gift Guide

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon related.

This month, we're pleased to share with you a few of our favorite finds for your family, friends and wedding party members, and of course, for your beloved, as the Christmas season approaches.

Elise, Social Media + Marketing

For Your Sister: Hatch Prints Joan of Arc Print or CraftMonkee Ring Cone. I love this image from Hatch Prints! I hope it reminds my sister to conquer each day with grace and courage. Is your sister newly engaged? The ring cone is sassy and something different. It's a perfect spot for her to rest her bauble after a long day of showing it off to friends!

For Your Mom or Mother-In-Law: Terrain Chef's Kitchen Gift Set or Linnea's Lights Diffuser. Terrain is an awesome place to shop for mom or mother-in-law! The Chef's Kitchen Gift Set is full of goodies for the seasoned chef. It's filled with fun ingredients like lavender balsamic vinegar for her to use in her cooking. Looking more for something homey? The diffuser in the Peony scent looks amazing.

For Your Godchild: Bitte Twill Apron and Kitchen Tools, Magnatiles, or Ele Story Tutu. Hunter and I love to spoil our goddaughter, Lily! It's so difficult to narrow it down to just a few gifts to give, we came up with a list of some really adorable items. For the little cook, the apron and tool set is perfect for helping Mommy or Daddy in the kitchen. The boys I used to nanny played with Magnatiles and they never.got.old. And for your little princess, Ele Story's beautiful dress is just too cute to pass up.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

For Him: SENSO Bluetooth Headphones. I give my husband all the credit for this gift pick. He uses his bluetooth headphones often: at the gym, on a bus/metro commute, on the airplane, while doing computer work, or even at home when he’s watching a war movie I am not particularly interested in while the children are sleeping. He uses them to listen to music, podcasts, and audio books, as well. These are noise canceling headphones, so if you ask your guy a question and he doesn’t reply, I promise it’s not because he’s ignoring you. It’s because you got him a great set of earbuds.

For Girlfriends: Sseko Designs “Brave” Necklace with interchangeable charms. I am a huge fan of supporting ethical and mission-oriented businesses when you can. Sseko Designs is a fashion brand based out of Uganda, giving job & college education opportunities to women of East Africa. Originally starting with sandals, Sseko has now grown their products to a variety of footwear, leather bags, scarves, prints, and jewelry. You can find the perfect gift for anyone.

For Family: Laser Engraved Cutting Board. Do you have a favorite family recipe written by a loved one? This would be a beautiful heirloom to give to your parents, in-laws, or anyone in your family. It's the perfect keepsake for everyone to enjoy.

Stephanie, Co-Founder + Content Manager

For fiancés or husbands: Experience-oriented gifts for the hard-to-shop-for. My husband frequently dislikes replacing anything until it's entirely gone or worn out, and gift giving is not his love language, two qualities that can make him hard to shop for. If your man is similar, I'll share my strategy of choosing gifts oriented towards a shared experience, rather than the material gift itself. I ask myself what my husband might enjoy doing together, then try to come up with gifts that could contribute to that. For instance, we love to make a special meal (well, second dinner) after our kids go to bed, so in the case of this example, a much-appreciated gift might be a new cookbook (Jerusalem and Baked are two favorites of ours) to work through together, along with a premium olive oil, alcohol, or exotic ingredient. Other ideas in this experience category include event tickets for a music or sports lover, equipment to take along on a hike and hot cocoa date for an outdoorsman, or a journal and spiritual book to bring on a pilgrimage together to a shrine or holy site.

For girlfriends: Paloma's Nest I AM NOT AFRAID bowl. I love to give and receive beautiful, indulgent items, the kinds of gifts you are thrilled to open but might never have bought yourself because they seemed too fancy or uneccesary. Gifts in this category can add simple life and pleasure into your routines. These handcrafted porcelain bowls from a family-owned company are just the ticket. Sized just right for storing jewelry or other small items, St. Joan of Arc's invocation on this bowl to Be Not Afraid is the perfect message for the women in your life. Be sure to check out the Wedding Shop on Paloma's Nest, as well. The company's ring bearer bowls can be used during your wedding Mass, and some of their inscriptions brought tears to my eyes.

For family: The Makeshift Gallery Family Tree. Your origins, traditions, and history become even more meaningful in marriage, when you and your beloved merge two families and, as you walk out of the church, take your first steps as your own new family. I love the rustic yet clean design of this custom print, available for four, five, or six generations back, with its image of the rings of a tree.

Andi, Public Relations + Vendor Outreach

For kids: Magnatiles, Lego, or Playmobil. I second Magnatiles! They are one of my family's favorite toys, requiring zero batteries, and kids can just build all day with them. Legos are another great option for infinite creativity and hours and hours of play. My kids also love Playmobil sets, which come at every price point from $5 and up. Boys seem to prefer the Historical sets, complete with Viking battleships, little armies, and scenes from the Wild West. My girls love the Fairy, Princess, and Preschool sets, and it's fun to watch them play out different scenarios with the figurines.

For girlfriends: Grace + Salt Maplewood Sign & Be a Heart Metal Mug. "But first, coffee." Two of my closest friends are coffee lovers. One is getting this adorable homemade sign from Grace + Salt for her coffee station, and another is receiving this mug from Be A Heart. My Dominican grandma always has her café in an enamel mug, so I try to share that tradition with the people I love.

For In-Laws: Local Food and Drink Baskets. Mine live out of state, so I love giving gift baskets filled with specialty foodie goodies that aren't available where they are. This year I stocked up at an authentic Italian market down in Little Italy, San Diego: imported noodles with fun shapes, bruschetta and a yummy mix to cover the pasta with, Italian spaghetti sauce, Pizzelles, Sicilian hard candies, and a California Chianti to top it all off. If you have a Trader Joe's nearby, they're an excellent one-stop shop for creating food gifts at any price point. My in-laws loved the infused olive oils from Trader Joe's we gave them last year, also part of an Italian gift basket.

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We love making new discoveries through you! Tell us; are there any special gift items you have your eye on this year? Any small businesses whose mission and products you've fallen in love with? Share your finds in the comments!

For more kids' gift ideas, don't miss our list of faith-inspired presents for Flower Girls and Ring Bearers.

How He Asked | Nicole + David

Introducing the Spoken Bride How He Asked proposal series! Alongside the beautiful and distinctively Catholic weddings featured on the blog, we are thrilled, starting today, to begin sharing engagement and proposal stories.

Our hope is to let it resound that love is alive. Love is of Christ, and and Christ is alive so entirely and specifically in every romance centered on him.

It would be our honor to tell your story, as well. Submit your proposal or engagement shoot with our Submission form.

Nicole and David's families knew each other through their shared home parish, yet the two of them went to different schools and didn't interact much. They went on a few dates after high school graduation, after which Nicole broke off the relationship, yet David always stood out in her mind. Unknown to them at the time, the Father was molding their hearts for something greater. Scroll past the gallery to read their testimony, and join us in covering them in prayer!

Photography: Rae and Michael Photography | Engagement Location: St. Martha Catholic Church, Murrieta CA

In Nicole's words:

About two years after David and I met, I hit rock bottom, hard. It was there, at my weakest point, that I finally responded to God's mercy. Shortly after this conversion, grace poured in and David and I pursued a friendship again.

A few months later we started dating once more. God was renewing my life completely. But in the midst of this newfound beauty, I was preparing to leave our home state of California and transfer colleges to Franciscan University in Ohio. When I got to Franciscan, I felt a strong call on my heart to be single and really get to know God’s voice in my life, which I had never done before. I was so used to going from relationship to relationship and never really discerning God’s will for me.

It was hard to let go of something so seemingly good. But it the midst of the confusion, I knew God was able to work more during this time in our lives then he had ever been able to before. We were wounded and receptive to the divine physician. In the deepest part of my soul, I knew this was going to be a season of healing.

The summer after our breakup, I ran into David in line for confession at our home parish. I was overjoyed to see him. One word kept coming into my mind: healing. I knew tremendous healing had taken place in both of our hearts within the past year. But God still had more to do. I was about to begin a semester studying abroad in Austria. I took this as a great opportunity to pray for my vocation. Let me tell you, when we pray sincerely, like a child, he hears and answers us. Little did I know a storm of grace was coming.

I graduated from college this past spring. After five months of discernment, learning patience and growing our friendship from a distance, David and I started officially dating again once I moved back home. We soon decided the best thing for us would be to consecrate our relationship to Jesus, through Mary. So we began the 33 days to Morning Glory Marian consecration, ending on October 7th, the feast of Our Lady of the Rosary. After praying every single day for 33 days we were on fire.

