Erin + Andrew | Notre Dame Morning Wedding

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Erin met Andrew her freshman year at Notre Dame, but despite their many mutual friends, they didn’t get along immediately--she perceived him as too much of a bookworm! Two years later, though, when Erin’s basketball rec league needed another male teammate, she asked him to join. Their friendship grew, and over Christmas break they both attended a Notre Dame bowl game in New York. At Mass together after the game, Andrew decided he should ask Erin out. Their first date was on his birthday, and it was clear early on that they were called to marriage.

Andrew proposed ten months later and they set a wedding date for the following year, yet shortly before the wedding, they discerned that they should take a break. Though the time apart was painful, it was purifying. Erin and Andrew found themselves together again after a period of prayerful discernment, and on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, Andrew asked Erin, for the second time, to be his bride.

From the Bride: While Andrew and I were broken up, I took a trip to D.C. to visit my sister at Catholic University. While there, I visited the Basilica and, where there are many alcoves dedicated to images of our Blessed Mother throughout the world and history. I felt very drawn to the alcove of Our Lady of Perpetual Help. While there, I prayed for clarity and direction regarding my relationship with Andrew.

When we began dating again, I told Andrew about my trip and he mentioned that he had a devotion to Our Lady of Perpetual Help, including an icon of her on his desk at work. We also remembered that the first time Andrew visited my family in Philadelphia, my mom had enrolled us in the Our Lady of Perpetual Help Mass League at the Shrine of St. John Neumann.

As if Mary needed to drop another hint, there was a prominent image of Our Lady of Perpetual Help at the front of the chapel where we got engaged. We set our wedding date for June 25, as close to her feast day on June 27 as we could. Andrew and I first announced the date at my grandma's bedside just two days before she died. All of my aunts exclaimed that June 25th was my grandparents' wedding day. Grandma smiled. On the shelf of her headboard cabinet was a tri-fold wooden icon of Our Lady of Perpetual Help. Because of this, we decided to get married at Notre Dame, Our Lady's University, under the arms of the one who has been watching over us in good times and bad, and will continue to be a powerful intercessor for our life together.

Leading up to the wedding, we invited all of our family and friends to join us in praying a novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Help. We wanted to include those who’ve played a role in our sacramental journeys in the wedding, so we asked our godparents to be lectors and our Confirmation sponsors to be Eucharistic ministers. The presiding priest was my spiritual director during college, who helped both Andrew and I significantly throughout our engagement. Our ringbearer and flower girls were the children of two different couples who really encouraged us and showed us what a great Catholic marriage can look like. Of course, no one has been a better example of loving marriage to us than our parents and grandparents. I chose to make my headband out of lace from my mother's wedding dress and wore my grandmother's pearls.

Our wedding was at 9:00 A.M., so we had a brunch reception following our nuptial Mass. Despite the time of day, we still included dancing, cake and all the typical wedding traditions. Instead of a garter toss, we had a football toss! In fact, after the reception, all of our family and friends joined us for a game of touch football on the campus quad. Andrew's family has a tradition of playing touch football on Thanksgiving morning, so we wanted to honor that ritual.

When it came to our big day, we were just so excited to get married that none of the details seemed to matter. Throughout the planning process, I would frequently say, "I don't care what happens as long as the church doesn't burn down, and the priest and Andrew show up." It helped us keep the focus on our marriage, as opposed to just the wedding day.

We chose the Gospel reading for our Mass from Luke 1:26-38, the Annunciation. It is not commonly used as a wedding reading, but it held great significance to us for a few reasons. First, we felt it was fitting to honor Our Lady since she has been so crucial throughout our relationship. Secondly, we felt that Mary's fiat was perfect to reflect upon as we began our marriage together. Saying yes to God's will is what each of us are called to. Andrew and I saying Yes to our vocation to marriage is our fiat. Mary's trust in God is something we all can aspire to and she is our perfect example.

Learning to Long: A Letter to My Fiancé

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ALEXA DONCSENCZ SMITH

 

Dear Fiancé,

Today we spent the day together, and it was perfect. And at the end of the day we had to say goodbye again. We went home to separate houses and will wake up to separate worlds. Today is Sunday, and the next time I see you it will be Friday.

Right now, that feels like four days that serve no purpose. Four days to get through, to endure. Four days I don't really need.

I'm ready to be coming home to you. I'm ready to not say goodbye anymore. To spend a day that doesn't end with our going separate ways, followed by days and days apart.

Tonight, since you left, I've been really miserable. I've been angry. I've sat at my computer with a scowl on my face and frustration in my heart. I've thought about how much it hurts not to be married yet, and how long we still have to go.

I'm telling you this because it's important. It’s important that my letters to you reflect not just the joys of our engagement – tasting wedding cake samples, finding out which bridal expos have the best free hors d'oeuvres, replicating every wedding related DIY craft on Pinterest – but also the struggles, the harsh realities, and the challenges we’ve endured as a team.

The truth is that a lot of couples don't put themselves through this. Our culture has found a streamlined approach to gratification, and what that means is that couples never have to experience the pain and loneliness and frustration that comes with saying goodbye to the person you love every night until marriage. They've eliminated that, and they see it as a good thing.

I can kind of understand why they think that. It's easier. It's less painful.

The culture will often choose what is easy and painless. And on the other end of the spectrum, you and I get to learn what it feels like to long.

I get to spend the next eighteen months frustrated to not wake up with you. I get to go to bed angry on Sunday nights after you've left, knowing I don't get to be with you again for another week. I get to dwell in the pain and sadness that comes with waiting for the appropriate time to share all that I want to share with you: to live with you, to love you in the little moments every day, to fall asleep and wake up next to my best friend.

And because I've learned how to long, because I've learned what it feels like to be without you, I know I will never take our marriage for granted.

I can't wait for the way it will feel on our wedding day, knowing there is no such thing as going home to separate houses ever again. There will be no more goodbyes, no more living in different worlds during the week, no more waiting days between seeing each other. We will never take those things for granted, because we had to go so long without them. We had to struggle through not having those things, even when we felt ready for them.

Sometimes I feel defeated. Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I cry because I can't help it and it all just feels like more than I can handle.

But when I finally manage to pull myself together, I remember we are going to have something incredibly strong and beautiful. Part of the reason it's going to be so strong and so beautiful is because our right now is as difficult as it is.

This is not the easy way. But we're doing what we know is right, what we believe in and what our faith asks of us. We are doing what we know builds strong, beautiful relationships and marriages. I want nothing less with you.

About the Author: Alexa is a 2013 graduate of The Catholic University of America, where she earned her B.S. in Biology with a minor in Psychology. Since 2014, she has served as the Assistant Coordinator for Youth, Young Adult and Family Ministry for the Diocese of Allentown. Alexa and her fiancé Patrick got engaged in December 2016, and are excitedly planning and preparing for a June 2018 marriage. Together they enjoy Cracker Barrel breakfasts, long walks around Barnes & Noble, and deciding which bridal expos have the best cake samples. Alexa's hobbies include writing, photography, and drinking coffee. 

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Putting Aside the Details: My Engaged Encounter Experience

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EMILY DIBIASE

 

The day after my fiancé and I got engaged, we sat down and wrote a prayer to say together every night of our engagement in preparation for marriage. It’s a practice we began over two years ago when we started the long distance portion of our relationship, adjusting the prayer to whatever circumstances we were in at that time to bring us together spiritually even when we were physically apart.

In our engagement prayer, we were intentional in including the invocation to help us “not let the details get the way.” I was happy to include it, but thought it was a little unnecessary – I of all people certainly was not going to be a bridezilla. My fiancé and I are both devout Catholics, so I recognized that the wedding Mass was far more important than the rest of the day. Dozens of brides had warned me not to let the wedding take over my life, and after working for a church for seven years, I’d seen plenty of brides who didn’t have the joy I hoped to feel on my wedding day, since their minds were too preoccupied by details to be truly present in the day. Thus, I vowed to never let the wedding take precedence over my marriage.

Through the first five months of our engagement, I naively thought I'd kept my promise. I picked my wedding dress in less than an hour (it was the first one I tried on), I hired the first and only DJ I ever talked to, I spent hours perusing the internet to find the best deals on everything because I was determined not to go over our budget, and I hardly delegated tasks to anyone, even my fiancé. I was an easy bride…or so I thought.

The last few weeks have been jammed. As we quickly approach our June wedding, I’ve been trying to cram everything going on in my life into whatever spare hours I have, including the brilliant idea of spending the two hours we had between work and our pre-Cana program printing our DIY invitations. After an hour of trying unsuccessfully (they printed out, but were navy, not teal, and would clash with our motif), I finally barked to forget it, and we went off on our weekend. It wasn’t until I was having a complete meltdown on the way to marriage prep that I realized my priorities were way off-track. 

Oddly enough, one of the parts I was dreading most in the wedding preparations was pre-Cana. As part of our engagement present, my future in-laws had sponsored my fiancé and me to attend an Engaged Encounter weekend, a retreat-based marriage preparation program that fulfills pre-Cana requirements. I was extremely grateful for this gift, but the thought of spending an entire weekend away from our hectic lives of work, grad school, volunteering, and wedding planning was daunting.

The closer we got to the weekend, the more apprehensive I became. I knew the basic format of the weekend – someone would discuss a trigger topic of marriage (ie. money, intimacy, NFP, communication, etc.) and then we would have time to write about our responses and share them with each other. We’d also been told that it would be a working weekend and to come well rested (ha!). I imagined my sleep-deprived fiancé and myself attempting to have meaningful conversations and ending up just arguing the entire weekend. After a long week at work, the last thing I felt like doing was losing out on more sleep and fighting battles we had already settled long before.

