Creating a Meaningful Wedding Mass Program

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The audio version of this blog post was featured on our podcast on 10/13/2020.

CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Without a doubt, designing the program for our wedding Mass was my favorite part of the entire wedding-planning process.  I have a lifelong passion for communicating and explaining the truths of our faith to others: I was a high school theology teacher for nine years and have been a catechist of some kind since college. I saw my program as an opportunity to explain, particularly to our non-Catholic and non-practicing-Catholic guests, the beauty of the Mass and the Church’s teaching on marriage. I’m not naive to think that everyone present actually read the program, but I knew that some people would, and prayed that the Lord would use it to draw our wedding guests more deeply into the liturgy. 

Be clear about the mechanics of Mass.

Perhaps the most confusing thing for non-Catholics when they come to Mass, especially for the first time, is all of the standing, sitting, kneeling, and responding that we do. Normally, the priest will give directions to the congregation (most priests are well aware that a percentage of those at Catholic weddings are not familiar with the Mass), but sometimes he forgets or people need extra reminders. This is where your program comes in. Below is an example of what I mean:

First Reading

Please sit

When the lector says “The Word of the Lord,” at the conclusion of the reading, you may respond “Thanks be to God.”  

These instructions won't increase your page count by much, and go a long way to making non-Catholics feel more comfortable during Mass. Note: if you use Latin Mass parts, it’s a good idea to provide your guests with a translation.

Break Open the Word

Chances are that the priest or deacon who preaches at your wedding won’t have time to go into detail about each of your chosen readings, which may leave your biblically illiterate guests feeling a bit lost. One way to help them understand the Scripture readings is to provide brief explanations of why you chose each reading, and if necessary, some context for your readings. Believe it or not, most of your wedding guests (even the faithful Catholic ones) probably haven’t read the entire book of Tobit. Here’s what I wrote for our first reading:

First Reading Tobit 8:4b-8   

Context: Tobit’s son, Tobiah, has just married his kinswoman Sarah at the encouragement of the (disguised) archangel Raphael. Sarah is oppressed by a demon who has killed her last seven husbands on their wedding night. Raphael helps Tobiah and Sarah to vanquish the demon and encourages them to pray before consummating their marriage.

The couple chose this reading because of the important role that prayer has played (and will continue to play) in their relationship, and because the prayer of Tobiah and Sarah recounts the establishment of marriage by God in Genesis.

The Rite of Marriage

It’s no secret that Catholic weddings are different from secular, or even Protestant weddings, but many of your guests may not realize that the Catholic understanding of marriage is unique as well. Consider including an explanatory line or two about marriage as a Sacrament, the significance of the vows and rings, and an explanation of any special wedding traditions you’re incorporating into the rite (such as holding a crucifix or exchanging arras). For example:

In the Catholic Church, marriage is a Sacrament, which means that it is a visible sign of God’s grace, instituted by Christ and entrusted to the Church, by which Divine life is dispensed to us. This is what makes Catholic marriage so much more than a legal union, and why it must be--like God’s love for us--free, total, faithful, and fruitful. Ideally, a marriage between two Christians should be a clear, visible sign of God’s love for his people.

A note about the crucifix: Kristian and Christina decided to incorporate the Croatian tradition of holding a crucifix together while professing their vows. This symbolizes the fact that marriage, like all vocations, is a sharing in Christ’s cross and resurrection, and that both spouses are called to lay down their lives for one another as Christ did for us. The couple will hang the crucifix in a place of honor in their home so that they can be reminded to carry their crosses together and unite their sufferings with Christ’s.

The Source and Summit

The Liturgy of the Eucharist is the reason why Catholics celebrate the marriage rite within the context of the Mass. Unfortunately, the Blessed Sacrament is also commonly mistaken for a mere symbol or ritual by non-Catholics (and misinformed Catholics), which is understandable considering how mysterious the Real Presence is. A little bit of explanation goes a long way to clearing up these misconceptions. Here’s what we did:

The Liturgy of the Eucharist

The Eucharist is the “source and summit” of the Catholic faith, because it is Jesus himself, mysteriously present, body, blood, soul, and divinity under the signs of bread and wine. Thus, the Liturgy of the Eucharist is the high point of the Mass.

Offertory

During the offertory, we bring up the bread and wine that will be offered to the Father and transformed by the Holy Spirit into the Body and Blood of Christ. We also present our hearts, minds, souls, and all of our cares and concerns to the Father who loves us. The prayers of blessing that the priest prays over the gifts hearken back to the prayers of blessing over meals that Jesus would have prayed at the Last Supper that he shared with his disciples.

Great Amen

At the end of the priest’s prayer, the congregation chants “Amen”. In saying “Amen”, we say “yes, I believe” that the bread and wine that were on the altar are now sacramentally Jesus’ body and blood.

Who may receive the Eucharist?

Only baptized Catholics who have received their first communion, are practicing the faith, and are not aware of having committed mortal sins since their last confession may receive the Eucharist. If you are not going to receive, please remain in your seat and pray for and with the couple.

Not only were these explanations helpful to our non-Catholic family and friends, but we  had faithful Catholic guests approach us after the wedding and comment on how beneficial these explanations were for them and their own prayer during Mass.

There’s Something about Mary…

After teaching the faith for over a decade, it no longer surprises me when non-Catholics and Catholics alike think that we worship Mary. Usually, this is the result of a misunderstanding of the meaning of the word “worship.” Worship is not the same as prayer, reverence, or honor. Worship is the surrender of one’s entire self to someone or something--and that surrender is due only to God. If you’re planning on presenting a bouquet of flowers to Mary as a couple during your nuptial Mass and know you’ll have Protestant guests at your wedding who may be confused about how we understand Marian devotion, consider including something like this in your program:  

It is traditional for the newly married couple to honor Mary with a gift of flowers. Contrary to popular misconception, Catholics do not worship Mary. Worship is due to God alone. We honor Mary as Jesus’ mother, the woman whose “yes” made our salvation possible. “What the Catholic faith believes about Mary is based on what it believes about Christ, and what it teaches about Mary illumines in turn its faith in Christ” (Catechism of the Catholic Church # 487).

Again, I don’t know if anyone read this explanation or had their minds or hearts changed on the matter of honoring Mary, but I DO know that if they wanted more information, it was available to them.

Little extras

If you have room in your budget for a long-ish program, consider adding some inspirational quotations from Scripture, Saints, or theologians. I’ve compiled a short list below of some of my favorites, but there are many more to choose from!

"Love is the light--and in the end, the only light--that can always illuminate a world grown dim and give us the courage needed to keep living and working. Love is possible, and we are able to practice it because we are created in the image of God." --Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

“Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony.” Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love. In the joys of their love and family life he gives them here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb.” --Catechism of the Catholic Church #148-150

“Grace has the power to make straight the paths of human love.” --St. John Paul II

“How can I ever express the happiness of a marriage joined by the Church, strengthened by an offering, sealed by a blessing, announced by angels, and ratified by the Father? . . . How wonderful the bond between two believers, now one in hope, one in desire, one in discipline, one in the same service! They are both children of one Father and servants of the same Master, undivided in spirit and flesh, truly two in one flesh. Where the flesh is one, one also is the spirit.”--Tertullian, an early Church Father

"Then, in the excess of my delirious joy, I cried out: O Jesus, my Love...my vocation, at last I have found it...MY VOCATION IS LOVE!" --St. Therese of Lisieux

St. Gregory of Nazianzus on the marriage of his parents: "They encourage us to virtue...he has been her good shepherd, whom she has prayed for and guided on his way; from her he has received the model for being a good shepherd. Both are of one dignity, of one mind, of one soul, no less in partnership of virtue and closeness to God than in a partnership of flesh. They compete with each other equally in length of life and silver of hair, in prudence and in brilliance...they are held back little by the flesh, far advanced in spirit...The world is both not theirs and theirs-one world they ignore, the other they far prefer. They have disposed of their riches, and have become rich through the industry of holiness, despising one sort of wealth and buying instead the riches of the world to come."

“Do not forget that true love sets no conditions; it does not calculate or complain, but simply loves.” --St. John Paul II

I hope this has been a helpful guide to creating a more meaningful program for the most important part of your wedding day. Please feel free to copy and paste any part of this post to use for your program, and share with other Catholic brides-to-be who may be interested.

Spoken Bride offers a beautiful, pre-formatted, and customizable Novus Ordo Wedding mass program that clearly, respectfully explains the Catholic faith and liturgy. Please visit our shop for more information.

 

 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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When Sacrifice Feels Like Too Much.

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

“This is my body which is given for you.” “ I thirst.” “Set me as a seal on your heart, as a seal upon your arm.” We’ve heard these words, felt these aches to lay ourselves bare, to quench the thirst of the Beloved, to make of ourselves a beautiful and perfect gift. The Cross and all it encompasses--body, blood, soul; heroic sacrifice and purest love; a marriage made in heaven--is one of our truest examples of spousal love: self-death and self-gift. But obvious isn’t the same as easy. What can you do when you know you’re falling short of authentic, sacrificial love, and moreover, when you don’t even particularly care to try?

Photography: Alex Krall Photography

Photography: Alex Krall Photography

Sacrifice shouldn’t make sense. Inconveniencing and emptying yourself, for no benefit of your own, directly pits our better judgment against our fallen nature. My younger self used to view sacrifice, in theory, as two people each being willing to give and take on certain matters, finding a compromise somewhere in the middle. In practice, as I navigated life with roommates and, later, with a husband, I realized how little I’d understood.

Going 50/50 on some things might be good for equality, but it’s not the best for relationships. Sometimes in compromise, and all times in authentic love, one person gives (or gives up) everything, not half.

It’s the ideal we vow to chase after and to live out in good times and in bad, standing before the One who gave of himself completely for love’s sake.

Yet even with eyes of faith, of knowing joy flows from putting another before yourself and wanting the good of someone else, sacrificial love is painful. Whether you’re undergoing the struggle of budgets, registries and their ensuing compromises as a bride-to-be or experiencing the growing pains of living with your husband as a newlywed, there might’ve been a time when you’ve asked yourself, how much is too much?

Watching TV’s This Is Us a few months ago, I was struck by the reality of sacrifice upon sacrifice gone unnoticed or unfulfilled. Years into marriage and raising their children to adolescence, Jack and Rebecca Pearson express the seeming disillusionment they’ve experienced as they’ve habitually put themselves aside for each other and for their family, the weight of their burdens boiling over into an all-out battle.

He feels burned out and unappreciated by years of working a mediocre job while trying to keep family first. She mourns what feels like the loss of identity after ages of existing solely as a mother while putting her own pursuits on the back burner. They wonder and they argue: who has given up more?

Their pain is palpable because it’s real. Dismissing this couple as unwilling to take up their crosses would diminish the truth that even with the graces of marriage, even when sacrifice is a habit, even when spouses put each other (and their children) first and themselves second, the sheer effort can leave you parched and drained. That’s okay. It’s only living water that will restore. Practically speaking, here are some ways to invite the Lord into your brokenness, your tiredness, and to rest in him:

Pray for your spouse, simply as who he or she is.