On the feast day, we went to Mass to celebrate our consecration. David took me to a statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe outside of our church. After we finished our last prayer to Our Lady, David got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life chasing heaven with him. He was my steady fighter, the one who fought to seek me through the heart of Jesus. Even in the midst of the twisted roads and unexpected turns in life, David was there. His heart revealed the father’s heart to me. So of course, I said yes! I am overjoyed to be fighting the good fight next this man and with Jesus as our guide, we will be Mr. & Mrs. This is God's merciful love revealed.

In David's words:

Growing up, I always imagined that once I met the girl who would be my wife, we would hit it off and get married very shortly after. Boy was I wrong!

I remember one night very specifically from our first months of knowing each other in high school; seeing Nicole at a party in this beautiful blue flowered dress. She had brought a guy with her; I didn’t know if it was a friend or a boyfriend, but that didn’t stop me from trying to talk with her. Luckily she came over towards her dad, who I happened to be talking with, and we had a short conversation as a group. This was enough to spark my interest, and shortly after we connected and I asked her out for coffee. Our resulting three dates included a baseball game where my car broke down on the way home and I had to have someone come pick us up.

Two years later, Nicole and I had just gotten out of relationships with other people. Nicole’s relationship with the Lord had grown significantly and she began volunteering on the core team at our Church, where I also attended the weekly meetings. God was providing us with an opportunity to renew our friendship.

So much healing occurred during these few months. Soon, with some help from our parents' prayers--they were secretly scheming by praying a novena for St. Raphael to intercede for us--Nicole and I began dating again. It was truly the best relationship I had ever been in. We were in awe of God’s goodness. Both Nicole and I had dated individuals who didn't share our Catholic faith, so dating someone who loved and shared the faith was huge. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was marked by a sincere desire for purity and holiness. It was at this point I knew I wanted to marry Nicole.

When Nicole was accepted at Franciscan, we celebrated the good news and discussed how we would be fine having a long distance relationship while she was at school. I was surprised, and devastated, when Nicole broke off our relationship for a second time. This began a difficult period in my life where I felt a strong temptation to run from God. I felt like I had tried to do things the right way--his way--yet it didn’t work out. I’m sure many people have felt this way, and some have even left the church because of it. Luckily for me, through a great deal of prayer, grace, and wrestling with my own doubt, I began to push into God and he softened my heart. God gave me the grace to desire Nicole's happiness, despite what that meant for mine.

Right before our breakup, Nicole had given me a book, A Man of the Beatitudes, about Pier Giorgio Frassati. The book features many letters written by Blessed Pier Giorgio. One of these letters specifically stuck out and gave me a great deal of peace during our time apart:

“So, my program in this is to transform that special feeling that I had for her, and which is not wanted, to the end to which we must strive, the light of charity in the restful bonds of Christian friendship, respect for her virtues, imitation of her outstanding gifts, as with other girls. Perhaps you will tell me that it is mad to hope this. But I believe, if you pray a little for me, that in a short time I can achieve that state in prayer. This is my program, which I hope with God’s grace to follow.”

During the next year and a half, Nicole and I never spoke until the day we ended up in the confessional line together. Even with Nicole leaving for Austria the following day, that conversation began God’s renewal of our relationship. Finally, after a great deal of patiently waiting, we both felt a strong call from the Lord and began dating again after Nicole's college graduation (third time’s the charm right?). It was beautiful to share with each other the way God had worked in our lives during the time apart.

After getting back together, it wasn’t long until we began talking about marriage. Life had indeed changed and we were in a much better place financially, spiritually, and personally to move in this direction. In only four months by the time I had bought a ring and began planning how I would propose. One thing Nicole had told me during our conversations was that she would love to get engaged on a Catholic feast day. With this in mind, I began researching just about every feast day for the upcoming three months.

As a gift to Our Lady and to Nicole, I decorated the garden outside the shrine where we were attending Mass with over 12 dozen roses and sunflowers, placed at Our Lady's feet.

The Lord has taught me so much through my relationship with Nicole. I have learned God has His own timing and that it isn’t always the same as my own. He turns the bitter into sweet and makes all things new. As Nicole and I stand here together engaged, I couldn’t be more excited to receive the sacrament of marriage and begin our vocation. May we always bear witness to Christ’s selfless and sacrificial love.

Elise's Wedding | Strategies for Choosing Your Wedding Vendors

SAVE THE DATE ... our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

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Photographers, planners, caterers. Oh my! When Hunter and I started the wedding planning process, I was lucky enough to know a handful of wedding vendors as business acquaintances. They were able to offer me their own services or direct me to other wedding vendors. However, we have wanted to choose our vendors carefully and intentionally, so the search has been fun but also a challenge. I want to share with you my thoughts on how we've gone about hiring our vendors so far and what tips have been helpful to us. I'm also including questions for you to ask potential vendors to help you discern the individuals who will help your big day come together. 

Wedding Planner:

Truly, our biggest win so far in wedding planning has been hiring a partial-planner. We knew we couldn't afford a full-time planner--someone who can hire vendors for you and help come up with your wedding vision--but I know I'd appreciate assistance with logistics and day-of-coordination. It's been extremely important to me that I don't feel rushed on my wedding day. I don't want to be responsible for making the trains run on time or making sure that everything is set; I want to be prayerfully focused on entering into the sacrament of marriage and being surrounded by the people I love. Look into the wedding planners in your area and inquire about partial planning packages. I promise you, it will be money well spent! 

Questions to Ask: How many weddings have you planned? What will your level of involvement be? How often can I expect to interact with you during the wedding process? Do the weddings you plan usually have a certain style? 

Florist: 

There are so many ways to approach florals for your wedding. You can arrange them yourself, buying the flowers from a wholesalers (friends have raved about Costco!). You can hire a farm-to-vase florist who sources only local and organically grown flowers. I have found it helpful to interview and get a quote from florists in each category. I spoke to one vendor who only used naturally grown flowers; I talked with wholesalers about the logistics of designing and assembling my own florals; then I talked with several florists in our area. We ended up going with a wonderful woman who owns her own small floral business, is just starting out and had more than reasonable prices. It was important to me to support local businesses owned by women through my wedding, so hiring her was the best decision for us. 

Questions to Ask: What can I expect from you on the day of the wedding? Will you deliver and set up the florals? Where do you get your flowers from? What type of weddings have you styled for in the past? Do you handle take-down, and where do the florals go after the wedding day? Do you donate them? Can you create a sample piece for me before we sign a contract?

Photographer: 

We have consistently heard the advice to not skimp on our photographer. Our wedding day is so exciting and will happen so quickly. We might not be able to remember every single moment of the day, but we will be able to look back on the day through photos. When it comes to wedding photography, simply put: you generally get what you pay for. Yet that doesn't mean your wedding photography has to push you above your budget! The key to finding a good fit is finding a photographer who has been in the business 2-3 years, has a portfolio that shows their skill and suits your style, and, if possible, offers competitive pricing. (Join your local Rising Tide Society Facebook group, even if you aren't a creative entrepreneur. In the group, you can post a call for photographers in your area and price range). 

Questions to Ask: Can I see some examples of past weddings you've shot? What equipment do you use? When is the last time you've updated your equipment? Could you give me an outline of the day and what you'll be shooting when? How far in advance do I need to book you? Can I give you a list of specific shots that I'd like? How do you deliver the photos post-wedding day?

Hair & Makeup: 

Some women want to do their own hair and makeup on the day of their wedding and that's totally fine! For brides who prefer professional services, there are several options. You can go to a salon the day of or you can have hair and makeup artists come to the place where you're getting ready. There are plenty of wedding-specific stylists and makeup artists, just make sure to check out their online reviews to make sure you're hiring someone who is experienced. 

Questions to Ask: Will you do a trial run with me before my wedding? Can you work off of photos that I like? Are you familiar with my particular hair and skin types? Do you use your own makeup and hair products? Are there any day-of expenses I should be aware of?

DJ or Band:

Music sets the tone for your wedding Mass and reception. Consider: will you have your Church's music minster provide mass music? Who will be your cantors? Hunter and I are lucky to have wonderful, musically gifted friends who will be providing our Mass music. For our reception, we opted for a D.J. over live music. We valued hiring someone who will set a fun tone at the reception while keeping things classy and respectful. 

Questions to Ask: How many D.J.s are in your company? How do you cater to both younger and older generations at the reception? Will you play a list of songs if we give them to you? Do you use your own equipment? Will you coordinate with the planner or bride and groom at the reception if any questions arise? How do you arrange announcements for key points at the reception (first dance, cake cutting, etc.)?