So here we were, two devout Catholics sitting in a conference room on a Friday night dreading our pre-Cana weekend and cockily thinking that we had nothing to gain from it. I’ve planned dozens of retreats before and knew that attitude was everything, but here I was falling into the same trap as so many others before me. I was totally not present, sullenly calculating how many hours it was until we would be released, and wrapped up in worrying about how to get the invitations done on time.

At the beginning of the weekend, the moderators stressed that we were going to get out of the weekend whatever we put into it. I was cynical, but as I listened to the two moderating couples – one married for twelve years, the other for sixty – I began to realize that we have a lot to learn. These two couples opened up to us about what they’d been through in marriage: the highs, the lows, and everything in between. They were so brutally honest and open that it caused us to want to be brutally honest and open with each other as well. Their love was infectious, and I found myself slowly letting go of all of the stresses and taking the time to really look at the man I was marrying, who I realized I’d been looking past in all of my planning. Despite my valiant attempts, I’d made him just another piece in the puzzle of my dream day, instead of letting him make my day a dream.

Throughout the weekend, we slowly let our guards down and fell in love again on a deeper level through our intimate conversations. We went from being business partners, tasked with accomplishing the task of merging our lives with at times unemotional precision, to being carefree lovebirds again, totally in awe of each other and the great gift of love that we've been given by God.

What Engaged Encounter gave us was the opportunity to take intentional time to turn off every distraction and just focus on us. We talked about subjects we’d evaded in the past, or hadn't had time to fully discuss in a relaxed and loving setting. Conversations I’d never imagined bringing up that weekend came up naturally, free of tension and full of honest, thoughtful dialogue. Even more importantly, the retreat encouraged us to reground our relationship with each other in our relationship with God, and to recognize that the closer we become to Him, the closer we will be to each other.

The turning point came for me on Saturday night when we all gathered in the chapel for a special blessing. Part of the blessing involved us taking each other’s hands in the manner that we will on our wedding day. As we stood looking in each other’s eyes, I felt an overwhelming desire to marry my fiance right then and there. And suddenly, I realized it didn’t matter if the bridesmaids’ flowers were ivory or blush or if the wedding programs were printed on the same paper as the invitations; my dream wedding is going to be a dream because I’m marrying the love of my life, my best friend, the man who draws me closer to God on a daily basis, who makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, and who practices selfless, sacrificial love every day.

Before our Engaged Encounter weekend, I was excited for my marriage, but I was focused on the wedding, letting the details and the pressures of hosting a Pinterest-perfect party get in the way of continuing to feed and develop my relationship with my beloved. After Engaged Encounter, I am still excited for my “fairytale” wedding, but have become focused on my upcoming marriage and the excitement and humility I have in joining my life with the person I love most, second only to Jesus.

Did our engagement become perfect after our weekend? Not at all. On Monday morning, I still had to handle the invitation fiasco and hunt down the florist for a price on the flowers, and even now I still have to remind myself to not get so wrapped up in the details. But from the moment we left the retreat, I noticed that we were much more intentional in making sure that the other felt loved and appreciated and did our best to retain the joy in each other’s presence that was so prevalent that weekend.

On June 16th, I will once again stand opposite the man of my dreams, holding his hands and taking the biggest leap of faith I’ve ever taken. I can’t say that I’m confident the invitations will perfectly match the bridesmaid dresses or that my floating candles will last the entire night, but thanks to Engaged Encounter, I now feel more confident than ever in the most important part of the day – that I am marrying the most amazing man in the world, and that I am the most blessed girl in the world to be able to do so.

If you’d like to learn more about Engaged Encounter, please visit their website.

About the Author: Emily DiBiase is marrying the love of her life on June 16, 2017. She now works in the Marketing Department at the same college where she and her fiancé Aaron met as high school students at an accepted students day. She is currently studying for her master’s in theology through the Augustine Institute, and when she’s not wedding planning, you can probably find her teaching religious education, running the parish youth group, spending time with family, or starting her Catholic marketing company, Gloriam Marketing. She loves biblical studies, especially typology, and has strong feelings about God, Jane Austen, and the Oxford comma. She blogs about Catholic young adult life at www.catholickidproblems.wordpress.com. 

Chelsea + Nick | Pittsburgh Black Tie Wedding

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Nick and Chelsea first met at an interview for a college ambassador program. He was asking the questions, and she a freshman and the interviewee. Nick had been prompted to prepare two "creative" questions to ask Chelsea in the presence of an academic judging panel. First, he asked, if you could bring one person to a party, who would it be and why? Chelsea answered Mother Teresa, a woman who was never afraid to be vulnerable and act courageously; the perfect wingwoman. Second, Nick asked what Chelsea would name her ship if she were a pirate captain. Her response was, "Discovery. Because I hope never to cease my love for life's adventures. You either learn or succeed; you never fail."

Later that school year, Chelsea and Nick talked again, and never stopped. He’d never fail to walk her back to her dorm after spending time together. Their first official date was at a beautiful, tiny Italian restaurant with only six tables! Chelsea spent the entire day with her friends, getting ready, wondering if all the effort was too much. But when Nick walked in from the rain to pick her up, flowers in hand, she took notice of the effort he’d put in to look and be his best for her, in turn. He was constant in those efforts, even running across campus on his way to ROTC lab to visit Chelsea for just a few minutes at the program she ran for special needs students, a cause precious and fulfilling to her heart.

Chelsea met Nick’s seasoned Army family only a month after they began dating, on Valentine’s Day weekend. Prior to the visit, the two had spent significant time discussing religious faith. Chelsea had a strong spiritual life and made it clear from the start that God meant everything to her. Nick’s father was baptized Catholic and his mother was Christian, but they didn’t practice their faith much. Her nerves evaporated when Nick’s parents welcomed her like family.

To their surprise, when Chelsea and Nick sat down with his family to eat, his parents led them in grace. Chelsea knew right then that the Father was with them, and that this relationship was possible.

From the Bride: I remember telling Nick that whoever I marry must understand that the main purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven. At the wedding, our priest and dear friend Father Mac said this exactly: "It is your responsibility to get each other to the kingdom of God. " Nick and I want to build a life centered around God. This will take unconditional love, a strong commitment to one another, our children, our families, and our faith, and a true understanding that challenges must be looked at as learning experiences, moving us closer to the glory he has in store.

I never knew how to witness to my faith until Nick told me that through faith in action--Mass, daily prayers, and serving the communities around us in need--I had been evangelizing all along. We went to Mass together every week. On Pentecost during my freshmen year, I remember Nick just staring in the eyes of God at the altar. I didn’t know if he was bored or zoned out, but then he told me how incredible the feeling of the Mass and God's love felt around him, like nothing he had ever experienced. This was monumental in our journey of faith, and Nick ultimately made the decision to enter the Catholic Church.

Through Nick’s ROTC and military training, it was extremely trying to attempt going through RCIA. We tried for years, and it was frustrating. Finally, things just truly fell into place, and with an exception granted from the typical RCIA schedule, Nick received all of his sacraments over Labor Day weekend, 2015. We felt sure we were called to marriage, but Nick knew I couldn't get married until he had become Catholic--not for my sake, but for his own, because he loved his faith so much and so fully desired to be married as Catholics.

Growing up, I honestly thought I would marry someone who was already Catholic. My, did God have great plans for me! I thank him every day for the gift of journeying towards faith with Nick. I have learned so much about myself and my own faith in this process. My newfound appreciation for who I am allows me to proclaim my faith as my own, not merely a result of my upbringing; a bond that ties Nick and I together under a truly sacred bond. A sacrament. Nick thanks me for giving him his faith, but I thank him for giving me mine.

We both knew we wouldn’t be truly happy on our wedding day unless our guests were happy, too. We planned a weekend around our favorite things in our city to give people the feeling of a vacation, hoping they’d return home rejuvenated in faith and love. We held our rehearsal dinner at a Pittsburgh Pirates game and our Mass and reception as black-tie affairs.

During our wedding Mass, Nick held the rosary I gave him on his first ROTC training in college. I held the one he made for me at that training out of army string and military beads. I also held scapulars from my dad's dad. It meant the world to me hold a piece of my grandfather, my father, and my husband as we entered into the sacrament.

Everyone deserves love. Nick and I set out to make that truth known through the atmosphere of our big day. We prayed, first, to make everyone feel as beautiful outside as they are inside, and second, to remind our guests through the simple emotions between friends, family members, and spouses that all deserved to feel loved and worthy. Nick and I savored every moment. The images of how our loved ones looked at and admired each other that day is something that will inspire my love for Nick for years to come.

Photography : Levana Melamed Photography | Church: SS john and Paul Roman Catholic Parish  | Wedding Reception Venue : Le Mont Pittsburgh  | Second Photographer: Kristen Vota Photography | Flowers: Gida’s Flowers  | DJ: Andy Booth  | Bride’s Dress: Hayley Paige  | Bride’s Shoes: Nina’s Shoes  | Bridesmaids Dresses: Nordstrom designed by Adrianna Papell  | Groom’s tuxes: Men’s Wearhouse

4 Ways Your Wedding Website Can Be a Means of Evangelization

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

Aside from details like the who, the where, and the RSVPs, directing guests to your wedding website offers a unique occasion to share your faith with your family and friends. If you and your fiancé have chosen to create one, it's certain nearly everyone invited to your big day will visit your site as soon as they see the address online or in their Save the Date. So, consider your website your letter to family and friends--a large, and possibly varied, audience. Pray together about what message you hope to convey as you introduce your guests to who you are as a couple and to what your wedding day will be all about.

Stating why you believe what you do, in your own words and in a way that's truthful, casual, and aimed at the heart, can go a long way in making your Catholic wedding an invitation to deeper understanding and a witness to the beauty of marriage in the Church. You might consider adding any or all of these elements to your site:

Tell the story of a saint who's had a hand in your relationship.

If the Father and the communion of saints have written your love story, consider saying so. True stories of virtue and holiness speak for themselves, and they also provide an opportunity to break down why and how Catholics call upon the saints' intercession.

