Forever: An Interview with Jackie and Bobby Angel

No matter where you are in your dating life, engagement, or marriage, and no matter where you are in your spiritual life, the Father deeply desires to pour out his love over his sons and daughters; to know and be known by them in a singular, specific way. In every vocation, we hear the song of his love for us.

We had the privilege of a conversation with Bobby Angel and Jackie Francois Angel, husband and wife authors of the recently released Forever: A Catholic Devotional for Your Marriage. Forever features six weeks' worth of daily reflections and questions for couples to read together (Lent could be an ideal time to dive in with your beloved), with the intention of drawing them nearer to the Father and illuminating the truths of the human heart that ring eternal, even in a culture of constantly changing attitudes and wedding trends. 

Read on for the Angels' take on these topics of learning to love a singular, specific person in your spouse, our longing to be known, Saint John Paul II's Theology of the Body, and their advice for engagement and marriage. 

Sabree Hill Photography

Who did you write this book for? Is it just for married couples, or would others benefit from it as well?

We wrote this book for everyone! While specifically targeted to those already married, we wanted it to be accessible for people who are dating, engaged, newly married or married for 20 years, as well as any single person who wants to consume more content on the Theology of the Body and maybe learn some tidbits about marriage. Our hope is that this book could help people in all different stages of the journey, from an engaged couple getting married in the Catholic Church and getting reacquainted with the faith, to even those couples married for a long time who have studied Theology of the Body and are glad to have a resource that allows them to pray together nightly and learn more about their faith and each other.

You both do quite a bit of speaking and teaching to young adults around the world; what have you noticed in terms of contemporary young adults' attitudes toward and ideas about marriage? Did this play a role in how you wrote your book?

For those young adults who actually do want to get married (since so many young adults are foregoing marriage to just cohabitate), there is often this idea that marriage will solve all their problems or make that “ache” of the heart go away. We try to share that the best thing to do as a single person is to focus on being healthy--emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually--and to realize that marriage won’t make your problems (like insecurity or a habit of pornography use) go away, but rather magnify and exacerbate them.

In our book, Forever, we also try to show that God is the only one who can satisfy every desire of our hearts. Marriage is just a sign and foretaste of the Heavenly union and marriage with God in Heaven. Thus, if God is not “enough,” nothing will ever be, not even a fantastic marriage.

So, if single people can go into marriage knowing no human being, not even their spouse, is perfect like God, nor can their spouse heal or fix all their problems--like God and some therapy can--it will lay a much healthier foundation than having the previously stated notions.

Why did you choose to base your reflections on St. John Paul II's Theology of the Body?

We both experienced renewals in our faith through dynamic youth ministry programs as well as a secondary “jolt” of excitement in encountering the rich teachings of St. John Paul II. As people with very real desires and and that ever-present ache to know and be known, JPII retold our beautiful Christian faith by focusing on the call to union stamped into our physical bodies. Good news, indeed!

In an age where so much distortion and heartache comes from the misuse of our bodies, reading and learning the Theology of the Body was eye-opening and refreshing. It put to words that ache for communion and gave us a tangible way of integrating our desires, rather than merely fighting or suppressing them. It’s the Gospel re-told in a new way; it’s the antidote our fallen world needs. We both drank deeply of this vision before meeting each other, so beginning a relationship and a marriage--and now a family--with this understanding is a tremendous grace and responsibility. We feel blessed to be able to share it with the world.  

What role does prayer as a couple play in your marriage? What advice do you have for engaged couples and newlyweds on how to begin praying together?

Be patient with each other! You’ve likely spent decades praying on your own before coming together, so know that it’s a bit of a dance where you will step on each others’ toes. Communicate what you like to do together and also what you may prefer to do on your own. For example, maybe you like to do the rosary together but spiritual reading alone; or vice versa. Figure out what works for you as a couple and stick to it.  

Also, different seasons of life call for changes. If you’re blessed with children, your prayer rhythm will change. Make the most of the time you have; quality over quantity. Look at children as an opportunity of prayer (and purgation!) instead of obstacles to your prayer. 

If you could give one piece of marital advice to the brides and newlyweds reading this interview, what would it be?

Communication, communication, communication! Learn how to communicate well with God, and learn how to communicate well with your spouse. Communication with God is what prayer is, and being honest with God about your hurts, brokenness, desires allows a lot of healing and freedom.

Communication with your spouse is essential! Learning how to argue in a healthy way, learning each others’ love languages, and communicating your desires and expectations in every area of marriage (from how to raise children to who does what part of the housework to what pleases each other sexually) is essential to growing in love for one another and having a marriage that lasts “‘til death do us part.”

---

Jackie Francois Angel and Bobby Angel live in Orange County, CA. Jackie is a traveling speaker and worship leader, as well as a songwriter and recording artist with Oregon Catholic Press. Bobby is a campus minister and theology teacher at Servite High School, an all-boys' Catholic High School in Anaheim. They have traveled to speak both nationally and internationally to share their faith and present the Church's vision of life-giving love. They recently welcomed their third child. 

BOOK | BLOG

Embracing Marriage as a Child of Divorce

ALEXA DONCSECZ 

St. John Chrysostom says, “the love of husband and wife is the force that welds society together.” But what if you are a child of divorce, and the love between your parents proved incapable of holding your own family together, much less society? Where, in this world of false freedom and loose commitments, can an adult child of divorce turn for strong examples of holy marriage?

Emily Jane Photography

This is a question I’ve reflected on often throughout my life. My parents divorced when I was eleven years old, and I think of that chapter as the time when my childhood ended. I’m not saying that to sound dramatic. It is simply honest. Navigating adult issues and emotions forces a child to grow up quickly, regardless of how amicable the situation might be, or how much effort adults devote to shielding their children from the aftermath.

Still, I remember feeling drawn to the idea of marriage from a young age. In high school, I had an experience that sealed my desire for marriage as something stronger and more deeply rooted than all my other aspirations.

It happened in my junior year Theology class. A guest speaker shared his testimony of how chastity had been a key part of his relationship with his fiancée. I listened to him describe how purity had helped him and his future bride center their relationship on God, giving them a strong foundation for a marriage built to last, and I remember thinking, That’s what I want.

It might seem like a small moment, but most pivotal moments do seem small at the time. Either way, I know now that this young man and his humble reflection provided me with the first tangible example of what I believed marriage should look like, and of what I wanted for myself when I was older.

Now, a decade removed from that day in Theology, and more than fifteen years since my parents’ divorce, I am engaged and preparing for my own marriage this year. As you can imagine, I’ve done a great deal of introspection on my ideas about marriage and where they came from, what it means to be a wife and eventually a mother, and what is to be expected in my relationship with my husband.

I have also required a fair amount of healing. My journey toward the altar has brought to light wounds I never even knew I had from navigating divorce. With that, I would like to share five things that have helped me prepare for marriage as an adult child of divorce.

A greater appreciation for the permanence of marriage

Any hardship can produce either bitterness or improvement. History can either repeat itself, or it can spark a change for the better.

While we should all ideally be able to rest in the peace that marital love--whether our own or our parents’--is permanent and unconditional, divorce provided me a constant reminder that marriage requires work to remain healthy and thriving.

I know many whose parents are still married, and those individuals also have a tremendous appreciation for marriage and its permanence. I would in no way imply that children of divorce are more likely to value that aspect of marriage than their peers from intact families. I can definitely say, however, that for me personally, encountering divorce as a child forced me to evaluate marriage early on and decide what it meant to me, and what I would want if I got married one day.

For me, that extra element of reflection and intentionality made a huge difference in certain decisions I made as I got older, like striving for chastity and choosing to make faith a key component of my romantic relationships. Strewn throughout my dating life were subtle habits and tendencies--mostly faith centered--that I believed would help “divorce-proof” my future marriage, because that security was extremely important to me.

Trusting in the grace of the sacrament

It’s often said God will not give us more than what he knows we can handle. As Catholics, we believe when we receive the sacrament of Holy Matrimony, we gain special graces that will help us fully live out our vocation to married life.

Coming from a broken home, it was no secret to me that marriage brings obstacles and challenges, many of which test the bond of commitment between husband and wife. As I grew older and reflected on the struggles that led to the breakdown of my household, it wasn’t unusual for me to become discouraged by doubt. I wondered how couples overcome trials or simply recovered from arguments, and wondered whether a lasting marriage is an unrealistic expectation in the world we live in.

This is where understanding grace played a significant role for me.

When a couple receives the sacrament of marriage, they likewise receive all the graces necessary to help them fulfill their vocation: as spouses to each other, as parents to their children, and living out the universal call to holiness in their individual lives--ultimately gaining eternal salvation. Of course, this doesn't mean marriage will be easy, or that doing what is required of us always feels good or provides immediate fulfillment.

But it does mean we have all the tools we need to live out our marriage in accord with God’s plan and be sanctified by it, because we have the unyielding support of sacramental grace.

The sacramental aspect of marriage acknowledges God’s indispensable role in the relationship between husband and wife, a reminder that marriage is not something we do alone. In order to be successful, we need to constantly rely on God and on the graces of the sacrament, in sacrifice and in radical trust.

Making peace with the past

Throughout my dating experiences, especially as I became more serious about marriage and became engaged, it was important for me to make peace with my past. This mainly meant talking to each of my parents about what happened in their marriage that led to the divorce. Not only did these conversations help me piece together a narrative I would not have been able to process as a child, they also shed light on some of the issues capable of driving marriages apart.

I have been fortunate to have a strong relationship with my parents, both of whom were gentle and understanding with me over the years as I came to them with questions. Their candor allowed me the opportunity to explore our shared situation and to better my own understanding of marriage. I realize, however, that such openness is not possible in all divorce situations. In those cases, there are other ways a person can make peace with her past and find the healing necessary to move forward.

More recently, I was very fortunate to stumble upon a discussion group specifically geared toward adult children of divorce who share the Catholic faith. With this group’s support and shared insight, I've been able to revisit many questions and thoughts I’ve carried with me from various points in my journey. Several members of this group have been married for many years, and talking with them about their experiences has given me valuable insight and perspective.