Caterer: 

Yummy! Our reception venue provides food and drink in-house, but I know the caterer is a big vendor for most people. Make sure you are hiring a caterer who not only provides great food, but also awesome service to your guests. Take your preferences into account as you seek out a vendor. For instance, are you leaning towards a buffet or sit down dinner? Want to get creative? Consider asking family members to pitch in with creating a dessert table or baking your wedding cake.

Questions to Ask:  How many weddings do you do per year? Have you done events at my location? Will I need any permits for my events? What about bar permits? How many servers will be provided at my reception? How will the servers be dressed? Can you show me pictures of food you've created in the past? What kind of alcohol will be served?

I'd love to chat with you about your own planning. Tell me; what vendors have you hired so far in your wedding planning? What has your experience been like? If you were already married, what advice do you have to share about hiring vendors?

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About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

WEBSITE | BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

5 Tips for Peaceful Holidays as a Couple.

STEPHANIE CALIS

For the first two years of our marriage, my husband and I were holiday vagabonds. We’d spend the days before Thanksgiving and Christmas driving four hours to our home state and staying overnight at two or more different homes, all while attempting to cram in a few hours with each of our extended families and old friends.

There’s a whirlwind nature to those days that my life lacks now--the arrival of our children has merited more structure and discipline--and though the rose-colored glasses of hindsight make me look back fondly on the facility we had to travel more frequently and spontaneously, I also distinctly remember wishing our holidays weren't defined by constant travel. We were able to visit everyone, go to bed whenever, make the drive back home long after dark. But we were also pretty rootless, missing out on opportunities to consider how we actually did want to define the season for ourselves.

Have you experienced this? Merging your life with your beloved's in engagement and marriage also means merging the lives of your families, for better or worse. Determining a moderate, healthy level of commitment to family obligations is a question that looks different for every couple and evolves through different phases of life. So does the question of how you’d like to form your own rituals as a couple and future family. To help you answer these questions and cultivate peace during this hectic time, we offer you these suggestions for navigating the holidays:

Boundaries don’t destroy freedom; they create freedom.

During the years my husband and I lived far from family, and before we had children, we were able to travel anywhere and everywhere, saying yes to almost every invitation, but we weren’t free. The feeling of needing a vacation from Christmas vacation was a major reminder that freedom didn’t mean the ability to take back-to-back road trips and pack our schedule to the brim, but the ability to accept or decline commitments with unburdened hearts, unchained to duty and calendars.

Giving of yourself is, of course, good and necessary. Relationships with your loved ones deserve your time and attention. When we overstretch ourselves, the quality of our relationships can suffer. After those first busy seasons, my husband and I decided we’d prefer to alternate spending our holidays with one family each year, not both. The times we stayed for two or three hours at one celebration before getting back in the car to drive to a second, we hardly felt time to be present with our relatives before moving on to the next obligation. We were putting in face time, but it wasn’t true quality time.

Arleen Spenceley writes, “[boundaries] keep what is hurtful, unhealthy, or needless out of the way. We are most free when we have healthy boundaries, not when we have none.” Just as it’s fruitful to judiciously draw a line with your social life, so it is with delicate or painful situations that might feel more prominent at this time of year. If you know the season will bring with it certain tensions or difficult relationships, bring to prayer the question of how you can embrace the challenge while protecting yourself--in some situations, that might mean entering into these tensions, and in some, that might mean avoiding them.

Anticipate points of miscommunication, and work through them ahead of time.

Making clear each of your expectations for how you’ll spend and divide your time, filling one another in on your families’ particular rituals, and creating a game plan for travel each go a long way in keeping you and your beloved on the same page.

Start your own traditions.

Traditions are special, and they’re comforting. Creating new ones that belong to the two of you grounds you in these busy months and shapes your identity as a couple. Need ideas? Buy or make an Advent wreath and incorporate it into your daily or weekly routine; my family lights the wreath every night during grace before dinner. Take up a prayer ritual like the St. Andrew Christmas Novena, which begins tomorrow, the O Antiphons, or a daily Rosary of only the Joyful Mysteries. Try out a few new dessert, cocktail, or meal recipes and reserve them for holidays-only. Choose a movie or book to experience each year during Advent or Christmas.

Identify ways to carve out quality time.

When you’re spending weekend after weekend at parties and gatherings, and when you’re staying over as guests with faraway family and friends, it’s easy to go for long stretches without any time as just you and your fiancé or husband. God willing, your time spent in groups and with family is fruitful and precious. Yet there’s value in knowing how extensive social time affects your unique temperaments and in nourishing your relationship accordingly. Even extroverts need time to recharge alone or with their beloved, so plan ways to do that. Choose a day to shelve all things party and shopping-related and go on a special date instead. Load up on podcasts or audiobooks if you have a long road trip ahead of you. Briefly duck out from your hosts to attend confession, Adoration, or a daily Mass together. Take a nightly walk during your stay with family.

Find peace in God’s will, no matter what.

Approach the season with a spirit of flexibility, and embrace times of stress, anxiety, or trial as your road to Bethlehem. St. Teresa of Calcutta constantly thanked God for her suffering, resolving if trial be the Father’s will for her, that it draw her closer into the heart of Jesus. Her holy example is a powerful reminder that the Father’s every whisper to us, everything he wills for us, is a mercy. In him resides our peace.

Know of our prayers for you this Advent. Tell us, what spiritual or practical strategies have helped you find balance during the holidays?

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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A Prayer of Thanksgiving.

From all of us at Spoken to all of you, Happy Thanksgiving! This day, not unlike engagement and marriage, reflects life's tensions: feast and fast, anticipation and its fulfillment, hunger and contentment--restlessness ends not in marriage, but in eternity. Know of our prayers for you in this sacred time and in this start of the holiday season!

Lord, we come before you in thanks. We are gifted and entrusted with freedom, with truth, with your bounty. You, who have poured yourself over us, bled and given everything all for love of us--to win us back and bring us home--we praise you.

We trust in your generosity, whatever that looks like in this moment. We ask only to receive. Fill us, Lord. All that is of you is gift, even when it doesn’t look anything like we might have imagined. Strengthen us in trust; let us receive you fully, that we may experience every act of the Father’s will as a mercy.

You are a God of abundance. And yet, we hunger. Let us embrace these aches through waiting, through restlessness, through uncertainty. You are permanence, Lord. Rest. Certainty. May we see this longing as it is, unveiled: our desire for communion, for eternity with you. May all our wanderings draw us deeper into your love.

In this season of home, of family, of breaking bread, let us live with our first home in mind, our identity as your children. Humbly we beg for the grace to sanctify each other, to return each other to you, Father. Sustain us in your body and your precious blood, that we may live with joyful anticipation of your heavenly banquet, the feast of your love.

The voice of mirth and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the voices of those who sing, as they bring thank offerings to the house of the Lord:

‘Give thanks to the Lord of hosts, for the Lord is good, for his steadfast love endures for ever!’

For I will restore the fortunes of the land as at first, says the Lord.

- Jeremiah 33:11

Newlywed Life | How a Diamond Taught Me How to Die

LINDSAY TREZZA

My husband Vinnie and I recently celebrated our first anniversary. Through all of the ups and downs of this first year together, I can say with 100% certainty that I love him more now than I did on our wedding day. Though the majority of this first year together has been incredibly sweet, my biggest challenge has been learning how to die.

Photography: Mary Katherine Photography, seen in Anna + Patrick | Pennsylvania Country Club Wedding

When Vinnie and I picked out our wedding bands a year and a half ago, we had a black diamond welded inside of each of our rings to remind us that in marriage, we must put the other's needs before our own. Simply put, we must die to ourselves. In times of struggle, I remind myself of that tiny black stone, reminding me of the vows I took to honor this through all of the good times, bad times, and downright inconvenient times.

Allow me to explain the “inconvenient” part: recently, we were presented with a last-minute opportunity to join my husband’s family on a camping trip across the country.  When he introduced the idea to me, I was anything but a happy camper. The trip was the very next day, and we still needed to book a flight. Also, camping!  “Can’t you go without me?” I pleaded. My needs swirled around in my head and flew out of my mouth like daggers. I wanted to stay home, save our money, sleep in our comfy bed, distance myself from mosquitoes, bears, and anything else with the capability to crawl on or eat me.  