My prayer often turns to asking the Father for certain virtues that will strengthen me as a wife and mother, and for the same for my husband. During more stressful or trying seasons, though, this approach tends to increase my anxiety rather than my sense of peace. Instead, try simply contemplating the reality of your beloved, in all his flaws and gifts, and thank God for who he is. Chances are, even when you aren’t feeling particularly loving, your focus will shift to a deeper, objective appreciation for the qualities you fell in love with and a diminished sense of frustration with those that are a source of trial. Cultivate a will to thanksgiving.

Say what you need.

It’s surprising how often I find myself burdened by certain obligations of marriage and parenthood and don’t even think to speak up to my husband about them. I don’t intentionally mean to keep my struggles a secret; I tend to (unhealthily) view embracing sacrifice as the more praiseworthy choice than acknowledging my limits, to the point that I end up completely overwhelmed and tired, unable to see them as something potentially fruitful. As we’ve navigated grad school and parenthood over the past few years, I’ve tried to become better about identifying and vocalizing to my husband what can ease the strain. It sounds obvious, but asking for a few hours to go to Adoration, go for a walk, or take myself out to coffee, I’ve finally realized, isn’t selfish. It's a renewal that brings me back to my vocation reenergized.

Thank each other.

In big-picture matters like working a non-dream job or joining in on each other’s extended family vacations, and in small ones like foregoing unnecessary spending when you’re on a budget and putting the dishes away, make a habit of noticing ways your spouse gives of himself or herself for the good of your marriage, and say thank you. For those whose love language is Words of Affirmation, this is particularly meaningful, but for anyone at all, recognizing and valuing what is given can only bear a deeper sense of gratitude, attention, and reverence for the person you love.

No matter how much our particular life demands, on the hardest days I remind myself how much  more miserable I’d be if I were single, with fewer responsibilities, than married to my husband and caring for our children with the difficulties piling on. He is pure gift, meant to sanctify me and, God willing, accompany me to Heaven. Sometimes lightening the load is all about perspective.

“...’alone,’ the man does not completely realize [his] essence. He realizes it only by existing ‘with someone’--and, put even more deeply and completely, by existing ‘for someone.’” - Pope St. John Paul II, TOB 14:2

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About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Six Tips for Catholic Military Spouses

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SOPHIE WHEELER

 

If you know anything about military life, you know it can lend itself to a lot of time away. We’ve been lucky that thus far in our relationship, my husband Daniel has never been deployed. But I can tell you that within the four and a half years we’ve been together, there have certainly been large chunks of time spent apart. This was the first Easter in three years, for example, that we will be able to spend together. And we are grateful for this, because it also happens to be the first Easter with our baby.

Daniel and I met as the result of a mail mix-up. My family and I had just moved to the area, and Daniel’s family lived two streets down. The new high school I was attending sent a welcome package that ended up in the hands of Daniel’s mom. At the time, his youngest brother attended the same school, and we can only assume the mailman made an honest mistake. So our moms swapped mail, met for coffee and a year later I was offered a summer job from his dad. Daniel and I finally met, and the rest is history!

Everyone’s experience with marriage is different, and it’s no different for couples in the military, with maybe some added roadblocks. And a few moves. Daniel and I have been apart at critical times in our relationship: the summer we started dating, he was away for six weeks, with limited communication aside from a few short letters here and there. A few months before our wedding he was sent across the country. He was thankfully able to come back for our wedding and a five-day honeymoon, but we were separated soon after since I had to finish up my degree.

If your other half is in the military, distance and time apart is commonplace. Planning a wedding while apart, with sometimes little to no communication, is not the best scenario, but these are the types of struggles military families--and families-to-be--work through. We had to prepare for marriage while apart, and to navigate our newfound status as husband and wife in the same way. All difficult, but not impossible.

Here are a few things that helped us:

Communicate.

I know this comes up on every relationship advice listicle ever. But no matter how much we read about it, it’s still not always put into practice. Communication is key in every relationship, but its importance cannot be emphasized enough—especially in relationships involving stressors beyond your control, such as inconsistent schedules and extended time apart. Military life lends itself to all these things.

If you don’t put effort into talking to your spouse on a daily basis, or however often you’re able while he or she’s away, about even everyday occurrences, things can quickly deteriorate and you’ll end up with a pile of misunderstandings and frustrations. Try sharing even mundane moments with your spouse. For example, I usually text Daniel whenever I leave the house to go to the grocery store, and text him again once I am back home. Not that it’s necessary for him to know exactly when I go to the store, but it often results in further conversation about our days that wouldn’t come about otherwise. Daniel does the same for me whenever he goes out, which helps keep my day running smoothly and shows me that he's thinking of me and being considerate of my time.

You don’t have to fight.

This is something that has helped our marriage immensely. We have never fought. Please don’t misunderstand and think that we don’t ever disagree! We do. But we have never allowed our differences to escalate into a fight, despite numerous people telling us throughout our marriage prep that “You need to fight! It’s unhealthy if you don’t.”

Every couple has different personalities, but it’s not that we don't fight because we aren't confrontational. My husband and I both have tempers (our families can tell you that). The reason we don’t fight is because our goal is always to control immediate emotional responses, not to suppress our thoughts or feelings--that would be useless, and would achieve the opposite effect. Many times we do this by acknowledging the situation and allowing each other time and space before continuing the conversation.

I want to be extremely clear about this: we would never have made it through two and a half years of dating and more than two years of marriage if we were were in the habit of ignoring our thoughts and feelings simply in favor of not fighting. There would have soon been an explosion.

Don’t talk badly about your spouse.

This is a favorite piece of advice from my mom. It helps in so many ways. Because of Daniel being in the military, most of our time spent apart has been both involuntary and with limited communication.  If you have to spend time away from your husband or wife, the tension only increases when you vent your frustrations to your friend or family member about every little annoying thing that your spouse does.

Instead, spend your time away from each other reflecting on your marriage and thinking of ways to make the most of your time together, while serving one another. This advice most definitely applies even when your spouse is not away. It gives your thoughts room to breathe before you choose whether or not to voice them.

Make sure your spouse has a good connection with your children.

 My grandmother should be given an award for the amount of patience and kindness she has managed to keep after years and years of being married to a military man (if you haven’t deduced this already, our family is going 3 generations strong in making military families). In any case, what this point means is don’t pass off the punishments to the parent the kids rarely see. Don’t make them the bad guy. Make time for children to bond with their parent. After my grandfather came back from a long time away in Okinawa, he and my grandmother spent two days together to reconnect while their children were looked after by family friends. After they got back home, they set up a candlelit dinner for the two older children to enjoy time with their dad, without the littler ones. The day after, the littles got the same chance.

Always do date night.

 Well…whenever you can anyway. Why wouldn’t you want to? Date night refreshes your relationship, especially when you have children. It gives you the chance to communicate in a different setting than your usual day-to-day, gives you something to look forward to together, and will likely lead to joyful conversations about past dates.

Trust.

Through all of our experiences Daniel and I have repeatedly learned the lesson that we should always trust in God’s plan and timing. This is especially important when it comes to all of the seemingly ill-timed training away from home or possibility of upcoming deployments. These situations are the best reminder of this fact: you have little to do with what happens in your life, but you have everything to do with how you deal with it.

Feeling like you have no control over your life or plans comes often in the military, and the only solution is to trust.

Trust God and trust your spouse. Lean on each other, even while you are apart. Maintain loving and encouraging communication when it's possible. When it isn’t, pray for each other and your marriage.

Photos by Spiering Photography.

About the Author: Sophie Wheeler is a wife, mother and artist. She grew up in a military family and as a result has lived in five different countries: the United States, Panama, Spain, Argentina and Venezuela. After settling back in the U.S. and finishing high school, she graduated from George Mason University with a BFA in Arts and Visual Technology. She now runs The Anchor Theory, a freelance graphic design and illustration business. She lives with her husband, Daniel, and their 8-month-old son in North Carolina. 

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Elise's Wedding | 5 Ways to Thrive During the Last Few Weeks of Your Engagement

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ELISE CRAWFORD

 

Save the date ...our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

Photography by Meaghan Clare Photography

I'm writing this at 11:30pm after a full day of work in D.C. with clients, calls with my team and giving a talk this evening to a group of women business owners. I'm tired. Physically, yes but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Wedding planning can be fun and full of exciting adventures, but what happens when it's....not? I think every woman who has gotten married can identify a moment in their planning process when she's thought to herself, "I'm so ready for this to be all over with and just be married already!"

There's no doubt when preparing to enter into the sacrament of marriage that you will experience some sort of spiritual battle; the Enemy trying to keep you from becoming the woman God has made you to be. I've been engaged for almost four years: that's a long time to be engaged in a singular battle! There are so many ups and downs when it comes to wedding planning and as your wedding day draws even closer, those waves of overwhelm can seem to come in faster and even more ferociously. 

No matter how long you've been engaged, I'm sure you can relate to the feeling of fatigue and burnout during the last few weeks leading up to your wedding. Below I'm sharing my five tips for thriving during your final days of engagement. Enjoy and feel free to leave your own tips in the comments!

Stay close to the Eucharist.

 As I mentioned before, I've definitely noticed an increase in spiritual battle or struggle as my wedding day draws near. They can be identified as small or feelings of discouragement and overwhelm or an increased tendency to lose your temper. The Enemy plays on your weaknesses, particularly as you are about to enter into the sacred bonds of marriage. Spend some extra time alone with Christ during the last few weeks of your engagement in order to remain focused. Although you are about to give yourself completely and freely over to another in marriage, Jesus will always be your first Love. Let him nourish you, love you and sanctify you as draw closer to Him. Amp up your prayer life. Although it might seem impossible to fit in anything else in your schedule, it's important to prioritize daily Mass, confession and quiet prayer even more intensely as your big day draws near. 

Write everything down.

 This might seem like an obvious task, but I didn't even think about mapping out the next couple of months leading up to my wedding until I was complaining to a friend about how I didn't even know where to start when it came to everything that still needs to get done. Of course I had thought about having a day-of timeline for my wedding, but now that August 12th is just weeks away, it's been incredibly helpful to take time to write out every little thing that needs to get done before our wedding day, then share it with my bridesmaids, mom and whomever else is helping us prepare. That way, I don't feel like all of the weight of wedding planning is on just my shoulders, and I can breathe knowing there are others who know what needs to be accomplished.

Spend more intentional time together as a couple.

Protect your relationship as a couple. This might sound defensive, but unless you intentionally schedule time with your beloved during these busy weeks, it's not going to happen. It's important to cling to one another during this time. You are both about to experience a life-changing moment together. Engagement is a time of new challenges and maybe unexpected difficulties. Whatever stresses, worries and fears that you are experiencing, these are opportunities for you to grow stronger as a couple. But you can't do that unless you spend time together! Set apart time each week where you do not plan or talk about your upcoming nuptials (or at least keep the wedding chatter to a minimum) and just enjoy each other's company. Take time to still get to know your fiancé and fall even more in love together. Cherish this special time.