Talking to good priests and mentors

Marriage preparation and sessions with a priest have been so much more than just another item to check off the wedding list. God has placed so many wonderful priests in the lives of my fiancé and I who have guided us in our spiritual journey.

I have been blessed, in particular, by two priests whom I’ve leaned on and sought out at all stages of this process. Both are wise and holy men whom I know are deeply invested in the fruitfulness of our lives and in the success of our marriage. They have guided me in spiritual direction and are always willing to discuss whatever dilemma or anxiety is on my mind. They have answered all my difficult questions and provided peace when I needed it most.

My fiancé and I are also grateful to have met many married couples through our work for the Church; couples who image what it means to embrace God’s plan for marriage. Some of them are older and several steps ahead of us, but many are our own friends and peers who are able to walk with us side-by-side, as we venture into uncharted territory together.

Priests and mentors are great resources when it comes to journeying through the spiritual life. There is truly strength in numbers. Creating a network of support around yourself and your relationship can make a huge difference in your marriage. When building a support system for your marriage, it is important to look for individuals who advocate for the unity in your relationship, and who will not take sides or create division during times of struggle.

If you are healing from a broken home as you prepare for marriage, I highly recommend finding a priest you feel comfortable talking to and allowing him to walk with you on your journey.

Looking to the Holy Family

Finally, if you ever feel at a loss for a good model of marriage and family, especially in a culture where it can be difficult to find examples of holy marriages, our Catholic faith gives us an excellent blueprint in the holy family.

When I struggle with my image of what a wife and mother should be, I find consolation in talking to Mary. When I need a reminder of what familial love looks like in God’s plan, it helps to reflect on the interactions between Mary, Joseph, and Jesus.

Overall, the challenges we experience are part of what shape us into the people we become. Our wounds can become our strengths if we invite God in and allow him to heal us. And while divorce has been a painful part of my past, I have faith that with the constant help of God and the sacraments, my marriage will be built to last.

---

About the Author: Alexa is a 2013 graduate of The Catholic University of America, where she earned her B.S. in Biology with a minor in Psychology. She serves as the Assistant Director for Youth, Young Adult and Family Ministry for the Diocese of Allentown, where she has been happily employed since 2014. Alexa and her fiancé Patrick got engaged in December 2016, and are excitedly planning and preparing for a June 2018 marriage. Together they enjoy Cracker Barrel breakfasts, long walks around Barnes & Noble, and deciding which bridal expos have the best cake samples. Alexa's hobbies include writing, photography, and drinking coffee. 

 INSTAGRAM

How to Pray About Your Wedding Vows Using Lectio Divina

LIZ ESCOFFERY

I think back often to my engagement, and to its many hours spent at Eucharistic Adoration. During that time, I would beg Jesus to make me into a good wife and, someday, mother.

Horn Photography & Design

I didn’t know then that those many hours of prayer would carry me through the smooth and bumpy parts of married life my husband Bill and I would encounter. Five years into our marriage, a strong prayer life remains a gift and refuge in the midst of full, enjoyable--but busy--days of family life and work.  

Introducing Lectio Divina

Lectio Divina is a type of prayer I return to often. Latin for “divine reading,” it is a Benedictine form of prayer, traditionally done by reading a short passage of Holy Scripture and choosing a word, phrase, or image that stands out to you. The passage should be read several times in its entirety, once aloud if possible. Then, whomever is spending time in prayer meditates on her standout word, reads the passage again with new eyes, and engages in an exchange with God about what he wants to reveal. This prayer can be individually, as a couple, or in a small group.

We can do the same thing with any text, whether thoughtful prose or poems, song lyrics, or liturgical rites. In that spirit, I want to share with you a way to use lectio divina to meditate on the Catholic Rite of Marriage.

Below, along with the text of the Rite, I offer my own reflection questions to help you enter more deeply into this encounter. Whether you pray this on your own or in the presence of your fiancé or spouse, first take a moment to ask for the Holy Spirit to guide your time in prayer. Breathe deeply and savor the silence around you.

(Name) and (name), have you come here to enter into Marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?     

Is there anything I need to surrender or let go of before entering into this Sacrament? What does it look like to make a free gift of myself to my spouse?  

Are you prepared, as you follow the path of Marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?  

Who are some holy couples whose marriage I admire? What can I learn from their witness?

What will be the building blocks of a lifelong marriage? Is there a particular virtue I need to cultivate now that will allow me to love and honor my spouse for the rest of my life?

Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?

How do I view my fertility? Have I learned Natural Family Planning and been diligent in trying to understand the Church’s teachings on the dignity and purpose of sex in marriage?

Have I considered the possibility of infertility? Of an unplanned pregnancy? How would I love my spouse through these situations?   

Which dimensions of my sexuality need the Lord’s healing touch (Consider spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative, communicative, emotional)? Is there a dimension we are very strong in already? Is there one we need to grow in as a couple?  

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband. I promise to be faithful to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.

Where am I spiritually  with this vow: does it make me nervous? Excited? Does it seem like it will be difficult? What fears or anxieties do I have in committing myself to this purpose?

Depending on your wedding liturgy plans,  additional text for your prayer time can be found in the language of the wedding Mass, wedding outside of Mass for two baptized persons, and a wedding between a Catholic and unbaptized spouse.

Check out the Nuptial Blessing and the Blessing at the Conclusion of the Wedding, as well, to find more liturgically rich and beautiful language which is great for lectio divina.

I hope this exercise in prayer helps you take any inspiring, holy text and use it to enter into a dialogue with God and with your spouse in marriage. Whether you utilize lectio divina to prepare for your wedding day or to savor the graces of your marriage in the weeks, months, and years afterward, may it bless you and encourage you to continue in prayer.

---

About the Author: Liz Escoffery is a Certified FertilityCare Practitioner and Birth Boot Camp Instructor with Indy FertilityCare. In May 2017, she earned her Master of Arts in Theology from St. Meinrad Seminary & School of Theology. She enjoys working with engaged couples and newlyweds (both in Indianapolis, IN and virtually) and has helped over 175 women and couples learn the Creighton Model. She and her husband Bill have two children and another due in March 2018.

WEBSITE | BLOG | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | PINTEREST

Sacrifice When One of You Works in Ministry

AMANDA SLOAN

Sacrifice.

Sacrifice is probably one of the last words I think of when I think about marriage. In reality, however, sacrifice and marriage are fused together; impossible to separate.

Steven Dray Images

My husband and I are a missionary family with FOCUS. As such, our life involves a fair amount of sacrifice. In the four years we've been married, we've lived in three different states. Moving is a sacrifice. Fundraising your salary is a sacrifice. Solo parenting weekends while my husband is on retreat are a cross to bear. Late nights without him home, because a student is in crisis, are a sacrifice. There are many beautiful moments involved in being in ministry together, but there is also much sacrifice.

The thing about sacrifice is that it can go one of two ways: for a purpose, giving it dignity and meaning, or begrudgingly, making one bitter and resentful. In our time in ministry I've experienced both when these trials have been asked of us.

What I've found, time and again, is that life is more beautiful, our marriage grows deeper, and ministry is more fruitful when we understand and remember the meaning of our sacrifices.

No one forced my husband and I into ministry together, just as no one forced us into marriage. Whether your marriage involves active ministry or not, it will certainly involve sacrifice. When the dirty laundry piles up or the kids are acting like animals at the zoo, I remind myself to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Seeing it reminds me that these trials and inconveniences aren't just about me--rather, they are for the Kingdom.

At any given moment, my husband is on campus with a student because that student needs a listening ear or an invitation to know and be loved by Jesus. We move around the country because we trust in the guidance of the Holy Spirit and our superiors to place us on the campus where we--with our own unique gifts and shortcomings--are most needed, where our great passion for what we do will touch the hearts and souls of those we come in contact with.

That isn't to say that it is all hearts and rainbows when I look at the bigger picture. The laundry still piles up; the budget gets out of whack; the kids still act like animals. But instead of being bitter about my own frustrations or unmet desires, I see the purpose, the reason, behind it all. I ask myself hard questions instead of just throwing myself a pity-party about the still-unwashed dishes.

Would I rather have my husband home to help me with bedtime, or on campus sharing Jesus with someone who has literally never heard about him before? Would I rather be caught up on the laundry, or take that time to teach my toddler the alphabet? When I can put my sacrifices in context it helps me "offer it up," as the old saying goes.

Not only does this practice make my days easier; it makes my marriage better, too. Rather than being bitter about when my husband does finally come home, I'm excited for his arrival, eager to hear about the work he's done, the students he's befriended and the friendships he is forming.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus asked His Father to let the cup pass from Him, to not have to endure the struggles and sacrifices of the crucifixion. But ultimately He prayed, "still, not my will but yours be done" (Luke 22:42).

Following His example, we can take the hardships of our marriages to the Father and ask Him to remove them from us, but we must also cede control to His will. If He doesn't remove the struggles we can choose to offer them back to Him, to toil for the Kingdom, making a sweet aroma out of married life's trying sacrifices.

---

About the Author: Amanda Sloan is a missionary spouse serving alongside her husband, Anthony, with the Fellowship of Catholic University Students (FOCUS). Amanda is also the author of Worthy: See Yourself as God Sees You and the blog Worthy of Agape. In between tea parties and jumping jacks with her two daughters, Amanda enjoys hiking, exploring the outdoors, or stealing away with the computer to write. 

FAMILY MISSION PAGE | BOOK | BLOG | INSTAGRAM

Our Best of 2017

Thanks to the beautiful vulnerability and generosity of spirit given by each of you in the Spoken Bride community, it’s been our honor to share such precious parts of your hearts, and ours, in 2017. Here, as we close this year, a look back at our featured love stories and a collection of our favorite posts.