Include explanations of parts of the Mass, like communion and the Rite of Marriage, for guests who might be unfamiliar.

Briefly and charitably discussing modest dress in the chapel, guidelines for who can receive communion and why, and reasons the Rite of Marriage matters for the sacrament can all go a long way in making your guests--particularly non-Catholics or those who've been away from the faith--feel at ease and not experience surprises that could be misperceived as exclusive or judgmental, like a non-Catholic not being permitted to receive the Eucharist.

Host an open-invitation holy hour after your rehearsal.

One of the most treasured moments of my life was praying with my college best friend moments before her wedding rehearsal, in the chapel on our campus where we'd both, at some point, alternately smiled and wept thinking about our future husbands, babies, and marriages over the years. The tears poured down as we knelt shoulder to shoulder and as I marveled at how the Father had answered each of our hopes and prayers so specifically and abundantly in the men he gave to us.

At another wedding I was invited to, the bride and groom had their priest and a few friends help lead an hour of Adoration, confession, and Praise and Worship the night before the wedding for any guests who wished to attend. Heaven touches earth during those moments of hope and anticipation. Following suit, by planning a holy hour and sharing the details with your guests via your wedding site, is amazing for both you and your beloved and for friends and family who will share in your joy and intercede for your marriage.

Invite guests to leave their intentions on your wedding site, and pray for them.

Online guestbooks and song requests are fun, standard fare, but have you considered additionally including an Intention Box on your website for your guests? Create a page for family and friends to privately submit their prayer requests to you and your fiancé. Prayer for those you've invited to share in your day, whether they're attending or not attending, is a lovingly specific act of generosity. 

I hope these ways of evangelizing to your guests sincerely call your family and friends into communion with you and express what you stand for in a loving way, particularly if there are sensitivities among them where faith is concerned.

Above all, though, I truly think the best, most important witness of all is one that doesn't even need to be typed and posted--quite simply, the joy of entering into marriage with a pure heart, radiant, evident joy, and desire for complete self-gift is impossible to ignore.

Don't worry about it being your personal responsibility to change anyone's mind about the Church. Pray for each of your guests as you address their invitations or plan your reception seating, and place them in the hands of Our Lady and her son. Be yourselves--the selves who so clearly wear their love for all to see--knowing your love flows from Love himself, and what you value and what sets your marriage apart will be crystal clear. I promise!

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Vendor Spotlight | Telos Design, LLC

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Telos is a term from classical philosophy meaning “end” or “purpose.” And what, in our humanity, is our telos? To return to the Father, the source of all truth, goodness, beauty, and love.

Jessica Connolly, a wife, mother, and Catholic convert, brings our ultimate purpose into her business, striving to “[serve] others through design” and to reflect the maker’s beauty and perfect design for all creation.

A graduate of Kansas State University’s School of Architecture with seven years in the architecture field and five years of design school under her belt, Jessica founded Telos Design in 2011, shortly after entering the Church and sensing a call to pursue work that would allow more freedom and flexibility in motherhood. Her professional experience is evident in the clean-lined, geometric sensibility of her distinctive liturgical calendars that bypass pure function in favor of modern type and fine art. We can hardly think of a more original wedding gift for couples striving to live liturgically.

Unless it’s a custom gift--an offering even more original. Jessica finds herself most inspired by the natural beauty of creation; in addition to digital design, she’s also a gifted painter who specializes in personally commissioned works of art featuring brides’ own bouquets and images of the saints. Using acrylics and gold and silver leaf on wood to capture a precious memento from your big day or the spirit of a favorite intercessor, Jessica’s vivid, organic works remind us something else about God: he is almighty and the source of all, yes, but also a father who loves and knows each of us by name. Personally, unrepeatably. Eternally.

Along with calendars and custom work, Telos Design, LLC also offers beautiful prayer art prints and stationary. Jessica's passion for architecture and design extends beyond her business, too--her blog, A to Z Modern, invites you on her family's journey to renovate and furnish their gorgeous midcentury modern home in Arizona.

From Jessica, on her client experience when creating custom art: After working with high-end design clients, nonprofit organizations and surviving five years in design school, I'm used to harsh critics. And I actually work best with an outside editorial eye. So, I appreciate clients who voice their opinions while also supporting a little freedom in design.

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How He Asked | Brooke + Tim

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Note: A version of this story was previously published on For Your Marriage

Brooke and Tim met in 8th grade and became fast friends, but didn't begin dating until their junior year of high school. Unbeknownst to Brooke, Tim had liked her since their first meeting in middle school, but Brooke was hesitant to start a relationship and ruin the friendship.  "While that fear weighed on one part of my heart," Brooke recalls, "another, and stronger, part of my heart told me that if Timmy and I ever started dating, we'd never stop. That would be it, we would spend the rest of our lives together. As amazing and accurate as that intuition was, it scared 16-year-old me. Was I ready to start my journey with the person I would spend the rest of my life with? Then, one night we were talking about our futures and the kind of people we thought we'd eventually marry, and it suddenly dawned on me that Timmy was that person that I saw by my side at every stage of my life. We had our first date a week later, and the rest is history. "

In Brooke's words: We knew by our one year anniversary that God was undoubtedly calling us to marry one another. The next four years though consisted of us going to different colleges, learning how cultivate our relationship even though we saw each other only once or twice a month, and allowing God to shape us into radically different people than we were when we became best friends at 13. Over those years, even as God worked in our hearts to make us more into the man and woman He has destined us to be, we grew closer and deeper in love. Developing a shared spiritual and prayer life was a major area of growth during this time, though the distance made it hard - a major focus of our prayer life has always been the love Christ showed for His Bride on the Cross. It is that sacrificial, self-denying, and painful yet beautiful love that carried our relationship through its college years. 

It was so fitting, then, that it was the Good Friday (which was also the Feast of the Annunciation!) of our senior year when Timmy dropped to one knee and asked me to be his bride. We started off Good Friday with a tradition that we've been doing for a number of years now - praying the Stations of the Cross for Married Couples and Families. While we obviously knew that we were neither of those things, that is the vocation we were preparing our hearts for, and so the prayers were helpful to us in understanding what the true call of the cross is. After praying the stations we went to Good Friday Liturgy, followed by praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet.

As we were walking back to my Residence Hall Timmy asked if I wanted to go pray in our favorite chapel in The Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception- the Mary, Queen of All Hearts Chapel, which is dedicated to St. Louis de Montfort and his Marian Consecration. We've prayed here many times throughout our years in college and Marian Consecration has played a huge role in our relationship- and so, I thought, what a perfect spot that would be for him to ask me to marry him...after getting my hopes up I came to realize that I was wrong, and Timmy would not be proposing there.

We walked out of the Basilica and I was almost in tears when Timmy said, "Hey you wanted to see the Cherry Blossoms right? Lets go say a Rosary in Mary's Garden later." We ended up going at sunset and as we walked into Mary's Garden I saw framed pictures of us from every year that we have been in each other's lives set up all around the garden, each with a rose in front of it. At the far end, in front of the statue of Mary, was an empty picture frame with a bouquet of roses before it.

Timmy led me to the statue of Mary, turned me to face him, smiled, and said "Brooke Alexis Paris, you've been the perfect sister to me, will you be my bride?" The sweetest nod there ever was to the Song of Songs, which we've prayed over many, many times throughout our relationship. He then got down on one knee and presented me with a ring. I kissed him, said yes and then shouted "We're engaged!" 

One of my best friends, a few of his, and his sister, who had been hiding in the bushes appeared at that point, as well as two professional photographers who had stumbled upon Timmy's friends setting up the photos and asked if they could shoot our proposal (for free!). God's providence is amazing, y'all. Looking back on it, his proposal was perfect. We spent the whole day in prayer, engaging in spiritual traditions that we're so important to our relationship, and turning our hearts towards the sacrificial love of Christ that we have now promised to embody for each other for the rest of our lives. We set our wedding date for June 30, 2017 and cannot wait to enter into the Sacrament!

A bit about our engagement photos: We did our engagement session in Old Town Alexandria, Virginia. Even though I live in DC right now, we're both born and bred Virginians and so we had to cross over into VA territory to capture these beautiful photos. We absolutely adore Old Town and have celebrated many anniversaries and other occasions in the heart of the Old Town cobblestone streets. 

The session felt like taking a casual stroll in Old Town while taking in the gorgeous fall weather that we were blessed with that day. Before the session we sat down in a gelato shop to talk about some of the things we're looking forward to and what matters most to us about our wedding day. It was such a great opportunity to let our photographers know where our hearts were at and to communicate to them how strongly we feel about our Wedding Liturgy being the highlight of our day. We were also able to brainstorm some ways to make our wedding day timeline the best for us as the bride and groom but also the best for all of our guests, who we are so excited to spend the most time possible with!

Brooke's advice for engaged couples: Balancing planning a wedding with preparing for marriage is no easy task! It is so easy to get caught up in tablecloths, center pieces and cake flavors (or in our case, pie!). For us, spreading out planning our wedding liturgy and our marriage prep sessions over the course of our engagement has helped us balance the wedding details with readying our hearts for the sacrament. One week we'll be focused on place-card settings and then the next we're focused on choosing a prayer for a particular part of the Mass. It has been so fun jumping back and forth!

Elise's Wedding | How to Have an Intentional Lent as a Couple

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SAVE THE DATE ... our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

Photography by: Meaghan Clare Photography

Lent can seem like a very solitary time in the Liturgical calendar: we are called to examen ourselves and work on our habits that might not be the most helpful in our spiritual lives. However, Lent is an excellent opportunity for you to develop new, healthy spiritual habits as a couple as well as individuals.  Since Hunter and I are tying the knot this year, we decided to be more intentional about Lent 2017 than we have been in the past. 