Take time for self-care.

 As Nicole Caruso mentioned in our Bridal Makeup Tutorial, it's incredibly important as a bride to take time for self-care. It might be the last thing on your mind, but when you don't take time to prepare yourself, mentally, emotionally and physically, for your new life as a wife, you can fall into the trap of losing perspective. Make sure to schedule time for not only prayer, but doing things that you love. That can be working out, taking a yoga class, reading a book from your favorite genre, attending counseling, taking a bath with your favorite bath salts or getting a massage. I'd highly recommend journaling during this time as well. Journaling helps me assess where I am emotionally and spiritually. Whatever self-care means to you, take time to do something just for yourself and relax. 

Let it go.

 In the words of Elsa, let it go. During your final weeks of engagement, remain focused on why you're getting married in the first place. You are being called into a sacred union with your beloved and Jesus Christ. Along with your to-do list, create a list of things that you are okay with not getting done before your wedding day. These might be last-minute DIY projects or fun ideas that just aren't getting executed. It's okay if not everything comes together as you had imagined. Your wedding day is just one day and at the end of it, you'll be married, which is all that matters!

Let go of any pressure that others, or you, are putting on yourself and go with the flow. If the florist doesn't get your order quite right or the ring bearers' suits aren't the perfect color, it's still going to be a beautiful day. Enjoy these last days of being a bride and soak up every moment. It only happens once! 

About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

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The Importance of Healthy Boundaries During Wedding Planning

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CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

Wedding planning is stressful no matter how you slice it, but when you throw two different extended families into the mix, things can get…complicated. The mother of the bride wants everyone dressed in tuxes and evening gowns, while the mother of the groom insists on a more casual dress code. One side of the family isn’t Catholic and doesn’t understand why the wedding party can’t break out the bubbly right before the wedding Mass. Or perhaps the guest list is the bone of contention: one set of parents insists on everyone being invited—budget notwithstanding—including that friend-of-the-family you haven’t seen since you were two years old.

What some couples don’t realize is that there is an emotionally healthy and charitable way to keep these potential conflicts. By setting clear boundaries with both of your families, you’ll not only avoid wedding planning drama (and the tears that accompany it), you’ll also be setting the tone for your future interactions with extended family.

Be realistic about how much autonomy you and your fiancé can expect during the planning process.

If your parents are paying for some or all of the festivities, you probably can’t reasonably insist on having complete control over the details—especially when it comes to the reception. Think of it this way: this is your parents' gift to you. Normally, we don’t get to choose the gifts that others give us; we simply accept them, even if they’re not exactly what we wanted. No matter how frustrated you may get during the planning process, remember that at the end of the day, you and your husband will be married, which is what matters.

That said, if you want total control from soup to nuts, you’ll need to pay for most everything yourself (like one of our recent contributors, Katie, and her now-husband did). This may not be an option for young couples who are getting married right out of college or grad school, but it’s definitely something to consider if you and your fiancé have been working in the “real world” for a few years.

Communicate clearly from the beginning.

Figure out what you’re willing to compromise on, and what’s non-negotiable for you and your fiancé, and discuss it with both sets of parents as soon as possible. A face-to-face meeting of some kind (FaceTime counts) is preferable, as emails can be easily misinterpreted. Make sure your parents and future in-laws know how much you value their support and input, but make it clear that there are certain things you’re not willing to budge on—especially when it comes to the nuptial Mass. This will be particularly important if one set of parents isn’t Catholic.

Remember that you’re laying the groundwork for your new family’s future.

After you get married, your primary family unit is you and your husband, not you and your family of origin. This is a tough transition to make, especially if you’re close to your family or are still working on establishing healthy boundaries with them. Think of engagement and wedding planning as a trial run for newlywed life, when parents and siblings may struggle to accept that your primary roles are not daughter/sister anymore. You and your future husband are a team, and the more you act as a team while engaged, the easier it will be to set healthy boundaries with your families in the future—especially if you have children.

Don’t be afraid to say “no” (charitably).

Christian charity is not the same thing as being a doormat. Yes, it’s difficult to say “no” to your well-meaning family members (or future in-laws) when they offer their opinions, advice, or assistance, but there is a kind way to do so. The key is to thank them whole-heartedly for their suggestion, and calmly explain that you and your fiancé have already decided to go in a different direction.

Enlist your fiancé's help.

Your fiancé is your biggest ally and can encourage you as you try to establish boundaries, especially with your own family. Make sure you keep him in the loop as much as possible, so that he can call you out if he sees that boundaries are being crossed in either direction. On the flip side, be sure to let him know if you feel like he needs to work on boundaries with his family, especially if you feel as though he is prioritizing his family’s feelings over yours.

If you want to learn how to establish healthy boundaries, consider discussing the topic with a pre-martial counselor in your area. You and your fiancé may also want to check out the following books as part of your marriage preparation:

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman

Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody


Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do by Dr. Tim Clinton

 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Planning your dream wedding without breaking the bank

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KATIE WALDOW

One semester during college, my friend Kate and I started the tradition of getting together to study a few times a month. And by “study” I mean we would meet at Barnes & Noble to pour over the pages of every bridal magazine on the shelf until they kicked us out because we only bought one latte.

I had been dreaming of my wedding day since I was a little girl (cliche, I know). It would be a summer wedding with me wearing a princess dress, bridesmaids in yellow chiffon, and every friend and family member on the dance floor in perfect harmony. Conveniently, I wasn’t dreaming about the financial and logistical implications of hosting a wedding for all of our nearest and dearest. The moment my now-husband, Stephen, and I started discussing engagement and marriage, however, all of that changed. Because we are both one of four, and because we wanted total freedom in the planning process we made the decision to pay for our wedding on our own. Today I am sharing a few ways we planned our dream wedding without breaking the bank.

Design a Dream Budget, but Be Aware of Reality.

Before we were engaged I made a list of all the things I wanted for our wedding day, including everything from dress to DJ. Next to each item I wrote the maximum amount of money I’d be willing to spend, and the grand total reached almost $45,000, which was both overwhelming and unrealistic. I wanted a dream wedding, but there was no way it would be possible at that price. Writing it all down was an important exercise for me, because seeing the potential reality of wedding costs on paper helped me to start planning with a firm grasp on reality.

Readjusting my expectations, knowing how quickly things could add up, crossing certain items off the list entirely, and being mindful of budget challenged me to get creative. It also helped me to reevaluate my priorities and focus on what is most important: the Sacrament itself.

Ask Friends and Family to Share Their Time and Talents

Like us, I am sure you have talented friends and family members who would love to be involved in your special day. Don’t be afraid to ask if they’d be willing to share their gifts and talents with you!  Our main motivation in doing this was to give the day a more personal touch, but it did save money overall to pay those we knew for their expertise. Stephen and I wanted to include as many loved ones as possible by supporting their time and talents, while also sharing their gifts with our other guests.

Although the major elements like venue and photographer were through traditional vendors, almost everything else came from friends and family. Our flowers were ordered online and put together by my youth group students, the groom’s cake was made by Steve’s aunt, and my best friend’s husband went above and beyond to make our wedding video. Two good friends from college and my baby sister sang for our Mass, and another of my sisters took our engagement photos. A dear friend made four different flavors of cupcakes in lieu of a wedding cake, and my family offered their beautiful car to drive me the church. It was truly special to look back on the day and see so many details lovingly created by people who mean so much to us.

Be Creative and Intentional about Saving Money

When I was living on my own I read the Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey and quickly adopted his Envelope System as a way to budget my money and pay down student loans.  I took this same approach to our wedding, writing savings goals or item totals on the outside of the envelopes, and dividing my paycheck into each one weekly. Figuratively spending my paycheck by budgeting this way allowed me to avoid impulse spending, and helped us meet the different payment deadlines for various vendors.

We are fortunate that Steve doesn’t have any student loan debt, and I was living with my grandmother during the time of our engagement, which allowed a good amount of money from our jobs to be used for wedding costs. Stephen’s parents generously hosted the rehearsal dinner, and my family was able to help with some of the venue costs. Despite these advantages, we still had to find creative ways to pay for everything. Throughout the year we were engaged I worked as a waitress in the summer, as a part-time nanny, and I helped a local wedding planner with her social media account, in addition to my full time job. I sold clothes I didn’t need on Poshmark, or through a local consignment shop. Steve worked two jobs, and picked up a summer parking gig at our parish. It was exhausting, I’ll admit, but it was temporary and I know it is a huge reason why we did not start our marriage with a massive amount of wedding debt.

Let Go of What the Wedding Industry Says You “Have to Have” for the Perfect Day

Now more than ever, there are so many options and elements that could go into a wedding day, and it’s easy to get caught up in the extras. Every time Stephen and I thought we’d remembered everything, another potential expense popped up. Knowing and continually revisiting our budget, and cutting out non-essentials helped keep us from feeling the pressure to add more and more.

I remember spending so much energy thinking about wedding favors, but we couldn’t ever agree on one thing that didn’t feel wasteful or was within the budget. After much debate we decided to forgo favors entirely, and focused instead on spending individual time with our guests and personally thanking them for sharing the day with us. As much as a sweet favor can represent the couple and add beautiful detail, it didn’t feel essential for us. Letting go of the elements that didn’t fit our style freed up the budget for the things that were most important to us.

Focus on God  and the Sacrament of Marriage

Throughout our engagement we used different resources to help us keep the focus on the sacrament itself. Three to Get Married by Fulton Sheen, Embracing God’s Plan for Marriage: A Scripture Study for Couples by Mark & Melanie Hart, and the Magnificat were all helpful resources we used to guide our spiritual preparation. The night before our wedding, we left our rehearsal dinner and headed to a local church with perpetual adoration. It was in this same church where our engagement story started and we wanted to take a few moments together to pray, knowing the next day would be a whirlwind.

Stephen and I went through many unexpected trials throughout our engagement, but centering ourselves in prayer was so key. It helped us trust that God would walk with us through the difficult days, and gave us peace of mind in all areas of the planning process.

The journey of engagement is a beautiful and joyful time, but merging finances and opinions and lifelong dreams can quickly turn into struggle and stress if you don’t have your priorities straight. Although Stephen and I were not exempt from these difficulties, we made it through together and we truly enjoyed every minute of our wedding day-- even the part where our getaway car died and we had to improvise. Praying throughout our engagement and knowing God was preparing us for a lifetime together instead of just one day helped put everything into perspective and brought us true peace and joy.

I hope that sharing some of the ways we saved for our wedding will be a source of inspiration for you, and I’d love to hear any creative things you have done throughout your own wedding planning!