As you plan your nuptial liturgy

• Guidelines and suggested wording for your wedding program
• An introduction to the Byzantine Rite of Marriage
• Writing your own Prayers of the Faithful

Practical and spiritual wedding planning tips

• 3 first steps to take after getting engaged
• A non-typical, yet incredibly effective, system for planning and organization 
• Distinctively Catholic ways to commemorate the dead at your Mass and reception 
• Questions to consider as you decide whether or not to have a First Look 
• Why pre-marital counseling might be a better fit for you than you thought

Prayer

• How to create your own wedding novena
• How to pray with your beloved when you have different habits and spiritualities

If you’re in need of encouragement

• You are more than your imperfections.
•  Struggling with chastity? You’re not alone…
•  ...and these practices might help you in your struggle.
• Ways to grow in friendship with your spouse when romantic emotion comes and goes
• Living in the longing
• Advice for finding comfort amidst fear of losing your beloved

As you plan your honeymoon

• Real talk about your wedding night, no matter where you’ve been
• Tips for a Roman honeymoon and having your marriage blessed by the Pope
• The joys and challenges of a “honeymoon baby”
• The editors share their favorite unexpected, yet essential, traveling items

You are a bride, a beloved. Cherish this sacred time.

• This is the essence of being a bride.
• A professional tutorial on doing your own wedding-day makeup
• How to give yourself permission to be surprised
• You are a bride always--even if you no longer feel like one after your wedding day.

Our Best Nine, According to Instagram

L-R Clockwise: Laurel Creative, Rae & Michael Photography, Elissa Voss Photography, Mary Katherine Photography, Leah Muse Photography, L'Osservatore Romano Photography, Sweetness & hope Mamas, Du Castel Photography, Jenn HarkleRoad Photography

From us to you, thank you for taking part in Spoken Bride's ministry, whether through your social media interaction, your submissions, your patronage of our Catholic wedding vendors, or simply through having clicked over to the site. All glory and thanks to the one whose hand has guided this mission and brought you here. We sincerely hope the words and images you've found here have been a source of authenticity and beauty in your heart, your spiritual life, and your relationship. Be assured of our prayers as we, like you, strive for heaven in this vocation of marriage. We’re grateful and eager to continue serving you and sharing in sisterhood in 2018!

Advent, Marriage, and Waiting in Joyful Hope

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

All of us know how difficult it is to wait: for Christmas morning, for an acceptance letter, for a diagnosis, for a spouse, for a job offer, for a child. If you’re currently engaged, you know how difficult it is to wait for your wedding day, and how the longing to be united to your beloved increases day by day.

If you’re married, you know that when that day finally does come, while it is the fulfillment of so many hopes, dreams, and prayers, it’s only the beginning. You begin to wait for the next big milestone: your first child, your first home, and so on. And when the pregnancy test is positive, or you sign the lease or mortgage papers, a new season of waiting begins.

Leah Muse Photography

It’s tempting, however, to think that once we get what we’ve been waiting for, we’ll be set. A friend of mine calls this “missing puzzle piece syndrome”. As a single woman, I struggled against the false notion that once I was married, I’d be set: no more loneliness, no more anxiety, no more waiting. Thankfully, the Lord purified me of this belief throughout my decade of singleness and helped me embrace the truth that I will be waiting and longing for the fullness of redemption until I die.

Not only did this realization prepare me for a more realistic (and therefore beautiful) understanding of the purpose and meaning of marriage, it also prevented me from making my husband into an idol, or expecting him to save me. Marriage, like all of vocations, is a path, not an end unto itself. And in that sense, it is a season of waiting like Advent.

As I’ve gotten older, Advent has become more to me than a season of waiting and preparation for the great feast of Christ’s Nativity; it’s also a reminder to us that we, both as individuals and as a Church, are still in Advent. We are still waiting for Christ to come, both at the end of time and into each moment of our daily life. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (now Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI) wrote that

Advent is not just a matter of remembrance and playing at what is past—Advent is our present, our reality: the Church is not just playing at something here; rather, she is referring us to something that also represents the reality of our Christian life. It is through the meaning of the season of Advent in the Church’s year that she revives our awareness of this. She should make us face these facts, make us admit the extent of being unredeemed, which is not something that lay over the world at once time, and perhaps somewhere still does, but is a fact in our own lives and in the midst of the Church.

As Advent draws to a close, take some time to meditate on the fact that no matter what you are waiting for, the Lord has even more that he desires to give you: Himself. And you don’t have to wait till Christmas morning to receive this gift: He is waiting for you now, in the Eucharist, in his Word, and in the incarnate love of those he has placed in your life. 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Five Distinctively Catholic Ways to Celebrate Christmas as a Couple

STEPHANIE CALIS

The season of Advent is rich with rituals and traditions: prayers like the O Antiphons and St. Andrew Christmas Novena; Advent wreaths; nativities; Lessons and Carols; the feasts of St. Nicolas, the Immaculate Conception, Our Lady of Guadalupe, and St. Lucia. Each of these point us to our Bethlehem, stretching us in desire and anticipation for the Father’s most generous gift to us: his own, beloved son.

Elissa Voss Photography

But what about the Christmas season? Suddenly, after four weeks of preparation and deeper silence, you’ve arrived at the humble stable where our Savior was born, perhaps with a sense that there’s less time or opportunity to celebrate liturgically. It’s true the Christmas season might bring with it different social obligations than the days prior--matters like travel and extended visits with family and friends--yet it’s still possible to truly enter into Jesus’ birth by creating new spiritual traditions of your own. Here, five suggestions for continuing to cultivate prayer, reverence, and wonder with your fiancé or husband after the fourth purple candle is lit:

Go to Mass, as a couple, as often as possible.

If the two of you have time off from work or school, take advantage of daily Mass. At Christmas, the reality of the Incarnation--of our salvation come down to us in the flesh--rings out. Meditating on the living Jesus in the Eucharist, in light of his coming to us as a tiny child, is profoundly beautiful. May we receive him, may we come to adore him, in full. Even if you’re staying with faraway family or friends as guests or have a packed social calendar, carving out an hour to attend Mass together, maybe with time for a quick coffee date after, is a relatively small investment of your time that pays dividends in graces received.

Host a Christmas morning party…

...in the middle of the night. If you’re attending Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, invite friends from your parish or community to celebrate with you after. It can be as simple as a potluck, caroling and games or as involved as a more formal, elaborate meal. One of my fondest memories of growing up is the block party my parents and neighbors would hold each year on the night of Christmas Eve, chatting in the street around a fire pit while sharing Christmas cookies, wine, and simple hors d'oeuvres.

Delve into the gift of self.

St. John Paul II wrote, “The human body includes right from the beginning…the capacity of expressing love, that love in which the person becomes a gift – and by means of this gift – fulfills the meaning of his being and existence.” If you’ve never taken in this great saint’s Theology of the Body, a series of weekly audiences intended to illuminate our identities as man and woman within the Father’s divine plan for creation and salvation, the Christmas season is the perfect time for an introduction. The Theology of the Body explains the ancient, constant truth of God’s immense love of lavishing gifts on us, his created and embodied children--made out of love, for love, in his own image--in the language of spousal imagery and the hope of our resurrection and eternal life. After all, it’s through the body that Christ is born to the world; through the body that he lays down his life; through the body that we receive his real presence still, the source and summit of our faith.

Create a ritual to celebrate the Christmas Octave.

The Octave of Christmas, as its name suggests, is the first eight days of the season, beginning on Christmas Day and concluding with the Nativity of the Lord. Liturgically, each day of the octave is celebrated as a solemnity, as if each day is equal in magnitude and joy as December 25.

To acknowledge and feast in these eight days, consider employing a special ritual with your beloved for each day or night of the Octave. You might exchange daily love letters or prayer intentions, Mass or Adoration, and enjoying a treat together--samplers of coffee, spirits, or chocolate are widely available, at every price point, around this time of year.

Anticipate Epiphany.

It’s a great gift to us that seasons within the Church are so distinctive, with particular practices for all her various feasts and celebrations. As the Feast of the Epiphany, the conclusion of the Christmas season approaches, take time to consider ways you might celebrate as a couple, such as King Cake or the Chalking of the Doors.

The first year we were married, my husband and I drove four hours to stay our families for the holidays, the trunk of our shared car packed with half-ready gifts. We stayed up long past midnight on Christmas Eve, drinking coffee and wrapping presents. He hoped, he told me, that every Christmas to come would be marked with a similar giddiness borne of anticipation, exhaustion, and a shared life. My heart beats faster when I stop to recognize that in the years since, that’s been more than true.

We love walking with you in your vocation and your own pilgrimage to the Christ Child, and would love to hear the Christmas rituals you’re developing in your own relationship and home!

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Mary the Dawn: Immaculate Conception Meditations for Couples

The Solemnities throughout the church year are a wonderful opportunity to take the time to reflect on the mysteries of our faith with your fiancé or spouse. Today, on the feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Mother, we hope you will be blessed and inspired by the quotations and prayers below. 

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee. Amen. 

Mary is a “symbol of hope” for us all.

For these weeks of Advent she stands before us as the woman who is carrying the Hope of the world just under her heart and, thus, going before us on our way as a symbol of hope. She stands there as the woman in whom was is humanly impossible has become possible, through God’s saving mercy. And thus she becomes a symbol for us all. For if it is up to us, if it depends on the feeble flame of our goodwill and the paltry sum of our actions, we cannot achieve salvation. However much we are capable of, it is not enough for that. It remains impossible. Yet God, in his mercy, has made the impossible possible. We need only say, in all humility, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord” (cf Lk 2:37f.; Mk 10:27). --Joseph Ratzinger, What It Means to Be A Christian

“Mary Immaculate first and fully bore Christ within.”

"Our Lady offers God her canticle of faith this Advent.  As she watches her belly grow large with God, she becomes our Patron as we join her--waiting, watching, the Christ-Seed planted in us all. We learn from her how to foster the Christ-life within.  As we keep vigil, Our Lady sits with us, listening with the patience of a mother, responding with the creative energy of a young girl.  She teaches us that nothing is impossible with God.  She tells us her story--the trials, challenges, and adventures that attend us when God dwells within.  Christ rests in her womb, and Mary is transformed.  We are invited into that love and transformation.  Mary Immaculate first and fully bore Christ within.  This Advent, find yourself caught up in Our Lady's love for Christ.  Tell her your story.  Let her delight in God's love for you.   

O God who gives us grace to triumph over sin, make us beautiful in purity and truth so that Christ may be fully formed in us.  