I have to say, I don't have the best Lenten record...usually I falter in my Lenten resolution within the first couple of weeks! However, this year, I was determined to make Lenten goals that were 1.) Actually achievable 2.) Brought me closer to the Lord and 3.) Brought both Hunter and I closer to one another and deepen our faith together. We can all passively try to make a Lenten resolution while consuming way to much sugar on Mardi Gras (maybe I'm just speaking for myself here), but the key to a fruitful Lent isn't just to give up something for the sake of doing so. Lenten observance isn't for God, He doesn't need our sacrifices. Rather, Lent is for us, as Christians, to become more attuned to God in our daily lives and refocus our gaze upon His love. 

Below I've listed six ways to enter into a fruitful Lent with your signifiant other. You can choose as many items from the list as you'd like, just make sure to do so intentionally. Take some time to pray and listen to how the Lord is drawing you closer to Him this Lent. We've also included a beautiful download from The Anchor Theory that you and your beloved can use to plan your Lent. 

1. Sacrifice Something Together as a Couple: Hunter and I decided to sacrifice extra spending this Lent: no eating out or nights at the movies for the next few weeks. Sacrificing something as a couple is a great way to come together and offer something to the Lord, even if it seems small. It's an opportunity to replace something in your normal routine (eating out) with prayer and time spent together with the Lord. Make sure to intentionally set alternatives to the thing that you are giving up: instead of spending time in front of the TV together, resolve to say a rosary each week.

2. The Examen: Since "intentionality" is our theme for this Lent, we really wanted to make it a point to reflect on our daily habits and to become more aware of how we are making, or failing, to keep God as the center of our lives. The Examen is a prayer developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola and is a method to reviewing your daily routines and practices. I'd encourage you and your significant other to pray the Examen each night together. Take time for silence and individual prayer and then if you feel comfortable, share with one another your reflections for the day and how you plan to improve for the following day.

3. Liturgy of the Hours: It is important as lay people to participate in the life of the Church on a daily basis, beyond just Sunday mass. The Divine Office is a fantastic way to raise your heart and mind to God throughout the day. "The purpose of the Divine Office is to sanctify the day and all human activity" (Apostolic Constitution, Canticum Laudis). There is morning prayer, evening prayer and night prayer. Decide with your partner which time of day works best for the both of you to pray the Office. Hunter and I like to say night prayer to conclude our days together by surrendering the day's happenings to God. 

4. Bible Study and Stations of the Cross: I always cringe when I hear the joke made that Catholics don't know their Scripture! Lent is an excellent time for you and your beloved to delve into the Bible. There are great Bible studies available online but it doesn't have to be too complicated: decide to devote 10-20 minutes each day reflecting on the daily readings and or turning to a passage in the Bible and praying with Scripture. You can even practice Lectio Divina if you feel called to delve deeper into the Lord's words this Lent. Most parishes host Stations of the Cross each Friday during Lent. This practice is another great way to enter into the Lord's Word, especially as we anticipate His Passion and death. 

5. Service: As Catholics, we are called to the Corporal Works of Mercy: feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, sheltering the homeless, visiting the sick, and giving alms to the poor. Set some time aside in your calendar in the next few weeks to donate your time and resources to those less fortunate. Look to your local food bank or decide to put a few extra dollars each week in the poor box each Sunday for the remainder of Lent.

6. Blessed is She: Although this practice might be geared more towards a Bride, the Blessed is She Lenten journal is still a great way to intentionally grow in your faith this Lenten season! I have used Blessed is She's journals in the past and plan to do so this Lent. Their workshops are also awesome resources for you to deepen your relationship with God.  

What are your Lenten goals for the next 33 days? Share in the comments below! 

Download your Intentional Lent Guide HERE.

About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

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Kate + Adam | Winter Garden-Inspired Wedding

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Unknown to each other at first, Kate and Adam lived a block apart in Washington, D.C. They each lived in community, respectively, with six other women and six other men. The night their roommates planned a Cinco de Mayo party with fajitas and a fire pit, they met for the first time and talked all night next to the fire.

A few years prior, Adam had attended his good friends' wedding at St. Ann's Catholic Church near Dallas. During the Nuptial Mass, he was deeply touched by his friends' witness and prayed his relationship with is future wife would reflect the same beautiful, holy love. As he realized Kate was the answer to that prayer, he made plans to propose in the chapel at St. Ann's, which, incidentally, is close by Kate's hometown. Right after she said Yes, her family was there to celebrate.

From the Bride:
I like simple elegance. We were going for a winter garden theme and incorporated lots of creams, whites, pale pink and greenery for the flowers, with touches of gray and silver throughout the palette.

Adam and I focused our preparation for marriage on the ceremony. As Catholics, we believe the sacrament of marriage is our participation in the love of God, so planning the Mass was the most important element for us. We chose our favorite hymns and Scripture passages—including a reading from the Book of Tobit that my parents, Adam's parents, and my sister each used in their own weddings. My uncle, who is a priest, celebrated the Mass and gave a beautiful, heartfelt homily. 

We chose the Westin Riverwalk in San Antonio for our reception venue--my older sister, Maria, celebrated her wedding over two years prior, and wee knew it was a beautiful location, two blocks away from the cathedral where the ceremony would be, and we already knew and felt comfortable with the staff there.

We wanted a simple and elegant wedding cake. Our good friends at Delice made their famous almond cake infused with Amaretto and topped with buttercream frosting and fondant. Delice's head baker, Susana Mijares is a graduate of Le Cordon Bleu and was recently featured on the second season of Food Network's Spring Baking Championship. We also served the bakery's carmelitas–-bars made of oatmeal, caramel, milk, dark, and white Belgian chocolate, and pecans--one of my favorite desserts.

For favors, we assembled boxes of Irish Cream Lindt truffles that said “Love is sweet,” a flavor that reflected our upcoming Ireland honeymoon. We also made wands with bells and streamers, with a passage from the wedding readings: "Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God" (1 Jn 4:7-14).

Seeing the reception room with Adam and my parents before opening the doors to our guests was one of my favorite memories of the night. It was so humbling to see the hard work of our families and friends come together. Getting to eat, dance, and celebrate with our our loved ones is what made our reception so special--it was such a gift to be surrounded by so many people we love from various parts of our lives.

Another favorite memory from reception was the Father-Daughter dance with my dad. We had practiced diligently for over a month, and I so fondly remember dancing around our house together before the big day. Seeing that come together was also beautiful and so special! 

From the Photographer: Kate and Adam are an amazing witness to the love God intended for marriage. With every fiber of their being they radiated his grace on their wedding day, and still do in their married life. It was a true honor to be present; to witness and to capture their sacrament of love. Everyone in attendance was filled with the joy of the Holy Sprit and day was wrapped in the protection and love of our Mother Mary. If you could look into my husband and I that night, you'd have seen our hearts aglow with awe for this blessed and holy sacrament. 

By the way, Kate and Adam they had a life-size cutout of the Pope Francis at the reception! They both love him so much, and decided to include him!

Photography: Horn Photography + Design | Church: San Fernando Cathedral, San Antonio, TX | Reception Venue: Westin Riverwalk, San Antonio, TX | Celebrant: Reverend Pablo Rodriguez, LC | Bride's Dress: Rosa Clara Two | Bride's Shoes: Antonio Melani | Groom's Tux: Men’s Warehouse | Hair+ Makeup: Madame Make-Up & Hair, San Antonio, TX | Floral: Danny Cuellar of Trinity Flowers and Events, San Antonio, TX | Cake: Délice Chocolatier & Patisserie, San Antonio, TX | Wedding Coordinator: Audrey Eichelberger of Timeless Beginnings Wedding Coordinators, San Antonio, TX | Bridesmaids' Dresses: Bella Bride Boutique | Invitations: Moon Mippy Stationary and Invitations, San Antonio, TX | Band: Oh So Good! Band, San Antonio, TX

I Dos and Dont's: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | The Planning Phase of Your Engagement + 2 Downloadable Workbooks

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ANDI COMPTON

 

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

Last month, Andi introduced an alternative to a month-by-month wedding planning timeline: the Phase Approach. Here, she breaks down for you the first phase, Planning, and has created two sets of worksheets to help you envision exactly what you'd like for your Nuptial Mass and reception. They're beautifully designed, comprehensive resources we're thrilled to offer you!

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Once the excitement of early engagement starts to wane, and more and more people begin asking, “When is the wedding?” it’s time to seriously begin praying and discerning what your wedding day will be like, and how it will give glory to God.

Every couple has different expectations about their wedding day. Some imagine an intimate gathering of their nearest and dearest at a swanky hotel or art gallery, dining on rich food and dancing until midnight. Others picture everyone they’ve ever known at a casual backyard reception in the afternoon, eating a simple buffet and delicious cake, with lawn games and minimal dancing while they sit and talk to guests.  

The Planning Phase is the time to sit and talk with all the parties who will be contributing to the wedding about their expectations. While, yes, the day is to celebrate the bride and groom, parents are often investing large sums of money into the day. Their opinions deserve to be respectfully heard.

You would be surprised at how many parents, dads included, have a vision for their child’s wedding. During my own planning, I was surprised to find my husband’s family has a completely different approach to weddings than what my family was accustomed to, and my future in-laws had never been to a wedding like the one we were planning. It was also crazy to find out my dad had always thought I’d wear a ball gown (he knows me!) and that my mom always dreamed of elaborate white flowers for me.

So before you meet with any vendors, and even before you start getting numbers together to set a budget, dream big! I’ve created a free downloadable workbook for you that’s full of questions and lots of space for you to write down answers, draw or paste pictures; whatever you need to really dig deep and get to the heart of wedding planning.

The workbook below is designed to guide conversations with your fiancé and families. It has plenty of room for notes and cutting and pasting images from magazines or the internet. So please, feel free to get messy with it and get all your thoughts on paper.