Photography by Salt Water Studios


Katie Waldow is a youth minister currently living in Ocean City, NJ with her husband, Stephen, and their dog and cat. She loves the beach, a double espresso and anything blush colored. Her favorite way to pray is reciting the Divine Mercy Chaplet in song. You can find her documenting more of her life & adventures over at heykatie.co .                        

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How To Do Your Own Bridal Makeup | Video Tutorial

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This post contains affiliate links. All opinions are our own and those of the vendors featured in this piece. We believe in authenticity and honesty, and only recommend products and services we would buy and use ourselves. For more information about our disclosure policy as required by the FTC, please see our Terms of Service.

A major part of our mission at Spoken Bride is communicating God's goodness through the medium of beauty. Beauty is an invitation; an outer glimpse into the interior truth of every person. It reflects the deepest desire of our hearts to be known and seen: Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved...let me see your face, let me hear your voice. 

On your wedding day, of course, this longing to be seen is tangibly present as you, the bride, prepare yourself as a gift to your bridegroom. Self-gift is beautiful; radiant in a woman who knows her dignity, worth, and genius. The desire to take extra care with your appearance as you enter into your vocation is natural and good, an integration of the outer and the inner.

This spring, we were thrilled to collaborate with a team of gifted men and women out to pursue and share the Father's glory through beauty. Professional makeup artist Nicole Caruso believes and understands every person is beautiful, made in the Father's image, and jumped at the chance to create a bridal makeup tutorial you can follow and recreate for your big day, with pro-level results.

Click above to view video tutorial

From Nicole: On your wedding day, makeup, hair, and a beautiful dress accentuate your features with special touches. Makeup is a tool to highlight your natural beauty. Following this tutorial step-by-step will help you achieve a flawless, bright complexion, sparkling eyes, and a feminine blushing-bride glow that is the perfect accompaniment to any dress and hairstyle.

If you’re wondering what separates your everyday beauty routine from bridal makeup, just think of taking 3 additional steps than usual like adding extra mascara, a touch of blush, or a rosy lip— something that feels a little more glamorous than usual, but isn’t completely different to what you’re used to. Your wedding day is not the day to change your look completely, in my opinion. Save hair color changes, fake tanning, or a new skincare product for another time (or, test it months before your big day!). 

Typically, a professional makeup artist will charge anywhere from $100-$300 for bridal makeup. For some, that is a large investment for one day, and for others it is a special treat of self-care on their wedding day. In the event that you want to do your own makeup and need to purchase a few new items, the cost may also be between $100-$300, but you get to keep all of the makeup to take along on your honeymoon, and use throughout the first year of your marriage, since most products last up to 12 months (just check the bottom of the product to find out). 

If you follow these steps in this tutorial, I know you will not only look beautiful, but you will radiate confidence as you walk down the aisle. 

Products Used

Click images to enlarge.

The Team Behind The Scenes

Nicole M. Caruso is a wife, mother, makeup artist, and writer. Formerly the Beauty Editor of Verily Magazine, Nicole now shares her expert style and beauty advice, tips on healthy living, and reflections on marriage and motherhood on her website, where she hopes to inspire women to invest in their self-worth. The New York native now resides in Northern Virginia with her husband and daughter. 

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Meaghan Farley is a natural light, portrait, wedding and lifestyle photographer from the Maryland area. She wants her work to celebrate the uniqueness and beauty of the individual(s) she is capturing. As such, she aims to creates timeless, clean images that are not over edited. She works with the natural environment around her to focus on bringing attention to that which is already beautiful.

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Shelagh Bolger brings 7 years of event production experience in the entertainment, non-profit, and political industries successfully planning hundreds of events ranging in size from intimate dinners for 8 to festivals and conferences with thousands of attendees. Her comprehensive logistical and technical skills are coupled with a keen eye for event design and décor. Having lived in Rome, Italy, Shelagh brings her love of art and architecture into her design vision for each event. Styling credentials include attendance at the award winning En Masse Boutique Flower School and the Wild Hand Workspace Photo Styling and Image Creation Workshop. Shelagh’s styling and party planning tips have been published in Darling Magazine and Verily Magazine.

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Megan McCleneghen is originally from Dallas, TX.  She received her B.A in Religious and Pastoral Studies from Mater Ecclesiae College in Smithfield, RI. Megan worked as a coordinator of religious education and as a high school youth minister in Houston, Texas. In 2014 she moved to Washington, D.C. to begin a Master's degree in Theology. She is a current student of the John Paul II Institute at the Catholic University of America and works as a Development Associate at the Saint Luke Institute. Last fall she participated as a model in D.C. Fashion Week. In her free time, Megan enjoys a good British mystery and exploring the beautiful city of Washington. 

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Videography: Max Haben | Photography: Meaghan Clare Photography | Styling: Shelagh Bolger | Makeup Artist: Nicole Caruso | Model: Megan McCleneghen

Navigating the Revised Rite of Marriage

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CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY 

If you’re currently planning your wedding, or have ever been to a Catholic wedding, you know that Catholics do things differently. We don't do "sand ceremonies." We don't process to the altar to top 40 pop music. We don't write our own vows. Instead of 5-10 minutes, our weddings last an hour to an hour and a half. The list goes on.

What you may not know is that the Church recently revised the official marriage rite, and that those revisions could affect your plans for your wedding Mass. Since I got married right after the revisions took place, I was able to get a feel for what’s new and what hasn’t changed. Rest assured that regardless of these revisions, at the end of the day, the Nuptial Mass is what it always has been: a beautiful, joyous celebration of the union of man and woman in marriage.  

The Procession: Here comes the bride...and the groom...and the wedding party.

For some reason, before I got married I was under the impression that the Catholic marriage rite did not allow the groom, groomsmen, and priest to come in from the sacristy, while the bridesmaids and bride processed up the main aisle. At my wedding in December 2016 (days after the revised rite went into effect), my husband-to-be processed into the chapel with the clergy, the wedding party followed, and then I processed up with my Dad.

It turns out that there are quite a few ways to work the procession in accordance with the Church’s rubrics. The couple may process in together, after the clergy, or they may process in separately with their parents. The wedding party may process in two by two, or individually. And yes, the groom and groomsmen can come out of the sacristy and wait for the bride at the altar. The possibilities are almost endless, so be sure to talk with your presider about what you and your fiance are hoping for.

Fun fact: Catholic weddings do not include the question, “Who gives this woman in marriage?”

The Introductory Rites: Why not start with a song?

The revised rite encourages couples to include an opening song in their wedding Mass. This is not required, but it is a lovely way to celebrate the joy of the occasion. Many couples opt for instrumental music during the procession, and then sing a couple of verses of a favorite hymn once the bride and groom have reached the altar. If you don’t want to use a hymn, you could ask your presider to chant one of the antiphons suggested for nuptial Masses.

The Penitential Act is omitted from the revised rite, for reasons that the instructions for the rite do not make clear. What is clear is why the Gloria is now required for all wedding Masses: the Gloria is sung on Sundays (except during Lent) and all solemnities that the Church celebrates. How beautiful that the Church has elevated weddings to the same level as major feasts!

Fun fact: In a Catholic wedding, the presider will not ask if anyone in the congregation knows of a reason why the two people should not be joined in matrimony.

The Liturgy of the Word: Decisions, decisions.

The revised marriage rite includes more options from Scripture to choose from, but instructs that at least one the readings chosen must refer to marriage. Thus, a couple could choose St. Paul’s ever-popular hymn to love (1 Cor. 12:31-13:8a), but the Gospel or Old Testament reading would have to then explicitly reference marriage.

One thing to note is that if your wedding falls on a major feast day, like Epiphany, or during the Octave of Easter, the readings will be chosen for you based on the lectionary for that day.

The Celebration of Matrimony: Universal and particular.

While there aren’t any major changes in the actual rite of marriage, the revisions do stress the free choice of the couple, particularly in the “giving of rings” (previously called the “exchange” of rings): instead of asking each other to “take” the ring, they ask each other to “receive” the ring.

The revised rite also encourages the congregation to participate in an acclamation of praise--such as, “Thanks be to God” or “alleluia” after the couple has given their consent.

It’s no secret that the marriage rite has been adapted by many parishes to include various cultural additions, but in the revised rite some of these traditions, such as the exchange of arras (coins) as a sign of the groom’s promise to provide for the bride, have become “official” options for couples.

Fun fact: The official Catholic term for what most people refer to as “vows” is “exchange of consent”. In a Catholic wedding, the couple is not making a vow to God, but rather offering their consent to marry each other.  

The Liturgy of the Eucharist: This is my body, given up for you.

Usually, the only living people who are mentioned in the Eucharistic prayer are the Pope and local bishop; at your wedding Mass, you and your husband will be named in this prayer! How cool is that? You’ll also get a special Nuptial blessing (which focuses mostly on the bride), but that hasn’t changed with the new rite.


I hope this has been a helpful overview of the changes you might encounter as you prepare for your nuptial Mass. If you’d like more detailed information on the revised marriage rite, Pastoral Liturgy has a good overview.

 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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I Dos and Don'ts: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | The Booking Phase of Your Engagement

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ANDI COMPTON

 

The booking phase is one of my favorite parts of wedding prep because after all your initial dreaming, you finally get to assemble a team to bring your vision and all your plans to life.

If you’re following the phase approach to wedding planning suggested in this series, you’ve already solidified many budget-related matters. As you move forward into booking, bear in mind that “affordable” is not a number. I see lots of requests online for brides seeking an “affordable” florist/coordinator/photographer, and frankly, affordable means something different to each couple.

Know how much you are willing to spend for each vendor, and be honest and up front when asking for recommendations. It’s much easier for a friend or coordinator to give you a recommendation when you ask “Do you of any local wedding photographers who cost less than $3,000?” than “Do you know of any affordable local photographers?”

Here are three tips to guide you as you research, interview, and hire vendors:

Order matters.

Certain categories of vendors tend to book a year or more in advance. This is generally limited to vendors who can only handle one event per day, or to those who are extremely popular in their area. Examples might include reception venues with only one event space or independent wedding photographers who are not part of a larger company. Prioritizing a particular order helps you focus, so you can assemble your dream team one vendor at a time.

First Priority:

Church

Reception Venue

Wedding Coordinator

Photographer

Caterer

Wedding Dress

 

Second Priority:

Videographer

Rentals (chairs, tables, linens, lounge furniture)

Florals

Ceremony and Reception Musicians

Bridesmaid Attire

Stationer

Cake/Dessert Baker

Hairstylist

Makeup Artist

Menswear

 

Third Priority:

Transportation

Seamstress for Alterations

Lighting Designer

Bartending Service

Rehearsal Dinner/Morning After Brunch Venue

Keep in mind an exception to this list: if there is a vendor in any category that you really want to work with, prioritize them in your budget and book them as early as possible.

Scroll down for download link. 

Limit interviews.