Pray for us, holy Mother of God."--Caryll Houselander, Reed of God

“God does not want a certain percentage of us...he wants our whole being.”

Mary is the gift of mankind to Christ. And this in turn means that the Lord does not want some thing from man, but man himself. God does not want a certain percentage of us. He wants our heart; indeed, he wants our whole being. He wants our faith and the life that is based on faith. And from this life, he wants those gifts of which he will speak at the Last Judgment: food and clothing for the poor, compassion and mutual love, a word that gives consolation, and a presence that brings comfort to the persecuted, the imprisoned, the abandoned, and the lost.

What can we offer you, O Christ? We certainly offer him too little if all we do is to exchange costly presents with one another, gifts that are not the expression of our own selves and of a gratitude that otherwise remains silent. Let us try to offer him our faith and our own selves, even if only in the form of the prayer: “I believe, Lord, help my unbelief!” And on this day, let us not forget the many in whom he suffers on earth.-- Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, The Blessing of Christmas.

Mary, Undoer of Knots

"The knot of Eve's disobedience was loosed by the obedience of Mary. What the virgin Eve had bound fast through unbelief, this did the virgin Mary set free through faith." --St. Irenaeus

“Mary the Chalice, Christ the Saving Blood.”

Mary the Dawn, Christ the Perfect Day;

Mary the Gate, Christ the Heav’nly Way!

Mary the Root, Christ the Mystic Vine;

Mary the Grape, Christ the Sacred Wine!

Mary the Wheat-sheaf, Christ the Living Bread;

Mary the Rose-Tree, Christ the Rose Blood-red!

Mary the Font, Christ the Cleansing Flood;

Mary the Chalice, Christ the Saving Blood!

Mary the Temple, Christ the Temple’s Lord;

Mary the Shrine, Christ the God adored!

Mary the Beacon, Christ the Haven’s Rest;

Mary the Mirror, Christ the Vision Blest!

Mary the Mother, Christ the Mother’s Son.

Both ever blest while endless ages run.

Amen.

--Medieval English text

The Spoken Bride 2017 Gift Guide, Curated by Our Vendors

Last year, our team shared with you our favorite gifts for fiancés and spouses, family, and friends. Today, with our gratitude, we've turned to our vendors. Here, some top picks from their gift lists:

Lindsay Trezza, Artist, Just Love Prints

Handmade Wooden Pocket Rosary: This shop, Catholic Woodworker, is one of my favorites! Owner Jonathan Conrad is a talented craftsman who uses his woodworking skills for the glory of God. Any one of his creations would make a great gift for a husband, but this pocket rosary is definitely my top pick.

Customizable Wedding Vow Print: If you someone you know is celebrating their first, second, tenth--or 50th--Christmas together as husband and wife, this hand-painted 8x10 print will make the perfect keepsake. Give to a friend or create one for yourself! It's customizable with names and a wedding date to make this a truly unique gift that will be treasured for years to come. 

Lighthouse CD of the Month Club: With this subscription, a different Catholic CD is delivered to your mailbox each month. The discs cover a wide range of captivating topics that are great for long car rides and daily commutes. I think it's a perfect gift idea for parents and in-laws!

"Love Begins at Home" Print: This hand-painted print of St. Teresa of Calcutta's words makes a lovely addition to any home, as a holiday housewarming gift or any time of year. 

JUST LOVE PRINTS | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | PINTEREST

Brianna Fitzpatrick, Videographer + Photographer, OC Media

Artifact Uprising Photo Book: For a recently married couple, Artifact Uprising allows you to personalize your books to make them special. We often give these as gifts to our photography clients, and they LOVE them. Another great gift idea from the same company is a personalized photo box, accompanied by prints. We also love these wedding memory boxes from Etsy, or these glass keepsake boxes.

JORD watch: We were at a wedding where a bride gifted this to her soon-to-be husband the day of the wedding. Not only was it a beautifully crafted wooden watch, but it made for some great pictures during the wedding day! It was a great cue for my husband, who ending up gifting me with my own for Christmas that year. I absolutely love my watch!

Martin Family Icon: This can be a very beautiful gift from children to their parents! The Martin family holds a special place in our own hearts because they represent a whole family of saints.

OCULI CORDIS MEDIA | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Emily Ricci, Designer, Gloriam Marketing

Engraved handwriting bracelet: I actually gave this engraved bracelet to my mom as a thank you present at our rehearsal dinner, but it is such a sweet idea for any occasion to give to the awesome women in your life! The jeweler actually takes your handwriting and engraves it onto a bangle, necklace, or ring, which adds a beautiful touch of love and personalization to the gift. I love the idea of  aiding in creating a piece for a loved one!

Catholic Planner: This planner is perfect for just about anyone. It includes Scripture passages, Mass readings, and even space for journaling. For someone like myself who likes to be super organized, it's nice having that reminder right in my planner pages to let go and offer my busy life to the Lord.

GLORIAM MARKETING | WEBSITE I FACEBOOK I INSTAGRAM

Mel O’Keeffe, Photographer, Mel Watson Photography

The Night Sky Custom Star Map: I ended up giving this as a gift to my husband for our first anniversary this past August. It serves as the perfect Christmas gift, too! Want to see what the night sky and constellations looked like the night you had your first kiss, got engaged, or held your wedding reception, in poster form? All you do is enter the month, day, year, and location of your significant event and BOOM! The Night Sky finds the coordinates of that location, making instant constellation awesomeness to remind you what the stars looked like on a super meaningful and important night. You can also add a quote or words at the bottom of the poster.

The Little Oratory: A Beginner's Guide to Praying in the Home: This book is worth its weight in gold. My best friend gifted it to me right before I got married, and it's been so helpful for me and my husband in creating an intentional, prayerful environment in our home. The authors cover everything from praying the Rosary as a family to living liturgically to how to create an altar or "little oratory" in your home! It's perfect for a girlfriend who is engaged and is preparing for marriage, or friends who have recently gotten married. It truly is an aid for those striving to create their own domestic church.

MEL WATSON PHOTOGRAPHY | WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

---

This season comes down to letting "earth receive her king"--heaven come down to us in the Incarnation, the ultimate act of spousal self-gift. Know of our prayers for you and your beloved during this sacred time of Advent. Be sure to check out our vendors' most recent work and to share your favorite gift ideas in the comments and on our social media!
 

The Language of Complementarity

STEPHANIE CALIS

After my conversion--largely shaped by the future St. John Paul II’s Love and Responsibility and Theology of the Body audiences--but before my first serious relationship, I thought the “rules” of pursuit, along with men’s and women’s unique and complementary roles in it, were totally clear: men should pursue and initiate, and women should receive. It was simple, until it wasn’t.

PHOTOGRAPHY; AN ENDLESS PURSUIT

The first time my now-husband Andrew asked me out, I said no. I’d recently ended a long relationship and knew I should take time to recharge spiritually and emotionally. At the time, we’d been friends for months, and I knew deep in my heart we would one day be married. He was perfectly understanding of my wanting to wait before we began dating, and said to tell him when I was ready.

None of my spiritual books had prepared me for this. The ball was squarely in my court, put there in a way entirely respectful and well-intentioned on my husband’s part. But I worried: I was more than comfortable having our feelings for each other out in the open, yet suddenly I was in the position of pursuing, rather than waiting to be pursued, as I discerned the proper time for us to date.

Conversion is a funny thing. It sweeps you up in divine romance, in all its goodness and beauty, then forces you to reconcile all that romance with reality.

In my case, I felt bound by the TOB-inspired nature of complementarity: as a woman, how could I tell this man I was ready to walk into what I hoped would be forever, without stepping outside the boundaries of what I thought was feminine?

As we began dating, that question of how to be feminine arose again during the times I wanted to take his hand first, the times I didn’t mind driving for our dates, and the times I wanted to treat him to coffee on my dining hall plan. Then, without my noticing, the questions started fading into the background. Simply as we settled into each other and forged an identity as a couple, an easiness and peace took over.

Like many goods that might initially seem like rules, the language of pursuit and complementarity now seems more to me, in reality, to be a roadmap to a flourishing relationship. At its root, pursuit is about freedom: allowing man and woman to each become more fully who they were created to be.

And while it’s true there are inherent and good differences between men and women, it’s also true each person is uniquely, unrepeatably made. The ways in which each of us lives out those differences speak to our individual strengths and virtues, and reality doesn't always fit neatly into spiritual boxes.

What I’ve come to realize, through the subtlety born of time and maturity, is that femininity doesn’t always mean always being the asked, never the asker; always the pursued, never the pursuer; always the comforted, never the comforter. It doesn’t mean being afraid to argue or voice strong opinions.

It means loving my husband, in his uniqueness, in the specific way only I can. Like any language, that of the complementarity between man and woman can feel foreign at times as you navigate the different seasons of your relationship and come to know the other more deeply. Through serious dating, followed by engagement and marriage, I’ve realized I should never take for granted that I’ve won my husband’s heart. He still deserves the best of me, and for me to express my love in the ways that speak most deeply to who he is.

Have you ever been in a situation like mine, overanalyzing the “man’s role” and “woman’s role” in your relationship? I encourage you to take the pressure off of yourselves. Simply by striving to give of yourselves and receive the other in the inherently unique ways men and women do so, you are living out your masculine and feminine identities. Make it a goal to be the best, most vulnerable, most honest version of yourself with your beloved, because when you’re living in the truth, you see who you really are--who you already were, all along.

Three weeks after he first asked, I was ready, at least for the moment, to put aside convention and go out into the deep. I sat on a bench outside our college library and asked Andrew to ask me out again. In that question, I wasn’t bound by rules; I was free. A true yes always is. "For freedom Christ set us free..."

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Four Tips for Grad School Couples

STEPHANIE CALIS

When my husband and I first became friends in our undergraduate English class, he shared his dream of, God willing, one day teaching college literature courses. By the time I became his girlfriend, then his fiancée, then his wife, I knew that dream would entail many more years of school, moving, and lower income.