In all my frustration, I was still reminded of the black diamond and what it symbolized. For the first time in this predicament, I put my needs aside and thought of what Vinnie’s were: to spend time with family whom he hadn’t seen in over six months, to adventure with his wife, who has never been camping before, to see beautiful sights, to wake up beneath gorgeous redwood trees.

So we booked our flights, packed our bags, and hit the road. When we were greeted at the campsite, I was surprised to instantly feel at ease. I ended up enjoying the hikes, fires, and meals, and I’d also like to point out that nothing crawled on me and I was not eaten by a wild animal. Only by grace, was I able put my needs aside in this situation and love my husband despite my fears. God met me in my fear, and blessed those days we'll cherish.

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Lindsay Trezza is the owner of Just Love Prints, a graphic design and watercolor shop. A lover kickboxing, finding treasures at yard sales, and frozen yogurt, she lives in a tiny town in Connecticut with her husband and family.

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Consider a Betrothal Ceremony: What it Is, Why it's Significant + How to Plan One

DOMINIKA RAMOS

An audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast on 10/20/2020.

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When my husband and I became engaged, we decided to have a betrothal ceremony. At the time, we knew very few couples who had had one, and fewer people still who knew anything about it. 

A betrothal ceremony, or a Rite of Betrothal, is the traditional way of becoming officially engaged in the eyes of the Church. It's a short but beautiful ceremony, in which the couple solemnly pledges to marry one another on a specified date. We were drawn to the ceremony for several reasons:

image: Jiza Zito

As a blessing for our engagement.

My husband and I were both in school during our engagement. In the midst of scouring the web for bridesmaid dresses and trying to keep up with reading for class, it was a lovely pause in our lives to solidify our response to the call of marriage and receive graces that helped make our engagement a period of deeper spiritual enrichment than it might have felt otherwise. 

One element I particularly love about the Rite is that it includes a blessing over the engagement ring. There's a temptation as a newly engaged young woman to scrutinize and compare rings with other engaged friends, yet having your ring blessed can be a powerful reminder to reject comparison. It's a gift to receive your engagement ring again after the ceremony, now transfigured by the blessing into a sacramental. These days when I'm changing diapers or washing dishes and catch a glance of my sacramental engagement and wedding rings, it serves as a reminder to say a quick prayer for my marriage and family. 

As an opportunity for our families to come together to celebrate our engagement.

We tried to keep things simple in planning our wedding, so our betrothal ceremony became the perfect opportunity to get our families together in lieu of having an elaborate engagement party. If you or your fiancé come from a family that isn't particularly religious, the ceremony can be an opportunity to express to them your belief that marriage and family are founded on, and strengthened by, faith.

As a reflection of how seriously we took marriage.

Far more than being a nice thing to do, a Rite of Betrothal contractually obligates the engaged couple to be married on a specific date. What the man has proposed to the woman then becomes a binding agreement, which, if the engagement were to be called off, would have to be formally dissolved by a priest. Thus, for the couple and for the witnesses, the ceremony sets the tone for the gravity of marriage as not merely a declaration of love, but a profound covenant wrought by God.

Betrothals can be as elaborate or as simple as you wish. We held our betrothal ceremony after our parish's Saturday Vigil Mass in the small chapel where we'd gotten engaged, with only our immediate family members present. However, another bride I know had hymns, flowers, formal invitations, and a guest list of fifty.

You might have yours after Sunday Mass with family members and your bridal party and go out to brunch afterwards. You might have a larger ceremony and have a reception in place of an engagement party. Or you might have it at your parents' home, with a private Mass and an intimate dinner, if you have a family friend who is a priest.

Unless your priest is familiar with old and somewhat obscure devotions of the Church, it's likely that he won't have heard of a betrothal ceremony. The priest who did our ceremony (and later celebrated our marriage) happened to be a zealous convert to the faith, so he was thrilled when we introduced him to this tradition. If you're met with hesitation, seeking out a priest who is more comfortable with traditional liturgical practices might be the way to go. 

Engagement is frequently seen as a frustratingly harried waiting period, but it's not. It's a pilgrimage. And a betrothal ceremony is a holy seal and blessing sending you on your way down the path to your vocation--down the path to greater union with God. In a world where the meaning of marriage is constantly misshapen to fit personal desires, a betrothal ceremony is a beautiful and bold way of witnessing to the truth of God's design for this sacrament.

The text for the Rite of Betrothal can be found here.

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Dominika Ramos is a native of Houston, Texas though she dreams of spending her days frolicking in the English countryside. She and her husband met at the University of St. Thomas, where she studied English literature, and they were married at the Cathedral of Our Lady of Walsingham on the Feast of the Visitation in 2014. Her life is currently composed of running Pax Paper, a hand-lettering and illustration business, blogging about the transcendental aspects of motherhood (among other things) at A Quiet Quest, and chasing after her rambunctious and delightful toddler son.  PAX PAPER | BLOG | INSTAGRAM

Rosie + Tyler | Fall Yacht Club Wedding

Rosie and Tyler grew up in the same Florida suburb and were classmates all the way up through their high school graduation, but they didn't get to know each other--or begin dating--until college at the University of Florida. Tyler knew early on that Rosie was the one. After finishing his Masters at the university, Tyler moved back home to work, while Rosie worked on her doctorate. She'd wonder now and then whether Tyler would propose sometime during the final year of her program.

Much to Rosie's surprise, it was during her penultimate year in school that she came to visit Tyler one late summer weekend. He'd decided shortly before her arrival that it was the perfect time to ask Rosie to be his wife, yet hadn't decided exactly how he'd ask. In his nervousness, Tyler accidentally spilled a bottle of blue curacao all over his carpet.

One freshly steamed carpet later and off on their planned weekend trip to a concert, Tyler covered Rosie's eyes around sunset and told her he had a gift for her. When she took off her blindfold, there he was, one one knee, asking her hand in marriage.

From the Photographer: They met in elementary school, attended the same high school, and are now alumni from the same college. When love is meant to be, it will be. 

Rosie and Tyler dreamed of a small, intimate, and elegant wedding day. Rosie has always loved the fall and used the rich colors of the season as her inspiration. The floral arrangements included the most beautiful calla lilies, roses, dahlias, wax flowers, scabiosas, and sunflowers in shades of burgundy, terra cotta, burnt orange, and yellow. Warm, inviting and captivating--the perfect setting for God's love to be shared with family and friends.

Their wedding mass was beyond beautiful. The splendor of God's glory was reflected not only in the brilliant fall foliage and florals adorning the church, but in the sense that the Holy Spirit was truly present.

Both families were so filled with love, radiating what it meant to be united in Christ. But one family member in particular stood out: Rosie's father, whom she obviously takes after. You could just see that his heart was so filled with love, peace, grace and joy on his daughter and new son-in-law's wedding day. As we captured moments of Rosie and her dad interacting, their bond gleamed so brightly. During their Father-Daughter dance, I could feel God saying, "I love you all that much. And more." What a beautiful representation of fatherly love.

Photography: Horn Photography & Design | Church: Espiritu Santo Catholic Church, Safety Harbor, FL | Reception Venue: St. Petersburg Yacht Club, St. Petersburg, FL | Flowers: 2Birds Events Floral Studio | Bride's Dress: Maggie Sottero | Bride's Shoes: Stuart Weitzman | Rings: David Yurman | Bridesmaids' Dresses: Bill Levkoff | Groom's Tux: Men's Wearhouse | Groomsmens' Tuxes: Men's Wearhouse | Cake Baker: Bella e Dolce | Hairstylist/Makeup Artist: Lili's Weddings | DJ: Grant Hemond of Grant Hemond & Associates

How to Talk About Cohabitation, Part 2 | Unexpected Ways Chastity Can Prepare You for Your Marriage

STEPHANIE CALIS

Two weeks ago, we started a discussion on what it means to evangelize your wedding guests by choosing to wait until after the wedding to live together. The first post in this series described what that kind of evangelization actually looks like, alongside tips for engaging your friends and family in productive conversations about cohabitation. We're concluding these posts today with points to consider in your own relationship and in preparation for the everyday of uniting your life, your habits, and your belongings with someone else's.

Chastity is creative.

Whether a couple is practicing chastity or not, the implication with living together is that they are having sex. For the couple who is having sex, the emotional and physical bond it creates can make it harder to see the relationship with clear eyes. “Whenever a person is sexually involved with another person, neurochemical changes occur in both their brains that encourage limbic, emotional bonding...Two people may decide to have sex ‘just for the fun of it,’ yet something is occurring on another level they might not have decided on at all: sex is enhancing an emotional bond between them whether they want it or not.” For the couple who is abstaining from sex, there's not really a way to convince people outside the relationship that they are living together, but not sleeping together, creating an occasion for gossip and scandal.