Limit yourself to interviewing 1-3 vendors per category. By all means, research as many individuals as you’d like, but only take the time to meet with those who are within your budget and whose product or service you truly like. It can quickly become overwhelming to interview 12 different photographers and try to remember each of them and the communication you’ve had. For some, the constant need to research and meet with vendors can become addicting, so strive to be aware of the possibility, know yourself, and slow down if you find yourself obsessing over anything. Click here for Elise's suggested interview questions for major vendors.

You aren’t booked until you sign a contract.

Even if a vendor has sent you a proposal, to which you’ve sent an enthusiastic response, you have not officially booked them until you’ve signed a contract and put down a deposit. Vendors often have many couples seeking their services for the same date. Depending on their policies, some might offer a few days to make your decision; others work with whatever couple submits their contract and deposit first. When in doubt, ask what a company’s booking policy is!

As our gift to you, we’ve created a free printable checklist for the booking phase to keep all your vendor details in one location. I highly suggest keeping a two inch binder with these sheets, along with a hard copy of each of your contracts.

Happy Planning!

Click here to download the Booking Checklist.

About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party, where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Editors' Picks | Vol. 6: Bridesmaids Gifts

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At Spoken Bride, we love a good book, a good meal, a standout statement necklace, a heel you can dance in, and the list goes on. And when we make those discoveries, we want to tell everyone. So every month or two, we're sharing our latest and favorite finds in everything engagement, wedding, and honeymoon-related.

If you choose, your wedding party has the potential to be so much more than the friends and family members who join you on the altar and circle around during your first dance. These men and women can be powerful, loving intercessors during engagement and throughout your marriage--for that, and for all their assistance and investment preparing for your big day and standing next to you as you say your vows, they deserve a worthy thank you! Today we're sharing some of our favorite gifts for bridesmaids.

Christina, Associate Editor

When purchasing gifts for my bridesmaids--who were all close family members--I tried to give them something that they could use and enjoy beyond the wedding day. I ended up putting together gift bags with the following four items, and my bridesmaids loved them.

Anthropologie House & Home items: I got each of my bridesmaids a personalized mug except for my cousin, who got a candle--she has limited cabinet space and had mentioned to me before that she didn’t want anymore mugs. Anthropologie is my go-to for this kind of thing, and my secret to keeping costs down is to scour the sale section. Candles and mugs are often on sale for as little as $6!

Literary Heroine Bookmark: All of my bridesmaids love to read, and although they’re not all quite as nerdy as I am, I knew they’d appreciate one of these darling bookmarks from Carrot Top Paper Shop. Each got a different heroine, although I couldn’t resist giving my sister Elisa, my Maid of Honor, Anne of Green Gables and Hermione.

Earrings: Each of my bridesmaids wore a different, self-selected dress, so I decided to get them all similar earrings to pull everything together on the big day. As much as I wanted the gifts to be a surprise, I also wanted my maids to like their earrings enough to get post-wedding wear out of them, so I asked each about their preferred style of earring and got them all at Anthro, which I knew would be a hit.

Letter of gratitude: By far my favorite part of the bridesmaid gift bag was the personalized thank you notes that I wrote to each of my maids. Each of them is so precious to me, and since I’m a Words-of-Affirmation gal, I couldn’t help telling them so on my wedding day. I knew I wouldn’t have time to sit down with each of them before the wedding and pour my heart out, but a letter is the next best thing. I chose cards from Papersource that reflected each of our relationships and spent time in the weeks leading up to the wedding crafting well-thought out letters of gratitude to my two sisters, sister-in-law, and cousin-who-might-as-well-be-a-sister. It was one of my favorite parts of the wedding planning process, and I’m so glad I took the time to do it.

Elise, Social Media Coordinator

Plum Pretty Sugar Robes: I'm excited to be gifting my bridesmaids with these comfy robes for all of us to wear as we get our hair and makeup done the morning of my wedding! It's the perfect way to make your bridesmaids to feel pampered and comfortable during prep time, and always fun to match with your best girls!  

Customized makeup bags: These bags would be perfect for holding personal makeup while prepping for the wedding. Bonus: this bag can double as a clutch for your bridesmaids throughout the wedding day. Hello makeup retouch en route to the reception! 

Holy Family medal: A small medal of the Holy Family, the Blessed Mother or each bridesmaid's patron saint is a thoughtful way for you to add a spiritual touch to your wedding party gifts. If you want, you can have the medals blessed and even pray with them in the weeks leading up the wedding, before gifting them to your bridesmaids. 

Stephanie, Editor in Chief + Co-Founder

Mystic Monk Coffee or Tea + Brick House in the City Mug: Depending when in the day your wedding is, your getting-ready time can be anywhere from before dawn to a somewhat normal breakfast hour. Either way, ease into hair, makeup, and photos by treating each of your bridesmaids to her favorite hot drink. A box of gourmet coffee or tea--Mystic Monk is delicious and supports our Carmelite brothers in monastic life--along with a mug to remember the day by, elevates a normal morning ritual into a time worth remembering. One of our brides designed mugs as a favor for her guests; I also love this one from Brick House in the City, a Catholic-owned small business!

Naves Design Clutch: Between pajamas or getting-ready outfits, shoes, makeup, accessories, snacks, chargers, emergency items, and beyond, every bridesmaid has plenty to carry over the course of a wedding day. A pretty clutch, like this handmade one, helps your ladies keep their essentials close at hand through traveling and photo ops, and a metallic or neutral shade is classic and versatile enough for long after the big day.

Makeup brush set: If you’re all doing your own makeup, quality tools feel like a treat and can ease and simplify application. A set of brushes is the kind of item I’d never think to buy for myself, but would love to receive as a gift, one I know I’d frequently use. This budget option from EcoTools and this higher-end option from Too Faced each boast good looks and come well-reviewed by beauty-savvy women.

Andi, Business Director

Pretty Please Custom Nail Polish: Toss a fun shade of nail polish into a bag with some additional pampering essentials. It's fun receiving gifts of little luxuries you wouldn't normally purchase for yourself.

Telos Art Spiritual Bouquet: A beautiful image to accompany a personal list of prayers and intentions from you, to each of your bridesmaids.

Quality time: Nothing beats quality time with your best girlfriends and sisters. Treat the members of your bridal party to lunch, manis and pedis, a besties day at your favorite tourist trap...whatever gives you ladies great bonding time!

Tote Bag: My friend once gave each bridesmaid an LL Bean Medium tote bag, personalized with our initials and filled with a giant, fuzzy bathrobe. They're excellent quality bags--I still have mine almost 10 years later!

Flats or Flip Flops for the reception: Give your maids some cute shoes for the reception so they can tear up the dance floor. Personally, I love seeing bright, fun shoes paired with fancy bridesmaid dresses.

Jiza, Co-Founder + Creative Director

Bridesmaid Emergency Kit: The morning of the wedding can sometimes be crazy, so gifting an emergency kit is just a small way to help everyone have what they might need at the last minute. 

BHLDN Botanic Garden Robes: As a wedding photographer, I always love when all of the bridesmaids are in coordinating or matching robes while getting ready. It makes for a super cute group photo with the bride, attractive & modest "getting ready" photos (because no one wants to be photographed in pajamas, tank tops, or bras), and it's something your bridesmaids can continue to use after the wedding day.

My Saint My Hero "Trinity" Necklace: Looking to give a piece of beautiful jewelry to your bridesmaids? My Saint My Hero now offers these petite necklaces that are both feminine and a beautiful reminder of our faith. The Swarovski crystal comes in a few different colors, so you can pick one that coordinates with your wedding theme.

We love making new discoveries, particularly from Catholic vendors--share your bridesmaid gift ideas in the comments or on our social media!

 

I Trust in You: 4 Ways to Live Out Divine Mercy as a Couple

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This weekend the Church celebrates Divine Mercy Sunday, the name and feast given the second Sunday of Easter by Saint John Paul II at Saint Faustina’s canonization seventeen years ago. The message of Divine Mercy is powerfully simple: Jesus longs to draw us intimately close to his Sacred Heart and to pour out his forgiveness and grace, if only we accept his invitation. “Know that as often as you come to Me,” Christ said to Faustina, “humbling yourself and asking My forgiveness, I pour out a superabundance of graces on your soul, and your imperfection vanishes before My eyes, and I see only your love and your humility. You lose nothing but gain much.”

As spouses are called to love and sanctify each other with Christ-like love, incorporating a Divine Mercy-oriented spirituality into your relationship, one fixed on the heart of Jesus, can make manifest his love in your sacramental life and in the practicals of discussion and problem-solving. Consider…

Setting regular confession dates.

The clearer the path between your soul and God, the better disposed you are to receive the graces he so desperately desires to bestow and the clearer the path between you and your fiancé or spouse. Because most parishes offer weekly confessions, it can be easy to put off reconciliation until next week, or the next, or the next. Designating one or two Saturdays a month to attend confession and Mass together, followed by a brunch or dinner date, keeps the both of you accountable for meeting Jesus in the sacrament, encourages frequent self-examination, and constantly forces you to your knees, aware of our deep need for the Father’s love and mercy.

Resolving arguments more simply.

This doesn’t necessarily mean hashing out every disagreement to perfection before allowing yourselves to move on; so many relational, family, or virtue-related issues are complex works in progress that aren’t always easily solved. What it does mean is being quick to acknowledge whatever your current struggle is and to meet it with love: listen without interruption, hold hands, use eye contact, and perhaps even offer a smile as you talk. Above all, be generous in forgiveness. A ready “I forgive you,” spoken sincerely and without a grudge, can ease small wounds and sharp words as you work through arguments.

Cultivating a constantly deeper openness to God’s will.

“Every hour is a precious boon,” sings Andrew Peterson. “Every breath is a mercy.” He’s right. It’s been said that Jesus’ message of mercy is closely tied to his providence and to the Father’s will for every person. If, in God’s greatness, perfect mercy is perfect love, then any occurrence in our lives can be viewed as a gift of love, even in suffering, because he wills for us to know him and who he is--in goodness, generosity, and tenderness. Develop a habit of asking Jesus to reveal to you his Father’s will, and of meaning it in a real way. A heart of obedience and service can be much easier to develop in theory than in practice, yet the more often we call upon Jesus to draw us into his heart and show us God’s loving mercy, the easier it becomes to take in and truly live out the words, “thy will be done.”

Entrusting yourselves to Our Lady.

The 1981 attempt on John Paul II’s life took place on the anniversary of Mary’s first appearance at Fatima, a date the Pope knew couldn’t be attributed to mere coincidence. Months later, he would set the bullet that pierced him into the crown of the official statue of Our Lady of Fatima. He called his journey to Portugal “a pilgrimage of thanksgiving ‘to the mercy of God...and the Mother of Christ,’” emphasizing that devotion to Mary points us directly at the heart of her son.