For many reasons, including the prospect of years of long-distance dating as the alternative, we discerned that getting married before getting settled, i.e. during my husband’s years in grad school, was where the Holy Spirit was leading our relationship. For our particular weaknesses and strengths in virtue, it's been a purification from which we emerge continually more joyful and in love.

Practically speaking, though, academic life for one or both spouses in a relationship is uniquely challenging. Grad school applications are long and daunting, always with an element of uncertainty and a forced willingness to move anywhere for the sake of a program and, ultimately, a career that's a good fit. Some full-time students, like my husband, are also student teachers. One of those pursuits alone entails bringing work home each night and working far more than 40 hours a week, for measly pay, and the combination of the two can involve even more. And, since there's not really a way around the fact that grad school is a means to an end, there are periodic needs to publish papers and travel for conferences and networking events.

I know every field has its struggles and busy times. If I can humbly shed some light on this particular field we're in as my husband completes his dissertation and final year of his PhD program, here's what has helped us ease some of the burdens of academic life:

If and when you have to move to a new area, seek out community.  

Following your beloved to a new town, maybe miles from home, can be isolating--particularly for the spouse who doesn’t have the built-in community of academic colleagues at school or a job lined up right away. After a somewhat slow start in the town where my husband was earning his Masters degree, the community life of our parish eventually drew us into volunteering with the youth group and becoming certified to teach NFP. Sharing in ministry together from the start of our marriage was was grounding. It forged true friendships we continue to maintain and cherish, even years and miles later.

For my husband’s PhD, he was blessed to be accepted into a program not far from where we both grew up. Returning to our families and college friends has been such a gift, especially as we've begun to grow our own family. Thinking you're in this alone is a lie. For me, cultivating relationships in our parish, with old friends, and in my husband’s program made a significant difference in my sense of contentment and belonging.  

Expect the unexpected when it comes to your time, and find ways to fill it while you're alone.

Like any profession, academia sometimes entails unplanned meetings and tasks that crop up during the day, particularly if your spouse is a teacher. What that often looked like for us was me expecting my husband home around a certain time, only to end up angry when his arrival got pushed back by a few hours--especially in those first overwhelming months after our son was born. Fortunately, I like to think we've become more flexible and forgiving about this over time.

I constantly remind myself that the difficulties with time aren't personal. When I strip away my pride and my temper, I know my husband would much prefer to be home for dinner on late weeknights or relaxing together rather than grading on a Saturday. Our years of marriage and early parenthood during school have been a long process of learning to identify and enjoy the pockets of free time we have together, compared to being constantly let down by expecting long blocks of leisure during evenings and weekends.

My husband is done with coursework now, but I learned early on that graduate classes are nearly always held at night, ending around 9 or 10 p.m. After a few weeks too many of endlessly scrolling through Netflix options, I made an effort to create a ritual for myself on those nights--usually journaling, painting my nails, and watching a show or movie I’d chosen ahead of time, as a way to be more intentional and to view those hours a routine to look forward to, rather than time to just get through until my husband was home.

Slack off now and then.

Really! It's a constant struggle for my husband to feel like there's always more he could be doing, which is probably true, and we try to be mindful of when continuing to work is good and important, and when just calling it quits for the day--either for the sake of his mental energy, our relationship, or our other responsibilities--is the best choice.

Discern things a year at a time.  

Following an exhausting two years of earning a Masters and one year as a very busy adjunct professor, my husband was sure he wasn't drawn to further study, yet here we are. The paths we've felt called down in our life together have changed with certain milestones, and we've tried to simply pray constantly pray as we go, asking the Lord to lead us in the right direction.

Toward the end of my husband’s Masters program, for instance--after which we’d expected to move back closer to family and for my husband to pursue high school teaching opportunities--I was offered a job that would allow us to grow our savings. We decided to stay in the area and lived there for another year and a half. It was during that time that the idea of teaching college continued pulling on his heart, and we experienced such clarity from the Holy Spirit that applying to doctoral programs was right.

If, at the beginning of all these years of school, we'd decided it was PhD or nothing, or if we'd gone into it with a just-get-through-it sort of mentality, much would have been lost from our spiritual growth and our sense of being present in our own lives.  

While in my weakness, I certainly get frustrated over our long-term academic situation more than I should sometimes, I do have the abiding confidence that we are doing God's will and that these particular crosses are sanctifying us. The truth is, I do have days where I think how nice it would be to be settled in a house in one semi-permanent place, knowing my husband would be working roughly 9-5 every day with commensurate income and be done with work when he left work. But experience has taught me academia isn't the only type of work that involves long hours and commitments we'd rather say no to--it'd be self-focused of me to think otherwise.  

So we pray and wait on the Lord, and up to now, every question of our calling has been answered with the peace that my husband completing his doctorate is the best thing for us and our family, if or until God comes knocking with something else. There's a true freedom in that.

What about you? Will one or both of you be in school by the time you're married? What's helped your relationship the most?  We love hearing your advice and being able to support each other in sisterhood as we pursue the callings unique to each of our vocations.

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Editors' Picks | Vol. 9: First Anniversary Gifts for Catholic Couples

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

The traditional first anniversary gift is paper. This month we've chosen a few of the more creative, spiritually-focused items we've found to inspire your giving and receiving.

Calligraphy: Sarah Ann Design; Photo: Gray Door Photography.

Andi, Business Director

Papal Blessing: You can start working on this gift as soon as you’re married to have it ready for your first anniversary. Even if you’re not able to visit Rome for a Papal blessing, there is still a way to have your marriage blessed by Pope Francis, with a beautiful visual reminder for your home.

Your wedding vows: Have the words from the liturgy framed or written out. This personalized watercolor from Just Love Prints is beautiful.

100 Reasons I Love You: This one is kind of self explanatory, but simply writing down all the different reasons you love your spouse, collected and stored in a jar, would be an ideal gift for someone whose love language is words of affirmation.

Birth Certificate: If it's God's will, nothing says I love you more than a brand new addition to your family!

Christina, Associate Editor

A fancy edition of a favorite spiritual book: The only thing I collect is books, and I love beautiful, hardcover versions of my favorites. Something like this edition of St. Augustine’s Confessions would be a lovely gift to receive, especially since my only copy is a paperback I’ve had since college.

A handwritten letter: I don’t know about you, but for me, there’s nothing quite like receiving a letter from my husband--particularly when it’s accompanied by flowers. Letter-writing isn’t really his thing, which makes the fact that he puts the time and effort into it all the more valuable. And bonus: it’s definitely a budget-friendly gift.

Spiritual bouquet: Who doesn’t love to know others are praying for them? Asking your friends and family to contribute to a spiritual bouquet for your spouse is a beautiful way to celebrate the first year of your life together.

Jiza, Creative Director and Co-Founder

Photograph: As a photographer, I cannot repeat it enough: print your photos! It’s one of the many ways we can tangibly remember those we love and the precious memories we have with them. Personally, as a military wife, my husband is often away for long periods of time and living in tiny accommodations. He has also missed many anniversaries. So, a photograph with a note on the back is something he can carry easily; whether that is in his wallet, the inside of his hat, or tucked in his prayer book. Plus, the beautiful thing about printed photographs is that you both can look back at those lovely images together when you’re old and gray.

Missal or Liturgy of the Hours: While you can always get an app on your phone, there is nothing like having a tangible version of anything that inspires regular prayer. For a personal touch, write a personal note to your spouse on the inside or have their name personalized on the front.

Mass Intention: I am a big believer of enrolling loved ones for Masses. Oftentimes when I feel like I am falling short in my personal prayer life, I will enroll those on my heart so I know they are being covered in the most perfect form of prayer. What a beautiful gift we have in the Mass!

Stephanie, Editor in Chief and Co-Founder

 Holy Card collection: Nearly every couple has a love for certain saints whose intercession has played a role in their love story. Honor them, and begin a collection of devotionals you can use in your spiritual life together, by assembling a set of prayer cards featuring the holy men and women who've been your special patrons. Gift them to your spouse in a nice box; I recently read a novel wherein the matriarch of a large Irish Catholic family frequently brought out her holy card box as she prayed through her intentions, and loved the idea. Need suggestions for whom the both of you can pray to in your married life? Start here with our list of saints who embody spousal love.

Tickets: These are technically made of paper, right? Surprise your beloved by planning a special date, with tickets presented in an envelope alongside a sweet note. Your evening out could be as simple as a matinee or as major as a concert, sports event, or even a flight to a weekend getaway or pilgrimage.

A portrait or religious artwork: Art prints are a lasting and possible to see and enjoy daily. A hand-drawn or painted portrait of the two of you, like this one, is a gift I’d love to receive—a sweet way to commemorate the start of your life together and welcome guests to your home. Religious art, like these beautiful images, is equally special, encouraging you to entrust your marriage to the saints’ intercession.

Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Family Bible: If you don’t have one already, invest in a family Bible! You can ask the printer to stamp your family tree in the cover of the Bible and write you and your husband’s names at the top to commemorate the beginning of your own family’s history.

A Home Blessing: If you haven’t already done so by your first anniversary, ask your parish priest over to bless your new home! You can remember the occasion with a framed print. A house blessing is a beautiful way to begin your new life together and cover your family in special graces.

Homemade Artwork: My friend Teresa made her husband an adorable piece of art for their first anniversary that hangs in their home. Her piece featured the important dates in their lives together: their first date, the date of their first kiss, and their wedding date. You can customize yours to feature your own love story and important moments in your lives.

We love sharing in your marriages and drawing inspiration from your relationships. Share your first anniversary gift ideas in the comments and on our social media!

Newlywed Life | Facing Hardship Early in Marriage

BETHANY SWANSON

Andrew Peterson has a beautiful song about marriage. It goes, Let's go dancing in the minefields, let's go sailing in the storms. This is harder than we dreamed, but I believe that's what the promise is for.

My husband William and I stood at the altar a year ago and vowed to love each other in good times and in bad. We took each other's hands, exchanged rings, and prepared to forge a path together, with wide smiles and eager hearts. We've encountered many hardships during our first year, but the sacrament of marriage is rich in abundant grace and unexpected joy.

