Why a Christmas Octave Wedding is a Beautiful and Unique Choice + How to Plan One

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MARIAH MAZA

 

On December 30, 2017, I entered into a mystery, the sacrament of holy matrimony, with my high school sweetheart and love of my life--only five days after Christmas and one before New Year’s Eve!

I never thought I would get married during the Octave of Christmas, the period of eight days after the second highest solemnity of the Church: the Nativity of our Lord.  

In fact, the end of December was far from my first choice. I had begun blissfully imagining a spring or summer wedding, since winter was my least favorite season. Unfortunately, my college schedule and that of my fiancé, who went to school two hours away, made it one of the few available weekends. So I reluctantly agreed. Our engagement was already going to be 18 months long, and after seven years of dating I couldn’t wait any longer to finally be married.

At first, I was afraid that a “Christmas” wedding would feel like one more holiday event for my family members to drag themselves to after the exhausting celebrations at the beginning of the same week. My wedding, the happiest day of my life, was about to be sandwiched uncomfortably between Christmas and New Years.

Fortunately, I was very wrong! And as my nuptials loomed closer and the planning progressed, the more excited I became about my winter wedding. In his generosity, almost like a divine wedding present, the Lord surprised me with a gift I didn’t even know I wanted.

So if you are still trying to settle on a date for your big day, and the Christmas season is one of your only possibilities, here are five reasons a Christmas wedding is a beautiful option:

The holiday cheer and festivity.

This one element of the season, which I thought would most distract myself and everyone else from the actual wedding, was ultimately one of the best parts of getting married right after Christmas. As I opened presents, feasted, and spent amazing quality time with my family and soon-to-be in-laws, the excitement of my wedding coming only a few days later heightened the Christmas joy to a level I had never felt before. I celebrated knowing our families would soon be united forever by my marriage, and that thrilled me.

I drifted from the celebration of the Incarnation, Jesus Christ made flesh, to the celebration of another kind of incarnation: my husband and I made one flesh.

Advent.

The liturgical season leading up to Christmas is a time of preparation and joyful anticipation. What better way to spend the last weeks before your wedding than in a spirit of stillness and anticipation with the whole Church?

When wedding planning gets stressful and chaotic, take this time of Advent with your fiancé for extra spiritual preparation and intentional silence. This prayer time and reflection will benefit you greatly the day after the wedding is over, and the lifelong marriage covenant begins.

The church is already decorated.

Who doesn’t love to save money? Decorations are a major part of wedding planning that can easily cost thousands of dollars, especially between beautifying a church and a reception venue. When you choose a church, keep in mind that during the Octave of Christmas, a lot of flowers, lights, and trees (and possibly a beautiful Nativity scene) will still be up for Christmastide. Besides Eastertide, this is one of the weeks the inside of a church is most beautiful.

If you are beginning to plan more than a year before your wedding, go check out how the local Catholic churches are decorated for Christmas. You may not only save on flowers, but someone else will have done the work of decorating days before your wedding! Scratch that off the list.

Christmas music!

There is something about Christmas music that is both incredibly special and nostalgic. Most people have at least one or two Christmas hymns that they look forward to singing and hearing every year. If you are planning your liturgy during the Octave of Christmas, you may have the unique opportunity to choose favorite Christmas hymns for the nuptial Mass.

What would it be like to hear a rendition of “What Child is This” played after communion? Or “Joy to the World” as the recessional song, as you walk out of the church as husband and wife for the first time? Some other ideas could be “O Holy Night,” “The First Noel,” or “O Come, O Come Emmanuel.” Check with your pastor or musicians to find out what kind of music is allowed or possible.

Winter and Christmas color schemes.

I admit my first choice for wedding colors was something more pastel and softly pretty that would go with the feeling of a spring wedding. But when I set my date for five days after Christmas, I felt like a spring color scheme would feel very out of place in a season of red and green.

I decided to do some research into deeper, more wintry color combinations, just for fun.

Think deep maroons, wine reds, emerald greens, dark navy blues, rustic browns, off whites, and silver and gold accents.

These colors together, in the right shades, were strikingly beautiful in a solemn and elegant way.

We decided on wine red, emerald green, navy blue, rustic brown, and gold accents. For a girl who prefers silver over gold in almost everything, I was surprised how much I loved the look of the glittering gold pieces in my decorations and wedding ensemble.

It is true, there are some drawbacks to planning a wedding during the Octave of Christmas: some guests may have been traveling, for instance, or maybe you live in a state where the end of December and early January is unbelievably cold, and a wedding during this time would mean being buried under feet of snow.

And yet, I have no regrets about my December nuptials. Looking back, I would not want to get married any other time of the year. Almost everyone we invited was able to attend, and nobody froze to death at the reception.

The day after our wedding was the Feast of the Holy Family, an extremely fitting celebration. On this day, my husband and I celebrated the miraculous creation of our new, little holy family for the first time.

Two days after our wedding, we started the new year as newlyweds. It was powerfully symbolic of the end of the first chapter of of our lives and the start of our vocation together.

Even if it never occurred to you before, consider the Christmas season for your I dos. I pray that as you discern the date for your wedding, you’ll be filled with the joy and peace that God loves to grant his children--should we seek it--every day of the year.  

Are you planning a December or January celebration? Find more inspiration here:

Winter Weddings | Holiday Weddings

About the Author: Mariah Maza is Spoken Bride’s Features Editor. She is the co-founder of Joans in the Desert, a blog for bookish military wives. Read more

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Jessica + Brian | Classic Winter Manor Wedding

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Jessica and Brian met at college in 2010. At that moment, they had no idea that seven years later they would walk down the aisle and enter together into the sacrament of matrimony.

It only took a couple months of dating to realize their mutual desire for marriage, but different career paths and an uncertain military schedule kept Jessica and Brian apart. This only grew their desire to be united in marriage, and Brian finally proposed to Jessica in March 2017.

On a magical, snowy day in a beautiful chapel, the happy couple celebrated a winter wedding.

From the Bride: Brian and I both attended Mount Saint Mary’s University and were both business majors. We were in some of the same classes during our freshman year, but we didn’t meet until sophomore year in September 2010.

Brian introduced himself after my presentation during one of our business classes, and we spent some time together that weekend. We became quick friends, but he wasn’t looking for anything more than friendship at that time. As for me, I was open to the possibility of a relationship! So we continued to spend time together as Brian prayed and reflected about our future.

Three months after we met, he gave me a letter conveying all he had reflected on and asked me to be in a relationship with him. After only two months of dating, we knew one day we’d be husband and wife.

Over the next six and a half years, our love steadily grew through attending weekly Mass, praying together, and sharing countless memories.

We also identified our lay vocations and began our careers. As Brian started his time in the Marine Corps and I pursued a career in finance, we were separated for months at a time. This transition was extremely challenging, and I leaned heavily on prayer as I learned to trust in God’s plan.

Being separated by geography and Brian’s irregular schedule taught us not to take our relationship for granted. In March 2017, he proposed to me on the front steps of Mount de Sales Academy, my alma mater.

As we began planning, Brian and I wanted our wedding day to be centered on our love for God and each other. And we wanted each of our guests to feel this love coming through every detail.

Our celebrant, Father Thomas Haan, had been Brian’s college lacrosse team chaplain, a close friend and spiritual guide throughout our relationship. He celebrated our nuptial Mass on a beautiful, snowy December day at Mount St. Mary’s in the Chapel of the Immaculate Conception.

This was our favorite part of the day: the nuptial Mass and exchange of vows. As Catholics, making a commitment to God and each other in front of our families and friends was very important to us.

We also felt blessed to have our families involved in our wedding day in big ways. Brian’s aunt made the invitations, and my loving godparents provided my entire wedding ensemble. My godfather bought my veil, headband, and dress, and my godmother made my faux fur shawl.

Everything put together made me feel truly beautiful as I married Brian.

From Elizabeth, the Photographer: Shooting a lot of Catholic weddings, I hear a lot of homilies. But every now and then one of them forces me to stop and listen instead of moving around the church wondering what shot I should capture next.

Father Haan nailed it for Brian and Jessica! There was something so personal about his sermon. It was evident that he knew the couple well, and that he and Brian had a great relationship.

He highlighted how the Lord favors their union, specifically through the Blessed Mother's constant intercession for them.

Brian was born in Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital, and Jessica developed a strong devotion to Our Lady in high school at Mount de Sales Academy. Both Jessica and Brian chose to attend Mount Saint Mary's University. Then on December 9, one day after the feast of the Immaculate Conception, they were married in the Chapel of the Immaculate Conception at Mount Saint Mary's.

Father explained that it wasn't a coincidence their faithfulness to the Lord and his Blessed Mother was made visible in their union as husband and wife.

It was beautiful.

Photography: Elizabeth M Photography | Church: Chapel of the Immaculate Conception at Mount Saint Mary's University (Emmitsburg, MD) | Reception: Springfield Manor (Thurmont, MD) | Make-up: Autumn Estelle | Hair: Erica Noccolino Thorowgood | Bride’s Veil: Mon Cheri, purchased at The Bridal Boutique | Bride’s Headband: Morilee, purchased at The Bridal Boutique | Bride’s Dress: Stella York, purchased at The Bridal Boutique | Rings: King’s Jewelry, Alexandria, VA | Bride’s Shoes: Tieks by Gavrieli | Bridesmaids Dresses: Dessy, purchased at The Bridal Boutique | Caterer: The Carriage House | Cake/cupcake baker: Kupcakes &; Co. | DJ: Jack Seghetti | Planning: Ida Rose | Flowers: Shelly Black Custom Floral | Videographer: Jon Sham

On Advent and Waiting

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ALEXA DONCENCZ SMITH

 

It’s no secret: Advent is a time of waiting.

As a kid, I always looked forward to the week at Mass when the Little Blue Books would appear in the vestibule for Advent, free for the taking. In the weeks that followed, I was diligent in reading the reflections each night before bed, carefully absorbing every saint quote or nugget of spiritual wisdom. I was kind of a nerd, truth be told, but I loved the aura of waiting and preparation that always surrounded the weeks leading to Christmas.

As an adult, waiting can be a bittersweet subject. While anticipation breeds excitement, waiting for the things we desire isn’t always a pleasant feeling--especially if their eventual arrival isn’t guaranteed. Waiting for anything--from a vacation, to a promotion at work, to meeting one’s future spouse--is filled with a vulnerability that can give way to doubt and discontentment.

After spending a bit of time reflecting on Advent, it seems like no coincidence that the Church dedicates a whole season of the liturgical calendar to the meaning and purpose of waiting. Though it may not seem like it, waiting can be a blessing in disguise that can help guide us along the path to Heaven. Here, five ways we can benefit spiritually from this season:

Waiting provides the space for God to work.

Life can get so busy that it becomes easy to get caught up in our own plans, wrapped up in a universe of which we are the center. We have our days scheduled down to the minute and our calendars booked up for weeks, so it can definitely be frustrating when the unexpected comes in and messes with our carefully laid plans.

With our days are booked solid, spent constantly running from one obligation to the next, this doesn’t leave a lot of room for God to work in our lives. We might even find when we’re too busy, our meaningful attempts at prayer fall to the wayside. While God is always present, he often chooses to speak to us in the silence.