The closeness between Jesus’ Sacred Heart and Mary’s Immaculate Heart is so deep, so profound that it’s a mystery in every sense. The ultimate loving mother, Our Lady desires only to bring us to her son. Developing a devotion to her, through the Rosary or spoken prayer, frequently invoking her intercession, and/or through total consecration to her, infuses our own lives with an earthly taste of her deep love for and union with Christ.

Humility, forgiveness, rest: an encounter with the divine. Mercy abounds in countless, varied experiences of Jesus’ love and, with intention and purpose, can bring his love into your engagement and marriage in a tangible way.


 

I Dos and Dont's: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | Stewardship and the Practicals of Working Out Your Budget

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ANDI COMPTON

 

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

Today, Andi breaks down an essential part of early wedding planning--creating and allocating your budget--and has created two worksheets to share with your fiancé and your families to clarify what each party values most for your wedding and to identify each of your financial contributions. They're beautifully designed, comprehensive resources we're thrilled to offer you!

As a wedding coordinator, I take wedding budgets very seriously. They represent a huge commitment of time and money from the bride, groom, and often both of their families. Sometimes it’s the largest event any of them have hosted! 

It’s easy to overspend if you don’t take time at the very beginning of the planning process to set a reasonable budget everyone is comfortable with, and to constantly update it and make sure you're all on the same page.

As Christians, we are called to be good stewards of the gifts God has given us, including our finances. Luke's Gospel asks us, “Which of you wishing to construct a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if there is enough for its completion? Otherwise, after laying the foundation and finding himself unable to finish the work the onlookers should laugh at him and say, ‘This one began to build but did not have the resources to finish.'” (14:28-30)

The same principles apply to planning any kind of party. We start with our not-so-glamorous budget and offer it up to God. And from there, we can move on to making the fun decisions and indulging a little in the perks of being a bride.

I share the budgeting tips below with my clients and really, with anyone who wants to talk weddings with me:

Prioritize.

I’m going to say something I’ve never heard another wedding industry pro say: aside from your nuptial Mass and marriage license, everything else in this process is optional. Everything.

You don’t have to send out paper invitations, eat cake, wear a white dress, carry a bouquet, or even have a single photo taken to become man and wife. All those things are wonderful traditions that are fun to choose, but they are not what binds you to one another for life.

So here’s what you do: prioritize. Separately from each other, write down the top 3-5 wedding elements that are the most important to each of you, and the 3-5 that aren’t very important to you, i.e. categories in which you wouldn't mind spending less money or deferring to your beloved's choices.

Here’s a little sample:

Her High Priorities: Music for Mass, Wedding dress, color scheme for reception, Invitations, coordinator
His High Priorities: Readings for Mass, style of Tuxes for me and groomsmen,  good food at reception, photographer/videographer, good Cake
Her Low Priorities: Music for Reception, Reception Bar, Limos
His Low Priorities: Transportation, Flowers, Bridesmaid dresses, invitations

As you talk and discuss these together, come up with your own unified list of priorities to focus on. Categories with higher priorities get booked first and generally have a larger amount of money spent on them. Categories with lower priorities can be done by friends and family, delegated to parents or family to decide on, or omitted entirely.

Leave a little wiggle room.

When planning a big event with lots of moving parts to it, things happen. A pair of shoes gets forgotten 100 miles away and you dash to the mall for another pair. You’re suddenly starving and make a Jamba Juice run for the bridal party between the ceremony and reception. You decide to go overtime with your reception vendors and add an extra hour to the party because everyone is having so much fun. Additional, unexpected situations arise, and it’s best to leave at least 5-10% of your budget open for these possibilities.

Accept.

Another shocking fact: no one gets everything they want. Even couples with a $100,000 budget still have to pick and choose what matters and make compromises to stay on budget. Yes, that might look like skipping a 10-minute firework show and choosing to have your guests wave sparklers at the end of the night instead. But ultimately, no couple gets every single element they want unless they have unlimited money. Learning to accept that compromise is a part of life, and sticking to your budget is excellent practice for marriage!

Thank those who have contributed to your day in any way. 

Really take the time to thank your parents, grandparents, godparents, friends, and anyone who has contributed to your wedding financially or with the gift of their time. They are not obligated to give you your dream wedding, and chances are, they've made sacrifices to give you as much as possible. Sending a kind note, taking them out to dinner or on a fun day trip, or giving a gift at your rehearsal dinner are all beautiful ways of showing your appreciation.

Enjoy the fruits of your labor!

When the day you've been preparing for spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically finally comes, surrender it to God. Don't stress the details, and be intentional and present. Hire a day-of coordinator if you prefer, or designate a family member or friend be the point of contact for all your vendors so that you can just soak everything in. Your budget will still be there Monday morning after your wedding, and some expenses may not be finalized until then. If possible, it's nice to wait until after your honeymoon to wrap everything up.

My final piece of wedding budget is advice is to never, ever, ever, ever take out debt to throw a party. Do what you can with what you have--another great life lesson.

Now I want to hear from you! What have you and your groom prioritized as most important and least important for your wedding? 

Download the Budgeting resources below:

About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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Making the Most of a Short Engagement

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CHRISTINA DEHAN JALOWAY

 

Engagement is a wonderful, stressful, romantic, scary, and beautiful time in a couple’s life. Having just lived through a whirlwind courtship and as-short-as-the-church-allows engagement, I have been asked by a few readers to share my tips for a fruitful engagement when time is not exactly on your side.

Before I get to the list, I will say that Kristian and I are both thankful that we were only engaged for six months. True, it made wedding planning a little (lot) more stressful at times, and there were moments where I wondered if we were rushing things. But when I had my wits about me, it was clear that a short engagement was the way to go for us, and not just because Kristian was 40 and I was 32 when we started dating. For example, Kristian and I both appreciated that the short wedding-planning time frame made it difficult (for me) to overthink all of the details and get too stressed out by the process. And honestly, once Kristian and I were sure we were called to marriage, we were ready to get married. 

That said, I do think that the way Kristian and I went about wedding planning and preparing for marriage made our short engagement a more fruitful, less rushed experience than it could have otherwise been. Below, you'll find a few tips that I think would work for most couples. (If you're on the opposite end of the spectrum, like our Social Media Coordinator Elise, check out her tips for thriving in a long engagement here.)

1. Go to a few sessions with a Catholic licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT).

That may sound extreme, but I think that it was the most valuable thing we did during our engagement. This is not to say that your parish priest or deacon isn’t a good resource, but chances are they don’t have the time or the training to help you and your fiance dig into the nitty-gritty of your relationship and the potential areas of conflict that may crop up in your marriage. For me personally, couples therapy helped dispel many of my fears and gave me much more peace in the final weeks approaching our wedding.

2. Do a nightly relationship examen.

Each night, Kristian and I would spend a few minutes (usually walking around one of our neighborhoods) examining our relationship that day. We kept it simple so that it wouldn’t become burdensome, and it went something like this:

  1. What was the most satisfying thing about our relationship today?

  2. What was the least satisfying thing about our relationship today?

  3. What can I do to make your life better/easier tomorrow?

The examen gave us the opportunity to remember the enjoyable parts of the day and to air any grievances before they had a chance to fester into resentment. It wasn’t always pleasant to do, but answering these questions each day prompted important conversations and deeper intimacy, which is why Kristian and I continue the practice each night now that we're married. 

3. Go on a DIY pre-marriage retreat

If you’re like me, typical Pre-Cana retreat, as helpful as it may be, will leave you wanting more. Don’t get me wrong: group marriage retreats have their place, and Kristian and I enjoyed getting to meet other couples who were getting married around the same time as us, but I wanted something that went deeper and was more personal. Unfortunately, due to our short engagement, we didn’t have time to go to a monastery for a couple of days (which was my ideal). So, we compromised and planned a mini-retreat for the week before our wedding. We kept it simple and just spent a morning in a nearby adoration chapel, meditating on the vows we would be making in just a few days. We took each set of vows, spent about 20 minutes praying and journaling about them, and then went outside on a bench and shared our reflections with each other. It was such a peaceful and enriching experience for both of us, and it made our wedding Mass even more meaningful.

4. Keep the bridal showers to a minimum.

When you only have a few months to plan a wedding and prepare for a lifelong commitment to the man you love, having six bridal showers is not going to make things any easier. My recommendation is--if at all possible--to say yes to one shower hosted by a friend and one hosted by extended family. All you have to do is kindly decline the extra offers, and make sure that the would-be hostesses get invited to one of the main showers.

Regardless of how long or short your engagement is, the most important thing to remember is that it is a time of preparation for marriage to the one you love. I know that sounds obvious, but short engagements can get so clogged with wedding planning, parties, showers, and other distractions that it’s easy to forget the Sacrament. I hope the tips above help you and your fiance navigate this time peacefully and joyfully.


Now we’d like to hear from you: did you have a short engagement? Any tips you want to share with other brides-to-be? Please do so in the comments!

 

About the Author: Christina Dehan Jaloway is Spoken Bride's Associate Editor. She is the author of the blog The Evangelista. Read more

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Learning to Long: A Letter to My Fiancé

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ALEXA DONCSENCZ SMITH

 

Dear Fiancé,

Today we spent the day together, and it was perfect. And at the end of the day we had to say goodbye again. We went home to separate houses and will wake up to separate worlds. Today is Sunday, and the next time I see you it will be Friday.

Right now, that feels like four days that serve no purpose. Four days to get through, to endure. Four days I don't really need.

I'm ready to be coming home to you. I'm ready to not say goodbye anymore. To spend a day that doesn't end with our going separate ways, followed by days and days apart.

Tonight, since you left, I've been really miserable. I've been angry. I've sat at my computer with a scowl on my face and frustration in my heart. I've thought about how much it hurts not to be married yet, and how long we still have to go.

I'm telling you this because it's important. It’s important that my letters to you reflect not just the joys of our engagement – tasting wedding cake samples, finding out which bridal expos have the best free hors d'oeuvres, replicating every wedding related DIY craft on Pinterest – but also the struggles, the harsh realities, and the challenges we’ve endured as a team.

The truth is that a lot of couples don't put themselves through this. Our culture has found a streamlined approach to gratification, and what that means is that couples never have to experience the pain and loneliness and frustration that comes with saying goodbye to the person you love every night until marriage. They've eliminated that, and they see it as a good thing.

I can kind of understand why they think that. It's easier. It's less painful.

The culture will often choose what is easy and painless. And on the other end of the spectrum, you and I get to learn what it feels like to long.

I get to spend the next eighteen months frustrated to not wake up with you. I get to go to bed angry on Sunday nights after you've left, knowing I don't get to be with you again for another week. I get to dwell in the pain and sadness that comes with waiting for the appropriate time to share all that I want to share with you: to live with you, to love you in the little moments every day, to fall asleep and wake up next to my best friend.

And because I've learned how to long, because I've learned what it feels like to be without you, I know I will never take our marriage for granted.