Horn Photography & Design

I asked William what he learned during our first year of marriage, and he said, "Nothing. Absolutely nothing." At that, we both started laughing. We’ve certainly learned much in this first year. In particular, we have learned how to live the "in sickness" part of our marriage vows, and to sail the storms that accompanied a continual illness I endured.

Facing hardship has allowed me to experience the beauty of Christ's love through my husband. When I am weak, William is strong. He takes care of me when I am feeling my absolute worst, and has carried me to bed many nights. He has accompanied me to every doctor's appointment and advocated for my health. When I feel like a burden, he speaks words of encouragement. He has done the little things, like running errands, leaving sweet notes, and making dinner. He has shown steadfast love amidst uncertainty and led us in prayer when peace is hard to find. He has shown me, time and again, what selfless love looks like.

Accepting my husband’s  help didn't always come naturally. I can be stubborn, inclined to to do everything on my own. I used to envision a  spotless apartment and warm meal on the table awaiting William every day when he got home. Since I'm not working, I thought I could at least keep our house in tip-top shape. That hasn't been possible for the majority of our marriage, though: I slowly learned pushing myself beyond my body's limits wasn't good for my physical health, and that resting was actually better for our relationship.

I discovered the ways I could honor and love my husband looked very different than the ways I had imagined. I learned my role as a wife didn't depend on perfection, especially as it relates to my health.

We have faced many storms during our relatively short marriage, including a stressful move right after our wedding day, settling into a new area, navigating NFP, waiting to someday have a child, and William's challenging workload. Through each of these challenges, we've found our love refined. These experiences have given us opportunities to turn toward each other, our eyes on Christ. Through all my health issues we've come to understand how deeply we truly care for one another.

During each difficulty we face, we seek a renewal of love. We pray to receive grace and be made new. The hardships of our first year as husband and wife have bonded us together, strengthening us by showing us "what the promise is for," as Peterson sings.

These months have shown us the blissful, unimaginable joy of marriage, as well. I am still amazed that I am even married to William; sometimes so in awe of who he is as a man that all I can do is praise God. There's a peace that fills our lives, despite the hardships. We've found that attending weekly adoration keeps our hearts overflowing with love. Each night we take turns leading a prayer guided by the Holy Spirit. Our prayer time often looks like praise: praising God for the gift of marriage, for the gift of having  found each other, for the immense blessings we have.

If you are a newlywed facing hardships, remember your vows. Look for strength in your spouse and in Christ.

Don't get discouraged by your own failings or your spouse's, or the challenges that life presents. Have hope, that this is a part of your vocation, one you have been called to live selflessly. You and your spouse are being refined and being made new. Turn to prayer, and be a living testimony to the grace of the sacrament.

Step back from the storm now and then, the better to see all the good that's happening: all of your spouse's goodness, and all of God's goodness. Praise God for every gift in your life.

---

About the Author: Bethany Swanson studied Humanities and Catholic Culture at Franciscan University of Steubenville. She has served as a Jesuit Volunteer with JVC Northwest and as an assistant at L’Arche Spokane. She’s currently a stay-at-home wife and blogger at Strengthen My Heart and spends her free time reading, sewing, cooking, and learning photography. Originally from Oregon, Bethany now enjoys the beaches and warm weather of California with her husband William.

BLOG | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Newlywed Life | The Joys and Challenges of Having a "Honeymoon Baby"

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Many Catholic couples hope for a "honeymoon baby," either because they dream about having a large family, or (like my husband and I) they get married a little later and want to start their family as soon as possible. Some newlyweds have a come-what-may attitude toward pregnancy: if it happens right away, it happens, and if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. There are couples for whom it is a matter of prudence to avoid pregnancy in the early months or years of marriage. And there are couples who would love to get pregnant right away, but struggle to conceive--couples for whom friends’ pregnancy announcements, or even a blog post like this, can be painful to read.

My intended audience for this post is those engaged and newlywed couples who are afraid of or anxious about getting pregnant right away (and by “right away”, I mean within the first year of marriage), for whatever reason. Perhaps you’re afraid of how having a child will change your relationship with each other. Maybe you’re anxious about how different life will be once you have a baby who is entirely dependent on you for everything. It could simply be that the thought of going through all of the less-than-pleasant aspects of pregnancy and childbirth is terrifying--especially in a cultural climate where pregnancy is often looked upon as an illness that needs to be treated, instead of a natural state of being for a fertile woman.

PHOTOGRAPHY: KAITLYN HEACOCK PHOTOGRAPHY

Whatever the source of your fear is, I can probably relate, because I had all the fears before I got pregnant. Thanks be to God and my wonderful husband, I was able to move past that fear and into trust, and we were blessed to conceive on my second cycle after we were married.

As happy as we were on the morning of that positive pregnancy test, I would be lying if I told you that we haven’t had our share of struggles as we adjust to the reality that we are not simply a married couple, but parents. At our childbirth classes, we are by far the most newlywed of the couples in attendance. In the eyes of many, Kristian and I didn’t give ourselves enough newlywed time to enjoy being “just us” before we invited a third party into the mix. And I get that.

Part of me wishes that I hadn’t been in the first trimester haze for three of the ten months that we’ve been married. Part of me wishes that Kristian and I had been able to take a camping trip with all of the awesome gear we got as wedding gifts before I started having to use the restroom approximately twenty times a night. Part of me wishes that we could have had years to take advantage of Kristian’s flight benefits (he works for a major airline), travel the world together, and enjoy being “just us”.

But that’s not the best part of me, and I know it. I know that, at the end of the day, my life and our marriage is not about me--or us--it’s about being living witnesses of the love of a God who continually pours himself out to us. I also know that so many of my dear friends and family members would have loved to get pregnant right away, but had to suffer through years of fertility struggles, and in some cases are still struggling. I don't know why we received this gift right away, but I know that it is a gift.  And when I look back on the past ten months, mild morning sickness and weight gain notwithstanding, I wouldn’t change a thing.

The first trimester, when I felt sick and tired 90% of the time (the rest of my pregnancy has been relatively easy), was such a time of growth in our relationship and an opportunity for me to receive Kristian’s love and for him to serve me in a new way. Staying in more and socializing less gave us an opportunity to spend quiet evenings together that we won’t have again until our children are grown and out of the house. Knowing that our family is growing has given us more of an eternal perspective on things like finances and home ownership. I knew when we were dating and engaged that my husband had a servant’s heart, but since I became pregnant, I’ve been newly struck by his selflessness and daily sacrifices.

Now, as I settle into the third trimester and the reality that I am a mother and we are actually going to have a baby sinks in, I give thanks for our son, who will undoubtedly draw my husband and me even closer to Christ and one another, and teach us to love in radical new ways that we can hardly imagine. And while it is scary to think about how different our lives will be once Baby arrives, I know that fear is never from God. He gave us the grace to say “yes” to the vocation of marriage, and he will pour out new graces upon us as we welcome our son into the world. And if the Lord gives you and your future spouse the gift of a honeymoon baby, whether or not it was in your plan, you can expect the same outpouring of grace.

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TWITTER

Receptivity: The Essence of Being a Bride

CORINNE GANNOTTI

Over a year ago, the morning of May 21st, 2016, I was in the library on the ground floor of my beautiful high school, getting ready for my wedding. The Mass would be held in the St. Francis de Sales Chapel at the very center of my alma mater, where I’d sat for school Masses so many times before. Even before then, I had come often as a little girl with my parents, who have worked there since before I was born.

In those final moments between the library bookshelves, just before my mom and sister helped button the back of my dress and my dad hugged me one last time, as I tucked the strand of hair back into place behind the pin it kept slipping out of, the priest who would celebrate our Mass came down to see me.

Elizabeth M Photography

He pulled me aside to tell me one last thing--“the most important thing”--according to him, before I walked upstairs and the celebration started. His words were these:

“You have done so much to prepare for this moment. So much planning, so much preparation, so much prayer. Endless conversations have been had, decisions made, things accomplished. You don’t need to focus on any of that anymore. All you need to do now is simply receive. Just sit back and place yourself in the position to receive all the grace God wants to pour into your heart through this sacrament. Don’t focus on any other details at this point. Just open your heart and receive all the love that’s about to flood in.”

They were the words I needed to hear. He knew that. He had probably given similar advice to other brides on their wedding days, and as he hugged me and told me he’d see me upstairs, I let them sink in.

These words shaped the rest of my wedding day. They’ve shaped my life as a wife since. They have radically impacted my experience of this vocation, and thank goodness for that. I’m not sure if that sweet priest realized the weight of his words for me.

But because of Fr. Gregory’s little reminder that what God wanted for me on my wedding day was to receive his grace in a profound and tangible way through the gift of my husband, I could recognize and truly receive that gift. The gift of peace I felt poured onto me on my wedding day seemed to drape over everything. I felt how deeply bridal it was to position myself with my heart open to Christ and those around me--particularly the man who became my husband that day.

I’ve realized more and more since that humble receptivity is the very essence of this vocation. Living as a wife means the constant work of receiving your husband with love. Living as a mother extends this reality profoundly to your children. Living as a woman, in a most basic and beautiful way, asks us to make our hearts a home for all those we encounter.

And even further, the vocation of marriage asks that we be prepared to be received by our husbands in love, and to accept the love of Jesus through them. Trying to return, again and again, to a place of intentional openness is so woven into my experience of being a wife that I can see it as the bridge that connected engagement and marriage for me.

It’s true that many things change through the reception of this sacrament and the entering into this new stage of life, but what remains essential is the call for an open heart--even if its expression changes shape over time.

And so engaged, married, or single, these priestly words of wisdom shared with me that May morning can inspire your heart like they have mine. When we are open to the grace God wishes to give us each day, He will never cease to meet us and pour Himself into us to make us stronger and more capable of love. And that will always make us able to more wholly receive each day the gift it is meant to be.

---

About the Author: Corinne Gannotti studied Theology and Catechetics at Franciscan University of Steubenville and works now as a middle school religion teacher in Pennsylvania. She loves many things, not the least of which include theatre, her hilarious husband Sam, running, Dunkin Donuts, and St. Bernadette. She and her husband are anxiously awaiting the birth of their first baby. She is a consistent contributor to the Integrity blog. 