And if there’s no silence, or if our lives are just too hectic, we may miss our chance to hear him. Waiting has a way of slowing us down. The resulting pause can produce a helpful reorientation of priorities.

Waiting is an invitation to trust.

When our plans get stalled and things don’t happen how we think they should, it can cause disappointment and even helplessness. This is an opportunity to humble ourselves, remembering God is in control--not us). That there is a greater plan we cannot see; even if we’re confused about how things are going to play out, we know that the one in charge loves us and always wants the best for us.

Waiting forces us to be present.

Frustration with waiting can indicate that our minds or hearts have gotten ahead of us, and we’re trying to live in the future. Two years ago--ironically, during Advent--I was not-so-subtly waiting on a proposal. My fiancé and I had been dating for several years, and we’d had countless talks about moving toward marriage.

We both agreed getting engaged was our next step. But I felt this to the extent that I failed  to appreciate our relationship in the present moment. I had myself convinced nothing more could be accomplished in our relationship or preparation for marriage until we were officially engaged.

Waiting pulls us out of our daydreams about the future (sometimes not so gently), and challenges us to ask, what does God want me to do right now? 

As I  anxiously awaited my proposal, I believed--whether I realized it or not--that engagement was the next thing God wanted me to do in life. But maybe engagement and marriage were a few more bullet points down on the list, and he had other gifts and blessings in store for me first.

I could have easily missed how God was working in my life during that time because I had unconsciously tuned out the present, preoccupied with what I thought should be my next endeavor. Waiting can be a gift that keeps us living in real time.

Waiting is a reminder: our time is precious.

When we’re stuck in line at the grocery store or sitting in traffic, we have two options. We can either grumble and complain, letting our annoying situation get the best of us, or we can remember those very minutes are an irreplaceable gift from God. It might be challenging to view being trapped bumper to bumper on the highway as a gift, but these instances serve as a reminder that all our time is borrowed: it all belongs to God, and we should always use for good the moments of life he has given us.

Waiting gives us hope for a bright future.

When we are so stuck on achieving certain desires that we end up devaluing entire periods of our lives, or we begin to feel as though we are killing time to get to a particular accomplishment or milestone, we are called to remember something: God’s plans are higher than our own. God can give us gifts we never would have dreamed of. And yes: they’re even better than the things we’re pursuing for ourselves.

The feeling of waiting sometimes indicates our timeline doesn’t quite match up to God’s. Rather than giving ourselves over to despair, this is an opportunity to realize that God may be saying no or not yet to our prayers.

Because he might be about to give us something even better than what we imagined.

About the Author: Alexa is a 2013 graduate of The Catholic University of America, where she earned degrees in biology and psychology. Since 2014, she has served as the Assistant Coordinator for Youth, Young Adult and Family Ministry for the Diocese of Allentown. Alexa and her husband Patrick got engaged in December 2016, and were married in June 2018. Together they’ve enjoyed Cracker Barrel breakfasts, long walks around Barnes & Noble, and deciding which bridal expos had the best cake samples. Alexa's hobbies include writing, photography, and drinking coffee. 

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How to Practice Mental Purity in Your Marriage

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LARABETH MILLER

 

One of the things I appreciate so much about marriage is the complementarity of men’s and women’s brains. Our mental habits, influences, and motivations are so beautifully designed to support and unite.

Marriage has deepened my understanding of the male brain, and I’ve come to realize my husband often views the world from a single-track, logical perspective. In turn, I have also learned to understand my own mental habits. Though there so many beautiful strengths in the female brain, I have come to recognize the dangers that can arise with how I perceive my husband.

Early in our marriage, I wanted to do everything in my power to ensure our relationship grew. I wanted to understand him and give my husband everything (I thought) he needed as a man. But this became difficult when it came to discovering all the things about my new husband that I didn’t care for.

Before long, frustration crept in as we spent the next year learning more about each other. At times I wondered what was wrong with his brain as he shared some solutions, desires, and perspectives that were, frankly, foreign to me. Because I was a terrible communicator, I attempted to analyze him instead of talking to him. I came to my own conclusions fueled by strong emotions. Then something happened that I thought never would: I came, at times, to despise my new husband.

Whenever he did something his way, I thought he was being ignorant. If he was honest with me during one of our arguments, I immediately labeled him uncaring and selfish. If he didn’t make efforts to make me comfortable or happy, I would tell myself he didn’t really love me. I always made every attempt to determine what he needed from me, so why didn’t I get the same treatment? I went deeper down this rabbit hole, until gradually we weren’t on the same side anymore.

You see, this is an easy entrance for Satan to attack your marriage. We, as companions to our spouses, are gifted with the ability to consider our surroundings and relationships and come up with ways to make it better. Even if that is influenced by our need for control. But our husbands are not the same as we are.

My husband is driven by his desire to provide for me, even if that means using the most efficient and logical solution. He provided honesty in order to get to the point and come to a clear understanding. And he had no idea how to make me happy or comfortable because I had never told him! He thought he had taken care of me already by paying the rent every month and helping me with the grocery budget. But I was too deep into my own concocted contempt for him to see that he was trying to learn to love me the best he could.

So as Scripture says,

“With all vigilance guard your heart, for in it are the sources of life.”

Proverbs 4:23

The best way to ensure a sense of mental purity is to seek encouraging outside sources that draw you outside yourself. Whenever we bump heads or are both are going through a stressful times, I look for solid reminders of our path in marriage. I read books on marriage, I listen to good podcasts, or I journal how I’m feeling and look at it with a prayerful perspective. I reserve time, without distractions or stress, to have a conversation with my husband, making sure I put aside my assumptions and opinions. Above all, I take it to Jesus in prayer.

Consider, as well, that many women find it radically helpful to be able to speak about their struggles with a friend or family member, but there is a major trap that lies in this. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen one man torn apart by a large group of women who joined and supported the wife in her emotional misunderstanding. I’ve seen marriages torn apart  by a mob of supposed friends who convinced a woman her husband was a monster.

When considering a confidant, it’s important to choose someone who supports you and your husband as a couple. They should wish to see your marriage flourish the way God intended it to. This adviser should be able to take an objective, prayerful approach by considering the influences, strengths and weaknesses of each person. In my own life, I have carefully chosen a mentor who has been married much longer than I have. Each time we speak, I can recognize her deep love for Christ and her husband. I’ve come to trust her deeply because her advice leads me to regard my husband with holy empathy and self-sacrifice.

We are called to look upon our spouses with the same eyes God does; to recognize his goodness and talents. To forgive when mistakes have been made and allow for the situation to sanctify you both. You know well the reasons you chose your beloved. Remind him of your admiration as often as you can. Consider a devotion to the Divine Mercy or Mary, undoer of Knots, and trust the graces of the sacrament of marriage will support these challenging seasons of growth.   

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About the Author: Larabeth Miller is Spoken Bride’s Associate Editor. She is the owner of Graced by Color. Read more

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How He Asked | Olivia + Kyle

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Olivia and Kyle met at Franciscan University. Their chance encounter came after a powerful period of grace-filled healing for Olivia, who discovered it was possible to find complete satisfaction in the Lord’s love for her.

She met Kyle a few months into school, not realizing their paths would cross again later.

Then, a friendship that started at a Halloween party and several more coincidental meetings quickly blossomed into something much deeper. Within three months of dating, Kyle proposed to Olivia.

In Olivia’s words: I transferred to Franciscan University in the fall of 2017 to study theology. Up to this point, I never thought I would be a student studying under the great Dr. Scott Hahn, and I certainly never thought I would meet my future husband only a couple months later.

Then again, God does amazing things, especially when you give him everything.

At the very beginning of my first semester, I met Kyle. It was a very brief and less-than-impressive introduction. The two things I really noticed were his tall height and intense expression. Unlike myself, he didn’t seem like a very energetic person.

We wouldn’t see each other again until two months later. During these months, I experienced more spiritual and emotional growth than ever before in my life.

It was a profound time of reflection. I grew up Catholic, and ever since I was a little girl, all I wanted was be a wife and mother. I wanted to get married young and have twenty kids.

Unfortunately, a previous bad relationship had left me feeling lonely, insecure, and absolutely desperate for a fulfilling one. I wanted it to happen now. I didn’t want to wait, and had always ignored the nagging thought that maybe I wasn’t ready to meet “Mister Right” yet. Maybe I still had some work to do.

I had never considered that perhaps God had not yet fulfilled this desire because I was the one who wasn’t ready.

I was right. I started seeing a spiritual director who became a real father to me. He pushed me and helped me work on myself and my spiritual life. For the first time, I began to build a strong relationship with the Lord.

I learned how to trust him, I gained insights into myself that I never saw before, and I realized following his will meant giving everything to him—100% everything. I didn’t have to go searching for a guy, because I trusted that t God would orchestrate everything in the right time and manner.

Every single day, I prayed the same prayer: “Be Satisfied with Me,” attributed to St. Anthony of Padua, which I highly recommend. There’s a line that reads,

“Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.”

This was such a wonderful discovery for me, because it was the truth I needed to hear in that moment. It reminded me every day to be patient and content with God, to remember he would surprise me with a great love of his own creation.

With God, I finally had the fruitful and fulfilling relationship my heart was longing for. I had discovered peace, contentment, and joy like I had never felt before, and my soul rejoiced!

Then I went to a party.

It was a Halloween party that I attended with three roommates. That night, I met Kyle for the second time. To my shock, he was the life of the party: playing music, dancing, and encouraging everyone else to dance as well! He was not shy and so did not resemble the Kyle I had met earlier that semester.

As I sat on the couch watching everyone dance, I noticed how seriously handsome he was. And then he pulled me up to dance with him. I was so glad he did. Dancing and talking with Kyle, I enjoyed myself immensely.

In spite of this, I left that night still convinced that I would make it at least six months single, unless God made it absolutely clear that he had a different idea for me. He sure did.

What better time to surprise someone with the love of their life than when they least expect it?

The cool part is that Kyle and I happened to run into each other on campus every day for the next ten days. During these meetings he made me laugh hysterically, we shared great conversations, and a genuine friendship began to form.

When you build a friendship with someone, there’s no emotional or physical aspect to cloud your judgment. Kyle and I got to know each other in an authentic way, and for us, that’s how I felt it should have been.

But we were almost always with other people while hanging out, going to shows, and attending Mass. At the end of these ten days, I naively thought, “Is God trying to tell me something?” I’m sure he wanted to shake me and ask, could I make it any more obvious?! Because looking back, it is clear as day.

And so our friendship continued. Over the course of five weeks, it slowly began to progress, because we both knew there was something there.

Kyle is a very blunt man. At one point he mentioned something about us dating, and I was struck with the most bizarre mixture of excitement and nervousness. I began babbling and at one point exclaimed, “Yeah…I like football!” Which I don’t. But he does. So I said it.

I’ve never been one to get nervous, but that was the first time we’d said anything about dating, and the feelings I had for him couldn’t compare to anything I had felt before. I already knew I wanted to marry him.

Kyle and I both felt we were called to marry each other, but this went completely unspoken until December 3rd, 2017.

That night, we officially started dating. We stayed up for hours, declaring our feelings and intentions. We knew we loved each other. We knew we wanted to get married, and we finally got to say it.