We’ve also created a checklist for this Planning Phase that begins upon engagement and generally ends about 6-9 months before the wedding, depending on your timeline. I've aimed to make it comprehensive, but feel free to cross off items that don't apply to you and to add your own to-dos to the list!

Download the Planning Phase resources below:

 

About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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You Are More Than Your Imperfections.

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CARISSA PLUTA

 

The Garden of Eden was, by no exaggeration, Heaven on earth. It was there in which perfect union between God and man existed and seen clearly in the union of Adam and Eve. But we know how the rest of the story goes: earthly paradise had a traitor in its midst.

Photography: Kassondra Design

Photography: Kassondra Design

The evil one, disguised as the serpent, convinced Eve to eat the fruit of the forbidden tree. He did this, not by forcing her and not because Eve was stupid or weak, but by bringing into question her identity as a daughter of God.

He says to her: ”You will not die. For God knows that when you eat of [the fruit] your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Eve, feeling lied to by her Heavenly Father, eats the fruit. Because of the voice of the serpent, Eve believes God does not desire her good. Eve eats the fruit because the serpent causes her to question the love God has for her. This questioning causes a rift in the union between God and man, and in turn between Eve and Adam. It is a rift we still often feel the effects of in our own relationships and in our marriages. 

I spent years of high school and college being reminded at various women talks that I am a daughter of God. But perhaps it was the “fluffiness” of the whole thing that stopped me from trying to gain a deep understanding of this knowledge: "You are the daughter of the King. You are a princess!" It’s not that being a princess sounded like such a terrible thing, but it sounded too much like a fairy tale to truly believe.

But I’ve only begun to realize recently that the uncertainty that accompanied my identity made it harder for me to hear God’s voice while the serpent’s voice came more clearly. When we are not grounded in who we are, it is hard to hear anything over the lies, over our insecurities, over our wounds; if you are not a daughter, the serpent says, you are nothing more than your imperfections.

And how often, then, do these falsities creep into our relationships, particularly our relationship with our fiancé or spouse? "I am so stupid; I can’t do anything right. How can he truly love me with all of my imperfections?" Our knowledge of self, the assurance of our identity, has to be the foundation of our relationships and marriages. 

When it is not, we give in more quickly to fear, to anger, to jealousy, and to distrust. We allow our peace to be taken and our relationships to grow a little more chaotic. We are easily annoyed by minor mistakes made or we compare ourselves to others. We are not open to receive love from our husbands, and giving fully of ourselves is made impossible. We eat of the fruit and the unity of our marriage suffers. 

Instead, ask for the graces that are your inheritance and glory in the knowledge that you are a daughter of the King of the Universe.

The Creator who formed the Earth with His hands, who painted the stars we see at night, who breathed life into man. That you are a daughter of the One who calls the sun to rise each morning and set each evening, and the One who commands armies of Angels. That you are a daughter of a Father who created you to love and to be loved by Him, of a Father who suffers alongside his children and who triumphed over death.

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About the Author: About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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How He Asked | Janae + Ryan

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We recently featured Janae and Ryan's beautiful Texas summer wedding and were delighted when they also submitted their engagement story. Janae and Ryan's met on their university tennis team, where their shared love of Jesus and tennis brought them together--even though Ryan was not yet Catholic. Through Janae's prayers, love, and a book by Scott Hahn, Ryan entered RCIA and entered the Church a year before their engagement. When he proposed to Janae, he chose to do so at the shrine where he made his first Confession, and we can't think of a more romantic spot for a proposal!

In Ryan's words: Janae and I met on the UT Tyler tennis team. From the time Janae and I started dating I knew it was part of God’s Divine plan. Faith had very little to do with my life the few years prior to us dating. My sophomore year in college I began to truly experience the mercy of God when my roommate and I went to Bible study. This is when I began to really encounter Him, and when He began the healing process in me. I opened up to those closest to me about my journey and my past, and the next day I went on a date with my future wife. 

Janae is holy, and made me strive to be holy! I was completely unworthy to deserve a chance to lead her, but she graciously trusted her heart to me. Janae and I dated for nearly two years before I proposed. It is crazy looking back how He used a completely incredible woman to sanctify me, and grow me. God held our hands and led us to marriage. Looking back, there is nothing more obvious in my entire life than that Jesus wanted Janae and me to be married.

However, there is a twist in this story that shows God’s providence. When Janae and I were dating she was Catholic, and I was Protestant. What bound us together was that we both loved Jesus. As we began to become more serious, we talked about how we wanted to raise a family in the same church. Out of respect for Janae, I began to look into Catholicism. 

While Janae went to Peru for a mission trip, I was spending time at home and making a long road trip to visit family. Janae decided to leave me the book Rome Sweet Home by Scott Hahn. This is where the twist in my spiritual journey began! I discovered so many new beauties to the faith that I was never aware of. I continued to read, discuss with my family, and soon couldn’t wait any longer! Six months later I joined RCIA and became Catholic on June 2nd, 2015. Since then, having access to Confession and the Eucharist has been unbelievable. I want others to feel the supernatural grace of the Sacraments and to experience God firsthand in the Catholic Church.

On July 3rd, 2015 Janae and I went to a Latin Mass at the Mission of Divine Mercy, the place I made my first Confession. The mission has beautiful grounds and a walking Stations of the Cross. After Mass, I led my beautiful bride to be down a path that led to an empty tomb with a cross. It was there that I asked her to be my teammate for a lifetime through the vocation of marriage. Looking back, I am glad I proposed at this particular place. The cross and the empty tomb symbolize the crux of the Christian story and our call as a married couple. The cross is the greatest symbol of love. Jesus suffered unimaginable pain and died in the most brutal fashion. Just as Jesus died for me, I offer the same sacrificial love to my wife. St. John Paul II wrote that “Spouses are the permanent reminder to the Church of what happened on the Cross; they are for one another and for others the witnesses to the salvation in which the sacrament makes them sharers”(Familiaris Consortio). Janae and I are bound together and united by this cross. God has placed a teammate and helpmate by my side to help me on my journey towards heaven. If I ever find myself on Calvary hill, I know Janae will be like my Veronica and be there to wipe away my tears, and I hope to be like her Simon of Cyrene and help carry her burdens. 

The biggest piece of advice I can give is to discuss everything and anything before marriage. This is person is going to be your best friend through life and it is important to establish that open line of communication. We are only a few months into marriage, and we are already seeing the joy and intimacy that came as a fruit of these conversations. It may not always be pretty or easy, but it is important to talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly! Also have those completely weird and random conversations. Express your hearts to each other often! Jesus works in those words.

In Janae's Words: 15 months ago Ryan gave me a pretty ring on my finger and endless joy in my heart but none of that compares to the joy of our Lord. Ladies, my advice is learn what it means to be the bride of Christ. It will teach you so much about becoming the bride of a man. 

Photo Credit: Brother of the bride | Engagement Location: Mission of Divine Mercy- New Braunfels, Tx

How to Explain the Eucharist to Your Wedding Guests

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How to Explain the Eucharist to Your Wedding Guests

It's a classic Catholic wedding problem: how do you explain the significance of the Eucharist, and the requirements for receiving it, to your wedding guests who aren't Catholic? We have some tips to help you navigate these tricky ecumenical waters with charity and grace. 

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3 Books You May Not Have on Your Marriage Prep List

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CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

 

As a Catholic bride-to-be, you’ve probably been inundated with book recommendations, engagement prayers, and NFP method comparisons. Despite all of the doomsday talk we hear about the state of marriage in our culture (much of which is justified), I think we are living at a wonderful time to get married in the Catholic Church. Never before have there been so many resources available to engaged couples, ranging from theological to practical.  Elise wrote an excellent post on her favorite Catholic resources (she hit everything on my list!), and while those were foundational to Kristian’s and my preparation, we also found wisdom and guidance in books that don’t qualify as spiritual reading.

Photo courtesy of Susan Reue. 

Photo courtesy of Susan Reue. 

Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy

I would count Attachments as one of the books that changed my life. Shortly before I met my now husband, I became aware--through the help of my therapist--that much of the distress I had experienced in past relationships was due to a lack of secure attachment. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake my fear of abandonment and rejection, which made it impossible for me to be truly vulnerable with anyone. And if you can’t be vulnerable, you really can’t have a healthy or happy marriage. My therapist recommended this book, and I don’t think I would be engaged today if it weren’t for the practical help it gave me. A few months after we started dating, Kristian read it on my recommendation and also found it helpful, not only for understanding me, but also for making sense of his own life and relationship history.

Attachments breaks down the different styles of insecure attachment (i.e. the reasons why so many relationships are unstable and unhealthy) and the root causes of them, e.g. traumatic/abusive/unhealthy experiences from our childhood. The authors give real-world examples of each attachment style and practical guidance on how to become securely attached in your relationships with God, family members, friends, spouses/significant others, and your (future) kids. Attachments, true to its title, helped me understand why I “love, feel, and act” the way I do. It also helped me understand why my ex-boyfriends, siblings, parents, and even friends love, feel, and act the way they do. It’s not a silver bullet, by any means, but after reading the book and putting into practice some of the authors’ recommendations, as well as discussing what I learned with my therapist, I started to notice positive, seemingly miraculous changes in the way that I related to others--especially my family and my husband. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up.

Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman

Although it’s written for already-married couples, I think Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work should be required reading for anyone who is seriously dating or engaged. Dr. John Gottman uses his impressive and extensive body of research to shed light on the common causes of divorce (they’re not what you think) and the habits of couples who not only make it, but are genuinely happy together throughout their married lives. It’s full of quizzes and activities that you can do with your significant other that can help you identify potential problem areas and start building a solid “relationship house” even before you say “I do.” Dr. Gottman isn’t Catholic (I’m not even sure if he’s a Christian), but Seven Principles is grounded in the truth of what it means to love someone “till death do us part”, and thus belongs on every Catholic couple’s bookshelf.