I can't wait for the way it will feel on our wedding day, knowing there is no such thing as going home to separate houses ever again. There will be no more goodbyes, no more living in different worlds during the week, no more waiting days between seeing each other. We will never take those things for granted, because we had to go so long without them. We had to struggle through not having those things, even when we felt ready for them.

Sometimes I feel defeated. Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I cry because I can't help it and it all just feels like more than I can handle.

But when I finally manage to pull myself together, I remember we are going to have something incredibly strong and beautiful. Part of the reason it's going to be so strong and so beautiful is because our right now is as difficult as it is.

This is not the easy way. But we're doing what we know is right, what we believe in and what our faith asks of us. We are doing what we know builds strong, beautiful relationships and marriages. I want nothing less with you.

About the Author: Alexa is a 2013 graduate of The Catholic University of America, where she earned her B.S. in Biology with a minor in Psychology. Since 2014, she has served as the Assistant Coordinator for Youth, Young Adult and Family Ministry for the Diocese of Allentown. Alexa and her fiancé Patrick got engaged in December 2016, and are excitedly planning and preparing for a June 2018 marriage. Together they enjoy Cracker Barrel breakfasts, long walks around Barnes & Noble, and deciding which bridal expos have the best cake samples. Alexa's hobbies include writing, photography, and drinking coffee. 

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Putting Aside the Details: My Engaged Encounter Experience

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EMILY DIBIASE

 

The day after my fiancé and I got engaged, we sat down and wrote a prayer to say together every night of our engagement in preparation for marriage. It’s a practice we began over two years ago when we started the long distance portion of our relationship, adjusting the prayer to whatever circumstances we were in at that time to bring us together spiritually even when we were physically apart.

In our engagement prayer, we were intentional in including the invocation to help us “not let the details get the way.” I was happy to include it, but thought it was a little unnecessary – I of all people certainly was not going to be a bridezilla. My fiancé and I are both devout Catholics, so I recognized that the wedding Mass was far more important than the rest of the day. Dozens of brides had warned me not to let the wedding take over my life, and after working for a church for seven years, I’d seen plenty of brides who didn’t have the joy I hoped to feel on my wedding day, since their minds were too preoccupied by details to be truly present in the day. Thus, I vowed to never let the wedding take precedence over my marriage.

Through the first five months of our engagement, I naively thought I'd kept my promise. I picked my wedding dress in less than an hour (it was the first one I tried on), I hired the first and only DJ I ever talked to, I spent hours perusing the internet to find the best deals on everything because I was determined not to go over our budget, and I hardly delegated tasks to anyone, even my fiancé. I was an easy bride…or so I thought.

The last few weeks have been jammed. As we quickly approach our June wedding, I’ve been trying to cram everything going on in my life into whatever spare hours I have, including the brilliant idea of spending the two hours we had between work and our pre-Cana program printing our DIY invitations. After an hour of trying unsuccessfully (they printed out, but were navy, not teal, and would clash with our motif), I finally barked to forget it, and we went off on our weekend. It wasn’t until I was having a complete meltdown on the way to marriage prep that I realized my priorities were way off-track. 

Oddly enough, one of the parts I was dreading most in the wedding preparations was pre-Cana. As part of our engagement present, my future in-laws had sponsored my fiancé and me to attend an Engaged Encounter weekend, a retreat-based marriage preparation program that fulfills pre-Cana requirements. I was extremely grateful for this gift, but the thought of spending an entire weekend away from our hectic lives of work, grad school, volunteering, and wedding planning was daunting.

The closer we got to the weekend, the more apprehensive I became. I knew the basic format of the weekend – someone would discuss a trigger topic of marriage (ie. money, intimacy, NFP, communication, etc.) and then we would have time to write about our responses and share them with each other. We’d also been told that it would be a working weekend and to come well rested (ha!). I imagined my sleep-deprived fiancé and myself attempting to have meaningful conversations and ending up just arguing the entire weekend. After a long week at work, the last thing I felt like doing was losing out on more sleep and fighting battles we had already settled long before.

So here we were, two devout Catholics sitting in a conference room on a Friday night dreading our pre-Cana weekend and cockily thinking that we had nothing to gain from it. I’ve planned dozens of retreats before and knew that attitude was everything, but here I was falling into the same trap as so many others before me. I was totally not present, sullenly calculating how many hours it was until we would be released, and wrapped up in worrying about how to get the invitations done on time.

At the beginning of the weekend, the moderators stressed that we were going to get out of the weekend whatever we put into it. I was cynical, but as I listened to the two moderating couples – one married for twelve years, the other for sixty – I began to realize that we have a lot to learn. These two couples opened up to us about what they’d been through in marriage: the highs, the lows, and everything in between. They were so brutally honest and open that it caused us to want to be brutally honest and open with each other as well. Their love was infectious, and I found myself slowly letting go of all of the stresses and taking the time to really look at the man I was marrying, who I realized I’d been looking past in all of my planning. Despite my valiant attempts, I’d made him just another piece in the puzzle of my dream day, instead of letting him make my day a dream.

Throughout the weekend, we slowly let our guards down and fell in love again on a deeper level through our intimate conversations. We went from being business partners, tasked with accomplishing the task of merging our lives with at times unemotional precision, to being carefree lovebirds again, totally in awe of each other and the great gift of love that we've been given by God.

What Engaged Encounter gave us was the opportunity to take intentional time to turn off every distraction and just focus on us. We talked about subjects we’d evaded in the past, or hadn't had time to fully discuss in a relaxed and loving setting. Conversations I’d never imagined bringing up that weekend came up naturally, free of tension and full of honest, thoughtful dialogue. Even more importantly, the retreat encouraged us to reground our relationship with each other in our relationship with God, and to recognize that the closer we become to Him, the closer we will be to each other.

The turning point came for me on Saturday night when we all gathered in the chapel for a special blessing. Part of the blessing involved us taking each other’s hands in the manner that we will on our wedding day. As we stood looking in each other’s eyes, I felt an overwhelming desire to marry my fiance right then and there. And suddenly, I realized it didn’t matter if the bridesmaids’ flowers were ivory or blush or if the wedding programs were printed on the same paper as the invitations; my dream wedding is going to be a dream because I’m marrying the love of my life, my best friend, the man who draws me closer to God on a daily basis, who makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, and who practices selfless, sacrificial love every day.

Before our Engaged Encounter weekend, I was excited for my marriage, but I was focused on the wedding, letting the details and the pressures of hosting a Pinterest-perfect party get in the way of continuing to feed and develop my relationship with my beloved. After Engaged Encounter, I am still excited for my “fairytale” wedding, but have become focused on my upcoming marriage and the excitement and humility I have in joining my life with the person I love most, second only to Jesus.

Did our engagement become perfect after our weekend? Not at all. On Monday morning, I still had to handle the invitation fiasco and hunt down the florist for a price on the flowers, and even now I still have to remind myself to not get so wrapped up in the details. But from the moment we left the retreat, I noticed that we were much more intentional in making sure that the other felt loved and appreciated and did our best to retain the joy in each other’s presence that was so prevalent that weekend.

On June 16th, I will once again stand opposite the man of my dreams, holding his hands and taking the biggest leap of faith I’ve ever taken. I can’t say that I’m confident the invitations will perfectly match the bridesmaid dresses or that my floating candles will last the entire night, but thanks to Engaged Encounter, I now feel more confident than ever in the most important part of the day – that I am marrying the most amazing man in the world, and that I am the most blessed girl in the world to be able to do so.

If you’d like to learn more about Engaged Encounter, please visit their website.

About the Author: Emily DiBiase is marrying the love of her life on June 16, 2017. She now works in the Marketing Department at the same college where she and her fiancé Aaron met as high school students at an accepted students day. She is currently studying for her master’s in theology through the Augustine Institute, and when she’s not wedding planning, you can probably find her teaching religious education, running the parish youth group, spending time with family, or starting her Catholic marketing company, Gloriam Marketing. She loves biblical studies, especially typology, and has strong feelings about God, Jane Austen, and the Oxford comma. She blogs about Catholic young adult life at www.catholickidproblems.wordpress.com. 

4 Ways Your Wedding Website Can Be a Means of Evangelization

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STEPHANIE CALIS

 

Aside from details like the who, the where, and the RSVPs, directing guests to your wedding website offers a unique occasion to share your faith with your family and friends. If you and your fiancé have chosen to create one, it's certain nearly everyone invited to your big day will visit your site as soon as they see the address online or in their Save the Date. So, consider your website your letter to family and friends--a large, and possibly varied, audience. Pray together about what message you hope to convey as you introduce your guests to who you are as a couple and to what your wedding day will be all about.

Stating why you believe what you do, in your own words and in a way that's truthful, casual, and aimed at the heart, can go a long way in making your Catholic wedding an invitation to deeper understanding and a witness to the beauty of marriage in the Church. You might consider adding any or all of these elements to your site:

Tell the story of a saint who's had a hand in your relationship.

If the Father and the communion of saints have written your love story, consider saying so. True stories of virtue and holiness speak for themselves, and they also provide an opportunity to break down why and how Catholics call upon the saints' intercession.

Include explanations of parts of the Mass, like communion and the Rite of Marriage, for guests who might be unfamiliar.

Briefly and charitably discussing modest dress in the chapel, guidelines for who can receive communion and why, and reasons the Rite of Marriage matters for the sacrament can all go a long way in making your guests--particularly non-Catholics or those who've been away from the faith--feel at ease and not experience surprises that could be misperceived as exclusive or judgmental, like a non-Catholic not being permitted to receive the Eucharist.

Host an open-invitation holy hour after your rehearsal.

One of the most treasured moments of my life was praying with my college best friend moments before her wedding rehearsal, in the chapel on our campus where we'd both, at some point, alternately smiled and wept thinking about our future husbands, babies, and marriages over the years. The tears poured down as we knelt shoulder to shoulder and as I marveled at how the Father had answered each of our hopes and prayers so specifically and abundantly in the men he gave to us.

At another wedding I was invited to, the bride and groom had their priest and a few friends help lead an hour of Adoration, confession, and Praise and Worship the night before the wedding for any guests who wished to attend. Heaven touches earth during those moments of hope and anticipation. Following suit, by planning a holy hour and sharing the details with your guests via your wedding site, is amazing for both you and your beloved and for friends and family who will share in your joy and intercede for your marriage.

Invite guests to leave their intentions on your wedding site, and pray for them.

Online guestbooks and song requests are fun, standard fare, but have you considered additionally including an Intention Box on your website for your guests? Create a page for family and friends to privately submit their prayer requests to you and your fiancé. Prayer for those you've invited to share in your day, whether they're attending or not attending, is a lovingly specific act of generosity. 

I hope these ways of evangelizing to your guests sincerely call your family and friends into communion with you and express what you stand for in a loving way, particularly if there are sensitivities among them where faith is concerned.

Above all, though, I truly think the best, most important witness of all is one that doesn't even need to be typed and posted--quite simply, the joy of entering into marriage with a pure heart, radiant, evident joy, and desire for complete self-gift is impossible to ignore.