We knew from the beginning that we both wanted a lot of kids and wanted to homeschool. We knew our Catholic faith was the most important part of our lives, and that we both wanted to strive towards sainthood. We didn’t have to compromise on the most important things, and no one ever should, because God doesn’t want you to.

Believe me, I never thought in a million years I would get married within one year of meeting someone. But God does amazing things when you align your will with his. He took my plans and exchanged them for something so much greater.

On December 3rd we started dating. On March 3rd we got engaged and were betrothed. On November 3rd of this year, we got married.

Kyle once wrote in a letter to me, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” But I don’t think God laughs at our plans because of how wrong they are. Our plans make him laugh because they are so small. He must think, why ask for so little when I have prepared so much?

So trust in God. Trust that he knows the perfect who, when, where, and how.

I found out later that Kyle had sought advice from Kimberly Hahn, who advised him to pray for “the presentation of your future spouse.” This happened only two weeks before the Halloween night when we met for the second time.

Pray for the grace to follow God’s will for you, because he already knows you and your future spouse so perfectly.

Never compromise and never settle, because the Lord wants more for you than that.

Let him fulfill the unflawed plan he has for you. A plan to ensure your utmost joy and journey towards sainthood.

“…until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with Me. And this is the perfect love.” -Be Satisfied with Me, St. Anthony of Padua

Photography: Andria Zutich

Meet Our New Team Members!

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As we at Spoken Bride look forward to continuing sharing the truth, goodness, and beauty of Catholic marriage in the coming year, we are grateful for each of you, the authentic, faithful women who support and participate in our mission.

Today, it’s our pleasure to introduce to you the newest team members who are joining us in carrying out this mission in a tangible way. Meet our Social Media Manager and Administrative Assistant!

Mary Wilmot, Social Media Manager

Though Spoken Bride launched after I was already married, I have been a reader from the beginning. I think my love for the Church’s teachings on marriage and family, not to mention Spoken Bride’s beautiful images, are what drew me in! I’m excited to join the team as Social Media Manager as I get to interact daily with a wonderful community of brides, readers, and talented vendors. As I start this new endeavor, I am most looking forward to growing my faith and my own marriage through deeper reflection on the sacrament of marriage.

I live in my hometown in Texas with my husband and two children. We actually live around the corner from my parents, in the same neighborhood I grew up in! Until recently, I served our parish as the coordinator of Religious Education, leading programs such as Catechism classes, First Communion, and Vacation Bible School. When I’m not homeschooling my four year old, you can find us meeting up for play dates at the park, zoo, or library. I also love to run, spend quality time with our extended families, and try new restaurants. I look forward to chatting with you!

 

Tasha Johnson, Administrative Assistant

Since the moment I encountered it, Spoken Bride has been a beautiful source of examples of how to discern and live out the sacrament of marriage in a radically faithful way. After walking with college-aged women for the past few years, I had been feeling the Lord tug on my heart to move in a different direction. I am thrilled to be joining the team here at Spoken Bride to help connect women with the resources they need to pursue their vocation as fully as possible.

I can be found in my native Minnesota, where I completed my undergraduate studies in Catholic Studies and Spanish Linguistics at the University of St. Thomas in 2017. I have since returned to their graduate school of theology to pursue my master’s degree. If not working or studying, I am always up for improvising new recipes, turning small errands into adventures, or hearing about the desires the Lord has been putting on others’ hearts!

I aim to follow St. John Paul II’s instruction to “be converted every day,” and am honored by the opportunity to do that alongside the beautiful women in this community.

Vendor Spotlight | Brit Valdez Studio

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Each of us is a pilgrim on a journey, bound for the same return home: heaven. Yet before meeting the Father face to face, every earthly journey looks different. Brittney Valdez, a photographer and artist based in San Francisco (and serving California, Chicago, Michigan, Nashville, New York, Miami, San Antonio, and London), has walked the path of adventure herself and cherishes the privilege of journeying with her clients throughout their vocations, offering engagement, maternity, and family photography on digital or film.

 Brit first picked up a DSLR camera at 13, on a family vacation in Spain. Her uncle, who owned the camera, began teaching her about aperture and taking clear, natural images of people in their daily lives. She was hooked: “Ever since that moment,” says Brit, I found I absolutely loved photographing people, and I wanted to make it a goal to capture them naturally, unposed and being themselves on my travels and in my own city.”

Brit later worked as a photographer and marketing executive at her college newspaper, which led to a job in marketing and sales at AOL. “I prayed about my vocation so much at this point,” she shares, “and I knew deep down in my heart that I wanted to continue pursuing a creative career. I stayed with AOL for a while to learn more about front-end business and sales, which also enabled me to travel extensively and really push up my photography skills, all of which was self-taught with the exception of one class with the LA Photography Center. This entire experience was invaluable to my business today.”

Fast forward several years, and Brit--a lover of extreme sports--fractured her tailbone snowboarding, destroying nerves in her spine and leaving her bedridden and struggling to walk. It was shortly prior to this time that Brit admits,

“I really started to pull away from my faith; I really just got lazy about Mass and personal prayer time and, quite simply, stopped trusting in Jesus' plan for my life. As soon as I got home from the hospital, I remember crying for hours and hours, seemed like days, because of the situation and wondering how the heck I got into this position. I just thought about how much on the brink of death I was and how incredibly blessed I was to still be breathing. The doctor said I could've been completely paralyzed from the neck down, or I could have died if I hit just a few nerves up from what had been damaged.”

A week into her recovery, Brit picked up a Magnificat missal and began daily morning prayers, desperately asking for the strength, courage and trust to be put on a path to live every day like it was her absolute last. The Lord wouldn’t leave her wanting.

In Brit’s words: Shortly after, I accepted a job at Google working in business partnerships in San Francisco. During that time I went on a three-week volunteer trip to Bali (booked while I was recovering in bed from the fracture) and met my future husband, Jose. I never stopped creating, traveling and praying: always picking up my camera to photograph the beauties of life ahead of me. I continued to paint like a madwoman. I embarked on many trips to far ends of the earth, and continued going to Mass and becoming involved in the San Francisco faith community.

[After three years at Google], I felt an extremely strong calling to leave my full-time job and start my photography and visual art business full time. In that same period, Jose and I got married; he is honestly my strongest advocate! I owe the strength, courage and trust completely to God, and how much he has led me since I fully gave my life to him. My faith 100% played a role in finding my way to my career.

As an artist, my goal is to capture life simply, extraordinarily and fully for what it truly is; to create photographs that breathe, that move, and that feel.

Along with that, I believe it is my work's mission to find and capture beauty and love in the world, to display it as authentically and wholly as humanly possible.

With that, I want to give clients my whole heart in order to capture their fullness and beauty. I make it a huge point to make my clients extremely comfortable to be completely themselves, whether that be adventurous, timid, courageous. I desire to capture them completely full of life.

 My life story, and God’s massive role in it, is the biggest inspiration for my work: to live life to the extreme fullest, to find the beauty in the everyday, to live with passion and surprise. On top of this, I’m inspired by my travels. I love traveling to remote areas of the world and exploring places never walked on, finding the surprising, hidden elements of the everyday and beauty in places I've never seen before.

The love my husband shows me every second of every day really drives me to capture whole-hearted love and the warmth of being enveloped by that love--to demonstrate the love God has for us through the love of our spouses and loved ones.

I thrive best--and I believe the Church does, too--when in community. A huge part I love about my job is that I get to grow with families--from when couples get engaged, on through maternity shoots, and finally through family photos. A goal of mine is to one day shoot engagement photos of a baby I photographed many years prior! I believe Spoken Bride helps foster that [sense of community] within the Church and between artists and clients. It's so beautiful. 

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An interview with Brit

 How does your Catholic faith play a role in your business? My faith community really drives my work, and in community I feel the most alive. I want my clients to feel this way when they’re with me, as if we are working in community. I work to be the most open, accepting and loving in my work with my clients, and in turn the most beautiful things happen on shoots. My Catholic faith plays the full role in fostering this sense of loving community, on and off set.

Favorite saints and devotions: My favorite saint is St. Mary Magdalene, and a saint that warms my heart is Saint Luke the Evangelist. Two of my most favorite devotions are John Paul II's Letter to Artists, (April 4, 1999) and the prayer of Trust in the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

 Favorite wedding day memory: Oh man, there are so many! One of my absolute favorites was walking down the long aisle at the Mission Basilica San Juan Capistrano with both my mom and dad on my arms, and seeing my husband's face—we didn't do a first look—as if he saw the most beautiful thing in his life. It was the sweetest ever, and I'm so grateful for our photographer, who captured the moment so purely!

 On my bucket list: Get my master's degree in Art Therapy and Studio Arts, learn a fourth language fluently and learn to play the violin, complete a residency in another country for painting or photography.

Favorite place I’ve traveled: We are big travelers over here! My husband and I absolutely loved South Africa, and got so immersed in the people there while working with a nonprofit in the Cape Town townships. Others at the top of my list are Indonesia (the surfing is amazing there!), Iceland, Japan, and Kauai.

 Music I love: I'm loving Mumford & Son's new album "Delta", Needtobreathe, Jake Bugg, Pink Floyd, The National, War on Drugs, Leon Bridges, Josh Garrels, St. Lucia, Temper Trap, and so, so many more! These artists are who I'm constantly listening to, regardless of the season.

Favorite food: I'm Peruvian-American, so I'm a little biased! I adore Peruvian food. My husband knows I adore a traditional dish called aji de gallina, but it has loads of dairy in it and I'm lactose intolerant. So one day I came home to find him stirring steaming Lactaid on the stove. Apparently he had been stirring the milk for 30 minutes at that point, evaporating the milk so he could make my favorite dish, which I hadn't enjoyed in many years!

 Coffee or tea? I stopped drinking coffee about seven months ago because it made me anxious, though I treat myself to a pumpkin spiced latte when it gets cold! Instead I make chicory root tea, which is herbal and tastes exactly like black coffee! I can drink it late at night with some warm milk and it won't keep me awake, which is a huge win.

Love means...sacrifice, unconditional care, and a full giving of yourself to another.

BRIT VALDEZ STUDIO | WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM

Danielle + Jeff | Latin Mass Fairy Tale Wedding

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We are honored by the opportunity to walk alongside you in this marriage ministry, from Yes to I Do and beyond, and we love returning to our couples' stories as they continue to unfold. If we've featured your love story in our How He Asked engagement series and you now feel called to share your wedding with us, as well, submission details can be found here.

Read more here for the story of Danielle and Jeff’s engagement, a tale of patiently growing attraction after Jeff discerned out of the seminary during their time in grad school.

Shortly after celebrating their first anniversary as husband and wife, newlywed Danielle reflects back on her wedding day with her husband, Jeff.

She says, “The memory of that special day is never far from my mind. I still recall something that our priest said during the homily at our nuptial Mass, which was, "Take this early time, this time in which despite whatever fears and anxieties you have, most everything that you dream of seems possible. And cherish that time."

For Danielle, the whole day felt like a fairy tale come true.

From the Bride: It was finally here! Friday, August 4th 2017. The day I had prayed and waited for my whole life, and it was such a beautiful day, with sun rays beaming brightly through the windows.