The Betrothed by Alessandro Manzoni

And now, for something completely different. It was actually Kristian's idea to read the classic Italian historical novel The Betrothed (“I Promessi Sposi”) together; he read it in Italian (yep, he knows Italian) and I read the English translation. The Betrothed is ultimately a story about the mysterious nature of God’s plan for our lives, and that nothing can separate us from his love. The story follows the lives of Lucia and Lorenzo, an engaged couple living in 17th century Italy who are prevented from marrying by the powerful lord Don Rodrigo, who desires Lucia for himself. While they escape the clutches of Don Rodrigo, they become separated and must persevere in their love for each other while the whole world seems to crumble around them. I must admit that I skipped some of the Italian political history stuff (Kristian did not), but I thoroughly enjoyed the book and was encouraged by the faithfulness of Lucia and Renzo, not only to each other, but to the Lord.

I hope these resources prove to be as helpful to you and your fiance as they’ve been to Kristian and me. Regardless of how far along you are in the marriage prep process, it never hurts to add a few more books to your list--even if you don’t get to them until after you’re married. If you’re engaged or married and have read these books, what did you think? Did you find them helpful? Would you add any others to the list? Let me know in the comments!

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Katherine + Jonathan | New Orleans Traditions Wedding

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Jonathan's brother was a priest in the Archdiocese of New Orleans, and his grandfather was a famous local sportswriter. He and Katherine first met at Christ in the City, a night of Adoration and fellowship hosted by the archdiocese, but she didn't think much of their first encounter. A few weeks later, the New Orleans natives met again at a Mardi Gras parade, where they danced together in the street. That night, Katherine started to see him differently and realized how much fun this man was.

Jonathan soon asked Katherine out, wherein they ate charbroiled oysters and listened to live jazz--two beloved New Orleans traditions--on their first date. Katherine noticed right away how secure she felt with Jonathan, and they spent many of their early dating days exploring their city. It wasn’t long before they realized God had brought them to each other. They recognized early on that they were meant to be together for life. 

On October 22, the feast of Saint John Paul II, Jonathan carried out his plan to propose. He knew it was a special day because of Katherine's devotion to the pope, and he also knew he'd have to work hard to surprise her. So he asked the diocesan young adult coordinator to send an email about an event happening in the St. Louis Cathedral in honor of the feast day--to Katherine only. John Paul II visited the cathedral in 1987 and prayed in some of the same spots Katherine and Jonathan frequented.

Right after receiving the email, Katherine forwarded it to Jonathan, telling him they should go. His plan worked! When they arrived, there was no one at the cathedral except the two of them. They walked down the aisle towards the altar and knelt. Jonathan proposed there before the tabernacle, where just months later they'd make their vows and kneel before the Lord for the first time as bride and groom. Jonathan's brother, the priest, exposed the Eucharist afterwards as they took time to rejoice together before the Father. 

Every year on the anniversary of their first Mardi Gras parade, Katherine and Jonathan celebrate the first of many times they danced together.

From the Bride: The night before the wedding, Jonathan and I decided to have our rehearsal dinner filmed. Words of Affirmation is a shared love language of ours, and we knew there would be a few speeches from the night that we'd want to cherish. 

It was so important to both Jonathan and me to be peaceful the day of our wedding. We knew there would be so many things going on, but we both just wanted to focus on how we were entering our vocations that day, with Christ as our goal. So I started off the day in Adoration while Jonathan went on a quiet run. This helped both of us truly focus on what was about to happen. 

The day was June 5, and it was absolutely beautiful. Granted, it was June in New Orleans, so it was pretty hot. But the sun was out, there was joy and anticipation in the air, and it felt like the weather knew exactly how to showcase this. My bridesmaids and I got ready at my childhood home. This was really special to me; this home was my family's since I was two years old, even enduring total destruction and renewal during the time of Hurricane Katrina. Jonathan had worked at the cathedral since he was in high school, and he and the groomsmen were allowed to utilize the rectory as their place of preparation. This made for incredible groomsmen pictures in St. Anthony’s Garden behind the cathedral. 

Jonathan and I wrote wedding-day letters to each other which were delivered by our siblings. In addition to a letter for me (addressed to Mrs. Finney, my married name!!), Jonathan gave me an incredible gift: he took the time to type up and put together a bound book of all of our text messages, from our first ones to the ones right after we started dating. My tears flowed abundantly when I received it. I was overwhelmed with emotion, looking back on when we first started talking to each other to where we were that day: about to start our married life together. It was truly one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received, and it came to me on the perfect day. 

The bridesmaids and I took our time getting ready, as the wedding wasn’t until 7 in the evening. It was such a beautiful day full of prayer and laughter.

When we got to the cathedral, everything went so smoothly and prayerfully. My father and I walked down the aisle to a song called “I Give Myself Away,” which was sung by my high school students. They did a fantastic job. It was so meaningful having them there to sing such an important song, as I prepared to give myself away to my groom. In addition, so many of my students came for our ceremony that almost the whole center of the church was full. This truly touched me, because it reminded me that as a married woman, I can be a witness to the goodness of God. 

When I approached Jonathan, I saw that one of his glasses lenses was fogged up because of how much he was crying. It was precious! Our Mass was absolutely beautiful. I couldn’t have imagined it being more prayerful and special. Father Peter, Jonathan’s brother, was the main celebrant, and he gave such a personal and well-written homily about how our steps together lead us to our ultimate goal--union with God in heaven. 

We said our vows holding a crucifix to represent the reality that we are taking up our cross through this marriage, and we want to bring each other to where Jesus is. 

The chalice used at our wedding was used by and donated from St. John Paul II when he visited New Orleans in 1987. Receiving the Eucharist was the most emotional part of the wedding for me because not only did I receive Jesus from such a meaningful chalice, but I was deeply aware of the fact that Jesus is my one true love and that Jonathan is here for me so that Jesus can love me through him.

Jonathan and I prayed before both a statue of Our Lady of Prompt Succor (meaning “quick help”--she is the patroness of New Orleans) as well as St. Joseph. We thought it was important to pray not only before our Blessed Mother but also her spouse, since both she and St. Joseph have been a major influence on our relationship. 

Jonathan and I walked down the aisle together as man and wife to a beautiful rendition of Charles-Marie Widor’s "Toccata.” This was significant for Jonathan, since it was the same song to which his mom and dad processed out of the church at their wedding.

The reception was so much fun! We had a live band and wanted to represent tons of New Orleans traditions. One of those traditions, a common one in the South, was a groom’s cake. Jonathan's groom’s cake was a three-tiered king cake, a dessert eaten in New Orleans during Mardi Gras season. The first tier was purple and gold for LSU, Jonathan’s alma mater. The middle tier was black and gold for our favorite football team, the New Orleans Saints, and the bottom tier was purple, green, and gold to represent Jonathan’s favorite time of year and the time we fell in love--Mardi Gras. I made the cake topper out of modeling clay and paint, and it represents Jonathan as a doctor and myself as a high school religion teacher, holding the Catechism.

Another New Orleans tradition is to have cake pulls at the bottom of the wedding cake for the bridesmaids. The pulls have charms on the end to represent something for the bridesmaid--for example, who’s going to have the next baby and who will get married next. I used New Orleans symbols--a streetcar, pelican, saxophone, and others--as the charms for my cake pulls, and adapted them to take on traditional meanings.

Lastly, one of our favorite New Orleans traditions was having a second line out of the reception to end the party. Traditionally, a second line refers to the people or crowd that marches behind a brass band as they process out of a church after a funeral. More recently, New Orleanians have adopted “second lines” for weddings as part of the reception. Just before our second line, Jonathan and I changed into our “going away” outfits and danced the last few songs before the second line started. Once the second line was over, we made it to our getaway vehicle and drove off towards our honeymoon.

The night was everything we wanted it to be--prayerful and peaceful, but also extremely fun. Overall, Jonathan and I wouldn’t change a thing about our wedding day, since it was a day that celebrated perfectly our sacramental love with Jesus at the center--and a whole lot of dancing at the end!

It is only when we realize Christ is the one who can really fulfill us that we can be truly happy. Our wedding, for me, was a depiction of this idea because it centered on God as our one true love--the one from whom we came and the one to whom we're going. I believe we gave our guests an opportunity to witness this reality through the beauty and prayerfulness of our liturgy. 

Since God is a God of joy, and everyone wants joy, we wanted our wedding celebration to be filled with lasting joy. By focusing primarily on Christ and setting the stage for the night with our liturgy, we were able to enter into a time of great joy, dancing and celebrating at our reception. We celebrated a God who gives joy through dancing and carrying out classic New Orleans traditions that were special to us.

Photography: Sabree Hill Photography | Church: St. Louis Cathedral, New Orleans, LA | Wedding Reception Venue: Arbor Room at City Park, New Orleans, LA | Florist: Crystal Vase Flowers | Invitations: Hand-painted and formatted by the bride; Shutterfly Custom Invitations | Reception Band: The Boogie Men | Bride's Dress: Town and Country Bridal | Bride's Veil: A Busy Mother via Etsy | Bride's Shoes: Aldo | Bride’s Hair Comb for Reception: Allure Wedding Jewelry via Etsy | Bride’s Going Away Dress: Modcloth | Bride’s Going Away Blue Shoes: Charlotte Russe | Bride’s Going Away Veil: Marisey Accessories via Etsy | Bridesmaids’ Dresses: Weddington Way | Bridesmaids’ Earrings: J. Crew | Groom’s Suit: J. Crew | Groomsmen’s Suits: Tuxedos To Geaux | Wedding and Groom’s Cakes: Haydel’s Bakery | Hair: Perfect 10 Salon, Metairie, LA | Makeup: Lauren Fowler Rodas at Up’sa Daisy Hair Salon | Rehearsal Dinner Videographer: Reed Between the Lens | Videographer: 63 Films

Cultivating Inner Beauty During Engagement

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NICOLE M. CARUSO

 

Engagement is a time of expectation and preparation for one of the most important milestones a couple can share: marriage. Amid the checklists and details of wedding planning, it is easy to forget about preparing your heart and mind to be a wife.