Chastity, which differs from abstinence in part because it doesn’t end in marriage, is creative. It demands radical sacrifice and bears a life more fully and freely lived, and it challenges and encourages you as a couple to express your love in ways beyond the physical.

How to practice for married life, without moving in together

Take the matter of how to practically prepare for married life, for instance. While some put forth that moving in together is a way to “test run” your potential marriage and determine whether you’re compatible in your living habits, I’d argue there are plenty of creative alternatives to practice for your future roommate status, including cooking, completing wedding projects and DIYs, and building furniture or making improvements to your future home together. Activities like these offer a glimpse of how your future spouse deals with mental or physical challenges, differences of opinion, and the tension between collaborating or pursuing tasks independently. Chances are, they'll also hold up a mirror to how you handle these same concerns.

What’s more, working on projects and small daily tasks together during a time when you are proximately preparing for marriage takes the “test” aspect out of “test run.” Although discernment doesn’t necessarily end at engagement, the two of you have made a commitment to each other. What that looks like, practically speaking, is a level of respect and permanence that wasn’t there before. The “test” or “trial” mentality tends to cultivate a sense of waiting for the other person to make a mistake or to cast doubt on your certainty, rather than call to mind the strengths of the other and encourage honest discussion of areas in which the both of you can call each other on.

Constantly purified

If you’re reading this and you are living with your fiance, believe that the Father knows your heart and the intentions behind that choice. He loves you so tenderly, desiring only your best good in a specific, personal way. It’s not too late to change your living arrangements before your wedding or to make the choice to abstain from sex until you’re married. It’s a bold, hard, and possibly inconvenient choice, but one that will strengthen your marriage before it starts by refining your ability to lay your desires down for the sake of the other. Bear in mind, as well, that some dioceses require couples to live apart for a certain period before the wedding as a part of their marriage preparation.

No matter what their living situation and what path they’ve been on, every couple’s path to the altar is a constant purification, constant fire. Whatever yours, know you don’t walk it alone. There is sweetness in the Cross’s heaviness, because on the other side lies immeasurable rejoicing. Living out our identity in Christ and our sexuality as they are meant to be lived makes us free. And freedom is for love.

We're eager to continue this conversation. Is there anything we've left out, or anything you'd like to add to the matters of chastity and marriage prep discussed here? What has your experience been of preparing for married life in the everyday?

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Engagement is a Teacher.

CHELSY TRACZ

To the recently engaged bride-to-be whose engagement has been hardly a Jane Austen-esque dream: you are not alone.

If you’re anything like me, you assumed your engagement would be the most joyous period of your life thus far. So what does it mean when your period of betrothal falls short of your expectations? My proposal and early engagement was indeed beautiful, special and meaningful, but it was hardly the idealized vision I had built up for so long.

Photography: Noteworthy Expressions

My fiancé and I had been seriously discussing marriage and discerning our future together for several months. Things began to move forward and we started ‘window shopping’ for rings last December. I finally allowed myself to begin my own Pinterest wedding board, complete with dresses, tablescapes, colors and centerpieces. By the time March rolled around, I was impatient, to say the least.

When he finally did drop to one knee, the moment was beautiful, yet it wasn’t at all what I thought it would be.

The day of my proposal, which incidentally happened to be my birthday, was only a week after the death of my dear grandfather.

I was still reeling from the week before, spent at home helping make funeral arrangements and caring for my family, while still trying to cope with my own grief. I was in the middle of my last semester of graduate coursework, and I had days of reading and assignments to catch up on, as well as a fast-approaching publishing deadline. We had even planned to stay home the night of my birthday so I could spend the evening catching up on work.

So when my fiancé's knee hit the ground, I didn’t get the exact feelings and heart flutters I assumed are experienced by every other woman who has ever been proposed to. As the girl who breaks into tears over a sappy grocery store commercial (Publix, I’m looking at you) or an overly cheesy episode of Full House, I didn’t shed a single tear during the proposal.

And I couldn’t understand why.

Why wasn’t I overcome by emotion? Why wasn’t everything magical, sparkling and covered in tulle? Or, at least, why didn’t it feel that way?

The proposal was the last thing I expected that night, but it was also exactly what I needed. I said yes immediately and without trepidation. I remember telling my new fiancé that it didn’t feel real; that I couldn’t believe the beautiful ring on my finger was actually mine; that we were finally engaged. I kept repeating that the proposal hadn’t sunk in... yet. He joked that when it did, he hoped my answer would be the same.

His lighthearted quip actually revealed a deeper truth to me. Our engagement happened amidst tragedy and pain; sorrow and grief. In many ways, my heart couldn’t fully experience all the floating feelings that I was sure should accompany such a proposal.

But that’s just the thing: I was still able to say yes, confidently and wholeheartedly, even when my feelings and the circumstances weren’t exactly what I anticipated.

I was completely confident this was the man God had given to me to journey through life and grow in holiness with. As a result of prayer and God’s grace, I knew this was the man I was meant to love. Forever. Even when my heart didn’t feel the way I thought it should and my much-anticipated tears of joy were nowhere to be found.

The weeks following our engagement were filled with further challenges. One of my fiancé’s best friends and would-be groomsman died suddenly at the age of 26. For the second time in as many months, we found ourselves in the midst of tragedy and deep loss. Meanwhile, my husband-to-be was beginning a new job while I was preparing for final exams and trying to hammer out papers. Not to mention, together, we were struggling to make initial wedding plans and secure dates and venues.

Why was everything so hard?

Despite these difficulties, through our and love and commitment to one another, we were able to face each challenge together, offering love and support to one another when we each needed it most. We grew in patience, charity and sacrificial love, but it was far from easy.

During this time, it just so happened that my Facebook feed exploded with the engagements of several other friends and acquaintances. Apparently, it was the season. These other women all seemed to be visions of everything blushing brides ought to be. I was inundated with Pinterest-perfect images of bridal brunches awash with smiles and pretty pink hues. Meanwhile, I was struggling to get a halfway decent photo for our save-the-dates (and having more than one emotional meltdown along the way).

I kept wondering why my engagement experience was so different from the one I was “supposed” to have. Everyone else seemed to have it. What was wrong with me? Or worse, what was wrong with our relationship?

Just as comparison threatens to steal joy from so many parts of our life, so it is in our experiences as engaged women. When we begin to compare the gifts and graces God has given us--or the pains and sufferings He allows for that matter--we doubt ourselves, our betrothed, our discernment and our Lord.

Our engagement thus far has hardly been smooth, easy or ideal. But I have oh so slowly come to realize that this road, with all its bumps and the bruises it has caused, is truly a gift from God.

Our life together and our marriage will be far from flawless. It will be mired by selfishness and sin, yet redeemed by God’s abundant grace. Both suffering and joy will be constant companions. As my fiance and I prepare to enter into the sacrament of marriage, we continue learning to love, forgive, and surrender to the Lord with each new day.

In the Christian life, we are asked to endure the pain of a fallen world, constantly supported by the grace of God, who gifts us with joy to shore us up for the times of sorrow.

My engagement has taught me to look for the joy amidst the sorrows of this life--because one is seldom found without the other.

The marriage vows make this apparent. For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. If this is what we consent and surrender to, it is so very appropriate that engagement affords us the opportunity to start preparing to live the vows we will make to one another.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.” Feelings and emotions are fleeting, but the marriage covenant offers us a way to sustain what is most important, even when our hearts falter and our emotions succumb to our own selfishness and weaknesses.

When your engagement isn’t going as planned and you feel swallowed by the unavoidable wedding-planning woes, rejoice! The Lord has great plans for you, for your engagement and for your marriage. I’ll keep striving do the same when I go through yet another failed wedding dress appointment, sub-par catering tasting or weather-ruined engagement photo session.

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About the Author: Chelsy Tracz is currently finishing her M.A. in Catechetics at The Catholic University of America and working for the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops in the Pro-Life Secretariat. She will marry her beloved on the Solemnity of the Annunciation in March of 2017. Chelsy is a Florida girl with a southern heart who loves long days on the beach, warm summer nights, a good cup of tea and snuggles with her nieces and nephew.  

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Elise's Wedding | Our Favorite Marriage-Prep Resources

SAVE THE DATE ... our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

(Photos: Meaghan Clare Photography)

Over the last few years, Hunter and I have developed our own library of favorite marriage and engagement-focused resources. I'm excited to share them with you today in anticipation that they bless you and your significant other, as well. 