The bridesmaids and I got ready in the basement of St. John the Baptist Catholic Church, in Vermillion, Minnesota. The girls donned floor-length dresses in a rose-violet shade. My wedding dress was a pure white ballgown with a layered tulle skirt. It had a sweetheart neckline, overlaid with lace, and was cinched at the waist with a crystal belt. I had help fastening my cathedral-length veil and jeweled comb in my hair. The bridesmaids put on their veils and said a silent prayer over me.

Since Jeff and I were having a Solemn High Nuptial Mass, it was fitting for the ladies to also wear a veil, according to the reverence and tradition that we wanted to uphold.

The Extraordinary Form had become something special for Jeff and I throughout our relationship, and it was exceptionally meaningful for us to have it for our nuptial liturgy.

Throughout the morning, my soon-to-be-husband and I made sure we didn’t see each other before the wedding. We wanted to save that moment for the time I approached him walking down the aisle.

At 3 PM the choir chanted Atténde Dómine (Hear Us, O Lord) for the procession of the clergy, and the organist played Canon in D for the entrance of the wedding party. Just before my turn to walk down the aisle, the ushers closed the giant double doors that led into the church.

When the doors swung open again, I saw everyone. The church was incredibly grand and beautiful to behold. I stood there with my blusher draped over my face, holding onto my bouquet of white roses with Grandma Rother’s rosary wrapped around it.

This rosary was special because Jeff’s grandmother received it from her husband. She walked down the aisle with it on her wedding day, just like I was about to do.

My dad and I started walking down the nave of the church, and I saw Jeff standing at the end of the aisle. As we got closer, his smile turned into tears of joy. When we approached the end of the aisle, my dad lifted the veil from my face.

I took Jeff’s hand, and we ascended the stairs into the sanctuary to take our vows. In the tradition of the Latin Mass, the vows are said at the very beginning of the ceremony.

It was very special to be in the sanctuary. Traditionally the sanctuary is reserved for the clergy, but during the sacrament of holy matrimony the bride and groom are permitted to enter beyond the altar rail.

In that moment I felt so close to God.

Once we exchanged consent, Jeff and I joined our right hands, and he made his vow to me. We were asked to release our hands and then join them together again. Then I made my vow to him.

This act of joining, releasing, and joining hands again signified that our vows were made individually. We each had our own responsibility to the other.

At the completion of the sacrament, Fr. Byron Hagan, our celebrant, prayed over us and sprinkled us with holy water. The ceremony continued with the Mass after the Rite of Marriage, and it was absolutely breathtaking.

After the Gospel reading, Fr. Hagan gave an excellent homily and made powerful points about how society has made our generation fearful of marriage; that people today are not rising to the occasion to live out God’s calling in the sacrament of holy matrimony. They fear it is too much of a weight to bear.

“I want to tell you something today,” Fr. Hagan said.

“It is not too heavy for you.”

“Because you are Catholic, because you are confirmed, because you have been living your life with the Church’s faith, in penance, obeying the sacraments, and humbly confessing your sins before God.”

“You now have the power to do something which otherwise cannot be done: which in the deepest heart of hearts all of us desire, and increasingly in our time feel too weak to even approach...This power now is attached to you because of the sacrament.”

He continued, “Danielle, your task is to, in virtue of the priesthood of your baptism, help prepare your husband to see God...And Jeff, you have the responsibility, in a priestly way, by virtue of your baptism, to help prepare your wife to meet God. To help mediate the Lord Jesus Christ…This is your test for one another.”

While he acknowledged that the married state would bring challenges for us, he reminded us we must always remember the Divine Third in our marital union: God Himself.

The Mass continued with chanting and incensing of the altar. During the consecration the priest faced the altar and said the words of consecration silently over the host and chalice.

It was completely silent now in the church except for the bells that were rung three times during the elevation of each of the sacred species.

In keeping with the tradition of the Latin Mass, the altar rail was used for the distribution of Holy Communion. The communion hymn we choose was Adóro Te Devóte (I Adore You Devoutly), written by St. Thomas Aquinas and used as his private prayer during Eucharistic adoration.

After Mass, we got in the car and drove to the reception venue, a golf club.

The day before, our family had gone to the venue and decorated the tables with mirror and bud vase centerpieces. All of our guests had a stick of bubbles by their place setting, which was a fun and interactive way for them to participate in the grand march and the rest of the evening.

The final moment of the night was our first dance. During our engagement, Jeff and I had practiced for hours to master the waltz. And even though we had done it many times before, I was nervous having all eyes on us.

Jeff and I looked at each other intensely, counting the beats of the music in our heads. All of a sudden, the music intensified, and we were off. It was like I was floating on air, even though I was just trying to stay balanced in my high heels. I had never danced in my wedding dress before either, so it was quite a new experience.

But it was magical. It twirled around me gracefully across the dance floor, and I truly felt like a princess.

After dancing for a few seconds, I realized we were actually doing it. All of those hours of practice had paid off. We were dancing a beautiful waltz, and everyone applauded. It only increased their desire to get out on the dance floor later that night.

Although there were a few things that could’ve gone better, the vast majority of our wedding was a fairytale-come-to-life. It was a dream come true!

To all single women out there, waiting for their prince charming, please remember that this story is a testimony of years and years of prayers finally answered. God hears your prayers and knows the desires of your heart. He will answer them in his, time in a better way than you could ever possibly imagine.

In our first year of marriage, we developed a special devotion to Blessed Emperor Karl of Austria and his holy wife, Servant of God, Empress Zita. We look to them for their intercession in our marriage and for all married couples.

A quote we both appreciate from Blessed Karl was when he told Zita on the day after their wedding, "Now, we must help each other to get to Heaven." I am very blessed and thankful to have found a husband who also desires to lead me closer to Christ each and every day.

Blessed Emperor Karl and Empress Zita, ora pro nobis!

Photographer: Amy K Photography | Church: St. John the Baptist Catholic Church in Vermillion, Minnesota | Reception: Dakota Pines Golf Club in Hastings, Minnesota | Rings: Gittelson Jewelers in Minneapolis, Minnesota | Flowers: Flowers For All Occasions by Ginny Majeski in Hastings, Minnesota | Wedding Attire: Raffiné Bridal in Woodbury, Minnesota | Invitations / Save-the-Dates / Wedding Program: Created by the Bride, Danielle Rother | Caterer: Nicole Sindelar with Rudy’s Redeye Catering in Rosemount, Minnesota | Wedding Attire: Raffiné Bridal in Woodbury, Minnesota | Designer for Bride’s Dress: Stella York | Designer for Bridesmaid Dress: Kenneth Winston | Designer for Groom & Groomsmen Tuxedo Attire: Savvi Formal Wear | Bridesmaid Veil: The Veiled Woman | Cake / Cupcake Baker: Emily’s Bakery & Deli in Hastings, Minnesota | Hairstylist: Michelle Wilcox | Salon for Manicure and Pedicure: Spalon Montage in Woodbury, Minnesota | Disc Jockey: C & C Sound

Inviting God into your Wedding Planning Desires

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STEPHANIE FRIES

 

God created us, and he creates our desires to point us towards goodness, beauty, creation, and virtue. When we are attentive to our desires--both the lighthearted and the deepest desires of our hearts--Christ can teach us something about ourselves or about himself. (Or really about anything, because he is God.)

Does your season of engagement feel overwhelming and distracting due to stress or expectations of wedding planning? With a prayerful approach, the desires and details in our wedding planning can become a sacramental aspect within the sacrament of matrimony. When we seek God in our desires, the smallest wedding details can give visibility to a truth of our faith, to our relationship with Christ, or to the deeper desires of our hearts.

The sacramental aspect of our Catholic faith describes the ways physical objects make an invisible truth visible. For example, water is the physical object signifying the spiritual cleansing, or rebirth in Christ, through the sacrament of Baptism. In marriage, the first night together as husband and wife, and every act of love thereafter, makes tangible the unifying vows of the sacrament of Matrimony.

So how do we uncover the deeper meaning of our desires in wedding planning? How do we tune in to the songs our hearts are singing?

First, we have to know what we want. In the gospel of John, the first question Jesus asks is, “What do you want?” It’s not a selfish question to ask ourselves, especially when we are striving to know ourselves and know Christ in a pursuit of holiness.

Despite how clear your vision for your wedding day might be, consider pausing to journey into that vision with God. Invite God into your head and your heart and ask yourself, “What do I want to see at my wedding?” Note the first things that come to mind. Is it a specific flower, color scheme, or song? Is it a desired anticipation for how a moment will play out?

Perhaps a surprising  answer will pop into your mind! In those moments, you can certainly say “hello” to the Holy Spirit who is guiding your heart.

Perhaps answering the question “what do I want?” is challenging. Is there a tinge of fear, anxiety, or apprehension that bubbles to the surface of your heart when you try to dive in that deeply? If so, keep going, trust the Lord, keep Him close; He wants to show you something good! Rather than fearing the fear itself and suppressing those feelings, take Mary or Jesus’ hand and prayerfully walk into those desires.

Second, take to Christ whatever comes to mind and let him begin to unfold the mystery of your heart. A prayer as simple as, “Okay, Jesus. I want ____ at my wedding. I imagine ____ at my wedding. What is it about ____ am I attracted to? I ask you to reveal something deeply beautiful about these desires to me.”

God might reveal these answers to you in that exact moment of prayer, or maybe over a series of days. Maybe he will withhold his response until the wedding day, or even weeks after when you’re turning back through pictures. Regardless of how he answers this prayer in his timing, he hears you. He is with you in your desires. The things we are attracted to are ways God romances us towards his goodness, his beauty, his creation, and his love.

We want more than we think we want.

Even after the wedding day has come and gone, this conversation with Christ is one we can continue in any season of life.

In my most recent personal experience, praying through my desires was an effort to clarify if my desire was from God or from my own selfishness. When my husband and I moved overseas, it took over two months for our belongings to arrive from the United States to our new (and first) home. The time of waiting tested my patience and led to my restless wanting of our stuff. In the past, I’ve done well with traveling out of a backpack and maintaining a relatively simple profile, so this deep feeling of need for my things was surprising to me.

On the one hand, it takes a personal touch to create a home. We were living on rental furniture and bare walls; I desired our personalized bookshelves and coffee mugs and photographs. I desired to create a home with my husband.

But on the other hand, I was tempted to shame in those desires because I was being “too materialistic” and “too selfish” and “too needy.” The latter experience led me to my knees in a prayer to see God in those desires.

He shattered the glass of my temptation to self-shame. In his most gentle and straight-forward way, God first allowed me to speak my fears: “I feel like I am a bad Christian if I want my stuff.” Nearly instantly thereafter, he provided a sanctifying clarity: it’s not the stuff for the sake of having stuff I desire, but the love, joy, memory, journey, hope, and faith that those things represent. A home is a place of hospitality, rest, unity, and love; beyond the desire for “stuff” is a beautiful desire for a home.

And beyond the desire for a home is a desire for our eternal home, heaven. The ache for what I want now opened my perspective to what I want forever.  

My patience was restored and the process of building our first home has filled my heart with gratitude and hope for all the goodness to come--both in this life and in heaven.

Oftentimes, the details we want to see on our wedding day are a manifestation of our heart’s yearning for beauty and virtue and love. Through the gift of free will, God will patiently wait to show us those deeper layers of our hearts until we ask him to show us. When we invite him into our wedding planning--the season of preparation toward the vocation to a sacrament of marriage--he will undoubtedly show up and love on us as he does so well.