As a lover of makeup and beauty products, and as one who knows that within our dignity as women lies the truest, most real beauty, I recommend taking time during your engagement to frequently call to mind that inner worth and radiance. Rather than spending all your time and energy devoted to finding the perfect dress and planning the best reception, take 30 minutes out of each day to cultivate your own inner beauty. Not only will you ready yourself to receive the gift of your husband, but you’ll become ready to be a gift to him as the best version of yourself.

Here are 3 ways to cultivate inner beauty that reinforce good habits and bring about peace of mind and heart.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness, as defined by psychologist and Catholic Mindfulness instructor Dr. Gregory Bottaro, is “non-judgmental awareness of the present moment.” Flowing from one present moment to the next--rather than serious multitasking--reduces anxiety, frustration, second-guessing, and wandering thoughts. In the midst of the biggest pre-wedding crisis, remember that the goal of your wedding is not to throw the best party, but to rejoice in the sacramental grace you will receive.

I was thrown many, many curveballs during our five-month engagement, all of which had me speed-dialing my then-fiancee with hopes of troubleshooting together. The worst one of all was the night before our rehearsal. One of our priests found us decorating the Church Hall and remarked that we had not completed the inventory interview required to go ahead with the wedding.

I panicked. I abandoned my friends to finish decorating the reception space and started down a spiral of anxious thoughts, most of which revolved around the idea that my wedding was going to get cancelled. In reality, our parish was fairly small, our priests were very accommodating, and we got the inventory completed in time for our ceremony. Had I known how to be more mindful, I would have helped finish decorating, laughed a little more about the irony of the whole thing, and not let a little setback steal my joy.

Mindfulness is not about controlling your thoughts or emptying your mind, but allowing thoughts to pass through without reacting. As we practice mindfulness, it is easier to focus and give ourselves more wholly to each moment of the day.

It enables us to form healthy boundaries, make better decisions, and be intentional about how we treat others. Inner beauty beams out of us when we experience inner peace.

Self Care

Self care is the practice of incorporating moments that bring joy into your day; things that express your talents, inspire, and give that inner sigh of peace. More than an indulgence, dedicated “me time” is what you need in that particular moment. During my engagement I found I needed both time alone and social time. For me, there was nothing better than lighting the five candles in my bedroom, listening to jazz, painting my nails, and sketching or editing photos. Yet I also knew I was most energized by meeting friends for coffee, taking a day trip to Manhattan, or going shopping with my sister.

For some, self care can look like spending quality time with dear friends, solo outings to a cafe, reading, writing, creating art, or catching a sunrise. For others, it could be a book club, girls night in, a special treat from the grocery store, or a massage. Whatever is your way to unwind, laugh, or get in touch with what makes you feel like you, make sure to do one thing each day that feeds your mind and body.

Prayer

Prayer is centering. It connects us in conversation with God, consoles us, and inspires us. It reveals to us what is true, what is good, and what is God’s will for our lives. During engagement, it is so important to spend a few moments in prayer each day, hopefully at the same time to make it easier to form a routine. Prayer can start with five things you are grateful for that day, intentions for your future spouse and your relationship, or a guided morning offering from The Magnificat, Blessed is She, or the Laudate app.

My favorite way to pray is in front of the tabernacle. Many nights during my engagement, I walked to the Adoration chapel to say nightly prayers, journal my thoughts, or pray for a special intention that was particularly tugging at my soul. Most of all, I always sat there imagining our lives together, praying for the success of our marriage, and hoping for children. Being there reminded me that my wedding day was not about me, nor any family expectations, but about starting a new family with the grace of God, and following through on his plan for my life, with my future husband at my side.

Finding inner beauty during your engagement requires dedicated time each day. If you’re able, a silent retreat is another way to incorporate mindfulness, self care, and preparing your soul for your wedding day.

The sacrament of marriage presents a husband as a gift to his wife, and a wife as a gift to her husband.

When your husband-to-be sees you walking up the aisle, he will see your beautiful dress and smile, thinking of how incredibly beautiful you are. When he holds your hands in his, gazing into your eyes as you say your vows, he will see the steadfastness of a soul radiating inner beauty as you say, “I do.”

headshot contributor.png

About the Author: Nicole M. Caruso is a wife, mother, makeup artist, and writer. Formerly the Beauty Editor of Verily Magazine, Nicole now shares her expert style and beauty advice, tips on healthy living, and reflections on marriage and motherhood on her website, where she hopes to inspire women to invest in their self-worth. The New York native now resides in Northern Virginia with her husband and daughter. 

WEBSITE | YOUTUBE CHANNEL | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER | PINTEREST
 

Editors' Picks, Vol, 5 | What We're Reading

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At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

Whether you prefer literature, spiritual reading, or nonfiction, the best of the written word has the power to illuminate truth and goodness and to reintroduce us to ourselves. Take a look at what we're currently reading, and we hope you'll find inspiration for your own library or reading list.

What We're Reading 2017 | www.spokenbride.com

Andi, Business Director

The Poldark Series by Winston Graham: I know it's cheesy, but I enjoy the show and a certain Spoken Bride team member (who shall remain nameless) said the books were great, so here I am. The books have actually been better reads than I expected: no Fabio-esque hair blowing in the wind, beautiful descriptions of Cornwall, and an omniscient narrator so I finally can understand what's behind all the longing glances on the show.

The Catholic Table by Emily Stimpson Chapman: I just love this book. If you read Emily's blog by the same name, you'll find it's a lovely approach that gets to the heart of our faith: fasting, feasting, and how Jesus brings it all together. I love Emily's understanding of hospitality--it's always been my goal to have a comfy home with a open door, and it was nice to read about someone else who loves having guests in their home.

Write. Publish. Market. by Jodi Brandon: This is a well-written, straightforward book with great information on how creative entrepreneurs can self-publish or get published through traditional avenues. I've got ideas swirling in my head and sketchbook of a project I'd never, ever, even thought of doing until the Holy Sprit recently started nudging me.

Daily Companion for Married Couples by Allan F. Wright: I picked up this little daily devotional at the Mission Santa Inez gift shop as a Christmas present for my hubby. Each day we have a short quote from a saint, author, the Bible, or the Catechism, followed by a short reflection and discussion question. It's been nice having something to talk about together right before we go to sleep, and is short enough that we can read and discuss the topic within five minutes.

On my list for 2017:  Karol Wojtyla's The Jeweler's Shop, David Clayton and Leila Marie Lawler's The Little Oratory, Fulton Sheen's Three to Get Married (again), and G.K Chesterton's Orthodoxy.

Elise, Social Media Manager

The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp: I'm not exaggerating when I say this book has been completely life-changing. Although Ann is not Catholic, I was incredibly surprised by how well her thesis supports the Catholic theology of communion. The Broken Way is a compilation of Ann's reflections on how as humans we can live an abundant life, not despite, but with our wounds and brokenness. Ann's words touched me deeply and the book was a great reminder that "I am His and He is mine." 

The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines: Any of my friends or family can tell you I love Chip and Joanna's show, Fixer Upper, on HGTV. For me, this story was one of hope. I cried multiple times while reading it. As an entrepreneur, I could relate to Chip and Joanna's story of ups and downs in trying to run their multiple businesses. It was incredibly inspiring and reassuring that Chip and Joanna overcame many obstacles in their lives and still remained faithful to what they knew to be God's calling for them. 

The E-Myth Revisited by Michael Gerber: For 2017, my goal is to work more on my business instead of in my business, meaning I need to continue learning how to be the best manager, boss and bringer of clients instead of only doing client work. Easier said than done. The E-Myth has helped me shift my mindset as a business owner and learn how strategize when it comes to scaling my business. 

Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist: This book is a beautiful reminder to view ourselves how God sees us. It is only when we understand God's truly unconditional love that we begin to align our lives with our true vocation and calling. 

On my list for 2017: Seth Godin's Purple Cow: Transform Your Business by Being Remarkable, Elaine Sciolino's The Only Street in Paris: Life on the Rue des Martyrs, and Henri Nouwen's The Inner Voice of Love.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp: Ann Voskamp candidly shares about her life’s struggles and faith in the book “The Broken Way”. Emotional, raw, honest, this book is full of nuggets of wisdom. However, this leads to my next book. 

Searching for and Maintaining Peace: A Small Treatise on Peace of Heart by Fr. Jacques Philippe: Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) and your classic ENFP, I can get easily swept away or deeply engrossed in the intimate & emotional experiences of others. That being said, I needed a breather from The Broken Way and picked up this book in its place. Being written by a priest, this book offers objective & gentle spiritual direction and wisdom on finding and keeping peace that only comes from God and God alone. 

For the Children’s Sake: Foundations of Education for Home & School by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay: If you follow my personal Instagram, you’ll find a lot of homeschooling photos of my children. While I am still new to it, I love Charlotte Mason’s methodology and approach to education. This book beautiful frames Miss Mason’s belief on educating not just the mind, but educating the will and the entire person. 

Black Moon (The Poldark Series) by Winston Graham: This is my “waiting room” book. It’s an easy fictional read for anytime I just need my mind to turn off. If you love British television, I’m sure you have already been watching Captain Ross Poldark and all his drama. Season 2 left me a bit distraught, so I hopped on Black Moon to eagerly read about Ross’s redemption that supposedly happens in Season 3. 

On my list for 2017: Brian Kennelly’s To the Heights: A Novel Based on the Life of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati (I need to finish reading this one), Sigrid Undset's Kristin Lavransdatter (this one, too), Jennie Allen's Nothing to Prove: Why We Can Stop Trying So Hard, and Jennifer Fulwiller's Something Other Than God: How I Passionately Sought Happiness and Accidentally Found It.