BLOG | iNSTAGRAM

Editors' Picks | Vol. 8: Honeymoon Essentials

At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

In honor of our own Social Media Coordinator Elise Crawford Gallagher’s very recent nuptials, we’re sharing our favorite travel essentials for a romantic getaway as Elise takes this month to relax and soak in her first days of newlywed life with her new husband, Hunter!

Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Board & Card Games: I was so blessed to have one of my bridesmaids and best friends hand me a “honeymoon gift bag” the day of my wedding. She packed lots of yummy snacks, some coconut oil, and card games. After a crazy few weeks leading up to the wedding, Hunter and I had fun spending some downtime just playing games and relaxing.

Travel Bag: One of my favorite delights of wedding planning was receiving unexpected gifts in the mail! While I mostly kept my registry items to things we need for our new home, I decided on a whim to add this overnight bag to my Anthropologie registry. I felt so spoiled and special when one of our family friends sent it to me! I was nice to receive something just for myself and to remember our honeymoon by. Hunter was gifted this duffel bag and loves it as well.

Charger Roll-Up: It’s so simple, but this roll-up pack can help keep your chargers and wires organized during your busy travels. I hate having to dig around in my purse and luggage to find my chargers. This way, you can charge your phone as soon as you get to your hotel room!

A Shared Book: Although Hunter and I didn’t plan enough ahead to do this on our own honeymoon, I think it would be so romantic to read a book together while traveling. It could be nonfiction, or a piece of theology you’ve been meaning to read. You can take turns reading to one another out loud, and you'll forever remember that book as the one you read together on your special trip.

Jiza, Creative Director and Co-Founder

Simple Cleansing Facial Wipes: We all know skincare is super important, but when you are traveling, the change of environment and/or eating out can wreak havoc on your skin. I always bring along gentle cleansing facial wipes for the ease of packing, particularly this brand since it's also free of dyes, artificial perfumes, or harsh irritants that can further upset your skin.

Yelp App: I heavily depend on Yelp ratings and reviews every time we go anywhere new. Particularly if you love discovering and supporting local small businesses, this is a great app to have on hand. On occasion, businesses will also offer deals and special savings to “unlock” when you go check them out.

Packing Cubes: Sharing a suitcase? Packing cubes are a nice way to keep things separate and organized. They minimize having to dig around in your suitcase just to find that one sock or elusive bathing suit bottom, and I also like that that the cubes keep you accountable with not overpacking.

Mesh Bag: This is for dirty laundry, because you will definitely have some by the end of your trip! Toss in your used clothes each day for the ease of washing them once you return home.

Andi, Business Director

Scott’s Cheap Flights: Daily emails for this service are free, or you can opt for premium service for $39 a year. In a nutshell, Scott's researches travel deals and shares the best finds and how to get them. If you’re planning to travel internationally in the next year, this one is a must!

Bobbi Brown Blush: I don’t wear a ton of makeup, but this blush is my daily staple. It helps in making you look alive after hours of travel to your destination!

Mass Times: My family uses this app whenever we are more than 20 miles from home and need to find a Mass. It’s never let us down, even with international travel.

Quart-Sized Baggies: I realize that this probably the least romantic thing to pack, but hear me out. Our family likes to bring home little treasures from wherever we visit. We currently collect a sand from every beach we visit for our sand jar, for instance, and on a recent hike, my kids brought home an insane amount of quartz. These mementos are such a sweet reminder of our travels, and you’ll need something sturdy to take home heftier items like sand and rocks. Other practical uses: TSA lets you take one of these with liquids on a plane, good for holding wet laundry, packing up leftovers, and keeping small things like undies and socks organized in your suitcase.

Christina, Associate Editor

All-purpose wipes: My husband Kristian and I honeymooned in a less developed country--Nicaragua--and did quite a bit of exploring. It was so nice having these wipes on hand for less-than-optimal bathroom situations, cleaning our hands before eating picnic lunches, etc.

Here Maps App: If you’re honeymooning in a foreign country and don’t want to purchase an international data plan, this app is a lifesaver. Kristian used it the whole time we were in Nicaragua to help us navigate to our various destinations--and it never steered us wrong! You can download an accurate map of any city/country that you plan on visiting before you get there, and it uses your phone’s GPS (which doesn’t need internet or data to operate) to give you directions.

Rental Car Insurance: This tip comes from my husband, who learned the hard way that paying for the full insurance package when renting a car abroad can save a significant amount of time and money. We honeymooned during the windy season in Nicaragua--and I mean windy! While we were en route to our resort, a giant tree branch blew straight into our windshield, cracking and splintering it. After we recovered from the shock (and said a prayer of gratitude that the branch didn’t come through the windshield and kill us), we realized our honeymoon had just gotten a lot more expensive.
 

Stephanie, Editor in Chief and Co-Founder

Journal: If you don’t already have a shared journal like Elise and Hunter do, your first trip as a married couple is the perfect occasion to start a space for recording your travel memories and, later, everyday ones and notes to each other. These handsome leather versions have space for your new, shared monogram.

Zomato App: For me, one of the best parts of traveling is enjoying special meals and off-the-beaten-path spots--on our honeymoon in Wilmington, North Carolina, my husband and I had the most fried, most delicious Southern food you can imagine at a tiny local buffet with melamine plates and checkered vinyl tablecloths, on a recommendation from a grocery store cashier! Zomato is a restaurant recommendation database that allows you to search for food by city, cuisine, meal, price range, and more, alongside reviews, contact info, and booking options--perfect for narrowing down dozens of options in a new-to-you city.

Multitasking makeup: Particularly if you’re headed somewhere beachy, a minimalist beauty look in bronzy or shimmery shades can mirror an inner sense of contentment, relaxation, and little fuss. This dual-ended stick from MAC for eyes, cheeks, and lips cuts down on the need to pack multiple products, has the added benefit of being non-spillable, and the coppery shade would flatter a range of complexions.

Kimono-style wrap: For layering over dresses, as a poolside cover-up, and for lounging in your room, a flowy wrap is pretty and versatile. If you can’t tell, I love the challenge of packing items that serve more than one use!

We love making new discoveries through you. Be sure to share your most romantic, practical, or pretty essentials for travel in the comments or on our social media!

The Embodiment of a Bride: A Reflection for the Feast of the Assumption

STEPHANIE CALIS

As I’ve grown into my vocation through its seasons of engagement, marriage, and motherhood, wearing these roles lightly at first, like a new sweater, until they become familiar--if not at all times comfortable--Our Lady has frequently been at the center of my prayer life. As daughter, spouse, and mother, she’s our ideal of earthly perfection.

Rae and Michael Photography

And make no mistake; Mary’s perfection, her identity on the whole, is an inspiration to contemplate. Yet often, I find myself wondering what individual personality traits and quirks of character lay beneath the pious images and titles. I wonder what her daily life was like in Nazareth: What were Our Lady's hobbies? Were Mary and Joseph ever bothered by each other, and did they simply ignore bad habits or correct them with perfect charity in their sanctity? What sweet rituals and traditions did the Holy Family have? Did Jesus have tantrums as a toddler?

I think the reason so many questions about Our Lady’s unique heart, particularly on this day of her Assumption into heaven, arise in my own is that on some level I want to identify ever more with her in our shared roles as wives and mothers. While I’m more than aware how short I fall of Mary’s flawless obedience and purity of intention, beholding her as an ideal stands as a constant reminder to me of what I’ve promised in my wedding vows. She is a tangible, human example, an embodied woman whose body was received into the heavenly banquet on this day. What joy must have resounded through the heavens in her reunion, for all eternity, with her beloved son and husband.

Throughout engagement, and on through my days navigating newlywed life and new parenthood, I’ve grown so aware of how easy it is to believe the enemy’s lies that I’m not good enough; not as a bride, not as a wife, not as a mother. I say this to you as much as I say it to myself:

Look to Our Lady as a stronghold of truth; the truth of who you are and who you were created to be.

In her Yes to bearing the Son of God, Mary redeems each of us, and perhaps redeems us as women in a particular way. Eve’s giving in to the first lie--the possibility that God might not be enough to satisfy, that we ourselves might not be enough for him--is turned on its head in Our Lady’s humble fiat, the freely given surrender of her will out of complete trust in the Father. She desires only what is of God, who is truth himself.

What fruits, then, can you gain from this joyful feast, specifically in your identity as a bride? Again, for me, Mary’s bodiliness comes to mind. Her body and soul were seamlessly integrated, without the shadow of sin, in such a way that she is the total embodiment of beauty, of obedience, of faith.

Pray about ways you might put yourself, body and soul, at the service of love, in a way that befits your current state (engaged, married, or as a mother): through physical affection for your fiancée, husband, or children, offering chronic or temporary pain or health issues for the intentions of your beloved or your wedding guests, through embracing late-night wake-ups with an infant. Know and believe that you are enough. When it gets hard to believe, fix your eyes on our heavenly mother, our sister. You are a gift. From me to you, Happy Feast Day.

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Prayer Books for Brides

MAGGIE STRICKLAND

During my first year of graduate school and teaching in Charleston, South Carolina, my friends and I would meet several times a week for daily Mass, and then, if our work or class schedules permitted, have coffee or breakfast together. Though we routinely attended the same Bible study each week, the morning Mass group was much more free-form, and the days we went varied week to week. Like everyone else in the group, I was single, and had a vibrant spiritual life because I had a great deal of time to spend in prayer, both in and out of church.

I moved back to my hometown shortly before meeting my husband. Though there was a strong young adult group there too, we were less involved in community as he did his dissertation research. We married just over a year after we met.

Our prayer life together has always been strong, but after marriage I started feeling nostalgic for the girl I had been in Charleston, the one who nurtured her prayer life so thoroughly.

I had been so used to the spontaneity of my personal spiritual life that I wasn’t sure what to do now that I had a spouse to consider, as well.

Ever the English major, I turned to several books to help me balance prayer and work as a newly married woman. They continue to hold valued spots on my bookshelf.