The Temperament God Gave You/ God Gave Your Spouse by Art and Laraine Bennett: These books by a Catholic married couple, one a licensed marriage therapist and one with a Masters in philosophy break down certain tendencies, virtues, and weaknesses particular to the four temperaments of classical philosophy, with a solid spiritual element added in. They were so eye-opening to me! Although Hunter and I both agreed not everyone fits perfectly into the four temperament profile, it's is definitely a great place to start understanding yourself and your significant other in a deeper manner. 

The Jeweler's Shop by Karol Wojtyla: Not to be dramatic, but this is, hands down, my favorite piece of literature of all time. I first saw this play performed during my sophomore year in college and have read it at least five times since. I even wrote a paper on it in graduate school! The future JPII's play focuses on three different couples, all at different stages of their relationships. I can't recommend it enough! 

Three to Get Married by Fulton Sheen: This was also a very formative book for Hunter and me. Fulton Sheen taught at our alma mater, Catholic University, and was a brilliant priest. He talks about the ins-and-outs of marriage in a down to earth way while still communicating the mystery of the sacrament. 

Amoris Laetitia by Pope Francis: Hunter and I are currently reading this encyclical with our marriage mentors. After reading just the first chapter, I was completely blown away. The Pope definitely gathers the wisdom of the Church while also discussing the hardships and challenges that couples and families encounter as they live and breathe their vocation.  

Theology of the Body Institute: I haven't attended a course at the TOB Institute yet but I've had several friends attend and they have raved about it.

Through the Bible and Catholic tradition, Theology of the Body explains that our bodies reveal the deepest mysteries of God and humanity. 

Wherever you are in your faith journey, the Theology of the Body Institute is an awesome way for you and your fiancé to grow in your understanding of God's design for your marriage. 

Called to Love by Carl Anderson: I read this book while attending the John Paul II Institute, and it's incredible. If you don't have the means to attend the Theology of the Body Institute, I highly recommend Called to Love as a great alternative. Carl Anderson is the Supreme Knight of Columbus and makes St. Pope John Paul II's teaching on Theology of the Body applicable and accessible. 

By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride by Alice von Hildebrand: This book has made me feel much less alone during my engagement! The format is an older Alice writing to a new bride, Lily. Lily pours out her heart to Alice about newly married life. Lily's problems, fears and excitement are relatable, Alice's words refreshing and encouraging. 

Beloved by the Augustine Institute: Beloved is a 12-week DVD and study guide series for engaged or married couples. This is a great resource for education if you are your fiancé are looking to go a bit further in preparing for marriage or improving your relationship. Although Hunter and I haven't gone through the program personally, it's come highly recommended by several friends. It looks incredible and I'd love us to go through it eventually. 

The Little Oratory By Leila Lawler: One of my favorite books that I've read during marriage preparation! Leila is the mother of a college classmate and runs the successful blog Like Mother, Like Daughter. In The Little Oratory, Leila discusses how families can incorporate liturgical living into their everyday lives through prayer and intentional living. There are also beautiful icon images included with the book that make for a beautiful beginning to your own oratory. 

I'd love to hear your additions to this list! What are your favorite resources for marriage preparation? Share them in the comments below!

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About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

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How to Talk About Cohabitation, Part 1 | An Appeal to the Heart.

STEPHANIE CALIS

In an age where more than half of marriages begin with cohabitation and the majority of cohabiters view their living situation as a step towards marriage (whether that would entail a "slide" into marriage or an active decision), waiting until after your wedding to live together has come to be perceived as, at least, counter-cultural and at most, foolhardy. Well-meaning friends and family might receive news of your engagement with, "So are you going to move in soon?"

It's tempting to answer questions like these with an emphatic "Of course not," followed by a discourse on Church teaching. Honestly, though? That approach might not win many converts to your point of view; or, if not conversion, at least a clearer, more reasoned understanding of your views. Engagement is rich with potential minefields of moral questions from those you know, which also makes it rich with potential opportunities: occasions to truly listen to and see another and to defy stereotypes of what evangelization is all about.

Truth speaks for itself

I've become convinced that in many ways, the what of arguments in favor of the Catholic faith are secondary to the how of the way you present them. It's true that the Church's position on waiting until you are a married couple to act like a married couple is nonnegotiable. It's in the best interest of the person's capacity for virtue and true freedom. Yet often, appeals to authority and argument often aren't nearly as compelling as appealing to the human heart.

What I mean by an appeal to the heart is this: when you're living out your words, actions, sexuality, and identity as they're meant to be lived--that is, with the intention of cultivating authentic love and self-sacrifice, eyes fixed on heaven--there is something so arresting, so captivating, so eminently noticeable. In the case of engagement, a couple who chooses to forego convenience and to practice sexual self-control embodies self-gift. Their relationship witnesses to the truth of who we are, and the truth that joy flows from love’s demands. Love centered on Christ and on the other speaks for itself, all without saying a word.

A way to explain why you aren’t living together before marriage

But words are most likely going to come up at some point. So what's a faithful couple to say?

It’s possible to create a non-religious ethos without compromising your religious beliefs--after all, we as Catholics believe that the Father’s plan for our freedom and happiness aligns with natural law and natural virtue. When someone asks why you and your fiancé have chosen not to live together before marriage, consider asking him or her what the point of serious dating and engagement actually are. Once a relationship is serious, both people are committed to each other to some degree, whether that commitment has been communicated verbally or through an engagement ring.

If, during that time, the couple is preparing for the long term (in whatever way that looks like to them--cohabitation for many secular couples, and ideally not cohabitation for faithful ones), it's important to know what strengths and good qualities your partner possesses, and how their virtues will help you yourself to grow in virtue. Someone who opts to live together before marriage is essentially saying she is okay living and sleeping with someone she isn’t married to. A wedding ring won't automatically change that outlook.  

Granted, the likelihood of unfaithfulness in the context of this argument is a little extreme; there are certainly couples who live together and genuinely will good things for each other. Ultimately, though, the fact that your partner wants the fun trappings of married life but not the true commitment of having spoken marriage vows shows a lack of self-discipline and patience. Would most people want to be married to someone who could control their desires and say no, or to someone who couldn't?  

Choosing to wait until after the wedding to move in is a way to grow in that discipline and self-control. So, the point of a committed relationship isn't to see how much one can get from the other--the convenience, fun, and romance of living together before marriage, that is--but how much one can give, by loving selflessly.

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If you’re reading this and you are living with your fiancé, believe that the Father knows your heart and the intentions behind that choice. He loves you so tenderly, desiring only your best good in a specific, personal way. It’s not too late to change your living arrangements before your wedding or to make the choice to abstain from sex until you’re married. It’s a bold, hard, and possibly inconvenient choice, but one that will strengthen your marriage before it starts by refining your ability to lay your desires down for the sake of the other.

Check back in two weeks for the conclusion of this post, including practical ways to practice for married life without moving in together or diminishing the virtue and true freedom found in chastity.

Meantime, dialogue is so needed in this commonplace conversation, and we'd love your input: in your experience, has the question of cohabitation come up from friends and family members? Anything you'd like to add on the question of how to witness to the Catholic faith in an authentic way and how to answer questions about why you're waiting to move in together?

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Vendor Spotlight | Du Castel Photography

Real, free emotion on your wedding day--a first look steeped in joyful tears; the body language of a bride and groom with their backs to the camera, anticipating the lifetime that lies ahead; a whispered word during a first dance and the smile it incites--is fleeting. That's why wedding photography is so precious and enduring.

Brad Burckel, the owner of Du Castel Photography, was a hobbyist photographer until friends asked him to shoot their wedding four years ago. Since then, he's captured nuptials throughout his home state of Alabama, as well as other weddings on a national scale. Married for seven years and motivated by the beauty of their own wedding day, Brad and his wife Mary Margaret run Du Castel together. Equipped with a still-fresh sense of how and why to cherish your wedding photographs, he works behind the camera and her on social media. They've entrusted the business to the patronage of St. Joseph.

Brad combines photojournalism with simply posed portraits and close-ups, film with digital, and color photos with black and white to produce fine art-style images that exude a gorgeously authentic timelessness. Down to the name of the business, inspired by Brad's grandmother's French maiden name (it's derived from "of the castle") there's a tangible sense of something classic about his work. Flip through Brad's portfolio and that elegant, old-world sensibility is evident in every frame, yet what truly strikes us is the purity of emotion and candor in each shot.