He has already shown up by inviting you into this sacrament--one of the beautiful ways he reveals his love for his people! Why would he stop there? Our God is a God of infinity.

What does he want to show you? What does he have to teach you? What beauty can be revealed as we journey through wedding planning and decision making processes with Christ by our side?

May the journey continue for you with infinite beauty and surprise.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Stephanie Fries is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. Stephanie’s perfect day would consist of a slow morning and quality time with her husband, Geoff, a strong cup of coffee, and a homemade meal (…with dessert). Read more

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Newlywed Life | How to Plan a Honeymoon Staycation

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Are you and your beloved unable to go on a honeymoon immediately after your wedding?

Whether due to work, financial, or other limitations, if a getaway isn’t in the cards for you right away, the first days of your marriage can still be an elevated experience and sacred time. Consider planning a honeymoon staycation over a three-day weekend or, if possible, a longer period off from work. Here, our suggestions for making your staycation distinctive from the everyday.

Allow yourselves leisure.

When you’re staying at home, particularly right after your marriage, there are temptations everywhere to do: open gifts, organize belongings, clean, write thank you notes. Don’t forget, however, to be: this is a vacation, after all! Consider designating a time of day to end working on projects and chores, spending the remainder in a state of carefree timelessness.

Make specific plans.

A staycation is ideal for exploring areas of your city you might not otherwise prioritize: plan a day trip, make brunch and dinner reservations at new and special spot, visit the natural or cultural sites you love or have dreamed of seeing. Creating an informal itinerary cultivates the getaway feel and brings structure to your time.

Consider a local overnight.

If your budget allows, spending a night--or two--in a nearby hotel or Airbnb feels distinctively special and set apart from your everyday.

Dream together.

If your “actual” honeymoon is months away, enjoy the anticipation! Page through travel books for your destination, dive into Yelp, and begin planning your forthcoming trip.

Add a spiritual component.

Take advantage of time off from work with daily Mass, Adoration, and a self-planned retreat or pilgrimage. Find more here on planning a spiritually significant honeymoon.

We love hearing the stories, insights, and surprises of your newlywed lives. If you and your beloved had an abbreviated or local honeymoon, or are planning to, share your own tips and experiences in the comments and on our social media. See the Spoken Bride team’s handpicked honeymoon essentials here.

Megan + Josh | Romantic Hacienda Wedding

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Megan and Josh met at a Catholic grade school in Houston where both of them were teachers and coaches.

They initially met in the environment of other coworkers and friends, and over time they grew to mutually respect and appreciate each other’s morals and values. It became increasingly evident that they complemented each other well.

Megan describes their relationship as a fertile ground where virtue could flourish: “We pushed each other to be the people that God created us to be: sainthood-seeking, evangelizing disciples of Jesus Christ.”

Upon realizing that in each other, there was no turning back. It was love at first realization.

From the Bride: On our wedding day we had all of our loved ones, role models, and loyal friends by our side. All of my family either flew in or drove the long sixteen hours to Houston to celebrate with us.

We even flew in my grade school parish priest from Cleveland, Ohio. He was a role model to me and had been an integral part of my formation as a teen.

During the wedding planning process, the Mass was all we cared about. Our primary desire was to minister the sacrament of matrimony to each other, so that is where our focus remained.

Every reading, every song, every participant mattered more to us than the cake, flowers, food, and dancing combined.

For example, the Ave Maria was a must for our us. My uncle sang it beautifully while we honored Mary during the Mass and asked for her intercession.

Josh and I were also Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion that day. Despite planning this detail far in advance, ministering still brought us both to tears: how could we be any more blessed than to give the precious blood of Jesus Christ to our closest family and friends on our wedding day? I can't think of a more beautiful moment.

The Mass was a sheer foretaste of Heaven.

Josh and I know we are called to bring as many people as we can to Heaven. Through matrimony and all of the sacraments, we experience Jesus Christ in both a spiritual and tangible way, and we longed to share this with our guests.

We hoped that bringing as many people as we could to celebrate our marriage would inspire them to become disciples of Jesus Christ, just like my husband and I continue to inspire each other.

Photography: Cedar & Sage Studios | Church: Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Houston, TX | Wedding Reception Venue : La Tranquila Ranch in Tomball, TX | Bridal Bouquet: H.E.B. Floral | Wedding Dress: Radiant Bride | Wedding Dress Designer: Essense of Australia | Bridesmaid Dresses: Kennedy Blue | Groomsmen Tuxes: Men’s Wearhouse | Make-up & Hair: Amanda Hayley Hair Co. | Cake: Ashley Wetwiski

Meet Our New Editorial Team!

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This month, we’re thrilled to announce the addition of new members to the Spoken Bride team; women with honest, passionate hearts for the beautiful and the real to join us in our mission. We are proud and pleased to introduce our new editors to you today and to share their insights and the fruits of their hard work in the months to come!

Larabeth Miller, Associate Editor

I’m so blessed to join Spoken Bride as Associate Editor. When I got engaged three years ago, Spoken Bride was a pivotal resource as I prepared for my new vocation as a wife. I have continued to draw inspiration from this ministry even as a newlywed and have enjoyed watching it grow in beauty, truth and holiness. That is why I am honored to be able to aid in continuing this mission!

I am originally from Colorado but currently reside in North Carolina with my husband as he finishes up medical school. We have one 18-month-old son who is my constant companion as I write, paint, and keep our house running. In the past, I had the amazing experience of being able to work for the Little Sisters of the Poor at the Mullen House in Denver. I’ve enjoyed writing contributions for The Young Catholic Woman and Ignitum Today. I’ve also shared some of my artwork at Graced by Color on Facebook and in the summer 2018 issue of Radiant Magazine. My dream is to have more kids, be the best wife ever, and get my theology degree!

 

Mariah Maza, Features Editor

I first came across Spoken Bride googling “Catholic bride blogs” after getting engaged in the summer of 2016--only two months after Spoken Bride launched. I was immediately drawn in by the beautiful and professional website, tearjerking proposal and wedding stories, and poetic truth on every page. I have followed the blog ever since.

It is so crazy that, a couple years later, I now have the privilege to be your Features Editor. God is so good. I am most looking forward to crying happy tears as I edit beautiful, holy, and inspirational engagement and wedding stories.

The deserts of Arizona are my home and have my heart, no matter where I go. I still live here with my husband as he finishes school and will be commissioned as an officer in the Army National Guard. We are high school sweethearts and newlyweds approaching our first anniversary in December! I have a psychology degree from Arizona State and a theological studies minor from the University of Mary. I am extremely bookish, try to dress “librarian chic,” love country dancing, and want to become a saint. Writing and theology are my passions, and my dream is to publish a book someday. Ad Jesum per Mariam!

 

Stephanie Fries, Editor at Large

The time between engagement and marriage for my now-husband and I moved at top speed. Throughout our planning and preparation, the resources from Spoken Bride not only influenced our wedding program and requests for specific photographs, but also provided a community of like-minded women who, unknowingly, inspired many of the plans for our wedding liturgy. For me, working as the Editor at Large with Spoken Bride is an invitation to offer my love of Catholic theology, vocation, and creativity back into a community that has helped me grow in confidence as a woman, bride, and wife.

I am proud to say that Kentucky was my first home where I was born and raised. Although a cradle Catholic, I began to develop a deep affection for and understanding of my faith after being exposed to the teachings of the Theology of the Body. I spent my early twenties in Washington, D.C. where I played field hockey and graduated from American University, taught at a Reggio-inspired preschool, and ate my fair share of Georgetown Cupcakes.

In October 2017, I moved to San Diego to discern marriage with my husband; by August 2018, we were married and moving to Japan! We are settling into our first home on a Navy base, building community, exploring our new neighborhood, and practicing self-control against the temptations for endless gyoza and sushi and ramen. Needless to say, I have a love for food! When I’m not eating or writing, you may find me drinking coffee, hiking, reading a book, or getting lost in Japan with my husband.

Starting Your Christmas Shopping? 5 Gifts Perfect for Newlyweds

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ADA PIMENTEL

 

One of the options for the blessing at the conclusion of the wedding Mass reads, May you… have solace in your friends and enjoy true peace with everyone.

 As friends and family of a newlywed couple it is our job to help them throughout their marriage and on their way to salvation. Of course, the majority of the work is up to them, but there are still many ways we can offer support-- one of the most tangible being through gifts.

The purpose behind wedding gifts is to provide the newlyweds the things they need to start their life together, and while everyone does need sheets and towels and dishes, these don’t necessarily support your friends in their actual marriage. Here, a few ideas for meaningful gifts to help them along the way.

A date night in

Common wisdom says, “Never stop dating.” Give your friends some treats to enjoy at home, while they relax in each other’s company. A two player game or a book of Mad-Libs, some snacks, a nice bottle of wine, and voila! The perfect date night in.

A date night out

After planning a wedding, budgets are often tight, which means luxuries often get cut out for a few months. A gift card to a nice restaurant or tickets to a concert or movie can be a great excuse for a night out without breaking the bank. Consider planning with several friends to splurge on an event the couple would really enjoy, but which may not be in their budget. Of course, you may have to ask ahead of time whether their calendar is open!

 Practical religious items

When I got married a friend sent an Advent wreath. I had never had one before, but it set the tone for a prayerful first Advent together. A small nativity scene, family Bible, or some holy salt for blessing their home are all good options. Consider including a small booklet of prayers or a note about how you celebrate different occasions throughout the liturgical year.

Words of wisdom

The best gift my husband and I received was a simple note that read, Welcome to marriage (or as we call it, The Eternal Sleepover). Don’t forget to get cocktails together. Our friends’ humor and advice were exactly what we needed during our jittery period of anticipation before the wedding. Consider passing on the best wedding advice you ever received or a book that had a major impact on your marriage.

 A Polaroid camera

After all the wedding hubbub has died down, and all the photos have been posted to social media, people often forget to document the silly, happy, or even mundane moments of their lives. A Polaroid (or a few disposable cameras) is a great way to remind newly married couples that the adventures are just beginning, and that these new memories deserve to be cherished.

Over the years married couples rely on friends for many things: solace in hardship, companionship in good times, and a support network through all the little highs and lows. A small token of your friendship on their wedding day lets your friends know you care for them and that they are assured of your friendship in the years to come.

About the Author: Ada Pimentel studied English at the University of Dallas and currently teaches elementary school. She married her college best friend in November 2017. When she is not teaching, Ada can be found contemplating classical education, redecorating her apartment for the hundredth time, and reading British novels.

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How He Asked | Ana + Sam

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The Father can flood even the darkest, most hidden corners of the human heart with light.

Ana and Sam met at the University of Wisconsin in Madison; he was the new intern at the Newman Center on campus, and she was the student joining his retreat-planning team. The desire they both felt to serve the Church led them to one another.

After a few months of emails, Sam asked Ana out. Their first date was to a botanical garden on Easter Sunday. Many dates followed over the next few weeks as the clock ticked down: Sam’s internship would be over in a month, and he was preparing to move back home.

In Ana’s words: We talked about deciding at the end of those weeks if we could do a long-distance relationship, but it quickly became a no-brainer. We dated from a distance for six months, where we both used the time apart to seriously discern our relationship. I was incredibly happy—the summer was full of adventure and young love, though also shadowed by a period of extreme darkness in my own spiritual life.