In those early months of our marriage, my husband worked seven days a week to finish his dissertation. Sometimes I felt guilty about the nights I spent proofreading for him instead of going to Wednesday night Mass or Bible study with the young adult group. My perspective started to shift, though, after reading Dom Hubert van Zeller’s Holiness for Housewives (and Other Working Women) and St. Francis de Sales’ Introduction to the Devout Life.

Holiness for Housewives encourages married women to cultivate an attitude of prayer, one that pervades all aspects of life in our domestic churches. van Zeller points out that everything we do can become a prayer if we align our wills to God’s will and strive to do what he calls us to in each moment. For me, in that busy dissertation season, that meant a lot of proofreading. Even when I didn’t want to give up my leisure to help my husband with his work, doing so became a prayer out of love for and obedience to the God who has called me to marriage. The book is rather general, though, so when I wanted specific practical advice, I turned to de Sales.

Because the chapters in the Introduction are short, I didn’t have to devote a great deal of time to reading, yet still gleaned rich practical steps to help me incorporate active prayer into my daily life, such as St. Francis’ method  for morning prayer. One of the key aspects he describes is to “anticipate what tasks, transactions, and occasions for serving God you may meet on this day and to what temptations of offending him you will be exposed.” Using this method helps me keep sight of God’s will as I’m going through my day, having made my to-do list prayerfully.

As I learned what prayer and work looked like for me as a married woman, I realized part of my initial struggle was rooted in only thinking of myself in terms of my vocation.

I’d been seeing myself as more of a wife than as a daughter of God. I had wanted to get married for so long that when I did, I got distracted by my excitement over the reality of marriage. I needed to remember that the love I felt for my husband, and his for me, was rooted in divine love.

Recognizing this, during Lent of my first year of marriage I revisited I Believe in Love: A Personal Retreat Based on the Teaching of St. Therese of Lisieux, a gift from my college spiritual director. Accordingly, I spent those 40 days--which began just a few weeks after our wedding--meditating on the fact that I was loved first and best by God, and that growing in my love for him meant I could love my spouse and fulfill my married vocation better.

St. Francis de Sales says,“Wherever we may be, we can and should aspire to a perfect life.” My prayer life looks different now from when I was single, and it will change again when, God willing, we have children. The wisdom of these authors has encouraged me to listen continuously for how God is calling me, in this moment, to pursue holiness.

---

About the Author: Maggie Strickland has loved reading and writing stories since her earliest memory. An English teacher by training and an avid reader by avocation, she now spends her days reading, writing, and volunteering in her community, trying to make her part of the world a little more beautiful. She and her husband are originally from the Carolinas, but now make their home in central Pennsylvania.

INSTAGRAM

Newlywed Life | Date Ideas for Newlyweds

STEPHANIE CALIS

The obvious changes in your physical relationship notwithstanding, newlywed life opens a wealth of special date options that simply aren’t as practical or prudent during your time as an engaged couple. My husband and I were engaged long-distance and looked forward to our married life, when we’d see each other daily, but even if you’re planning your wedding near one another, the difference between having to say goodbye at a certain point in the day and having the freedom of fewer limitations on your time is a sweet one.

If you’re looking forward to, or already living out, the realities of your newly married days and are looking to savor them in particularly memorable ways, it’s helpful to consider times of day, like early morning and late at night, when it’s far simpler and more free to spend time with your beloved, as well as the fact that after the wedding you’ll share a home.

Here, four date ideas that speak to these changes and celebrate your status as newlyweds:

Plan a late-night Holy Hour.

The graces of placing yourselves in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament as often as possible speak for themselves. Whether as a periodic date or standing weekly commitment, find a parish with Perpetual Adoration, set your alarm for the middle of the night, and head out together for an hour of prayer. Sacrificing the comfort of sleep for the sake of time with the Lord is sanctifying and unites the two of you to the faithful and their prayer time the world over.

Picnic at sunrise.

In our early days of dating, before having children meant we tend to cling to every possible second of sleep and when we lived minutes away from each other on the same campus, my now-husband and I loved meeting in the early morning to watch the sun rise from the porch of our university’s admissions office. If your engagement is taking place in the real world, off of shared college turf, it’s likely that meeting up early in the morning--before work, and from different neighborhoods--is hard to pull off. It’s a pleasure to finally wake up together as a married couple, so take advantage by soaking in the early morning together! Program your coffeemaker and pack a blanket and simple meal the night before, or drop by a coffee shop before heading to a scenic spot.

Spend an intentionally lazy afternoon in bed.

Intentionally lazy sounds contradictory. But what I mean is this: carve out time to relax with your new husband, but make specific efforts to take things up a notch from your typical weekday Netflix o’clock. One of my husband’s and my favorite ways to spend a Sunday afternoon (or, if I’m being honest with two toddlers, Sunday nap time) is to come home from Mass, make a meal for brunch, and eat in our bedroom while reading or watching a movie. I like to make things intentional and special by wearing nicer pajamas or loungewear than my typical college T-shirts, tidying up beforehand, lighting a candle, and opening the curtains and windows--taking a few moments to create a peaceful atmosphere makes it feel much less like you’re holed up in your room and much more like you’re surrounding yourself with beautiful things and, God willing, beautiful weather.

Work on your new home together.

While it’s likely the two of you began gradually moving and combining possessions and choosing several new furniture items before your wedding, new needs and projects frequently arise as you both begin hanging your hats in the same dwelling. Elevate necessary chores and errands by checking them off together and adding in an out-of the ordinary element: go shopping as a duo to complete your registry or purchase materials for a project, set aside an afternoon to assemble furniture or appliances, hang a gallery wall of your wedding photos. Choose a new-to-you audiobook or podcast to accompany your work, and pick up takeout, maybe from a spot that’s a notch above fast-casual, on your way home.

We love hearing your own experiences and offering them to our community. If there are any special rituals you've adopted as a couple after marriage, be sure to share them in the comments and on Spoken Bride's social media!

---

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

BOOK | INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK

Newlywed Life | Maintaining Your Female Friendships After Marriage

There’s deep value in treating the first months of your marriage as sacred, a cocoon to forge and strengthen your relationship as you take on a new life and mission as one. Consciously setting boundaries around your newlywed days bears such fruit in both romance and mutual respect. Whether you’re in the cocoon or out of it, though, where does your new marriage leave your longtime relationships with girlfriends?

Depending on your age, where you live, and simply on the Father’s particular call for your vocations, most of your close female friends might be seriously dating or a few years married at the time of your own wedding, or many might still be single. As a new bride, you might be joining the ranks of women in your life who’ve already entered into living with a boy, making their spouses their top priority, and consulting with their husbands before making major decisions with spending, travel, and social obligations. Alternatively, you might be one of the first to chart these waters among your group of friends.

The newness of respecting your marriage, while still not removing yourself entirely from the lives of women who were there before your wedding and who remain there after, is a balancing act and natural transition of married life that depends, in some ways, on your friends’ own life situations. Here, three ways to prioritize your husband and your marriage while maintaining close female friendships:

Actively seek ways to talk and spend quality time that don’t focus solely on your identity as a newlywed.

 Becoming a wife is a sacramental reality; a real change in who you are and the most defining identity you’ll ever take on. The complementarity of man and woman in marriage is irreplaceable, yet the bonds of femininity you share with your girlfriends is just as unique. In the aftermath of the wedding whirlwind, it can be easy for both you and your friends to turn to your wedding day and marriage as an immediate topic of conversation, which can be healthy and good. But remember that while your own life has undergone a major transition, those of your friends might be back to status quo. It sounds obvious, but is worth remembering: go outside of yourself; make efforts not only to talk about your friends’ own lives, but to just talk about non-marriage-related matters.

Two possibilities offer frequent opportunities for conversations like these. First, an article club is like a book club, but with a far lower level of commitment. Among you and your friends, choose several articles to read beforehand on a chosen topic; you’ll likely find that the content of the pieces themselves doesn’t become the main topic at hand, but the underlying ideas they spark are sure to inspire deep discussion and reflection. To springboard your conversations, we love the thoughtful content from Blessed Is She, The Cor Project, the Theology of the Body Institute, The Young Catholic Woman, and Integrity.

 Second, formally joining your friends in prayer, whether by a weekly email thread or by meeting half an hour early for Mass, is a powerful way to remain close in the Lord and to stay current on the goings-on in each others’ lives. Choose a time to periodically intercede for each others’ intentions, and entrust your friendships to Christ, his mother, and the saints. 

Host your friends.

Benedictine orders view hospitality as a charism. Consider, with your husband, whether it might be a gift the two of you are called to in the form of hosting your friends. Often, after marriage, close friends tend to keep a wider berth around newlyweds out of respect for their relationship, which is both courteous and well-intended. But sometimes you just miss each other.

Opening your home to your friends extends them an invitation into your new, shared life. Having one friend and, if she has one, her significant other, over to dinner gives you a chance to share who your husband is and deepen his friendships with your friends, or hosting a larger social event echoes Pope Francis’ reminder that “married couple[s] are therefore a permanent reminder for the Church of what took place on the Cross,” and what took place after: let your love be a life-giving witness to the joy of knowing the Father’s love and mercy.

Avoid the small things when it comes to gossip.

Complaining to a friend is often an instant source of bonding, yet it’s a superficial one. Reject the temptation to gossip about your husband or share details of particular struggles in your relationship; by refraining, you keep your problems simpler by keeping them between the two of you, and you avoid any misunderstanding on the part of a friend that could damage your husband’s reputation or paint a false picture of him. While most among us know gossip, on a large scale, is wrong and fairly easily avoidable, striving for prudence even in joking about certain small bad habits or weaknesses of your husband’s conveys deep respect.

 Of course, even with a cocoon period, matters like holidays, business travel, or weddings might mean spending more time away from your new home or time apart than you’d like. Overall, taking time to identify ways of staying close to the women in your life is its own reward, in the form of clear expectations between you and your spouse about what the first months of your marriage will be like, and in the form of habitually making concrete, rather than “sometime” plans with female friends that still prioritize your home life and marriage emotionally and geographically.

Don’t pressure yourself to strike the perfect balance of marriage and friends right away. Pray to make your relationship an invitation and witness to others, and in time God, in his faithfulness, will delight in revealing to you exactly how your unique relationship can do just that.