The poet William Blake marveled at the reality that a human person can "Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand / And Eternity in an hour." That reality is so evident in the Eucharist, and before the altar at a nuptial Mass. To have that kind of transcendence, and all its accompanying emotion, captured on film is a gift of a miracle.

From Brad: I work very hard to produce the best possible photography collection for my clients, one that truly captures their love story. With that being said, I also believe that marriage is a holy Sacrament and I try to balance the photography with the importance of the day. My own wedding day was one of the most joyful days of my life and I want this to be the case with each couple. I also focus on providing a very natural experience, and producing photographs that those closest to you will treasure.

I've been inspired by our family trips to Europe, with all its history and beauty--especially in its cathedrals. My work is inspired by photographers such as W. Eugene Smith, Rodney Smith, and Steve McCurry. My goal is classic, elegant, natural, and authentic.

DU CASTEL PHOTOGRAPHY | Website | Facebook | Instagram

Let God Plan Your Marriage Prep: Concrete Ways to Prepare for Marriage Even Before Setting a Date

THERESA AKRE LANCHONEY

When my fiancé Andrew and I got engaged we decided not to set a date right away, concerned that as soon as we started planning the wedding day, our thoughts would become consumed with details and to-dos. We wanted to ensure we had time to focus on us as couple and prepare for our whole marriage, not just our wedding day. For us, we knew briefly holding off on choosing a date would safeguard this time in our relationship.

During this time of waiting to set our wedding date, we made a decision to spend those months pursue marriage preparation over wedding planning. But we needed to figure out what exactly that would look like: How would we prepare for marriage? How would we focus on our relationship?

Our diocese requires a pre-Cana program, yet we felt our engagement would additionally benefit from something richer. By the grace of God we were already working with a wonderful priest who will be officiating our wedding, so together we started researching books and programs. My fiance and I considered couples we admired and might like to sit down with, and we asked other couples what they did for their marriage prep. It wasn’t long before we were completely overwhelmed!

The Church is becoming increasingly aware of how crucial good marriage preparation is, which means there’s an increasing number of excellent books, programs, and other resources devoted to it. We really didn’t know how to choose, or whose advice to take, when we realized it: Who better to decide than God, our loving Father? So we started praying something like this:

"God you know us and what we need. We are overwhelmed by the amount of options to aid us in our marriage preparation. Please be the one in charge of this. Please plan out and show us what we should do. We trust you.”

Soon after beginning this particular prayer, things started falling into our laps. First, a friend told us about the book Spousal Prayer by Deacon James Keating, which encouraged and strengthened Andrew’s and my prayer life together. Then, the Theology of the Body Institute opened its first-ever marriage retreat to engaged couples, and a friend paid for us to go as an early wedding present. After that, Andrew was finally able to attend the Theology of the Body I Course at the Institute, which we had been trying to make happen for over a year. Both gave us a deeper understanding of what marriage and love truly are and require.

Then, friends called and said they were taking a Dave Ramsey class just down the block from where I lived; would we want to do it with them? We initially didn’t realize this was a way the Lord was preparing us for marriage, thinking it was a great excuse to see close friends on a more regular basis, and who couldn’t use a little help managing money? But, boy did God have more in store for us than that! This class didn’t just give us a little help. It taught us how to communicate about money and set us on a path to financial health and responsibility, giving us tools to stay on that path for the rest of our lives.

After all this, we discerned that the time was now right to start considering a wedding date and signing up for diocesan requirements. We registered for NFP and pre-Cana, which for our diocese involves attending Living a Joy-Filled Marriage and God’s Plan for Joy, two programs designed by Ascension Press. These programs provided so many necessary tools we will need for our marriage and helped us begin implementing things like charting my cycle and making important decisions together. It was around this time that we also set our wedding date! We are now living in the joyful tension of preparing for our wedding day and our marriage.

The only thing that still felt missing was a mentor couple. We had identified couples we thought might be a good fit for us and had approached a few of them, but nothing really panned out. Asking for mentorship, we learned, was a somewhat awkward conversation because we didn’t entirely know what were looking for, just that we wanted guidance and wisdom from a couple further along in the journey of their vocation than we were.

Then, while I was working on this very article, one of the couples we'd had in mind, whom we hadn’t spoken with, called me out of the blue and said something along the lines of, “Hey, my wife and I have been talking about how we would love to mentor an engaged couple and share some of the things we have learned. You and Andrew came to our hearts and we were wondering if you would like us to be a mentor couple.” I could hardly believe that after all the Lord had given us, he was making this so easy!

All this is certainly not to say that you cannot prepare for your marriage and plan your wedding at the same time, as we did at the beginning of our engagement. It is to say that I recommend taking the time to figure out what is best for you and your relationship and inviting the Lord into that process.

We want God, who is Love, to be a part of our marriage. This season of preparing for it has become a constant invitation to God into our relationship.

I hope that my sharing what the Lord provided for my fiancé and I introduces you to some resources that are new to you  and encourages you to rely on the Lord in preparing for your marriage. He truly can be trusted with every little detail in our lives. He desires so deeply to guide and provide for us, if only we come before him and ask.

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Theresa is the oldest of seven children. She graduated from Purdue University in 2010 with a degree in Youth, Adult and Family Services. Following graduation, she moved from Indiana to Pennsylvania to work for the Theology of the Body Institute and has been there since. She loves hiking, drinking coffee on the porch, sunrises, the ocean, Frank Sinatra, laughing and a good cocktail. She is engaged to marry Andrew on November 5, 2016 and asks your prayers over their engagement and marriage. INSTAGRAM

Maria + CJ | Romantic College-Town Wedding

Maria and Christopher (CJ) were members of brother and sister households at Franciscan University when they met their sophomore year. At the encouragement of their many mutual friends, they started dating a year later...just in time for CJ to spend a semester abroad. During their months apart, they wrote hundreds of letters, spent hours on Skype, and even more hours in prayer for their relationship. CJ proposed the following year.

From the Photographer: Maria and CJ's nuptial Mass was without a doubt the high point of their wedding day, and it was absolutely beautiful to witness. The Church was filled with their family and friends. The Mass was celebrated with obvious joy by their Bishop and six priests, including three Franciscan friars from Franciscan University.

Both Maria and CJ were active members in their respective households at Franciscan and since they were married in Steubenville, where the university is, most of their household brothers and sisters were able to attend the wedding. It was wonderful to see pews filled with their college friends actively participating in the Mass and tearing up during the most poignant moments of the day--even the men! The bride and groom both received T-shirts from each other's households as gifts. Their reception was elegant yet simple, filled with good food, energetic dancing, and abundant joy.

Maria and CJ left a large amount of time between the end of their nuptial Mass and the beginning of their reception. This allowed us to take all of the family photos in the Church without feeling rushed, and as the photographer, I had significant time to capture beautiful and intimate photos of just the bride and groom. When it comes time to create your wedding day timeline, I highly suggest consulting your photographer. Ask how much time they advise setting aside for portraits, and listen to their guidance. Allowing ample time for portraits is a sometimes overlooked, yet it's such an important part of your timeline!

Photography: Mary Kay Anthony | Dress: David's Bridal | Flowers: Kroger (assembled by the Bride) | Church: Holy Family Catholic Church, Steubenville, OH | Reception: Williams Country Club, Weirton, WV | Videographer: Kelly Butler | Cake: Gus's Goodies | Invitations: Natacha Scherf 

Editors' Picks | Vol. 3: Bridal Accessories

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon related.

Timeless or trendy, we get that it's the details that create a personal, unforgettable bridal ensemble. To dress and adorn yourself for your beloved is to make of yourself a gift. Though, of course, adornment isn't a requirement--you and your husband-to-be are self-gift in the sacrament of marriage simply because you are--choosing the jewelry, shoes, headpieces, bags, and other accessories that will accompany your gown is one of the most fun parts of planning. Each item you wear takes on the significance of something special. Not sure where to start? Here, from some retailers known and loved and some lesser-known treasures, a few of our favorites to suit a range of styles.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Hair Adornments by Twigs and Honey: Offering everything from a hair vine to a hair pin, these elegant adornments will create the flower crown look without going to the florist. Pair one of these dainty beauties with a simple, relaxed hairdo.

Shoulder Jewelry by Blair Nadeau Millinery: Have a simple dress and looking to add a bit more sparkle? I love these shoulder necklaces. Both delicate and ornate, shoulder jewelry is like the new bolero. 

Juliet Veil Caps by Erica Elizabeth: I am preparing a styled shoot for my business and have been eyeing these Juliet cap veils for a while now. I love how they are Shakespearean meets The Great Gatsby with a modern, ethereal twist.