We both realized around three months of dating that the other was, hopefully, the person God had planned for us. I knew in my heart and gut that if given the opportunity, I would marry Sam. Sam was a gift from God I truly could not believe I had received.

Strangely enough, this realization threw me into a torrent of worry and anxiety for months, as I began believing this gift was too good to be true. Even more devastating, I started doubting that God loves to bless us with beautiful things.

Hear me out. There was nothing wrong with our relationship. It was pure, good, and holy; at least, we were striving for that. The devil had taken control of my head and heart, trying to convince me I didn’t deserve the Lord’s goodness; that God was somehow tricking me, and his will was impossible to figure out, let alone follow.

During this time, Sam and I did a nine-day novena to St. Joseph for our relationship and for my anxiety, where we agreed to no contact at all. It was one of the hardest things we’ve ever done.

It was during this time that I realized just how much love I had accumulated in my little, broken heart for this incredible man. I told God that if he blessed me with the opportunity to marry Sam, I would.

I prayed that God would be pleased with that decision. Looking back, I now realize that God wants to hear our raw, broken prayers. Believing a situation is “too good to be true” is like believing God is too good to be true. And that, I now know, is a lie.

Sam, being the sure and steady man he is, kept me focused on trusting Christ and myself during my period of darkness. In my desolation, I experienced the kind of man that Sam is. I am most grateful for his steadiness and faith. We were fortunate that Sam landed a job that brought him back to Madison, where he has been ever since. This allowed us to grow much closer than we otherwise could have apart.

Nine months after our first date, Sam proposed in the campus chapel, St. Paul’s, on New Years Eve, the Feast of the Holy Family! St. Paul’s is the community that had brought us together, and it is where we will be married next July. God is so good, and he loves to give us good things! Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Trusting in him doesn’t mean putting a blindfold on while turning the boat in the opposite direction—it means staying the course of truth, eyes wide open, enjoying the views, all the while knowing and trusting that Christ is steering the boat. He leads us beside still waters, and he blesses us abundantly there. Let him.

In Sam’s words: I am not exaggerating when I say Ana was everything I was looking for in a girl: Catholic, faithful, pretty, funny, and more. I finally got the nerve to ask her out after almost four months. Although I still didn't know her well--our interactions had been pretty limited--I was incredibly excited to become friends. And we did become friends, fast.

After the whirlwind four weeks leading to the end of my temporary job, the decision to make a long-distance relationship work was the easiest decision. We were four hours away, so we were only able to see each other every so often. Despite our distance, we grew very close that summer. The time we spent together was obviously precious to each of us. By the end of that summer I knew I could--and wanted to--marry this girl, if that's what God wanted of me.

I was fortunate to land a job in the fall that brought me right back to Ana. I knew it was only a matter of time before we got engaged at this point. We were beginning to rely on each other and care for each other in ways that really only made sense within an engaged relationship. I got a ring in late November. Both of us had a strong connection to this chapel where I asked her, and I felt there was no better place. Ana has continued to be the greatest joy in my life, and I thank God every day she said yes!

Photography: Pete Creamer (family)

Just Engaged? Tips + Considerations for Setting a Wedding Date

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It’s a predictable pattern: once friends and family receive the news of your engagement, their responses, in quick succession, are typically How did he propose? followed by, So when’s the wedding?

Photography: Shea Castricone

Photography: Shea Castricone

It’s hard to fault your loved ones for their interest and excitement on your behalf. Yet it’s alright to feel overwhelmed by the prospect of choosing a wedding date, let alone planning for it. If you’re newly engaged and wondering where to begin, start by arranging a meeting with the priest at the parish or chapel where you plan to enter into marriage.

At your first meeting, your priest will discuss practical matters like if and when you and your fiancé have received the sacraments, give an overview of the marriage prep process, and will likely send you home with an interview or inventory like FOCCUS to illuminate areas of your relationship that could benefit from deeper examination.

Sometimes when setting the date, the process is as simple as choosing from a list of available days and times. It can be overwhelming, however, to see endless calendar blocks open to you. Here, to aid in your discernment and decision-making, considerations for choosing your date.

The liturgical year

If a particular saint or feast has been significant in your relationship, consider bringing that significance into your wedding date, by way of a saint’s feast day or a solemnity. Spoken Bride’s Business Director, Andi Compton, was married on September 8, the birth of Our Lady, and Creative Director Jiza Zito was married August 15, the solemnity of the Assumption.

Bear in mind that most dioceses do not permit celebratory sacraments, like matrimony and baptism, during Lent. On the other hand, weddings held during the Christmas and Easter seasons convey a beautiful image of new, fruitful, glorious life.

Your personal responsibilities

While, like many major transitions in life, there’s never an ideal, conflict-free time to dive in--and the joy of entering into marriage drowns out those small matters--it is worth considering if any major obligations on the horizon could add stress to your wedding plans. Busy seasons at work in the finance, education, and retail fields, for instance,can be difficult to leave at the office, and if one or both of you is serving on mission, wherein you’re expected to prioritize your work and apostolate, setting your wedding date for a relatively calm time of year can minimize burnout.

Family obligations

If anyone in your immediate family or prospective wedding party will be traveling abroad, on a military deployment, giving birth, or undergoing major surgery or medical procedures in the upcoming months, understand the strain these circumstances might place on their ability to attend your wedding. Of course, it’s impossible to set a date where no guests have prior obligations, but for those closest to you, it’s a gesture of consideration, and a gift to you as a couple, to set a date they’ll be able to attend.

Circumstances and needs at this time in your lives

A short engagement can work well if neither you nor your fiancé will be relocating to a new city or state after your wedding, if one of you is already living in the home you’ll eventually share, or if you’re both well into your post-college lives and careers. A slightly longer time of preparation might be practical if you’re still in school, will need to make arrangements for your living situation, or have concerns that could benefit from pre-marital counseling.

All that said, every divinely ordained relationship, and every unrepeatable person within it, has unique needs, strengths, and challenges. It’s alright to move forward in faith even without all the answers, to get married while going to therapy, or to celebrate your marriage in the midst of professional or family-related whirlwinds. When we step out into the deep, Peter-like, Christ is present and won’t leave us to flounder.

More on discerning the length of your engagement and choosing a wedding date:

Christina Dehan Jaloway’s reflections on a short engagement and on being an “older” Catholic bride | Elise Crawford Gallagher’s tips for thriving during a long engagement | Holiday weddings

How did you and your beloved go about setting your wedding date? Share your thought process with other brides in the comments and on our social media.

Readers Share | The Saints Who've Shaped Your Relationships

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This week as the Church celebrates the dead, the communion of saints, and all souls in Purgatory on All Hallow’s Eve, All Saints Day, and All Souls Day, respectively, we invited you to share the holy men and women who’ve interceded in your spiritual lives and relationships on our social media.

For inviting us and others into your deep joy, for fostering hope in God’s faithfulness in women still awaiting their love story, for witnessing to abandon and reckless trust in the Father, thank you. Your responses were too many to list in a single post--let alone to list every woman who cited Our Lady, Saints Therese, John Paul II, or Louis and Zelie Martin as favorite patrons! We read every single one and find each so uniquely, personally beautiful.

Here, a selection of your stories of saintly intercession:

St Gemma - for many reasons! My husband is a pharmacist, I was seeking employment when we were first married and we both recently lost our fathers. She’s the patron saint of: Pharmacists, children who have lost parents and those seeking employment! - Danielle

Blessed Emperor Karl of Austria and his wife, Servant of God, Empress Zita. They were a beautiful Catholic married couple and have been a great role model for our marriage. - @danielleduet

St. Michael the Archangel. His battle courage was inspiring to me, and helped me in my own spiritual warfare. Like St. Michael, I was able to cast my own demons out. - @_desirita_

St. Therese and St. Zelie Martin. I’ve struggled with finding and being content in my vocation, and through their intercession have received many graces. - @thebrownebunch

St. Raphael. I met my soon-to-be fiancé through Catholic Match and Raphael's intercession throughout our relationship has been so influential. He's the patron saint of their website and the hero of our relationship. - @violetsheabee

St. Therese has had (and continues to have) a profound impact on how myself in relationship with my fiancé. Long distance has required a lot of humility and trust on both of our parts, and I've leaned on her Little Way to help me do small things that benefit our relationship with each other and with God. - @meganboes

St. Joseph! The St. Joseph novena played a big role in both our individual discernment journeys. As a couple, any time we have a difficult situation and don't know what to pray for, we say his novena, and always receive exactly what we need, and then some! Plus, all the men in my family have Joseph as their middle name, and so does my husband! - @acrgripshover

Our Lady of Angels. - @i.marie.daly

St. Anthony. - @vegan_wannabe_81

I got engaged on the feast of Our Lady of the Rosary, by the grace of God and through the intercession of St. Joseph, Mama Mary, and St. Anne. - @meganaosborn

St. Thomas More, Mother Mary and St. Joseph. - @marie_xavier_felix

St. Maria Goretti. - @paigealexandrahussey

St. Therese, St. Faustina, and the Holy Family! -@becca_from_texas

St. Josemaria Escriva. - @akeeshers

St. Therese of Lisieux and St. Cecilia! My senior year of college, while my husband and I were still dating, I felt a call to a religious vocation. I was so confused about it so I prayed countless novenas to Therese--I didn’t hear an immediate response, but I eventually did. That spring break, some girlfriends and I drove to Nashville for a retreat with the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia (Cecilia is one of my faves because I’m a musician). While I loved it there, I felt a peace within my heart that I was called to marriage. Two years later, my husband proposed. - @josieweisenberger

St. Gianna Molla and her husband, Pietro! We named our first born after her! - @thetinymangia

Our Lady and St. Louis de Montfort. - @maddy__anne__

St. Joseph! My parents did a novena to St Joseph to pray for a husband for me and weeks into the novena, [my future spouse] came along! And we got engaged on May 1, the Feast of St Joseph the Worker. - @rachelgmz

St. Therese of Lisieux! Ever since I was a young girl, I have been praying novenas to her in the hopes of finding my future husband. She is my patron saint, and my fiancé's favorite. We asked her special intercession for our relationship on a recent trip to the National Shrine in DC, and he proposed on her feast day this year, along with a beautiful white rose! - @whateverisgracious

Our guardian angels! - @ann.elissa

St. Ignatius of Loyola. My husband and I would pray his Prayer for Generosity while we were dating and it was a constant reminder to serve the other person. - @jessie.dupre

St. Elia. - @soulachreim

St. Monica, St. Anne, and St.  Michael...mother Mary above all. - @scenescerity.images

St. Jude. I began his novena and on the last day saw [my future husband] Wesley, and knew I should see where things went with him. After that we have prayed to him every night and I began seeing St. Jude everywhere. Now, Wesley and I are getting married [this fall] (2 years after I began my novena)! - @rach_whalen

Our Lady Undoer of Knots, Saint Joseph, Saint Anne, Saint Anthony, Saint Michael, Saint Jude Thaddeus, Saint Raphael, and Saint Dymphna. I keep adding them! - @edna_songz

Saint Veronica. She has inspired me to wipe my husband’s face as he carries his crosses. She reminded me what we are called to do as brothers and sisters in Christ and had a profound role in shaping our relationship. - @brittbritt_ottens

Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin, St. Therese’s parents. The man who is courting me and I had to go two months without seeing each other when we began our relationship. He sent me a talk about sanctification in marriage, which focused on their lives; since then, we have continuously asked for their intercession as we discern marriage! They have become a major influence for me and we are thankful to have another beautiful couple to look up to! - @alynacampero

Saint Therese of Lisieux; she is always reminding us to give ourselves fully to each other and to never seek anything in return. She teaches us how (in Story of a Soul) to live life in a way that strives for selfless love and complete humility. And her parents guide us in how we will want to raise our kids someday. - @maddie7548

To each of you who responded to or have been moved by this question and its answers, we are grateful. If you have suggestions for future reader-sourced topics, be sure to share them with us for consideration!