Stephanie, Co-Founder + Editor in Chief

Island of the World by Michael D. O'Brien: A few friends had recommended this modern classic of a Catholic novel, but the 800-page commitment intimidated me. I shouldn’t have worried. This story of a soul, the fictional Josip Lasta, is the amazingly compelling chronicle of one man’s life, from boyhood to old age, under the Communist regime in Croatia. Amidst the depths of human evil and depravity and to the heights of love and communion, Lasta’s life serves as a reminder that no man is ever truly alone and that the hand of providence is constantly, actively at work in the world. Reading this, I have been staying up long past my bedtime on pure adrenaline and wonder, have recalled many similar details from John Paul II’s youth and young adulthood in occupied Poland, and have experienced a renewed sense of the fact that freedom is complete gift and grace.

Mansfield Park by Jane Austen: As a former English major who wrote her senior thesis on Jane Austen, I’m a little embarrassed to admit I only recently picked up this book for the first time. Austen once said that of all her characters, she identified most with Fanny Bryce, the heroine of this novel, and I can see why. A sharp observer of conduct and of the subtleties that pass between men and women, Fanny is often the lone individual with the eyes to see falsehood and shallowness for what they are when her family becomes taken with two beguiling new acquaintances. What Mansfield Park lacks in romantic banter compared to, for instance, Pride and Prejudice, it more than makes up for in dead-on emotion and perception that still feels relevant hundreds of years later, a quality I’m really enjoying.

Frances and Bernard by Carlene Bauer: I am forever, and I mean constantly, in search of a love story that will sweep me off my feet. Between my being a hard sell on grand, emotionally-driven gestures and having some differences of opinion with the culture’s notions of romance and dating, I guess my bar is pretty high. But I think I might have found one. This funny, unpretentious, and beautifully written novel, told in letters, is based on the real-life correspondence of Flannery O’Connor and the poet Robert Lowell. O’Connor was a convert to the Catholic faith, while Lowell was a religious skeptic for much of his life. Their discussions of the Church and the faith often feel like spiritual reading, and the depth of goodwill and admiration between Bauer’s imagined versions of these writers has brought me to tears. Truly, in my opinion it’s a romance for the ages!

Landline by Rainbow Rowell: Sometimes the right book comes along at the right time. A few months ago, my husband and I experienced one of the rougher periods in our marriage as we struggled to prioritize each other over our other responsibilities and as a particularly overwhelming, sleep-deprived season of our parenthood took its toll on our ability to show each other basic patience and kindness. This book introduces a married couple that’s drifted apart. With the help of a surprisingly plausible magic phone, they receive a second chance to make good on their relationship. Their story moved me in a way it might not have, had I not recently experienced this difficult time. It struck me profoundly how small wounds can pile up over time and cause serious damage to a relationship, and how our every interaction with our spouse presents us with a choice. To choose forgiveness over pettiness, sacrifice over self, and authentic love over convenience is painful and purifying, but a worthy effort every time.

On my list for 2017: James Keating’s Spousal Prayer: A Way to Marital Happiness, Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, Amor Towles’ A Gentleman in Moscow, and Cardinal Stanislaw Dziwisz’s A Life with Karol: My Forty-Year Friendship with the Man Who Became Pope.

Christina, Associate Editor

From Generation to Generation by Edwin H. Friedman: One of my passions/side hobbies is psychology, especially when it’s related to family of origin. This book (so far) is an excellent introduction into the world of family systems psychology, which focuses not only on the problems of each individual within a family, but how dysfunctional family patterns exacerbate those problems. Even for someone like me who has been in and out of therapy for much of her life, I’m still learning quite a bit from this book about how I can be an instrument of peace and healing in my own family.

Authenticity: A Biblical Theology of Discernment by Fr. Thomas Dubay: Like all of Fr. Dubay’s books, this one is a spiritual kick in the butt. It’s so easy for us to think we’re following God’s will, when what we’re really following is our own plans and desires wrapped up in spiritual packaging. Fr. Dubay challenges his readers to cultivate humility and poverty of spirit--and to seek the help of a competent spiritual director-- so that they can more readily attend to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Authenticity is not a light read, but it’s worth the effort if you want to grow in your capacity to discern God’s will in your life.

Anne’s House of Dreams by L.M. Montgomery: Since high school, when I first discovered Anne, I’ve probably read the entire Anne of Green Gables series at least ten times (and my favorites--like Anne of the Island--even more), so I couldn’t resist reading Anne’s House of Dreams during my first month as a newlywed. I’ve always loved this fifth book in the Anne series, but in some ways I felt like I was reading it for the first time; I could relate to Anne and her wifely joy in a new way. Anne’s House of Dreams is also unique among the Anne books because Anne’s rosy outlook on life is challenged for the first time by tragedy. If you’re looking for a fun, easy, yet surprisingly profound novel to chase away the winter doldrums, this is the book for you.

Co-Workers of the Truth: Meditations for Every Day of the Year by Joseph Ratzinger: I am unabashedly obsessed with Joseph Ratzinger (aka Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI) and his writings. He has done more for my post-graduate intellectual and spiritual development than any other theologian, and there’s rarely a time during the year when I’m not reading something by Ratzinger. The only downside to Co-Workers of the Truth is having to pace myself and only read one meditation per day.

On my list for 2017: Christianity and the Crisis of Cultures by Joseph Ratzinger, The Eternal Woman by Gertrud von Le Fort, Sweetening the Pill: Or, How We Got Hooked on Hormonal Birth Control by Holly Grigg-Spall, To Know Christ Jesus by F.J. Sheed, and a slew of novels by Dorothy Sayers.

 

Introducing Our New Associate Editor!

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Starting this week, we are thrilled to welcome Christina Dehan Jaloway to the Spoken Bride team! A lifelong student of beauty and the Catholic faith, in and out of the classroom (she has a Masters in Theology from Notre Dame and taught high school Religion for nine years), Christina is the honest, observant voice behind the blog The Evangelista and writes as a missionary of the true, good and beautiful. 

Christina married her sweetheart, Kristian, this past Christmas season after a setup, courtship, and engagement that transpired in a whirlwind of certainty and peace. We're grateful for her perspective as she enters into newlywed life and eager to share her insights on the blog in the upcoming months!

From Christina: I remember seeing the first posts from Spoken Bride shortly before getting engaged, and I was so excited about the prospect of not only learning from the wisdom of others, but also sharing my own experiences during engagement and newly married life. I'm thrilled to begin my work as Associate Editor, using my love of writing, beauty, and all things Catholic wedding-related to bless our readers. 

A little about me: I'm an Oklahoman by birth, a Texan by the grace of God, a double Domer (meaning I have two degrees from the University of Notre Dame--both in theology), and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI's biggest fan. I spent my first 9 years post-graduate school as a high school theology teacher and loved (almost) every minute of it. Besides Austin and Houston, I've lived in Falls Church, VA, Washington, DC, Phoenix, AZ, and South Bend, IN. These days, I divide my time between freelance writing, blogging, speaking, reading, wine tasting, hiking, loving my new husband, playing with my nieces whenever I get the chance, and re-watching episodes of Parks & Rec. 

How He Asked | Katherine + Dominic

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Katherine and Dominic lived in the same New Jersey town for almost their whole lives. They attended the same church, but their paths didn't cross until high school, where they began dating their senior year. During their college years at separate universities, they faithfully prayed God would guide them and keep them close.

In Katherine’s words: Believe it or not, Dominic and I met during a chemistry class in high school! Our friendship quickly blossomed, and we frequently got in trouble for talking and laughing during class. We stayed friends after Chemistry, but didn't have any classes together again until our senior year. I always looked forward to seeing Dominic with his family at Sunday Mass. From the very beginning of our senior year, Dominic walked me to my locker every day. A few months later, we both began to express our feelings for one another. Dominic asked me to be his girlfriend over a couple of ice cream cones, and we enjoyed the rest of high school attending prom and graduation activities.

Dominic attended St. Johns University in Queens, New York while I stayed in New Jersey to study at Seton Hall University. During these college years at separate universities, I faithfully prayed God would keep his hand on us. 

I often prayed for our relationship inside Seton Hall’s Chapel of the Immaculate Conception, my favorite spot on campus. The chapel has always been special to me: aside from being breathtakingly beautiful, it is where I decided that I would attend Seton Hall and is where I connected with God on a much deeper level and grew closer to Him during my college years. When Dominic proposed to me in that very chapel, I knew it was God’s way of showing me my prayers were being answered. Now, that beautiful sacred spot is not only special to me, but to both of us. 

In Dominic’s Words: Early on in our relationship, I knew Katherine was the girl I wanted to marry. I frequently prayed God would continue to guide us and reveal his plan for us, and felt strongly that his plan was for Katherine and I to become husband and wife.  

After getting the ring, there was only one thing left to do. On Father’s Day, while Katherine was out of town visiting family, I went to her house and asked her dad’s permission to marry her. After receiving her parents' blessing, I was ready to propose. 

I asked Katherine to attend daily Mass with me at the chapel she so loved at Seton Hall. We heard a brief but beautiful homily, comparing the facets of a diamond to the community of believers. I understood this as a sign from God that we were exactly where we were meant to be! When Mass ended, I asked Katherine to pray at the altar with me. Once we had said our prayer, Katherine stood up to leave. I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. 

A few hours later, we learned that the day of our engagement, June 29th, is the feast day of Sts. Peter and Paul. This is a special day because Katherine’s grandpa’s name was Pedro, or Peter. He passed away 13 years ago. Since Pedro was our only grandparent who never got the opportunity to know us as a couple, we saw this as a sign of his blessing. Not to mention, the day that I asked Katherine’s father for permission, she was attending mass at the Parish of St. Peter and St. Paul in San Francisco, California with her cousins! God had all of the details worked out for us long ago.