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Andi, Public Relations + Vendor Outreach

Custom Family Rosary by Rosaries to Treasure: Have one custom-made with your husband's and you birthstones and that of your wedding month to carry in your bouquet, and later on, create one with the birthstones of your children! All of these rosaries are handmade and one-of-a-kind. I also love the shop's pearl rosaries for weddings and first communions.

Tieks! I jumped on the  bandwagon and bought a pair of their metallic gold flats. I live in flats. Between running around with my kids and at events I need a simple shoe that is comfy and can dress up or down. This is it. There are a ton of color choices; my favorites for brides are the ballerina pink and the bright aqua blue.

Silver Leaf Crown by Acute Designs: These crowns are handmade and so ethereal!

 Plaid Flannel Robe by Chez Blanc: Satin floral robes are everywhere right now, but now that it's fall and the weather is (supposed to be) cooling down, how about a cozy flannel robe? I love the checks combined with lace details.

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Stephanie, Co-Founder + Content Manager

Faux Fur Stole by Sheeta Design: For outdoor portraits at a rustic Fall or Winter wedding, the combo of drama and coziness is unbeatable. White is classically bridal, but my pick would be the tan shade for subtle contrast and a versatility that extends beyond wedding wear.

Marchesa Sunrise Cluster Earrings: I think the rose gold engagement ring trend is just beautiful. These statement studs, with stones in different blush hues, add warmth and sparkle that complements both rose and yellow gold rings. They'd be gorgeous as part of a vintage-inspired or classic ensemble.

Jack Rogers Eve Sandals: Although I've lived elsewhere, I'm a born and bred East Coast girl with a forever love for preppy-inspired footwear. Jackie O. popularized the Jack Rogers brand's classic Navajo sandals, which lots of brides choose, with good reason! But I like the delicacy and bit of height this Eve style offers for a bridal look--a twist on timeless.

Lace Bandeau by Blush Fashion: Filling in a low sweetheart neckline or paired with a high-waist skirt and sheer blouse as part of a multi-piece look, this handmade lace top, with its pretty floral pattern and delicate scallops, can be worked into your ensemble in multiple ways.

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Elise, Social Media + Marketing

Christianne + Ruthie Flats by BHLDN: I bought my wedding dress from BHLDN, Anthropologie's wedding line, so I know I'll be returning in the spring to browse their wedding accessories. I've known for a long time that I'll be wearing flats on my wedding day and I'm eyeing these two pairs for their gorgeous sparkle! 

Embellished Exit Dress by Kate Spade: Planning to leave your reception in a dress other than your wedding gown? Kate Spade's bridal line never lacks cute and flirty options.

Personalized Bridal Party Robes by The Applewood Lane: There's no better way to start your wedding day than feeling pretty while getting your hair and makeup done with your bridesmaids. These particular matching robes come in such a rainbow of colors and personalization options that you're sure to find choices that match or complement your wedding colors.

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We love making new discoveries through each of you! Help our community grow and share some of the bridal accessories you have your eye on in the comments!

3 Thoughts on Being an "Older" Bride

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Most “older” Catholic engaged couples--and their well-meaning family and friends--could easily articulate the downsides to getting married later in life: you’re more set in your ways, you're likely to have more relationship baggage, you have fewer years in which to have children, it’s more difficult to merge your lives together when you’ve been single for so long...

As a 32-year-old, recently engaged Catholic, I’ve meditated on--and sometimes been a bit freaked out by--all of these factors. At the end of the day I always come back to Pope St. John Paul II’s famous dictum: “In the designs of Providence, there are no mere coincidences.”

Photography: Zélie Veils

As much as I lamented being single, to varying degrees, over the past decade, I’m deeply grateful for the fact that I’m getting married at this point in my life. Not because I think it’s crazy to get married young; I have many dear friends and family members who married fresh out of college and in their early twenties. It's because I wasn’t in a position, emotionally or spiritually, to get married right out of college at 22. And so, in an effort to encourage my fellow Catholic brides in their 30s, and my friends who are still waiting for their future husbands, I present to you:

The Three Best Things About Being an Older Catholic Bride:

I’ve been to a LOT of weddings.

I don’t know if I could accurately count how many weddings I’ve been to since my college graduation, but it’s definitely in the double digits. I do know that I’ve been a bridesmaid in six of those weddings and have spent thousands of dollars on flights, dresses, and gifts for the couples whose nuptials I’ve helped celebrate. Some of the weddings were over-the-top platinum style and others were potlucks. I’ve seen everything from horse-drawn carriages transporting the bridal party to the reception site, to professional dancers performing at the reception, to the bride and groom taking the stage to perform with their own band. I’ve been to breathtakingly beautiful nuptial Masses, complete with full-on choirs, and to ten minute-long non-Catholic weddings that began with a slideshow of the couple (no joke).

At this point, it feels like I’ve seen it all. And that is a huge blessing--not only because I’ve been able to celebrate with so many people I love, but because I have a much better idea of what I want and don’t want to do at my own wedding. For example, I’ve been part of quite a few bridal parties that were so large it was impossible to remember everyone’s name, let alone have a peaceful pre-wedding time with the bride. So I opted for a family-only cohort of bridesmaids: just my two sisters, my sister-in-law, and my cousin-who-might-as-well-be-my-sister. I love that they already know each other, I can trust them all to pick out their own dresses because they all have great taste, and that I won’t have to fight them on any bachelorette party details.

I have lots of married friends.

It sounds trite, but I have learned so much from my married friends and siblings. Attending their weddings, spending time with their families, and babysitting their children has been an educational experience par excellence. My sister (married 7 years; three girls) and my dear friend (married almost ten years; two boys, two girls, and one on the way) get the biggest shout-outs here, because they have shared more with me about their struggles and joys as married women raising little ones than anyone else.

I love that I can ask these women anything and get an authentic answer without the sugarcoating. They love being moms and wives, but they are real about the hard stuff--and there’s a lot of hard stuff! Thanks to them, and all of my married friends, I’m much less naive and unrealistic about marriage and motherhood than I used to be (let’s just say that hyper-idealized romantic comedies were not my friend as a teenager and young twenty-something). I think these encounters with reality, the joy and the struggles, will be really helpful once I do get married and (God-willing) have children of my own.

I’ve had more time to work on my stuff.

From my point of view, this is by far the best thing about being 32 and about to get married. Back when I was 22, even though I desired marriage more than anything else in the world--which was symptom of my emotional immaturity--I was in no way, shape, or form even remotely healthy enough to unite my life to another’s. I think I knew this on some deep level, but when you watch so many of your dear friends enter joyfully into marriage right out of college, it’s hard not to think your ship has sailed and you’re doomed to roam the planet alone forever.

The thing is, though, I was wrong. I wasn’t doomed. And I wasn’t ready. Not even close. The Lord had a journey for me to go on, and lots of therapy for me to do, and he wanted me to do it without a husband and children in the mix.

All of this being said: I know lots of women who got married young and who have had beautiful, happy marriages. They grew up and went through the craziness of their 20s with their husbands, and often children, in tow. That was part of God’s plan for them, and I’m so thankful for my friends who began the adventure of marriage in their twenties, because they’ve paved the way for my fiance and me, and for countless other “older” Catholic couples.

I didn't meet my fiance Kristian until a month after my 31st birthday, and a couple of months after his 40th. We had a whirlwind courtship and got engaged a few weeks shy of our six month anniversary. As counterintuitive as it may sound, it doesn't feel like we're rushing into anything; the pace of our relationship has always felt natural. But as most "older" couples will tell you, the cliche "when you know, you know" rings truer when you've had longer to get to know yourself apart. Only July 28th, 2016, I was able to say Yes to Kristian with a depth of conviction 22-year-old Christina wasn't capable of, and for that, I have the Lord and his mercy to thank.

After a decade of prayers, tears, and hoping against hope, and the past seven months of living the answer to those prayers, I am confident that if you approach your vocation with prayer and openness to God's will, He will give you what you need at the proper time. Whether you're 32, or 22, or 42, and regardless of how much (or how little) you and your fiance have been through before you meet, the Lord can make something beautiful out of your union. I hope and pray that Kristian’s and my marriage will be a sign of hope to many, and that we can help build up and encourage our single and married friends through our Yes to the Lord on December 29th.

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Christina Grace Dehan is a catechist, high school theology teacher, freelance writer, and lover of beauty. She lives in Austin, TX and can't wait to marry her wonderful fiance Kristian in December. She blogs at The Evangelista, where more of her love story is published. BLOG | TWITTER | INSTAGRAM