Images by Lionhearted Photography, seen in Amy + Jake | Midwinter Mountain Wedding

Liz + Grant | Classic Northern California Wedding

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Liz and Grant were good friends in high school but went their separate ways. It wasn’ until their sophomore year of college, at different universities, that they reconnected, and with the potential for more.

After a year of renewing their friendship, it became clear to both of them that they desired more.

“Once we started dating,” says Liz, “I could see how Grant and I complemented each other in the light of faith. We were both raised Catholic, but our differences allowed us to point out the beauty of the faith in new ways to one another. “

“His appreciation for tradition is the perfect complement to my evangelical spirit and thus we are able to remind one another of the beauty of our faith in different ways.”

They began attending a weekly Bible study together with Father Sam, the priest who’d eventually celebrate their marriage, solidifying their individual faith lives and pursuit of each other. College meant several years of long-distance dating--including a full school year abroad--followed by Liz and Grant both returning to their hometown and beginning their respective careers. At the San Carlos Cathedral in Monterey, California, Grant proposed.

From the Bride: The day Grant asked me to be his bride, the Bishop happened to be at the cathedral for the evening Mass, which we attended right after the proposal. We were honored that he blessed our engagement after Mass, right in front of the beautiful cathedral.

We spent our engagement prepping for not only our wedding--which was so fun!--but our marriage, which was and continues to be refining in the best ways. After a 13-month engagement, we were married on July 1, 2017. What a blessing it is to have fostered a solid friendship before growing in our faith together as a couple, and eventually getting married.

You never know God's plan, and this rings true for us, as he was writing our story long before we even knew it! At the risk of sounding cliché, our wedding day could not have been more beautiful.

We had two primary goals for the day: first, to have a beautiful, sacred, holy Mass. And second, to host a joyful reception with our favorite people in the world, including a packed dance floor.

We always talked about getting married out of town--somewhere along the California coast or a quaint town in the wine country. When it came down to it, however, the most important thing to us was not to be in a beautiful city requiring our guests to travel. Being from the same place, we decided that our hometown was the best location for our wedding day. It was convenient for everyone and so special to get ready in my childhood home, while Grant spent the morning of the wedding in the home where we now live.

Summer days in California’s Central Valley can be well over 100 degrees, but our wedding day came after a big heat wave and was a perfect low-90s day with blue skies and a light breeze.

I wanted my sweet bridesmaids to all wear the same dress, but also wanted to somehow match my Maid of Honor and sister--we constantly match unintentionally! So, we wore the same pair of earrings, which I loved. I also gave matching bracelets to my bridesmaids, my sister, and my. It’s fun to see my favorite women wearing that jewelry now, after the wedding.

After going to different bridal salons to try on the same dress three times (I’m a little indecisive…thanks for your patience, mom!) I finally decided to go for it. My dress was totally different than what I originally envisioned myself wearing, but I loved its classic silhouette and open back detail. It felt simple, yet distinctive. Also, it had pockets--not only super fun, but convenient! Above all, my gown felt timeless.

Past brides had advised me to choose a new perfume for my wedding day, because the scent would always remind me of the day. I highly recommend doing this; now, a year after our wedding, I love wearing my perfume and it always takes me back to July 1.

I worked on the invitations with a co-worker who designed a beautiful suite for us, which we printed at a local shop. One of my bridesmaids and college roommates, Erika, calligraphed all of our envelopes and signage for the seating chart, ceremony welcome, aisle markers, and a Saint John Chrysostom quote.

Lauren Santos, the artist behind When Beauty Met Truth—whom I met while studying abroad together in London—drew a beautiful crest we used on our stationery and details. The crest inspired the aesthetic for the entire day. My favorite element is the dove, symbolizing the Holy Spirit.

We wanted our Mass to exude the beauty of the Catholic Church and of sacramental marriage, yet be engaging for non-Catholic friends and family members. Father Sam did a wonderful job upholding the sacredness of the Mass, while explaining things along the way for those not familiar.

For the Mass readings, we chose Tobit 8:4-8,Romans 12: 1-2, 9-18, and Matthew 5:13-16. We chose these readings in order to share their messages with our family and friends, and also because they serve as reminders for ways we strive to live our own lives. Particularly the salt of the earth and light of the world message in the Gospel reading—we believe living a holy marriage allows us to be a light to others in this world.

Family and friends did the readings and Prayers of the Faithful, and our parents brought up the gifts.

One of my favorite parts of the Mass was signing "How He Loves" during communion with my brand new husband, knowing all of our supportive and loving family and friends were receiving the Eucharist alongside us. It was a really special moment I'll remember forever.

We were elated that our family and friends--Catholic and non-Catholic alike--commented on the joy and beauty of the Mass. All too often we hear of people saying that Mass is boring or confusing, and we truly wanted our nuptial Mass to be a beautiful expression of our faith and marriage.

At the reception, we set a table with family member's wedding photos and a framed quote from Saint John Chrysostom: "The love of a husband and wife is the force the welds society together.” It was a fun way to honor our parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles as well as the beauty of marriage and the impact it can have on so many.

We enjoyed a delicious meal incorporating some of our favorite foods: local peaches—my favorite fruit—in the green salad, and gnocchi—Grant’s favorite pasta—as a second course. After the most heartfelt toasts from my Maid of Honor, Grant’s Best Man, and my dad, and following a surprise disco style father-daughter dance and a Mambo-Italiano mother-son dance, we spent the rest of the night on the dance floor with our favorite people! We opted for a traditional tiered wedding cake—funfetti with raspberry filling—and my mom sewed the tablecloth for our cake table.

We decided to do a sparkler exit; what better way to close out the most joyful day ever? After Grant and I buckled up in the car and started to pull away, I unexpectedly burst into joyful tears. We both felt overwhelmed with love and gratitude for our day. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

A faith-filled and joyful marriage can have a positive impact on so many people in our broken world, especially those whom we might not ever know we touched.

Photography: Cori Delgado Photography | Church: Our Lady of the Assumption Catholic Church - Turlock, CA | Reception: Del Rio Country Club - Modesto, CA | Videographer - Devad Weddings (https://devadweddings.com/) | Flowers - Farmington Flowers (https://www.facebook.com/Farmington-Flowers-Flowers-by-Megan-Dyk-172434006154428/) | Brides Dress - | Maggie Sottero via Miosa Bride (http://www.miosabride.com/) | Brides Shoes - Kate Spade (https://www.katespade.com/) | Brides Earrings - J. Crew (https://www.jcrew.com/) | Bridesmaids Attire - Alfred Sung via Brideside (https://brideside.com/) | Grooms Suit - Suit Supply (https://us.suitsupply.com/en_US/home) | Groomsmen Attire - Black Tux (https://theblacktux.com/) | Make Up Artist - Aneesa Smith (alwaysaneesa.com) | Wedding Crest - When Beauty Met Truth (https://www.etsy.com/shop/WhenBeautyMetTruth) | Calligraphy - The Love Letterer (https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheLoveLetterer)

Balancing Materialism and Majesty in Your Wedding Plans

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SINIKKA ROHRER

 

If there’s one thing I remember from my engagement, it’s the difficulty of balancing the majesty and materialism a wedding involves.

Quite a few friends and family offered well-meaning advice about what a wedding day should look like. After every conversation, I'd look at my fiancée with fear-filled eyes:

“Do we really need to have a cocktail hour?”

“Is anyone going to care if we have favors?”

“Will anyone notice if we have faux flowers?”

The amount of material concerns pressed upon us was overwhelming. In the midst of these decisions, I remember wishing I had a way out from it all. I want to help give that to you.

Here is permission: you do not need to have a cocktail hour. No one will care if you have favors or not, and even if someone notices that you have faux flowers, it doesn’t diminish the beauty of your day.

Your wedding day is about more than pretty dresses, perfect centerpieces, and prime cuts of meat. It’s about uniting with your beloved, under the mantle of Christ.

Here are a few ways to feel balanced as you navigate material and spiritual concerns:

Set a budget and prioritize.

Your mother, sister, or aunt may be telling you you should get the dress you love, book the venue you’ve always wanted, and have the open bar everyone would love. The perfect dress, venue, and cocktails are all great things to include in your plans, but keep in mind what the bill will look like at the end of the day.

To help financial conversations go smoothly, make sure you (and whomever is helping foot the bill) set--  and stick to--a specific wedding budget. Identify what you’re willing to splurge on and list each of your top vendor priorities with your groom. In our case, for instance, I cared most about the photographer, and my husband about the DJ.

For all other details and costs, we made sure they fit our budget. That means our centerpieces, favors, and appetizers were not the fanciest, yet still offerings we could be proud of. It felt good knowing the bill was not crippling to ourselves or our parents after the day was done.

Respectfully say no.

Many times during my wedding photography career, I have run into the situation where an opinionated family member has a specific plan for how a wedding day will run and what it will look like.

If you have someone explicitly stating your day will not be good if it doesn’t have large floral centerpieces, an open bar, or any other item, this piece of advice is for you:

You are allowed to say no.

It might feel uncomfortable, but it’s healthy to respectfully decline ideas and put your foot down in order to help your day stay focused on what matters most.  

Despite the chorus of outside voices, remember this day is not about others, but about you and your groom--and ultimately, about Christ shining through the whole day.

Remind us all: it's the sacrament that matters.

Your attitude and choices can communicate to friends and family what’s most important to you: the sacrament of marriage itself. This is the reason why the details honestly don’t matter and the timeline is just a sheet of paper. Your sacrament will be beautiful and unifying. You can set an example of moderation, embodying the balance between your own experience and others' expectations.

You are Christ’s advocate for your wedding day.

You are your advocate for your wedding day.

There is no one else who will stand up to say enough is enough when orchids are overpriced and decisions start to overwhelm you.

You have the agency to stand up, step back from decision-making, and recall what’s most important.

The materials of this world are insignificant in comparison to the heavenly majesty of your wedding. I challenge you remember this daily, balancing any necessary cares of this world with the cares of the next.

About the Author: Sinikka Rohrer is a Christian wedding photographer and Spoken Bride vendor on mission to encourage brides with practical and spiritual encouragement on the way to the aisle. She is a lover of all things healthy, early morning spiritual reads, and anything outdoors.

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Our Perspectives on Learning to Pray with Your Beloved

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We’ve been asked recently to share tips for establishing a prayer routine with your spouse--intimacy and time together both change from engagement to marriage, and the desire to establish dedicated spiritual habits in your life together is a worthy one. But where to begin? Or what if the habits you set out to establish don’t feel like they’re working?