Don't worry about it being your personal responsibility to change anyone's mind about the Church. Pray for each of your guests as you address their invitations or plan your reception seating, and place them in the hands of Our Lady and her son. Be yourselves--the selves who so clearly wear their love for all to see--knowing your love flows from Love himself, and what you value and what sets your marriage apart will be crystal clear. I promise!

About the Author: Stephanie Calis is Spoken Bride's Editor in Chief and Co-Founder. She is the author of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner (Pauline, 2016). Read more

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Elise's Wedding | How to Have an Intentional Lent as a Couple

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SAVE THE DATE ... our Social Media Coordinator, Elise Crawford, is marrying Hunter, her college sweetheart, on August 12, 2017. We're overjoyed for her and are thrilled to share with you a peek into one bride's real-life wedding planning. Over the next year, we'll feature monthly pieces from Elise on marriage prep, choosing wedding details, and her spirituality as a bride-to-be. Join us in praying for Elise and Hunter during this sacred time of anticipation!

Photography by: Meaghan Clare Photography

Lent can seem like a very solitary time in the Liturgical calendar: we are called to examen ourselves and work on our habits that might not be the most helpful in our spiritual lives. However, Lent is an excellent opportunity for you to develop new, healthy spiritual habits as a couple as well as individuals.  Since Hunter and I are tying the knot this year, we decided to be more intentional about Lent 2017 than we have been in the past. 

I have to say, I don't have the best Lenten record...usually I falter in my Lenten resolution within the first couple of weeks! However, this year, I was determined to make Lenten goals that were 1.) Actually achievable 2.) Brought me closer to the Lord and 3.) Brought both Hunter and I closer to one another and deepen our faith together. We can all passively try to make a Lenten resolution while consuming way to much sugar on Mardi Gras (maybe I'm just speaking for myself here), but the key to a fruitful Lent isn't just to give up something for the sake of doing so. Lenten observance isn't for God, He doesn't need our sacrifices. Rather, Lent is for us, as Christians, to become more attuned to God in our daily lives and refocus our gaze upon His love. 

Below I've listed six ways to enter into a fruitful Lent with your signifiant other. You can choose as many items from the list as you'd like, just make sure to do so intentionally. Take some time to pray and listen to how the Lord is drawing you closer to Him this Lent. We've also included a beautiful download from The Anchor Theory that you and your beloved can use to plan your Lent. 

1. Sacrifice Something Together as a Couple: Hunter and I decided to sacrifice extra spending this Lent: no eating out or nights at the movies for the next few weeks. Sacrificing something as a couple is a great way to come together and offer something to the Lord, even if it seems small. It's an opportunity to replace something in your normal routine (eating out) with prayer and time spent together with the Lord. Make sure to intentionally set alternatives to the thing that you are giving up: instead of spending time in front of the TV together, resolve to say a rosary each week.

2. The Examen: Since "intentionality" is our theme for this Lent, we really wanted to make it a point to reflect on our daily habits and to become more aware of how we are making, or failing, to keep God as the center of our lives. The Examen is a prayer developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola and is a method to reviewing your daily routines and practices. I'd encourage you and your significant other to pray the Examen each night together. Take time for silence and individual prayer and then if you feel comfortable, share with one another your reflections for the day and how you plan to improve for the following day.

3. Liturgy of the Hours: It is important as lay people to participate in the life of the Church on a daily basis, beyond just Sunday mass. The Divine Office is a fantastic way to raise your heart and mind to God throughout the day. "The purpose of the Divine Office is to sanctify the day and all human activity" (Apostolic Constitution, Canticum Laudis). There is morning prayer, evening prayer and night prayer. Decide with your partner which time of day works best for the both of you to pray the Office. Hunter and I like to say night prayer to conclude our days together by surrendering the day's happenings to God. 

4. Bible Study and Stations of the Cross: I always cringe when I hear the joke made that Catholics don't know their Scripture! Lent is an excellent time for you and your beloved to delve into the Bible. There are great Bible studies available online but it doesn't have to be too complicated: decide to devote 10-20 minutes each day reflecting on the daily readings and or turning to a passage in the Bible and praying with Scripture. You can even practice Lectio Divina if you feel called to delve deeper into the Lord's words this Lent. Most parishes host Stations of the Cross each Friday during Lent. This practice is another great way to enter into the Lord's Word, especially as we anticipate His Passion and death. 

5. Service: As Catholics, we are called to the Corporal Works of Mercy: feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, sheltering the homeless, visiting the sick, and giving alms to the poor. Set some time aside in your calendar in the next few weeks to donate your time and resources to those less fortunate. Look to your local food bank or decide to put a few extra dollars each week in the poor box each Sunday for the remainder of Lent.

6. Blessed is She: Although this practice might be geared more towards a Bride, the Blessed is She Lenten journal is still a great way to intentionally grow in your faith this Lenten season! I have used Blessed is She's journals in the past and plan to do so this Lent. Their workshops are also awesome resources for you to deepen your relationship with God.  

What are your Lenten goals for the next 33 days? Share in the comments below! 

Download your Intentional Lent Guide HERE.

About the Author: Elise Crawford is Spoken Bride's Social Media Coordinator. She is the owner of Ringlet Studio marketing. Read more

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I Dos and Dont's: Wedding Education for the Modern Bride + Groom | The Planning Phase of Your Engagement + 2 Downloadable Workbooks

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ANDI COMPTON

 

Andi Compton, our Business Director, planned her own birthday parties as a girl, spent hours making wedding collages as a teenager, and worked at the largest bridal store on the West Coast during college. She eventually answered the call to turn her organization and creativity into a business, Now That’s a Party, wherein she coordinates weddings primarily for Catholic couples.

Over the upcoming months, Andi will be here to guide you through your planning and share her insights from the wedding industry, from engagement all the way through newlywed life. Consider it an open invitation to ask your wedding planning questions in the comments and on our social media!

Last month, Andi introduced an alternative to a month-by-month wedding planning timeline: the Phase Approach. Here, she breaks down for you the first phase, Planning, and has created two sets of worksheets to help you envision exactly what you'd like for your Nuptial Mass and reception. They're beautifully designed, comprehensive resources we're thrilled to offer you!

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Once the excitement of early engagement starts to wane, and more and more people begin asking, “When is the wedding?” it’s time to seriously begin praying and discerning what your wedding day will be like, and how it will give glory to God.

Every couple has different expectations about their wedding day. Some imagine an intimate gathering of their nearest and dearest at a swanky hotel or art gallery, dining on rich food and dancing until midnight. Others picture everyone they’ve ever known at a casual backyard reception in the afternoon, eating a simple buffet and delicious cake, with lawn games and minimal dancing while they sit and talk to guests.  

The Planning Phase is the time to sit and talk with all the parties who will be contributing to the wedding about their expectations. While, yes, the day is to celebrate the bride and groom, parents are often investing large sums of money into the day. Their opinions deserve to be respectfully heard.

You would be surprised at how many parents, dads included, have a vision for their child’s wedding. During my own planning, I was surprised to find my husband’s family has a completely different approach to weddings than what my family was accustomed to, and my future in-laws had never been to a wedding like the one we were planning. It was also crazy to find out my dad had always thought I’d wear a ball gown (he knows me!) and that my mom always dreamed of elaborate white flowers for me.

So before you meet with any vendors, and even before you start getting numbers together to set a budget, dream big! I’ve created a free downloadable workbook for you that’s full of questions and lots of space for you to write down answers, draw or paste pictures; whatever you need to really dig deep and get to the heart of wedding planning.

The workbook below is designed to guide conversations with your fiancé and families. It has plenty of room for notes and cutting and pasting images from magazines or the internet. So please, feel free to get messy with it and get all your thoughts on paper.

We’ve also created a checklist for this Planning Phase that begins upon engagement and generally ends about 6-9 months before the wedding, depending on your timeline. I've aimed to make it comprehensive, but feel free to cross off items that don't apply to you and to add your own to-dos to the list!

Download the Planning Phase resources below:

 

About the Author: Andi Compton is Spoken Bride's Business Director. She is the owner of Now That's a Party where she coordinates weddings, fundraising galas, and social events. Read more

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You Are More Than Your Imperfections.

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CARISSA PLUTA

 

The Garden of Eden was, by no exaggeration, Heaven on earth. It was there in which perfect union between God and man existed and seen clearly in the union of Adam and Eve. But we know how the rest of the story goes: earthly paradise had a traitor in its midst.

Photography: Kassondra Design

Photography: Kassondra Design

The evil one, disguised as the serpent, convinced Eve to eat the fruit of the forbidden tree. He did this, not by forcing her and not because Eve was stupid or weak, but by bringing into question her identity as a daughter of God.

He says to her: ”You will not die. For God knows that when you eat of [the fruit] your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Eve, feeling lied to by her Heavenly Father, eats the fruit. Because of the voice of the serpent, Eve believes God does not desire her good. Eve eats the fruit because the serpent causes her to question the love God has for her. This questioning causes a rift in the union between God and man, and in turn between Eve and Adam. It is a rift we still often feel the effects of in our own relationships and in our marriages. 

I spent years of high school and college being reminded at various women talks that I am a daughter of God. But perhaps it was the “fluffiness” of the whole thing that stopped me from trying to gain a deep understanding of this knowledge: "You are the daughter of the King. You are a princess!" It’s not that being a princess sounded like such a terrible thing, but it sounded too much like a fairy tale to truly believe.

But I’ve only begun to realize recently that the uncertainty that accompanied my identity made it harder for me to hear God’s voice while the serpent’s voice came more clearly. When we are not grounded in who we are, it is hard to hear anything over the lies, over our insecurities, over our wounds; if you are not a daughter, the serpent says, you are nothing more than your imperfections.

And how often, then, do these falsities creep into our relationships, particularly our relationship with our fiancé or spouse? "I am so stupid; I can’t do anything right. How can he truly love me with all of my imperfections?" Our knowledge of self, the assurance of our identity, has to be the foundation of our relationships and marriages. 

When it is not, we give in more quickly to fear, to anger, to jealousy, and to distrust. We allow our peace to be taken and our relationships to grow a little more chaotic. We are easily annoyed by minor mistakes made or we compare ourselves to others. We are not open to receive love from our husbands, and giving fully of ourselves is made impossible. We eat of the fruit and the unity of our marriage suffers. 

Instead, ask for the graces that are your inheritance and glory in the knowledge that you are a daughter of the King of the Universe.

The Creator who formed the Earth with His hands, who painted the stars we see at night, who breathed life into man. That you are a daughter of the One who calls the sun to rise each morning and set each evening, and the One who commands armies of Angels. That you are a daughter of a Father who created you to love and to be loved by Him, of a Father who suffers alongside his children and who triumphed over death.

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About the Author: About the Author: Carissa Pluta is Spoken Bride’s Editor at Large. She is the author of the blog The Myth Retold. Read more

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