Like any language, like any habit, prayer is learned. Give yourselves permission to try different times and methods of shared prayer time and to change your routine if necessary--if, for instance, tiredness makes bedtime prayer more an obligation than a grace, try a week of praying over morning coffee or when you and your spouse come home from work, instead.

Know yourselves, and the means of worship and dialogue with the Lord unique to each of you, and how you might join your voices together--through Theology or Scripture, spontaneous prayer, the divine office, Praise and Worship, the Rosary, or otherwise. Be open to your spouse’s spiritual inclinations, even if they’re new or different from your own--love for each other, and for the Father, goes beyond feelings and even beyond comfort. Our call to step outside the comfortable doesn’t end in discomfort--it ends in communion.

Here, honesty and reflections from our team on establishing and growing a prayer life alongside your beloved.

Jiza

My husband and I do well with the occasional novena, seasonal prayers, or fasting together. But as for praying regularly, his frequent travel for work means we are often in different places, literally. Routine isn’t feasible, and once we do get comfortable in one, God uproots us. I realize we aren’t called to be comfortable, so it’s probably edifying in itself.

Andi

Just do it. I often feel a nudge from the Holy Spirit at bedtime but because my husband and I are so tired, most nights we just pass out, forgetting to pray together. Lately I’ve been trying to reach out and say, “hey, do you want to pray?” He always responds, “Sure,” and leads us.

Stephanie

In our current season of raising young children, it’s easy for me to compare the prayer life my husband and I shared in the past (Bible studies, holy hours, day trips to cathedrals and holy sites, frequent Rosaries) to the one we have now, involving far less freedom with social events and uninterrupted time. While the demands of family life don’t mean we’re less responsible for our spiritual lives, we have had to cultivate peace with the opportunities we do have, and to recognize that even if our prayer is less community-centered and more rooted in our home, this is the mode in which the Lord calls us to live out our vocation in the here and now. We are definitely a work in progress in this area! I’d also encourage couples to continue calling each other on in their personal spiritual lives, as well. I find it such an act of generosity and good will when my husband encourages me to go on my own to Adoration or confession.

Looking for more practical tips on praying together? From the archives, our favorite past posts on the subject:

The learning curve of combining your spirituality with your beloved’s | 4 Tips for creating a prayer space in your home | Working through spiritual differences when you feel “unequally yoked” | Suggested patrons for your relationship and a selection of the most beautiful novenas and prayers to the saints | A guided meditation on praying with your wedding vows using lectio divina | How to plan a personal retreat for you and your beloved | How learning to communicate as a married couple is like learning to pray together, and why it’s okay to struggle | Spiritual book recommendations for brides | Our tips for a bathing your honeymoon in a spirit of prayer | How and why to consider bringing examen prayer into your relationship

We share our imperfections hoping within them, you find freedom. Constantly we are striving for accountability, vulnerability, and--above all--a deeper relationship with the Lord, offering ourselves and our spouses to him. If a lie has crept in that every other couple but you has it together, with a perfectly dedicated prayer life to match, know we are there beside you, always chasing holiness by way of our call to marriage.

Jackie + David | Desert Sophistication Wedding

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One Valentine’s Day at Arizona State University, students at the Catholic Newman Center put on a service event distributing donations and cards to the local homeless population. Jackie met David for the first time, and a group of new friends organically grew from that event, culminating in a road trip to Sedona, Arizona. “David had taken the lead in helping make this trip a reality,” says Jackie. “My parents had bought their wedding and engagement rings there, and I had always heard of its beauty. We drove up with two other friends, hiked Cathedral Rock, and had a blast exploring the local shops. It was a memorable day trip for all of us, but I had no idea just how special it would be to me and David later in life.”

Returning to school in the fall as sophomores, David, Jackie, and their group of friends drifted apart and they saw each other less frequently. “In all honesty,” Jackie admits, he got on my nerves! Looking back, we later realized God had a lot of work to do on our individual hearts. We both confronted a lot of challenges that year.”

Slowly, patiently, the Lord was preparing them for each other.

Jackie found herself beginning to look at David with renewed wonder, seeing in him a great gentleness and concern for others and desiring to know him more and more. Once again, they began regularly running into each other at the Newman Center, service events, and pro-life work. He got involved in the prolife club again, and we ran into each other at service events and Newman Center social events regularly. At the Catholic sorority fall formal, David looked at Jackie across the dance floor after talking casually throughout the evening, and it all came together in his mind. They danced, and he asked her out a few days later.

Months after, David took Jackie on another road trip to Cathedral Rock; this time, to propose.

From the Bride: Saint Patrick is David’s confirmation saint, and his feast, Saint Patrick’s Day, is exactly halfway between our birth dates. It was also the only Saturday available in March, one of Arizona’s most beautiful months.

My only stipulation about a Saint Patrick’s Day wedding was that the theme not extend to any of our aesthetic and décor. David easily agreed. We chose a springtime desert theme: soft pinks and greens, with a pop of mango in the bouquets. I fell in love with the desert’s unique beauty when I moved to attend ASU, so I wanted to surround ourselves with it and delight all of our out-of-state guests. There were cacti illustrations on our invitations and table numbers, and I bought nopales to create hand-lettered signs--I practice hand-lettering because I think it’s whimsical, romantic, and deeply personal.

Our wedding program was actually inspired by Christina Dehan Jaloway’s. My favorite element was including the reasons David and I chose each of our Mass readings. I really hoped to counter the idea that Catholic weddings aren’t as personalized or meaningful as secular ones with custom vows and varied locations.

For David and me, a Catholic wedding in this place, on this day, with these readings and traditions, was the most intensely personal and meaningful ceremony we could dream of.

We were married in the intimate Newman center where we had met and grown throughout college. I was overjoyed to share this church with my friends who had never seen it. David really experiences the Mass through traditional music, so we hired his home parish’s choir to sing. Their arrangements were so heavenly I was brought to tears.

I was afraid I’d be self-conscious during the ceremony, but I felt so grounded. I was filled with the deepest peace, gratitude, and radiant joy. I knew God was there, waiting for me, excited to bond me forever to my husband and lavish his grace upon us. I felt completely alive and able to take in every passing, precious moment. We smiled and looked at each other during nearly the entire ceremony.

We involved friends and family as vendors because we knew they could do great work. Our readers, gift bearers, and altar servers were all friends from Newman; our college friends also did our photography, table numbers, and my hair. David’s mother, a talented baker, made our wedding cakes, and his family made all the food and decorations for the rehearsal dinner.

David and I danced our first dance to “Amazed” by Lonestar. We surprised our guests with a choreographed dance that built from slow dancing to nightclub two-stepping, to Arizona two-stepping, to country swing. It was a joy to showcase the love of dance we developed in college!

We also chose to do a garter throw, but with a twist. Pulling up my dress in front of family was a little beyond our comfort level. Thankfully, David has a goofy sense of humor! We opted to have him seductively approach me, only for me to sit him down in my seat, and then pull up his pant leg to reveal the garter on his ankle! It worked for us, and it was hilarious when David’s 10-year-old brother caught the garter, hoisted in the air by one of David’s friends.

Besides getting sacramentally married to the love of my life, the most meaningful part of the nigh twas the presence of my out-of-town family. All of my dad’s six siblings, their spouses, some cousins, and my grandmother flew out for the big day--she is 96 years old and stayed near the dance floor until the DJ closed it down at 11 PM!  My family had never hosted all of our relatives at once—we were usually the ones flying back East to visit them and dance at their weddings. They welcomed David with such open arms. Some of my fondest memories are seeing David arm-in-arm with my cousins in a huddle, talking enthusiastically with my aunts and uncles, and impressing them all with his dance moves.

The evening ended with all the remaining guests circling up around us, arm-in-arm, singing “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks. The last chorus, we were all in one massive group hug. It’s truly a night I will never forget.

Being surrounded by the ecstatic joy and presence of my husband, family members and friends, was the most vivid experience of heaven I’ve ever had.

People have often remarked on the sense of peace I carry with me. Throughout wedding planning, often vendors noticed how at ease I seemed during our meetings, saying many couples were already stressed by the first meeting! However, don’t get me wrong—this peace was tested and hard-earned. There were experiences of fearing we would never find a venue, fearing we would lose our venue, having vendors back out, and stepping on boundaries as we merged family traditions and expectations. This process drew me deeper into God’s involvement in a Catholic wedding day.

It started with finding a way to use Pinterest well. Sometimes I would get caught in a spiral of comparison. When I contemplated the virtues I hoped to radiate on my wedding day, the words joy, peace, and surrender all arose. I searched those words and pinned my favorite results right on my “Bride’s Look” board alongside my hair and makeup inspiration, to remind me of some essential truths:

Joy: My friends and family are looking to see that I’m happy, not that everything’s perfect. Seeing a happy bride is what really is beautiful and gives joy to others’ hearts.

Peace: God the Father is in control of the day. He led me to my husband, and he has called us to receive the sacrament of marriage. He will be there on the big day. It’s his show! He is the one providing the grace uniting us together for life. He is the one who will provide, not me.

Surrender: “Mistakes” will inevitably happen. In those moments, I wanted to go with the flow.

I wanted to receive the day as God was delivering it, pondering everything in my heart like Mary did at Jesus’ birth.

I wanted to laugh lightheartedly about whatever happened and see it as a good story to tell later. The human experience of the event was all in the emotions felt, not the visual details or the perfect timeline.

Collecting and pondering these quotes stabilized me. It helped me internalize these truths and prepare spiritually and practically. On my wedding day, my bridesmaid printed some of the quotes from my board and distributed them. We gathered in quiet place before the ceremony. I led us in prayer and each girl read three of my handpicked quotes to center us, reminding us what was most important on this day.

I can't tell you how relieved I felt to hear my dear friends speaking those words back to me. As I waited alone to join the procession, I felt as grounded as the strongest and tallest tree in the forest. My heart overflowed in thanksgiving to God for bringing me to this day.

I remembered I was the receiver of this day, and God was the giver.

There is this pressure to provide “magic” as the bride and groom; the event planners. That’s why the details can be so stressful. You may feel like if a detail is imperfect, it will ruin the illusion of heaven you are trying to create for yourselves and the guests. The details are meant to elicit joy… but it really helped me to remember that they are not the true source of the joy. Ultimately, the union of two people together, to be married for life, can only be done by one being, the Almighty God. A celebration of what He has done in the lives of these two people.

I found a quote that said, “A wedding is a celebration that God loves his people.” And at our wedding, there was a real sense of supernatural joy. It pervaded everything, from the ceremony to the photo-taking to the reception. That, I could not have planned or pinned. Only God could provide that.

Photography: Kylee Ann Photography | Church: All Saints Catholic Newman Center serving Arizona State University | Reception Venue: Sheraton Crescent Hotel | Wedding rings: Shane Co. | Engagement ring: Jewlr | Invitations: Minted | Flowers: Fred’s Flowers
Bride’s Dress, veil, jewelry, and accessories: Brilliant Bridal | Bride’s necklace: vintage | Bridesmaid’s attire: Vow to Be Chic | Groom and Groomsmen Attire: Men’s Wearhouse | Cake Baker: Rose Hacker, mother of the groom | Hairstylist: Haley York, friend of the bride | Makeup artist: the bride | Music: Arizona Music Force